//------------------------------//
// Chapter 11: Mares Nostrum 
// Story: Caverns & Cutie Marks: High School, High Stakes 
// by TheColtTrio 
//------------------------------//

“I’m really starting to hate school again,” Purple Heart grumbled as he followed Sunset out of the Algebra classroom. “I’d forgotten how heavy the books were.” He shifted the bag on his shoulder into a slightly more comfortable position. Sunset snickered, rapping a knuckle against the side of his bag.
“But you’re a strapping, strong boy,” she chortled. “Surely you can manage a few textbooks?”
“Define few.”
Sunset laughed, shaking her mane of red hair in amusement.
“Where are we headed anyway?” Purple Heart asked.
“Club time,” she replied. “Two or so hours for clubs to get together for a day while school is still in session.” Purple Heart arched an eyebrow, shifting his bag again.
“And what club are you in?” he inquired. Sunset grinned.
“Our band,” she smirked. “The Rainbooms.”
The purple teen blinked and arched an eyebrow. “Really,” he hummed. “And I suppose Light, Wits, and I are gonna just sit around doing squat all while you rock away?”
She nodded. “Yes.”
He stumbled, eyes wide with surprise. “Wat?” he squawked. “You serious?” Her eyes twinkled with a mischievous glint and her lips quirked.
“No, I’m Sunset Shimmer,” she chirped. Purple Heart’s eyes narrowed.
“Aha, aha,” he grunted. “Let’s go. I feel my arm separating from my shoulder.”
Sunset shook her head again, giggling at the youth’s dramatic misfortune. “Not much further,” she assured.
“Yays,” he drawled, once again shifting his bag. They continued down the hall, moving further and further into the bowels of the school. Eventually, they reached a set of double doors that Sunset shoved open. Purple Heart darted through the doors without waiting for an invitation and immediately dropped his bag, rolling his arm and sighing with relief.
“Sweet freedom,” he groaned, massaging his abused shoulder.
“Need a massage?” Wits End asked from his place by the guitar stands. “I’ll make sure your shoulder is the least of your problems.” He made robotic chopping motions with his hands while making ‘woosh’ noises with his mouth.
“Technically you should stretch your muscles before your carry anything heavy like that,” Twilight said. “You have no-one to blame but yourself.”
“Won’t stop him from blaming someone else,” Light Patch muttered, not looking up from the notebook he’d been scribbling in since he’d entered the room. “What rhymes with solomon anyway?”
“Uncommon,” Twilight offered. “Cardamon, backgammon, demon-”
“Pokemon,” Wits added. “What you doing?”
“Got bored while I was waiting for you guys, got my hands on a new notebook for writing, and since this was a music room, I thought I’d actually go and try my hand at writing a song or two,” Light Patch replied, as he continued to scribble away on the page. “I’m still stuck on the chorus line I came up with a year or two ago,” he added with a frown.
“One, I didn’t say I was gonna blame anyone,” Purple Heart called. “I can be responsible for my own sufferings, thank you very much. Two, try curmudgeon.”
“What about bunion!” Pinkie offered.
“Ehm… no.”
“Purple Heart’s shoulder aside,” Sunset coughed. “How was class for everyone?”
Wits looked up from the guitar strap he was fiddling with. “I hate everything and everyone associated with it,” he said cheerily. “So pretty good for high school, I’d say.”
“You also cut P.E.” Twilight said.
“Sometimes self-care is not running around a track field. Sometimes it’s downing six 5-Hour energy things and vibrating into the 7th dimension.”
“...What are you talking about?”
“Do I look like I know?” Wits made a single strum on the guitar that was now slung around his neck and shoulder. “I don’t. Besides, the results of cutting class should wait until we’re having story time.”
“Huh... No, I was saying Wits would blame someone for his problems… What are we talking about?” Light asked, finally looking up from his notebook to see that the room was fully occupied.
“How did everyone’s classes go,” Rarity said, filling him in.
“Well, the tail end of Philosophy was okay. What I caught of it that is. I missed half the class and the rest of it I had a hard time listening to the teacher because of all the whispering about me generated by the awesome call to death row from our wonderful vice-principal,” Light Patch deadpanned. “So overall, it was just another Tuesday.”
“Charming,” Purple Heart drawled. “Turns out, we were a tad late for class what with my conspiracy theorizing. Class itself was okay...except for where I got homework. Ugh.”
Twilight frowned at the purple youth. “What’s wrong with homework? It helps you retain what you’ve learned in class.”
“But it’s homework,” Purple Heart whined. “I haven’t had to do homework in...a year.”
“So why are you surprised?” Applejack asked.
“It’s high school homework,” he emphasized. “It’s gonna be easy. But so mind numbingly tedious!”
Wits raised a hand. “Question: Since Scilight hacked the system so that I’m officially still at Crystal Prep, do I need to do the homework?”
“Well, no…” Fluttershy started.
“Great! I am going on break!”
“But I was hoping to check my answers against yours, since you’ve already gone through this before,” she finished. “If that’s okay, I mean.”
“I am back from my break!”
“So nice of you to rejoin us already in progress,” Light Patch said, a smirk on his face. He watched as the girls started setting up their instruments for their practice session. “Hey, would now be a good time to share some potentially vital information or do you artists need all of your attention focused on the musics?”
“Now would be the best,” Rainbow replied immediately as she played with the tuning of her guitar, “we’ve been slacking a little, so I expect us all to give a hundred and ten percent during practice so we probably won’t have the energy to care at the end of it.”
“Right. Well, in that case, I think Just Duty is investigating me. So, we’re on a timer to being outed,” Light Patch revealed.
Purple Heart blinked, dropping to sit beside the grey teen. “He might have recognized us when we ran into each other. I don’t think that’d call for investigation... much...”
“Except for one issue: I don’t think he recognized you two. I think it was only me. I’m not sure, but I suspect we’re dealing with a native Just Duty,” Light Patch said, flipping to a clean page of the notebook. “I ran into him while heading to Celestia’s office. All of his questions were focused solely on me, not even a ‘so when or where’d you meet the other two’?”
“Well, it’s not as bad as it could be,” Wits muttered. “He didn’t show any signs of recognizing me when he and Shining Armor were taking me to Crystal Prep. He pretty much just took off once we were out of Equestria High.” He slipped the guitar off his shoulder and set it back in its stand. “Same for Holdfast. It sounds like even though there’s parallels to our villains, they’re not the same as the ones we fought.”
“Coincidentally, that leads into my conspiracy theory,” Purple Heart piped up. “When I was fighting Bael, I uh… didn’t actually… defeat him.”
“What, did you two pull a nega-Scott Pilgrim and make friends or something?” Light Patch looked questioningly at his friend before his eyes suddenly bugged out and he fell over backwards, brandishing his pencil menacingly towards Purple Heart. “You aren’t Bael who actually won your fight and took Purple Heart’s place are you? Tell me something that only he’d know!”
“Duck Game,” Purple Heart deadpanned.
“That proves nothing! We played it later the same day we’d gotten home! Write our common multiplayer password down and show it to me!” Light Patch retorted.
“I’ve got one better,” Purple Heart retorted. “Led Bauncy Haus.”
“Okay, you're not Bael. But I’m still thinking about disemboweling you with this pencil for that crime against my ears,” the teen said, still holding the pencil at his friend.
“Hai, hai, sempai,” Purple Heart soothed, hands up in a defensive gesture. “As I was saying, Bael didn’t actually die or anything. He just... poofed into a cloud of green smoke.”
“Great, so he’s the Wicked Witch of the West,” Wits said. “And you were there, and you were there. In any case, he should still be in the RPG world.” His eyes narrowed at Purple Heart. “Right?”
Hands knotted together in agitation, Purple Heart shrugged. “I mean… he should still be in the RPG world,” he said. “But don’t you think it’s possible, even a little bit, for him to be here? I mean, Just Duty and Holdfast are, so why not Bael? There is one problem though. I haven’t the slightest idea who Bael could be here as...”
“Maybe Bael was the friendships you made along the way?” Pinkie offered.
Wits looked back at the pink girl who was suddenly at the drums. “When did you- Nevermind. Based on how he acted—what with the messing around with you on a laugh—chances are he’s someone who you’ve already interacted with.” He paused. “Or someone you haven’t met yet. One of those two.”
“That’s… marginally unhelpful,” Purple Heart hummed. He rubbed at his face. “I guess I’ll be skulking around for a while, paranoid of everything and everyone on the staff… Lovely.”
“You don’t think he’ll be a student?” Rarity inquired, pausing at her keyboard.
Purple Heart gaped, swinging his head to the girl. “A… student?!” he squawked. “Bael… a… student?! HA! AHAHAHAHAH~!” The girls blinked at the laughing youth, shifting in confusion.
“Bael a student!” Purple Heart chortled. “HEheheheh! That’s like Jingles landing a plane! It may be on the ground, but it's hardly in one piece!”
“Calling it now,” Wits deadpanned, “Bael will be revealed to be a student within five days.” He pulled a folding chair from its place by the wall, unfolded it, and took a seat. “As long as we’re talking about XK-class end of the world scenarios, we should talk about this.” He fished a fully-charged smartphone out of his pocket. “When Scilight and I were in Crystal Prep, my alternate passed this to me via tape and a fire extinguisher. Then, in class today, some mystery person let me know that they’d be using this to get in touch with me, and that they knew about our adventures in RPG land.”
Twilight frowned. “You left out some stuff there.”
“I’m hitting the highlights. No-one wants to read the same stuff twice.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“The point is,” Wits continued, “there’s someone out there who knows that we, or at least I, come from another world.”
“Great. We have a police officer who’s on my trail, an unknown who already does know, and one of the villains from our last major invasion of a world is possibly here and is probably already aware of us too,” Light Patch summed up. “Anyone wanna bet when Agent J or Coleson is gonna show up?”
“No bet,” Purple Heart wheezed, wiping his eyes. “I haven’t the monies. Nor do I think it’ll happen. We’ve got enough on our plate as is. We don’t need a S.H.I.E.L.D. wannabe crashing the party. However, they may have a way home for us...”
“Are we doin’ band practice are not?” Rainbow Dash asked. “I don’t know about you guys, but if I can’t show I’ve been doing actual club activities, Vice-Principal Luna’s gonna make me wear the mascot costume in our next game instead of being on the field.”
“One quick thing first.” Sunset Shimmer held up a hand. “Wits?”
“Hai hai, Wits desu,” Wits End deadpanned. “What’s up?”
“I’ve been thinking,” Sunset continued, “you were with Purple Heart when we had our first encounter yesterday, right?”
“Sure.”
“And based on what we’ve seen of how you act, it’s safe to say that you were the one who pushed him into the crowded hallway?”
“That sure sounds like me, yes.”
“So, we can then say that it’s because of you that Purple Heart and I met in the first place, right?”
“If you wanted to put it like that, then sure.”
Sunset’s expression turned accusatory. “And so it’s your fault that he knocked me down and put us both in a compromising situation?”
“I, uh… I guess?”
“And it’s your fault the two of us spent almost 24 hours trying to figure out how to be on any sort of reasonable terms again?”
“Uhhhhhhh...”
“Yes or no, mister End.”
“...yeeeeeees?”
After a minute of scrutiny, Sunset relaxed. “Okay. As long as we’re on the same page.”
Wits let out his breath. “Phew, for a moment I thought things were gonna get violent.”
“Nah, I don’t like using violence without a good reason.”
“Yeah, I guess that makes se-”
With a hearty thud, Sunset’s fist impacted the space just below Wits’ rib cage. “That, however,” Sunset said as she shrugged a guitar strap over her shoulder, “is 24 hours worth of karma for messing with my friend, paid back in full.”
After a moment to take in what had just happened, the girls started their practice. Purple Heart squatted next to where the mint-colored teen was collapsed. “You alright?”
Wits’ mouth moved silently before he could get his lungs working again. “S-sorry, dude,” he wheezed.
Purple Heart raised an eyebrow. “Sorry for what? You’re the one who got the carp knocked outta him.”
The corner of Wits’ mouth twitched upwards. “Yeah, b-but…” He pulled himself up onto his hands and knees. “You’re the one who got friendzone’d there.”
Purple Heart’s expression fell back to a neutral stare. A beat later, he slapped Wits on the back, dropping him back onto the floor. “I take back my concern. You’re fine.”
Wits, face down, gave a shaky thumbs-up. “This is but a single step on the road of a high school romantic comedy!” he called. His voice dropped back to a whisper as he pulled himself up again, holding his back as the girls played on. “This school is gonna kill me…”


	* * *


“Remind me why we’ve been wasting our time here again when we could be doing something more interesting like chemistry or hanging out with Button Mash?” Heart Burn asked as he yawned widely, interrupting the plans his companions had been making.
“I heard mah sister say that there were some guys staying in this house and that there was still a lot of cleaning left to do. With a little work, we could earn our ‘Helping Others When They Could Use A Helping Hand’ Badge,” Applebloom stated.
“So we’re gonna clean someone else’s mess up just so we can get the Helping Hobo’s badge?” Heart Burn asked, looking at the three girls. “Isn’t this like, your club? Can’t you just award it to yourselves instantly and go do something more interesting?”
“What‽” Sweetie Belle exclaimed.
“That's what Applebloom and I asked when we were starting this club. Sweetie threatened to read a book at us until we caved in,” Scootaloo replied, receiving a glare from Sweetie Belle.
“I told you two, if we’re going to earn ourselves any respect or satisfaction from our club’s endeavours, we have to do this right!” Sweetie shot back at Scootaloo.
“And by right you mean helping strangers to clean a house that’s been abandoned for who knows how long?” Heart Burn sniffed. “People are more likely to have a heart attack. Aren’t kids our age supposed to be glued to phone screens or some other device?”
“Mah sister doesn’t do electronics much,” Apple Bloom admitted.
“I prefer sewing,” Sweetie said.
“I like the outdoors,” Scootaloo shrugged.
Heart Burn nodded, purple pony tail bobbing. “My point exactly. Kids these days don’t appreciate the things they have. They prefer to spend their killing their eyeballs with screens.” The three girls shared a skeptical look.
“And are you so different?” Sweetie asked. “You spend hours on end playing video games in a basement.”
Heart Burn shrugged noncommittally. “My brother isn’t at home, so I get his room,” he replied. “I just utilize the assets available to me. Makes me smart. Not screen crazy.”
“Girls, and guy, we should get back to the topic at hand. How are we gonna go about helping them anyway?” Applebloom asked, bringing them back to the moment.
“It’d be best if we knew just what was left needing to be done,” Sweetie replied, trying to look through any of the windows. “Otherwise, we’re just gonna have to pick who does what. Dibs on dusting.”
“First we gotta get inside,” Scootaloo cut in. “I think I’ve got it, though.” With a moment to prepare, she placed a hand on the door handle and gave it a jiggle, with no results. “Well, I’m out of ideas. Girls plus one, anyone have a plan?”
“Maybe they left a key under the doormat.”
Scootaloo rolled her eyes. “Who has a doormat nowadays? We gotta put our heads together and think-” She stopped, hearing a sound behind her. She, and the other two girls, turned back to see a mint-colored boy sitting cross-legged on the grass behind them.
Wits End raised a hand in greeting. “Ya’ll trying to get your ‘Breaking and Entering’ Badge? I’ve got plenty of ideas. Who’s got a flat-head screwdriver and a hammer?”
He was interrupted by a balled fist to the back of his head. “That’s the last thing we need them to learn,” Sunset grumbled, looking back to the set of children. “What are you all doing here?”
“I think they were failing to get into our temp house,” Purple Heart hummed, stroking his chin. “While I do admit Wits’ option is stealthier, I’d suggest body checking the door… All three of you… At the same time… That should work. Not stealthy. But hilarious and flashy.”
Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo all shrunk away from the towering teens, pushing Heart Burn forward in their place.
“His idea,” they chorused. Heart Burn blinked at the teens confusedly. When his eyes found Purple Heart, he froze. Then, a smirk curved his lips. He flung his arms wide and darted forward.
“ONII-CHAN!” he cheered, cannoning into Purple Heart’s midriff and wrapping his arms around the dumbstruck purple teen. Purple Heart, having been unprepared for such an assault, let his body slacken and he fell flat on his back with the boy’s face burrowed in his chest.
Wits stared at the giant on the ground with the smaller boy grappled to him. “Part of me wants to make some sort of joke about your way not being very sportsmanlike, but I’m pretty sure watching that happen gave me diabetes.”
Light Patch finally managed to snap away from his surprise. “Hey, looks like you’re an older brother. Surprise, he’s gonna sell us all out in minutes.”
Sunset gaped. This… was not what she was expecting. Not at all. She took a hesitant step back, fighting the urge to run from the adoration this… child was showing Purple Heart. But her curiosity won out. Marginally.
The three female members of the self-created Crusaders blinked confusedly at Heart Burn. “This here,” Apple Bloom coughed, “is yer brother?”
“Huh,” Scootaloo grunted. “Didn’t see that coming. Not at all.”
“Does that mean he’s technically a Crusader?” Sweetie asked. “Considering all of us have a sibling or sibling figure?”
Heart Burn ignored them.
Purple Heart was just wondering why this was happening to him. With a grimace, he looked at the head of the boy attached to his stomach. First mistake.
Heart Burn was gazing at him with large, soulful blue eyes that could, if harnessed correctly, topple empires.
“Onii-chan!” he repeated. “I haven’t seen you in such a looooooong time! Did you get me anything?”
Purple Heart grunted intelligently. “Uh… no?”
A pout immediately appeared on Heart Burn’s face. “Mooouh,” the boy whimpered, “but you promised.”
“Not to my knowledge,” Purple Heart denied. “I can’t even remember what you wanted in the first place.”
Heart Burn grinned evilly.
“I want a booby mousepad like y-”
Purple Heart slapped a hand over the child’s mouth. But it was too late.
“Welp, I’mma gonna go soak my brain in boiling brain bleach! Anyone else want some? I won’t even charge ya the usual fifty bucks, I’ll do this one for free, pro bono… That feels like a poor choice of words at this moment,” Light Patch said, making his way up the steps.
Wits End had a very different reaction. He leaned in to Purple Heart, his eyes wide and a wild grin on his face. “You have a what now? Who is it? Nami? Robin? ...Franky?”
While Sunset fled the scene, muttering about needing to check in with one of the Twilights, the three girls just blinked. “A booby what now?” they echoed Wits.
“Mothpd,” Heart Burn mumbled around Purple Heart’s fingers. The fingers tightened.
“Well, you’ve successfully scarred me for life,” the teen groaned. “As well as my compatriots. And your little friends over there. Just perfect. Shouldn’t you be at home doing homework?”
“Nope,” Heart Burn chirped, pushing the offending hand away. “Already did that. They dragged me along to help them get a badge for their club. ‘Helping the Hobos’ or some such. They thought cleaning this place would be good enough. Didn’t think I’d find you here. You’re supposed to be at school training for the championship.”
Purple Heart swallowed thickly. “Ehm… could we discuss this later?”
Heart Burn’s grin returned full force. Purple Heart could have sworn there was a flash of Satan in that grin.
“Whenever you want, onii-chan,” Heart Burn smirked. “You may wanna keep it a secret from mom though.” Purple Heart swallowed again, glancing at the spectators.
“Right,” he agreed.
Heart Burn rolled off the still prone teen and skipped over to the three male teens’ temporary abode. “I think we should help them,” the purple haired boy declared. “I wanna help onii-chan.” The three girls arched their eyebrows speculatively at Heart Burn.
“Yer tryin’ ta bribe him, ain’t yah?” Applebloom deadpanned.
“Or more likely, Shortstock here is trying to earn some favors from his older brother to back him in some kind of cookie heist,” Light Patch muttered, opening the door to the house. “Come on in. We’ll talk in the house, out of the sun and away from my growing headache.”
Heart Burn just smiled, nodding his head vigorously. “Uun,” he agreed squeakily.
“So, uh,” Wits jerked a thumb at the small boy. “What’s with this sassy… lost child?”
Heart Burn pouted petulantly. “I’m hardly lost,” he sniffed.
“He’s got a point,” Purple Heart agreed tenuously, rolling to his feet. “He was with them.” He indicated the original Crusaders. “Also, didn’t I make that reference earlier? Zero outta ten. Would not salt again.”
Wits pouted. “I came out here to have a good time and honestly, I’m feeling so attacked right now.”
Sweetie pointed a finger at the mint-colored teen. “What’s with this guy quoting outdated memes?”
“Outda- They’re vintage memes! High quality, hand-crafted memes aged in an oaken cask!”
The mini-fashionista sniffed imperiously, making a solid imitation of her sister. She looked at Scootaloo. “Well?” she prompted. Scootaloo paged through a small notebook, scratching at her grey cap.
“It’s an older meme,” she admitted, “but it checks out. Should we let them in?”
“Aren’t we the ones who should be asking that?” Light Patch asked, leaning against the door frame. “I mean, we are the ones living in the house after all... What are ya’ll doing here anyway?”
“Badges.” Sweetie Belle replied immediately. Light Patch opened his mouth to reply but snapped it shut just as quick.
“You owe me for cutting off another outdated meme. What kind of badges?” Light Patch finally replied.
“We’re getting our ‘Help a Hobo’ badge!” Heart Burn chirped. His grin melted immediately to be replaced with a frown. “Do I need to tell mom you’re a hobo, onii-chan?” His tone was serious.
“NYET!” Purple Heart squawked. “We aren’t hobos!”
“Are you sure?” Applebloom asked, frowning skeptically at the trio. “You’re livin’ in a rundown house that looks fit to fall apart any second.”
“Hey, the house has character,” Wits corrected. “It’s has some eccentricities, but that just makes it more unique. And if we were hobos, we’d have to be unemployed, and living off of the kindness of others. Like how Sunset and the others have paid for everything so far.” He stopped, then turned to the other two teens. “They’re right. We’re hobos squatting in a health code violation. I’m under the legal drinking age and my life is already at rock bottom.”
“So we can get our badges?” Scootaloo asked eagerly.
Purple Heart gave a noncommittal shrug. “I guess,” he hummed. “I’m pretty sure Light Patch and Rarity could dirty up the house for you to clean.” He grinned evilly, stepping into the house trailed closely by Heart Burn. Light Patch glared at where Purple Heart had went.
“Wits, give me at least three reasons to not end him here and now like a sentence,” Light Patch grumbled.
Wits thought for a moment. “I got nothing. But I can give you 5 minutes with no witnesses.”
“I’ll take it,” he muttered darkly, following Purple Heart in.
“Good luck.” Wits turned back to the Cutie Mark Crusaders, taking a seat on the steps to the door. “So, as I was saying about the hammer and screwdriver...”