//------------------------------//
// Chapter 66 
// Story: Pandemic: Picking up the Pieces 
// by Halira 
//------------------------------//

Tonya laid among the mass of quilts watching Sunset type on her laptop. The smell of sex was still heavy in the air, but now she was starting to get bored. Watching Sunset type was not the most exciting thing to be doing. She wasn't going to interrupt her lover though, Sunset was working on several tasks, among those was researching how to best try to defend Tonya during her trial. 

The fact Sunset was so driven right also reminded Tonya how attractive she found the unicorn. 

The silence was killing her though. She scooted over to Sunset so she could watch what Sunset was doing. After cuddling close to her lover she draped a wing over Sunset's back and gazed at the screen. At the moment Sunset had two separate windows open, one for email and one that she was researching case histories of trials in.

"Anything useful?" Tonya asked as she watched Sunset work.

"There really isn't a load of cases involving of crimes of passion using mind control, and by not a lot I mean none," Sunset grumbled. "Maybe there is some case history in Equestrians, but I obviously don't have access to those records."

"Oh," Tonya replied. Well, she really hadn't had much hope that it had actually come up. 

"Considering you had time to think between the time Phobia was raped and the time that you went to Number Crunch it gets harder to argue crime of passion in general," Sunset said as she closed out the window that was doing the research.

Tonya's ears fell. "So, there isn't any hope then."

Sunset sighed. "I'm trading back and forth emails with Rosetta. That has good news and bad news involved. The same thing is actually both the good news and the bad news."

"What is it, and how good and bad is it?" 

Sunset pulled up a fresh email window and began composing an email to someone named plushielover97.

"The Dreamwardens don't have anything resembling legal procedures or a law code beyond their prohibitions. They're essentially despots," Sunset said with a shake of her head. "That's good because any rule you break they can choose to disregard if you convince them to, you just have to appeal to their feelings instead of any law. That's also bad because there is no legal technicality that can get you off the hook either. It all comes down to them determining whether or not you're guilty and how they feel you should be punished. They'll exercise a great deal of care in determining if you're guilty, but punishments are completely arbitrary."

"Is Rosetta who you're emailing now?" Tonya asked as she watched Tonya hit keys rapidly with a levitated pencil.

Sunset shook her head. "No, I'm emailing Tattered Wing. Trying to see if I can strike any deal with her where she tries to turn the blame in her prosecution on me instead of you."

Tonya looked at her lover in shock. "Why would you do that?"

Sunset kept typing. "Because it might save you. I'm willing to put myself on the line if it keeps you safe."

"You had nothing to do with what happened," Tonya said with rising concern. 

Sunset paused what she was doing and turned and faced her. "Didn't I? Who sent you to Number Crunch to try to convince her to murder that bastard that raped Phobia?"

Tonya looked back defiantly. "You didn't tell me to use mind magic to do it."

"You wouldn't have even been there without me asking you to be," Sunset said in a firm tone. "I never told you how to convince her either. You could have interpreted my request as being to use your powers."

"You wouldn't ask me to do that," Tonya said as she laid her ears back.

Sunset was undeterred. "You're completely devoted to me. You do anything you can to help me. You could have taken my request and decided that was what was needed to accomplish it."

Tonya flattened out her ears and started feeling very uncomfortable. "You didn't ask me to do that hoping I would, did you?"

Sunset let out a long breath and shook her head. "No, I didn't, but if I'm wishing I did. That way I could convince them for sure I manipulated you and it better shift the blame to me." Sunset frowned again. "Did you do it just to please me?"

"No!" Tonya snapped back, more forcefully than she intended. "And even if I did I still don't want you taking the fall for me. I don't want you hurt."

"I doubt it would get you off the hook entirely, but it could make them much more lenient," the unicorn said as she flicked her tail. "They're less likely to come down on me hard since I can't use mind magic. Dealing with some sort of judgement against me is more than acceptable if it makes things better for you."

Tonya stood to her hooves and stomped one if them. "It's not acceptable to me! The Dreamwardens don't play around, Sunset. They could wipe your mind completely. I don't want that happening to you!"

Sunset glared up at her. "And you think I won't stop at anything to make sure that doesn't happen to you? No, I'm hoping it won't come to that with me, but I will put every option on the table to keep you safe!"

"Why does my life matter and yours doesn't?" Tonya growled.

"Because you're a good pony!" Sunset shouted as she jumped to her hooves and screamed in Tonya's face, making Tonya flinch back. 

Sunset looked stricken as she saw Tonya flinch. The unicorn then looked down and her posture slumped. "You're a good pony who doesn't deserve that kind of thing. I'm...not...I'm not a good pony. I should be facing this kind of thing, not you."

Tonya reached a hoof out to touch Sunset. "You are a good pony."

Sunset looked at the hoof and stepped back. "No...no I'm not. I'm angry, violent, and willing to blackmail, deceive, cover up crimes, and just generally hurt others to advance the greater good. I'm the kind of pony that's needed to get things done, but that doesn't make me a good pony. I'm not even a good Christian."

Tonya shook her head in disbelief. How could Sunset say those kinds of things about herself? 

"Even if that was true, you're only that way because of me," Tonya said firmly. "I've messed with your mind and barely knew what I was doing."

Sunset raised an eyebrow at her. "And who asked you to mess with their mind? That would be me. I directed you into helping shape me into the pony I am now, the pony this town needs. Just like with this thing with Number, you wouldn't have done anything on your own."

Tonya looked for a way to counter this. "Even if you aren't perfect you just pointed out that this town needs you. The town doesn't need me. You shouldn't be willing to sacrifice yourself for my sake."

Sunset's face hardened. "I'm a selfish bitch of a pony. For the sake of my loved ones I will sacrifice anything, even all my dreams and goals--even the well-being of every other pony. I love you, and I'm not letting you get hurt."

"But you're better as a pony than you were as a human," Tonya protested.

Sunset nodded. "I'm better, everypony is better, but that doesn't make me good. I'm better because I see the way to a better world and am willing to actually do what it takes to help make that better world. I'm also willing to do whatever it takes to protect my loved ones. I failed at that on both counts as a human. Princess Luna likes to look down her nose at me. She has no idea how low I was as a human and how much better I am now."

"Luna gets on you about the fact you're a Shimmerist from what you described," Tonya pointed out. She didn't like Sunset talking about herself like this. 

"And let's say for the sake of argument that being a Shimmerist is wrong," Sunset said as she flicked her tail. "I don't believe it, but let's just go with that for a moment. I don't hate humans, you don't hate humans, Number Crunch doesn't hate humans, most Shimmerists I personally know except for a few bad apples don't hate humans. We want the best for them, and we believe that's making them into ponies. I hated humans when I was human; I hated all kinds of humans that didn't deserve it. You were there to see it, so you know it. I may still not be worthy of being called good, but I'm a hell of a lot fucking better than I was as a human."

Tonya gave a sad nod. Sunset had hated so many others when she was human, probably herself most of all. It sounded like Sunset hadn't let go of that self hate though. 

"You need to let that hate for yourself go," she said quietly. "It will consume you if you don't. I don't want you hurting, and you're still hurting despite everything I've done to your head. Maybe hurting even more because of what I did. You need to forgive yourself for who you were."

Sunset started crying. "How do I do that? I hurt you! I had Phobia living in fear of herself! I lashed out at anyone that didn't fit my view of the world! Years upon years of hate, even for myself. Let's not forget I hated myself for having feelings for women. I might be different in the fact I don't try to hurt those that don't see things as I do anymore, and that's much better, but I still hurt others."

"Sunset, I really want you to let it go," Tonya said softly. The word want carried no weight since she was wearing her medallion. This was just her speaking as a pony to a pony.

"I can't," Sunset replied as she kept crying.

Tonya went over to Sunset and grabbed her into a hug. "Please, if not for yourself, even though it should be for yourself, but for me too. Please, just let it go. It hurts me knowing you're still hurting."

Sunset just laid her head into Tonya's shoulder and wept. "I'm sorry, I just can't. I'm hurting you again. I'm can't stop hurting others. That's more evidence I'm just not a good pony."

Tonya just kept hold of Sunset until cried herself to sleep. She then gently laid her lover down in the blankets and gave her a kiss before cuddling up close again to join her. This was something she couldn't fix with her powers, but if she survived her trial she would somehow find a way to make this better.