After sitting through a terrible lecture on why destroying every barrel in town, Pewdiepie came to one conclusion. THEY ALL WORKED FOR THE BARRELS. He had to find a way to stop this madness. But how?
Pewdiepie ran directly back to the cottage where he had been held captive for the first time. Many years of gaming had taught him to look for items he may have missed near the spawn point. Perhaps someone had left money laying out that he could take, free of any sort of retaliation whatsoever.
Upon reaching the cottage, he saw Ian and Anthony sitting upon a half-eaten couch.
“Well, we could hang out with Pewdiepie, he seems-”
Ian punched Anthony in the face. “NO! HE WANTS TO TAKE LORETTA AWAY FROM ME AND DO BAD THINGS TO HER!”
Anthony rubbed his face where Ian had smashed his hoof into it. “Yeah, I don’t think being in a relationship with a barrel is too healthy, anyway-”
Another punch to the face greeted him.
“OW! Dude, come on!”
Ian was seething. “Why can’t you just let me and Loretta be together?”
“I’m pretty sure Derpy was kidding when-”
“When I did what?” The grey pegasus alighting the edge of the couch, scaring the crap out of Anthony.
“Um... well, I-”
Derpy got all up in Anthony’s grill. “Why can’t you just accept the fact that Ian is going to be with Loretta?”
“Yeah, Anthony! Me and Loretta are perfectly happy together! Why can’t you just be glad that I finally found love?”
Anthony facehoofed. “Am I the only sane pony here?”
Pewdiepie patted his hoof and Anthony’s back. “I know the feel, bro.”
“AH! MONSTER!” Pewdiepie felt the punch connect with his face, and he fell backwards dramatically in slow motion.
“OH DEAR GOD WE KILLED HIM!”
“Quick, we have to hide the body!” Pewdiepie heard Ian’s voice as he slowly recovered from the devastating punch.
Pewdiepie got to his hooves. “No need guys, I’m cool.”
“Well, should we dump him in a lake?” Anthony said, ignoring the fact that Pewdiepie existed.
“No, they’ll check there first. What we need is a hacksaw and 300 gallons of sulphuric acid,” Derpy said, furrowing her brow. Anthony and Ian starred at her. “What? I have experience with this.”
“Guys! I’m fine! No need to hide my body or anything.”
“Wait, didn’t shut up cartoons have an instructional on body hiding? Let’s watch that! It’ll sure help us!”
Pewdiepie sighed, giving up on the idiots that lay before him, and trotted off to have his own magnificent adventure. But as he walked away, Derpy gave him a look. And he saw the barrels in her eyes.
Pewdiepie ran away screaming like a little girl.
Finally stopping to take a breath, he noticed himself outside the library. Knowing he had to escape from the barrels, he rushed inside.
“Wow, Silver Spoon’s ovaries fit me really well, it’s almost like- oh! Can I help you?” A purple unicorn, Twilight Sparkle was what they called her, Pewdiepie was pretty sure, turned around to face him.
“No, I’m just- actually, yes! Do you have any books on barrel fighting?”
Twilight walked over to the shelf and levitated a book down. “I never thought we would use this... but the time has come.”
Pewdiepie blew the dust off the book. “Ponysutra: The complete guide to every single pony sex position there is-”
Twilight levitated the book away from him. “Um, whoops! Wrong book. Here you go.”
A new book levitated to Pewdiepie. Since Pewdiepie also possessed a horn, he held it aloft with his magic.
“The Ultimate Barrel Finding Guide: The Quest for the Barrel Smasher.” The book was old and battered. Opening the front cover there was “Property of Princess Luna” scrawled in crayon on the front page.
“I need to find a picture of the barrel smasher...” after a few more flips, he found it.
“Forged out of the strongest material known to mankind, the barrel smasher has found it’s way into several dimensions...” The picture showed the legendary hammer to be a nokia phone glued to a stick. “It truly is made of the hardest materials known to man or pony... I must find Princess Luna at once. She may know more of it...”
Pewdiepie raced off to catch the next train to Canterlot. Little did he know however, there was a grey pegasus slowly eating a muffin, staring at him as he trotted away.
“Soon... Pewdie... soon the barrels will have their revenge...”
“Mommy? Why are you talking to the muffin?”
“Quite, Dinky. Mommy’s trying to be evil.”