Opening her eyes, everything before her was blurry, unfocused. She could barely make out the outlines. Everything seemed to merge together. There were no distinct ends between what she saw, only a blurry spectrum as one object twisted into another. The room was dark but she had the feeling that it was unfamiliar.
She felt the feeling of Nightmare's eyes on her, but when she tried to turn her head to the left to look towards the source, she found that the only thing she could do was move her eyes in the general direction. She could see the blurry outline of two ponies standing beside one another, with one towering over the other. Both were silhouetted. She felt her heart pounding, racing, and her mind screamed. It felt like a nightmare. She was awake, but wasn't at the same time. Her body refused to obey her. She couldn't breathe, despite her efforts. Her body did not feel like her own, rather, it felt paralyzed.
She felt fear, indescribable fear. She was completely exposed, but she couldn't figure out what that fear was coming from. Everything was a blur, she was only vaguely away and aware of her surroundings. Her fear didn't give her any energy, nor did her fear contribute to any state of awareness nor did it try to spur her to action. Instead, her fear haunted her, like something was chasing her, right behind her. She couldn't look back, both out of fear, and because as soon as she did, she knew whatever was chasing her would get her.
Her body felt like ice, yet everything enveloping her felt warm. Her lungs ached, then burned, desperate for air that she could not inhale. And yet, she still breathed somehow. Although she couldn't inhale, she felt the air coming in through her nostrils to just barely relieve that burning ache in her lungs. Her chest barely rose in her paralysis, but she felt some sense of relief, yet it did nothing to stop the feeling that she was being stalked.
She heard voices. The voices were distant, hushed, whispered, heard as if she were submerged in water, sinking, so far away from the source. The voice came from the taller silhouette. She couldn't make out what was said, it was a blur, all mixed together. The words were wrong, twisted, backward, maybe even upside down. It was a language she couldn't recognize or comprehend, but it was one that she felt like she should understand, but that she was simply in no state to recognize it.
The smaller form shifted in the corner of her eye, and something was said back. Whatever it was, it took what felt like an eternity for the words to stop. The feeling of being sized up by a predator shifted and churned, gradually subsiding, along with the feeling that she was being chased. She felt relieved at that, but it was only some distant sense of relief. Only the feeling of relief, like how everything she saw, felt and heard were only distant feelings, so far divided from her being, like she wasn't actually there to experience it. It was like a dream, like a nightmare, one that, in the blink of an eye, she could forget.
Yet the fogginess seemed to fade. Her sight grew sharper, and no more did one object twist into the next through a blurred spectrum, rather, the outlines sharpened, and she could gradually make out the contrast of light and dark, the flickering orange light coming into the room, the intermittent shadow dancing on the floor. She managed to nudge her head to the side and get a better view of those two silhouettes, but neither came with recognition.
She inhaled deeply, and air rushed into her lungs. She felt the gentle, unassuming weight of blankets covering her body, then felt the soft embrace of the mattress beneath her back.
"I did not realize..."
She felt the feeling that she heard something. She felt like she could place it as words she should understand, but it was so fleeting, so brief, that she might as well have never heard it in the first place. As the seconds grew on, consciousness gradually took a hold of her, and she felt more control and strength return.
But her mind was still so foggy, so clouded: it was a dream, there was no other explanation for it, but her mind could not even process that idea.
A teal-blue glow burned to life, extending up along a long, sharp, black horn. The glow lit the features of a pony that seemed so familiar, somepony who she felt that she should know, somepony she felt that she should be happy to see, somepony who she felt left her quivering beneath the blankets. She could see the reflection of the glow on the cyan armor, and that shimmer was mesmerizing. Yet, the next thing she heard, she was certain of the command, yet the meaning was lost as blackness overtook her. "Sleep."
Twilight jerked awake. Her lungs screamed out for breath, and in response, she sucked in as deep as she could. Fleetingly, in the back of her mind, she felt some sense that something had happened, that she should remember something, yet it was so brief that in a glance down at the bedsheets, the memory was already gone, leaving only a feeling of a memory.
She looked over her bedsheets for a few seconds as the feeling lingered, then she blinked and licked her lips. In an instant, she felt so aware of her surroundings, or rather, that something wasn't there. Her eyes bolted up at the realization, and a moment later, her eyes bolted to the left.
The doorway to her library was empty. Nothing stood there, silhouetted against the backdrop of her magelight. She slowly turned her head to the right and swept her eyes around, scanning her surroundings, confirming what she already felt: Nightmare Moon wasn't there.
But she already knew Nightmare wasn't there. She had felt it the instant she was awake, that she was alone. And somehow, she had managed to recognize that feeling above the primal panic with which she had awoken prior. She found only the faintest hint of fear: it was numbed to the point that, while it was still there, it was almost absent. In contrast with that seed of fear and despite knowing Nightmare wasn't watching her, her anxiety twisted and gripped her chest, making her core feel so very tense.
She swallowed and took a deep breath, then exhaled at length, trying to force that anxiety away like the air in her lungs. She only succeeded to an extent, but that extent left her feeling relieved. She pushed herself up into a sitting position, though nearly jumped as something brushed across her chest.
She froze in a panic and looked down. Immediately, that anxiety melted away. It was only that necklace, which now swayed back and forth, brushing against the fur of her chest. She closed her eyes and let out another breath, then inhaled and opened her eyes. She found herself still staring at the necklace, watching the shimmering light of its enchantments slowly drift across its silvered surface.
It was almost like it was saying something to her in the way the light washed over its surface, but she wasn't sure what.
She cast the concern aside, then pushed her blankets back. An instinctive frown pulled on her lips as the warmth faded entirely, replaced by the chill of Nightmare's night. The cold wasn't that strong, but the air just didn't hold the same warmth that Princess Celestia's day did, nor did it hold the same warmth that even Princess Celestia's night did. The cold air felt so detached and distant, so uncaring, so callous.
She felt that all too familiar numbness creep out from her core, followed by the inescapable feeling of loneliness. Here in her tower, surrounded by enchanted marble walls and numerous books, she was so entirely alone, so secluded and separated from everything else. Nightmare called her 'Student,' and yet 'Prisoner' would have been just as accurate.
She turned her head around and stared out the window. In an instant, without intending to, her gaze fell on the moon, on the scarring of her mentor etched into its surface. How had the spell felt? Did it hurt? Was she in pain now? What did Princess Celestia feel? Did she feel just as alone and isolated as her, or did was she being ridiculous to even consider for a passing second that she could hope to understand the isolation that Princess Celestia felt on the moon?
The edges of her eyes grew warm, then the beads drifted down her cheeks. She paid it no mind, even as her fur was chilled by the lingering moisture. The drops gathered on her chin and tickled her before she finally felt their weight drip off from her to fall onto the bedsheets.
It felt like Princess Celestia was staring at her from the moon. So what if all of Equestria was visible? So what if she would have been so impossibly small? What did it matter that her magic was assuredly sealed away? She felt ashamed. It was as if Princess Celestia was crying out to her, begging for her to help her, and there was nothing she could do. Worse yet, she was helping the pony that did this to her. The shame was crippling. She could almost hear Princess Celestia's voice saying, 'Twilight, why did you fail?' in such a broken, pleading voice.
She had seen Princess Celestia cry. It was rare, but she had seen it. She could only recall a few times. One of them came to mind, accompanying that haunting voice that sounded so much like her, yet nothing like her at the same time. She had looked so heartbroken, so desperate, so pleading. But that had lasted for only a split second before Princess Celestia realized she was there, and then, it was gone. But it was burnt into her mind, and now, that vision came back in full force, yet so twisted and so much worse. And that picture is what she imagined in her mind when she heard that broken, pleading voice begging for her help. How had Nightmare treated her? And was it really all her own fault, had she failed so badly that now all of Equestria, and her mentor, had to pay for her failure?
More warmth rolled down her cheeks. She couldn't look at the moon. Her ears folded back in the same instant her eyes fell to the bed. The sheets were blurry. She didn't care.
How could she be Princess Celestia's Most Faithful Student? She had failed, failed, failed. Failed so badly, and now her mentor, Equestria's Princess, was suffering. It felt like Princess Celestia was paying the debt for her crime, completely undeserved. She was so, so ashamed. She had betrayed Equestria's Princess.
Yet, Princess Celestia wasn't as perfect as she had once believed. The numbness creeped out into her legs.
She felt a knot in her throat. She didn't know how she had missed it, but the tightness was all there, already fully formed. It twisted her throat closed to the point that swallowing was impossible.
The bedsheets slowly came back into focus. Her head drifted back around and fell. She ended up staring down at the floor, facing the doorway.
She had been Princess Celestia's Most Faithful Student. She didn't deserve that title, did she? She was now the student of the very pony who banished Princess Celestia. How badly had Nightmare Moon treated Princess Celestia? How had that question never occurred to her before?
'I'm going to die...' whispered in her mind. It evoked no emotion, but the numbness finally took over her hooves.
She knew that one day she would die. It was the sort of thing everypony comes to terms with during their life, that life is finite. Perhaps even Princess Celestia's life was finite too. But it was different for herself. Her own death wouldn't be peaceful, her death wouldn't be in decades. Perhaps it would be in years, or perhaps it wouldn't even be months. Perhaps it wouldn't even be at Nightmare Moon's hooves. No, she was a traitor to Equestria.
What was the point of anything? She had betrayed Princess Celestia. Even if by some impossible miracle, Princess Celestia escaped or was freed, even if she somehow had some hoof in helping that come to pass, well, her life was still forfeit.
She closed her eyes and inhaled. It was a calm, solemn inhale. Her thoughts were not panicked, her heart did not race. Her heartbeat was steady, a constant, gentle beat, one that wouldn't have been out of place if she was sleeping peacefully.
She exhaled. For several seconds, she did nothing else, only listening to the silence as nothingness went through her mind. She inhaled again, then exhaled. Finally, she opened her eyes, then swallowed. The knot was gone.
She slid forward, climbing down onto the floor in one motion. She walked towards the door, only vaguely aware of the cold of the floor against her hooves.
She wasn't sure what had happened, but she found herself staring down at the floor, distinctly aware that she was surrounded by her library's bookshelves. Looking up from her hooves, she found that she was in the main room of her library. She didn't remember the trip from her bedroom down the stairs.
She swallowed, then turned her head around. Despite all of the books, all she saw was an empty, unoccupied room. So completely lacking in life, so completely lacking in warmth. It was void of any comfort, it simply existed. Everything seemed to recede from her as if recoiling because of her betrayal.
She was staring ahead at the table. How had she crossed the distance from the stairs to the kitchen? Why couldn't she remember it? had it all passed in such a mind-numbing blur that she wasn't even aware of it happening?
She felt the chair under her haunches and found her hooves outstretched across the table.
The moon drifted further into the sky, but it was still there, dominating the large window of her library, almost taunting her.
A question flashed through her mind, and with that, everything came back into focus. The numbness was disintegrated, and all of the fog clouding her mind was gone. 'How did I get back to Canterlot?'
It was such a simple question, yet it was so important. She felt bewildered: she couldn't answer her own question. She distinctly remembered going to Hollow Shades. She distinctly remembered the assembled legions of batponies, all outfitted in their silvered armor, all prepared to fight and die for Nightmare Moon, to enforce her rule without relent. She distinctly remembered laying down in bed. But it wasn't her bed.
And then? Then there was nothing. She didn't remember waking up to leave. She didn't remember being teleported back, nor did she remember walking back. She didn't remember walking back to her tower, climbing up the stairs, nor laying down in her bed. She remembered none of it, only going to sleep in another bed and waking up in her own.
She had the feeling of a memory, but it was so distant and out of reach. It was the feeling of feeling that she forgot something. It was like knowing one had a dream, but despite how hard you tried to focus on it, it remained only a feeling of a dream. No details came back.
She felt a tightness seize her chest, then it twisted. It twisted more and more, turning around until it twisted back in on itself. It was anxiety. It was a feeling of powerlessness. There was really only one answer for what happened, she knew, and that answer made her want to curl up in a ball and sob hysterically, it made her want to curl up in a ball and lay there silently. She really had no power. It was all just an illusion. Security? She had about as much security as a newborn lost in a blizzard, surrounded on all sides by monsters.
Her life really was so fragile, just a little string. No, not even a string. It was just a hair from a mane. Even that didn't do it justice.
More warmth on her cheeks, but that too was so fleeting. The cold in its wake felt permanent. She watched it soak into the table.
There was a knock on the door. She didn't scream, she didn't cry out in fear, and she didn't whimper.
She hit her hoof on the chair as she jumped into a standing position. The pain was lost on her as she stared at the door, legs trembling. She winced as the chair thudded against the floor, nearly jumping at the sound. The knock came again, just the same as before. Who was knocking? Was it Nightmare Moon? The door was so, so flimsy. Even the strongest enchantments were but paper to her teacher.
Again, that knock came, making her wince and crushing her chest beneath a tidal wave of anxiety and tension. Somehow, she managed to piece that veil of terror, somehow she managed to realize that the knocks weren't that of her teacher. Or, at the very least, the knocks weren't demanding, they weren't threatening.
Knock, knock, knock-knock.
It was a testing knock, perhaps even a bored or playful knock.
Knock-knock-knock-knock-knock.
She swallowed, then lifted a forehoof. Her leg shook, but she managed to take that first step. It was an outlet for the anxiety she felt, and so the tightness plaguing her chest faded ever so slightly. Another step, more fading tension. Another, this one coming quicker, and she felt surer of herself. She swallowed, then crept towards the door. After making it halfway there, she had successfully managed to almost come to a walk.
As she stood in front of the door, her anxiety was just a whisper in the back of her mind, but her fear was ready to jump out at her, screaming. She lit her horn. Her horn sputtered and sparked, refusing to produce a constant glow. Her ears pressed back against her mane.
She tried again, and this time, she managed to produce a steady stream of magic, albeit one that flickered, threatening to fail at the drop of a quill. She managed to grasp the door with her magic enough to unlock the door, then pull it in just enough that it could be pushed open. Her magic failed before she could do anything else.
"Uh, Twilight? You gonna open the door for me ooorrrrr..?"
The panic faded and she felt relief. She recognized that playful voice, and she found herself feeling at ease. She lit her horn, this time unfailingly, and pulled open the door. Midnight stood just on the other side, her head was tilted slightly to the right and her tongue was sticking out from her lips, in between her fangs.
It was such an unassuming, foalish look. It was so playful. It was like Midnight was just a young foal wanting to play with her parents.
It was enough to force her fear to the back of her mind.
She blinked then squinted at the display. "What are you doing?"
Midnight's tongue pulled back into her mouth in a snake-like motion, and she righted her head. "Nightmare Moon wanted me to come and get you since you're awake," was her simple, unassuming response.
And like that, her relief faded. A chill raced down her spine. Midnight's playful friendliness faded, and she saw her brow fold slightly. Midnight could see her fear and unease. "R-right," she preempted. Her unease seeped out into her voice, but it still wasn't nearly as bad as it had been. She felt rigid, but not paralyzed.
Midnight frowned. It was only for a second, then Midnight's gaze jumped up to her mane. The frown disappeared as her lips pulled up into a smile, and she was sure that she saw Midnight's eyes lit up in excitement, followed by a carefree giggle.
Spurred on by that, she preemptively scowled. Looking up at her mane, her scowl deepened. 'Of course,' hissed out in her mind. "I'm going to shower and then I'll be on my way."
"Okay, I'll wait for you then," Midnight replied.
Twilight squinted at her, slowly turning her head to the left.
"I'm supposed to escort you to her chambers," Midnight explained. As soon as she finished, the tip of her tongue shot back out between her fangs.
She looked down at Midnight's tongue, which looked entirely equine, and said, "Right..." After a second, she glanced away from Midnight's tongue, then turned away and shut the door with her magic.
Walking through the castle's hallways as she was escorted by Midnight really wasn't all that different from being escorted by a Royal Guard. Walking by other guards drew only the barest reaction, but for the most part, they were stoic. They weren't as friendly as usual, but then that was probably because of Nightmare Moon's takeover.
Midnight carried herself with a casual seriousness that could be mistaken for being completely off-guard and unaware of her surroundings. Yet, as they approached a corner and a Royal Guard stepped into sight, Midnight's eyes sharpened into focus and darted onto his form.
But the Royal Guard didn't stiffen as he walked passed. No, he displayed a formal seriousness in his posture, but not one of tension or fear, as if he was scared or worried about Midnight. What he displayed was more akin to annoyance, like they were in his way. 'Do they feel like they're being replaced?' she wondered as she craned her head back around to watch the passing Royal Guard.
He continued walking down the hallway, ignoring their passing. Turning back ahead, she noticed a pair of Royal Guards standing beside one door that led off to the right. For a moment, she spotted one of the guards looking at Midnight, then he returned to his stoic, almost statuesque stance.
What did the Royal Guard think of Midnight? Did they know about the rest of the batponies, and how they would soon be joining their ranks? Did they feel as if they were being replaced or short-hoofed? Or did they view it as just a curiosity? Did they take it as a relief, that they wouldn't be so overworked? Or did they view it as a threat, as if the batponies were a hostile force that, along with Nightmare Moon, had usurped Equestria?
She glanced to her left at Midnight and watched her walk along for a few seconds, then looked back ahead. Midnight certainly didn't carry herself in a threatening manner, so perhaps the Royal Guard did not view her- and the batponies- as such. Did the Royal Guard consider the batponies as ponies, or did they think of them as monsters?
She found a scowl tugging on her lips as that thought crossed her mind. 'They're ponies just like anypony else! Surely they realize that...' And if they didn't, surely it wouldn't take that long for the Royal Guard to realize it.
Well, assuming the batponies didn't keep to themselves and tried to interact. She pursed her lips, knowing it was a distinct possibility that they wouldn't integrate very well, if only because the batponies seemed to keep to themselves.
But still, if the Royal Guards thought the batponies were monsters, it wouldn't take long for them to realize that the batponies were still ponies. They probably didn't think that in the first place.
She shook the thought aside and turned her attention back to Midnight. She swallowed and mustered whatever courage she had left, then asked, "So, um... Do you know what she wants?"
"Mhm," was Midnight's response.
She waited a few seconds, then leaned her head forward, trying to coax Midnight to continue. But Midnight neither glanced back at her nor elaborated. "Soo..?" she ventured.
Midnight glanced at her and flashed her a smile, then silently strode ahead of her. "You'll just have to find out," was her teasing reply.
Twilight scowled at her and huffed. "Fine."
Midnight just giggled in response.
Ignoring that, she sped up to catch up with Midnight, who glanced back at her. "You don't need to be worried about anything," was her comment.
That comment made her suddenly aware of the tension in her body. She hadn't felt it growing inside her, slithering out and creeping over her whole body. But with Midnight's comment, she felt so very aware of that tension. She felt the twisting and churning in her chest that was her anxiety. She hadn't noticed it, or maybe it was that she was so used to feeling anxious and nervous by now that it went unnoticed as anything out of the ordinary for her.
She looked back ahead to avoid looking at Midnight, especially to avoid meeting her gaze. Maybe she could trust Midnight. After all, Midnight didn't seem to be some zealous, fanatical soldier of Nightmare Moon, ready to burn her alive for treachery. She felt a shiver race down her spine, then swallowed. Her throat was, once again, tight.
"You know she doesn't like seeing you so, uh, nervous, right?" Midnight spoke in a voice that might as well have said, 'Well, gee! You don't realize that Nightmare Moon doesn't want you to be terrified of her to the point that you're paralyzed!?'
She shot a glare at Midnight. "No offense, but I don't-" She clamped her jaw shut just in time to prevent herself from slipping up and saying something she would regret. Yet just how close she came, that left her feeling even more anxious and jittery than before. Her anxiety bubbled in her chest, like a pot of water on a stove, slowly, slowly warming up and churning as it approaching a rolling boil. Yet it was so much thicker than water, thicker than soup, even.
She looked back ahead as Midnight tilted her head and looked at her curiously. "You don't what?" was her curious question.
Rigidly, she shook her head, left and right, back and forth: they were words that she should not speak, at least not to Midnight, even if she could trust her. The only one to whom those words should reach would be Nightmare Moon. But could she openly admit it to her that she did not trust her? Perhaps Nightmare Moon would be understanding.
Nightmare probably already knew, anyway.
Nightmare probably knew she didn't feel safe around her, either.
And Nightmare hadn't taken advantage of that if she did know.
She inhaled as deep as she could, then let it out. The numbness returned. 'Maybe I'm overthinking this?' a part of her mind offered, 'Maybe she isn't as much of a psychopath as I think. Maybe she genuinely wants me to relax and trust her.'
Another part of her broke out in laughter as a response to that thought. It was absurd! 'As if I could ever trust her! She banished her own sister and took over Equestria!'
All at once, the urge to break out laughing shattered. A scold stillness crept over her, almost freezing her body solid. She didn't stop walking, but she felt her expression blank immediately. 'Princess Celestia banished her sister to the moon for a thousand years,' whispered in her mind.
The thought haunted her.
'How different are they?' she wondered. They were sisters. So completely opposite, yet she could undeniably see them as sisters. Princess Celestia, ruler of the day, Nightmare Moon, ruler of the night. Opposites, yet so important for one another.
But maybe they weren't completely different.
Her eyes drifted down to the floor as she walked on. She didn't pay attention to where she was walking, but that was okay. Midnight- and everypony else- paid attention, letting her focus entirely on her thoughts, on her problems, on her predicaments.
She had not known until Nightmare Moon returned that Princess Celestia had banished her own sister to the moon. She hadn't even known Princess Celestia had a sister! Would knowing that have changed anything? She wasn't sure, and that uncertainty haunted her. 'It's Princess Celestia!' her mind cried out, knowing that not trusting her was so treacherous.
Yet it was still undeniable, that she knew after reading the prophecy that Nightmare Moon would return. She had trusted Princess Celestia completely. Princess Celestia had told her it was just an old pony's tale. Princess Celestia had lied to her. Maybe her trust had been abused. Maybe she didn't trust Princess Celestia as much as she thought she did. She knew she didn't trust her as much now as she did before Nightmare Moon returned. It was hard to keep faith in her mentor, given that her mentor had lied to her.
She clenched her jaw.
She had come to a stop. She blinked, then looked up. To her bewilderment, right in front of her was that door which she was so familiar with. Coldness grabbed her body with all the crushing force of tons upon tons of rock. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't move. She just stared at the door, looking straight ahead. Just above where her eyes focused, there was a silvery emblem of a crescent moon.
Princess Celestia's cutie mark was gone.
'It really is Nightmare Moon's chambers now...'
When had it changed? She didn't know. It had to have been recent. It had to have been she was so thoroughly doing her best to avoid Nightmare Moon. She felt a pang of remorse in her chest, but there was nothing to be done about it.
She swallowed, then felt her heart leap into her throat as the door glowed with Nightmare's aura, then opened. Standing before her, Nightmare looked down at her with all the power, grace, and terrifying beauty that befitted her. The door opened all the way, and she found herself staring ahead at that crescent moon on Nightmare Moon's chestplate.
"Twilight Sparkle," Nightmare greeted, her voice almost fond. But there was still something else there in the greeting that she couldn't place. "Come," was her command.
She swallowed, then stepped forward as Nightmare stepped to the right, giving her an unobstructed path into the room. She walked in through that doorway, and the air felt so much heavier, perhaps even stagnant, weighing down on her, crushing her even more than seeing her teacher had. She had entered the lair of a monster that could kill her in a heartbeat, and the very atmosphere acknowledged that fact.
Her ears folded back, and numbly, she came to a stop in the center of the room, staring straight ahead at the desk across from the entrance. How many times had she seen the beloved white coat of her beloved mentor there? How many times had she seen the graceful, beautiful ethereal mane of her beloved mentor there? And now it was empty. She heard the door click as it closed, and knew that the door had been locked, trapping her in the room with nowhere to go, just her and Nightmare Moon. Her hooves and legs shook. Nightmare looked at her back, she felt it, and her body went still.
Nightmare walked around behind her. Each hoofstep sounded so distinct and individual, as if announcing Nightmare's movements, telling her where Nightmare was. It was an intent stride, and each step was calculated meticulously, never an inch more or less than it had to be. Nightmare walked up beside her, then crossed in front of her before turning to face her.
She didn't look up at her, but she could see and feel Nightmare's eyes shifting, darting over her body, never lingering on one spot for more than a second. Nightmare was looking for something. She didn't find it, and she felt Nightmare's disappointment as much as she heard and saw it. Nightmare's posture slumped, her wings twitched down, and she sighed.
"It is very important that we communicate openly, Twilight Sparkle," Nightmare said. Her voice was calm, yet there was a bitterness and a disappointment in her chastising voice.
She braced herself for whatever would follow, but it seemed that Nightmare saw that and took it as something she had not desired. For a second, Nightmare scowled, but then it was gone.
Nightmare opened her mouth, then after a moment closed it again. "Speak, Twilight Sparkle," was her command.
Nothing came. She kept her mouth sealed shut and just stood there. Too much raced through her mind, too much anxiety gripped her.
She could just barely tell Nightmare frowned. "I do not expect you to be perfect, Twilight Sparkle. If you think I do, you are incorrect," she spoke cautiously. "Do I have to continue to remind you of this? Must I continue to remind you that I am not your enemy, that I am not just lying in wait for you to slip up? Do you not comprehend that I value you as my student and that I do not want you to feel so hostile towards me?"
The bitterness was there, but it wasn't in full force. And to her shock, she thought she heard pain in that voice. She heard and saw Nightmare inhale, then exhale. The air felt too warm, but not like an inferno. The air felt too cold, but not like a blizzard. Nightmare's eyes glanced back and forth across her face, once again searching for something.
"Please, Twilight Sparkle, do not think that I intend to hurt you," Nightmare said. Her teacher met her eyes, then reasoned, "You are my student. I cannot teach you if you continue to avoid me. You cannot perform at your best if you are so afraid of me that you cannot focus on your studies."
Nightmare scrutinized her. She stood still. It was a perfectly reasonable argument. But it came from Nightmare Moon.
"What must I do to fix this?" Nightmare asked.
'Return Princess Celestia!' shot out in her mind, and she made absolutely certain not to voice that.
Seeing nothing from her, Nightmare asked, "What must I do to gain your trust, Twilight Sparkle?" It was a genuine question, and that in itself caught her off-guard.
And because of it, Twilight knew she was being unreasonable. She was acting just like a foal. She looked away from Nightmare and stared down at the marble floor between Nightmare's hooves. 'She is trying to fix this...' came to her mind in a grave tone. "I-I don't feel safe around you," she stammered.
"This much I can tell," Nightmare retorted.
She winced and stepped back, clenching her eyes shut and lowering her head.
Nightmare reacted somehow too. She wasn't sure how, but she knew Nightmare reacted to it. She didn't see it, but she heard it. The next thing she heard was a sigh from Nightmare, followed by, "Forgive me. I am trying to be patient, Twilight Sparkle, but you make this difficult, and considering all of the other problems I have to address, I would rather have our relationship not be one of these problems." There was a pause while Nightmare waited for it to sink in, then her teacher continued, "I am not experienced with having a student either. I have never had one, and in the past, I have considered the very idea insane, so I do not know what to do in this situation, Twilight Sparkle."
"I-I'm sorry that I've b-been avoiding you," she croaked out. For some reason, saying it out loud, admitting it to her teacher, she felt pain from it. Her ears pressed back against her head and she shuddered as she inhaled. Why did she feel this way!? It was absurd! Nightmare Moon was a psychopath! She knew she shouldn't feel bad, she knew that she shouldn't have felt on the verge of tears, because of apologizing for avoiding her! Avoiding her was perfectly reasonable! Any sane pony would have avoided her!
Or maybe it was everything she was dealing with that made it hurt. Maybe it was losing Princess Celestia, losing Spike. Maybe even losing those insane ponies that she somehow considered 'friends.' Everything hanging over her head now. Maybe it was that her trust in Princess Celestia wasn't the same as it was, or that she wasn't sure she could trust Princess Celestia like she once could. Maybe it was how vulnerable she felt. Maybe it was the fear Nightmare provoked.
Maybe it was that Nightmare Moon was Princess Celestia's sister, and avoiding her felt like a betrayal to Princess Celestia, a betrayal to being who she was. Avoiding her mentor? It was antithesis to her, or at least she thought so, and yet, here she was, doing just that. Avoiding her teacher, avoiding the lessons her teacher could give her, turning her back on her own studious nature.
"You are forgiven, Twilight Sparkle," Nightmare said calmly. "But please do not make a habit of avoiding me. I do not appreciate it."
She nodded quickly, though at the same moment felt even worse. Nightmare's voice repeated in her mind, 'I do not appreciate it,' and as it did, the full weight of the implications of that crushed down on her. Here she was, perhaps the pony closest to Nightmare Moon, avoiding her. How badly did that hurt her mentor? And what did that mean, given that Nightmare had banished her own sister, after her sister had banished her for a thousand years? Nightmare Moon didn't have anypony else, did she?
She heard Nightmare take a step forward, then she felt Nightmare's feather brush over her cheek. That so gentle stroke brought with it a feeling of relief, perhaps even acceptance. It was comforting, reassuring. And while she felt Nightmare's feather brush over her fur, she felt that maybe it would be okay.
Nightmare's feather continued along her cheek, then brushed upward. For the briefest moment, Nightmare's feather glided through her mane, then it was gone. It didn't bring the same panic and bewilderment that overcame her when Nightmare had brushed her mane. She opened her eyes and hesitantly looked up at Nightmare. Nightmare watched her, looking at her with an expression that was perhaps almost compassionate.
"I am not a monster, Twilight Sparkle. No matter what you think, I am no monster," was her assurance. "I may hate my dear sister-" the words were spoken so venomously, saying that she spat it out like a curse did not do it justice, "but I do not want to destroy Equestria. You may have been my sister's student, you and your friends may have tried to stop me, but I do not want to kill you or them, Twilight Sparkle. You are valuable. Do not think that you are not, or that I will simply throw your life away on a whim."
She looked back down at Nightmare's chestplate and nodded. She swallowed and reluctantly muttered, "But, if I betray you..." Even more reluctantly, she glanced up to see Nightmare's reaction.
Nightmare inhaled, then exhaled. It almost sounded like a contemplative, perhaps even defeated sigh. "Do not betray me," she paused for a moment as if searching for the right thing to say, then more hesitantly said, "and we will not have to cross that bridge."
She nodded timidly as she stared into Nightmare's eyes. Her eyes dropped back to focus on Nightmare's chestplate.
"Twilight Sparkle?" Nightmare called. She looked back up at the sound of her name. Nightmare studied her. "I will not hurt you unless you give me reason to," she stated. "I have nothing to gain from hurting you for no reason."
Her mind refused to believe that, shouting back, 'You would enjoy it!' Even if, logically, she knew Nightmare was probably telling the truth. Assuming, of course, Nightmare was thinking about it logically. She had no reason- other than the belief that Nightmare Moon was a psychopath- to believe her mentor did not think about it logically. But there was still the possibility that she was somehow a threat to Nightmare Moon, and that stole whatever assurance she could take from what her teacher told her. And, of course, Nightmare Moon might enjoy it. She swallowed her fear back and reluctantly ventured, "What... about other ponies..?"
For a moment, Nightmare did not answer her. Nightmare looked as if she pondered the question, thinking through her response, then rolling it around with her tongue. Finally, she answered, "You are my student, other ponies are not. I may not trust you because you were my sister's student, but I am willing to give you the opportunity to change this, as I am willing to give you the benefit of a doubt because of your youth and from what I have seen of you since my return. I am more forgiving of you than the guards because you are my student, but like you, I will not hurt them without reason. It is not beneficial to do so, and it would be quite detrimental to my efforts."
"It's not in your best interests," was her hesitant summary.
Nightmare's lips pulled up into a smile, and there was a glint of glee in her eyes. "Yes," was her response. "Fear is an effective tool, but as I have said before, I know that I cannot rely solely upon it. Such is the case with you."
She shifted her weight, squirming as Nightmare watched her so thoroughly, while her mind said, 'She knows how scared I am of her!' It didn't make her tremble, but it left her feeling as if something- perhaps even Nightmare Moon- would jump out at her without warning to attack her.
"Think of this logically, Twilight Sparkle," Nightmare commented. "If I kill you for no reason, ponies will see that and nothing beneficial will come of it. If you force me to kill you, then I have no choice, because if I do not, it weakens my rule: ponies would question my authority. You are still important to Equestria, individual guards less so. But that is not to say that I will kill them without reason. As with you, that would not be beneficial to me. If I kill ponies without a reason, Twilight Sparkle, that only undermines my rule. If I kill them for a reason, such as them betraying me, that reinforces my rule: it serves as a warning. However, I am not so naive to believe that I can simply kill whoever I wish, or at least, not if I want to maintain my Empire. As I have said before, I have no desire to rule over a wasteland. Ruling entirely through fear and force cannot last."
She nodded timidly. Hearing Nightmare's reasoning, a part of her found more assurance in it. Nightmare was calculated rather than whimsical. Assuming, of course, that her mentor wasn't lying to her. And more importantly, it was assuming that Nightmare Moon could control her anger. And given how she saw the alicorn snap before, she wasn't convinced Nightmare Moon could control that anger. She still couldn't trust that her mentor wasn't lying to her, but she couldn't exactly say that, either.
But rather than continue that rather unnerving conversation, Nightmare instead asked, "Is there anything you wish to discuss with me? It is beneficial that we do so if you would like to."
Seizing at the opportunity for a change of topic, she asked the first thing that came to mind that wouldn't provoke Nightmare's ire, "How... did I get back to Canterlot..?"
"I brought you back, of course," was Nightmare's dismissive reply. For a second, nothing happened, then she could practically see hindsight kick Nightmare Moon in the gut. Her lips curled in a wince, and she saw the realization of making a mistake cross her teacher's features. "You..." Nightmare trailed off and pursed her lips unsurely. She could almost hear a low, disgusted groan come from Nightmare's throat. "Does this concern you?"
She hesitated, then gave a slow nod.
Nightmare's wings twitched downward again, but it was over so fast. "I am not going to attack you in your sleep, Twilight Sparkle," she said. "Perhaps I would my enemies," her teacher paused to lean in closer to her, then emphatically continued, "but you are my student... You are a foal."
Her eyes darted up to meet Nightmare's. "Does that really matter to you?"
Nightmare's eyes narrowed and her head pulled returned to its prior position. "Yes," was her succinct reply. "I am not a monster. I am not going to murder foals, least of all in their sleep. I thought I made that clear. Why would it be in my best interest to hurt or kill foals?"
She held her gaze on Nightmare for a few more seconds, then looked off at the wall to her right. She studied it silently, then found her gaze pulled to the shut door leading to Princess- Nightmare Moon's bedchambers. Her ears flicked.
Maybe she had some safety, then. Nightmare Moon wasn't insane. Nightmare Moon was logical, perhaps even, in her own twisted way, reasonable. Assuming Nightmare Moon could control herself, which she wasn't sure of. She still felt nagging doubt eating at her. Who was to say Nightmare wasn't simply lying to her? There was no way for her to actually prove what Nightmare said, at least not without risking her own life.
"I will say it again, Twilight Sparkle: I do not want to kill you. Do not give me a reason to and I will not," Nightmare said.
But it was a lie, of course. Even if Nightmare meant that, wouldn't it be reason enough when she was no longer useful? And what if she was a threat to Nightmare Moon? What if Nightmare Moon snapped in anger again? She looked down at the floor and felt her whole body drooping towards the floor.
"You are my student, Twilight Sparkle. I will protect you, and I will teach you to protect yourself so that you do not become a burden on me," Nightmare continued.
She looked back at Nightmare. She searched Nightmare's expression. It was reserved, perhaps even cautious, as if she was making certain that she was speaking carefully. "Why?" she asked innocently. Only after she said it did she realize she had spoken.
Nightmare didn't snap at her. For a moment, Nightmare was silent, watching her as she tensed up. She watched Nightmare inhaled and extend her wing in one graceful manner, then she closed her eyes as Nightmare's feather reached towards her. Another gentle brush, along her cheek, then gliding up over her mane, before withdrawing. She opened her eyes as a calm peace pushed back the anxiety.
"It is in my best interest," Nightmare answered. "I will teach you to protect yourself so that if something transpires that draws us into a battle, you will not be a greater risk to me than you must be."
She clenched her jaw for a moment, only relaxing to mutter, "Not that..." But even with that said, her mind lingered on the prospect of fighting a battle beside Nightmare Moon. Oh, that was a downright silly idea! Absurd even. Princess Celestia hadn't even let her help with Nightmare Moon. Although, in hindsight, that probably was Princess Celestia trying to protect her. She hoped that was why because the alternative made Princess Celestia lying to her all the worse. Nightmare probably would have killed her first, since it would have made her battle easier. 'But I suppose there's the possibility that we would have no choice...' a part of her mused.
Still, the thought of actually fighting alongside Nightmare Moon was preposterous. Surely there was no way that could ever happen! Unless somepony was trying to kill her. Then maybe.
For a moment, Nightmare's eyes darted off of her body, staring out into space, then they returned. "You are my student," was her answer.
She frowned. "Then why am I your student? Why are you so intent on keeping me when...!" She exhaled sharply and felt her anxiety skyrocket inside her chest.
Nightmare didn't rebuke her display, despite her fears. Instead, Nightmare regarded her for a moment, then reached out with her wing. Her eyes darted to the wing as it approached her, then as a feather touched her cheek, she felt that anxiety deflating. The feather slid over her cheek in a single comforting stroke, as if whisking away that anxiety, then Nightmare folded her wing. She swallowed and looked back at her teacher. "Did I not tell you before, that I need you?" was her teacher's question.
She clenched her jaw and muttered, "Yes..."
Nightmare's lips pulled up into a smile.
"I don't understand!" she retorted. After a moment, she swallowed and carefully said in a quiet voice, "You have no reason to trust me... You have no reason to make me your student because I was your sister's student..."
Nightmare's smirk faded as her lips fell into a neutral line. She thought there was the barest hint of pain washing over Nightmare's features. Nightmare turned her head to the side, followed by what might have been another sigh, then looked at her again. Her teacher calmly inclined her head as if in acceptance, then said, "You were my sister's student, yes. However, as I have said, having you become my student is useful. You can help me."
Once again, Nightmare's eyes glided over her body, taking in her form. She felt that gaze crawl over her back, linger on her side, jump to her other side, then back, and crawl the rest of the way, back to her flank, then it stopped there, going over the outline of her cutie mark, taking in each ray, then each star surrounding the starburst. Then, Nightmare's eyes jumped back to meet her own. She swallowed. Nightmare watched her for a second more, then looked off somewhere at the wall to her right before turning her head, and then her body, towards the wall.
Nightmare walked forward a few steps and lit her horn, meanwhile, Twilight turned her head to watch. Nightmare opened the door to her bedchambers, then calmly ordered, "Follow."
Timidly, Twilight turned, then walked into place beside Nightmare, who casually walked into the bedroom.
"Relax," was Nightmare's next order, accompanied a moment later by the feeling of a feather on her coat. Twilight barely suppressed a shiver as that feather stroked along her back, then brushed over her mane.
She relaxed, but her guard still did not fall. She relaxed and held herself less rigidly, less formally, but was still entirely aware of her precarious position: she was useful, but perhaps she would not always be useful.
Once inside the bedroom, Nightmare turned towards the left, and as Twilight took a few long steps to keep pace with her mentor, she determined their destination: the balcony, signaled by Nightmare's magic enveloping the door, then opening it.
Looking out through the open door, she beheld the dark night sky. Stars twinkled above Canterlot, and the moon was just out of sight. Her legs slowed, hesitating to take her any further, knowing what she would see on the moon when it came into sight. Nightmare paused to look back at her, but Nightmare's expression did not harden. No, Nightmare was patient, if only with her, and if only to an extent. Nightmare had to know patience, given what she had endured.
She swallowed, then blinked. Without thinking about it, she glanced at her mentor, then turned her attention back to the sky. Overriding her legs desire not to carry herself forward, she walked on towards the balcony. Despite unease at knowing what she would see, she did not carry herself rigidly: there was no reason for her to be anxious or scared, surely, nothing was going to hurt her. Nightmare Moon would be right there beside her, surely able to protect her, even more than Princess Celestia could have, or had.
'Princess Celestia didn't really protect me from you...' a part of her mind whispered treacherously. She cast the thought aside and turned her head to look up at Nightmare as she took her place at her mentor's side, though the thought still gnawed at her.
Nightmare smiled, then gracefully strode out onto the balcony, still holding onto that smile. She walked beside her, swallowing as she passed through the doorway. She hadn't meant to, but no sooner had she stepped out onto the balcony than her gaze had shot up to the moon. She hadn't meant to, but she looked, and then stared, at the scarring that marked Princess Celestia's banishment.
The numbness in her core returned. Her eyes drifted down, then jumped down from the moon. She focused on one star in particular. She neither knew the star's name nor cared. She didn't really even consider the star, despite it being the sole focus of her gaze. It was just a simple scapegoat, something to distract her from the moon and the features dotting its surface. Eventually, her eyes leveled on the railing.
She was vaguely aware that she had stopped in the middle of the balcony, but so had Nightmare. Had she spurred on Nightmare stopping, or had it been the other way around? She didn't know. She glanced at Nightmare, but her gaze lingered longer than she intended. Her gaze was drawn up along Nightmare's neck, then she looked at her head and found that Nightmare's head was tilted back, lifted up into the air as she stared at the moon.
Yet Nightmare didn't look comforted. She didn't look like somepony basking in the glory of her victory, but rather, like somepony contemplating imperfections. She glanced down at Nightmare's lips. There was no scowl, nor smile, only a tense, rigid line as her lips pressed together. Yet looking along Nightmare's side, she found that her teacher didn't hold herself so formally. Her teacher's body was relaxed, or at least casual, not standing as if she were in anguish.
Turning her gaze back to Nightmare's eyes, she watched them shift, jumping from place to place as if she was scrutinizing the features scarred into her moon. As if she saw those black scorches and took them in disgust, as they were something that was never meant to be there.
And she remembered, that for that short when Nightmare Moon had been free and before Princess Celestia had been banished in her place, that the moon wasn't scarred by those dark craters. Instead, it was so pure, pristine, and unblemished. The picture on the wall, of the alicorn silhouetted by the moon, also had that same purity. That was how the moon was supposed to look. Free from the corruption of a banished alicorn. And now, the moon was scarred by another banished alicorn. It wasn't meant to look that way, even if that was all she and countless other ponies had ever known. The moon was stained, blemished by the evidence of her Princess' banishment.
What was that like for Nightmare Moon when she realized that? A shiver went down her spine as she pictured Nightmare's reaction: it was oh so different from how she regarded the moon now. Instead of disgust and disappointment, she could picture Nightmare so irate, as angry if not angrier than she had ever seen her teacher.
As if sensing her thoughts, the hard line on her teacher's lips softened, though an indifferent line remained, and her teacher glanced back at her, meeting her gaze. How much pain had those sharp eyes seen? How much pain had she gone through, that brought her to hate her sister so much? Even Princess Celestia's eyes lacked the infinite depth that seemed to draw her in, despite the fear that those eyes provoked. Her eyes were perfect for a predator, so fear-inducing, yet so deep that even if the fear did not paralyze her prey, the depth would.
Nightmare inhaled and leveled her head, then turned her head back towards her. "Tell me, Twilight Sparkle, do you enjoy this?" was her calm question.
She looked back at the sky, taking in the infinite vastness that blanketed Equestria. There was so much wonder in the sky above as the stars shimmered, casting their pinpoints of light down on the world beneath them. How could she say no to the beauty of the night sky? The day sky paled in comparison. And then there was also the fact that to say no would be to draw Nightmare's ire. "The sky?" she asked. On the edge of her vision, she saw Nightmare nod. "Yes... It's beautiful," she answered.
Nightmare smiled and looked back up at the sky. "Indeed it is..." she whispered under her breath. "If you enjoy this, then I think we should try to do this more often." Nightmare looked back at her again and for a moment, her teacher's eyes rolled over her features. Then finally, Nightmare's eyes met her own and her teacher asked, "Would you be willing to?"
She hesitated. 'It's an opportunity to get closer to her,' a part of her reasoned. And perhaps that would give her more safety, or perhaps she could somehow use that to her advantage. 'If I do this with her, then maybe she would have some use for me...' the thought trailed off.
But maybe that was thinking about it the wrong way. Instead of looking at it for her own benefit, maybe she should have tried to look at it as a way to help Nightmare, if only because Nightmare didn't have anypony else. She felt a pang of guilt at that.
Maybe it was something they could both enjoy.
She inhaled then nodded.
Nightmare turned away from her to watch the sky once more. "I would enjoy doing this more with you," was her comment. "Although perhaps sending you to Ponyville would make that more difficult," was the disappointed musing that followed.
She wasn't entirely sure what to think about that, nor was she sure what she felt. A part of her rejoiced at the prospect of having that kind of distance between them, and this part also dreaded the idea that Nightmare would change her mind about letting her visit her friends. Another part of her found that she was disappointed at knowing it would be more difficult: being there with Nightmare Moon and enjoying the night was comforting; it helped ease her nerves. She still couldn't help but see that disappointment as so incredibly odd, even though she surmised that it was because Nightmare was her teacher. It would have been the same with Princess Celestia, she knew. But the distance really shouldn't have been a problem. She was never out of Nightmare's grasp. "You can teleport..." was her hesitant response.
Nightmare glanced back at her. Nightmare inclined her head and acknowledged, "Yes, you are correct. But as I have said before: I cannot be everywhere at once, even with my magic. Constantly teleporting to Ponyville and back to Canterlot would be... tedious."
She squinted at her teacher. "Is teleporting really that tedious?"
Nightmare turned to face her. "Do not misunderstand, Twilight Sparkle. I can teleport back and forth between Canterlot and Ponyville. It is not difficult given the extent of my magic, it is simply that I do not want to do it constantly. If I have time, then if you would like, I can visit and we can do this, or perhaps I will have enough time to finally start your lessons."
She nodded slowly. "I'd like to learn the teleportation spell..." she hinted.
Nightmare apparently found it amusing, as she smiled. "And I shall teach you this spell," was her reply. "Although I will warn you not to try to teleport between Canterlot and Ponyville. You are not ready for such a thing."
She nodded more eagerly. Somewhere in her mind, it stood out that Nightmare said she wasn't ready instead of capable. Nightmare watched her for a few seconds longer, then calmly turned her head back to face the sky. Her teacher inhaled audibly, then silently, her chest deflated.
"I find myself perplexed by you, Twilight Sparkle," Nightmare said. "In truth, so much has me perplexed since my return." Nightmare's head drifted downward, and she saw Nightmare's eyes glance side to side, sweeping over the railing as her head fell, "So much of this makes no sense..." Then, her teacher shook her head before turning to look at her. "But this is a conversation for another time. You wish to return to Ponyville to see your friends, correct?"
She hesitated, then nodded quickly.
Nightmare turned around to face her. "I have already made arrangements for this," she explained, "And so you shall by batpony chariot. You will be accompanied by a guard, and I believe you should be acquainted with her: Midnight Edge. She is assigned to protect you," Nightmare stated.
She nodded hesitantly, but her mind screamed out against the idea. Was it not enough that she had agreed to stargaze with her teacher more? Was it not enough that she was wearing that crescent moon necklace through which Nightmare kept her on a leash? No! It simply wasn't! No, she had to have a guard, right there beside her, of course! Yet, at least she could take some comfort in knowing that the guard was somepony who she was vaguely familiar with.
Even if the guard was one of Nightmare Moon's soldiers.
Or, maybe she was overreacting, and maybe Nightmare Moon meant what she said, that Midnight was supposed to protect her.
"Right..." she muttered.
Nightmare regarded her cautiously for a moment before continuing, "While you are in Ponyville, you may do whatever you wish. Spend time with your friends. Explore. You are not my prisoner. But you will be overseeing the reconstruction of my castle, and I expect you to continue studying magic as you have. And though I am sure you are aware of this, I will remind you: Do not remove the necklace." For a moment, Nightmare paused in hesitation, then added, "And do not betray me."
She nodded timidly. "I-I won't," she affirmed.
Nightmare nodded slowly as if she wasn't sure. She felt like her teacher's uncertainty came not from whether or not she was going to betray her- which she wasn't- but rather out of the fact that her teacher was giving her such an opportunity.
Then at least they had that much in common, that neither of them trusted the other.
Nightmare stared at her intently. "Although I will ask that you keep your friends in line. I do not want to have to deal with them causing problems. They are your responsibility."
And that was unfair, and a part of her found that command crazy. How could she keep those five in line!? She was still just a filly, all of them were older than her. And there was no reason for her to actually think they'd still consider her a friend. She still wasn't sure why she considered them friends, either. Why would they listen to her? Then again, maybe it was fine. They had turned to her for leadership when they had been captured.
And Nightmare could always just essentially threaten her life to keep her friends in line.
That probably wouldn't be necessary. She still swallowed and nodded.
Nightmare inhaled. "Do not be so tense," she chastised, "it is not good for you."
Twilight winced and slowly averted her gaze from her teacher, the thought, 'You don't make it easy, you know!' shooting through her mind.
"Now, Midnight will escort you to the chariot when the time comes, but you still have a few hours before you have to leave," Nightmare started, "And it has come to my attention that you have either been avoiding your parents as you have been avoiding me, or you have felt like you cannot visit them."
She winced and closed her eyes as anxiety swelled up inside her. Oh, when was the last time she had seen her parents? She really didn't know. It had been a while. Well before the Summer Sun Celebration. She had been busy, of course. And visiting her parents really wasn't high on her to-do list, of course. Especially now. Now would be worse. Now, she wasn't Princess Celestia's student. She was Nightmare Moon's student. She didn't want to have to face them now. Not with everything that was hanging over her head, not with knowing that it very well could be the last time she saw them. Not with knowing that Nightmare could still take her life at any moment. And perhaps worse, Nightmare might use her parents as leverage, or they might say something before she could stop them. Or Nightmare doing something to them because of her.
Her chest and stomach churned and twisted in anxiety as her eyes grew warm.
And then what? What about her brother, what about Cadance? What would-
She felt a feather touch her cheek. It was like a dagger, stabbing the ball of anxiety and forcing it to deflate. The anxiety bled out even faster as that dagger slid through it, mimicking the path the feather took along her cheek, lengthening the cut until her anxiety bled out. Then, Nightmare lifted that feather away. She opened her eyes and looked at Nightmare, then looked down at Nightmare's wing as it extended to her cheek once again.
She watched the feather touch her, then slide along her cheek. She saw how her fur parted around that soft feather, and she saw how the black barbs of the vane mixed in with her lavender coat so thoroughly, almost forming a mesh of softness. She swallowed, and Nightmare's feather slid out of view, then brushed through her mane.
She looked up at Nightmare, who just watched her. Calmly, patiently. Maybe Nightmare really meant what she said, that she didn't want to hurt her. But then, if it came to the point where hurting her was in her teacher's best interest, it wouldn't matter.
Nightmare folded her wing. "Go see your parents," was all she said.
She nodded without voicing any resistance.
Nightmare turned back around. "You may leave now. Midnight will escort you to your parents' house and ensure nopony tries to hurt you. She will not disturb you until it is time for your trip to Ponyville, unless you require anything of her."
She waited. She didn't know how long, but she waited, just standing there, watching Nightmare. Eventually, her hooves carried her back, then she turned around. Each step brought with it anxiety, after all, her back was turned to Nightmare, and Nightmare was out of her sight. But she walked back inside, then walked through the bedroom, and into the study, all without incident.
She reached the door to the hallway and came to a stop, staring at it. For a few seconds, she just let the anxiety churn inside of her, then she finally mustered her courage and lit her horn. Nothing happened. She wasn't attacked, nothing tried to stop her.
Despite knowing that the door was locked and that she had been sealed in the room with Nightmare Moon, she reached out and tried to open the door. It was a futile effort, she knew, but she made it anyway.
The door opened; it wasn't locked.
She stood there as her magic pulled the door all the way open. Somehow, even with seeing the door opening right in front of her, it still didn't click that it had never been locked in the first place. It didn't click that she hadn't been sealed in the room with Nightmare Moon.
The anxiety continued to churn in her chest, even as she walked past the doorway into the hall. Even leaving behind the atmosphere of her mentor's chambers didn't quell that anxiety.
She heard Midnight's playful, cheerful voice ask, "Soo, how'd things go?" and turned to look at her. Her eyes didn't quite focus on Midnight, instead wanting to remain unfocused, or focused on the end of the hallway, despite Midnight's gray coat blocking that spot from her view. Eventually, Midnight tilted her head, waved an armored hoof and blinked. "Uh, Twilight, you doing okay?"
She wasn't sure if it was Midnight's movement or the question, but her eyes refocused on Midnight. She blinked, then swallowed before licking her lips. She hesitated to answer, instead, taking in Midnight's concerned expression, the way she could see that her brow was folded, despite her helmet, the tension in her lips, the way her cheeks pulled up close to her eyes from the squint. "Um, yes. Sorry," she finally answered. "I just-"
"You don't need to be so nervous, you know," Midnight preempted.
She wanted to emphatically reply, 'Yes, yes I do!' She wanted to glare at Midnight. She wanted to sit down and explain to Midnight every single detail of every reason she had to be nervous, specifically starting and ending with Nightmare Moon. She didn't actually have the will or the desire to actually do any of it, despite how much a part of her wanted to. Plus, Nightmare would overhear it all.
So instead, she compromised and just huffed. So what if it was unreasonable!? She could be unreasonable if she wanted to! She was still a filly after all!
Although it wasn't a good example of her, nor was it anything Princess Celestia would have approved of. That made her wince. She was also aware that it represented Nightmare Moon poorly, and that Nightmare probably wouldn't approve of that either.
Still, she didn't apologize for it. Princess Celestia would have chastised her for that too, but Princess Celestia was gone.
"So, are you ready to head to your parents' house?" Midnight asked before she could wince again.
She timidly nodded, already once again dreading the prospect of seeing her parents. The dread only grew as question upon question assaulted her mind and she pictured the worst-case scenarios. Would they accept her? Would they still love her, despite her betraying Princess Celestia and all of Equestria by becoming Nightmare Moon's student? Would they think she was weak for doing it to save her own life? Would they be ashamed of her for falling so far behind on her studies? Would they be mad at her for leaving Spike behind to protect him? What would they do?
"So, um. I don't actually know where your parents live," Midnight admitted, her voice cutting through her questions and fears. "Sooo... you're gonna have to lead."
She looked at Midnight, then just stared at her. One second followed by another past by. She blinked, holding her eyes shut for another second, then opened them to stare at Midnight for even longer.
Midnight pulled her head back and puffed out her chest. "What? It's not like I have any idea where anything is here! I've never been to Canterlot before!" the batpony defended. The defensive posture faded as she continued, "Besides, they're your parents. And I'm fairly certain our Queen doesn't even know where they live, so..."
She just inhaled, then exhaled.
Midnight frowned at her and pointed out, "Hey, it's not like you'd know your way around Hollow Shades."
"Right," she acknowledged succinctly. "Well, we should get going then. How long until we have to leave for Ponyville?"
Midnight brightened right back up, her posture relaxing and her eyes almost lighting up. "Oh! About two hours. That should be plenty of time, right?"
'No,' was what she wanted to say. Sure, it would be enough time for her to actually see her parents, but it wasn't a whole lot. There'd be the walk to get there and then the walk back, and she knew that they should leave early just in case something happened to delay them. Maybe being late for the chariot would be okay, but she still didn't like it. But, at the same time, two hours was far too long, given that she was dreading the prospect of seeing her parents again just as much, if not more than, she looked forward to it. With all this in mind, she suppressed a grimace and answered, "Yes."
Midnight either chose to ignore her grimace or didn't notice it. Midnight just closed her eyes, smiling, and replied with an eager, "All right then! Let's go." Then, she opened her eyes and more casually added, "And you need to lead. I don't know where we're going."
"You said that before," she noted.
"Mhm," Midnight acknowledged with a nod. "Just waiting on you."
She didn't reply, but she did acknowledge Midnight by walking forward and taking the lead. As she walked by Midnight, she turned her head to stare at her. Midnight turned as she walked by to keep facing her, then Midnight finally started walking along beside her. For a few more seconds, she watched Midnight, then she turned her head forward so she didn't stare.