September 14th, the Year MCCCXLV
The summer is slowly, but surely coming to an end. The relentless heat that has plagued us this summer is finally winding down. The nights are cooler, and the humidity of the day has lessened. Rain is not a constant, thankfully, but enough to keep the water sources well nourished. I am pleased to see the need disappear.
And more importantly, Ford has been promoted! He’s a Corporal now, a beginner leader of soldiers! He’s come so far, and to be so strong and trusted! I couldn’t be more proud, he’s done wonderfully, he’s amazing, he’s-
I am getting ahead of myself. Truly I should be more reserved, but I find myself losing focus at the thought of him now. I am not sure how much longer I can hold on.
Ford has been on consideration for a month now, ever since the start of August. He and two others were put on list for the promotion, their first major promotion in the service. As much as I wanted to influence the decision, I remained neutral. I knew Ford would be offended if he did not make it on his own merits, so I forced myself to remain withdrawn from the process until Hearth Fire was certain of it.
He came to me at the start of the month, presenting me his decision and wanting my approval. Although I wanted to give it immediately, I had to feign ignorance for the sake of Ford’s protection.
“Private Ford… he is one of our newer members, is he not?” I asked.
“Yes, Your Majesty, he is new to the Royal Guard. He arrived with Sergeant Coal back in late March, if you may recall,” Hearth Fire explained. “He has been in the service for a year now, a time when he would be initially considered for the promotion by every battalion. I believe he is worthy of it.”
“What makes you consider him first and foremost?” I demanded.
“He is a fine soldier, Your Majesty,” Hearth Fire answered. “He has strong morale no matter the situation, and he knows his craft incredibly well. I have rarely seen one so adept for combat- and any other skill that requires him. He throws himself into every task he is given. Not only that, but he is a good influence on those around him, inspiring them to greater heights. I believe that, if give greater authority, he would be a positive influence on the Royal Guard. He has great potential.”
I pretended to consider it for some time, though I fully well knew what answer I would give. “Very well,” I pretended to decide “Tomorrow afternoon when the sun is high, Private Ford is to be promoted. Let him know, please.”
“Yes, Your Majesty, thank you,” Hearth Fire said, giving a flourished bow and departing. When he left, it was all I could do to stop myself from crying out in happiness.
The promotion occurred this afternoon, all of the Royal Guard bearing witness to Ford’s excellence. After the ceremony, he was well received by his fellows- a string indicator that many believe and trust in the decision that has been made. I could not have made a better choice, even if I was biased. Ford is a strong, capable, and efficient soldier. Now, he is a leader of soldiers.
I found him in the halls this evening, giving him a quick, quiet kiss of congratulations for his excellence, another as a reward for his hard work, and another because I wanted him to know I was proud of him. I left before I could grant further rewards, I beginning to realize that I truly did not want to stop.
The hunger within me, the one that began at the sight of his unblemished body, has not lessened or faded away. It has returned with a veangeance, and now it simply settles within my stomach like a virus. I do not know how long I can bear it. My body yearns for him in ways I did not know possible.
Oh heavens, help me to hold on a little while longer.
September 16th, the Year MCCCXLV
Dear sister, you are an idiot, and your boyfriend is a delusional pinhead.
~Luna
September 17th, the Year MCCCXLV
Luna, stay out of my diary. Seeing as it was a gift from you, I believe you should understand the continued gift of privacy. Do not do such a thing again.
Ha! Make me, you boy-crazed nymphomaniac. Have the dignity to be ashamed of yourself.
~Luna
September 18th, the Year MCCCXLV
Luna, I know where you live, and I know you’re deathly terrified of centipedes. How would it be if you suddenly found a three-foot-long centipede in your bed every morning?
Now leave my diary and talk to me like a normal human being. Stop being angry that I am seeing someone.
Fine. But if he breaks your heart, I will kill him. My only warning.
~Luna
September 19th, the Year MCCCXLV
Oh heavens above, if only I could have a normal sister! Intentionally irritating to the last degree and nothing that I can do to stop it. I love Luna dearly, but I sometimes wonder if she goes out of her way to be an immature nuisance.
The incident that brought her to me occurred the day after Ford had been promoted … and yes, I must admit, probably some of the fault lies with me. Only somewhat. Luna has much blame to bear and I still consider it due to her being rude and overly invasive.
I had quietly asked for Ford to visit me the night he was honored, that vast, irredeemable hunger that I could not satisfy seemingly wearing through my bones. I could not focus on anything except his face, his voice, his magnificent body-
And here I go once more. I must really learn to calm myself through less… conspicuous ways. I am not proud of it. Well, I am somewhat proud. At least a little.
He arrived, well-groomed and relaxed in countenance, that pride he wore the moment he had been upheld still lingered on his face. I beckoned him to the balcony where I stood and we talked of the day, I gladly listening as he discussed the future that lay ahead for him. Ford was excited, passionate about his work. It was a delight to see, and I could hardly tear my eyes away from him. My hand rested upon his shoulder- until I suddenly found it had moved south, resting around his waist. I could not bear to let him out of reach.
Ford noticed something amiss, and saw my own countenance had changed. He seemed concerned, at least until I kissed him. Then again, and again, that wild hunger consuming me like nothing ever had. He put his arms around me and I melted, unable to stand it any longer.
I closed the windows and took him to my bed, ensuring that our world was private, for us and us alone. I held him, I…
I made love to him. The only thing that could satisfy that incurable hunger, the passion and emotion I have buried for weeks finally finding its release as I took him. It was like nothing I had ever felt.
Our world changed that night. Suddenly, as soon as we broke apart, we realized something irreversible had occurred. A path had been struck, and there was no going back now. I still do not understand it, but I do not believe I regret it and neither does he.
We rested together till the dawn came, he discreetly slipping away through a window and out of sight, I bidding him farewell- and granting him a request to return the next night, my hunger still not fully satisfied.
Unfortunately, our privacy was not so adequate that second night.
The entire day seemed to be plagued with issues and near-misses. Every time I would stop for a word, a small greeting, someone would be walking up to our hideaway and I was forced to disappear. Every gesture and gift Ford tried to grace me with was promptly stowed away from prying eyes. The difficulties we faced simply being around one another should have been the indication of worse things to come.
Ford slipped into my chambers late that night, I casting a silencing spell on the door when I found him. We did not hesitate this time around, simply falling into each other’s arms and carrying on as though the night before had never ended.
And then, quite literally out of nowhere, there was an ear-splitting Crack! and the darkened figure of my sister appeared at my bed, catching Ford and I- well, heavily distracted.
I do not know what Luna thought was happening or why she even arrived, only that she managed to utter, “Sister, a word” before noticing Ford. She gave a cry of alarm and attacked Ford in an instant, grabbing him by the throat and throwing him to the ground, preparing to drive a blade
“Luna, wait! Stop!” I cried, throwing a barrier between her and Ford, Luna’s knife shattering against it like glass. “Luna, please! Let him go.”
Luna didn’t move, her hand still clutched tightly around Ford’s throat. I could barely see him but the whites of his eyes were apparent even in the darkness, he likely paralyzed by fear and embarrassment. Luna stared at him before looking over to me, I feeling a heat flushing my body as I was still- quite naked. She turned back to Ford and looking at him with obvious distaste.
“Sister, is this what I think it is?” she said, her voice low with fury.
“Perhaps,” I managed, unsure of what to say. “Luna, please, do not-”
“Oh sweet heaven and hell,” Luna said, dropping Ford to the ground in disgust. “Sister, have you lost all of your senses?” Ford was flung to the side by her powers, slamming into the wall with a thud that nearly knocked him senseless.
“Don’t hurt him!” I cried indignantly, tying the sheets around me in a makeshift dress before crossing the room to Ford and helping him to his feet. “Luna what is the meaning of this?”
“Obviously I showed up at the right time to make you start to think!” Luna said. “Are you completely mad or have you tried to throw away everything you have?”
“I have done nothing of the sort, this choice is mine and mine alone,” I replied.
“No choice you make affects just one person, your choices affect the whole world! How can you be so naïve?” Luna fired back.
“My personal life is my own, don’t act like it’s something of yours to judge!” I replied, becoming more heated.
“I have been with you for your whole life, of course I can judge! Why else would I be here now?”
“This isn’t helping!” Ford interjected, noticing the growing dispute between my sister and I.
Luna did not take kindly to his interruption. “You! Filthy, perverted wretch, say another word and I gut you-”
“Don’t speak to him like that!” I practically snarled, incensed at her indifference towards him.
“Oh, he’s special, is he?” Luna sneered. “I do not know what has gotten into you but I promise I will get you out of it.”
“This is solving nothing!” Ford said, his voicing cutting through the argument. “Tonight is over. I will disappear. Both of you will depart, and find another time and place to discuss this. Right now, no one is in any fit state to make some sort of judgement.”
“Especially with your trousers down, disgusting animal,” Luna said, looking over at Ford with loathing. She turned to me, saying, “See you soon,” before disappearing.
I sighed, amazed at how badly one night could go. “You should leave. I’ll let you know what happens.”
Ford said nothing, simply donning his clothes and departing. I have words with Luna tomorrow night. Hopefully that will dispel all further issues.
September 20th, the Year MCCCXLV
To call it a peace would be presumptuous. A truce is the more fitting term, at least for now.
Luna’s aggression towards me is not unjustified, at least not completely. But her anger against Ford has, temporarily, dissipated. Her anger with me may take some time to fall away.
We met as soon as the sun fell, Luna appearing beside me with a resounding Crack! like the one that had exposed Ford and I.
“You’re alone this time,” she said, giving me no greeting.
“You’re not angry,” I remarked in kind.
“I do not try to be. You’re my sister,” Luna said. “I am sorry if I caused you grief.”
I sighed. “Luna, I have no grudge against you,” I told her. “But to make it sound as though the argument is over would be foolish. Speak to me freely.”
“Freely. Of course. Have you gone completely mad?” Luna said, turning to me. “Sister, your duty is to your people, not one man!”
“I know!” I replied. “Do you think I did not consider that when this all began?”
“How long has this been going on?” Luna asked, appearing disconcerted. “This has been brewing for months, hasn’t it?”
“Six months, almost,” I confessed, sensing Luna’s displeasure. “It is a long story.”
“Tonight is the night for long stories,” Luna remarked. “Who is he?”
“One of my Royal Guard. Saber Ford.”
“Did he make the first move, or you?” She was assessing me- both of us, if I was right.
“In a sense, both of us. I tormented him into action.”
“Explain yourself.”
Luna and I settled down as I spoke, telling the story of how Ford’s courtship of me began. Luna remained relatively impassive, only speaking to ask spare questions. She made no indication of her approval or disapproval for some time.
The moon was high in the sky before she made her judgement. “Sister, I love you dearly,” she began. “But that does not mean I condone all your actions. Do you have any idea how this will look if you are ever found out? The world’s esteem of you will be destroyed forever!”
“I know,” I replied. “Ford and I take the measure necessary to ensure secrecy.”
“And what if you are discovered? What do you plan to do? You must know this will eventually happen. Someone may already suspect something!”
“I know.”
“And?”
“I don’t have a plan, Luna!” I told her. “I simply don’t know what would be done. I can’t answer that!”
Luna sighed, burying her face in her hands. “What is the end result of this?” she asked me. “What is the goal? What’s the end result of this?”
“To simply care about him,” I said plainly. “What more does there need to be?”
“You can’t just hold someone’s heart and not expect something to happen because of it,” Luna said. “What if he wants to marry you? Would you have a secret marriage the whole of your life?”
I hesitated, not sure of how to answer.
“And have you forgotten you are immortal and he is not? Sister, he will die someday, all mortals do!”
“I know that!” I replied.
“Then is this worth the pain it will eventually bring?” Luna said, her face showing her concern. “Sister, I do not approve of this. There are too many dangers inherent in your choice, but I will not rat you out. But for me to simply let this happen would be a disservice! You will inevitably have to say goodbye to him, there is no way to avoid that! You and I will be here until the day the very heart of the universe stops beating. But him- he has only years upon his life, a blink of an eye compared to you and me. You will carry his death forever, is that what you want?”
“Of course not!” I said. “But I can’t deny how I feel about him, or he of me! Maybe it was a decision born of foolishness, but he is part of my life as much as you are! To toss him aside now would be cruelty to us both.”
Luna gave a long, despairing sigh. “Sister, this is not something I condone. I can’t. I see no way that this will not bring you suffering. But if you absolutely must have him, do so. I will not reveal your secret.”
“Thank you, Luna,” I said. “It truly does mean a great deal.”
“Just… be mindful, dear sister,” Luna said as she prepared to depart. “It will only be here for the blink of an eye.” Without another word she departed, her words giving me pause as I pondered them.
She is right. Ford is only mortal, and I eternal. Someday, in some way, Ford and I will have to say goodbye.
I don’t want to think of that just now.