//------------------------------// // Chapter 1 // Story: Discord's Made a Foal of Me // by Hailstorm_ //------------------------------// “Well it’s very nice of you to finally wake up. I know you don’t care, but we’re running on a tight schedule.” I hadn’t been awake for long, maybe a few moments, before hearing a sarcastic male voice that was right on the verge of familiarity. I would have responded immediately, but my bed was feeling strangely comfortable this early in the day and all I could do was nestle in deeper and grumble noncommittally to the voice. If this was the time for me to die, at least I would do it in the comfort of my own bed. At least I wouldn’t have to go back to pulling pallets at work. But just as suddenly as I had woken up, the bed under me just seemed to… disappear. One moment I was drifting back off to sleep and the next I fell very painfully to the unforgiving ground. “You humans really have no sense of hurry, do you?” Came the voice again, growing more and more familiar as it got more aggravated with me. And it seemed that the more he said, the more confused I got by whatever death scenario I was in. Only now was I inclined to open my eyes, shaking off the pain of the sudden fall and the rude awakening I’d just been subjected to. After clearing my eyes, I looked around my room to search for where the voice was coming from. That was when I realized something important: This wasn’t my room. My room may have been pretty unfurnished, but there was nothing around me. No furniture, no carpet, not even a single wall to contain this void. It just extended out as far as I could see which, to be fair, wasn’t very far without glasses. And that wasn’t even getting into the disembodied face floating by my head. “Oh shit, what?” I squeaked out as I crawled on my hands and knees to get away from whatever just appeared next to me. The face rolled its eyes, both with yellow sclera and red irises, though one iris was bigger than the other. He gave me a lopsided grin, one long fang poking out of his mouth as he sneered at me. “Well, that’s quite possibly the first time that trick has worked in years.” He added as more of his head phased into existence. His head was draconic, almost resembling a horse, and it was pointed with two antlers, one deer and the other some sort of strange goat. “Discord?” I asked under my breath, the two brain cells I had left finally putting aside their differences and piecing the puzzle together. I was obviously having another Horse Dream. The rest of the Draconequis’ body phased in at once as he snapped his talons right in my face, causing me to nearly jump out of my skin. “I’m impressed, you got it in under an hour. Maybe I’m underestimating humans after all.” I opened my mouth to respond, wanting to quip along with Discord, but he simply pressed his talon against my lips and I found I couldn’t open my mouth at all. “Now don’t go interrupting me after I just paid you a compliment. Like I said, we’re running on a strict schedule, as much as I despise planning, so just listen and try and follow along, understood?” I tried my best to mumble an agreement, which seemed to be enough for him. Discord gestured to the corkboard beside him, pointing towards a picture of him with a laser pointer. “This, as you obviously know, is me. Discord, Lord of Chaos, best villain in Equestria. And this,” he moved the laser to point towards a picture of me, “was you when you woke up. Are you following so far?” I looked at the photo of myself, curled up in my bed while ignoring the massive grey void around me. Discord was also in frame, giving a peace sign as he cockily grinned for the camera. I rolled my eyes, but nodded along with him and gave a muffled “Mhm”. “Good, moving on.” Discord then pointed to a picture of a small unicorn colt with a dumbfounded look on his face. “Do you know who this is?” The colt was light green with a shaggy, unkempt black mane and dark green eyes. I couldn’t say I recognized him at all, and I had, over seven years, built up an encyclopedic knowledge of every pony in the show. He quickly unpinned the picture from the corkboard and handed it over to me for closer inspection. I reached for it, only to see a green hoof in place of my hand. I looked down at my body to see that I had not only shrunk as Discord was talking to me, but I was now a spitting image of the small, soft pony in the picture he had shown me. “I…” I squeaked in a soft, childish voice without even realizing he was letting me speak again. Looking up at Discord in confusion, I was greeted with a bright flash of light as he snapped a picture of my face. He chuckled to himself as he shook the picture in his claw, sticking it back to the corkboard and smacking it with a wooden pointer in the shape of his claw. “This is you now. You see, I require help in pleasing the Purple Pony Princess of Friendship,” he gestured to a very unflattering picture, “Twilight Sparkle. You know her, correct?” “Yeah, but…” I said softly, clearing my throat a little as my voice was still unfamiliar to me. Slowly my confusion was turning into anger and I glared up at Discord, though it must have been less severe than I intended as he only snickered. “What the fuck am I even doing here? Where even am I? What the fuck could I bring to the table to help you, of all people, screw with Twilight?” To Discord’s credit, he gave my little outburst a lighthearted chuckle. “It’s wonderful to see you’re already getting into character with a tantrum, but let’s save it until showtime, alright?” After a beat, he then glared down at me. “And watch your language. I don’t know how you were raised on Earth, but I’m responsible for you now and I won’t have my child using rude language.” “W-wait, what do you mean by ‘your child’?” I asked, but then noticed he wasn’t even paying attention. He stared down at a watch he’d drawn on his wrist, then tapped it with a claw. “Would you look at the time. If you hadn’t been interrupting me all the time, maybe you would have known?” Clicking his tongue as he looked down at me, he gave a shrug. “Well, if you’re going to be my son you’ll need to grow a sense of improv and playing everything by ear. Now then.” He snapped his talons. I felt a weird pull on my body, and then suddenly I was sitting in a massive hallway crafted of the finest sparkling crystal. Shocked, I whipped my head around to look over my surroundings and out the window I saw a cosy hamlet, covered in snow. “Welcome to Ponyville!” Discord announced with glee as he ruffled my mane, then gestured to the large, heavy looking door in front of me. “Now, are you ready to meet your new mommy?”