//------------------------------// // XVIII. // Story: The Nobody's Regret // by Synthetic Soul //------------------------------// Present Day It’s been a long time. A thousand years of self-imposed isolation. When Luna turned into Nightmare Moon, I abandoned the life I’d built in Equestria. I just couldn’t face Celestia. I couldn’t look her in the eye after what I had allowed to happen. I spent many sleepless nights reliving my mistakes in my head, thinking about what I could have, no, what I SHOULD have done differently. And it weighed heavily on me. I now knew I had a heart, because it broke on that day. I spent the first few days in the Everfree forest, sulking. I couldn’t sleep, and I barely ate. But after a while, I realized there was nothing I could do to fix what had happened. I couldn’t go back and try again. I couldn’t reset time like that kid in Undertale, even though I really wanted to. But even though I couldn’t change the past…I could make sure the future went the way it was meant to. In a thousand years, the stars would align, and aid in Luna’s escape. Twilight Sparkle and her friends would find the Elements of Harmony, and turn her back to her normal self. I made the decision then and there that when the time came, if they needed my help, I would give it. I would let nothing stop the future from being as bright as I knew it would be. Until then…I would wait. I had a LOT of time to kill. So, I decided to spend my time traveling, and improving myself. I journeyed all over Equestria. I ventured to every corner of the nation, making sure not to draw too much attention to myself, yet I didn’t shy away from helping those who needed it. I’d protect ponies in danger, and hone my skills as a mage and a warrior. I fought monsters and villains alike. It was never anything major, or super difficult. The villains were nothing compared to those that appeared in the show. A few crazed power seekers, and chaotic acolytes, but they were pretty small news. I guess there’s a reason Equestria never faced another major threat in the show, between the banishment of Luna, and her return. It was me. When I had seen all there was of Equestria, I decided to venture outside of the kingdom. I traveled all over the world, visiting places like the Badlands, the Griffin Kingdoms, the Dragon Lands. I even found a few places that I hadn’t seen in the show, such as YakYakistan, the Hippogriff lands; I even found a small little village full of pony like creatures called Kirin. I made friends, though…I always kept them at a bit of a distance. Maybe it was because I didn’t want to cause anymore serious heartache, or maybe I didn’t feel right making new creatures my close friends, after I had left Celestia, and my friends in Equestria behind. I wasn’t anti-social; I just…didn’t really let myself get as close to other creatures as I was with the sisters. And, with the curse of my immortality, I watched those friends die. Old age, sickness, or violence, I saw and witnessed them all. It hurt. It hurt a lot. But I new I needed to hold on to that pain and accept it. Because if I let the pain desensitize me, and turn off my emotions…then I really would lose my heart. With some of my friends, when they passed on, I would stay and be apart of their children’s lives, I became a family friend of sorts. But all things come to an end. I always knew when it was my time to depart, and start again. But as proud and happy as I was to have so many good friends and memories to carry with me, it also hurt to know how many I had lost, and all the pain I had seen. Some days were worse than others. I’ve had quite a few sleepless nights in my years, and plenty of nightmares. But I had good dreams too. I honestly don’t know what I would’ve done without those. They let me visit those I lost, including Luna and Celestia. Sometimes I wonder if that was really Luna visiting me from the moon. Who knows? Believe it or not, a few legends started circling about me. The Knight in Black was one of them. I earned it after saving a race of Deer from a Hydra. By this point, I was completely used to being Roxas. Not Sir Roxas, not the leader of the Royal Guard, just Roxas. My old name? My name from the world I was born in…was gone. I couldn’t remember it; no matter how hard I tried. I probably should have written it down somewhere. But…well, what is a name really? Living without my real name, I could accept, I could live with it. But when I could no longer remember my mother’s face, or my father’s…that hurt. For a thousand years, I was alive, but I didn’t grow. My mind could only hold so much information, and stuff that was no longer deemed important was erased and replaced. Huh…I guess my mind didn’t deem my family to be important enough to remember. That nearly broke me. I didn’t’ want to forget them…I didn’t want to forget ANYONE! It wasn’t just my human family, and old life that faded away, but some of my Equestrian life was lost to me as well. Guards I had trained, friends I had made, the less notable and memorable friends I had made were lost to time as well. I really wish I had kept a journal or something. I had to wonder if Celestia and Luna had the have the same problem? I don’t know…I do know that the rules could be different for them, since they’re Alicorns, and I’m human. I just wish I had enough room inside my brain to remember EVERYONE and all the relationships I had made, and cherished. But, I guess that’s just a fantasy. I just hoped…I just hoped that, when the day finally came for my time to end…I would get to see EVERYONE I had ever loved, and everyone I had forgotten, including those from my old world. But considering that I was now in a completely different world from my original one, that might not be possible. Different afterlives for different realities, I assumed. There’s also the chance there isn’t such a thing in ANY reality, and that once you died…that was it. But, I tried not to think about that possibility. Nearly a thousand years had gone by since Luna’s banishment. The clock was now ticking down onto her return. I had kept track of the time, though it wasn’t always easy, considering different cultures had different starting points with their years. But I was able to do it. A few years before Luna was said to return, I made my journey back to Equestria. I returned to the Everfree forest, and settled into the Castle of the Two Sisters. It was abandoned now, crumbled to dust and decay. All the life that this place had once housed was gone. Hundreds of souls, citizens who I lived alongside of were now long dead. I wondered if there were any ghosts wandering the castle’s halls. If there were, would they remember me? I settled into my old room. Walking into that room hit me hard, causing tears to come running. It was practically ancient. It WAS ancient. So was I. Had I not been immortal, my body would be long buried, my flesh all but rotted away, leaving old, dry bones, and a tattered coat. It sent chills up my spine. How I wish things had gone differently. I wished that Nightmare Moon never happened, and that we could have all lived together over the years. Now the castle, and my memories had crumbled and decayed. It was a feeling I can’t really put into words, and you probably couldn’t understand the feeling, unless you yourself were in the last throes of life. My room was nearly empty. Many of my things were gone. The painting of me and the sisters that I kept above my bed was gone. I hope Celestia took it somewhere safe. The mirror I kept mounted on my wall was cracked and dirty, but it still reflected my image back at me. Not a day of age had touched me. No stubble or facial hair, my head hair didn’t even grow. I was permanently stuck in a state of boyhood. My room was dusty, and full of cobwebs, but I made do with it. It wouldn’t be long before Nightmare Moon would return, and she would be turned back into Luna. Celestia would have her sister back, and everyone would have their happy ending. As for me…I didn’t know. The only future I was uncertain about was my own. But no matter what, I wouldn’t let things turn out bad for any of my friends! I would make sure things were set right. And so, the day before the Summer Sun Celebration, I laid myself down on my bed, and for the first time in a thousand years, I let myself fall asleep in my own room. A room with memories, a room that truly was MINE. I drifted off to sleep, setting a magic alarm to wake me in time to make sure that things went according to plan. I had ventured to the end of the forest earlier, and saw the ponies of Ponyville setting up for the festivities. I knew things were set in motion. I closed my eyes, and lost consciousness, and had the best sleep in centuries. Because I knew that tomorrow…Luna would be coming home.