“The Nightmare Within”
By Scyphi
“It is time milady.”
Luna turned her head to glance solemnly in the direction of the servant. The pony’s name eluded her at the moment. It bugged Luna that she still hadn’t gotten it down, but she didn’t say anything about it. At any rate, she appreciated what the servant calmly did every day at this hour since her return to Equestria, to come in and wake her for the daily task that now lay before her.
Even though Luna was already awake on this occasion, and had been for about an hour now. A fact that did not surprise her as it had not been the first time it had happened. She did not always sleep well during the night these days.
But it was still appreciated.
“Thank you, thou art excused,” she told the pony calmly.
The pony nodded, and exited the room, closing the door behind her, even though Luna was likely to leave her chambers here soon herself. Luna sighed, and gazed back out the window she had been staring out before the servant arrived. Outside the window was the night sky with the moon hanging low in the horizon. The sight of it sent a chill of mixed feelings down Luna’s spine, feelings that she wasn’t sure she should enjoy or be apprehensive of. Averting her gaze, she closed her eyes and shook her head to clear these thoughts. Taking in a deep breath, she stood, and slowly trotted out of the room and into the corridor outside.
It was still fairly quiet within the castle still, with most of the usual activities of the day yet to begin. Luna did not mind this, as it meant she wasn’t likely to cross paths with anyone she did not want to. Therefore, she traveled through the castle’s many winding corridors alone, until she arrived at a small balcony that hung from one the castle’s towers.
Standing there, waiting for her, was Celestia.
“Good morning,” her elder sister greeted with a polite nod of her head.
Luna routinely returned the nod. “Good morning.”
The usual morning pleasantries accomplished, they both then turned to the task at hand, looking out at the vast horizon before them. Luna acted first, her dark blue unicorn horn glowing alight with swirling blue magic, closing her eyes as she worked to concentrate. At first, no noticeable changes took place. But then, slowly, hovering over the horizon, the moon began to dip lower, vanishing behind the skyline at Luna’s very beckon and call. It continued until the moon was completely hidden from sight.
Letting out her breath with a faint whoosh at the exertion, Luna released the spell, and then took a step back for her sister to take over. Celestia did, her own horn glowing with magic as Luna’s had, colored golden. Slowly, to take the place of the moon in the sky, the sun gradually rose up from hiding behind the same horizon and into the sky, lighting up the land more and more as it rose. It continued under Celestia’s magical direction until the sun had cleared the horizon, at which point Celestia released it, having pushed the sun’s movement far enough that its continued motion throughout the following day would proceed on its own for the time being. Both alicorns basked the growing sunlight that was cast upon them for a few moments.
“It’s going to be a beautiful day,” Celestia remarked suddenly.
Luna sighed, and nodded slowly. “I am sure it will be, sister,” she replied calmly, before turning and exiting the balcony again, her elder sister staring after her forlornly.
Thus continued what had become the usual daily routine. Both would arise to officially start the day by lowering the moon and raising the sun without much conversation, then both go their separate ways. Celestia would naturally go and take care of her usual responsibilities that arose with the start of the day, but Luna always returned to her bedchambers and wait for breakfast. In fact, save for mealtimes and other emergencies, staying in her bedchambers at all times was preferred. Part of her never really wanted to, knowing there was more she could do outside her bedchambers. But the greater part was hesitant. Doubting. Unsure. She didn’t know what to expect, even after all this time.
Equestria wasn’t the same place she once knew.
And that was only the start of her troubles.
Eventually the servant returned. “Breakfast has been served, milady,” she reported officially. “Princess Celestia is expecting your presence.”
Luna nodded, not surprised. Celestia refused, albeit politely, to eat without her younger sister now that she had returned. Luna did not blame her for that. Were the situations switched, she would probably do exactly the same thing. Furthermore, this was one matter where she was more than willing to humor Celestia. Dismissing the servant like she had before the rising of the sun, Luna promptly exited her bedchambers yet again, and wandered down to the private dining room, where breakfast was always served.
When she entered, Luna had been expecting the usual sort of meal the royal chefs had usually gone to great lengths to prepare. If she recalled correctly, it had been planned to serve eggs with a light summer salad on the side this morning. Luna was planning to eat it daintily but quickly, while she and Celestia conversed over the usual, or in other words, not really conversing with each other at all.
But instead, the usual fancy dishes of food were replaced with a single, remarkably plain box, which had been slightly crumpled on one corner, but not seriously, as if somepony had proceeded to sit upon it but caught themselves at the last moment. The sight of the box caught Luna entirely by surprise, and brought her to a halt before arriving at the cushion that was to serve as her seat.
Her eyes met with Celestia’s warm and amused gaze, puzzled. “What is this?” she asked seriously.
“Breakfast, of course,” Celestia replied. When Luna made no immediate move to sit down, she pointed at the seat with one hoof. “Care to join me?”
Luna slowly sat in the seat. “So we are having a box for breakfast?” she asked sarcastically.
“No, silly,” Celestia said with a chuckle, and using her magic, opened the box to reveal what was inside.
Its contents only surprised Luna more, though. “Doughnuts?” she inquired, confused. Never could she recall having doughnuts for breakfast before.
Celestia shrugged. “I was in the mood for something different from the usual fanfare,” she explained simply. “Besides, they were leftover from last night.”
“Last night,” Luna repeated with a heavy sigh, and avoided Celestia’s gaze. She knew this subject was going to come up sooner or later today. “Of course.”
There was a pause. Neither princess moved or spoke. Both were waiting for the other to say something more.
Finally, Luna felt compelled to say something. “I was…not aware doughnuts were served at the Grand Galloping Gala.”
Celestia grinned slightly. “They aren’t,” she confirmed. “They are from a small shop called Pony Joe’s.”
“Ah.”
Despite still not understanding, Luna decided to not press the matter further, and instead watched as Celestia again used her magic to lift a doughnut from the box. Luna had presumed she was taking it for herself, but Celestia instead brought it to her sister and placed it neatly on her plate. Luna looked at the doughnut forlornly.
“We missed you last night, by the way,” Celestia added, entering the subject Luna was hoping to avoid, serving herself now.
“I had assumed as such,” Luna stated softly, still guiltily avoiding her sister’s gaze.
“It was not your usual Grand Galloping Gala, either.”
“It wasn’t?”
“No. That is partly why I ended up with a box of doughnuts from Pony Joe’s in my possession at the end of the evening.”
Another moment of silence fell at this. The only one who ate anything during this space of time was Celestia. Luna was looking intently at her meal, but was not eating anything.
“There were ponies asking for you last night.”
Luna glanced upward ever so slightly at Celestia. “There are always ponies asking for me,” she pointed out dismissively.
“That’s because they never see you.”
“…I know.”
Yet another pause.
“Twilight and her friends were there.”
Luna felt a chill run down her spine. She finally made eye contact again with Celestia, but otherwise did not speak.
“Twilight especially was wondering if you were going to appear at the gala last night,” Celestia added.
“And? What did you tell her?”
“I told her I had hoped you would appear, but clearly that never happened.”
Luna tried to hide her discomfort at this, but still ended up shifting guiltily in her seat, well aware of the fact that Celestia had been expecting her to attend the gala. And Luna had considered it greatly. In fact, even now that it was too late to change her choice, she was torn over the fact that she had ultimately chosen to not attend.
But she and Celestia both knew why she hadn’t.
Luna swallowed uncomfortably. “Did…Twilight…enjoy herself at the gala?”
“Yes, I believe she did, and so did her friends, although I don’t think it went as they had…expected.” A pause. “You would have enjoyed it too, Luna. I wish you had been there.”
Luna couldn’t find the strength to reply. Celestia sighed, and fell silent for a few moments. She had stopped eating.
“Nopony has seen much of anything of you since you returned, Luna,” she pointed out calmly. “Ponies are starting to wonder about you. They know you’re here. You can’t hide from them forever.”
“I know.”
“I believe Twilight is starting to get worried about you, for that matter. I think she, like many others, did not expect you to remain hidden away for so long.”
Luna hid a wince at this. “Twilight need not worry about my affairs. I am sure she has plenty of other matters she needs to concern herself over, matters more important than I.”
“Matters more important than concern for her princess?”
Luna winced again, and found herself unable to argue that point. So instead she avoided it. “Can we please not talk about this right now?” she asked, hating the sound of her voice as she said it.
Celestia sighed, and nodded, reluctantly not pressing the subject further. She never seemed to press any subject with Luna any more than Luna was willing to tolerate these days. Luna almost wished she would. It was probably Celestia’s constant attempts to avoid a conflict and just giving in that had allowed this very matter go unresolved for so long. A matter they both should know that ignoring and pandering would never solve. But Luna knew why she was doing it. She didn’t want to force anything upon Luna that Luna did not want.
Done out of fear that history could repeat itself if she did.
One could say the fear was unjustified. If it wasn’t for the fact that Luna feared the very same thing herself.
“Are you going to eat your breakfast?” Celestia finally asked after a few moments, motioning at the doughnut on Luna’s plate with her hoof.
Luna prodded at it with her own hoof. She didn’t feel particularly hungry, actually, but she knew she needed to eat nonetheless, so she forced herself to use her magic to lift the doughnut up to her mouth and take a bite of the sweet pastry. Celestia watched her eat for a few moments, before resuming eating herself.
“So…” Celestia began, changing the subject, “what do you have planned for today?”
Luna didn’t reply right away, chewing thoughtfully on her doughnut. “I have been reviewing the schedule lately, making plans,” she explained slowly. “I have been…toying…with the idea of…leaving the castle sometime in the near future.”
“Good,” Celestia said, of course pleased with that idea. “What will you do when you do?”
“I…do not know yet,” Luna replied. She hesitated a moment. “On a related subject, I have noticed that there are several new holidays Equestria now celebrates since I…left.”
Celestia nodded. “Indeed there are. Is there one that interests you that is coming up?”
“There is one that I care to know more about, at least. It is called Nightmare Night.”
Celestia did not verbally respond to this, but the way she looked up at Luna suddenly was more than enough to tell Luna that it was exactly what she thought it was.
“I also noticed it happens to take place on the same day I was banished,” Luna added, a little darkly.
Celestia was quiet for a long moment. A very long moment. She was clearly unprepared to explain this, something that was very unusual for Celestia. She was also the one that was avoiding eye contact now.
Finally, the regal white pony turned to face the doors to the kitchens. “Could I perhaps have a glass of milk, please?” she called politely for the servants stationed there.
Knowing that Celestia was shirking the subject now, Luna locked on her sister with narrowed eyes. Celestia, however, continued to watch the double doors for the servants coming with the requested milk. They were quick to bring it, neatly placing it before their princess respectfully.
Celestia looked at it, and nodded. “Thank you,” she said.
The two servants bowed. “Would your majesty require anything else?” one servant asked with a notable accent.
Celestia shook her head. “No, thank you.”
They then turned to Luna. “Would Princess Luna like something then?” the same servant asked.
“No, we are pleased enough with what we have, thou art excused,” Luna replied promptly, officially, and boldly.
The two servants departed. Celestia watched them go then turned back to Luna. “I have told you before that the royal Canterlot voice is no longer required here,” she stated.
“Do not go changing the subject, Celestia.”
Celestia looked at her for a moment then nodded, sighing. “I was going to tell you,” she explained.
“But you clearly have not gotten around to it before now.”
“It’s not what you think. Nightmare Night wasn’t supposed to be…originally it was…I had intended…” Celestia shook her head. “I had started it shortly after I was forced to banish you. As a kind of a day of remembrance for…for better times, before what happened…happened. But…a thousand years is a long time, Luna. Things change. Ponies…lost sight of what I had originally intended for the holiday to be, and it gradually became something else entirely.”
Luna hung her head, and did not comment.
“I think you would still enjoy the holiday, though. Despite everything else, it is very night-oriented. It revolves around it, in fact. It is in many ways very respectful of it. That was what you wanted, wasn’t it?”
“That was before what happened…had happened, sister.” Luna felt her stomach twist with mixed feelings, knowing the conversation was nearing a subject she didn’t want to address.
“You have my permission to change whatever you want with it, then. Make it what you want it to be. Maybe then everypony can be happy with it.”
“That is not what I am concerned with,” Luna pointed out flatly, then on a slightly more caring tone, added, “Nor do I blame you for anything. It is not your fault. It is not anypony’s fault.”
Save her own. But she knew better than to say that to Celestia.
She didn’t have to though. “You still fear what they think of you, don’t you?” Celestia asked calmly.
Luna was starting to feel very uncomfortable now. “I am no longer hungry,” she announced suddenly, and got up, turning to leave.
Celestia hesitated to respond at first, again not wanting to cause a conflict. She nearly let Luna exit the room before she finally set aside her hesitations and decided to finally to succumb to her nagging conscious and press the matter. “Luna, please stay.” After a moment, she added as a way to make a point. “You haven’t finished your breakfast.”
Luna stopped in the door. She didn’t continue onward, but she didn’t turn back either. She really didn’t want to have this conversation.
“Please Luna?” Celestia repeated anyway, probably knowing this. “I want you to stay so we can talk. We haven’t truly talked in a very long time.”
Luna sighed, and marched back into the dining room hotly, but refused to take her seat at the table, and instead stopped to stand some feet from it to make her stand, her way of showing she was against this. “And if I say no, Celestia?” she asked darkly. “Will you order me to stay?”
“Don’t be like that, Luna,” Celestia replied. “I just…want to talk to you. You’ve been back for nearly a year now, yet we never really talk, like the sisters we are, anymore. And I sense you’ve been deliberating trying to avoid it. And I want to at the very least understand why. So…if I must…I will be…firmer…than I have been until now.”
Luna thought bitterly to herself how it was about time Celestia proved she could do it, but the dark thought startled her suddenly, and she quickly pushed it away, fearing where it might take her if she dwelled upon it too long. This, combined with the long and warm stare Celestia gave her in the moments of silence that followed eventually broke Luna’s will. With reluctance, she sat back down at the table.
Neither of them ate. They just looked at each other, both wondering what the other was thinking, and where to begin.
Finally Celestia broke the silence by sighing heavily. “First, I wish to apologize,” she began. “Clearly, I have upset you, and I didn’t want that.”
Luna gave no reply, but she lowered her head, starting to feel ashamed now.
“I just wish to point out that I don’t think this tactic of hiding yourself away like this is helping you any, and…”
Celestia trailed off, not knowing what to say next. She kept looking at her sister hopefully, longing for some kind of response. But Luna continued to remain silent.
“Luna, please talk to me,” her elder sister pleaded.
“I do not know what to say,” Luna mumbled.
And she didn’t. A great number of things were constantly springing to her mind, only to be quickly replaced by something different mere seconds later, and yet it all seemed to be the wrong thing to say, and of no help to anypony. She simply didn’t know how to put it into words she could trust a pony to interpret correctly.
Another long silence fell in which the two sisters awkwardly and uncomfortably sat at the table, no longer eating any of the meal placed before them. Luna eyed her own plate of the food idly, thinking that somepony should probably eat the doughnuts, if only to see to it that they didn’t go to waste. But the very idea of eating churned Luna’s stomach. She was in no mood to eat anything now.
“I know the past few months have been very hard for you, Luna,” Celestia suddenly spoke, on the verge of delving into the taboo subject they had both been avoiding for so long now.
“Your breakfast is getting cold,” Luna quickly and defensively stated, changing the subject, even though the doughnuts were already cold from the moment she first entered the room. But she feared that the time had come where that excuses was no longer going to be enough to avoid this subject, so she sought other ways to escape the unwanted conversation they were on the verge of entering.
Celestia glanced briefly down at her plate, then up at Luna again. “I’ll eat later,” she stated.
“Then so will I,” Luna replied, and used it as an excuse to leave the table again, quickly rising and turning to leave.
“Luna.”
Luna froze immediately when she heard her sister speak in that warning tone. Her heart racing and feeling cornered, Luna glanced back at Celestia, who had risen to her hooves as well.
Celestia looked firmly at her younger sibling, knowing what she was thinking. “Don’t make me force you to cooperate,” she said, pleadingly again. “Enough harm has come from this already.”
Luna lowered her head, taking deep breaths to try and calm the surge of emotions that was threatening to spew forth, unbidden. “Enough harm?” she repeated coldly.
“This is tearing you apart, Luna, can’t you see that?”
Luna hesitated. “I do not want to talk about it,” she murmured.
“So do you expect me to just stand by and watch as this destroys you?” Celestia asked, looking saddened. “I nearly lost you once, Luna, I don’t want to lose you again. You mean too much to me.”
Luna had a rather bitter response to that, but she didn’t dare give it, so she stayed silent.
It only seemed to frustrate Celestia, though for her credit, she tried her hardest to keep it concealed. “I don’t understand what you expect from any of this. You keep trying to hide from it, except even you must have realized by now that there is nowhere to hide.”
“I said I do not want to talk about it.” Luna repeated it using a warning tone of her own, a desperate attempt to keep Celestia from going too far with this.
Celestia barely acknowledged that she spoke. They were past the point of no return now. The subject had been brought up now, and her elder sister was determined to see it through now. “No, I…I can’t let this go unresolved anymore. I have been watching you ever since you came back, and with each passing day you only seem to grow more and more distant. I don’t want that, Luna. Surely you don’t either?”
Luna gave no response. To Celestia, it was all the response she needed.
“Luna, don’t let this continue,” she pleaded. Still getting no response, she added, “this…attitude of not caring you’ve adopted, Luna…Luna, it scares me.”
Luna’s eyes went wide, scarcely believing that her strong and valiant elder sister had just said the very thing she had been convinced that she would never say. But she had. And the very fact that Celestia had done this scared her.
“I do not want to talk about this,” she repeated hurriedly, as a flood of emotions washed over her, more than she could deal with, more than she could bear.
“No, we need to talk about this Luna, and the longer we don’t—”
“I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!”
Luna shouted it at the top of her lungs as she angrily spun around to confront her sister. Celestia, entirely taken aback by the outburst, immediately fell silent, and stared at Luna both in shock and alarm. But Luna, so overwhelmed with her emotions that she hardly cared as she stared her elder down through eyes narrowed down to the size of slits, feeling a wave of anger and hatred wash over her from tail to snout. She let it come, letting herself be swept away in the emotional flash flood.
Until she realized just how eerily familiar it all felt.
Suddenly that anger was replaced with complete horror as her greatest fears gripped her heart, realizing just what demons within her she had just nearly allowed to resurface. Panicking, Luna stared at Celestia, and seeing her stunned expression only worsened her fears. She took a few hesitant steps back, shaking her head slowly as she struggled to just barely keep her emotions in check, before turning tail and galloping out of the room.
Celestia was again left alone in the room, but this time was too stunned to move for several moments, before she finally sat down in her seat again and stared vacantly at the spot her sister had been standing at, trying decide what to do now. There was nothing more Celestia wanted to do but to press the subject even more now, and not let it drop so easily yet again.
But like everything else since Luna had returned from the moon, Celestia didn’t press the matter, and did nothing to stop her younger sister from leaving and ducking away from the matter as she was.
Luna raced back to her bedchambers and buried herself under the covers of her bed, partly in shame, partly in fear, and partly because it was the first thing that came to mind that could give her comfort. Part of her was undignified at her actions. She was trembling like a little frightened filly. She was better than that. But Luna ignored that part of her with all her might. She wanted absolutely nothing to do with that part of her. Yet it would not, could not go away. Instead, it constantly stayed there and reminded her that it was still there.
And with that thought, her frustrations having reached their breaking point, a wave of utter despair crashed down upon Luna, and she found herself weeping on top of everything else as she trembled under the covers of her bed.
The hours passed. Now that she was back in her bedchambers where she felt at least partly safe, Luna sought something to distract her, to keep her mind off her woes, but she wasn’t sure what to do. There was, after all, only so much she could do in her bedchambers, and after spending so many days hiding reclusively in these very chambers, it felt like she had done it all. So she did nothing, and just stayed in her bed, sulking.
With Luna’s mind weighed down as it particularly was on this occasion, she especially did not want to interact with the world if she could help it. So for the first time since she had returned, she broke the routine of the day, and instead of joining her elder sister for lunch, instead requested it be brought to her bedchambers so she could eat alone and in private. Part of her wondered if Celestia would let her get away with it, but apparently so, because she heard no complaint from her during the entire time she was eating her lunch.
Later, as the sun started to move into position to set and evening began, dinner was prepared. Luna, still not in a mood to leave her bedchambers, requested that her dinner be brought to her like her lunch was, and again it was, with still no complaint from Celestia. No nothing, in fact. Celestia had apparently decided to leave her be for the time being. Perhaps she saw that Luna needed time to herself. Or, more likely, the fallout of their failed conversation that morning had shaken her too. Whatever the case, the younger royal pony was more than grateful for the reprieve, and enacted upon it.
She wondered what her elder sister was doing at the moment anyway. Probably engaged in the usual routine chores that came with being a princess, none of which was really that fascinating or entertaining. It was always the same sort of thing after all, and they had both been doing it for so long now. Meet with Chancellor So-And-So, sign a new pony act into law, make regal appearances and grace their subjects with their presence in meetings and celebrations and so forth. It had all gotten rather dull, actually. In some ways, Luna found it almost fitting with what she imagined would be Celestia’s current mood, her expression was flat and regal as she gracefully went about these tasks. Befitting of the ruler she was.
But not for the sister Luna knew her better as.
Despite herself and her stance on the matter before now, Luna longed for her sister’s presence. But otherwise she did nothing to enact upon it.
Things continued on without Luna. She stayed under the covers of her bed during all that time. If anypony had come along, she would have refused to leave, not wanting to leave what little shelter she seemed to, probably falsely, feel from the bedcovers she was hiding under. But unless they were specifically asked for her by Luna herself, nopony did come along, no servants, no guards, no Celestia. Luna continued to remain alone for now.
During this period of time the sun set and the moon rose again, but as Luna never left her bedchambers to participate in this task, she presumed Celestia went ahead and did both herself. The thought again crossed her mind that Celestia had seen that Luna needed some time alone and had respectfully relented. The thought cheered Luna somewhat, and she focused her mind on that thought and cherished it, knowing that this was how it should be between them.
But that persistent, unwanted, part of her resisted it, fought it, and tried to drive such cherishing away with thoughts of anger and dismay, seasoned with over-exaggerated reminders of Celestia’s faults and past mistakes, even if just small ones. It was its way of trying to break Luna’s will, to get her to give in, and it was more effective than it might sound to an outsider, especially with Luna already in the emotionally unstable state she was. Hence why Luna worked to focus so much of her attention on the things she knew to be true, remember them, and cherish better times. It helped to, at the very least, crowd out the half-truths, greed, and blind hatred plaguing her.
Beyond that it seemed the two warring sides of Luna’s mind had reached a lull spot in the battle for the moment, both caught somewhere in the middle, neither gaining nor losing ground. So, still feeling terrible but nonetheless feeling calmed enough to relax a little, Luna nosed her snout out from under her bedcovers, and peeked out into her room. Night had fallen, and it was dark outside, but it was still early enough in the evening that to be still awake wasn’t unreasonable.
Especially her, the pony of the night, so to speak, not that she was proud of that at the moment.
Still, activity in the castle seemed to have stopped for the night, and a still silence gripped the building. Luna felt the loneness of the hour sink in, so she went ahead and wiggled the rest of her head out from under the covers and into the open. She peered around the room, but it only struck her how empty it felt at the moment, and again, she found herself longing for Celestia’s presence. But whether it was out of fear or pride, Luna shunned the idea, and scanned the room for something she could focus her attention on, to distract her from her issues.
Her gaze eventually fell on the vanity mirror placed over a small chest of drawers that sat beside the window, spying her reflection staring back at her. Noting her sparkling blue mane had been mussed up somewhat during her time hiding under the covers, she at first grinned at the reflection, cheered a little by the droll of her appearance, until she started to look deeper at the reflection. Despite that reflection never changing, Luna suddenly no longer saw herself in that mirror, but rather, the very mare she wanted gone from her life, and had come to hate.
Luna moaned, and lowered her head in dismay. “Go away,” she pleaded aloud.
But of course, the unwanted reflection went nowhere. It couldn’t. It was only her reflection after all. It wasn’t sentient; it couldn’t act or behave on its own accord. It would only do what Luna did.
That was exactly the problem she had with it at the moment.
“I said go away,” she murmured, now turning to glare at the reflection. “I do not want you here, interfering with my life, ruining it, anymore. Why can you not accept defeat and simply leave?”
But Luna knew the answer already. That hated mare had drilled it into her mind repeatedly. There were things she wanted, and Luna had been the means to give them to her. To say nothing of the fact that power was hard to let go of. Especially for a pony as arrogant and blind as this one.
But Luna had a retort ready. “It is not my fault you cannot let go and move on,” she pointed out as she continued the one-sided argument. “Surely you can see you are not welcome either way. There would always be somepony who would stand in your way.”
But this dastardly mare had thought it through already, and had a retort ready for that too by pointing out that no pony could stand in one’s way if there weren’t any ponies around to do it.
The very thought of the idea sent a chill down Luna’s spine, yet at the same time felt her gut wrench at the fact she had to stop and consider the idea despite it all. “You really would swoop down to any level to have your way, would you not?” she deduced frightfully, pushing away her own thoughts about the suggestion.
Wouldn’t you?
Luna blinked at the unbidden thought, and stared in fear at her reflection in the mirror. “I am nothing like you.”
Are you sure? Because I do not believe that I am the blind one.
“I do not know what you are talking about.”
Yes you do, you silly pony. At any rate, the Equestria you knew is already long gone, yet you keep grasping for what is lost. Something you can never recover ever again.
“No.”
Equestria is no longer home, and it never will be again. You will never fit in here again. So why even try? Why must you stand in my way? Together, you and I can tear down this foreign realm build it up again as we see fit, not as they see fit, as she sees fit.
“No.”
The night will last forever!
“NO!”
The blast of magic fired from Luna’s horn without thinking, and struck the vanity mirror with enough force that the mirror exploded with a bang, spraying the room in a sparkling shower of reflective shards, the impact hard enough that it even damaged the wall behind it. As the echo of the bang still reverberated through the room, Luna stared, panting, at the frame of the mirror and the shards littering the floor, the reality of what she had done starting to sink in. Feeling her heart quicken, she glanced away from the broken mirror and out the window at the starry sky beyond, hoping to find reassurance in the familiar night sky.
But doing so only brought her attention to the fact that her reckless attack against her mirror had been strong enough that it had damaged the window as well, sending a crack right through the intricate designs painted on the panes of glass. Soon Luna’s eyes focused on one design in particular. Almost symbolically, the crack had slashed through the center of a depiction of the sun, Celestia’s royal symbol. The eerie symbolism it implied disgusted Luna, but cheered that mare she wanted out of her life. Lowering her head, Luna could see that reflection staring back at her from the splinters of mirror carpeting the floor, disjointed now, but still persistently there.
It only served to remind her that nothing she did would make that mare go away, to make that monster flee.
But then again, as she was now more than aware, it was very hard to flee from yourself.
The door to her bedchambers burst open suddenly at that moment as two royal guards rushed into the room, no doubt drawn by the noise of the shattering mirror. Their trained eyes were quickly scanning the situation, searching for any potential threats to their princess, ready to act as necessary.
“Your highness,” one of them began to explain urgently, “we heard a loud noise and came to…”
But Luna didn’t want to deal with them, and rounded on them. “Thou were not requested to enter our bedchambers!” she exclaimed in a loud royal Canterlot voice. “Leave us!”
“But…your majesty…” the other guard began to object.
“NOW!” Luna pressed, interrupting.
Bowing in submission, both guards backed out of the bedchambers.
Only to be replaced by a pony Luna immediately knew wouldn’t leave so easily.
Dressed as if about to go to bed and surveying the situation quickly, Celestia’s gaze locked on with Luna’s. “What is going on here?” she asked calmly after a moment.
It was perhaps one of the most innocent sentences she could have spoken, and there wasn’t really anything about it that should have impacted Luna so, but it did anyway, and Luna suddenly felt her composure collapse completely. Tearing up, she sank to the floor and started to weep. Celestia watched her for a long moment, before turning to look at the open door, where the two guards, now being joined by servants coming to investigate themselves, still stood, all starting to realize just what it was they were witnessing. Giving Celestia all the more cause to say what she did next.
“Leave us,” she ordered calmly, motioning for the onlookers to leave with one hoof.
Bowing respectfully, they departed one by one. Once they had gone, Celestia used her magic to quietly close the door before stepping over to stand before Luna. Luna, meanwhile, was trying to retrieve her composure, feeling completely ashamed to be crying like this in front of her elder sister. But she just couldn’t stop herself now that she had started. Guiltily, she squeezed her eyes shut and kept them pointed at the floor, unable to even look at Celestia now. A long moment passed, during which Luna wondered what Celestia was going to do. Make her explain? Reprimand her? For a moment there, it didn’t seem like Celestia was going to do anything but watch her weep. It made Luna morbidly feel like she was some zoo creature to goggle at.
But then, Luna suddenly felt a comforting wing drape itself over her. Startled somewhat, Luna looked teary-eyed at Celestia, now lying on the floor beside her, giving her a look of heartfelt compassion.
It made Luna feel even guiltier, so she worked harder to try and get her weeping under control again. “I’m sorry,” she sniffled as she struggled. “I-I am trying to stop crying. I-I am older than this, and-and princesses should not cry like this…”
“No, let it out Luna, let it all out,” Celestia urged softly. “Even the eldest, most prestigious of ponies need to weep sometimes. And you and I are most certainly no exception.”
And so, reassured by these words, Luna stopped trying to curtail her crying and let herself weep freely, while Celestia lay beside her and silently comforted her. The minutes dragged on as Luna did this, during which neither of them spoke anymore. Eventually Luna started to calm back down, her crying diminishing into a light whimpering and sniffling, before all but fading out altogether. But even then they said nothing, and were content to just lay there and listen to the silence in the room, both lost in their own personal thoughts.
“I am sorry, Celestia,” Luna remarked suddenly, sadly.
“For what, Luna?” Celestia asked innocently.
“Take your pick,” Luna replied. “There seems to be a whole list of things I have done wrong.”
“Luna,” Celestia began, pulling her sister closer, “you should not blame yourself for what happened at breakfast. I was pushing you too hard, and…”
“You do not understand, it is not that I am referring to,” Luna corrected angrily, before finally sighing, and confessed all. “She is not gone, you know.”
Celestia was quiet for a moment, gazing sullenly but thoughtfully across the room. “I know,” she announced suddenly.
Luna blinked in surprise, unaware her elder sister knew anything of the such. “You do?”
“I strongly suspected, at least. It is not something one can just be done with and be so quick to forget.”
Now Luna was staring at her, finding the idea of her sister understanding so quickly hard to grasp. “I…I am not sure you understand what it is I am talking about,” she said, trying to reason to herself that it couldn’t be that simple. “I do not think you and I are thinking of the same thing.”
“I am not thinking of Nightmare Moon, if that is what you are trying to imply, Luna,” Celestia stated calmly. “I know what this is about. How could I not know?”
Luna simply stared at her in stunned silence.
“But you can’t just push her away, Luna,” Celestia continued. “And you know it, I know you do.”
“But I want to!” Luna confessed urgently, her voice cracking under her sad frustration at the problem. “I want to just shove her away, put it behind me, and move on. But she won’t let me!” Luna’s voice turned into an angry growl as she waved a hoof at the broken mirror. “She fights my every move, resists my every attempt to restrain her, to keep her from resurfacing! She’s continues to exist in my mind, like a plague that refuses to die!” Luna narrowed her eyes darkly as she stared at her hooves. “She is a nightmare I cannot escape. And she has the gall to constantly rub my face in that fact!”
Celestia nodded slowly. “I know.”
“Do you?” Luna snapped suddenly, still having her doubts that Celestia really understood.
Celestia looked back at her with a firm glance. “I do.”
“Then do not just shrug off the matter like it is of no importance, Celestia, because it is! If I cannot restrain her…if I cannot stop her…if…if…” Suddenly Luna was in tears again. “Oh, I can’t bear to even think of what might happen if I cannot stop her!” she wailed. “What would happen to Equestria? To you?”
“Is this why you have been hiding yourself away for all this time?” Celestia asked, making the connection suddenly. “Out of fear?”
“What did you expect me to do, Celestia?” Luna demanded, tears streaming from her eyes. “For all I know, she could just be licking her wounds, just waiting for the chance to arise again, and then what will happen? I-I thought that if I kept myself hidden away from everypony, where I could not create any harm…”
“But you are creating harm, Luna,” Celestia interrupted firmly. “To yourself. This is destroying you! You can’t want that any more than I do!”
“I don’t!” Luna insisted. “Heavens above, I don’t! I don’t want any of it! I just want it to end, Celestia, to get that…that…mare out of my soul forever! I do not even want to think about that atrocity ever again, but I can’t, Celestia, I can’t! She won’t let me! She keeps fighting, and will not let herself be buried away and forgotten, and…and…”
“You keep acting like she is separate from you,” Celestia observed. “Like you think some outside force can take her away for you.”
Luna’s only response was to squeeze her eyes shut angrily, trying to hold back a new onslaught of tears.
“Luna,” her elder sister continued, “only you can stop her.”
“I could not stop her before, Celestia!” Luna snapped. “How can I possibly stop her now?”
“Because you ARE her, Luna,” Celestia stated. “This isn’t about Nightmare Moon, Equestria, our subjects, or even me. This is all about you, Luna…”
“You don’t understand,” Luna bemoaned, frustrated.
“That’s because you aren’t listening to me, Luna…”
“No, YOU are not listening to me, Celestia!” Luna snapped. “You do not know what this is LIKE! You can’t know! I was her! I know her! I AM HER!”
“Then you know that she feeds off this hatred you are generating, Luna!” Celestia persisted.
“Hatred?” Luna repeated, doubting. But upon seeing Celestia determinedly stare her down, disagreeing, she finally asked the question. “Hatred for what, exactly, then?”
Celestia was viciously blunt with her response. “Hatred for yourself, Luna.”
Luna’s eyes went wide with shock at the accusation and was suddenly on her hooves, slapping away Celestia’s sheltering wing as she backed away from her sister in annoyed alarm.
“For myself?” she repeated weakly, starting to try to deny it, weakly, pathetically really, but she was not prepared to face this one stark naked fact. “I-I don’t hate myself, I…I don’t…I…”
But Celestia merely stared at her, knowing better than to believe that.
“How…how can I hate myself, sister?” Luna asked hesitantly, trying to find something, anything, she could use to disprove Celestia’s claim, despite knowing nothing could deny a truth as sound as this one. “It…it just cannot be. How can I hate myself?”
Despite herself, Celestia let out a light snort at that comment. “Then it is you who hasn’t been listening, Luna,” she pointed out boldly. “Could you not hear yourself as you ranted on about how much to want to get rid of yourself?”
Luna just proceeded to shake her head in denial, not wanting to go there, where even she was realizing was the very heart of the matter.
Her sister would not back down, however. “Don’t deny it, Luna,” she pressed gently. “It is exactly that practice that has brought this situation to where it is now, and I think you know it more than you’re willing to admit.”
Luna’s rump bumped into the side of her bed suddenly and found she couldn’t back up any further. Feeling trapped suddenly, Luna’s nerve began to fail her again. “No,” she whispered aloud, her brow beginning to furrow in saddened anxiety. “Why Celestia? Why? I do I have such hatred for…for…” she trailed off, unable to bring herself to say it. It hurt too much.
“You have to ask?” Celestia remarked, looking genuinely surprised. Her expression then softened, but she hesitated to say more, as if waiting to see how Luna would respond next.
But Luna gave no response, sitting down on the floor with a heavy thump, stunned eyes glazed over as her mind hurriedly attempted to process this revelation she had been denying to herself, almost heartbreakingly hanging her head in dismay.
“Luna, you haven’t been hiding yourself away in a vain attempt to protect others,” Celestia explained to her. “I think you’ve been hiding yourself away in some kind of attempt to punish yourself for allowing what had happened with Nightmare Moon.”
Luna slowly continued to shake her head, still in denial. “No,” she persisted, “no, that cannot be what’s keeping her here. She’s still here because she wants to be here!”
“She’ll stay here only if you let her, Luna. Because she is you.”
“She is NOTHING like me!”
“Then why is it such a problem for you to stop her?”
This brought Luna up short, and despite trying, she couldn’t come up with an answer.
Celestia looked at her and sighed sympathetically. “Luna, you’re seeing this issue as if you are two separate ponies, but you’re not. There is just one of you. Whatever grudge you have, it is with yourself and yourself only.”
Luna looked at her for a moment. “But that’s where the problem lies, Celestia,” she stated calmly. “How can I get rid of myself?”
“You don’t, Luna.”
Luna started to tear up again. “Then how can I beat this?”
Celestia hesitated to reply. Luna wailed on without her.
“You see? You cannot understand what this is like, Celestia!” she persisted. “To know how much I want to be rid of her, but just can’t!”
“Luna…” Celestia began softly, but her younger sibling ranted on without stopping to hear what she had to say.
“And it is just getting worse as time goes by! I am not confident I can hold her back for much longer! Slowly but surely, she has gradually become harder and harder to fight and resist, and…”
“Luna…”
“You were right before, Celestia, this cannot continue, because sooner or later we have to face the facts, that all of this can only mean one thing!” Luna looked at her sister right in the eye as she choked out what she said next. “She will forever be a part of me, and I cannot change that!”
“Now stop it, Luna!” Celestia proclaimed finally. “That is not true, and you know it! She has no power over anypony unless you give her that power! She can do nothing without you! You are the one who makes the choice whether or not you will do these things!”
“But you DON’T understand what this is LIKE!” Luna exclaimed again. “How CAN you? All you could do was to stand to one side and watch as I became a monster that you ultimately had to banish! AND FOR GOOD REASON! Nothing like that should be allowed to roam freely in Equestria!”
“But nothing else in the universe could have made it harder to do, Luna,” Celestia, rising suddenly and approaching her sister. Luna refused to make eye contact as she placed one hoof on her back. “Banishing you was the very last thing I wanted to do. If anything, I wanted to do something, anything, to fix it, to get you back, Luna. But…horseapples,” Luna looked at her in surprise at her language, “those cursed Elements of Harmony wouldn’t let me!”
A moment of silence fell, during which Luna slowly started to nod, understanding.
“Because you and I were the wielders at the time,” she reasoned. “And harmony does not stay harmonious when it must be used to fight against itself.”
Celestia nodded too. “So I see it,” she agreed. “The most I could do was banish you, but Luna…if there had been another way…”
“It does not change what happened,” Luna stated coldly. “And you would have never have been put into that situation if it had not been for me acting foolish!”
“Don’t blame this on yourself, Luna,” Celestia pleaded, running a hoof through her sister’s sparkling mane.
“Then who do I blame?” Luna asked. “Because someone or something caused it! It was no accident!”
“I don’t care! All I care about is that I have you back, Luna, safe and sound!” She looked pleadingly at her sister. “So please…don’t do this to yourself. You’ve been through enough pain and suffering already.”
“But that does not change the fact that I, and I alone am responsible for what happened!” Luna pointed out. She waved her hoof at the broken mirror again, the shards from it still scattered all over the floor. “Do you know what I see when I look at my reflection? Do you?”
She looked expectantly at Celestia, waiting for an answer. Celestia calmly looked back at her then glanced down at the shards, studying her own reflection.
Luna eventually grew impatient and answered for her. “A monster, Celestia!” she exclaimed. “I see a selfish, greedy…m-monster!”
Her voice faltered as she broke down into tears again, sinking to the floor once more. Celestia watched her for a moment then looked down at the shards again. Slowly, using her unicorn magic, she started to pick up the shards and rearrange them, until a large section lay before Luna. Luna glared defiantly at it, her reflection glaring back. Behind her reflection was Celestia, her eyes looking sad but heartfelt. Luna found her gaze shifting to look at her instead.
“Curious, then,” Celestia remarked calmly, as she dropped down onto the floor beside her sister, and looked into the reflective shards as well. “Because all I see is a very beautiful, but very troubled, little pony that I would like to help in any way I can.”
Luna stared at her reflection again, letting her anger dissolve into depressed sadness. “I wish it was that easy, Celestia,” she remarked. “But the part of me that made the mistakes leading to Nightmare Moon is there still, wanting a second chance to try it again. I’ve fought with her daily since I came back.”
“You’ve managed to keep her at bay this long,” Celestia pointed out.
“Barely,” Luna conceded. “But I don’t know how long I can keep it up. Every now and then that part of me slips out unbidden, beyond my control, and there’s little I can do to stop it. She nearly got free today, you know. At breakfast. When I shouted at you. I…I nearly let her get the better of me.”
“I understand,” Celestia stated. “That wasn’t you, the real you, speaking.”
“But never had I allowed a slip like that before now!” Luna stated. “It still hangs heavily over my head. As innocent and accurate as your words were, they burned to hear, because they were entirely true. I just did not want to hear them. So I let that part of me come out, to take charge. And afterwards it felt like all the barriers I had built to keep that part of me contained had shattered, and now had free reign of me. Thoughts I had been suppressing, memories I had been trying to forget, and emotions I had been trying to ignore flooded my veins, and…and…” she trailed off for a moment. “…the suddenly lapse in control scared me.”
She breathed a heavy sigh. “Of course I have been trying to fight it, but while I am not sure if I have lost the battle, I know I definitely have not won…and I fear there will be no victory for me in sight. Celestia, my greatest fear now is that somehow Nightmare Moon, or something like her, will eventually stand triumphant again.” She looked at her sister with tearstained eyes, fighting to keep from breaking down yet again. “And then where will we be?”
Celestia was quiet for a very long moment, gathering her thoughts. “Luna, as much as I want to, I cannot deny that there is truth to what you say,” she confessed finally. “The possibility exists. But I know you too, Luna. And I know that you are a better mare many times over than what you give yourself credit for.”
“It’s clearly still not good enough, though.”
“I don’t believe that. Not. For. One. Second. You can beat this Luna, and I have all the confidence in the world that you will beat this. But it won’t be done by hiding in your bedchambers and dwelling on nothing but on the false belief that you are a terrible mare. It’s time to move on.” Celestia motioned to the landscape out the window with a nod of her head. “You need to get out there, get back into the flow of life, and truly make the effort to change, more than just holding yourself at bay.”
Luna followed her elder’s sister gaze, realizing just how forbidding that suggestion seemed to her. “But what if I fail?” she asked. “Make a mistake and allow myself to have another outburst, to allow my feelings get the better of me?” An even scarier thought sprang to mind. “And in front of our subjects? In front of all of those many ponies who…” she trailed off.
Celestia nudged her comfortingly with her snout. “Nopony said it would be easy,” she acknowledged. “But Luna…you can’t hide from this. You’ve tried that already, and we can both see very well how that’s worked out. Ignoring it won’t make it go away. Confronting it is the only way to beat this, and to do that, you are going to have to face your fears and put yourself in the very situation you’re afraid of. And I wholly expect you to make mistakes, but you shouldn’t be afraid of them. That’s what life is about, Luna. Making mistakes, and then learning from them and improving yourself.”
Luna wasn’t convinced. “Can you not see the danger of what you are suggesting?” she inquired. “What if…what if I let her come back?”
Celestia put a comforting hoof over her. “You already made that mistake once,” she pointed out. “I highly doubt you’ll let yourself make it again.”
Luna was silent for a long moment, considering what Celestia was suggesting. For the first time that night, she was starting to calm down. “This is all easier said than done, you know,” she pointed out finally, her way of pointing out the reality of the challenge.
“No, it won’t be easy,” Celestia agreed, turning her attention to the broken mirror again, casting a spell that lifted up the many shards into the air. “But change can’t happen overnight. It only comes bit by bit. You have to work at putting them together, fitting them to form something bigger and better than you had before.” Using the magic of her unicorn’s horn, Celestia pieced the mirror back together in its frame, magically restoring the mirror back to the way it had been before Luna had so recklessly destroyed it. “You just have to make the effort to achieve it, to keep at it and keep moving onward to greater achievements.”
Luna rose and approached the mirror solemnly, staring at her reflection looking back at her. It was the same reflection as it always was, and nothing had changed that. In fact, there was nothing at all about it that was out of the ordinary. Nonetheless, Luna could still see past the obvious appearance of the reflection, and see the nightmare that still existed within, fighting to get out. But unlike before, Luna resolved to herself that the nightmare within would always stay within.
I am a better pony than this, she thought to herself.
She calmly placed one hoof on the mirror as Celestia came to stand behind her with all her usual wonder. Luna glanced at her sister’s reflection in the mirror, and decided then and there that was her goal. To be like her, her elder and better. To one day to be like Celestia, and one day rule with the same, grace, kindness, and wisdom she had long admired. She made this vow even while being fully aware of how steep a task it would be to undertake.
“This could get very rough, very fast,” she murmured aloud, more to herself than anypony.
Celestia had an answer ready anyway. “And I am more than willing to help you through this, Luna,” she said. When Luna glanced back at her, she continued, “I always was. You just have to let me.”
Luna looked at her sister for a moment, and eventually felt her heart melt with a near-childish glee that she hadn’t felt in a long time. Smiling broadly, she went to Celestia and embraced her in a hug, and hug Celestia readily and immediately returned.
“I’m sorry for putting you through this, sister,” Luna whispered sadly, but this time, it was a happy kind of sadness.
“I know, Luna,” Celestia assured her, feeling the same. “I know.”
They stayed like that for a long while before finally pulling apart, looking at each other, having finally run out of things to say, and looked at each other silently, wondering if it was really enough. Suddenly feeling exhausted, Luna made the first move, half-heartedly making a motion towards her bed. Her sister followed caringly, escorting her to the bed once it was clear that was where Luna was heading.
“Are you going to be all right for the rest of the night?” Celestia asked finally as she did this.
Luna nodded, clambering onto her bed. “I will,” she replied.
Celestia nodded in understanding, and started to turn to leave, magically opening the bedroom door again. Luna let her get as far as the door before she suddenly spoke up again.
“Celestia,” she began slowly, “Could you stay anyway?” A pause. “Please?”
Celestia glanced back at her younger sister, seeing a part of her sibling finally emerge that she hadn’t seen in so long. “Of course,” she replied, grinning.
She returned to Luna’s bedside, where, after a moment of hesitation, grabbed the hem of Luna’s blanket and pulling it over her sister’s blue form and lovingly tucked her in. Luna did not give any sign of protest, and, indeed, had none to give. Celestia then pulled out another blanket from a cupboard and draped it over herself as she laid herself down on the floor beside Luna’s bed. A moment of silence fell as both started to settle down to sleep.
“It is good to be back with you, sister,” Luna remarked suddenly, softly.
Celestia looked at her, feeling touched by the simple comment. “Likewise.”
The two were soon fast asleep after that, lulled there by the peace both now felt now that the burden of the greatest issue the two currently faced had been lifted some. And they stayed like that, remaining at each other’s side, for the rest of the night.
Luna slept in late the next morning. It was rather unusual for her to do so, but to be so sunk deep within the refreshing grip of a decent and deep sleep felt so good that she was reluctant to leave it again. When she did finally awake, though, it was very gradual, and for a while she simply lay there in bed and stared at the far wall, not really realizing that she was awake and that it was now morning. Eventually, though, it did, and she glanced at the window to see that the sun had already long risen, and was already high enough that it was nearly out of sight from the window. Since she knew she hadn’t done her part to lower the moon and make way for the day, Celestia must have done both herself again. Luna presumed this meant her sister was already up and about, out taking care of the day’s usual matters.
But, rolling over in her bed, she was surprised to see that while it was clear Celestia had indeed gotten up and left at one point at least while Luna slept, Celestia had returned to stay at her bedside, as she was doing now, sitting up and reading a book to pass the time.
She glanced in Luna’s way when her younger sister rolled over to look at her, and grinned. “Good morning,” she greeted.
Luna looked back at her, surprised, but in a good way. “Good morning,” she greeted back, then after a moment, continued on. “I…honestly thought you would have left to do other things by now.”
“I could’ve,” Celestia admitted, nodding to herself. “But you did ask me to stay, didn’t you?”
Luna felt a grin weasel its way onto her face. “I suppose I did.”
A long moment of silence fell afterwards. Celestia calmly returned to her book. Luna remained in bed, pondering. She quickly recognized that today was going to go very differently from days previous. She could sense it. But at the same time, it left her feeling a little lost, unsure where to go, or what to do, next.
“So…what do we do now?” she asked her sister finally.
Celestia looked at her again. “That is up to you, Luna,” she replied.
“But…what do I do?”
“Whatever you feel like doing, I would think.” Seeing Luna’s continued hesitation, though, Celestia relented. “I could give you suggestions if you’d like.”
“Like what?”
Celestia thought about it for a moment. “Perhaps we can arrange for you to have a day out in Canterlot,” she suggested.
Luna furrowed her brow at the suggestion. “It…might be wiser to start…small,” she said, voicing her opinion.
Celestia nodded in understanding. “In that case, maybe you could go out and tour the castle grounds,” she suggested instead. “I don’t think you have taken the time to do so since you’ve come back.”
Luna shrugged, undecided. “It is the castle grounds, Celestia,” she pointed out. “What is there to see that I have not already seen?”
“I’d think you’d be surprised. Things have changed over the years, you know.”
Luna frowned a little. “Unfortunately, it is those changes that I am…uncomfortable…with.”
“Understandable,” Celestia agreed. “But change doesn’t have to be a bad thing, you know.”
Luna fell silent as she considered this, seeing Celestia’s point, and deciding that was a view she needed to adopt herself. But before she could progress much further with that particular train of thought, an audible rumbling in her tummy distracted her to another matter.
“Oh, um…” Luna began, putting one hoof over her middle while blushing somewhat in embarrassment.
“Breakfast?” Celestia offered, catching on with a warm grin.
“Yes, please.”
“I have just the thing.”
Celestia turned and used her magic to pull said breakfast into Luna’s view. Recognizing it immediately, Luna laughed. At first the laugh felt foreign to her, as it had been so long since she had truly laughed like that. But at the same time, it felt good to have the ability to laugh like that again.
So without another word, the two sisters settled down and had breakfast, conversing with each other like the many years they had been apart had never happened while they dined over a slightly crumpled box of leftover donuts that came from a shop called Pony Joe’s.
A while later found Luna stepping outside the castle and out onto the castle grounds for the first time in months. At first no pony really took notice of her. This wasn’t surprising because the grounds were fairly vacant save a smattering of gardeners scattered about that were really more focused on their work than on who might be wandering about. Luna had no complaint for this, desiring to stay from being the center of attention for as long as she could manage.
But of course, it didn’t last. Eventually, one by one, these gardener ponies started to become aware that Luna had graced their presence in the castle grounds. They attempted to hide it, but it was quickly clear that they were shocked by her sudden and unexpected appearance; before now, Luna had avoided making contact with anyone other than Celestia, and most of the servants at the castle had hardly seen her at all, much less spoken to her. Some hadn’t even heard her speak at all since her return.
And yet whenever they greeted her (occasionally after the fact, as some were slow to overcome their initial surprise) as they were trained and practiced to do, Luna would greet them back, albeit while using the usual royal Canterlot voice she used when addressing subjects. But old habits die hard. Luna wasn’t very concerned about it at the moment anyway. She couldn’t help but wonder what these ponies were thinking of her. As elder sister had wisely observed the day previous, she was afraid of what they thought of her.
Celestia was so quick to promote the principle of forgiving and forgetting, but to Luna, it just couldn’t be that simple. If Luna feared what she, herself, might do wrong, then she couldn’t begin to imagine what the other ponies of Equestria thought of her, those who didn’t understand what she had been through, and probably never would. She had done some terrible things as Nightmare Moon, and had nearly done even worse on more than one occasion. Even the space of a thousand years couldn’t change that fact. So these ponies certainly acted concerned for Luna’s wellbeing, a fact that she appreciated and relished of course, but it was still tainted by the fact that she couldn’t help but wonder what they were all really thinking.
Luna’s thoughts went back to her discovery of Nightmare Night, which to her, still only served to confirm the common pony’s fear of what she had once stood for. And yet…the more she thought about it, the more she realized that even if this fear did exist, it wasn’t showing itself like she had envisioned it. And then there were the six ponies Luna was worried the most about; Twilight Sparkle and her friends. They were, after all, the ones who had used the power of the Elements of Harmony to strip away Nightmare Moon from her, a power that wasn’t to be trifled with. So even though Luna had no reason to do so, she was very wary about the six, especially the idea of meeting them face to face again. What if she didn’t meet their expectations?
But at the same time, she didn’t want to believe that, not after all the good things she had heard about them. Celestia herself had a great many good things to say about the group, especially for her student Twilight. Flattering things of the sort that would probably be enough to make the six blush from the praise if they knew of it. These did not seem like the kind of ponies who would hold Luna’s past faults against her so. And the more Luna thought about it, neither did all the other ponies in Equestria she had met since her return. Her subjects might indeed fear her…but they seemed willing to give Luna the chance to make amends, and above all, to try and forgive and forget. And on the subject of Nightmare Night itself, Luna did have to admit that Celestia had a point about it too; it may be for all the wrong reasons, but it did show a great deal of respect for the wonders of the night, the kind of respect Luna had longed for in bygone years. Maybe she would take Celestia up on the offer to reshape the holiday as she pleased when it arrived next.
But there was still the fact that she, as Nightmare Moon, had been banished within the moon for a thousand years, a millennium of lost time that Luna, due to the complexities of her banishment, knew nothing about. She ended up returning to Equestria only to find it had changed radically in that space of time. Save Celestia, everyone she had known was gone. Everything familiar had changed or was gone as well. Cultures had changed, sometimes in ways that she struggled to understand. Equestria itself had expanded, its population grown. It was hard to feel at home in a place that was no longer familiar, and it was even harder to go out into it and not be constantly reminded of all of this.
It was one of reasons why Luna had resorted to staying in her bedchambers so often. The world now felt foreign, unfamiliar, and frightening. She had felt lost in it, alone, like a young filly again, and didn’t know who to turn to. The idea of having to live in this new and unfamiliar Equestria was quite a lot for her to bear at times.
And yet…
As Luna strolled around the castle grounds, she started to realize that at least some things hadn’t changed. Canterlot itself, one of the eldest cities in Equestria, hadn’t changed all that much in the past thousand years. There were still notable landmarks within it that Luna could immediately recognize. There were even such things to be found right here in the castle grounds, like a “statue” of a certain old enemy that still stood exactly where she and Celestia had first placed it upon that enemy’s defeat (Luna couldn’t help but grin a little at the memory, remembering how they decided it was fitting that arrogant enemy, considering his ego and all, would henceforth be remembered as nothing more than a curious lawn ornament).
She recalled Celestia’s comment that change didn’t have to be bad. She wasn’t sure if she agreed entirely with that sentiment as she reached where the castle grounds ended and the rest of downtown Canterlot began, already busy with unfamiliar ponies rushing to and from doing unfamiliar tasks for unfamiliar businesses. But at the same time, she knew there wasn’t anything she could do about it now anyway. The changes had happened. She may not have the luxury of getting to ease her way into them like everypony else did, but she would still have to live with them now.
And at any rate, it wasn’t like these changes had hurt Equestria much. If anything, the country was bigger, prouder, and better than ever. None of these changes, while unfamiliar to her, seemed to have caused it any harm at all. So really, what was there to worry about?
Luna paused in her line of thought to watch a young foal stop and gap at her, the alicorn being clearly visible by the passersby from where she stood, before his mother pushed him along, apparently in a hurry. That didn’t stop said mother from looking back at Luna with the same astonishment as her young charge. Luna watched them go, then looked back into the busy street, realizing Celestia had been right all along, and she should’ve known would be the case. Hiding herself away like she had was never the solution to her problem. Getting back out into Equestria and coming to terms with it all was. The more she was out here, the more comfortable she felt being out here. Suddenly the task that faced her no longer seemed so insurmountable.
Not to say that she still didn’t have a long way to go still, of course, nor that her internal conflict with that undesirable part of her was anywhere near resolved. She could sense that hated mare nagging at her conscious even now, trying to tell her to not believe what she saw, that everything about this world was wrong. To say nothing about the fact that this terrible portion of herself felt terribly exposed stand out here in the open as she was, and wanted to go and run and hide again. She ignored it, though.
The nightmare within her may be longing for the familiar confines of her room, wishing for the accustomed darkness of night.
But to Luna, feeling a grin spread across her lips, the day had suddenly never seemed more beautiful.