//------------------------------//
// Chapter 9: High School has an Indefinite End Date, by Golfing for Stew 
// Story: Caverns & Cutie Marks: High School, High Stakes 
// by TheColtTrio 
//------------------------------//

Light Patch was fairly unamused. He wasn’t sure exactly which one of them had done it, but he was sure his class schedule had at least one joke in it. “And so, that's the general plan for today. No major assignments, just work more on your projects. As for you, Light Patch, I guess you can just pick a team and see what you can do to help them. Celestia suggested that you join the cake team.” And now he knew whose joke he was the butt of. With a sigh, he started to trudge over to join team cake but, before he could ask what he could do to help, two hands grabbed him by the shoulder and, daintily but firmly, led him in a way heavily suggestive of a dragging over to a raised circular platform half surrounded by mirrors.
“While I’m sure you could make a cake of some quality, I must say I could make better use of your body,” Rarity said, pushing the teen towards the platform. Light Patch stumbled a couple of steps before regaining his balance and pivoting on his foot to face Rarity with a smirk.
“How scandalous of you to say, miss Rarity. And surprisingly forward,” Light Patch said, grinning at the small snickers from some of the closer classmates, and the glare that would have stopped armies dead in its tracks.
“And here I thought your ballet past showed that you were at least partially cultured,” Rarity said with a humph as she turned back to the wardrobe where she’d been keeping some of her recent work. “You’re lucky I don’t desperately need to make you wear the dress so I can finish it,” she muttered darkly, not having realized that he’d quietly followed her.
“So make me wear it anyway,” he whispered as if he was angry but his face showed no anger.
“But wouldn’t that embarrass you?” she whispered back, kind of surprised.
“A little, but it’d get a good laugh outta everyone and help’em relax, and work on their projects. Also, try to make it sound like we’re arguing,” he whispered back. “If you really need, later tonight I can help you with the suit.” Rarity’s eyes quickly darted to take in the groups she could see in the room, most of whom seemed tense and the chatter seemed to be much quieter and terser than normal.
“I’m afraid that the suit is meant for a one of a shorter stature. Now,” she said aloud, trying to sound annoyed, she pulled the dress out of the wardrobe and shoved it into his hands. “It’s the dress or, if you really insist, I can start on a skirt idea I’ve been meaning to begin,” she finished, giving the look of one who’d won an argument.
Light Patch slouched with mock defeat and trudged to the stand, and began to struggle to put the dress on. After a few moments of trying to hide her own mirth, Rarity walked over and helped him get the dress in place. She looked him up and down and smiled. “I don’t know why you were so resistant to put the dress on in the first place. It really suits you, dear. Now, just hold still while I get what I need to pin the dress up, so I can finally finish this,” she said, walking back to get her supplies and noticing that many of the others in the room were openly trying to hide their mirth and going after their projects with renewed vigor. She got back and got to her work on the dress; after a few minutes, sure that most of the rest of the students were focused on their own projects, she quietly spoke up. “Pinkie Pie didn’t put you up to this, did she?”
“Not really, but she wouldn’t have had to work hard to have convinced me. I was just listening to the teacher talk and noticed how tense a lot of the groups looked. During my time in college, I’ve had stressful final projects. Stressful classes too; wondering if I was even gonna pass in the end,” the teen quietly admitted. “I’ve been where they’ve been, and know how much it sucks. I also know just how nice and important it can be to laugh and relax as well. And I’ve long felt it was one of my missions in life to make people laugh.”
Rarity hummed as she concentrated on an area of the dress. “Quite a bit like Pinkie, I’d suspect,” she said offhandedly. “And it’s not exactly the final project. We’re still really only at the start of the semester, but it is a fairly important project.” She quietly continued to work on the dress, until she noticed him studying himself intently in the mirrors. She wavered over asking a question that had been on her mind since she and the other girls had heard the whole story of the three.
“You wanna know what it’s like suddenly finding myself younger, aren’t you? Or were you asking yourself just how it’s possible for me to look this good in a dress?” Light Patch asked with a grin, only to have the grin instantly erased as a needle jabbed into his side.
“I was wondering that, yes. But really, if you don’t hold still I’ll end up sticking you with a needle,” she replied, her voice sounding calm but the look on her face implying that was anything but an accidental stabbing. After a few moments of silence, Light Patch sighed.
“It’s weird. I was the oldest of the three of us, but now I’m the youngest. Also a bit shorter and lighter, like I was when I was this age the, uh, first time,” Light Patch said contemplatively, looking at his reflection in the mirror. “I wanna compare it to suddenly finding myself in someone’s body, but I’d imagine that would be a different kind of weird. This is more like looking at older pictures of myself; seeing a stranger who looks familiar?” he halfheartedly shrugged, a small frown on his face; at least until another needle jabbed his side. “Ow, you did that one on purpose,” he accused.
“I’ve told you time and time again to hold still, and yet you insist on moving. I can hardly be held responsible for the results of your actions,” Rarity replied, wearing a grin mirroring an earlier from Light Patch, as a few chuckles came from elsewhere in the classroom.
“Yeah, well, I don’t see why you’d make me wear this dress anyway. We both know I’m too sexy for it anyway,” Light Patch said, doing a few turns on the podium. “Ow!” he shouted as Rarity poked him again, prompting laughter from most of the students, and even the teacher, at the renewed act between the two.


* * *


“You don’t like me very much, do you?” Purple Heart hummed as he strode abreast of the fire-haired girl. Sunset Shimmer twisted her face into a sarcastic grimace.
“What gave you that idea?” she snarled, hanging a right and stalking down the corridor. She hoped her abrupt change of direction would leave her unwanted companion lost, but her hopes were fruitless.
“Do you want short bullet points or a list?” the purple teen offered. “I could make a powerpoint, but I need a computer for that.” Sunset rubbed the bridge of her nose and let a sigh of exasperation escape her. If she could get rid of him without resorting to unsavory tactics or methods, she’d be happy. But an offhand suggestion from Celestia was not a suggestion to be ignored or adjusted. So, toleration was the first step. Anything after that was completely coincidental.
“How about neither?” she suggested firmly in hopes that he’d take the hint and walk in silence.
“I’m guessing your first bout of hatred appeared when I accidentally fondled you,” Purple Heart mused thoughtfully.
Dammit.
“There was nothing accidental about it,” Sunset ground out, gritting her teeth in restrained rage. “Of all the people in that hallway, I was the one you had to knock over and grope.”
“Hey-” Purple Heart stepped in her path, “-it’s not like I made a decision in the heat of the moment to look at the fast moving horde of students and pick a specific target to assault. I may be quick, but I’m not that fast.” She arched an eyebrow at him and snorted.
“I’m skeptical about that, what with your size,” she scoffed, stepping around and past him to continue down the hall. His reappearance before her made her groan in frustration. “You do realize we have a class to get to? Your constant breaks to talk will make us late.” His glower of irritation stopped any further barbs from Sunset as she blinked innocently up at him.
“I think we go off on the wrong foot,” Purple Heart rumbled. “Howsabout we re-introduce ourselves and turn over a new leaf, eh? Worst comes to worst, we do our level best to not interact with or address each other. Though I’m sure Principal Celestia will greatly disapprove of that choice.”
Again, Sunset Shimmer arched an eyebrow at the large youth, mulling over his suggestion for a few moments. His idea was a good one. Put the past behind them and move on. Besides, what he’d done hadn’t been unforgivable. She did have to admit it truly was just an accident borne of shocking coincidence. If she agreed to his plan, they’d go back to being relatively normal individuals. Of course, he’d be one who’d touched something no boy had ever touched before.
A small blush illuminated her cheeks for a split second. She dropped her chin to her chest, giving her just enough time to regain enough control to look at him again with a straight face. Jaw set, she offered her hand in reconciliation. Her breath slowed as he peered down at her with cobalt blue eyes. For a second, she feared he may not complete the gesture. When he grasped her hand gently, but firmly, she exhaled a soft breath she hadn’t known she’d been holding.
“Pax,” he said.
“Pax,” she responded.
Then his posture changed completely.
He lifted her hand to his forehead and inclined his torso slightly into a small bow.
“Greetings,” he said deeply. “My name is Purple Heart, previously a student of Sportsball. It is truly a gift to be in your presence.”
The blush returned.
She snatched her hand away and crossed her arms, turning to one side, looking imperiously over her shoulder at the still bowing youth.
“I thought you’d be serious this time!” she snapped, scowling petulantly. Purple raised his head and cocked it to one side, eyes blinking widely with false innocence and pure merriment.
“You must have me confused with black dogs,” he chuckled. Sunset huffed and stalked past him. “Ah, to be ignored by the fair maiden with fiery red hair. Forsooth, I know not why I am so sad. Mayhaps her presence brings me some modicum of peace and satisfaction? T’will be a most challenging query to answer indeed.”
She whirled around, blush intensifying. “If it could please you,” she quipped, “the Lady Sunset Shimmer of Canterlot High does request your presence in World History! A prompt attendance is beyond our reach, so we must settle for tardiness and pray the learned teacher may see fit to pity my pain and suffering!”
“Tarnation?” Purple Heart grunted, trotting towards her. “Make haste we must!” Then he pelted down the hallway, leaving Sunset blinking after him with stunned surprise etched into her features.
“Huh?” she grunted intelligently. The word had nearly passed her lips when she saw him returning to her.
At the exact speed he left.
Coming directly at her.
A scream of surprise and fear echoed around the hallway when Purple Heart’s steps shortened to a shuffle and he stopped before her in a crouch. He straightened, looking her directly in the eyes.
“Apologies, lass,” he grunted, turning around to present his back to her, “but we’re on a bit of a schedule.” He squatted again, but knocked his palms against her shins, bringing her falling onto his back with a surprised squeak. Out of reflex, her hands clasped tightly across his shoulders, securing herself to him. He reached behind and hooked his elbows under her knees. Then he stood.
The first thought in Sunset's head was, ‘I can see everything!’ followed promptly by, ‘TOO HIGH!’
“Ess-capay~!” Purple Heart boomed, charging down the hallway, trailing an echoing scream behind him and his passenger.
Once she’d managed to find enough breath to speak, Sunset screamed in his ear. “Do you even know where the classroom is?!?!”
Remarkably, instead of freezing immediately, Purple Heart’s forward momentum decreased gradually. He leaned his head back and looked up at Sunset.
“Care to share then?” he asked.
Crossing Ships paused in his lecture on the Fall of the Bronze Age when a loud exclamation sounded outside his door. The tall, bespectacled man arched a thin eyebrow as the door to his classroom banged open, revealing a panting pair of students. Sunset Shimmer, he recognized, was hanging limply off the back of a large boy garbed in non-descript shorts and tee-shirt. The history teacher’s other eyebrow rose to join the other as he blinked at the panting pair. With a weary sigh, he pinched the bridge of his nose and leaned against his podium patiently, waiting for their breath to return.
“Why’d you have to run?” Sunset Shimmer gasped, sliding off the purple youth’s back to place hands on knees as she continued to gasp for precious oxygen. The boy straightened and placed his hands on his head, inhaling deeply and slowly.
“I may or may not have been trying to show off,” he admitted. Sunset turned her head to frown at the boy. “Or we were nearly late and I wanted to get here quickly.” He gave a thumbs up and a weak smile. “Gotta go fast.” Sunset rolled her eyes and stood erect, dusting down her clothes in the process.
“Sorry for being late, Mr. Ships,” the girl apologized, addressing the bemused teacher. “I had to escort Purple Heart around campus and we took a wrong turn. He’s just transferred.”
“Oh, did he now?” Crossing Ships hummed. He considered the purple teen for a moment. “Well then, why don’t you tell me one fact about ancient history.”
Purple Heart blinked, a frown creasing his brow. “Am I being singled out?” he asked, looking at Sunset. The girl shook her head, smiling softly.
“Everyone who takes a class with Mister Ships has to share a historical fact at the beginning of term, you aren’t just the exception,” she answered. “If someone can’t, they have to give five facts at the end of term to prove they learned something.”
Purple Heart grunted. “Huh. Coo. A fact about history, eh?”
“Yes,” the teacher confirmed.
The purple teen hummed to himself, scratching his chin thoughtfully. Then a wide grin split his face. “I’ve got it,” he cackled. Sunset, along with the rest of the class and Mister Ships, shivered involuntarily. Mister Ships straightened his waistcoat and gestured for Purple Heart to take his place at the podium while he himself moved to sit behind his desk, interlacing his fingers as he looked imperiously over his hands at Purple Heart.
“Share then, if you please,” he prompted. “To the class.” He followed with a gesture to the front of the room. “You may take your seat, Miss Shimmer.”
As Sunset walked past Purple Heart to her seat, she nudged the youth and whispered, ‘good luck’. In a few short strides, Purple Heart found himself at the front of the class. He took a breath and exhaled slowly through his nose.
“Mongols,” he said, lifting a finger, “are the exception.” The class was silent for a beat. Then the confused blinking began. A frown crossed Mister Ships’ face.
“Explain,” he commanded.
Purple Heart sighed dramatically. “Very well. You all know of Russia, yes?” The class as a whole nodded. “Large, expansive, absurdly difficult to invade...” More nodding. “Consider if you will, the three times in fairly recent history when Russia was invaded: One, the Germans in World War Two. Hitler wanted Russia due to its expansive supply of resources, oil, and manpower. As such, he invaded. And failed. Coincidentally, he didn’t invade during the winter. Which, of course, invading Russia in winter is the third most well known blunder any human can make; the other two being ‘never get involved in a land war in Asia’ and ‘never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line’.
“References aside, Hitler’s invasion of Russia? Borked. Now for Napoleon. Poor shnook invaded during the summer, but his campaign took too long and a Russian Winter set in. See above. Then we have the Swedes. No Russian winter here. They just got they supply lines raided liberally and never actually faced the Russians on open ground.
“Now, the Mongols. Those magnificent bas-”
“Language,” Mister Ships chided.
“Sorry. Those magnificent bleeps invaded Russia. In winter. Uphill. Both ways. With arrers. And succeeded gloriously. Thank you.”
The class was silent. Mister Ships stood. “While you lacked any specific details, which is understandable considering I put you on the spot, you did a fantastic job. The names are slightly incorrect, but otherwise, well done.” He applauded, leading the rest of the class in a storm of claps. “Now,” Mister Ships’ clapping ceased, “back to today’s lesson followed by setting up groups for this term’s project. Mister Heart, you’ll be with Ms. Shimmer, seeing as you both are already acquainted.”
As Mister Ships lay out the syllabus and goals for the course, Purple slid into a seat beside a very still Sunset Shimmer.
“If I didn’t know better,” he whispered softly to Sunset, “I’d think he was shipp-”
“Finish that sentence and I’ll kick you,” Sunset growled through her teeth. The pair fell silent, listening to Mister Ships pair off the rest of the class.


* * *


Up at the front of the classroom, an old gentleman narrated the events of Edgar Allan Poeny’s The Corvid in a tone that would make the Sahara think, “you should have a drink, mate”.
Meanwhile, at the back of the class, Wits End was face down at his desk, slowly tapping a piece of paper with the end of his pencil. A small spot of drool was forming at the corner of his mouth as he contemplated the fastest way to get out of the room. Currently, it was leaping over the boy in the row ahead of him, and use the football player near the window as a stepstool to jump out into the quad.
In short, he was not enjoying the culture.
A piece of crumpled paper landed on the desk in front of his face. Wits sat up, wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve, and un-crumbled the page.
Hey, aren’t you gonna pretend to pay attention? Signed, Pinkamena Diane Pie
Wits looked up to see Pinkie Pie looking back at him. He sighed, looked past her to see the teacher still droning on without looking up at all. With a click of the mechanical pencil, he scrawled two letters across the page under Pinkie’s note, and held it up for her to see.
NO
After a moment, he added another line underneath.
Also, you really shouldn’t sign notes that you pass in class. 
With that, he folded the paper back up and underhanded it back to the pink girl, where it landed in her hair. Wits was about to lay his head back down when the crumpled ball of paper landed in front of him again.
Good point. Also, your handwriting is terrible. Are you a doctor in your world?
Wits crumpled the paper and flung it full force across the room. It slammed into the wall with an audible thud and dropped into the recycling bin. Up at the front of the class, the teacher paused for a moment, only to clear his throat and continue. Wits End looked down at his hand is mild surprise. “I didn’t think that’d actually make it,” he muttered.
A neatly folded piece of paper landed on Wits’ desk as he settled back in his chair. Is my desk a recycling center now or what? he thought, shooting a glare at Pinkie Pie. Pinkie, however, was faced forward, and appeared to be busy folding her notes into a small origami dinosaur. He looked around for anyone else looking his way, but everyone seemed to be busy pretending to pay attention to the teacher. With a frown, Wits unfolded the paper.
You took the Interlocational Audio Communication Device, didn’t you.
Wits’ frown intensified. Interlocational Audio- Wait, the phone? He tapped his pants pocket where the smartphone was sitting. Between the cleaning, dinner, and early start, he hadn’t had the time to tell the others about it, or how his counterpart had been hiding it for some reason. His thoughts were interrupted by another piece of paper landing on his desk.
Your actions have revealed the answer. In the future, please refrain from such obvious subconscious tells. 
Wits looked up from the page again. Somehow, he thought, the way this person writes is ticking me off… Since he couldn’t see who it was who was throwing notes, he went back to to reading.
The Othersiders might be observing us. Do not alter your standard operating procedures. The Interlocational Audio Communication Device (IACD) has been cursed with a number of protective wards in order to prevent the Othersiders from intercepting any communication-
Wits sighed under his breath. Words words words, text text text, he thought. Did this person write all of this out with a thesaurus before coming to class? Back to the letter again.
-but I will assist you in circumventing these wards and imprinting the IACD with your own magical energy signature. 
First, you will need to provide the IACD with life energy. Fortunately, the Othersiders have created a standardized system to siphon life energy into such devices. I’m sure you’ve used such a system in the past, even though you didn’t know of their true purpose.
The mint-colored teen sat and stared at the page for a good minute. Did they seriously use 30+ words to say “Charge the phone”? he thought. He tore out a page of his notebook and scrawled the words ‘Can I borrow your phone charger after class?’ across it before folding it up and tossing it at Pinkie Pie. The paper landed on the floor next to her, but she picked it up and read through it, turned back to him, and gave him a thumbs up and a grin. He returned the thumbs up and went back to the mysterious letter.
Once the IACD is replenished, you will need to breach its defenses. The guardian spirits will ask you a riddle. Answer it correctly within three attempts or else entry will be forever denied to you. The answer will be known to you if you are true of heart and intention. 
It’s got a password on it then, Wits thought. And apparently I’ll know it? Well, I won’t know if I know until it’s charged. He scanned the rest of the page, and found himself almost at the end.
Once you have answered the riddle, the IACD will be at your command. Contact me via the ether once you have access. If I do not hear from you within 24 hours, I shall consider you beyond hope, and break all communication. Do not fail me in this task.
Wits tisked. They didn’t sign it, he thought, which makes them more aware than Pinkie, but it also makes it harder to get in touch with them. Whatever. This is just a distraction from getting back home. He went to crumple the page, but stopped. Something was written on the back.
If you are in some way cursed by the Othersiders and unable to answer the riddle, I give you this hint: The answer lies in your adventures on the other side.
This gave Wits pause. Other side? He thought with a deepening frown. Even if this is a distraction… They might know something. With a sigh, he folded the paper up and slid it into his pocket next to the mysterious phone. It’s not like I’ve got anything else to do. Guess I’m just a guy who’s a mystery solver for fun.
He looked up again. The teacher’s droning voice had finally petered out, and given way to the bell announcing the next period. “Finally!” Pinkie said in a sing-song voice, most likely voicing the thoughts of everyone in that room. She hopped over to Wits’ desk as he packed up his bag, dropping a charging cable in front of him. “Here ya go! You can keep that one. I always carry a bunch of them with me. What’d you need that for, anyway?”
Wits picked up the cord and tucked it into his bag as he stood up. “Oh, you know, charging stuff.” He paused for a moment on the way to the door. “Hey, how do you feel about solving mysteries?”
Pinkie raised a pink eyebrow. “If that’s a preposition, I could be convinced.”
“What would it take to convince you?”
Pinkie’s response was interrupted by her growling stomach. She chuckled. “How about a Pinkie Snack?”


* * *


“And that is why Batman and the Joker are one of the best hero-villain duos and also why a good villain is just as crucial, if not more than, a good hero,” Light Patch finished with a bite of fish to punctuate the end of his argument. “As a side note, it’s also why media that’s focused on real villains and not just anti-heroes is—pardon the pun—criminally underused.”
“Ya sure did put a… lot of thought into that,” Applejack noted with a surprised look on her face, her food mostly untouched.
“An almost scary amount,” Rainbow Dash added.
“You're not secretly a villain are you?” Applejack asked, giving the teen boy a cautious glance.
“No, but I do play one on TV,”  Light Patch replied quickly between bites.
“You could do to slow down a little,” Rarity said, leaning away from the teen. “And don’t you dare respond with your mouth open.” She hastily continued.
“So how's that sewing project of yours coming along?” Applejack asked Rarity, changing the topic.
“Well, I didn’t make as much progress on the suit as I was hoping to, but Light Patch has promised to help me with that later. The dress however, I’ve just about gotten finished. I had a very good helper with that,” Rarity said, smiling as she noticed the minute nod of thanks from Light Patch.
“I have arrived!” Wits dropped into the seat next to Light Patch with a plate of pizza while Pinkie hopped into the seat opposite. “The party may begin. What’re we talking about?”
“Something about Batman and the Joker,” Rainbow Dash said with a shrug.
“He gave you that three hour lecture, huh? I’m so sorry.” With a slice of pizza in one hand, he dropped a manila folder of lined paper in front of the rainbow-haired girl. “As promised, notes on Algebra and English Lit.”
Rainbow Dash’s face lit up. “Sweet!”
Rarity peeked at the top note. “Did you write these math notes in iambic pentameter?”
“I might have been switching between the two notes when I made copies.”
“You, my good sir, are an enabler. We both know that if you had been here, that three hour lecture would have been six and a half,” Light Patch replied, poking his friend in the elbow. “And there probably would have been a digression about ineffective villains.”
“I’m just saying, Harley Quinn deserves better.” Wits stuffed the last piece of crust into his mouth and swallowed. “Where’s the lovebirds?”
“Are ya’ll ever gonna apologize for settin’ Purple Heart up ta be an accidental perv there?” Applejack asked.
“I prefer to think of it as getting the B plot started. And where did you hear about that?”
“Ah was there. In tha background. Where ‘parently no-one sees me.”
Wits’ mouth formed a thin line. “Well, there’s no good way out of this one. Patchy, take this bullet for me.”
“Why am I always taking the bullet for everyone? I’m the healer, not the designated meat shield! Speaking of, he missed his sitcom cue!” Light Patch huffed. “And what do you mean ‘there isn’t a good way out of this’? All you gotta do is-” Light Patch turned to look Applejack directly in the eyes, “-I will always notice you, my Amazonian beauty, for how could anyone miss a statue that shines as brightly as you…” He trailed off as both he and Applejack began to blush, “Ah hah... I see,” he muttered as he glanced towards Wits End and basically anywhere but Applejack. “Considered me redshirted.”
“You’re stealing my shtick,” Wits muttered, blowing softly into the straw of his soda.
“Sunset and Purple Heart are in History class, right?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Eeyup,” Applejack confirmed, hiding her blush behind her apple. “It goes for at least  two an’ a half hours, so they should be out in just a few mo-”
A bang interrupted Applejack as Sunset threw open the cafeteria doors and stomped in. Her eyes swung from left to right and back several times until they finally alighted upon the table her friends were occupying. Students scurried out of her path as she stalked to the table and plopped into the seat beside Applejack and snatched one of the girl’s apples from her lunch box.
“He is… insufferable,” she spat, chomping into the helpless apple.
“He’s also still late for his cue,” Light Patch chipped in. “I assume you’re talking about PH Balance. What’d he do this time?”
Sunset glared at Light Patch, a snarl curling her lips. She tore into the apple again. “He had to share the obligatory factoid about history to the class,” she growled. The rest of the girls nodded in understanding. “Then, Mr. Ships had to gall to pair us up for the term project. That alone was irritating. What drove me nuts was EVERY. SINGLE. GIRL. ASKING. TO. TRADE. PARTNERS. FOR. HIM.”
“Brainy is the new sexy, darling,” Pinkie grinned.
“So what made him insufferable?” Rarity prodded.
“He refused all of them!” Sunset snapped, tossing the apple core into Applejack’s box.
Wits and Light blinked. “Are you serious?” Wits deadpanned. “This is Purple Heart we’re talking about. He’s never had a girlfriend to my knowledge and he’s not the brightest when it comes to the fairer sex.”
“He’s also probably thinking it’d be better to stick with you because there is no telling what major differences in history between our world and your’s. And if there is a big common knowledge event difference, it’s gonna be harder to explain why the three of us don’t know about it what with the whole demon thing we’ve got going on here,” Light Patch explained logically before he saw the death glare Sunset fired at him. “I mean… he sucks and I can’t believe I was ever his friend.” He quickly backpedaled while signaling for one of the other girls at the table to jump in.
“Maybe he actually likes you?” Pinkie thought aloud, earning a quiet facepalm from everyone else, save Sunset. The red-haired girl was now trying to strangle a carrot.
“Or maybe he’s just being his usual obtuse self,” Wits offered. “Chances are he’s sticking with you because you were the first one he saw. It’s like a baby chick following a cat without knowing it’s going to become lunch.”
Sunset narrowed her eyes at the mint-colored teen. “Are you saying I’m the one going to eat Purple Heart in this situation?”
Wits went silent. “Well, would you look at that. I am outta drink.” He stood up and absconded from the table, muttering something about batting a thousand so far.
“He has a point, dearie,” Rarity said. “Purple Heart is just a young man after all. He probably doesn’t think anything is wrong. Just take it easy and try to find something to enjoy in it.”
“Or you could try to twist him around your little finger,” Pinkie mused, twirling a doughnut around her own little finger. “Use that apparent affection to your advantage.”
Rarity stared at the pink girl. “Someday, some boy is going to fall for you and not know what hit him, Pinkie,” she deadpanned.
“Get more cake that way.”
“He probably fell because she tripped him,” Light Patch quipped.
“Look who I found lurking around the cutlery!” Wits approached the table, pulling Purple Heart by the arm. The size difference between them made it seem more like a child pulling a parent along, rather than an upper-classman dragging someone younger.
“In my defense,” Purple Heart defended, “there was food. Very hungry. Much eat. Great meat. I touched it. I stretched it. Put it in my mouth and chewed. Ten ouda ten.” The girls stared blankly at the large youth, silently questioning his sanity.
“So,” Purple Heart sat beside Rainbow Dash, “what’ve ya’ll been chatting about? Anything interesting I’ve missed?”
“Light lectured us about Joker and Batman, Wits wrote notes in iambic pentameter, Light got redshirted, Sunset ranted about how you’re a nice guy, and now we’re waiting to hear your side of the story,” Rainbow rattled off. “So spill.”
“I blame the teacher,” Purple Heart declared immediately. “It’s all his fault.”
“Crossing Ships had nothing to do with it!” Sunset snapped. “You just wouldn’t trade partners!”
“The teacher that launched a thousand ships,” Light Patch said as regally as he could. “Seriously though, his name is Crossing Ships?” Light Patch paused to see all of the girls at the table nod their heads. “Lemme guess, he volunteers for school events focused on whatever holiday that focuses on ‘wuv, twu wuv’, and goes out of his way to bring up famous romances, especially where it was forbidden love and routinely goes, ‘Ahh, young love’?” he finished.
The table was silent for a second as the girls traded looks. “Now that you mention it...” Rainbow Dash mused.
“He got really into that Valentine's’ dance,” Pinkie said with a grin.
Wits’ head hit the table. “Good god, the shippers have entered the workplace.”
Rarity hummed as she thought. “I recall him bringing up the forbidden romance between the emperor of Prance and a commoner, even though we were talking about Bitton”
“And you know I recall him saying that once when I passed him in the hall.”
“By Batman’s Batboat, you two never stood a chance,” Light Patch said, looking between Sunset and Purple Heart. “Even if you had tried to trade partners, he’d probably have had a reason why you couldn’t or why you’d have had to switch back later.”
“I hereby christen this ship ‘Purple Sunsets’.” Wits thumped his fist on the table. “Changing gears to something completely unrelated,” he jerked his thumb at the flyers that papered one of the walls, “what’s up with all of the in-game advertisements?”
“The school’s having a vote for what the next school event should be,” Science Twilight said, walking over with her tray and taking a seat at the end of the table. “Everyone’s trying to get votes for their own idea.”
Wits raised an eyebrow. “Aren’t school events usually like… dances and talent shows and camping trips and such?”
“Yeaaaaah… The last couple of times we tried that, it didn’t work so well.”
“...Fair enough.”
“Hold on a minute, the winter dance was pretty good.” Rainbow chimed in gaining the ire of the girls at the table.
“You mean the one with the, living impaired theme?” Rarity asked.
“Well yeah that's what made it so much fun, who would have seen snow zombies coming.” Rainbow said as she swung her arms like she was wielding a sword.
“I’m sure the Tarponyens sent their regards,” Wits muttered.
“Lannistangs,” Purple Heart coughed. “Senseless references aside, what are the top picks so far? We must be part way through the school year already, so there must be a preliminary tally.”
“Sci Twi would know for certain,” Pinkie said. “She looooves numbers.”
“And you’re on the committee, Pinkie,” Rarity pointed out. “You’d actually have a better idea than Twilight.”
“I don’t get to choose,” Pinkie pouted, crossing her arms petulantly.
“What, was the winter dance your idea?” Purple Heart inquired. He chuckled and Pinkie’s silent nod. “Well, that makes sense. Still, what’s top pick so far?”
Twilight pushed her glasses up. “Well, based on a calculation taking into account the general views of the school body, the the climate since the last set of… failures, and some personal guesses, I’d say that-”
“It’s a tie!” Pinkie exclaimed! “Everybody wins!”
“How are ties normally settled?” Light Patch asked, leaning back in his chair. “Some kind of coin flip? Intervention from Luna or Celestia? Magic eight ball?”
“That’s a bit of an issue because as far as my research could tell me there really isn’t an official method for solving a tie.” Twilight said with a shrug.
“Usually if it’s close we settle on some kind of compromise,” Pinkie chimed in. “Like a summer event but with a winter theme or something. Personally, I’m hoping we go with some kind of formal ball event.”
“Really? I thought the last formal ball you went to you hated,” Rarity asked surprised.
“Hate is such a strong word. I prefer ‘having a strong aversion towards’. Besides, tell me you don’t wanna see Rainbow have to put up with one of those super poofy dresses.” The pink-haired teen barely finished before the image of it in her mind caused her to fall out of her chair from laughter.
“It’ll take more than some poofy dress to defeat the Dash,” Rainbow muttered as she glared at the still giggling teen.
“And I thought we agreed you’d quit using that nickname,” Sunset said as she sat back down at the table as far away from Purple Heart as she could manage.
“You mean she refers to herself in the third person?” Purple Heart asked. “The Purple Heart is mildly amused.”
“Uhm, I have a question,” Fluttershy softly spoke up. “It was never established what events tied. What are they?”
Twilight adjusted her glasses again. “Well, it’s too early to call it a tie. We still have another few days of voting,” she responded. “But from what an early tally says, school festival and competitive dance are the forerunners.”
“Pleeeeease let it be a festival,” Sunset groaned, cradling her head in her hands.
A rumbling growl settled over the table, emanating from Purple Heart. “You seem real stuck on this shipping thing,” he grumbled, eyes hard with irritation as he glared at the red haired girl. “Yes, I get that you’re not enthused about being my partner for the assignment. But for the ever loving carp, quit your whining! First few times, it was a little funny. Now? It’s become just gotten ridiculous and annoying. So would you kindly keep your pouting to yourself?” He stood, body tense with contained energy. “I’m going to bus my spot. Let me know when you’ve decided to be mature about this.” He grabbed his tray and stalked away, leaving the table silence with his sudden absence.
“Well, that’s the maddest I’ve seen him in a while,” Wits commented idly, picking at his food.
“Yeah, not even Duck Game can mine that much salt from him. Not normally anyway,” Light Patch said, watching his friend carve a swathe of stumbling students through the lunch room. He looked at Sunset. The girl was leaning back, having recoiled from the harsh words. “You two should probably sit down and figure out what and how you wanna deal with this whole shipping thing before it gets outta hand and we find you both locked in some kind of Spy vs Spy hijinks.”
“I second that,” Applejack piped up.
“Thirded!” squeaked Pinkie.
“You really should sort this out,” Rarity suggested. “I have to agree with Purple Heart’s observation.”
“She has been beating that particular horse to death,” Rainbow mused. An involuntary wince passed around the group. “No pun intended...”
“Too late,” Wits grunted.
Sunset sighed, sagging in her seat. “I guess I did get a little dramatic about all this. I still haven’t forgiven him for our first encounter.”
“You’re still sore about that?!” Applejack squawked. “Sunset, you need to let it go! You were just a victim of circumstance. And so was he. Just let bygones be bygones and forgive the guy. Besides, you did counter grope him. The score is even.”
Sunset gave a heavy exhale and nodded. Swinging her legs out from under the table, she stood. “I guess if we’re gonna work together, we shouldn’t be fighting,” she allowed.
“Didn’t stop us from bickering before the concert,” Rainbow Dash commented. “Owch!”
“Not helping,” Rarity hissed.
“I’ll go apologize,” Sunset said, leaving the table to find Purple Heart.
“Ladies and gentleman,” Wits said as he stood, “I give you the world’s fastest drama resolution.” He bowed dramatically to Sunset Shimmer. “Thank you for saving us three days of mutually assured tsundere-ness.”
“Where’re you going?” Rainbow Dash asked.
Wits held up the phone charger Pinkie had given him. “I gotta charge a thing. Remind me to tell ya’ll about it next break.” He paused. “There’s multiple breaks in high school, right?”
“Lunch is the biggest. You might get some smaller ones between classes, but usually that's more just for you to transition from one class to another with a stop at your locker,” Light Patch threw out. “But I’ll defer to the experts.” He motioned to the girls, all of whom merely nodded in affirmation.
“Lunch is also probably just about over, now that I think of it,” Rarity noted, looking around for a clock. And prompting those who’d been neglecting their food to begin scarfing it down.
“At least this makes up for the last chapter, right?” Pinkie muttered around a mouthful of salad.
Rainbow Dash blinked at the pink party planner. “What in the world are you talking about?”