I’ve never been one for words. I like listening to other ponies’ flow. The cadence of their speech. The beautiful melody as they talk. Language is a music all of its own. Words find ways to reverberate through life in rhythms and patterns that nopony can fully describe. Some words, however, ring truer, purer than others.
I have a talent. I’ve always been able to pick up on these coloratura truths in ponies’ speech. I just wish I knew why. I’ve spent my life immersed in music notes and instrument practice, but theory never helped. Plucking these truths out gripped me with loneliness. A feeling I only feel when trying to decipher the deeper meaning to my cutie mark, beyond the image of a golden lyre and what it merely represents.
Hearing the notes, seeing the colours of a pony's soul, that I can do. Digging deeper than those truths, however... I can't face that music. I don’t know how to. I have a hard enough time explaining why I can sense what others are feeling. Explaining that fickle truth resonating within my heart like a plucked string on my lyre? That requires a vocabulary I do not have, and an honest desire to fully explain myself that I also lack.
But then I met her. Her truths. Ones that rang differently than what I’d already heard, felt, and interpreted from others.
Some ponies say that relationships only work if both ponies are telling the truth. Honesty, openness, and the will to keep communicating through the pain, that’s the key to happy relationship. Right?
I really don’t know if that’s true or not. If anything, I feel guilty that the most important relationship in my life began with a half-truth, and the terrible ignorance of the threshold between it and an outright lie.
“I was hoping it was you!” she chirped happily as I stepped into her little shop. The rich scents of chocolate, caramel, and sugar hugged me as I looked up at the proprietor.
“I… you did?” I asked.
“Really, really!” she replied with a nod that bounced her curly two-tone mane. She had a slight and endearing accent that I couldn’t quite place. “I was watching you through the window. Not… many ponies stop in to give my work a closer look. They may window shop for a bit, but… I held out a hope that you wouldn’t be one of those onlookers, and would actually come in.”
I frowned. “Oh, that’s… too bad. You do amazing work with those little chocolate instruments and music notes that you decorate cupcakes with! I bet even Pinkie Pie would be jealous! And the caramel, oh… it does kind of drift through your door to tickle the nostrils.”
The earth pony wilted slightly at the mention of Pinkie Pie. “Well… that might be true, but a lot of ponies would rather hit up Sugar Cube Corner than check out someplace new,” she sighed. “I’m Bon Bon, by the way. And thank you for coming in!”
Sharing a smile, I levitated out my mint green purse onto the counter. “Well, it’s nice to meet you, Bon Bon. I’m Lyra, and… I think those salted caramels are calling my name.”
“My pleasure!” Bon Bon said, reaching toward a set of tongs. “How many would you like?”
“Oh, at least two dozen! Just enough to get me through the afternoon and tomorrow.”
“I think you’d be hard pressed to get them to last that long, Lyra,” she teased.
I watched Bon Bon dexterously pluck the caramels one by one out of the display case. Earth ponies fascinated me by how well they use their hooves. Without the fine manipulation of my magic, I’d be a cripple. And so, I found myself staring at her hooves, marvelling at how quickly they wrapped up my treats into small, delicate sheets of parchment paper.
“What’s tomorrow, if I may ask?” she asked.
I shook myself and looked up into her soft blue eyes.
“Oh! Um,” I sighed, feeling my excitement drain away. “I have to head back to Canterlot for a few days. My folks are worried about me and wanted to check in with me.”
She gave me a gentle smile. “Is there something going on that’s got them worried? You’re not homeless, are you?”
I narrowly avoided lapsing into an awkward pause. The hostel I’d been staying at wasn’t a home per se but... I wasn’t really homeless either.
“Oh! No!” I lied. “I do have a place here. It’s just that my birthday is coming up and you know how parents get sometimes.”
Bon Bon nodded. “Well, you must have a lot of free time on your hooves. Considering you seem to be busking a lot for bits.”
My eyes darted back to the golden lyre peeking out of my saddlebag.
“It's something to do and it's likely the best way for me to make bits in Ponyville,” I said.
“Why’s that?” she asked, her blue eyes scrutinizing me.
“I suppose it’s because I’m still trying to find myself,” I admitted. “I’m trying to find my place in the world. All I’ve figured out, for now, is that it’s not in Canterlot. A… friend moved out to this small town not long ago. I figured I might as well follow.”
Bon Bon pressed a few buttons on her register.
“That didn’t quite answer my question, Lyra. Why don’t you think that you can make a good income in Ponyville?” She pursed her lips. “And now I feel awkward asking you this but... It’ll be six bits.”
I levitated six gold coins out of my purse.
“I just… Do you ever have moments where you think that your special talent is obvious, but then at a second glance… that, maybe, there’s more to it?”
As she put the bits in the till, Bon Bon bit her lip thoughtfully - adorably so.
“I don’t know. I suppose I never really thought about it. I know that I’m different from my parents, though. My mother teaches botany and my father is a philosophy professor at Stalliongrad University,” she explained, hinting at the birthplace of the timbre in her voice. “Me? I like making candy. That’s a joy to be had. To slow down and take the time to embrace the simple things in life. Even if those simple things are salted caramels.”
I nodded, thinking about what she’d said. Bon Bon felt especially sincere about her beliefs on the matter. Still, it didn’t really alleviate the concerns over my own talent and destiny. I was wishing for answers, but it was probably selfish of me to expect that of somepony I just met.
“Though, don’t take it from me,” she warned a moment later. “You should talk to Twilight Sparkle. She's the town librarian and usually she has a pretty good head for these kinds of problems. Have you met her?”
“We haven’t spoken,” I said, telling yet another half-truth.
Up until a few months ago, I’d spoken to her a lot. However, since she'd moved to Ponyville and become the bearer of the Element of Magic, she'd been quite distant. Like she’d forgotten about her Canterlot friends.
Twinkleshine, Minuette, and Lemon Hearts said that she’d come around again. Eventually.
Moondancer just straight up vanished into her studies.
Me?
Like most things in my life, I had many questions and few answers.
“Maybe I'll talk to her after I get back from Canterlot. Thanks for the suggestion, Bon Bon!”
She rewarded me with her smile. It contained a beauty that stabbed deep into my soul a simple realisation: I needed that smile. From anypony… a smile at me, for me.
“It’s no trouble, really,” she said. “After all, you’re my first and… so far only customer of the day.”
I returned a soft grin. “Well then, maybe you'll just have to stay open long enough that I'll be able to come back around for some more caramels!”
“I’ll be sure to try!”
I levitated my newly bought treats to my side and turned to leave. However, something she'd said when I first walked in rattled around in my head. It left me wondering why it was still resonating within me.
“Wait! Earlier, when I walked in, you said you were hoping it was me. Why do I feel like you meant something more than just me coming in to keep your business afloat?” I asked, trying to peer through her.
Bon Bon chuckled and only offered a shy smile. “Well, maybe when you come back next time for more caramels, I’ll tell you.”
I felt my cheeks warm as I mumbled a promise to come back once I’d be in Ponyville again. Then, awkwardly, I slipped out the door.
I’m not great with ponies. I understand them. I listen to them. And, when I was younger, I often jammed myself between squabbling pairs of fillies, trying to get them to remember to be kind to one another. It always hurt to watch my friends argue for reasons I could never really understand. There was always something tearing at my heart. That pain, that of disharmony between friends, was the worst. A cloud of razor sharp confetti clawing away within my chest, looking for a way out. I never could find a reason for those feelings. Be it Moondancer and Twilight arguing over the proper formula for a chemistry experiment or Lemon Hearts and Twinkleshine competing to play Princess Celestia in our games of pretend.
I only knew that if I could get them to calm down, it didn’t hurt nearly as much as before. The hurt itself sometimes went away on the rare times I got them to apologize to one another.
But as I grew older and my friends drifted apart, I couldn’t help but feel like I was being left behind. Twilight had her studies with Princess Celestia as her personal protegée. Lemon Hearts, Minuette, and Twinkleshine went on to study other things at Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. Moondancer? Well, she slowly slipped back into being a reclusive scientist.
I wondered if I was just having a hard time growing up. All of my friends were either starting careers, continuing their studies or, in Twilight’s case, becoming a very important pony. Me on the other hoof… I had finished my musical studies, graduated in the upper quarter of my class, then… nothing.
“Lyra, honey, I can’t help but feel like you’re drifting,” Dad said at dinner, the night I was back in Canterlot. “You know what you have left of your stipend from school isn’t going to last forever.”
“I know, I know,” I replied, burying my face into my hooves as the weight of his disappointment settled on my withers. “I just can’t help but feel like I’m doing something wrong. I know that my cutie mark is a lyre and that I'm good at music but, something doesn't quite fit and I can't figure out what.”
Mom set a platter of maple-glazed carrots on the table.
“Is it just that you’re having a hard time now that you’re out of school, dear? Trying to find somepony nice to settle down with? Oh! Did you hear that your cousin had her foal?”
I tried not to roll my eyes. Mom had been a little foal crazy since Clarabelle announced her pregnancy.
“No, I… didn’t know that. But I’m so happy for her! How is Clara doing?”
“She’s resting comfortably. At least according to the last letter your aunt sent me. And it sounds like they had a very healthy little colt! Isn’t that just great, darling?” she asked, plating a pair of carrots for me.
I could feel her excitement. Mom always tried her hardest to project happiness over me. Though I doubted she realised sometimes how strongly I could feel that strong press of emotions, and how it felt like I was sitting far too close to a timpani. Then again, I often lacked the words to properly explain just what I was feeling, so it really wasn’t her fault.
“Yeah... That’s… that’s great mom,” I replied, absently moving the carrots around on my plate. “But to answer your question, no. I’ve not found anypony. Or found anything at all. Or done anything of consequence since I’ve been out there. I know that there’s something more out there to do! I just… I can’t see it.”
Dad hummed thoughtfully as he chewed on a bite of freshly baked bread.
“Have you thought about catching up with your old friends?” he asked. “I know that they never steered you in the wrong direction when you were younger, Ly.”
I shook my head, finally taking a genuine bite of mom’s carrots. They were really good, I just didn’t have the heart for eating at the moment.
“No, I haven’t,” I admitted, looking everywhere but at my parents. “Twilight lives in Ponyville now. Did you know that?”
“We had dinner with Velvet and Night just the other week! They are so proud of her. And of Shining, of course! Did you know he was engaged?” Mom asked, slowly buttering her bread. “Maybe you should try spending some time with her!”
The dining room got a few degrees cooler as I made a face.
“What’s wrong, Stringbean?” Dad asked, lightly pushing up at my chin with his cool brown magic.
“I haven’t seen Twilight since I moved out to Ponyville, Dad! Well, I mean… I’ve seen her but… I just… I-I don’t think she’s seen me. At all. I don’t even bother waving anymore.” I finally met Dad’s eyes. “And what’s to stop her from moving on, really? I mean… It’s not like she’s got anything to learn from me! I just have my…” I sighed. “My music. And… I don’t even know if I want that.”
Mom and Dad exchanged glances.
It was Dad who spoke first. “Lyra, I… think you should try to find some ways to reconnect with your friends. Ponies aren’t meant to go through life alone. We’re not good at it.” He put his hoof on mine, and his magic lifted my chin again. “If you can’t find yourself here, what’s there to find in Ponyville? There are even fewer things to do in a small town like that than there are in Canterlot. Is there something that keeps drawing you back?”
I frowned. There really wasn’t. I could be miserable at home, dealing with dad constantly pressuring me to apply for the Canterlot Symphony like he always wanted me to do. Or I could go back to Ponyville again, and keep trying to find the… something that felt off about me.
Bon Bon’s smile flashed through my mind. The smile that I hadn't realized I needed until it was so freely given.
“I just need to go back, Dad. Give me four months to figure myself out. If I don’t, I-I’ll move back in and apply for the Symphony. I’m sure one of the instruments I play will have an opening by then. I’ll write Twinkleshine, Minuette, and Lemon Hearts. See if maybe I can get Twilight to sit down for lunch with me. I just… I feel I need to do this.”
Mom and Dad went quiet for a long moment. For the briefest instant, I feared about getting yelled at. Me, a young mare of twenty, getting yelled at by her parents like she was a filly breaking the rules about staying out late.
“Then, I think you need to, sweetheart,” Mom said, getting up from her side of the table to wrap her forelegs around me. I leaned into her hug, taking in the warm honeyed scent of her coat as she held me close. “Lyra, if you said that you needed to move to Gryphonstone, we’d be more worried. Ponyville is only a train ride away. And a short one at that.”
Dad's muzzle dug into my mane, his stoic presence standing reassuringly beside me, like one of the alabaster columns that lined the great halls of Canterlot Castle.
“Lyra Heartstrings,” he said gently, his voice muffled by my mane as he kissed the top of my head. “Sometimes you say these things that just resonate with ponies. You play beautiful music, but… I can see why you might want more than that.” He let out a great sigh. “Alright, my beautiful filly. If you need four months to find yourself, then four months you’ll get. I’ll get some bits together to help you afford a place of your own.”
He raised a hoof as I started to protest.
“I don’t want any filly of mine living on Ponyville’s streets like a vagabond. I know you were staying in that hostel. You know that’s not the same as having a place of your own. Let me talk to a friend, and I’ll see if I can get something worked out. And! I don’t want you to feel obliged to move back home with dear old mom and dad should you need more time than that.”
“Thank you,” I breathed, feeling like a great weight had been lifted off my withers. “Thank you for believing in me.”
“Of course we do, honey. That’s what parents do. Believe in you when you don’t fully believe in yourself,” Mom said, wiping away a tear from her eyes. “Now… let’s finish eating. Those carrots are getting cold, and I’d hate to see them go to waste!”
Cold carrots had never tasted better.
I saw Bon Bon the next day as I was moving into my new apartment in Ponyville. I nearly dropped my boxes when I realized she was waving at me.
“I hoped you’d come back to Ponyville,” she said with that smile that could melt away the gloom of even the greyest of days. “Moving in?”
“Um, yeah! Er...” I bit my lip as my concentration wavered, nearly spilling the contents of my boxes all over Mane Street. “I mean yes! Just got this place!”
I patted the side of the small, two-bedroom bungalow Dad had helped me rent, before setting the boxes down just inside the threshold of the door.
“Out shopping?” I asked. “Or just taking a quick break from running the shop?”
“Shopping. And breaking. A little of both,” Bon Bon replied with a grin. “And now I feel very lucky! Though I should probably let you finish moving in.”
I looked forlornly at the pile of instrument boxes, books, bookshelves, and luggage that the moving ponies had politely stacked outside of my new home.
“Yeah… I probably should finish getting this inside. Lest the pegasi suddenly decide that all of my stuff needs to be washed.” At Bon Bon’s confused expression, I added, “I read the weather schedule today. There’s supposed to be light showers late this afternoon.”
“Oh, well! Thank you for letting me know!” she said, lightly prodding my shoulder with a hoof. “I should close the windows back at my shop. The breeze has been nice, but I don’t want the rain getting in! But good luck moving in, Lyra! Hopefully, I’ll see you around again soon!”
“Yeah! You too!” I called after her, watching her two-toned tail retreat into the distance. “Wait! You remembered my name!?”
Bon Bon stopped in the middle of the busy street and turned to glance at me.
“Of course I did, silly,” she replied, her voice ringing over the sounds of the crowd. “I told you the whole truth when you walked into my shop a week ago, that I was hoping it was you that walked in. And I got your name! So, of course, I’m going to remember it.”
And with that, she disappeared through the crowded market. I don’t know how long I stared after her, watching the ponies move around me in a blur of colours and beautiful sounds. What I knew for sure was that I spent the rest of the day with a smile on my face. One that not even the afternoon showers could wash away.
I didn’t know if I was going to find some deeper truth about myself in Ponyville. I didn’t know if there was anything wrong with me, or if there was something else going on. Something that made me stare at the worldly things that older ponies seemed to ignore. But I was… happy to be back. And I knew that one day…
...One day I was going to return her truth with one of my own.