//------------------------------// // 28. Royal Wake-Up Service // Story: Zombies to Ponies in Ten Seconds Flat // by 8r0ny //------------------------------// Sleeping is awesome.  It's just so peaceful and relaxing, that being the very nature of sleep and all.  But all good things must come to an end, and being important just brought that about sooner than I was used to.  It was pretty common to be awoken early in the morning now. Hell, I’m pretty sure waking me up was a job that was passed about the community.  This time, however, it was a little different. I was pulled from my blissful rest not from the usual, “Wake up Shawn”  called from the doorway of my room, but rather the movement of my bed as someone laid down next to me.  They tried to be stealthy, but my former life had made me a very light sleeper. Instead of letting my bed intruder know I was awake, I decided to play along.  It was still dark out so I knew it wasn’t quite time to awake yet. Surprise 2.0 came when a second form entered my bed.  Now I decided to keep my wakefulness a secret for entirely different reasons.  I was flanked by two individuals, neither of them touching me but rather content to lay next to me silently.  After a minute or so of stillness I risked a peak. To my right was white, and to my left was dark blue. However it seemed I wasn’t quite as sneaky as I thought. “Ever so sorry Shawn,”  Celestia said quietly. “We didn't mean to wake you.” “Feel free to go back to sleep.”  Luna added… “Umm, ok.”  I started a little confused.  “I guess I will, no need to be strangers though, pile in.” The last part was mostly a joke, the kind I felt would get luna to blush and Celestia to giggle.  However they decided to take my advice, joining me under the covers and snuggling close. “Hmm, it’s been a while since I’ve been with a stallion.  I hope I can satisfy.” Celestia whispered cheekily into my ear. “And first time with a changeling and human too!”  Luna added failing to hide her giggle. Well, that didn't go as planned...but there's still salvaging this. “Don’t worry your pretty pony heads, I’ll take lead and show you how it's done.”  I said smiling at the two princesses in my bed...never thought I’d say that. “Ohh, and he’s commanding.  I suppose I can be submissive just this once.”  Celestia said coyly. “First close your eyes.”  I started, whispering softly.  “Then clear your mind, excess thoughts will just get in the way.” They both closed there eyes as instructed, how far would they go with this?  They didn’t know what I had planned. “And now relax, and keep relaxing...and continue relaxing.”  I said, each pause getting longer and phrases getting quieter.  “And finally, go to sleep.” I was startled by a light snore coming from Luna.  Huh, guess she has been up all night. Celestia just giggled a bit before settling in for a nap. “I guess I can take a quick snooze before I need to raise the sun.”  She said sighing. “Just don't over sleep, it’s kind of important.”  I said quietly, not wanting to wake Luna. “Worry not, I've had this job for milenia and only messed up three times.  Two were Discords fault.” She said. “And the last?”  I asked. “I had been up the past month and a half with political dealings.  They just wouldn't leave me alone and when I finally got some rest I may have overslept a little.”  She said being vague. “A little?  What happened?”  I asked curiously. “Well the problem wasn't raising the sun, I did that before I got any sleep.  But no one could wake me for the lowering. Luna improvised by pulling the moon in front of the sun for the night.  I awoke the next day to ponies saying that it was a unique holiday or something. We played it off as on purpose but it didn't go over well so we dropped it.”  She explained. “Well that's interesting.”  I said a little lost for words.  “Let's not relive that.” “That was thousands of years ago.  No one remembers now except for Luna and I.  And now you know as well, don’t tattle on me.”  She said grinning. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”  I said closing my eyes and getting comfy. “I’m asleep.” It wasn’t long before I was actually back asleep with the two princesses sandwiching me in my bed.  Yes I’m going to play this one out, how often can you say you slept with the solar diarchs of Equestria?  That's what I thought.     Morning part 2, electric boogaloo, came too soon for my taste.  Luna was still out cold next to me but Celestia had left to raise the sun.  It wasn't her leaving that awoke me but instead an energetic knock at the door. “Come in.”  I said, not even thinking about the fact that Luna was still beside me.  “Quietly please.” The door opened to reveal a jagged mane of blues and those unmistakable glasses. “Ahh, Miss Scratch.”  I greeted pleasantly. “What brings you here so early?” “A little birdie told me you had...a...club.”  She trailed off noticing Lunas sleeping form next to me.  “Is this a bad time?” “Not at all.”  I said laughing a bit.  “But let's continue this conversation outside as to not awaken her wrath.” She nodded and waited for me to untangle myself from the sheets and make my way outside.  But not too much longer after before her usual, some would say abrasive, nature came forth. “Already hooking up with the Princess I see.”  She started. “I guess you are a king, even if you don’t act like one.” “Princesses.”  I corrected. “Tia had just left before you arrived, raising the sun is kind of important you know.” “Wow, when you play, you play for keeps.”  She said nudging my side. “Please, I would never play with a mares heart.”  I faux swooned. “And that's all they are in my eyes, big mares.” “Who’s a big mare?”  An ominous voice from behind queried. “Now Miss Scratch, I do believe this is the point you clear up any misconceptions of our conversation before I am reduced to a smear on the sun.”  I said quickly, not bothering to turn around to look at Celestia. “How could you Shawn?”  Vinyl said containing her laughter.  “Slander of both Princesses!” “What's that Chloris?”     I said loudly.  “You need me for some obscure reason right away?  Well it can't be helped, gotta go!” I made it all of about fifty feet before the thundering hooves of the tyrant caught up to me.  I knew I didn't stand a chance, but all I could think was get away! “I have you now knave.”  Tia said grabbing me in her magic.  “You shall taste my wrath!” “I do believe we are setting a bad example of how to behave in public.”  I said guestering at the few people (still people in my head) that gave us the briefest of glances.  They were pretty used to our antics by this point. “Look how they stare, what will they say!?” “Perhaps we should take this elsewhere.”  Celestia said grinning. “Or maybe we could just drop it altogether?”  I pleaded. She just grinned before we winked out of existence.  In typical teleportation fashion, Celestia was fine, and I lay sprawled out on the floor, head spinning. “Will I ever get used to that?”  I asked rhetorically. “I don't even know which way is up..” I glanced around, was I floating?  No, I was on the “ground” but there was nothing there, just space.  And not like Luna space but void. “Well in the Aether there really isn’t an ‘up’ persay.”  Celestia giggled, walking upside down now. “The ground is only as you perceive it.” I just sat there, afraid to think about it lest I be hurtled into nothing. “Well that's bad cuz I’m dumb.”  I said flatly. “What possessed you to take us to this Aether place anyhow?”     “Just wanted to show off my amazing power is all.”  She said winking. “This place is considered sacred to ponies.  It's really nothing special, just that only Alicorns can get in and out.” “But I’m a changeling.”  I deadpanned. “So shouldn't I not be here?” “It’s just that you can't get here by yourself.”  She sighed. “Any Alicorn has access and they can bring as many ponies as they can teleport if they wish.” “Oh.”  I said simply.  “So an Alicorn escape.  I can dig it.” “Chloris” I said over the mental link.  “Can you hear me?” “Yes... why do you ask?”  She said a bit confused. “You have some minimal tracking over me right?”  I asked. “I can get a general feel for what direction you’re in.”  She said still confused. “Do that real quick, I wanna test something.”  I said grinning. “What are you up to?”  Celestia questioned. “You look like you were communicating with someone, were you contacting Chloris?” “Yup, I was curious as to if it would work or not.”  I explained. “Interesting.”  She replied. “I’ve never had a Changeling here before so I would have never known if that worked or not.” “I’m confused.”  Chloris said over the link.  “I should be standing on top of you right now but you aren’t here.” “And now?”  I said after taking a few steps to my left. “You moved, but I still don't see you.  What's going on?” “Celestia kidnapped me and now she’s holding me hostage.”  I said jokingly. “She can't find you can she.”  Celestia said knowingly. “I have had somepony try and locate me with a tracking spell once.  They said I should have been right in front of them but instead I was here.” “Hmm, spatial overlap or just crazy magic shenanigans.”  I commented. “So if there’s no reason to be here, can we go back?  I don't like this whole perceived ground thing.” “I suppose.”  Celestia sighed.  “My stallions never want to stay even though we could get away with anything in here and nopony would know…” “You dirty mare.”  I chided. “What would your ponies think of you hauling a king away with impure intents.” “Who said they had to know.”  She said winking and giggling.  “Haven't you ever thought of fooling around in zero gravity?” With that my “perceived ground” all but vanished and I was left flailing.  She said that I made the ground, yet here she goes and overrides what I think and makes us float.  She lazily spiraled around me just barely holding in her laughter. She can be a right cunt sometimes. “Wouldn’t it be grand?”  She continued, still giggling.  “Who’s on top when there is no up?” “Well with no gravity or surroundings, you’re the largest mass.  Meaning wherever you are is down, so I’m always on top.” I said sticking my tongue out.  I had given up my flailing and now just floated listlessly. “Ouch.”  She said frowning, drifting behind me once more.  “I know I’m old but I still have feelings.” “My b, I didn’t mean anything by it.”  I said trying to turn and face her. “Sometimes my banter can go a little to far.  Ut I don't realize it until it happens.” “I’m joking.”  She said circling around to my front again.  “But it’s nice to know you do have a softer side.” “O you daft turd, I should have known”  I pouted. “Soft side?  Hell, I’m like ninety percent squishy.” “Shawn, are you ok?”  Chloris said over the link.  “You’ve been quiet for a while.” “Yah, I’m fine.”  I replied.  “Celestia should bring me back any minute now.” “Chloris is worried.”  I said to Celestia. “Can we go back now?” “O, I wouldn't want her to get jelous.”  She said smirking. “We must make haste.” And without even letting my whooves hit the “ground” we were teleported back.  Pulled through a singularity, stretched beyond time, etc. Just because I knew what to expect didn't make it any more pleasant.  Upon arriving back in the real world, I noticed a lot of noise. Like my ears hurt it was so much noise...and there was screaming.  And on top of that I was in pain. “Shawn!”  I heard both Celestia and Chloris call out. I couldn't reply, I was still under the side effects of the teleport, that and the pain in my left hoof was getting worse and worse.  Just as my vision was clearing from the light, there was dark creeping in from the sides. It took all the effort I had to say anything, and all I managed to get out was one short word. “Fuck…”  And I passed out.