"Dragons aren't hot," Twilight screamed to the purple alicorn staring back at her from the mirror. "Dragons are another species altogether, they are not hot! Spike's a dragon, do you find him attractive, no... Well, maybe... No!"
The princess smacked her forehead with a forehoof, wincing as she twanged her horn. For the third time today she was alone in her bedchambers, arguing with the mirror again. For an hour now she'd been here, and it had been like this every evening for the past few days. There was just something wrong, but she couldn't tell what. It had all started about a week ago. She didn't know why or how, but she'd started seeing the dragons in her life in a new light.
Spike, for one. Far from the little hatchling she'd known growing up, her number one assistant had matured into a handsome young drake. In fact, he was just as much royalty as she was, having become the mate to Dragonlord Ember only a year ago. Now he was getting ready to have a family of his own, dragon mating season had just passed and Twilight was pretty sure they had eggs on the way.
And here you are, Twilight, thinking about his tail, the princess thought, the image of his fine purple flank swaying as he walked. No, no I am not, brain! She thwacked her head again. Okay, okay, how about Ember's then? Whoever said you had to stick to males?
Twilight choked, the eyes of her doppelganger in the mirror going wide as she mentally tumbled over her own thoughts. Come to think of it, blue was a very nice color. Plus, she's so slim, sharp and fierce. So strong and...
"Oh by Celestia, what is wrong with me!" the alicorn cried as she levitated over a pillow and buried her face in it.
She was a pony, not a dragon. While she may not be one hundred percent straight, she was still into ponies. She liked fur, flowing manes, fluffy tails, flanks... Spines, scales and...
"No, no, no... Come on, Twilight. Stop thinking about dragons' butts for one moment!" she hissed into the mirror, slapping her face. "What's with me, dragon mating season was days ago, maybe it's something to do with that?" She lifted a hoof to her chin. "No, I'm not a dragon. Damn it, I'm into ponies for Celestia's sake!"
Not even during her most intense estruses had she been this crazy. Only, instead of a sexual drive to procreate, it was more of a burning curiosity. There was no buzzing between her flanks, nor an urge to breed keeping her up at night. She just couldn't stop thinking about it... Those smooth scales, rough leathery wings.
"Stop it, stop it!" Twilight growled, sinking low as her ears burned. Maybe it was just a phase and she'd get over it. She had to admit there had been a few times she'd been curious about other creatures, there was that whole trip through the mirror for one. Plus, she had to admit she often found zebras exotic, griffins too sometimes.
Taking a deep breath, Twilight finally sighed and tore herself away from the mirror. Her muscles ached and her stomach growled, all just many more peculiar afflictions she couldn't put her hoof on. She trudged over to the end of her bed and flopped down with her back against the covers.
"Maybe it's just me, am I really that lonely? I've never really wanted a partner before?" she mumbled to herself, tapping her forehooves together. Then she sighed once more. "I guess I'll just practice some more, that ought to take my mind off of things."
Flaring her horn she levitated a book over from her bedside drawer. 'Advanced Transformation Spells: Vol. VI'. read the cover as Twilight flicked through the pages.
"Partial limb transformation, internal transformation, memory transformation... dragon transfor..." She stopped herself mid mumble, closed the book and sat up in a flash.
Looking back at her was a wall of crystal and her dresser, a set of glistening gemstones resting upon it. By Celestia, Twilight, you think of dragons one more time and...
The princess cocked her head. Did those rubies look more sparkly than usual? Levitating her book aside, Twilight stood up and crept over to the dresser. She stopped only a few hoof steps away, considering her actions as she regarded the gemstones.
What am I doing? she asked herself, biting her bottom lip. Her mouth felt dry, she needed taste, flavor, something more. Her stomach growled. Then there was a knock at the door and she froze, standing stiff as a board for a second before the large doors to her room creaked open.
"Twilight, hey, Twilight, you in here still?" came the voice of her former student, Starlight Glimmer.
Shaking her head free from her dragon obsessed stupor, Twilight swiftly pivoted, manufacturing a wide smile for the lilac mare.
"Right here, Starlight. You know there's hardly anywhere else for me to be these days," she called, voice a little more shrill than she intended.
Starlight sighed. "What's that supposed to mean? I've been looking all over for you," the unicorn informed her as she trotted over.
Look there, Twilight. She's a pony, a mare, with fur, a horn, and a mane. Is she not pretty, sexy even? She's powerful too, wonderful personality once you get to know her. Please, please have some attraction to her! The princess's brain went on as Starlight's gaze narrowed.
"Hey, are you feeling okay, Twilight? You seem a little, frazzled?" her former student asked, and Twilight ran a hoof through her messy mane.
"What! I'm fine, perfectly fine, why wouldn't I be?" Twilight blurted with a small laugh. Then she swallowed and added."Just a little anxiety, that's all. I think it's to do with... Well, mare things."
"Okay," Starlight responded unsurely, taking a small step back. "I mean to be fair, I hate my distracting biology too, so if you want me to leave you alone I can just..."
"No, no, it's fine," Twilight swiftly interrupted, finally sitting down to stop her jitters. "What was it you wanted me for?"
"Well, you see, we've all been invited to a party with AJ and Rainbow tomorrow evening. They're celebrating their second wedding anniversary, after all," Starlight elaborated.
Twilight gasped, pressing a hoof to her head. "Oh, by Celestia, how could I forget? It's seriously been two years!" She shot up and darted over to her dresser. "I'm going to need something to wear. Oh ponyfeathers, most of that stuff was ruined when we had that transfiguration accident!"
Starlight blushed, crossing her forehooves as she bowed her head slightly. "Yeah, sorry about that," she admitted.
"Oh, don't be, Starlight. It wasn't your fault, and I'm sure Trixie will get better with you teaching her." Twilight waved the issue away with a wing as she stuck her head into a drawer.
"Well, I guess I didn't marry her for nothing," Starlight admitted with a laugh. "So you're going to be coming then, I'm pretty sure they invited everypony."
At Starlight's last comment, Twilight's head shot up, a wayward saddle sitting atop it. "Everypony is going to be there?" she asked, and Starlight shrugged.
"Everypony who can make it, I assume. Me, Trixie, Fluttershy, Pinkie, Rarity and whoever she's dating right now." Starlight twiddled a hoof. "Plus Spike and Ember, considering they're here this month, and maybe some of Rainbow's fans will show up, you know how it is?" she added.
Twilight's left ear twitched and she looked up to see her face, a mask of awkward silliness, in the dresser's mirror sitting right in front of her. Spike and Ember are going to be there? Oh, by Celestia that does complicate things, doesn't it Twilight?
"You sure you're okay, Twilight?" Starlight pressed, edging closer.
Twilight abruptly turned around, wide smile as brittle as sugar glass. "I'm fine Starlight, really. No need to worry about me whatsoever," she declared, chuckling as she waved away any issues with a forehoof.
Starlight took a deep breath but nodded. "If you say so, but with all the magic we've been doing recently you should really be careful. You know, cool down and warm up sessions? No potions afterward, transfiguration can have..."
"A lot of unknown side effects, I know. I'm aware of spectral tethers, soul-rending and everything else, Starlight, thank you," Twilight finished as she hopped away from the dresser and sighed. "I think I just need some rest, my mind's all over the place."
"Isn't everypony's right now? Marriages, families, not exactly something I saw myself doing when we first met," Starlight chuckled, nudging her former mentor's side.
"Yeah, well you have to admit you are not the best at first impressions. We're both kinda like that," Twilight joked, and the pair shared a laugh before Starlight gave the princess a small hug and turned to the door.
There, look at her butt, Twilight. Look at it move, wiggle and... Nothing, seriously? Her mind raced before she slammed a mental door into the face of such thoughts. She's married, you pervert!
"You know if you need to talk, I'm here too? I mean, if you'd want to talk to one of the others first I'd understand, but..." Twilight lifted a forehoof, cutting Starlight off as she stood between the ajar doors.
"You'd be the first to know, especially if it involved magic." Starlight practically beamed.
"So we still on for more transfiguration work tomorrow morning then?" she asked and Twilight bit her bottom lip.
"Not sure, I think I'll have to go see Rarity about something to wear tomorrow night. How about you take the day off, spend some more time with Trixie," the alicorn suggested.
"Fair enough. Well, good night Twilight," Starlight said before she vanished through the door and it slid shut, sealing with a clunk.
Twilight let out a long breath she didn't even realize she'd been holding. A whole ten minutes with her and not even one thought about how beautiful she was? Wow, Twilight, I'm sure you've ogled her at least once before, married or not.
With a weary groan, the princess dragged herself onto her bed and slumped into the covers. "This has to be a mid-life crisis or something? Can alicorns even have those?" she wondered as she rolled onto her back and pressed her forehooves over her eyes.
In the corner of her sight, however, something glimmered. She shifted a hoof to peer over at the gemstone sitting on the dresser and almost subconsciously licked the inside of her dry mouth.
Why does it look so bright, so pretty? Why in Equestria do I want it so much? She thought, yet tucking her tail between her hind legs and curling into a ball, she heaved the covers over herself and dove into the gloom.
Sleep would set her free, of course it would, she didn't have to think about rubies or dragon butts when she was asleep. That was all she could assure herself as she rubbed her tail for what felt like hours, flashes of scales, swaying tails, strong wings and hordes of treasure going through her mind before she finally staggered her way into a rough sleep.
*******
The pillow was hard, but still a pillow. It was odd, it felt like it should be the most uncomfortable perch in the world and yet it was so warm and cozy there was no way she'd ever want to move. Rolling onto her side, she stroked the hard surface with a hoof, only for it to jingle and slide away. There was a clatter, like that of bits falling from saddlebags. Still, her lazy eyes did not open, at least until something sharp poked her side.
"Twilight," mumbled a vaguely familiar voice, yet in the lucid soup of her half-sleeping state, she couldn't put her hoof on from where.
"No, five more minutes... or hours... months maybe," she groaned, pushing in the offender's direction with a hoof. "Ooo, I could just lay here forever."
She rolled onto her back, feathered wings spreading wide over the comfy mound as she curled her hooves up against her chest and snuggled down. There was a sigh somewhere in the distance, then another jingling clatter as a dark shadow loomed over her.
"Come on, Twi. It's time to wake up," prompted that voice again, and before she could protest a second time the sensation of claws tickling her underside lurched her awake.
Her grunts and moans were replaced by a laughing fit of giggling and flailing legs as she rolled and tried to kick her attacker away. The jingling mass under her started to give way as she squirmed, and before she could slip down any of the mound's sides she finally sat up, gasping as she clenched her chest.
"Since when was that a good way to wake somepony up? I was so comfy there I..." She let a hoof slip down to press what she was sitting on.
Now she was awake it didn't feel so hospitable. Hard edges and gnarled bumps dug into her rump and she looked down to see she was sitting on a pile of golden bits, jewels, and gemstones. With a shrill yelp, the alicorn hopped to her hooves, wings ruffling as she peered down the slopes of the mountainous pile of treasure she'd been resting atop of.
"What? Where in Equestria did all of this come from?" the princess exclaimed, her restless hooves causing more of the gold to slip away.
"What do you mean, Twi? I got it all for you, remember? Only the best for my little pony princess," came that voice, and Twilight winced.
There was a shift atop the pile and she went as stiff as a board, limbs almost creaking like an ill-kept door as she pivoted. Now that she was actually awake, that voice didn't seem all that hard to recognize.
"S–Spike?" Twilight stammered as she looked around to see the large, purple scaled dragon sat stoically on the edge of the mound, a glow akin to Celestia's sun at his back. She felt a growing flutter in her chest and her lungs instantly demanded her air intake increase.
The dragon smiled, sharp white teeth flashing like sparkling diamonds. Twilight felt her legs quiver like jelly as she stared at his wings. "Well, yeah. Who else were you expecting, Twi? This is your fantasy, isn't it?" Spike asked.
Twilight opened her muzzle to protest, jabbing a hoof at the handsome drake. All that escaped her mouth, however, was a series of dry stutters. Words caught like cotton buds in her throat and she ultimately choked.
Come on, Twilight, this has to be some kind of dream... No, no, nightmare! I mean, really? This is Spike, get over it already! She rubbed the back of her neck, resisting the dragon's almost magnetic pull on her. Really, Twilight? Can you resist those scales, that smile... Those strong, muscular wings?
"N–no... I–I, I'm sorry, Spike... I wasn't expecting to see you here, I mean... I..." Twilight's words failed her yet again as the dragon stood up and marched over. "Oh, by Celestia, now you're coming over... Haha, I... I..." Her breathing grew more intense as she tried to back away, uncontrollably ogling the dragon. "I–I never noticed how tight your thighs are..."
Twilight pressed her forehooves over her mouth with an eep, only to return to a statue-like state as Spike wrapped a wing around her before she could tumble off of the hoard. "Well, I do like to keep myself looking good for my Twiley-Wiley."
Twilight gulped, cheeks burning red hot as she dared to glance up at the dragon peering down at her with lidded eyes. Damn, he's so... So hot! It's fine, Twilight, just breathe. Remember what Celestia told you, there's no wrong way to fantasize!
"T–That... That's great, Spike... I–I really appreciate it, but you see, I really have no idea why I'm feeling like this soooo..." the alicorn trailed off, staring off into the pale white oblivion surrounding their mountain of gold.
Spike let out a low growl, smoke streaming from his nostrils. "Really, Twi? You sure, I thought that you really cared? I mean, what will the foals think?"
Twilight's head gaze back to the dragon like a whip. "Foals? What foals?" she demanded, blood draining from her blushing cheeks.
Spike smiled and from over his shoulder appeared a pair of purple foals. A lilac scaled filly, and a deep, midnight purple coated colt. Both had draconic wings, spiked tails, scaly hooves, and horns. Both looked at her with slitted, emerald eyes, their fanged muzzles split with giddy smiles seconds before they pounced.
"Mommy!" called the duo as they collided with Twilight, clawed hooves wrapping around her midsection as she rolled back with a yell.
The foals almost seemed to burst into purple mist on contact with her, yet collided with just enough force to send the princess rolling back. Twilight's hooves flailed as she was sent tumbling down the hoard with a series of chiming clatters, yelps of pain, and flapping wings. Moments later, she finally hit something solid with a dull thud. She groaned as her muzzle slammed into the flat, white nothingness. She kept her eyes closed as more bits and gemstones fell upon the invisible surface around her, the odd lavender feather drifting down along with the glittering shrapnel.
Having finally popped open one eye, there was another shadow looming over her, how wonderful.
"Twilight Sparkle?" sounded a voice that certainly wasn't Spike.
Twilight hinged open her other eye and looked ahead across the white expanse to see a pair of bluish-silver shoes adorning a pair of deep blue hooves before her.
Twilight peeled her muzzle off of the floor and glanced up. "Princess Luna? Oh, thank Celestia, this really is a dream," she sighed in relief.
Luna cocked her head, ethereal mane waving in an eternal breeze as she raised an eyebrow. "Quite so, Twilight." The princess of the night glanced up at the monstrous mountain of gold. "Though, do forgive me for saying, but it would seem you have a gold problem, Princess," she observed.
"You don't say," Twilight deadpanned as her face once again hit the floor.
Luna lifted a hoof to her chin, looking up to inspect the golden monolith of treasure. "Usually I'd assume you have a desire for great wealth, yet after what I just observed it would seem you have a different need. One that I'd usually attribute to the dreams of aging fillies and colts."
"Okay, that's enough information, thank you!" Twilight suddenly exclaimed, shooting Luna a dangerous look and waving her forelegs.
Luna paused, slightly dumbstruck as she regarded Twilight. The princess of the night had been through an uncountable amount of dreamscapes in her time, yet she'd never thought she'd see this in the dreams of the princess of friendship in a million moons. The midnight alicorn lifted a hoof to her muzzle again, snickering.
"What's so funny?" Twilight grumbled, sitting up, crossing her forelegs, and pouting.
"You know being attracted to somepony is nothing to be ashamed of, Twilight," Luna offered, but her words only made the lavender alicorn's frown grow.
"Somepony, sure! But that's just it!" she declared, throwing up her forelegs. "I've known most of my life that I was into both mares and stallions, I was okay with that. But this... this has come out of nowhere, I think I'm going mad!" She slumped again, brow furrowed. "I don't see how this can get any worse!"
Twilight huffed, and just like that a dark cloud swirled into existence over her head, then it started to rain.
The alicorn's lavender mane drooped into a sheet over her face, and she blew a clump aside with a snort. "You have got to be kidding me!"
Luna once again bit back a laugh, before graciously blowing the cloud away. "Dragons, ponies, mares, stallions... It's all the same, really. I know my sister and I have had the occasional scandalous swing with all kinds of creatures," she assured the sulking, wet mare with a wink.
Twilight looked at her fellow princess like the midnight mare was a complete stranger. "I really don't think that's something I want to hear any more about," she retorted.
Luna hummed, drawing in close to Twilight with a sly smile. "You know, maybe you're just lonely? I know how hard an alicorn's immortal life can be." She wiggled her sparkling eyebrows. "Maybe I can help with that."
Luna wrapped a wing around the wet mare and sidled up to her. Locked sitting in a sidelong embrace, Twilight went rigid again. Yet the sensation of fur and not scales against her body was at least a welcome one. Finally, the princess of friendship took a deep breath and straightened herself. Luna's butt slid across the featureless white ground, her face like that of a confused puppy as Twilight gently shoved her away.
"Thank you, Luna. While I appreciate the offer, I think I should really try to figure this out on my own," Twilight insisted, and Luna looked defeated for a moment before she shrugged.
"As you wish, Twilight. I'm not one to tell my fellow princesses how to go about dealing with their problems," Luna responded, rubbing a silvery slipper against her fluffy chest. "I'm sure as cute as you are, you'll have no issue finding a cure for this lovesickness."
At Luna's wink, Twilight stammered, going almost as red as she had done talking to Spike's fantasized apparition. "I–I... I... Are you like this with everypony's dreams?"
Luna appeared to consider that for a moment, then ruffled her feathers, eyes lidded. "Only with ponies I like."
"Oh, dear Celestia, what's wrong with me?" Twilight asked, dragging both forehooves over her face, stretching her eyelids as she groaned.
"Loneliness, it's a simple explanation. You know you really should come to one of my sister's after dark balls. They're to die for." Luna smirked, and Twilight paled, dreams literally shattering and falling like dusty snow around her.
Finally, Luna stood up, dusting herself off with a wing. "Nevertheless, this is where I must take my leave, Twilight. I do hope we see each other again soon." Luna patted her fellow alicorn's shoulder. "And I'm sure you’ll get this little mess of yours sorted out in no time. Who knows, maybe the answer may be closer than you think."
There was a flash, and just like that Luna was gone. Twilight slumped, closing her eyes. When they flickered open again she was presented with a diagonal view of her mattress. She was plastered against her bed, butt in the air and both bedraggled mane and rumpled bed sheets drooped over her face.
Twilight huffed. "Good morning, Twilight," she muttered to herself, glancing to her window to see beams of sun darting in from the edges of her curtain. "There's something seriously wrong with you."
Really, you don't say? A small, lavender alicorn in her head responded as she grabbed a pillow and pressed it into her face with a loud groan. This can't seriously be what lovesickness is.