Not long after Anon's departure, you and your sister discussed the past, upon her insistence. While an altogether unpleasant reflection, it at least seemed to help straighten your thoughts out and get everything in order. Celestia tread lightly when it came to asking questions, but pushed on nonetheless, and at least appeared to take some good out of hearing your side of the tale. Even so, with everything that had happened surrounding Anon and what you did, repercussions were in order. You agreed to preside over the kingdom for the next two weeks, giving Celestia a vacation.
In addition, the Canterlot Archives were in desperate need of rearranging, and had been for some time now. Your project for likely the next few months would be to get it all sorted out. All in all, you considered it a light punishment after everything you had done.
Now it was just a waiting game, giving Anonymous some space to fully process and deal with the news you have given him. As a result, you decided to distract your mind by sating curiosity regarding the condition of Twilight Sparkle. Admittedly, your optimism was muted, considering your sister made no mention. But you still wanted to be sure nothing new had been uncovered, and with Celestia likely off to bed, one pony was likely still at work down in the dungeon.
Cadance.
It wasn't that you loathed her company necessarily, it just always felt... awkward being around her. Some of it likely had to do with her being referred to as Celestia's niece - and in turn, you - when in reality there was no blood connection. You didn't understand it, and with Celestia all in on accepting her as family, you couldn't make sense of it, nor tried.
As you figured, you weren't around for what events transpired that led to Cadance's ascension, nor her acceptance as part of the family. Nothing could make that up.
But as you descend the final set of stairs, the realities that have been unleashed upon you over the last several hours have shifted your mind, and in turn, your attitude.
Rather than meet with the normal judgments in your mind, perhaps you should try approaching her with a clean slate. As the pink alicorn comes into your view along your trek down the narrow corridor, it is time to put yourself to the test. You do your best to drag your hooves for some noise, as Cadance lies upon a blanket on the floor, surrounded by books, papers, and faded parchments.
"Princess Cadance, good evening," you say quietly, hoping not to startle her. But with her attention absorbed by the haphazard piles of manuscripts surrounding her, it is inevitable that you see her jolt from your presence, her eyes in an instant snapping from her work to you, wide with astonishment.
"Princess Luna, you are awake," she says, aghast. But with her initial thoughts spoken out loud, she shakes her head free of stupor. "It is good to see you, good evening." With that, she rises to her hooves properly, giving a slight bow in a gesture of respect. Likewise, you return the motion, before turning your attention to the written material strewn about.
"I don't suppose any progress has been made since I was last down here?" you ask. Silently, you kick yourself, deciding you are once again falling into your normal, regal routine without emotion.
"No," she says, her tone flat and dull, lacking the normal optimism her voice normally carries. "I should say, there are some minor notes of interest here and there, but nothing that actually solves Twilight's, er, affliction."
"I would have to say even the smallest bit of information is better than nothing, what did you find?" You take a step closer to her, scanning the document that had held her attention before you arrived.
"Its... older writings, maybe not necessarily even factual," Cadance starts, her voice cracking a bit as out of the corner of your eye, she is surprised by your willingness to listen. "That parchment gives an account of an affliction similar to Twilight's current state. A pony stripped of everything that made the individual - well, an individual. Left just a husk after a changeling invasion and subsequent feeding on a small town. The author describes the change in this individual, 'as if their very soul had been wrenched from their body, left only to basic instinct and command, to serve the monster which had fed upon it.'"
The mere description she gives, while short, sends a chill up your spine, causing you to shiver involuntarily. Yet just from what you have been able to skim read from the worn text, her account leaves out some of the more... graphic details of the feedings. You haven't heard of changelings ever eating the flesh of a victim, but this author paints such a ghastly picture.
"I suppose it's possible, Cadance. We really don't know much about changelings. Encounters in the past, even before the rise of Equestria, have been very limited," you explain, pointing a hoof down to the parchment as you rip your eyes away from it. "This is... I've never heard nor read such a nightmarish account."
"I certainly don't have much experience, other than the disaster that was my wedding," Cadance replies, nodding with an amused grin.
"That's more first-hoof experience than I have, considering I was asleep through most of it," you joke with a slight chuckle.
At once Cadance is brought to a deadpan stare, standing motionless. It is an unnerving change, to say the least.
"What?"
"I'm...I'm just surprised," she finally manages to stammer. "Sorry, I'm just used to formalities when you're around me, this is just, different..." As Cadance trails off, you make the connection where her mind is going and quickly step in.
"I assure you Cadance, I am Princess Luna," you interject. "I'm sorry, perhaps trying a different approach tonight wasn't the best idea considering the circumstances we find ourselves in, but-"
"It's all right, Luna," Cadance says, holding up a hoof to stop you front your defensive rant. "I know it's you. After all, very few ponies would be able to read older writings with such ease like you did. Celestia can, and she taught me. You, of course, well..."
You nod your head, breathing a sigh of relief. "Yes, This older style of literary work is rather fresh in my mind compared to most, considering my own circumstances."
Cadance on nods her head in response, both of you silent for a time while you try to figure out where to go with the conversation from here. But Cadance is the first to speak up.
"I appreciate you opening up a bit more, Princess Luna. I know it's difficult to come back the way you did and everything changed so drastically. Then you add a new face like me into the mix and-"
"I do not blame you, Cadance. It's just been an adjustment I have resisted for some time," you reassure her. "I'm realizing now I've been resistant - no, ignorant - of everything that has occurred. Downright selfishness, to be blunt."
"That might be a bit harsh, Luna. But I get the sense you are not referring solely to your interactions with me," she responds softly. "I don't know what has happened over the last couple days, Aunt Cele - Princess Celestia did not inform me of the details, and I did not press for information. But I did witness your meeting with Anonymous a few days ago. Is everything okay between you now?"
"Other than my self-destructive behavior knocking me down and making an ass of myself?" you ask, your voice lowering to a mutter. Cadance cringes at your self-accusations even as she takes the few steps to meet beside you.
"As I said, I don't know the whole story, nor am I asking for the details," she says, her tone light and comforting. "But by the sounds of it, you haven't forgiven yourself for your past, and it's coming back to haunt you in your personal life, getting between you and Anonymous."
Heavens above, if only she knew...
"From what little time I have had to speak to him, he has a good heart, and he cares deeply for you. I can tell you care deeply for him, you just - you just have to let go, Luna. You need to let go of everything that you once were, because you are not that same pony."
"Yet I find myself in a cycle, back in a position of a downward spiral, at the bottom, Cadance. Am I any different?"
"You need to live and experience the present and open up to Anon. That's what relationships are all about; the bond of two into one, a strengthening of two souls, learning from each other and bettering each other based on trials and tribulations," she argues, her eyes determined to set your mind right. "I suppose I have a bit better understanding considering I am the Princess of Love, but you have to believe me, love changes you. Maybe you do not realize it, but you seeing yourself in a different light, seeing your own follies from the past, you recognize the mistake. It's clearer to you now than it once was. Because maybe in the past, you felt you had nothing, but now you see, there are things to lose if you wander down that path."
You look up at her, listening intently to her words and absorbing them as she continues.
"Fights are all part of the bond as we learn from not only each other, but parts of ourselves we did not know existed. Nopony is perfect Luna. As long as you are open to change, to address the problems you face, you can change. You two can reconcile, and be stronger than ever. But you need to forgive yourself, and let your past mistakes guide you. And opening up to me, I would say you're already beginning to see where you can make changes for the better."
As she finally stops, silence falls over the corridor again, the faint echo of her final words cascading down the halls.
"Are... are you sure you don't know the details of my situation?" you ask, blown away by her wise words. Never having paid her more than passing notice, the wise words of Princess Cadance has truly opened your mind to what you have been missing.
Cadance giggles, her face lightening up into the light and cheery grin you're accustomed to. "Yes, I only base my words on what little I have seen and heard. But I can also reflect back on my own trials with my relationship with Shining Armor," she says. "I'm glad you have found somepony Luna, and I know what you are going through, whatever it may be, can be overcome. It may take some time, but just listening to you now, I can see you feel Anon is worth fighting for, and I wholeheartedly agree."
"Thank you, Cadance. You have given me a lot to think about," you tell her, bowing your head slightly.
"And thank you for allowing me to lend my advice, Luna," she says. But her smile fades away as once again, her eyes dart to the mass of writings before her, as well as the cell containing a dear friend. "I should get back to work. Hopefully, I can help somepony else tonight."
"We will get this sorted out, Cadance, I promise," you tell her. Offering a slight nod in response, her eyes once again bury themselves into ancient texts. With a fresh new perspective and words of wisdom within your mind, you head back upstairs.
As you make your way back into the palace proper, a chilling thought disturbs your calmed mind. It dawns upon you that even though Anon is within the castle walls, he is still vulnerable to the magic and abilities of changelings. At any point, one could pose as a guard, your sister or you once again. You need to find him, for his own safety. Vowing to yourself to only watch from afar, you focus in on Anon's energy to locate him, closing your eyes.
Fortunately, you sense him nearby, letting you breathe a little easier as you head up to your personal quarters at a quick trot. You have a hunch your personal balcony will be a viable spot to locate your friend as the energy draws you in his direction. Sure enough, as you open your eyes and look down, he is safe and sound in the garden.
Though by the looks of it, he is also in discussion with himself. Or at least somepony you cannot see.
It isn't hard to guess who.
But rather than anger, you find yourself with a sense of curiosity. With what you know now, it clear Nightmare is no more of a threat than you are. But why does Anon get along so well with her? He seems to have a lot of trust, which floors you considering his first encounter with your alter ego.
Perhaps it is a question you will ask in due time. But as you watch from afar, you become increasingly impatient. Every ounce of your being wants to go down and apologize, to explain everything, to share the words of wisdom imparted upon you to somehow, some way make this rift between you disappear.
"Luna, are you awake?" you hear Anon call in your mind. Just the sound of his voice makes your heart skip a beat, anxiety mixing with excitement.
I am, you respond, hesitating for a moment as you mull the position you're in. In fact, I am watching over you from my balcony. Please do not be upset.
Even from this distance, you see the surprise upon his face as he cranes his view upward towards you. Giving an awkward wave with your hoof, the link between the two of you lies silent for a time.
"Any particular reason you've been watching me?" he asks, apprehensive.
It occurred to me it may not have been a wise decision to let you roam around the castle grounds, considering the circumstances we find ourselves in, you reply, not missing a beat. I sensed you were out here, so I wanted to make sure you were safe, but from a distance.
"Well, you make a good point," he confesses. "And you were at least honest with me."
It is time I turned a corner and made a change, you say.
"Luna, I want to talk to you," he says flatly.
Is that not what we are doing now? you ask.
"I mean like out loud, in private," he replies, unfazed by your quip. "Both of us together."
You waste not a second more after he finishes, leaping up and over the balcony railing, extending your wings to catch you after a brief swan dive towards the ground. There is no need to even flap your wings, the momentum carrying you in a glide over to Anonymous.
"Well then, that was a show," he comments, somewhat surprised by your display.
"I felt there was no need to delay this any further than we already had," you tell him. Anon motions over towards a stone bench, where the two of you walk and take a seat.
Despite your display of enthusiasm, reality sets in and sends a cold shiver up your spine. What exactly does he want to talk about? Clearly the two of you, but he has shown little to no emotion towards you, making it hard to read his mood. You don't like going into this blind, but there is no choice.
"Luna, I want to start off by saying I'm glad you're alright," Anon says, his eyes focused squarely on you. "I couldn't get through to you in your dream. I couldn't even access it, but fortunately, Nightmare could because..."
"Because she is me, so she knows her way around my mind," you finish for him. "I accept that. I had no idea I was dreaming at all, I thought I was awake the whole time."
"What were you dreaming about? I asked Nightmare but she wouldn't tell me, said she did not like the idea of sharing someone else's private thoughts, which I get."
You aren't exactly thrilled with the prospect of reliving that nightmare in detail, but you suppose sating his curiosity with a bit of information can only help your cause.
"It was a dream of what I have done tonight. Tell the truth," you tell him. "Of course, it did not result in the rather calm situation we find ourselves in now."
Your answer is enough to quench his thirst for information, his gaze dropping down to this hands as he leans forward, resting his good arm upon his legs. It isn't long before you get the question you expected first.
"Why go through all this trouble, Luna? What was the point of this to begin with?" His eyes dart back to you as he finishes, determined and yet reluctant to hear your reply.
"Fear, Anonymous," you blurt out. "Fear of the unknown, fear of rejection. I wanted you to like me, and for whatever reason, I thought this was a well-orchestrated plan that made sense. Now, after everything that's happened, I see it was ludicrous to believe this was the path to your heart."
The infrequent hoots of an owl in the distance is all that breaks the silence that falls after your reply. Anonymous goes back to staring down, as if the ground in front of him holds the response he is searching for.
"So you thought that I would like you because we share a connection like you do with your sister?" he finally responds, pressing for more information. "Why was sticking Nightmare Moon with me part of your plan? Then lying to me about it?"
"She wasn't supposed to fit into the plan, at least not in a conscious state," you reply. "She was merely the piece of me imparted onto you when she tried to wrest control of my body from you."
"Did you think that was really the way to befriend me, rather than just talk?" he asks, looking slightly disturbed. The question makes you feel queasy, but you answer him anyway.
"I guess I did. Now, no. I know it was wrong," you say, practically scolding yourself. "I don't know how to make this up to you, Anon. Perhaps in time... you can forgive me? I understand if you don't want to now, I'm not saying you shouldn't be mad but I-"
As you start to ramble in a frantic attempt to come to some sort of resolution, Anonymous merely raises a finger to his lips, a signal for you to stop.
"Luna, I'm not going to lie, you owe me big time," he says in a stern tone. "This whole time you have been sitting on this, and while the fallout from your initial idea may have been unintentional, it's still pretty crappy that you were angry with me talking to Nightmare, when everything she has said is true."
You hang your head a bit, embarrassed by his words.
No, by your actions. What you did was no way to treat a friend.
"Luna," Anon calls, causing you to look back up at him. His face is solemn, but he has turned his whole body toward you, his arms outstretched.
You hesitate, unsure of what you think you are seeing. It takes a moment before either one of you speaks up.
"Luna, I don't want to be angry with you right now. I just want you. These last few days have been awful, both with the tension between us and then your... long slumber, I guess. Please, let's just put this aside for now," he says, almost begging.
Barely allowing him to finish, you rush into his arms, using your own forelegs to embrace him as he hugs you around your neck.
"I will make it up to you, Anonymous. I swear to it," you mumble, feeling a cooling wave of relief wash over you as he hugs you tighter.
"I know you will Luna," he says, finally letting you go. As you step back, you see the stress and anxiety that once filled his eyes has dissipated as well. "I just don't want any more strife between us, not at a time like this. As I said, the past few days have been hell."
"Yes, I didn't get to discuss the matters at hand regarding Twilight's condition with my sister," you admit, feeling rather uncomfortable as your mind reflects back on the almost motherly lecture Celestia had given you. "I will be making amends for lying to her, as well."
Anon looks as if he is about to speak, but stops himself, just remaining quiet and nodding his head. An uneasiness creeps back into you just a bit. You know he still has more questions about everything that has transpired, as you do. While you want to move on just as much as he does, is sweeping this under the rug for the time being really a good idea?
Both of you have been quick to apologize for each misstep along the journey, quick to move right along to more pleasant situations. Yet here the two of you are again, quick to apologize, to let go of your ire. While it is also not good to hold onto frustration, maybe it should be discussed more thoroughly...
Relationships really are more difficult than what is seen upon the surface, it seems. You have gained enormous respect for Cadance's position tonight.
"Anonymous, while I share your desire to put our transgressions behind us, I think we need to discuss at least some of our problems. Tonight," you announce, drawing a look of surprise and anxiety from your friend. "I know you have questions for me, as I do for you. We keep forgiving each other so easily when we get angry, and yet we keep meeting back in the same situation. I think much of it is because we - well, I, am quick to forget what started the problem in the first place."
Anon's reluctance is palpable, both from his apprehensive body language as well as what seeps through the mind link the two of you share. Even so, you press onward, knowing this is something that should be - no, must be - done.
Please, Anon, you beg him. With great hesitance, Anon silently relents, nodding his head slowly as he exhales.
"As much as I don't want to do this, okay," he laments. "Where do we even start?"
"I want us to alternate questions, and just remain calm. We need to rid ourselves of the soiled clothing we hid from each other," you explain. Much to your surprise, Anon bites his lip, as if silently holding back a chuckle.
"You mean 'dirty laundry,' I'm guessing?" he asks letting a smile creep upon his lips.
"I suppose I do, I still have some catching up to do with common phrases," you admit, the silliness of the acknowledgment relieving some of your own pent up tension. "But I want you to start with what you had on your mind when I mentioned my sister moments ago. I sensed something troubling you."
With your observation, Anon's mood quickly switches back to a serious note, as he runs through his mind what to say before speaking out loud.
"Why didn't you tell your sister about everything that has transpired since realizing the abilities I possess?" he inquires. "We both agreed to fill her in on any new discoveries resulting from our mixup."
You cannot help but cringe at his question, the shame of your blanket of lies covering up the last few months ensnaring you. But, his inquiry, however unpleasant, is justified.
"I thought my own fear of Nightmare Moon was shared with Celestia, and I did not want to think of what my sister would do were she to find out that thing - no, the other side of me, what Celestia would do with that information at hoof," you explain. " I don't really know my logic, I just did not want Celestia to know anything about what was truly going on, and not necessarily because this was ultimately started by me."
"But that thought never occurred to you before you did... well, putting Nightmare with me?" he presses, his tone releasing just a hint of anger.
"No, not really. I don't think there was any rational thought to what I did," you admit.
In all reality, since you have woken nothing from the past few months makes any sense to you. The ideas, the subterfuge through all these events, it all feels as if it was somepony else that has been the culprit. How long has your judgment been clouded by... by what exactly?
"Luna," calls Anon's voice, stirring you from your self-reflection.
"Yes?"
"You've been sitting there staring for a couple minutes now," Anon replies, sliding himself off the bench he has been seated upon and resting instead on the cool grass beside you.
"I'm just realizing I can't justify anything that I have done, Anonymous. None of it makes sense to me. I remember what I did, I remember coming up with the idea to place Nightmare with you, but my reasoning... it's all just a giant mess," you explain, suddenly feeling nauseous as you run everything through your mind, hearing your words out loud.
"Hey, calm down, calm down," Anon urges softly, putting an arm around your neck. "You said you remember everything before your banishment now too, that's a lot to process along with coming to grips with uh, everything else."
At once Anon's attention shifts, his gaze darting from you to something just beyond, on your other side. He remains quiet, listening intently. You keep silent, feeling rather uncomfortable as you find yourself between your friend and an unseen other being, most likely.
"I.. sorry," Anon finally replies as his eyes once again fall upon you. For once, you don't necessarily feel upset, just confused.
So keen on putting your past misdeeds behind you - or rather, distancing yourself from the reality of your actions - Nightmare Moon had always been a silent monster in the back of your mind. But based on your own experience in addition to what you have seen and heard from Anon, Nightmare has been an admittedly decent guide.
Everything truly is upside down from what you know.
"What did... what did she say?" you manage to finally mumble out.
"She thinks she knows what happened, sort of. Like, I get what she's putting out there, I just don't know how to repeat what she just explained," Anon replies, his voice cautious as he studies your face.
"I am not angry, Anonymous," you tell him, much to his relief. "To tell you the truth, I'm a little more open-minded now to what-" You pause, all at once overwhelmingly curious to what exactly is the bond between the two. "What is between you two, Anonymous?"
"Come again?" he asks, unsure of how to proceed.
"Well, I just don't understand the connection between you and Nightmare. I get that she talks to you but after experiencing her torment when you and I switched places, why do you trust her now?"
Instantly your question is stonewalled, Anon quickly looking uncomfortable as he fidgets nervously. Silence befalls the two of you, the hushed ambiance of the night enveloping Equestria the only sound reaching your ears.
"I'm not angry, Anon, I owe Nightmare Moon my thanks, as incredible as it felt saying that," you admit. "I'm merely want to understand what you see in her that I never did, or what I did not allow myself to see."
"I guess like you, I don't really have an explanation," he replies, relaxing just a bit as he sees the sincerity in your curious gaze. However, he pauses, his eyes darting away from you once again before returning. "Apparently she has sort of an explanation for that, too."
"How does she have so many theories?" you blurt.
"To be fair, Nightmare has a lot of time to think," Anon replies with an expectant look to you. It dawns on you instantly that's about all she can do, considering her current state.
"Oh, right," you say, your voice dropping to an apologetic tone.
"Don't fret over it Luna, she's not too offended," Anon reassures you. Somehow, you doubt her response was without some sort of snide remark, but it does not matter.
"Well, now I'm curious as to what she has to say. I don't suppose you're feeling tired at all?" you suggest.
"Considering I haven't slept more than a couple hours at a time the past couple days, you don't have to ask me twice," Anon says. For once you take note of how haggard he really does look compared to normal, the bags under his eyes apparent now as you take in his features.
"Should I just whisk us back to my room, or do you desire a quiet walk back?"
"Why don't we take the time to walk back? I'll say it again, I'm a little mad, but I've missed you more than anything these past few days."
You give a silent nod as he rises to his feet. With a wave of his hand beckoning you to his side, he begins to casually stride back to the castle, and you join him.
It will be a journey to get back his full trust, as you sense in his voice some uncertainty surrounding you.
But Cadance is right.
You're willing to fight, to amend what you've done.
Anon is worth it.