-Jade-
Fizzle was no longer wearing her dress, the tiara being the only thing she was wearing anymore, but I was still in my dapper tuxedo with the skirt.
“Quick, start playing!” I yelled to the nearby Speedy Sax with her mobile orchestra ready to follow us as we landed softly on the unicycle after jumping from the window, feather falling was always useful. “Just try and keep up with us!”
I started wheeling forward across the street towards the wire that was at a thirty degree angle leading up to the rooftops, exactly what I needed. The Squirrels did good work.
For the next thirty seconds or so we’d be light enough to get up the wire, after that we better be on the rooftop or else our weight might snap the wire.
I started rolling the unicycle forward with Fizzle clinging onto my back. I’m so thankful for the training wheels self-sustain effect the unicycle has, you’d have to actually try to fall over.
“There they are, get them!” At the sound of a guard’s rather generic line, I started up the wire as fast as I could peddle with several unicorns firing at us as we made our way up to the rooftops. Here’s hoping that the Wonder Bolts, Shadow Bolts or Pegasus Royal Guards were in position where I needed them to be later.
We managed to get onto the rooftop and just in time too, our weight came back right that second and I had to swerve a bit gain some control as I started rolling across the slanted roof trying not to tip over.
Getting on top of the roofs center, I rolled along as the shots started becoming more numerous in front of and behind us as I pedaled towards an upward curve in the roof. Putting all my weight into it, we jumped from one roof to the next and landed a bit roughly and now we had some forward momentum going here.
We had to do this one more time, despite the fire coming from the unicorns on the ground they weren’t very accurate against a moving target. We hit the next upwards curvature in the roof we were on and I angled to the right jumping the corner to another roof and I rolled along it until I stopped us.
“Jade, why did we… oh.” As you could see Fizzy, I stopped because Spitfire put the trap in exactly the spot I thought she would, the roof was now surrounded by pegasus ponies.
Spitfire was thankfully hovering low enough for me to use the opportunity to do something creative. She opened her mouth to say something, but didn’t get a chance to speak because of what I did next.
I angled us forward and we shot down the angled surface of the roof. We bounced once we hit the edge and launched off towards a surprised looking Spitfire.
Speedy Sax and company passed underneath us still playing the music as we bounced off Spitfire’s skull leaving tire marks on her face and forcing her to slam bodily into the ground below.
We landed on the rooftop across the road from us that would have been too far to reach otherwise and wheeled up the sloped roof and then I let off the pedals once we got over the lip and starting rolling down the other side of the roof.
The pegasus ponies and a few thestral ponies had been caught entirely flat hoofed and were a little too shocked by the maneuver to give chase.
“Fizzy, hold onto me and the unicycle!” Taking my cane into my right hand before we hit the edge of the roof.
We launched off, Fizzy had her front hooves wrapped around my waist and her rear legs tightly around the unicycle.
I swung the cane’s hook in a overhead arc and it hooked around a rope, which we started sliding down at a rapid rate towards the ground and the street where the lower end was. We’d be near the alleyway I needed to stop at now.
I had prepared thoroughly for this escape, because how else was I going to outrun a bunch of ponies on a unicycle with Fizzle’s extra weight slowing us down?
“Keep it beneath us Fizzy!” We were coming close to the ground, I swung us to the right, then sharply to the left and we unhooked from the rope and slapped against the ground.
During this Fizzle climbed back up to hugging my chest, her hind legs wrapped around my waist. Holding onto my hat with my left hand, I kept my feet off the pedals as we were moving at a really insane speed thanks to the momentum from the rope.
This helped us lose them for a bit and gave us some breathing room to perform a trick, once we started slowing down I put my feet on the pedals and started working them rapidly. I then stopped at a rather specific alleyway on the right.
I smiled as I created a clone using the hydra scale, then clone me appeared in front of us. She quickly took up the other waiting unicycle and a body pillow suspiciously shaped like Fizzle and then she wheeled her way out of the alleyway with a bright smile on her face.
We stayed in place as several unicorn guards and flyers ran by chasing my clone. I then wheeled our way into the opposite alley way and on to the end of it and waited at the street looking up the road.
Speedy Sax and her crew stopped right next to us and kept playing the music, though they looked curious as to why we were sitting still. I held up a claw and pointed uphill for them, they saw what was happening and they all grinned a bit.
-Clone Jade-
I wheeled myself into the dead end, my real self was already in position for another miraculous escape. I hit the fuse and turned around. When I saw the guards closing in on me, I raised my claws to pinch myself on the arm and then held my hands up in surrender.
The guards all moved forward as once and went to dogpile me, I of course ceased to exist a second later as I dispersed into motes of light.
“Darn it, how did she do that… also… what’s that hissing sound?” One of the older guards asked after they realized that the cat had escaped them, the guard looked towards the body pillow shaped like Fizzle and saw the fake horn with a fuse inching its way into the head of the snuggle toy. “Darn it all, I was three days from retirement.”
-Fizzle-
A huge explosion and a blue gaseous mushroom cloud went up in the distance. I was wondering why the fake me had what looked like an off color dynamite stick for a horn. The rising mushroom shaped cloud of blue powder rising into the air in the distance showed signs of mom’s involvement in this.
“We’ve got you now!" The pink furred Shining Armor shouted at us with a different squad of unicorns, pegasus and earth ponies. "You didn’t get away last time and you aren’t getting away this time Jaded!”
We had been sitting still in the middle of the road, what exactly was Jade waiting for?
-Jade-
“Shouldn’t you do something about that runaway carriage first?” I pointed behind Shining as I prepared my cane for my next maneuver.
“Yeah right, like we’re going to fall for…” I would like to think Shining was smarter than that.
“Look out!” One of the guards behind Shining stated as they dove out of the way. Not having enough time to create a strong enough barrier, Shining too rolled off to the side as the carriage moving at a breakneck speed went past him and us.
In this moment I held out the cane and having hooked ourselves onto the carriage, I used the momentum to flip us both on top of it.
I tipped my top hat to Shining while holding up my cane in salute to him as I balanced on a unicycle on top of an out of control carriage going downhill, my smile was likely insufferable.
Okay, it was definitely insufferable. I had practiced doing this trick for days and Fizzle’s weight almost threw me off, but I had corrected myself well enough.
The pegasus and thestral ponies started giving chase as they dove downhill after us. Speedy Sax and company had started moving ahead of us when they saw the carriage coming closer.
“Off my back Fizzle, I’ll tell you when to get back on.” Having climbed off of me, I stayed on the unicycle. I wasn’t getting off until the performance was complete. “Don’t use any holds against the ten incoming, we’re fighting them off!”
The first thestral came in low and angled for me, Fizzle slid into position and bucked him in the chin making him backflip in the air and flop to the ground.
A pegasus tried to get Fizzle for that, I rolled forward and brought my cane around in a golf swing that got them in the chin knocking them off to the side and into a tree.
Spitfire, or technically Spite Fire, came screaming in at me. I held up the cane, caught a clothes line on the tip of the hook and then released it once it stretched out enough. I smirked at Spitfire.
“Oh buck yoooooooo….!” Her voice faded out into the distance, where I saw a twinkling star beyond the mountain.
I quickly took out three caltrops from my pack and cast each one. I hit a pegasus and two thestrals with the casts as they turned skywards to avoid hitting the ground. They kept going skywards in an uncontrollable manner, three pegasus ponies broke off to try and find out why the others were ceasing to chase us, they’d find out it was entirely involuntary on their part.
The carriage jolted as it hit the bottom of the hill and started coasting on the straightaway through restaurant row and from there our last stunt would take place.
Standing on her rear hooves Fizzle socked the remaining chasing Wonder Bolt across the face with two quick hooks, a left and a right, then she threw a hard left uppercut that almost stopped the pegasus cold in midair and they fell into a nearby cabbage stand unconscious.
“My cabbages!” I just rolled my eyes at that poor vendors wares being destroyed and fired a magic missile at the remaining thestral pony.
“Not again!” The thestral managed to state before my magic missile blasted her in the face, she spiraled off to the side and managed to catch herself before she hit the ground. She still landed while clutching at her face.
“Back on me Fizzy, now!” I swerved the unicycle around to point forward.
“Jade, this has been one heck of an adrenaline rush.” As Fizzle climbed up onto my back, she saw what was ahead of us.
A bunch of wooden logs in the road, which was to stop the carriage from hurting anyone once it flipped over. The Squirrels had already gotten all the ponies out of our path of egress. “If we die, I blame you.”
“Sounds fair.” I clenched my butt and my flicked my tail, timing was everything!
I started rolling us backwards and then forwards at full speed towards the front of the carriage. That was when it hit the logs causing it to flip.
This launched us forward at incredible speeds towards a large, innocuously placed, metal ramp leading off the side of Canterlot.
I took my feet off the pedals and clasped my feet onto the unicycle before we hit the road, the pedals were a blur and Fizzle clenched her hooves over my feet as we zoomed towards the ramp.
-Fizzle-
I looked over my shoulder at the racket the carriage was causing as it tumbled behind us and eventually landed upside down to start skidding towards us. We were almost to the ramp, please don’t let the carriage catch up to us!
We shot up and off the ramp and went flew up in a lazy arc. Were a pony looking at us with the correct angle, we would have passed in front of the moon making an odd shadow in the moonlight as we passed by.
Our forward momentum was slowing down and we started falling towards a familiar airship, it was the Ardent Survivor! Also Jacky was waiting for us and… uh oh.
We clipped the top of Jacky’s head and she was knocked over, Jade somehow immediately forced the Unicycle to a sudden halt and hopped off to hurry over to Jacky.
“Are you okay Jacky?!” She asked of our luck challenged sister, Jacky held up her left thumb claw from deck of the ship. She slowly got up and stumbled her way to the wheel. “Good, get us out of here full throttle! Fizzle with me, there’s something you have to see! Oh and take a bow.”
Taking her hat from her head, Jade bowed in the direction of Canterlot and I did as well. Jade proceeded to pull out two griffon masks, she pointed out the direction to look.
I used the zoom function on the mask to see Celestia, Madame Nut Case and then Cadence who landed a second later at a table loaded with cake that had been set up next to the carriage occupied ramp.
Celestia took a slow bite of cake and chewed thoroughly before she looked up from that and smiled at us, she picked up something with a hoof and held it up. It was a ten? I looked to Nut Case who was also holding a ten. Cadence was holding up an eight.
“An eight, that fillystine! Anyway, drop that and look to the sky Fizzle.” Doing as Jade asked, I finally saw what the fireworks were for and in three different colors befitting me.
-Spitfire-
“Seriously hate that cat! Come on guys we can still get them, they can’t outpace us in an airship.” I was just at the edge of Canterlot, near a table Celestia was sitting at for some reason. I heard an explosion, turning around I saw two more bright explosions filling the sky.
Following that was several more spelling a word, by the time I turned around the airship was already gone into the darkness.
My face grew red and I inhaled to scream.
-Fizzle-
“I heart you? Yes Jade, I know.” I hugged me some crazy awesome over the top cat. That had to be one of the most incredible things I’ve ever done. “I heart you too.”
I looked through the griffon mask.
“Hey Jade, look at the table again!” Following my advice she looked through the griffon mask and saw that Cadence had changed her score to a ten.
Speedy Sax and her group stopped playing once they reached the table and joined Celestia for some cake.
“I knew it, she needed the extra incentive of a romantic gesture before she’d give me a ten.” Grumbled out Jade who snuggled up against me as several more fireworks went off spelling the word ‘distraction’.
We both heard the scream of a very frustrated winged pony in the distance.
“Do you think I might have gotten Spite Fire’s spleen with that?” That primal scream was soon joined by various other guards.