//------------------------------// // Job Interview // Story: Three Kittens, Two Unicorns, and a BANANA! // by Tatsurou //------------------------------// After intensive discussion regarding what music they should listen to while driving with a great deal of back and forth between Tempest and Lucy and even more haggling regarding what Lucy could tolerate while driving - given she would be driving - and Tempest's interests, it was determined that none of the music Lucy had readily available fit the restrictive criteria, nor would any be on any radio stations they would be able to access for the short time they would be traveling. However, Stuart was able to point out based on how long Lucy said the trip would take that there was one song they could all sing that it was scientifically impossible for anyone to hate or dislike for driving. Kevin playfully corrected that it was scientifically impossible without becoming Simsa chow, which set all three Minions to giggling. Much to Tempest's pleasure, Lucy loved the song, and they were quickly engaging in a surprisingly in-tune acapella. The lyrics proved especially apt as they drove right across a pier through pedestrian areas and off the edge as the car converted into a submarine. Idly, Tempest wondered as they sang if Lucy would ask where the back seat had come from, as the car hadn't had one until after the trio of Minions had gotten in, and wouldn't have one once they got back out. As they drove through the ocean, Tempest paused in her singing to look around at the scenery, enjoying the panoramic view...and listening to the others singing. Lucy had a surprisingly well trained contralto. "Mama mia let me go!" Lucy sang out. "Beelzebub hego hubnam ponga oe nunu me!" Stuart sang out. "Nunu me!" Kevin continued. "Nunu me!" Bob finished as he hit a high note. As they all began headbanging, Tempest felt Gru beginning to stir, whether from the travel or the singing she wasn't sure. Still, she saw no reason to draw attention to it as the singing and travel continued. As a massive submarine just barely became visible in the distance, Gru surprised them as he sang out the end of the song in a deep, cultured baritone. "Nothing really matters..." he sang, his voice lovingly caressing notes and ears with equal skill. "Anyone can see...nothing really matters...to me~..." "Any way the wind blows~..." Lucy sang back, holding the final note as they approached the sub. "Your singing is...not bad," Gru observed calmly as he took in his surroundings. "Your pipes are pretty good, too," Lucy replied warmly. "Especially after getting za-" "The proper past tense verb form is tasered, adverb form tasering," Gru pointed out helpfully. At Tempest's surprised look, he shrugged. "You're not the only one who noticed Margo's reading material. I have to keep up somehow. And yes," he continued to Lucy, "English is very confusing." "You seem to be taking me tasering and kidnapping you rather well," Lucy pointed out with a smile. "That's actually a relief. I really wanted to make a good impression on you, not a bad one." "None of us are restrained, and you're still human instead of a sheep, robo-bear chow, or both," Gru teased playfully as he mussed Tempest's mane. "That tells me Tempest's in charge and you made a good impression on her despite assaulting me while she watched. I'm willing to see where this goes before I start blasting." He shrugged. "Besides, I can't fault your taste in music." Tempest raised an eyebrow as that got a rather adorable giggle-snort and blush out of Lucy. Well, that explains why she wasn't offended that her life hung on match making, she sent to the Overthought. She's...kinda acting like a fangirl? A.V.L. Anti-Villain League, the Overthought sent back. She's probably read his file and was fascinated by him for some reason. That explains it, Tempest thought calmly as they slowly floated into a dock at the top of the submarine, settling down on wheels as the water drained out once it was sealed, followed by a comical quick dry to get rid of the sea water clinging to the outside of the car. The platform then lowered into a massive command center, with two other platforms closing around the one they were on to create a semblance of a conference room. Across the table sat a plump, brown-haired, brown eyed man with a very long face dressed in a brown suit. As Lucy opened the car doors, Tempest hopped out so Father could step out. "Good afternoon, Mr. Gru," the man greeted warmly, if somewhat aloofly. "I apologize for our methods in getting you here-" "I don't!" Lucy interrupted excitedly. "I enjoyed every minute of it. Gave me a buzz!" "Even the Simsa?" Tempest inquired curiously. "Especially the Simsa!" Lucy answered eagerly. "How often does a rookie agent get to face down a villainous mecha superweapon? That's tenure level assignment, minimum-" "That's enough, Agent Wilde," the man chided firmly, giving the impression of glaring at her over spectacles despite the fact he wasn't wearing any. Lucy immediately fell silent. He then turned to Gru. "I understand such methods distressed both you and your family, and were the present situation not so urgent we would have done all we could to avoid that." Am I the only one thinking he's got a superweapon somewhere that he's ready to deploy to force our cooperation? Tempest thought quickly to Bob, Stuart, and Kevin. The three Minions quickly slipped odd, crystal-studded gloves on before moving to encircle Gru, Tempest, and Lucy. Lifting their gloved hands, they began to chant, "Red potato, banana! Red potato banana!" As they chanted, a magic barrier surrounded the group in a sphere. Tempest blinked in confusion, wondering why she couldn't understand the chant...until she realized it was translating into Cantonese instead of English for the syllable match. Are you really sure you should be chanting a spell to banish evil to protect Father and me? she asked them silently. Neither of you is a demon, ghost, or goblin, Stuart thought back logically. The man behind the desk looked startled, but raised his hand. "I promise you, we mean you no harm." "Yes," Gru observed calmly. "I'm certain that's why I've been knocked unconscious and kidnapped. I just bet you want me to appear on the new series of 'Most Eligible Bachelor'." "I'd watch that," Lucy spoke up helpfully. "Assuming I wasn't a contestant." Tempest suppressed a chuckle when that led to Gru glancing at her in surprise. She decided to focus on the man across the table. "So...what's the Anti-Villain League, exactly?" she asked calmly. "We are an ultra-secret agency dedicated to dealing with crime on a global scale," the man explained dramatically. "Rob a bank? Not our problem. Kill someone? That's local. But try to melt the polar ice caps? Vaporize Mt. Fuji?" He gave Gru a significant look. "Steal the Moon?" "Hey, you have no proof I did that!" Gru snapped out insistently. "Also, after I did it, I put it back." Tempest's eyes nearly popped out of her head as she heard that. She'd known her new Father had villainous tendencies and had the attitude and support to have been successful...but to steal the Moon? She definitely needed details on that later. Well- No, I want it for bedtime stories! Tempest snapped at the Overthought. "We're well aware of that, Mr. Gru," the man continued calmly. "That's why we brought you here. I am the League's Director, Silas Ramsbottom." Tempest suppressed a snort of laughter as the Minions giggled at that. "Bottom!" Dave murmured to Stuart as they shared a giggle. Deciding to add her own joke, she let out a startlingly accurate goat bleat, which set all of them to laughing. "...how charming," Silas murmured dryly. "Agent Wilde?" Lucy blinked, surprised as attention turned back to her. She'd apparently relaxed, having shed her jacket to reveal the sleeveless dress she was wearing underneath. "Oh, me now?" she asked in surprise, before moving to stand between Gru and a large screen that had moved into position. Gesturing, she drew attention to an image of a magnet-shaped airship clutching a lab of some sort above a snow-covered landscape...although it looked to Tempest like Gru was paying more attention to the shape of her arm, which she seemed to be deliberately flaunting. "Recently an entire secret lab was stolen from the Arctic Circle," she explained as the image ceased to be still, the magnet shaped airship flying off with the lab. "Yeah, the entire lab!" she continued more energetically. "Just whish! Voom!" She gesticulated energetically as she spoke. "Gone! Where did it go?" "Not my problem," Gru stated bluntly. Blinking in surprise, Lucy continued. "The lab was working on experiments involving PX-41, a transmutation serum." "Unless it turns ordinary ponies into unicorns, I don't see why I should care," Gru pointed out flatly as he watched a scientist on the screen inject a purple liquid into a harmless looking bunny. "As much as I'd love if that were the case..." Lucy allowed playfully, letting the scene play out. As they watched, the bunny mutated into a massive, purple, bunny-shaped beast that proceeded to destroy anything in reach, savagely mauling the scientists. "...it's a bit more serious than that," Lucy concluded. "Looks like it generates a gland to produce monsterpropesene and puts it into overdrive," Tempest observed calmly. "Most mutates and Kaiju have one, which is what lets them function physically at sizes that physics say shouldn't be sustainable. Given the rapidity of the mutation and the resulting violent behavior, the creatures probably don't have a means of stabilizing and metabolizing the resulting hormonal overflow, which is what causes such intense aggression." She then noticed everyone staring at her. "Uncle Nef brought some odd books in while he was working on fixing my horn," she explained calmly. "I got bored." "Well...yes..." Silas allowed hesitantly. "As you can see, in the wrong hands, the PX-41 serum could be the most devastating weapon on Earth." "Not really," Tempest countered easily. "All you really need to counteract it is Panacea Extract, which breaks monsterpropesene down in the bloodstream. You can make it in aerosol format relatively easy. Spray enough of a dose, mutation reverses and the subject conks out." Silas frowned disapprovingly. "The Panacea blossom is incredibly rare and difficult to grow and harvest-" Tempest zapped Silas' teacup, turning it into a beautiful flower with petals that seemed to refract the light that passed through them, giving the impression of rainbow colored while actually being colorless. "There's one. How many more do you need?" Silas stared at the blatant transfiguration that had occurred right in front of him. Coughing awkwardly, he straightened his tie. "Well...I suppose we can call that Plan B, but we'd really rather prevent it from being used that way if possible. Beyond that, it has a very distinct chemical footprint, and using the latest in chem-tracking technology, we found traces of it in the Paradise Mall, and we believe one of these shop owners is a disguised supervillain." As he spoke, information flew across the screen. "As an ex-villain, Mr. Gru, you know how a villain thinks, how a villain acts." "The plan is to set you up undercover at a shop in the mall," Lucy explained eagerly, "where hopefully you'll-" "No," Gru stated flatly, catching Silas and Lucy off guard. "As tempting as all this Mission Impossible stuff is, I am a Father and a legitimate businessman. I don't have time for all of this." He turned to lead Tempest and the Minions out. "However, I would be happy to provide the Panacea Extract Aerosol at fair market value should you need to fall back on Plan B. After all, business is business." "...if you're certain-" Silas began. "And next time you need help from someone," Gru interrupted as he glowered at the man, "maybe instead of tasing and kidnapping you could, I don't know, give them a phone call! Good day, Mr. Sheepsbutt!" "...Ramsbottom..." Silas corrected awkwardly. "Like that's any better," Gru joked. He then turned to storm out, only to pause in front of Lucy. "You can...stop by if you want," he offered awkwardly. "Unofficially, I mean. Not this AVL nonsense...just to talk..." Tempest smiled to herself as she followed Gru out. It wouldn't be good to debate his decision in front of the AVL - bad to undermine him and all that - but she saw a few ways this could be turned to their advantage. Besides, it would mean more of Father and Lucy interacting, and who knew where that would go?