//------------------------------//
// Batmare 04 
// Story: Batmare: Filly Scourge of the night 
// by Kaliann25 
//------------------------------//


Don’t be a Party-Pooper!!


Diamond Tiara looked up at the crystal edifice with trepidation. Shimmering in the sunlight, it was bright and inviting, and one would expect from the Castle of Friendship. Shuddering, the filly could not decide whether she'd rather face the crazy clown instead of facing the princess who dwelled within. Princess Luna herself had ordered this visit, so the filly didn't have much choice. Besides, Diamond Tiara knew she could use advice from an expert. Setting her misgivings aside, she rang the bell at the service entrance.

A moment later, Princess Twilight Sparkle opened the door. If one ignored her wings, they could easily mistake her for the unicorn she once was as she stood bare-headed and unadorned. Smiling warmly, she said, "Good morning, Diamond Tiara. I take it you're not here for the latest issue 'Filly Nilly'."

Sarcastically, Diamond Tiara replied, "Of course, I am. Celestia forbid that I walk into a public library." Her withers slumped as she gave a sigh. "Princess Luna sent me here for help with my friendship problem." Slumping even lower, she continued, "As much I hate to admit it, she's right."

Stepping aside, Twilight said warmly, "Come on in. I just got a dozen cookies from Sugarcube Corner."

Twilight frowned as the filly passed. "You really should be more careful. This last 'accident' looks a lot worse than normal." Diamond Tiara grunted in acknowledgement as she walked to a cushion beside a low table and gingerly set herself down.

A moment later, Twilight joined the filly at the table, levitating a tray with milk and cookies. Using her telekinesis, she poured a glass of milk and set it, along with a cookie in front of the filly. With unbearably cheeriness, the princess said, "I'm so glad you finally decided to come over. Holding in all that emotion must be . . ."

"Where's Spike?" interrupted Diamond Tiara.

Wistfully, Twilight turned her head toward the window. "He's somewhere, out there. It's been three days since he's left the planet. I still can't used to the idea that my foal brother is now a superhero. He's still so young, but he's responsible for many worlds."

"I guess being a Green Lantern is a pretty big job."

"Sometimes, I wish he hadn't grown up so quickly," replied Twilight. "Still, I'm proud of him. Enough about Spike. What is your friendship problem?"

The pink filly stared at the ground as she mustered her courage. She looked out the window before directing her attention at the princess. "It's Silver Spoon, my best friend. I don't know what to do about her."

"What do you mean?" asked Twilight. "Did you two have a fight?"

Diamond Tiara reached into her mane, behind her right ear. She set a bat-shaped commlink on the table. "No. It's about who I've become."

"So, your extracurricular activities are interfering with your friendship?"

Holding back tears, Diamond Tiara nodded. "Being Batmare is a full-time job. Being a student is a full-time job. I don't have time for friendship; I have to sleep." She sighed. "I don't want to lose her; she's always been there for me in the good times and the bad."

Tears began to flow down Diamond Tiara's face. "When I lost everything, she was the first one to come to my aid; anything I needed, she was happy to provide."

Twilight nodded. "Then you became Batmare."

Diamond Tiara continued. "I still see Silver Spoon at school, and I can understand why she is so upset with me. Still, she hasn't given up on us; she even invited me to her house for a week. Thanks to Luna, I now actually have the time."

Nodding, Twilight said, "You should go. You should enjoy your fillyhood while you still can. To tell you the truth, I think all of you junior crimefighters would be better off waiting until you're adults." Diamond Tiara opened her mouth to object, but Twilight continued. "I know you can't do that any more than you can change your Cutie Marks. Still, friendship is important. You should go."

"I'm going; that's not the problem." Diamond Tiara sighed. Gesturing at the commlink, she asked, "How am I supposed to explain this? She's my best friend. She hasn't asked, but she deserves an explanation."

"I don't understand," said Twilight.

"What if I slip up and tell her about Batmare? I've never been able to keep secrets from her. It'd be better if she just forgot about me."

Twilight frowned, visibly annoyed. "You'd rather have her give up your friendship?"

"I don't know. If I tell her the truth, she might hate me. Worse, she might get some ridiculous idea, like joining me. Can you imagine how it would feel to have your best friend hurt because somepony wanted to harm you?"

Twilight glanced up at the alcove where a portrait of Starlight Glimmer was illuminated by a pair of candlesticks. "I don't have to imagine."

A gust of wind drew their attention back to the table. Rainbow Dash hovered above, finishing the rest of the cookies and milk. After swallowing, she said, "You know you have no right to complain, don't you, Batfilly?"

Huffing, Diamond Tiara replied, "That doesn't change the fact that I have a psycho clown after me."

Dash's expression softened. "I'm on it. I'm not about to let anypony else go through what I did with Reverse Dash."

Twilight stole another glance at Starlight's portrait before turning her attention back to Dash. "So, what brings you here so early, Rainbow?"

Rainbow Dash zipped out of the room and returned in a fraction of a second. "The same thing as last week. I want to see if the new 'Daring Do' book has been released."

Twilight chuckled. "No, Rainbow. You have to give A.K. Yearling a chance to have an adventure, first. Besides, you could always drop by and offer your help."

Shaking her head, Rainbow replied, "She's changed since the Arrow killed Cabelleron. When she found out I work with Arrow, she said, 'You . . .'" Rainbow looked over the Diamond Tiara, who was staring. Rainbow gave a nervous chuckle before continuing. "Let's just say she doesn't want anything to do with me. Apparently, Cabelleron was the only thing that was keeping her life interesting."

Twilight said, "Come to think of it, nopony's seen or heard from Yearling in a while. I'll have to make sure that she's all right."

Grimly, Rainbow replied, "She'd better be. Anyone who harms her will have to answer to me." The pegasus turned to Diamond Tiara. "Have fun with your friend. I'll make sure that clown doesn't get anywhere near you. I won't have anypony else going through what I did with Reverse."

For the first time in a long time, Diamond Tiara gave an honest smile. "Thanks. I think I know what to with my friend."

Twilight returned the smile. "I'm so happy for you.

Turning to Diamond Tiara, Dash asked, "Could I borrow a few of your toys?"

Puzzled, the filly raised an eyebrow. "Sure."

Canterlot, that night:

Word of the Arrow's defeat had spread like wildfire, and it seemed that every two-bit criminal had come out to celebrate. Every shadow seemed to hide a mugger, every doorway a burglar. With the resident vigilante incapacitated, they had free rein to plunder the city. One by one, they came to understand that they were working under an incorrect assumption as the found themselves hanging upside down from lampposts, waiting for the Royal Guard to collect them.

Dash wore a satisfied smile as she continued with her primary objective. One advantage of her super speed was that she could afford to address the minor distractions while searching for the killer clown.

As she continued her patrol, she muttered to herself, "If I was a crazy clown, where would I hide?" She continued flying as she pondered. Frustrated, she cried out, "Come on! Give me a sign!"

A shaft of light blinded her as she passed through it. Instinctively, she flew up and away before hovering at a safe altitude as her vision cleared.

Looking down, Dash traced the light to its source. The searchlight had been installed on the roof of a mansion that had been abandoned after the Arrow had retired its owner.

Puzzled, Dash followed the shaft of light upward. What could it be tracking? The light stopped against a cloud. Inside the circle of light was the silhouette of a bat with the words "COME PLAY".

A multi-colored streak of light followed the beam to its source. It was time to party.

 

Ponyville, Silver Spoon's bedroom:

Two fillies lay back on matching lounges, enjoying avocado mask and cucumber facials. Diamond Tiara gave a satisfied sigh as the treatment drew away the stress of her new life. Smiling Silver Spoon said, "I'm glad you came, Diamond Tiara."

Blindly, Diamond Tiara turned toward her friend and said, "You've said that, like, ten times already." She sighed. "I'm glad I could come."

"You don't know how much I missed you," replied Silver Spoon. She frowned at the ensuing silence.

A knock at the door broke the awkward silence. Silver Spoon got up to open the door while Diamond Tiara rolled over to watch.

The earth pony butler announced, "The snacks you requested, Miss Silver."

Smiling, Silver Spoon said, 'Very good, Manesworth." With that, the filly tugged the cart into her room and closed the door.

Diamond Tiara looked at the contents. There were a stack of graham crackers, a bowl of marshmallows, and a plate of chocolate bar. A small brazier, two spatulas, and several skewers were also included. Puzzled, the filly asked, "What's this?"

Giggling, Silver Spoon replied, "I thought that as long as were camping out in my room, we should make s'mores." Rushing to the window, the filly said, "What is that?"

Diamond Tiara walked over and looked. She shivered when she saw the image projected on the cloud.

Concerned, Silver Spoon gently leaned against her. "Are you all right?"

Diamond Tiara nodded. "That b . . . bat startled me."

Silver Spoon drew her into a hug. "I know you're afraid of bats. But I bet that was for Batmare! Wouldn't it be great to be a hero like her?"

Diamond Tiara drew away. "No!"

Silver Spoon looked shocked at her friend's reaction. "It's all right, Diamond Tiara. She's really a mare, not a bat."

Diamond Tiara moved back toward her friend and awkwardly hugged her. "It's not that. She's almost been killed so many times. I don't want that to happen with you."

Silver Spoon returned the hug. "Everything will be fine. This is Ponyville, remember? Can you even imagine Batmare having anything to do with fillies like us?"

Canterlot, abandoned mansion:

From the shadows, a black-clad figure watched as the clown balanced on his hind legs on a giant beach ball while he juggled three knives. Turning to the rubber chicken on his back, he said, "Do you think she'll get my invitation, Boneless Number Two? I do so hope that Batsy will come to my party."

The figure frowned. There was something familiar about that clown. Those moves were somehow familiar even though the stallion was not. Regardless, it was time to start the party.

The clown turned his head toward a flicker of movement. He flung two of his knives in response. They clattered to the floor along with the batarangs they had intercepted. He gave a chilling laugh. "Welcome to the party, Batsy! We've been dying for you to come."

A whirring from behind caught his attention. His third knife dropped a third batarang. He said, "I think I smell a bat . . . there!" Reaching under his purple poncho, he strapped his rubber chickens to his forelegs as he leapt at a shadowy corner. The heavy bodies of his doctored toys splintered the floorboards, but his quarry was not there.

The clown growled, "Come on, Batsy. Come out and play."

A soft giggle seemed to come from everywhere.

"I get it! You want to play hide and seek. Ready or not, here I come!"

The clown carefully stalked about, slamming a fake rubber chicken into each hiding place he encountered. A buck to the rear sent him flying into the wall. "Tag! You're it!"

The clown twisted around, looking the black-clad figure in the eye. "I told you at the last party that I wanted the bat to come play. You should know it's rude to come to a party uninvited."

The figure shrugged. "My invitation must have gotten lost in the mail."

"Have a few more," said the clown. He flung his forelegs back, slipping off the rubber chickens and exposing a harness under his poncho. A hidden mechanism launched a pair of invitations at the figure. To his surprise, they seemed to go through the figure and embed themselves into the wall.

The clown laughed. "Nice trick! I can do magic, too, even though I don't have a horn like yours." He somehow drew an impossibly large layer cake from under his poncho and launched it at the figure's face.

The figure sidestepped, and then moved to charge. "Hey!" she cried. "I'm stuck!" Looking down she could see the gloss of a quick-setting adhesive.

A party hat dropped over her head before she looked up. The clown cackled, "Try getting that off, Miss Unicorn; that'll block even an alicorn's magic." He retrieved his rubber chickens. "Now, tell me where Batsy is hiding. I see her toys everywhere."

The figure pulled a batarang from a hidden harness using her mouth and flung it at the clown. It barely had enough power to drop at his hooves. "She's staying home like a good filly."

"No, no, no, no, no!" exclaimed the clown. "She's the guest of honor! I guess I'll just have to leave her a reminder of what happens to party poopers." He retrieved his rubber chickens and swung them menacingly as he approached the trapped figure.

As the clown closed in, the figure asked, "Don't you want to say hello to the guest I brought along first?"

The clown spun around and called, "Come out and join the fun!"

"Let him have it, Boneless Three!"

The clown turned back in time to catch a face full of rubber chicken filled with lead weights. As the last vestiges of consciousness slipped away, he moaned, "Not you, Boneless."

As he dropped, the flower pinned to his poncho squirted out a noxious stream of weaponized limburger followed by a puff of poison gas. The figure flapped previously-concealed wings and blew the mess away. She then blurred for a moment, revealing a more colorful costume. She said, "Canary sends her greetings, too." She slammed Boneless on him once again to ensured that he stayed subdued.

Dash sniffed contemptuously. "Luna was right. You'd spill the beans if you thought your victim was helpless.'

"I'd better see what other surprises he has on him." In a cyan blur with rainbow-hued highlights, she stripped all the clothing and equipment from the clown. Under the poncho, he had a harness with weapons made to look like clown's props: a boxing glove on a mechanized arm, a joy buzzer set to kill, a flower that squirted acid, and much more. The real surprise, however, was what lay underneath. Dash said, "I know that Cutie Mark! Your colors are wrong; you're supposed to be orange with a brown mane and tail. What happened to you, Cheese Sandwich?"

Canterlot Castle, maximum security cell:
 
The clown woke to find he was looking up at the face of a disappointed Princess Luna. He tried to move, but he was strapped down like a sacrifice on an altar. Laughing, he asked, "Is the party over?"

"It is for you, Cheese Sandwich. What is your grievance with my Dark Knight?"

Shaking his head, the clown replied, "No, no, no. Cheese Sandwich dyed; Batsy sure he was all white. No Cheese, no more. Maybe curds? No whey! Now, it’s only …"

Silence hung in the air for an awkward minute.

With exaggerated patience, Luna asked, "What is it, Cheese Sandwich?"

"Not butter, too solid for cream. Is tofu really a thing? Maybe jelly; I'm on a roll!" The clown gave a maniacal laugh.

"The humor in the situation in lacking," deadpanned the Princess.

The clown shifted tactics. "Knock, knock!"

"This is neither the time nor place for frivolity."

"Fine. Be a party pooper!"

The clown spoke in a poor imitation of Luna's voice. "Who's there?"

He continued, "Good question! I have absolutely no idea now." He filled the room with another chilling laugh.

Luna sniffed. "A fool would cut with wit. A jester would delight the audience. You, Cheese Sandwich, are no more than a joker."

Another maniacal laugh filled the air. "Joker. I like it! I knew there was a funny bone somewhere under the frown."

Luna said, "Enough with the jokes. Did my knight paint your fur?"

"No, she missed the punchline." Another chilling laugh filled the air.

"That's not what you said earlier. Did she attack you?"

"I'm too weak to say."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I'm not strong enough to face the truth!" He gave another laugh. "Do you get it?"

Luna frowned. "Let's see what makes you tick." Channeling a spell not used in over a thousand years she entered Joker's mind. It was a jumble of nightmares, each incomprehensible, but each ending with a vision of the Dark Knight as it faded to white.

"There is no saving this one." Turning to the unicorn guards, she said, "Prepare him for transport to the psychiatric ward."

The guards pointed their horns at the Joker. He gave a maniacal grin as he waited. His world faded to black.