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// Chapter 51 
// Story: Pandemic: Picking up the Pieces 
// by Halira 
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Devon wanted to go chasing after her husband and give him a piece of her mind. She knew he was just upset and angry, she was bothered by what she'd learned too, but that didn't make what he had unintentionally done easier to stomach. 

She looked over at Phobia. The pony was still hunched in a corner, refusing to leave it. The crying and whimpering had stopped, and she'd even gotten back to speaking a little, but she was far from alright. Devon couldn't even come near her without Phobia's panic starting to rise again. She wanted to go find Rosetta and Tom to see what they could do, but she didn't want to leave the terrified pony by herself. 

So she was just stuck here, keeping a healthy distance between herself and the mare, and trying to put the pony at ease. It was a sad bit of irony that the pony every night pony in the world feared was the most terrified pony that Devon had met. Some part of her wanted to say there was some sort of lesson in that, but the cynic in her just wanted someone to come deal with this for her.

She sat down at the computer desk and faced the night pony. "You've told me about yourself as a Dreamwarden. What about when you're awake? What kind of work are you planning on doing when you're awake? What kind of hobbies do you have?"

"I'm not really sure, for either of those," Phobia said slowly. "Things have changed so much in the past month and a half. I was always kind of a closed person, and I didn't get too into anything. Rosetta was trying to get me interested in going to college for psychology or sociology. Those are things that could help me be a better Dreamwarden."

"Okay, but that's still things that revolve around your career as a Dreamwarden," Devon said. "That's not the whole of your life. I'm a mother and a teacher, and those take up a good chunk of my time, but there is more to me than those things."

Phobia finally sat up instead of cowering on the floor. The night pony put a hoof on her belly and looked down at it. "I'm going to be a mother. I'm about a week along. I was like Tonya, transgender, though I didn't actively realize it till I was deep into transforming. The idea that I could be a biological mother is still very new and scary to me. Not to mention how I..."

Phobia started breathing heavy again and a clear panic attack was about to begin again. "Phobia, look at me and try to control the pace of your breathing. You're safe right now. It's just you and me here. What happened is in the past and isn't going to happen again. You're safe, you're alright."

Devon waited while Phobia did as instructed and tried to level out her breathing. The breathing was so fast and heavy but it developed a rhythm to it and slowly came back in line with regular breathing. Phobia shook her head when it got close to normal and looked apologetically at Devon.

"I'm sorry...this is hard. I've been avoiding thinking of this, trying to just focus on my Dreamwarden duties. Beyond the fact that I care a lot about fear I haven't really gotten a chance to even figure out who I am since becoming a biological female, and now I'm going to be a mother. I don't even know if I'll be able to look at my own foal and not think about what happened," Phobia said mournfully.

"It's okay," Devon said soothingly. She then took a deep breath and decided to talk about something that was always difficult for her to talk about. "You're not alone in feeling that way about a pregnancy that happened due to rape. A lot of women would choose to abort it because they didn't want it and they have the same types of fears you're having right now about what they'll remember when they look at their child. You can be a good mother still, I know it for a fact, because my mother did a good job raising me."

Phobia looked up at her in shock. "You're a child of a rape?"

Devon nodded. "My mother was a victim of drugged date rape back when she was in college. She didn't even tell me until we had the talk after my first time getting my period. There was a point she considered aborting me and admitted that early on after I was born she considered giving me up for adoption because I did remind her of what happened. She would have her own panic attacks when I was just an infant. She still has them sometimes; rape isn't something you ever get over."

"But, she did end up raising you?" Phobia asked.

Devon smiled. "She loves me, and is still to this day my longest lasting best friend." She then frowned and felt a sharp stab of guilt. "I really should call her. She's probably worried about me. I don't even know if she's still human or a pony. Amanda was getting in touch with her family earlier today and I didn't even think about doing the same. I feel like such a terrible daughter now."

"I'm sure she'll understand," Phobia said. Then smiled for the first time since Paul left. "And I can probably guess whether she's a human or pony for you without even checking the dream realm."

Devon looked confused. "Um, how are you going to do that?"

Phobia's smile got bigger and Devon got the sense that Phobia knew she was about to pull something clever. "Have you used your phone at all in the last month?"

"Yeah, just the other day, to call Paul," Devon answered, wondering where this was going.

"And you had no messages from her and haven't heard a word?" Phobia prompted.

"I just said I haven't found out anything about her situation," Devon said, still confused.

Phobia gave a now triumphant smile. "Then my bets are on she is a pony and probably not a unicorn. Humans would have been eager to get any word about their loved ones after ETS. Ponies just kind of went with the flow and got so caught up in learning about all the new things we could do that we kind of just forgot to check in with relatives more often than not. If she were a unicorn she might have tried still, but other types of ponies just didn't go through a lot of effort to try to use gadgets not built for them."

Devon blinked. That actually made sense to her. That left her still unsure how to even get in touch with her mother. If this much time had passed and her mother wasn't inclined to keep her phone then that could make things really difficult.

"Does Robby know her?" Phobia asked. 

"Yeah, she visits for every one of his birthdays and holidays, and sometimes just visits just because," Devon said as she considered where her mother likely was and how to get in touch with her. "For all I know she's in town here; she didn't live that far from me. I would have thought she'd have noticed me though by this point. Humans tend to stand out in town."

"If she's here there might be plenty of reasons she hasn't run into you yet," Phobia said knowingly. "But I can track her down for you if she's a pony, no matter if she's here or not. I can get an impression of her from Robby and then find her dreams...Rosetta could do the same if you prefer not having a Dreamwarden do it."

Devon didn't really need to think about it. "Are you sure that isn't any trouble? I know you must be busy when you're asleep."

Phobia took a stood up and took a step or two from her corner. "It's no trouble. I'm not like a normal dreamwalker. I can literally be multiple places at once in the dreamscape doing completely different things. I couldn't begin to describe what that's like, but it's no big deal for me. I can make well over a hundred avatars of myself there at any given time, and only need at most a few dozen at a time for dealing with night ponies. I can spare one to go find your mom, if she is a pony and asleep."

Devon wanted to say yes, but then she thought of Paul and wasn't sure how he'd react to Phobia getting involved with another family member. There was no guarantee that her mother was a pony either, just a educated guess that she was. 

"Paul might not be happy with you doing us favors," she said after consideration. "You said Rosetta could find her too, right? I think it might be better if she did it."

Phobia didn't seem upset about being personally declined in favor of Rosetta. "I'll talk to her and let her know. She won't be able to go looking till morning at the earliest, but I'm sure she'd be happy to help. I think Robby would be more comfortable with her anyway. He trusts me, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't be afraid of putting a hoof out of place."

Devon was about to answer back but was interrupted by a knock at the door. The knocking sent Phobia back into cringing in her corner. That made Devon want to tell off whoever was knocking at the door. She had been making real progress on getting Phobia calmed down and less tense.

It wasn't her house, but it was probably best  for her to go answer the door. Phobia wasn't going to move from her corner. Maybe Paul had come back. Rosetta and Tom would have just let themselves in.

She got up and went to the door. She spared a quick glance at Phobia to see if it was alright. The night pony was sniffing at the air with a confused look on her face. Phobia's lack of answer was hard to read, but she took it as not objecting to her opening the door. She opened it and then froze as she saw who was on the other side.

Standing on the front porch were  four ponies, two of them were the tallest ponies she had seen; one slightly larger than average, but the tallest one was the first pony she had seen that was actually taller than her. Devon was short on average, but she still typically towered over adult ponies--but this time she was the one having to look up just slightly to meet the pony's eyes.

"Who the hell are you, and what are you doing in my daughter's house?" One of the more normal sized ponies snapped.

She was about to answer the disagreeable pony when Phobia spoke up instead. "Mom? That is Devon, she's a friend of mine. Please don't be rude to my friends."

The red furred unicorn that had snapped looked a little embarrassed. The gigantic one spoke up before anything else was said. "If you're able to curtail your mother being rude you are a more talented mare than I thought, Phobia Remedy. Speaking of friends, am I going to be invited in or am I going to be treated as a stranger at your door following your headstrong behavior today?"

"Luna?" Phobia gasped with excitement. The night pony then finally got out of her corner completely and went to the center of the room where she could see out the door. "And Tempest! Come in! I thought I smelled Tempest a second ago, but was sure my mind was playing tricks on me."

Devon stepped out of the way to let the group of ponies in. The second tallest was a unicorn mare that had a broken horn, and the mare gave Devon a look over as she entered. The shorter unicorn that had snapped earlier gave her a quick glance but didn't say anything more. Devon assumed that was Sunset Blessing, and wondered what Tonya saw in the pony based on her first impression. Another night pony mare stepped in and looked curiously around the room as she did. 

The tallest one, Luna, Devon realized was a type she'd only seen one example of before this, and then only on the news. This was an alicorn like Twilight Sparkle, those were like Equestrian royalty. What was she doing here in Riverview of all places?

Luna's demeanor softened as she approached Phobia. Devon was prepared to see Phobia flinch back at this giant of a pony coming near her, but to her shock Phobia seemed to trust Luna enough that there was no sign of fear in her at all. The night pony simply smiled.

"It is good to see you in the waking world at last," Luna said tenderly. "It's been a regret of mine that I have not been able to actually spend any waking time with any of the six of you. Perhaps if I did the group of you would not have staged your insurrection against my teaching you."

Phobia's smile dropped. "We already discussed this. I did something stupid that made us have to do what we did. You can be mad at me for it, not the others."

"I was more worried about the jeopardy you put yourself in, not your reasoning," Luna said firmly. "It was dangerous doing what you did. Psychic Calm not so much, but you, and especially Ghadab, could have died. Not just when the binding was happening either; the stunt you pulled with that highly intensified training could have been the end of you. We haven't even discussed the fact you suppressed your nightmares rather than properly deal with them."

Phobia sighed. "You've already chewed me out, chewed all of us out, at length. Did you just come here to continue to chew me out while awake?"

Luna shook her head. "No, that was merely my frustrations speaking. The matter is finished, but it might take a few days before the fear and anxiety I felt completely fade."

"She's like me, she does what needs to be done," Sunset chimed in proudly.

Luna turned to the unicorn and scowled. "Your daughter did indeed inherit a number of very good traits from you. It's a shame that while she is a great mare you continue to sully yourself. You have all the tools and skills to be one of the truly great ponies, Sunset Blessing. Unfortunately, your insistence on clinging to your bigotry will keep you always as a shell of what you could be, just like your namesake before you. I pity you for that. Now keep your muzzle shut while your daughter and I speak."

Devon watched Tempest smirk as Sunset scowled. The night pony she didn't know had her head down and was seemingly just trying to blend in with the wooden floorboards. 

"Luna, that's my mother. My mother should feel welcome under my roof. I understand you and her don't like one another, but can you please not do this here," Phobia said calmly.

"I was not..."

"You were," Phobia said flatly.

Luna grimaced. "Apologies, Ms. Blessing. This isn't the time or place for me to be speaking my mind about you. Out of respect to your daughter I will refrain from denouncing your many failings under her roof."

Sunset said nothing, but after Luna turned back around so the red unicorn was behind her Sunset did the highly mature thing and stuck her tongue out at the alicorn. Tempest caught sight of it and scowled. Phobia gave her mother a hard look which made Sunset withdraw her tongue and look embarrassed again. Devon wondered if there was some sort of weird motherly jealousy going on between the town leader and the Equestrian princess.

"On to business," Luna continued and gestured at Tempest. "Because you were somewhat exposed today, and are in need of real aid with dealing with what happened to you, I have decided to have Tempest Shadow be stationed for the time being as your personal bodyguard."

Phobia looked at Tempest then back to Luna. "Don't you think ponies will ask why I have an Equestrian standing around me all the time? One dressed in armor at that?"

"Officially she is here to observe one of the first built pony settlements, to ensure ponies are not being mistreated," Luna explained. "Such an official capacity will explain her presence. Who she chooses to spend her time with is not something that should be an issue. She won't be wearing her armor around here either, she is acting as a civilian, not a military official."

Tempest's mouth dropped and she shook her head. "Princess, you did not inform me that I would be here naked."

Luna raised an eyebrow at her. "Did I not recommend that you bring a few dresses and other clothes with you?"

Tempest flicked her tail nervously. "You did...and I packed one dress thinking that you might expect me to attend some occasion it would be appropriate to wear, but I brought nothing else. I barely even own a wardrobe."

Luna frowned. "I understand your nervousness about going uncovered, but I did recommend you bring other clothes. Perhaps I should have been more clear in my intent. Despite that, I suggest you accept you will have to go naked or get used to wearing that same dress around until pony tailors are available locally."

Tempest looked down at the ground. "As you wish, princess. May I be excused for a few minutes to go fetch my bags from the town hall and change clothes?"

Luna nodded. "As you wish, but be prompt. I don't wish to tarry here too long and want to see you again before I must leave."

The broken horned mare bowed her head then quickly exited out of the house.

The purple night pony watched the mare depart and then turned to Luna. "Um, princess, is she?...you know...I...I don't want to really  say it."

Luna gave the pony a steely gaze. "Break your taboo and say it, Lavender Mist."

Lavender gulped and nodded. "Is she a blank flank, highness?"

"She is indeed, and that does not make her less qualified for her position," Luna said firmly. "You are not going to give her a hard time about it, do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal clear, my princess," Lavender said as she looked down at the floorboards.

Devon couldn't keep her confusion contained. "What's the big deal about being a blank flank? Does that mean unmarked? At least half the ponies around here are unmarked still."

"It is unjust bigotry, common in my culture," Luna said with a snort. "Many ponies ascribe adulthood in some form to having their cutie mark, regardless of age. If a foal who has not yet reached puberty has their cutie mark and a grown adult with them does not it is not uncommon for the foal to be treated as the more mature of the two and given more freedom and privilege. Not having your mark as an adult causes a great deal of interpersonal problems. There are a lot of factors that carry into this involving deep rooted fears among ponies that they see reflected in those unfortunate to not ever earn a cutie mark, and it would take some time to go into them all. It's one reason I wanted Tempest to come to this world, so she could experience life where she didn't need to live in fear of ponies learning she's unmarked."

"That's if that didn't carry over here," Phobia said grimly. "You know we've seen evidence that it may have been implanted into our instincts. Sunset Shimmer seemed a strong believer in cutie marks make the adult. Even though I try to resist thinking that way I know even I'm inclined to think that way."

"Will it be a problem?" Luna asked.

Phobia shook her head. "I recognize the instinct for what it is. We don't need to be slaves to instinct."

Luna looked sad as she nodded. "Indeed, hopefully it will be several years yet before that kind of prejudice will arise in force. I hope you encourage ponies away from that path."

"I will do what I can, but I can only do so much. Fighting an instinct in half a billion ponies goes well outside my jurisdiction though. There isn't much I can do but try to encourage ponies to not fall into that trap, but encouragement is all I can do," Phobia said with a downcast look.

Devon guessed that it was a good thing Amanda got her mark then. Her friend didn't seem really driven to rehumanize, so this meant she was avoiding being socially shunned. Did that mean she should be trying to encourage her own foals towards getting their marks as soon as possible? There was still so much she didn't understand about ponies.

"Sunset Shimmer's various prejudices are the ongoing bane of my existence," Luna grumbled. "Getting back to matters at hoof, do you have proper accommodations here for Tempest to be housed?" Luna asked Phobia. 

"We have an extra room that we'd originally planned to make a study... it's the room...it happened in," Phobia said, and visibly trembled as she spoke. "I don't think I want to go into that room anymore."

"I suppose that shall do then," Luna replied. "I plan on her staying here for quite some time. At the very least months, perhaps years with some intermittent breaks to return home to Equestria."

"And she's going to be okay with this?" Phobia asked. Devon was curious about that too. She understood Tempest was a soldier of some type, and soldiers didn't have full control over where they might end up stationed, but telling her that she might have to be away from home for years was a lot to swallow.

"Tempest Shadow knows her duty, and has not made much progress on making friends on Equestria. A change of scenery may do her good," Luna said dismissively.

The alicorn and the Dreamwarden continued to speak together after, mainly discussing Phobia's health--both physical and mental. Devon sat quietly as they did, and Lavender and Sunset kept quiet as well, just listening along. She wondered how long until her son or her husband returned. She also hoped that Luna finished and left before Paul came back so he didn't get in trouble for causing Phobia a panic attack. 

She frowned. Despite everything she still hadn't learned what Tonya had actually done to them. She didn't want to interrupt two beings that we're basically demigods, but if she waited too long Paul would return and trying to find out could start a new commotion.

"Excuse me, Phobia," she spoke up. "I'm really sorry to interrupt your conversation. I needed to know what you were going to tell me and Paul earlier, before he gets back and makes it impossible to have that conversation again."

Phobia looked around the room at the other ponies before looking at Devon. "I think all the ponies in this room are already aware of it, or will become aware of it soon if they aren't already. So I supposed discussing it in front of them does no harm."

The night pony took another deep breath before continuing. "Tonya forced you and Paul to end your fighting and forgive each other. She also forced Paul to accept your foals the way they are, and she forced him to accept that Tonya is his sister--not his brother. While these are all good things to want, the fact you didn't have a choice in the matter makes this a grievance worthy of trial."

Devon stood there stunned for a moment before slowly walking over to the chair by the computer and sitting down. The ponies all looked at her with sympathy. She sat for a moment and then just laid her head down in her arms on the desk and cried.

Everything that had been going well since Paul had gotten back into their lives was a lie.