The Crass Menagerie

by Coyotek4


Exorcise Session

Twilight surveys the room … Smolder continuing to hover alone in a corner, Sandbar and Silverstream exchanging angry looks, and Yona observing everyone around her, muttering inconsequentially to herself. “Anypony want to go next?”

“Allow me,” Rainbow Dash states as she floats over towards the lone dragon.

“What do you want?” Smolder asks.

“Nothin’. Just want to hear what you have to say.”

Smolder snorts. “I shouldn’t even be here. Only forced to come because they carried on like idiots,” she says as she waves a claw towards her fellow students.

Ocellus flies over in response. “I only have vague recollections about the past hour, but I’m sorry if any actions I took caused you distress.”

“Fat lot of good that does me,” the dragon replies with a huff. “Still stuck here anyway. This is why I’d be better off without any of you.”

The changeling’s eyes begin to well, before a magical aura gently pulls her back towards Starlight.

“I get it,” Rainbow states. “ ‘It’s hard to soar when you’re tied down’; that’s what you’re thinking right now, isn’t it.” Her comment elicits a nod from the dragon. “Would it surprise you to know that I was once that way?”

“That’s great, MORE saccharine!”

Silverstream smacks Sandbar in the back of his head for the latter’s remark, causing the pony to glare back at the hippogriff as Rainbow continues.

“Back when I was a filly just staring flying school, I had one goal: to be the fastest pegasus of all time. I put in a lot of effort in those days, honing my skills, increasing my stamina … doing it all on my own, because I felt like anyone else would be in my way. That sound natural to you?”

“Yeah.”

“NO!”

Rainbow’s blunt rejection causes Smolder to hesitate as she falls to the ground, the pegasus floating down to join her and continue.

“You know what really propelled me to new heights? A challenge, brought upon me for honoring a fellow classmate,” she says as she turns to Fluttershy. “Racing for myself did little, but racing with a purpose, standing up for someone else … THAT’S what leads to total success. I’ve never forgotten that lesson, just like I know you haven’t forgotten our lessons over the past several months.”

Smolder begins to seize up.

“Smolder, we’re all here for you … your professors and your classmates. And we’ll be here for you no matter what; you can be certain of that. Fight back against whatever’s got you, and I know you’ll win …” Rainbow’s eyes glare into Smolder’s. “… because whoever else is in there, NOBODY is there for you! So GET OUT!!!

Smolder grabs her head and cries out in anguish, trembling considerably as she falls to all fours. Mist rises from her back and begins to form an ethereal image of a scowling blue pegasus.

“WHATEVER! I don’t need you … I don’t need anyone but myselfI’m …”

The mist dissipates to nothingness and all goes quiet for a moment. Soon, Smolder begins to stir; she lifts herself up and rubs the back of her neck.

“You’re back!” Ocellus squeals as she rushes over to embrace her friend.

“Heh-hey, yeah, that’s great, with all the touchy-feely and all.” Smolder raises her claws temporarily, but soon reciprocates the gesture with an embrace of her own. “I guess hugging can be OK, in small doses anyway.”

Silverstream gags. “Just get to me last, whatever you saps want to do.” She walks over to another corner of the room and lies down.

“Okie-dokey!” Pinkie Pie answers the gruff hippogriff, as the remaining professors turn to each other and shrug.

“Ah guess Ah can go next, then,” Applejack states. “And Ah think Ah know who grabbed the orange log.”

“Yona not take orange log. Yona’s log green, with red stripes and zigzagging lightning bolts.”

Applejack trots over towards Yona. “Ah’m sure it was. So, what can you tell me ‘bout this mornin’?”

“Yona see pile of logs. Yona spring into action. Take most dangerous log so others safe to grab lesser threats. That what make Yona special,” she concludes with an air of superiority.

Applejack nods. “Ah understand completely, Yona. So, Ah reckon that makes you the most special.”

“Yona greatest pony!”

“Ah see. And how strong do you believe yerself to be?”

“Yona strongest pony too!”

“Uh huh. And Ah also suppose you’re the most trustworthy of everyone here.”

Yona nods, maintaining a look bordering confidence and confusion.

“Fine … then let’s just all put that to the test, then.” Applejack pulls out a length of rope and begins tying one end to herself.

The other ponies turn to each other with strange looks. “Uh, Applejack,” Rainbow starts, “what are you doing? Shouldn’t you be giving some speech about how honesty made you the pony you are today, or something like that?”

“You do things your way,” Applejack replies as she ties the other end of the rope to Yona’s foreleg, “and Ah do things mah way.” Having secured both ends of the rope, she turns back to Yona. “Just so Ah got everything in order: you are both the strongest and most trustworthy creature in this room, correct?”

“Yona everything,” the yak replies.

“Okay, then, here’s what’s gonna happen: Ah’m gonna jump out that window, and you’re gonna pull me back in b’fore Ah hit the ground. Ah can trust you to not let anything happen to me, right?”

The other ponies look at each other in confusion. “Applejack, you can’t be serious!” Twilight remarks.

“Ah got nothin’ to worry ‘bout; Ah got Yona here to make sure Ah’m A-OK … ain’t that right?”

A shiver runs along Yona’s back. “Uh, Professor Applejack?”

“Yer not lyin’ to me when you say you can handle this, are yeh?”

Yona’s eyes dart from left to right. A moment later, she regains her self-confidence. “Absolutely … Yona totally strong and trustworthy; professor farmer pony have nothing to worry about.” A bead of sweat forms above her eye as she strains to maintain her composure.

“Well alright then. Now no one here help her, unless she asks …”

Applejack turns to the window, opens the panes, and leaps out. The rope quickly tightens, tugging hard at Yona. The yak grunts and strains to keep from edging towards the window, but the exertion proves difficult. Seconds pass as she desperately tries to pull Applejack back up, to no avail. Sweat pours down from her forehead.

Seconds later …

“AAAGH!!! YONA NOT STRONG ENOUGH! YONA NEED HELP!”

As Yona screams for assistance, a fog begins to envelop her body. Ocellus and Smolder quickly swoop in and grab at the rope; with their combined strength, the three students successfully pull Applejack back into the room. Yona falls to the ground exhausted, as the fog separates from her body and forms an image hovering over the yak … that of a confused orange pony, who looks down to see her legs already dissipating into nothingness.

“Nopethis don’t scare me in the slightest … not at allAh don’t think, anyway …”

Satisfied that her plan worked, Applejack trots over to Yona. “How ya feelin’, sugarcube?”

“Yona so sorry! Yona know Yona not that strong! Yona not special!”

“Calm down, now,” Applejack reassures. “First off, you are special. Everything you’ve accomplished since we all met you, that’s a whole lot of special there. And second …”

“Uh, professor?” Ocellus timidly interrupts, causing the earth pony to turn to her. “Aren’t we at ground level?”

Applejack breaks out a small grin. “Well, Ah’ve learned over the years that one don’t always think straight when under some duress. Sometimes it just takes a quick lapse of reason.”

The others process Applejack’s comment, before giggling at the absurdity of the situation. The room quickly becomes a place of great mirth, causing Silverstream to groan again.

“What is with you crazy ponies?” she calls out, getting Pinkie Pie’s attention.

The energetic pony pronks over to Silverstream and gives her a knowing look and sly grin. “Remember how I said we’d get to you last?” she asks, before reaching into her mane. “I lied.”

“Enough with the forced references, already!”

“Oh, enough is enough.” Pinkie states as she pulls from her mane two solitary feathers.

“What are you—” *OOF*

Pinkie lunges at Silverstream, pinning her to the ground as she mercilessly unleashes the power of twin-feathers, tickling the hippogriff beyond reason.

“HEY, STOP THAT ‘tee-hee’ WHAT’S WRONG WITH ‘ha-ha-ha’ WRONG WITH YOU, YOU CRAZY NAG ‘hee-hee-hee … CUT IT OUT ‘pfff … ah … aaah … bwah-hah-hah-hah

Flipping over, Silverstream seizes control of the battle, pinning Pinkie Pie to the ground and proceeding to tickle Pinkie Pie back. The two go after each other relentlessly, tears forming in each one’s eyes from all the laughter. In the midst of the chaos, smoke rises from Silverstream’s body; it soon forms into an angry, bitter image.

*AAAUGH!!!* “YOU ARE SO ANNOYING! FINE, Have it your way! BE some stupid, crazy creature. See if I care …”

Another pony cloud dissipates to nothingness as both Pinkie Pie and Silverstream sprawl themselves onto the ground, each one catching her breath.

“Professor … Professor Pinkie Pie,” Silverstream asks between breaths. “Is that … going to be … part of … an upcoming quiz?”

“Maybe … it’ll just be … an independent study …” Pinkie replies in kind.

“Seapony back!” Yona announces as she rushes to Silverstream and embraces her. Ocellus joins the group, while Smolder simply smiles at the spectacle.

“Wow, am I the only one here who can taste the bile?”

The group collectively turn to the sour Sandbar, who rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “Bunch of weak-willed nobodies!”

“Oh, dear.” Fluttershy trots over to Sandbar, looking the young pony right in the eyes. “Sandbar, I know you’re still in there … the first pony at this school to fully embrace the meaning of kindness towards all others. All your friends are back now, and they want you back too. You just have to fight this evil, and I know you can do it.”

Yona and Ocellus come over and stand at Fluttershy’s left, as Silverstream and Smolder take a spot to her right. All four smile broadly at their friend, who turns from one to the other.

He then razzes Fluttershy, who shuts her eyes to avoid the spittle.

Smiles fade as the students shake their heads. Fluttershy urges them to be resolute: “You’ve all been through a lot now, and we know this won’t be easy.” She turns back towards the pony. “Sandbar, we all know this isn’t the real you. We all act out of frustration at times, but the love and compassion for our friends is always within us, just like it’s still within you, waiting to return to the surface.”

Sandbar yawns. “You’re really terrible at giving speeches.”

Fluttershy’s ears droop.

“Now why don’t you just go back to your mindless, stupid animal friends. And get a manecut.”

Sandbar sniggers to himself as Fluttershy blinks once, void of all expression.

“Sandbar,” she says in a low voice, “I know you can hear me. Just be ready to push back.”

Sandbar snorts. “What’s that supposed to—”

“NOW LOOK HERE YOU BIG MEANIE …”

Sandbar recoils in fear, his eyes fixated by the pegasus’s gaze.

“I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOUR INSULTS, AND I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOUR CONDESCENSION! ALL YOU ARE IS A SICK, TWISTED, HORRIBLE EXCUSE FOR A SPIRIT THAT NOPONY WANTS TO KNOW. NOW GIVE BACK OUR FRIEND AND GET THE HAY OUT OF HERE!!!

As Fluttershy punctuates her final sentiment, a mist forms from Sandbar’s back. The gaseous entity forms into a recognizable image.

“Oh, boo hoo. Some precious little snowflake got her feelings hurt. Want someone to kiss it and make it feel better? …”

Sandbar looks around the room, then turns to his Kindness professor as she takes several deep breaths. “Whoa … pretty gnarly there.”

“Sandbar,” Ocellus says. “How’re you feeling?”

“Better,” he replies simply. “Anyone else remembering what happened to us?”

“Last thing I remember was grabbing that blue log near the Tree of Harmony,” Smolder states. “After that, it was all like playing a role in someone else’s life.”

“Yona not like someone else in control of Yona’s life.”

“Well what’s important is it seems you’re all back to normal,” Twilight points out to the group. “Once Gallus gets here, we can rid him of whatever curse befell you and—”

A knocking interrupts Twilight’s address. Her horn glows as the door opens. “Spike, you’re just in time,” she starts, before noticing the concerned look on her assistant’s face. “Where’s Gallus?”

“Gone.”