Thomas slowly opened his eyes and immediately wished he hadn’t. The sun seemed to shine on him with murderous intent, sowing pain and agony through his brain. He shielded his eyes and looked around the room. Nothing seemed extraordinarily out of place, though he did wonder as to why he was completely pantless.
He pushed himself up and felt his right hand come into contact with something warm and fuzzy. He looked around and saw that he was touching Princess Luna’s neck. “So that did happen,” he muttered calmly. This calmness disappeared when he noticed that her mane and tail were flowing like on an invisible wind, and he fell off the bed as he tried to get away. “Oof!”
The sound of the man hitting the floor was enough to shake Luna from her tenuous slumber. “Oh my head,” she groaned. “Never again.” She looked around the room and blinked. “Wait. This isn’t my room. Where am I?”
“I think I landed on my Pip-Boy,” the Courier muttered in pain from his place on the floor.
Luna’s eyes went wide and her ears shot up when she heard his voice. “Oh no...” she said quietly. “I didn’t...” she whispered as she crawled over to the source.
“Oh, we did,” Thomas replied. He pushed himself up carefully, rubbing the bruise from where he had landed on his Pip-Boy. “Though I can’t exactly remember much in the way of details. I do remember screaming, though,” he said from where he was seated on the floor.
Luna’s coat seemed to turn about ten shades paler at that last comment. “Oh me... Please tell me I didn’t...”
The door to the room creaked open, and the head of Princess Celestia made itself visible. She looked around the room, her gaze stopping on her sister and the human. Thomas instinctively brought his hands over his crotch. Luna’s expression became one of complete horror when she saw the sly smile her sister had.
“Luna, I won’t question your taste in bedroom partners, but do try to keep it down,” she said. “Other ponies do need to sleep.” The indigo alicorn turned so red she thought (and hoped) she would spontaneously combust. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to contact a few glaziers.”
As the door closed, Luna smacked her head into the frame of the bed. Repeatedly. “Why why why why why!?” she asked, each word punctuated with a crack as her skull connected with the wood.
So, apparently, we were at it so hard her screams woke up every single pony in the castle. And broke more than a few windows. You have no idea how awkward I felt.
Anyway, after that, I went to breakfast. Yes I had clothes on, what do you take me for? Luna just teleported straight to her room. I guess she was too embarassed. Yes, very funny.
To say that the meal of the day was an awkward affair would be like saying that space is cold. Technically true, but so very lacking in detail and depth. It didn’t help that most of the other ponies seemed to only be half-awake, with the guards present seemingly traumatised. Luna and Thomas did their best to avoid each other’s gaze as they ate in silence. Celestia, Twilight and Applejack watched the pair, the latter two in confusion.
“So, I trust everyone slept well?” Princess Celestia asked the room at large.
Princess Luna’s eyes went wide and she gulped. No. Her sister was not doing this. Surely not.
Twilight Sparkle noticed her reaction but said nothing of it. “Fine, princess. I think I heard somepony screaming, though I may have been imagining it.”
“Nah, Ah heard it too,” Applejack said. “Whoever it was, they were mighty loud.”
It took all of Luna’s willpower not to teleport to the moon and hide there for the next century. Oh, relax, Lulu, Celestia said telepathically. Luna was sure she could feel the mirth. There’s nothing to be ashamed about.
There is when you wake up the whole castle, Luna shot back. Why did you let me drink so much? You know how I get.
You seemed to be enjoying yourself, Celestia replied, sipping from her glass of orange juice. I wasn’t going to take that away from you.
I rather that you did and save me from humiliating myself, Luna grumbled.
Oh calm down, Lulu. They won’t begrudge you for having a good time.
Like the councillors did when they found you sandwiched between those two Diamond Dogs? Luna replied.
Everyone got a shock when Celestia’s face turned a bright red for no apparent reason. We agreed not to talk about that! Celestia yelled hotly over the link.
Luna’s expression went from annoyance to joy a little too quickly. Shall I tell them, Tia? Tell them that their virginal princess is anything but? she said nastily
Don’t you dare. Celestia’s telepathic ‘voice’ had become dangerously low, the kind of low best associated with murderous rage.
It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Luna replied evilly, echoing her sister. Just relax.
What I did over a thousand years ago is not their concern! Celestia looked away from her sister, trying not to let her win.
So you have moved on from Diamond Dogs? Luna asked innocently. Is it griffons now? Or perhaps minotaurs? Heavens forbid, not your own guard, surely?
Celestia mentally spluttered as she scrambled to construct a coherent response. Before she could, her sister shot another remark her way, one that pushed her over the edge.
Please tell me you haven’t been abusing Shape Shifter’s cloning spell, she said, sounding slightly disturbed by the very notion.
ENOUGH! Celestia screamed over the link.
While the princesses had their little ‘discussion’, Applejack and Thomas were having one of their own.
“Ah wanna say Ah’m sorry. Yer a right decent sort, and it was wrong of me to judge you so harshly.”
Thomas blinked. “I was not expecting this. Er, thanks?”
“It’s just that, when Ah saw you fight those Dogs, it was like a completely different pony. Ah thought that it was just an act, the way ya were before,” the farmer admitted. “Ah couldn’t rightly see how ya could be so kind, and so darn scary as well.”
The Courier sighed. “To do what I do, you have to be a bit two-faced. In a fight, it’s a completely different part of me, one that enjoys it. Doesn’t help that when I have a job, I kinda get a little... caught up in it. Only reason I went after Benny in the first place.” Applejack tilted her head in confusion, not knowing what he was referring to. “And when the job means I have to hurt people... I try to make it as quick as possible. I don’t want to know what’ll happen if that other side stays in control too long.”
Applejack was silent, taking all that in. She could see where the man was coming from. She didn’t really understand, and doubted she ever would, but she could tell that every word was sincere. He spoke nothing but the truth.
“If’n ya don’t mind me askin’, why did ya react so badly to those Dogs?” she asked. It was something that had bothered constantly, and she wanted an answer.
He stayed silent for so long she thought he wouldn’t answer. “Just after I found Benny, I was offered a chance to talk with Caesar, the man who commanded the Legion. I decided to go, simply because I wanted to know what I was dealing with. Knowledge is power, and all that,” he said, gesturing aimlessly with one hand. “Anyway, I got to The Fort, and they took most of my weapons. I came across a young girl, about ten I think? Her name was Melody. She told me that all she did was tend to the animals. But the way she said it...”
All the ponies had gone silent, even the princesses, having finished their little argument. They watched the Courier intently, waiting for him to finish.
“I talked to her a bit longer. What I found out, what she told me...” He sighed and lowered his head. “I went and killed the guards and got my weapons. Then I killed every single soldier in that camp. When I got to Caesar, I put two holes in his head before he could even open his mouth. His guards didn’t last much longer,” he finished, his voice so full of malice that even Celestia was shaken.
“What inspired you to create such a bloodbath?” Luna asked.
“They were raping her,” he replied darkly. The ponies gaped at the news. “She was only a child, and every night, one of those sick bastards would force himself onto her.”
“And ya thought...” Applejack’s voice trailed off.
“I thought your sister and her friends were going to go through that same ordeal,” Thomas said, finishing her sentence.
“What happened to Melody?” Twilight asked, unable to imagine what could drive a being to do something so wrong to one so innocent.
“I took her to the Followers of the Apocalypse. They try to educate people about the best ways to survive. Medicine and such,” he explained. “I didn’t know if they would be much help, but there was nowhere else to go. Last I heard, Melody was helping run errands for the Followers in Freeside.” Thomas smiled. “She seems so much happier now.”
“That...” Luna didn’t have a chance to say any more because at that moment Rarity decided to walk in.
“Twilight? What are you doing here?” the purple-maned pony asked.
“What do you mean?” the lavender bookworm asked back. “I’ve been here for about half an hour.”
“But I just saw you walk into Fluttershy’s room,” Rarity explained worriedly.
“Courier!” Luna exclaimed, rising from her seat.
“What?” he asked, still a little caught up in the story he had just finished recounting.
“Come with me!” she ordered.
Surely you can wait, Lulu, Celestia said teasingly over their link.
We may finally have a link regarding the theft, and all you can do is joke? Luna replied venomously. This is no time for such things.
Celestia blinked, unaccustomed to hearing such poison in her sister’s words. But, the younger princess had a point. Of course, Lulu, forgive me.
“What’s going on?” Thomas asked, still confused as to what was going on.
“We may finally have a suspect regarding your stolen belongings.”
“Really?” Thomas asked, jumping up from his seat, sounding the liveliest he ever had. He cracked his knuckles in a threatening fashion. “About fucking time.”
So, off we went to Fluttershy’s room, the five of us. I’m not used to having so much back-up. It felt good.
Well, we got there and, fucking strangest thing I’ve ever seen, Twilight was talking to Fluttershy. But Twilight was right next to Celestia as well. I knew these Changelings were capable of that, but I never thought it’d be so flawless. At least, until the other Twilight saw us and her eyes turned green. And I mean “radioactive waste” green, complete with glowing. I get the feeling that it was going to attack us, but I never gave it the chance.
Punching one of those things is like punching a radscorpion. But they go down pretty easy, it was out like a light. Let me tell you, those fuckers look weird. They stand like the rest of the ponies but they’ve got this black shell - carapace? That’s the word? Well, yeah, one of those. They have strange holes in their legs, no idea what they’re for. No, they go all the way through. Wings like the ones off of a bloatfly, a jagged pointy horn and... Oh boy the eyes. You’ve seen a cazadore’s eyes, right? Well, just like that, but blue. Like, sky blue. It was creepy.
No, the weirdest part was the fact that, somehow, despite the fact that they’ve got that solid carapace, the face was just as expressive as the ponies’. I dunno, maybe there’s so many small plates or something. We didn’t dissect it, what is wrong with you?
Author’s Notes:
I don’t really have anything to say.
Enjoy, I guess?
Also, my co-author/proofreader disappeared before I could get his opinion on the latter half, so expect that to suddenly change.