My Little Argonian: Family is Sacred

by Warren Peace

Till Death do us Part (Pt2|Ch9)

Silence dwelt for a time after the name left my lips, and for a moment I could almost see him there again; calling out my name one last time as I shifted my aim and fired at the fleeing target. Before I could nock another arrow he was dead and everything was red.
“What happened?” Rain interrupted my thoughts.
“A story for another time,” I replied, looking away and blinking quickly, Something in my eye…
“Well, c’mon, you can’t just tell me your brother’s name and just call it quits,” I waved her off, taking a gulp from my glass, only to find it empty. Grabbing the bottle, I found it empty too.
How much did I drink? “Some other time,” I stressed the words again, “I still have packing to do.”
“Aram…”
“Not now, Rain!” I snapped, slamming my fist down on the table.
She jumped at the noise, but conceded: “Yeesh, okay, okay! Touchy subject, been there, done that, I get it.”
“Thank you,” I said, settling down, “Maybe...maybe after we finish the contract.”
“Hey, it’s a deal!” Rain offered a hoof across the table and, after a moment, I took the furry, cloven appendage and shook. Something...something had changed after I spoke Aventus’ name, I felt somehow lighter, perhaps more free.
Just the alcohol...haven’t had a good drink in ages, I told myself, suddenly realizing that my hand was still gripping Rain’s hoof. It felt strange there, and not just from the weird grippy feeling that pony hooves seemed to have (how did such an appendage grip things anyways?), there was...something more.
“Heh, um, sorry…” Rain trailed off, pulling her hoof back, “Deal?”
I considered a moment, “Deal.”

Dawn...

“Be safe, Moonbeam,” Choc gave a nod to the unicorn, then to Rain, “Rain,” and finally to me, “Yashcheritsa.”
“We’ll be safe, I promise,” Moonbeam smiled, giving the earth pony a quick embrace.
‘Don’t mess up too badly!’ I turned a soft glare to Discord’s statue, ‘What? I’m rooting for you! Go team Sithis!’
“We’ll be back,” I said to nopony in particular.
I flinched as there was a sudden sound of someone blowing their nose into a handkerchief, followed by a loud explosion, ‘Farewell!’ a suddenly tearful Discord spoke up, ‘Oh, how I’ll miss you, my darling!’
“Okay, we’re leaving!” I said, turning on my heel and making a hasty retreat towards the main entrance. Rain and Moonbeam followed with confused frowns.
‘What? Was it something I said…’ I heard Discord’s voice ask, fading as I reached the limit of our...bizarre connection.
Immortals, my mind seemed to shrug, What can you do?

There wasn’t much conversation as we started out, everyone was a little nervous. Even I was feeling a knot in my guts; Equestria was entirely unknown to me, nothing like the familiar, cold misery of Skyrim. We had crossed the bridge and started on the path to Ponyville when we made our first pit stop.
“I see you are armed, should I be alarmed?” Zecora rhymed from just behind.
My acolytes and I jumped, turning and spotting the strange, cloaked Zebra watching us from the path to our rear. I motioned for them to settle as the zebra simply stood there, looking relaxed with her hood back.
Quiet thing… I mentally grumbled, “You’re in no danger, Zecora,” I replied with the truth, crossing my arms as I turned to her. My acolytes stayed ahead of me on the path, “There’s somepony who needs our help.”
“If by ‘help’ you mean ‘hurt’ then I shall be quite alert.”
“I didn’t say that,” I replied, uncrossing my arms and turning back to the path.
“Before you go, perhaps you should know…” Zecora stopped me with a warning, “Ponyville is in uproar, it seems they are quite sore,” at my curious look, she continued, “A statue has been removed from Canterlot. A long ways away, quite a distance to trot. Stolen last night, it caused quite the fright...”
I merely gave a shrug, “Thanks for the warning, I’ll keep a sharp eye out.”
“See that you do…” Zecora said, trailing off.
I frowned when she didn’t continue.
Odd creature, my mind commented.
Very, I agreed, turning and gesturing for my acolytes to follow.
Zecora remained where she was, watching my back until the forest had swallowed me and I’d moved out of earshot, “...Many eyes are watching you.”

Heeding Zecora’s advice, we took the long way around, avoiding Ponyville altogether. There was no real rush and we’d decided against using the train system, better to leave as few breadcrumbs as possible when it came to murder. Vanhoover was only a few days walk and there were no scheduled storms on our route.
Scheduled storms! My mind remarked, There’s something you don’t get to say very often!
I’d never had a horse back in Skyrim, when one of my targets was in some far-reaching place, I walked. It was a good way to collect ingredients and it gave me time to think on how I could take out my target.
And more importantly, it let me be alone.
No such luck regarding that, my mind commented, drawing my eyes back to Rain and Moonbeam, each with their own set of packed saddlebags.
“Just like old times, eh, Moonbeam?” Rain asked with a devious grin, “Roaming the countryside in search of pockets to pick and skulls to crack together.”
“In search of adventure!” Moonbeam gulped, trying to put on a brave face, “Only now our end goal is killing a pony,” he turned his head away, staring off towards the horizon.
Rain frowned, eyes finding mine as she gave a shrug. Speeding her pace, she caught up to me, “So…” she started.
“Yes?” I asked.
“You ever killed a pony like this before?” Rain asked, “Any tips or tricks? You got a game plan?”
Thinking back with a contemplative scowl, I considered a moment before something clicked, “There was this crotchety, old breton once…”
“Sorry, question,” Rain interrupted me, “Breton?”
“Like nords, but magical,” I answered simply.
“What’s a nord?” Moonbeam asked, keeping pace behind us.
“Like Aram, but not like Aram,” Rain answered for me, “Flat faces, no tail, smooth skin, and a mane or something, I dunno.”
“Weird,” Moonbeam said, studying me more intently for a moment.
“There was an old breton,” I continued, “The old fool wouldn’t die naturally and he was sitting on a wealth of gold and valuables, all in his will. Suffice to say, his sons were getting tired of his breathing so they took out a contract on him to speed things up.
“It was actually supposed to be easy, the old fool could hardly even crap on his own. I know, I watched him for a day or two before I actually killed him.”
“Ew,” Moonbeam commented with a scrunched nose.
“He’s an old stallion...er, breton, why not just walk up and kill him?” Rain inquired, with a laugh, “What’s he gonna do, breathe his old grandsire breath on you?”
“He incinerated the first assassin they sent to kill him,” I countered flatly, seeing Rain’s smile die on her face, “Probably because he thought the same way that you do.
“This old man wasn’t a fool, he’d studied magic all his life and knew it like he knew it like the back of his hand. After the first assassin he set up runes all around the house...magical traps,” I added at the look I got from the ponies, “And he kept recasting a spell that made his skin as strong as ebony...the ore, not the…” I grumbled at the second odd look I got, “He cast a spell that made his skin almost impervious to damage...almost.
“But he had a habit that he kept to, I told you he could hardly crap by himself?” My two acolytes nodded, “Well, his outhouse was a short walk from his home.”
“So you got him while he was on the shitter?” Rain asked.
“Ew,” Moonbeam said again.
“Not quite so simply, but yes, I shot him on his way back. Only thing is I knew he cast a life detection spell before he left so I had to be a ways away to remain undetected. I poisoned one of my arrows with a paralysis poison, lay in wait a ways away, and shot him when he went to return to his home.
“From there it was as simple as getting down there before the poison wore off, while avoiding a couple runes, and opening his neck with one of my knives.”
“Clever,” Rain smiled.
“But not super helpful if we’re talking about our current situation,” Moonbeam put in, “No poisons and it needs to look like an accident.”
“Okay, maybe not exactly what we need, but with some similarities,” Rain said, turning her head to Moonbeam, “We monitor Spruced Up, find a habit to exploit, and exploit it, right?” she looked back to me.
“Right,” I said.

Outside Vanhoover…

“Why would you think getting a room at a local inn would be a good idea?” I asked, looking down from the small rocky clearing amidst what the ponies called the Unicorn Range. Below us sat a set of dim lights marking Vanhoover in the predawn darkness, “We’re trying not to be seen.”
“Well I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t mind sleeping in an actual bed again,” Rain replied, “Or taking a nice, hot shower, maybe?” I turned towards her and Moonbeam, taking a break from our trek up the mountains, “And besides, we can just bribe the check in pony, skip the whole sign in process, I’ll say me and Moonbeam are eloping and want to keep low for a few days, let the old mister and missus cool off or whatever.”
“That one has always worked for us in the past,” Moonbeam added.
“And what happens when, after our target’s unfortunate accident, the authorities decide to ask the innkeep about any strange visitors?” I countered, folding my arms, “What happens if they give a description of these two elopers?”
“Well if we bribe them with enough bits…” Rain started.
“No,” I settled the debate, setting down my pack and clearing a spot for my sleeping bag, “We camp here and move on the estate at first light. Now get some rest.”

...

“Hey, Aram, hey! Wake up!” I felt someone shaking my shoulder. Blearily, I opened my eyes, squinting against a blazing...moon? Why…how was the moon on fire? I startled as I found myself in a bed floating in a great ocean, my armor replaced with a set of striped pajamas, “Well, don’t really wake up, I need to talk to you.”
I turned to spot Discord floating next to my bed.
What in oblivion? I wondered.
“Yes, what in oblivion indeed,” Discord said, snapping his fingers. A pair of glasses materialized upside down on his head, a feather and a small notepad appearing in his hands, “Now, what’s your favorite food?”
“What?”
“What is. Your. Favorite. Food?” Discord sounded out.
“I...apples?” I said, not quite sure what was going on, “Why..?”
“Hm?” Discord said, scribbling furiously, “Oh, Luna’s trying to get into your dream. Probably not the best idea to let her in what with where you are and what you’re doing, best to let her think you’re snuggled in tight here in the old castle.”
“How does knowing my favorite food..?” I began, staring at the bizarre mismatch of animals in front of me, “You know what, forget it, it’s apples. Can I go back to sleep now?”
“You’re already asleep, this is a dream, after all!” Discord said, glancing from me to his notepad, “Now, what kind of apples would you say are your favorite?”
“What?”
“What kind. Of apples…”
“Red!” I grumbled, “Fornication, I don’t know!”
“Red…” Discord said as he wrote, “Fornication apples, hm, never heard of that kind before! Red delicious, sure, but never red fornication!”
I merely fixed the spirit of chaos a scowl, crossing my arms as I sat up in the bed.
“I know, I know,” Discord said with a grin, flicking his glasses into the air (whereupon they sprouted wings and flew away) and tossing the notepad into his mouth before using the quill to wipe his lips, “Mmm, tastes like apples!”
“Do you have something to report or are you just here to tell me about Luna and bug me about apples?”
Discord gave a shrug, “I dunno, kinda thought we might have a little bro-date. Have a little heart to heart, I’m bored and Choc’s asleep so I can’t make her run around the castle chasing sounds anymore. Besides, I think she’s catching on! She gave me the most scandalous look today.”
“You’re doing what? Ugh!” With an exasperated grumble, I lay back down in the bed, squeezing my eyes shut in an effort to wake myself up. Water sloshed peacefully against my floating bed, the moon burning down on my face...as I felt something suddenly squirming against the scales of my chest.
Scowling, I opened my eyes and glared down, spotting a miniature Discord poking his upper body out from under my shirt. He had his chin supported with his hands, staring at me with a small smile.
“Hey,” he said.
Growling, I rolled off the bed, splashing into the water...

And sputtered awake, sitting up in my sleeping bag with dawn’s light spilling across the horizon.
“Fornicating gods,” I muttered, laying back down for a moment. At the very least he was proving himself useful in keeping Luna away.
Such a pestersome pony, maybe someone will decide to take out a contract on her! My mind spoke up, Royalty is always a prime target for culling!
One can only hope, I thought, getting up with a quick stretch, “All right, ponies!” I spoke up, moving over to the other two sleeping bags and nudging the others awake with my boot.
“Ugh, ow!” Moonbeam complained, stretching out his back like a cat, “Think I slept on a rock or something.”
“Well don’t do that next time,” I said, rolling up my bag, “Light breakfast, nothing hot. I don’t want any fires, then we move out.”

The mansion was situated near the base of the Unicorn Range, surrounded in parts by grassy meadows and extensive gardens. Both had seen better days, with weeds and ankle-high grasses evidence that, as Hoity had said, the staff had been removed from the premises.
“Almost looks abandoned,” Moonbeam commented as he peered through a set of binoculars, “Lights are all out, nopony home.”
“Might be a late sleeper,” Rain beat me to the obvious, “Maybe I should sneak down there and take a closer look,” she continued, rising to her hooves and flaring out her wings.
“No,” I stopped her, “stay down, if he sees you this could all be over.”
“We don’t even know if he’s home,” Rain gestured downwards with a hoof, “besides, I’ll fly in low, keep to the shadows.”
“No, Rain,” I said again, “There’s almost nowhere to hide down there, Hoity Toity said Spruced Up would be here, so be patient and wait.”
“Hoity Toity also said…”
“Tenet three, Rain!” I snapped, “Never disobey or refuse to carry out an order…”
“From you, yeah, fine, I got it,” Rain grumbled back, settling down with a mutter.
“Wait, I think…” Moonbeam spoke up, focusing in on the mansion.
“What, do you see him?” Rain asked, eyes squinting across the distance.
“Thought I saw movement through one of the windows...there, I spotted him! He’s moving down a hallway on the second floor, wearing a robe or a nightgown or something.”
“Late sleeper,” Rain commented.
“He’s out of view from the window, lost him again.”
“Well we know he’s here, now,” I said, “Let’s see what his schedule consists of.”

It was an hour and some change later that Spruced Up was spotted again, this time trotting down a short gravel drive to a different building. This one was short and squat, with few windows and a series of large doors.
“That’s a garage,” Moonbeam answered my query, “place for storing carriages.”
“I thought he didn’t have any staff on hoof, what’s he going to the garage for?” Rain asked, silence falling as we watched. A few minutes later one of the large doors opened and a carriage rolled out, sans pullers.
“It’s an auto-carriage,” Moonbeam didn’t look up from his binoculars, “It’s driven by magical enchantments, no pullers required. The rider puts in the destination and the carriage drives there. Pretty useful, actually, but damn are they expensive; I should know, tried to fence one a few years back, re-enchanted the gem and everything.”
“All right,” I said, standing and checking my gear once the carriage was gone, “Rain, fly down there and find the exits, Moonbeam, you’re on my tail. We’ll make our way inside and scout the place out,” I turned to Moonbeam as Rain leapt into the air and zipped off down the mountain, “No thievery!”
“Okay, okay, got it!” Moonbeam grumbled, following me down

“Five exits, one front, right, and rear, two left,” Rain reported, touching down next Moonbeam and me as we finished our trek across the long grass, “Six if you count the one leading out to the balcony.
“Two going to the garage, and two to the smaller servant’s building,” she finished, looking proud of a job well done.
“Any loose stones or gargoyles overlooking the balcony that we might be able to drop onto an unsuspecting enemy’s head?” I asked, recalling tales of assassinations before my time in the dark brotherhood.
“I, uh, no...I don’t know,” Rain admitted, mood dipping, “But you didn’t ask…”
“Every exit is a chokepoint and every chokepoint is a killzone, nobody expects to be killed entering or leaving their home. Sometimes the time it takes to lock or unlock a door is all the time you need to kill a target, drop a loose statue on their head for example.”
“You could’ve said that before,” Rain grumbled.
“You could’ve thought of it sooner,” I countered with a frown.
“Okay, we’re here!” Moonbeam spoke up, ending the conversation and dropping his horn to the back door, “Now shh! Let me concentrate for a second.”
Rain and I gave Moonbeam the silence he needed, scanning the area and seeing nothing out of the ordinary. He waved and weaved his horn over the door, eyes closed and horn glowing for almost a minute before the light died and his eyes opened.
“Okay, he’s got magical alarms and the lock is enchanted,” Moonbeam finally said, pausing in thought.
“What does that mean?” I asked.
“If we step inside, the alarm is triggered. I don’t know if it’s a silent alarm or not, but either would spell certain doom for the mission. The enchanted lock simply means that if you try to pick it without disarming the enchantment, you’ll get a faceful of magic,” Moonbeam explained, “I can deal with both, but it might take a minute, so just bear with me.”
“We don’t need to get inside if you can’t disarm it,” I said, “If there’s any doubt…”
“I can do it,” Moonbeam interrupted me, horn lighting up again, “Just give me a couple minutes, okay?”
“Fine,” I turned away from the door, surveying the grounds around the mansion. The grasses were starting to get tall and the gardens overgrown. If that was any indication, our target didn’t go outside much, or just didn’t care if his backyard looked messy.
“Hey, what’s that up there?” Rain pointed up the side of the mountain, an unusual shape about a quarter of the way up garnering my attention, “Moonbeam, lemme borrow your binocs.”
“Sure,” Moonbeam replied, jerking his head back to a set of compact saddlebags.
Procuring the binoculars, Rain panned up onto the spot on the mountain.
“It’s just an old rope bridge, spans across a gap in a trail a ways up the mountain,” Rain said, lowering the binoculars.
“Okay,” Moonbeam spoke up, horn light fading as he opened the door with a hoof, “We’re in!”
“Carefully and quietly,” I muttered as we moved inside, boot enchantments muffling our movement, “we only think this place is empty.”
“Don’t worry, we’ve had plenty of experience with breaking and entering,” Rain whispered with a sharp smile.
Moving onwards in silence, we combed through the mansion. Room by room, it became increasingly clear that the place had seen little use for some time. Dust covered everything, from old armchairs to grand paintings, even the air seemed to sparkle with it.
A great, wide kitchen area with enough room for a handful of chefs seemed largely unused with a mass of unwashed dinnerware crowding the sinks.
“Somepony’s got a fondness for takeout,” Rain noted, closing an enchanted pantry crowded with mix-mashed boxes of food, “Most of these rich snobs can’t cook to save their lives.”
“Or clean up after themselves, ick,” Moonbeam commented, peering through the sink before we moved on.
“Maybe we could pretend to be delivery ponies, work that into killing him somehow,” Rain thought out loud, smiling to herself.
“What now?” I asked, checking the hallway before sneaking onwards.
“You know, show up to his home pretending to be delivering food,” Rain explained.
“Yeah, but how would we know he had even ordered something?” Moonbeam didn’t seem to be convinced.
“We wouldn’t, we’d have the addresses mixed up, hope he takes the bait and just accepts some free food,” Rain continued with her plan, “I mean, he’s got to be hurting for bits or else he’d have hired some help.”
“What advantage does that give us?” I countered, keeping my eyes on the hallway ahead, “We’re already inside his home and we can’t use poison.”
“Allergies..?” Rain offered, “Maybe he can’t eat honey or something.”
“We don’t know if he has...allergies,” I replied, What does that even mean?
“Well I don’t see you offering up any bright ideas,” Rain muttered.
“We haven’t been here long enough to establish any habits or weaknesses,” I scowled back, “Have patience, rush this and you will fail.”
Rain gave a low grumble, but didn’t pursue the conversation further.

There were numerous bedrooms, living rooms, dining rooms, and a massive wine cellar deep within the belly of the mansion. But whether we went high or we went low, I was failing to see anything that might let us accidentally kill our target.
Only a few paintings littered the walls, none of them with enough heft to kill if dropped on an unsuspecting head. Each balcony was designed with safety in mind, all with secure balustrades and railings that wouldn’t fail in a thousand years. The few chandeliers were poorly placed and too well secured to be used in the same manner.
“Basically, with modification magic, I can make it so that the tensile strength of the chain becomes that of, say, a strand of string or paper,” Moonbeam explained as we moved out of a dining room with sparkling chandelier positioned over the table, “But I’d have to be here, with line of sight to the rope and he’d need to be under it and, well…” Moonbeam trailed off, looking a little sick at the thought of crushing a pony to death.
You could always just open his throat with a knife, forget the bonus… my mind didn’t seem convinced as we moved into another long hallway, making our way down.
We need to start strong, show what we’re capable of, I retorted, Something will come up, no home this large is accident-proof.
“Wait, shh, what’s that!?” Moonbeam hissed, stopping mid-trot and cocking his ears.
Rain followed suit, ears shifting this way and that as she searched for whatever it was the unicorn had heard. Frowning at their more sensitive ears, I was forced to simply glare around for any sign of trouble.
“That’s a key turning!” Rain whispered, looking to me in questioning alarm, “He’s home!”
I managed to pick out the sound of a door slamming shut somewhere else in the mansion, dropping to a knee and whispering just loud enough to be heard: “Time to go!”
Moonbeam looked relieved, peering around as he looked for a speedy exit, but Rain kept her ears twitching and cocked, feathered wings ruffling with throwing blades visible between her feathers. She almost looked like a sabre cat with the scent of prey, searching for an opportunity to pounce.
“Rain!” I whispered, making her flinch, “We’re done for now, we’ll watch from afar, now follow me.”
Rain pouted for a moment, but then nodded and gestured for me to lead.
A set of hooves clip clopped through the mansion, stopping here and there, but never coming close enough to warrant our worry. Soon enough, we were outside and Moonbeam was relocking the door. We made our way to the overgrown garden, keeping out of view from the mansion until we could make our way back up the mountain to a better vantage point.

“Pretty sure he’s gone to sleep by now,” Moonbeam said, taking his eyes away from the binoculars as he stifled a yawn, “All but the porch lights are out, no movement inside for almost an hour now.”
“Day one down and nothing to show for it,” Rain grumbled from her sleeping bag.
“Maybe not,” I said after thinking for a moment. A plan started to form in my head as I thought over the day’s events. Until now I’d only really considered things that I myself could do, assassinations that I’d completed in the past. But now, looking between my two acolytes, I began to think of something in which I didn’t even need to be a part.
“Moonbeam, binoculars,” I held forth my hand before adding: “...please.”
“Sure,” the unicorn floated them over to me, moving aside so I could take his spot. Instead, I panned the binoculars over the mountain.
Moonbeam gave me an odd look, “What are you looking for?”
“There,” I found it, now making my way back down the mountain, “That could work…”
“What could work?” Rain asked, perking up from her sleeping bag.
“I’ll tell you…” I began.

The Mansion...

Spruced Up blinked bleary eyes as sunlight streamed across his bedsheets; rubbing at them with a hoof, he glanced at the time and laid back down in bed for another few minutes. He was about to call for a servant to shut the blinds, but then remembered that Hoity Toity had called them all away.
The thought of his lover brought a sour taste to his mouth, former lover, he had to remind himself. Knowing he’d have to close the blinds himself, he figured he may as well get on with his morning. So he tossed away the covers and went about his morning routine alone.
Flush, shower, brush, floss, gargle, spit.
After rinsing out the sink, Spruced Up headed downstairs to the kitchen and had a healthy breakfast of cold coffee and two-day-old sandwiches from a restaurant in town. The bread was stiff and the hay fries were soggy and almost unbearable. Spruced Up washed away the foul taste with the coffee, the caffeine making him feel a little better.
His dishes went into the sink with a clatter and another reminder to hire some help to clean up around here once he owned the place.
Breakfast (or rather brunch) finished, he trotted down the empty, dust-laden halls, searching for some inspiration. Hoity Toity might be the king of clothing, but Spruced Up was the master of furniture; chairs, tables, couches, anything and everything a pony might furnish their home with, even the kitchen sink! But looking around this place, he could only think about Hoity’s stupid, pompous face.
Grumbling to himself, he went outside, trotting over the untrimmed grass to the garage where his auto-carriage was waiting. He hopped inside, tapping the enchanted gemstone that powered his ride, and commanded it to take him into town.
As the mansion faded behind him, he felt himself ridded of Hoity’s foul presence. Yes, he decided, already he felt his mind was being freed from the dust and dreariness of the old mansion. Once he got it in the settlement he’d make it his own, tearing down the tapestries and replacing the gaudy old look with a fresher feng shui that lifted the spirits and opened the mind! He liked the sound of that, smiling as he peered out a window. His smile faded into a frown, however, as he found the scenery unfamiliar to him.
“What path is this?” he wondered aloud, poking his head out the window. He’d gone down the path to Vanhoover enough times to know it now, and this certainly wasn’t it! It appeared as if it was headed for the mountains above the mansion, up and old, winding path.
“Carriage, take me to Vanhoover!” he stressed the word in case the enchantment had misunderstood him, yet the carriage continued onwards.
“Carriage, stop!” Spruced Up commanded, “Stop, carriage, stop!” he tried again, tapping the green gemstone set in the panel in front of him.
Starting to panic, Spruced Up pulled open the carriage door, staring wide-eyed down at the fast-moving ground below. Before he could make up his mind on whether or not to abandon ship, a flurry of dark feathers and flesh knocked him back inside, forcing him back into his seat.
“Please, take whatever you want, but don’t..!” Spruced Up began to cry out, silenced by a dark hoof and a bright pair of eyes.
“Shh!” the intruder hissed, “Quiet down, I’m not here to hurt you, mister Spruced Up,” When he started to relax, the intruder backed up and took a seat on the opposite bench.
She was a pegasus, wearing a black and crimson suit, synthetic leather maybe? Hoity Toity would have known. A dagger was sheathed at her breast, within easy reach of her maw.
“Oh, don’t worry about this, mister Spruced Up,” the mare said with a calming smile, touching the hilt with a hoof.
“What’s going on here?” Spruced Up asked, glancing to the door again, “Who are you? What are you doing here!? Why..?”
“I’m special agent Storm Shadow, Equestrian Royal Guard,” the mare held up a hoof to quiet his questions, “We have intel suggesting kidnappers were going to try and capture you today for ransom. We’re currently taking you to protective custody so we can place a team in place to intercept the kidnappers. Once they’re apprehended, we’ll release you and you’ll be able to go on your way.”
“I...but...h-how do I know you’re telling the truth, this all sounds so crazy! Kidnappers and...and my carriage going off on its own like this! Why would I be a target for kidnapping anyways!?”
The mare shrugged, “I keep up on the tabloids, mister Spruced Up, it’s no secret that there’s bad blood between you and that Hoity Toity fellow. Maybe he’s responsible, maybe he’s intending to send in kidnappers to bag you and scare you into submission? We can’t know for sure until we capture them.”
“I...er, well, okay...b-but what about...I have a lawyer and I’d like to speak with her, if you wouldn’t mind! She’s taken up residence locally so she can be nearer me and…”
“Miss Just Law is already on site at the safe house, we picked her up earlier today.”
“Might I be able to get a message out to her? By magic fire or..?” Spruced Up began.
“Negative,” the mare cut in quickly, shaking her head, “We, uh, need to keep this all under wraps, no magic message traffic. If the kidnappers intercept the letter, they’ll know we’re onto them and bail.
“Besides,” the mare continued with a smile, “We’ll be there in a matter of minutes, just sit tight, okay?”
“But I’ve got a secure voice transmitter bracelet,” Spruced Up explained, retrieving a gilded bracelet with a series of inset gemstones. The mare seemed surprised as he continued, “I didn’t hire just any lawyer, you know. Just Law gave me this to communicate with her, figured Hoity Toity had something set up to intercept any letters sent by magic fire. Ingenius, no?” Spruced Up smiled, paying the guardsmare no mind as she looked quickly out the window, ducking her head inside with a grimace. Bringing up a hoof, he made to slide the bracelet onto a hoof, “All I’ve got to do is slip it on…”
In a flash, the mare had swiped the bracelet from his hoof.
“What!? Hey!”
“I don’t think that’s the best idea, Spruced Up,” the mare said, tucking the bracelet away.
“Give that back!” Spruced Up commanded, “You can’t just take that away from me, what kind of a guard…” he trailed off, paling as he realized something, “Y-you’re the kidnapper!”
He leapt towards the door of the carriage, maybe if he could get away...but there was a flash of metal and the mare was between him and the door, cold metal pricking his neck. He broke out in a sweat as the mare shoved him back in his seat, taking her own as she spat the dagger into a hoof.
“All right, you got me,” the mare gave him a chilling smile, “just sit tight, now and everypony gets to stay in one piece,” she gave a sinister downwards glance that made Spruced Up cross his legs with a wince, “We are going to a safe place, you and I. Cooperate and you’ll be free in a couple days, sans a decent helping of bits.”
“B-but I don’t have any bits!” Spruced Up worried, throwing a glance to the door again, “Or, well, I won’t until the settlement comes through. Once I’ve got half of Hoity Toity’s assets I’ll be able to pay you handsomely, qu-quite handsomely!”
“How are you paying your lawyer?” the mare leered at him, tossing the dagger from hoof to hoof, “The Law ain’t cheap, you know!”
Spruced Up gave a nervous laugh, not sure whether that was supposed to be a pun or not, “W-well, I, er, I’ve already paid a retainer fee to…”
“Was it a handsome fee?” the mare used his own words against him.
“Yes, b-but I can’t just...if I take it back she’ll, she won’t be my lawyer anymore and…” Spruced Up said, trailing off with a gasp, “Hoity Toity did put you up to this, didn’t he!” he exclaimed with an accusatory hoof, “Without my lawyer I won’t get that settlement, he’ll get everything!”
“Well you’re half right,” the mare said, glancing out the window and standing up. Spruced Up got an uneasy look as she did so, continuing, “Hoity Toity hired us and it was on account of your divorce, but in all reality he wants us to speed the process up, hurry it along, you know?”
“What are you..?” Spruced Up began, giving a yelp as he felt the carriage start to go over what felt like a bridge.
“That’s my cue,” the mare looked out the window of the carriage, “Spruced Up?” she asked, pulling open the door and spreading her wings, “You’re going down!” And with that she darted away.
“What!?” Spruced Up said, rising and moving towards the opened door, “But…”
He never got to finish his sentence as the bridge suddenly gave way, the carriage falling down the steep mountain with it.

Shortly thereafter...

Seems Moonbeam isn’t so useless after all… my mind commented as I stared down at the shattered remains of the carriage, changing the rope so it couldn’t hold the weight of the carriage? You’d have to have cut it or used a more obvious method of making it snap.
Perhaps, I had to admit, seeing Rain’s dark form flit up from the wreckage. I spoke as she landed in front of me, “He’s dead?”
“As a doorknob!” Rain exclaimed with a smile of satisfaction, “I dropped the bracelet thing from up high, made it shatter on the rocks below.”
“Good,” I said, thankful Rain had been able to keep him in the carriage, “...good job.”
“You’re the one who came up with the plan,” Rain said with a smile, though it faltered as she looked around, “Uh, is Moonbeam okay?”
“Sent him back to camp,” I threw a thumb over my shoulder, turning to start heading back, “He didn’t want to see the carriage go over the cliff.”
“Probably for the best,” Rain said, following.
“He needs to get a tougher stomach,” I replied, scowling, “He needs to learn to kill.”
“Just...I dunno, give him some time,” Rain offered, though she spoke half-heartedly.
I remained silent as we ascended towards our camp.