I knew we had to hurry so I picked myself up and threw myself out the window into my car and th rest o fus went into the car too.
"Okay multiple ponies of harmony, we're almost at Pony Istanbul," I said lookeing at my GPS that tracked where Dick America is. "Its a good thing I installed google maps"
"More like google craps," said Rainbow.
"Why do you say that," I said but then I saw I was actually going a BAD PATH! And we were going at a CLIFF!
"OHHHHH SHIT" I said and I grabbed the Car Anchor and dropped it ouside the car but it caught on somethign and the car stopped INSTANTLY and all o us went flying out the car and the six mane ponies went at the edge of the cliff but I went flying over them and started to go over the cliff.
"AAAAGH Hey Twilight can you help me please" I said as I was falling off the cliff.
"Oh shit, okay," said Twilight and she grabbed my hand to stop me from falling. "Damb it jakkid you're too heavy!"
"Twilight DONT LET ME FALL!" I shouted and I looked down at the ground that was like 500 feet downways.
"I canot hold ON!" said Twilight and my hand slippe from her grippe
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" I said as I was falling 500 feet and then i HIT THE GROUND!
I got back up and dust myself off "Dammit Twilight you idiot now we all have to split up. Ill try and find a way back up"
"Okay," said Twilight.
So I eyed around the place and sterted to walk around a lot. I noticed that the place wasn't trees anymore, but instead it was really sand and desert. "Where the fuck did I fall into?" I said but then I got to a town and the ponies in it were ponies.
"Holy shit!" I said. "I fell into Pony Istanbul!"
And so I did a special detective victory dance thats only taught to detectives, and then I pulled out my phone GPS again. "Sweet I am almost at Dick America. Hes even right behind me right now!"
But then something SMACKED ME IN THE HEAD AND I GOT KOCKED OUT
_ LATER TIME _
"Uggggh" I said and I woke up and I wa in a prison cellcage and I was only had been awake for like 2 seconds cause I only just woke up right now.
But then there was someone standing out my CAGE! And I looked and it was
DICK AMERICA
"YOU jastard!" I spitted words out my mouth at him angerly. ""What did you do?!"
"Haha," said Dick America "Hello Detective jakkid166. It looke like you really are the worst detective in the world. YOu didnt even deduce I was behind you."
"How was I suposed to know you were behind me" I said. "I dont have eyes in my ass"
"Well too bad," said America. "Now you gonna have to sit back and watch while you beloved Pony World gets destroyed into not existing."
"Course you" I cursed him mad. "But what about Twilight and the others?"
"They will die when the world ends."
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" I said and I slammed the cage bars with my face so much that my nose broke and blood starte coming out of my nose and going all over my face.
"Dont bother jakkid" said America but for some reason he looked sad. "Here use this napkin to clean yourself"
"I dont need it" I said and I threwe the napkin at him and the napkin hit him and knocked him on the ground.
"OOF" said America. "Dammit, you tearsonous dolpe!"
So I RIPPED the BLOOD off my face and said "Dick America I will stop you and father if it is the LAST THING I DO!"
"Your last thing you do will be carying in agoney as you get erased from exist," said America. And he leafed the room.
"Dammit" I said and I pulled out m yphone and called Twilight. "Hey Twilight are you there?"
"Oh hello Detective jakkid166 the greatest detecitve in the world what are you calling me about?"
"Dick America ARRESTED ME" I saided into the phone loudly but not too loudly or else America would hear us.
"What? But detectives cant be arrested" said Twilight.
"Yea but he has TOO MUCH POWER! You gotta come beat him!"
"But where are you right now" said Twilight.
"I dont know, im in some kind of parison cell."
"A prison cell? But theres no prisons in Equestria other than that big one called Tater Tots or something."
"It must be a ILLEGAL PRISON!" I said. "That means I can ARREST THEM! But I need to escape first. You guys gotte come find me"
"But how?"
"Hmmmm" I said and I thought really hard. "Oh i GOT IT! you gotta use the find my iphone app to find my phone and it will lead you to me."
"But jakkid you use a Galaxy S7 Edge phone."
"Fuck" I said. "Well try it anyway Im gonna figure out if I can escape." And I hong up.
I looked around at me prison cell and looked around at my prison cell and looked around my prison cell and I saw on the wall there was the KEYS! I tried to reach them and i ALMOST did but they were like 20 feet away so I couldent quite get them. So i tried to use my DETECTIVE TELEKINESIS powers to retreeve them but that didnt work either because I dont actually have those.
"God dammit"
~ MEAN WHILE ~
Dick america was wented up to the Father Master person and talked to him again. "Father, I have captured Detective jakkid166."
"Perfect" said Father "Our plan is almost in Motion. You just need to set the shit in motion like a man in motion."
"Very well." said America and he went back to the cell I was in.
"What the fuck do you want, Penis Australia," I said because I was making up names for him cause I didnt like him.
"Detective jakkid, I have a cofnession to make" said America.
"What is it?"
"I AM YOUR FATHER!"
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!" I said and I screamed so hard my throat almost fall out my mouth. "NO THAT CANNOT BE!"
"It is true, idiot," said America and he handed me the keys. "I am actually a spy on Father, and want to foil his plans. Now let us escape and beat him as dad and dad's kid"
"Alright then dad" I said and I unlocked my cell. Me and America ran back to the throne room but then I got ELECTRIFIED but it was also really hot!
"SHIT!" I said and I looked at america and he was holding a LAVA TASER!
"BUt why did you do this dad?" I said and I fell on the ground.
"Hahaha" said Father who was on his throne. "You fool, Dick America is not your dad."
"WHAT?"
"Its true" said America. "I just wante to trick you to get you in here to this room easier."
"Also," Father said, "I am the one who murdered Rainbow Dash to frame you for it."
"YOU SHIT POOPER!" I said and I ran at him but he had the lava taser so I couldnt attack him. "Dammit, the things I can do is not a lot!"
"Damn right," said America and he pulled out his phone. "Once I make this phone call all will be set in motion"
"Wait a minute," I said pointing at him dramaticaly.
"What"
"Is that a iphone?"
"Yeah."
"Ha," I laughed with my hands on my hip. "You fool."
Just then TWILIGHT and her FRIENSD brust thropugh the WALL and landed in fronta me. "JAKKID we found your phone!" Twilight said.
"Perfect," I said. "Now that I have Twilight and friends you are no match for me."
"But you see jakkid," said America. "This was our plan all along."
"WHAT?!?!?!???!!??"
And then FATHER pressed a button on his throme and there was a ELECTRICITY field and all the ponies got trapped in it!
"Perform thextraction now" said Father.
"Very well" said America and he pressed a button on his phone and the electricity field ELECTRIFIED and suddenly the ELEMENTS OF HARMONY got extracted outta the mane 6s booty marks!
"Shit!" I said.
"Yes I agree," said America. "We are gonna harness the power of the elemets of harmony to DESTROY THE WORLD!"
"But why?" I said.
"Because ponies is for little girls," said Father "And little girls do not exist. They are a myth"
"wait what" I said. "Thats not true what the fuck do you talk about?"
"Silence" said America and he jabbed me with the lava taser and it gave me a electricity burn on my arm. "Dont try to stop us or we will kill you to death."
I was manegry at him but I couldnt do anything. I looked at Twilight and said "Twilight what in fuck do we do now?"
"I don't know," said Twilight. "We are doomed to death"
"Alright America you can do ur thing now I'm gonna go into the new world so I dont get blown up. Have fun killing everyone" said father and he opened a portal with his magic that he has and went in it and th portal closed.
"Shit" I said and America put tthe elements into the doomsday bomb that was gonna erase the world away. A count down began on it that said 60 seconds.
"Once I press dis button," said America, "The countdown cannot ever stop. The world wille nd in 60 seconds from when the button is pressed"
I was outa options. I decided I have to use the power of WORDS to beat him!
I threw my hand to the ground. "Alright Dick America you win."
"Hell yeah I do."
"But is there anythign I can give you to make you not press the button?"
"hmmmmm" said America. "Yeah there is one thing."
"What is it?"
"If you quit being a Detective forever."
"NO!" I sand angrily. "I will never stop detectiving!"
"But why?"
"Because" I said and I struck a pose of drama. "Detective is the most important job. Without it the criminals would get away. If I wasnt a detective, there would be less detectives like me in th world to make saure the criminals recieve justice! Us detective should not work AGAINST each other, we should work AT GOOD each other!"
Dick America thoughte about it for a second. "Shit" He said. "Youre right."
"Yeah I am" I said.
"Its a good thing I didnt press that button huh?" said America and he laughed some.
"Yeah it was that woulda been bad. Okay lets give the elemets of harmony back to the mane 6 ponies." I said and I pressed the button and the electric field went down.
"Yeah that sounds cool," he said. So we went to the machine but then I TRIPPED ON MY OWN HEAD and I FELL ONTO THE START BUTTON and PRESSED IT! and then the countdown started downcounting.
"Oh" I said. "Shit. Thats not good."
"oohhhh my GOD are you FUCKING SERIOUS?" said Twilight. "Detective jakkid I am going to make sure you get fired after this."
"IT WASNT MY FAULT, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!"
But just then Father came back thruugh the portal. "Hey America you takin too long to join me in my world that only has me in it."
"Yeah I am" said America. "Because I am not work for you anymore! In fact, I ALWAYS hated you and was gonna be tray you before hand!"
"Wait what" said me. "So I didnt actually convince you? You were already good?"
"Yeah I just thoughte this was a good time to reveal Im actually a good guy."
"oh"
And so he and I and Father and everyone were there and Fatehr was really mad. "Dick America you limey fuck" said him. "I will make sure you get blown up too."
"But we only have 60 seconds to fight you so do it fast" said Twilight.
So we was all at a FACE OFF! We didnt know who was gonna make the FIRST MOVE so we all didnt know what to do and it was really awkward. But then Father jumped at us and tried to Punch us and he missed and Dick america kicked him in the beard and it hurt him a lot so we Double Teamed him and punched him a bunch in the face.
But
But father decided he wasnt gonna let us win so he pulled out lightning bolts out of his pockets and throwe them at us. We both dodged them and then Twilight flew at him and blasted magic at him and knocked him into the wall. Dick America went to Father to arrest him but then Father had a KNIFE and he knifed him in the stomach!
"SHIT" said me and I ran to Dick. "STAY WITH ME AMERICA!"
"Dont worry about America you gotta save Equestria," said Dick.
So I dropped Dick and looked at Father. I pointed at him real big and dramatic in his face. "Father, I am Detective jakkid166... and you are UNDER ARREST!"
"No I'm not" He said and he pulled out his dimension portal remote and opened a portal and went in it and the portal closed.
"Oh." I said. "Shit"
"WHAT NOW?" said Rainbow. "We gotta stop the bomb, its only at 15 seconds now!"
"Jakkid" said Dick.
"What is the it?" said me.
"Look in my tie pocket. Theres a dimension portal remote"
So I looekd in the pocket in his tie and there was a portal remote to open portals with. "You know what to do right?" said him.
"Right" said me.
So I ran to the bomb. "Twilight and guys you gotta help me with this!" And I opened a portal with the remote to Father's world.
The all of us worked together to pushe the bomb into the portal WHILE IT ONLY HAD 5 SECONDS LEFT! And then I closed it.
~ MEANWHILE ~
Father was in his world that only has him in it and he was drinking tea and relaxing.
"Yeah man this is the life" said Father.
But then the portal opened and the bomb appeared next to him.
"Aw shit"
~ BACK IN EQUESTRIA ~
"Dick America stay with me" Said me. "We couldve been friends for real!"
"Jakkid I have a cofnession to make" said Dick.
"What is it?"
"I am not your father."
"I know that already. But who is?"
"I dont know, but I mean something else. I am however... your ADOPTED cousin!"
I was a look of surprise. "WHAAAAT? But I thought manfred von karma from the Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney games was my cousin!"
"Unfortunately no he is not. You see, the life of a detecive is dangerous... I didnt want you to get hurt yourself, so I tried to be your rival and make you not want to be a detective anymore..."
"Awwwwwww no!"
"But jakkid" He said. "You have proven yourself to me, adopted cousin. You truly are the world's greatest detective."
And I was crying out of my eyes and nose and said "But adopted cousin, you cannot die."
"Im sorry son" said America and he died.
We all had a moment of silence for Dick America, the second greatest adopted cousin detective in the world.
~ LATER ~
After we had the furenurenal for Dick America, we went back to Twilight's house.
"I am still sad about Dick America being dead," said me. I was sad and I used my tie to wipe my tears and nose snot.
"Dont worry Jakkid" Said Applejack. "Dick America would be proud of you. You are detective."
"Its true" said Rarity. "You are a detective."
"But what do we do now that the world has been saved?" Said Pinkie Pie.
"Well" I said, and I thought really hard. "I have an idea."
"What is it?" said Twilight.
"We should go on a fanficion website and tell everyone about this true story that really happened in real life."
"Great idea jakkid" said everyone.
And the camera zoomed out from Twilights house into the sky, and two words appeared on the screen to signafy the concludion of our adventure:
THE END
by jakkid166