//------------------------------// // The Beginning of the End - part 1 // Story: A Dream // by totallynotabrony //------------------------------// The sunlight was trying to get through my eyelids.  Wait, what? I thought the blinds in my bedroom were closed.  Still not a bad way to wake up. Actually, once I opened my eyes and sat up, I could see that I wasn't home.  Trees? An orchard? Jesus Christ, I must have really tied one on last night. Now that I thought about it, I could still be dreaming.  The distinct lack of a hangover was a clue. But when was the last time I dreamed something so peaceful and simple?  Hell, this reminded me of when I'd first arrived in Equestria. I stood up and reached for my flask but missed.  Turning, I looked to where my hoof was grasping air near my hindquarters.  That was always where I'd kept my stash. Some people might call it hammerspace, a place to store things just below the surface of reality. Apparently I'd misplaced it, too.  Strange. I looked around at the apple trees.  Off in the distance I heard a faint thwack. Having no other direction to go, I headed for the noise. Up ahead, I caught sight of Applejack.  As I walked closer, she kicked a tree with her back legs. A shower of apples rained down into conveniently placed baskets. I'd had a strange inkling of déjà vu since awakening, but it only got stronger now. Applejack spotted me and came over, wearing a friendly smile.  “Well howdy,” she said, grabbing my hoof and shaking. She had an accent. Oh shit. “What brings you to the Apple Family farm?” she said. “Uh...not sure,” I replied honestly.  “I think I need to go.” Applejack frowned after me as I hurried away towards town, wondering what I'd wrought on the universe this time.  Was it too much to ask just to turn back the clock a little to before things got weird and Twilight conned me into running an elementary school?  What had happened this time? I probably should have paid more attention when studying the butterfly effect.  Fluttershy might make a more responsible time traveler. I shook my head as I trotted.  Speculation would have to wait; I had to see what this version of the universe was like. I touched my ear but didn't find any earpiece there.  I looked skyward hopefully and called, “Tin Mare?” There was no reply. “Thank God?” No automatic you're welcome from my own recorded voice from the sky. I hurried on into town. The friendship school looked different as I passed it.  The town looked a little different, too. I headed for the library but couldn’t seem to find it. I’d actually walked past the sparkling crystal castle where the library used to be a couple of times before actually seeing it.  It was so ridiculous that my eyes just simply didn’t believe it at first. The mailbox said Princess Twilight Sparkle. Oh shit. I walked up to the front door and went in.  The place was huge, much larger than the library and with no signs for navigation. “Twiiiiliiight!” I shouted. “Hey, what’s with the yelling?” said Spike, coming into the room.  “Can I help you?” I stared at him.  “Why the hell do you have wings?” “Huh?” Spike glanced at his back.  “Dragons get wings when they go through puberty.” “I actually didn’t know that, though in retrospect that makes a lot of sense.” Twilight came into the room.  I stared at her. “And why the hell do you have wings?” “Language!” she said.  “And it’s because I unlocked the magic of friendship and became an alicorn.” I rolled my eyes.  “This bullshit again.” “Language, again.  Also, who are you?” “You seriously don’t remember me?” She shook her head.  “I’m pretty sure I would.” A slow realization dawned on me.  I had a decision to make then and there.  It wasn’t often you get a chance for an entirely fresh start, where no one remembers you or what you’ve done. I opened my mouth to introduce myself as Equestria’s first presidential candidate, but just then Spike spit up a letter.  Twilight grabbed it and opened the scroll. She said to Spike, “It’s from Princess Celestia. She says she needs to speak to all of the Elements urgently!” “Goddamnit,” I muttered.  I gestured with a hoof. “Just give it to me.  I’ll go kill whoever needs to be killed and then we’ll get down to business.” “Kill!?  You can’t do that!  And what business?” “Why don’t we go catch a train to Canterlot and I’ll explain on the way?” “You can’t come with me, this is official Element business.” I grinned.  “So you’re okay with letting me out of your sight?” She hesitated, but then said, “No funny business, or I’ll see to it that Princess Celestia has you locked in the dungeon.” She really didn’t like it how I laughed at that. At the train station, I realized I didn’t have any money.  Twilight paid, giving me a dark look, but I really found it more troubling that I had absolutely nothing on me - money or equipment or otherwise.  And if nobody seemed to remember me, I was suddenly having concerned thoughts about the state of my assets. When we were seated on the train, Twilight said, “What’s your name?” I could have gone with a lot of things.  Perfect opportunity for a fresh start, after all.  But I might as well keep it simple. “Call me Valiant.” “Why do you seem to know me?” “As near as I can figure, I came from another universe.  Wel, okay, I did, but after that, I was in a different version of Equestria.  Then I came here. Somehow.” “That doesn’t help.” “I’m actually concerned about it myself,” I said.  “I know you. I know your friends. I’ve been in Equestria for a while.  Just not this one.” “So you’re from a different universe.” “Yeah, and not that weird one through the mirror in the castle where we dragged Sunset Shimmer back to Equestria.” “How did you know about that!?” “Because...that’s what we did?  I told you, I just came from a different Equestria.  Speaking of, where is Sunset? Maybe she can help.” “She’s in Pedestria, with her friends.” “Pfft.  Sunset doesn’t have friends.  Or at least not friends you would consider friends.” “She does too!” I shook my head.  “Whatever. How about Trixie?  Where is she?” “She might be hanging out with Starlight.” “Who’s Starlight?” “Starlight Glimmer.” My entire face twitched, clenching so hard it felt like it was trying to wrench loose from my skull.  That was nothing compared to the clench my asshole did. “STARLIGHT GLIMMER!?  WHY ISN’T SHE DEAD!?” “Calm down!” Twilight said, raising her hooves as everyone on the whole train turned to look in our direction.  “Why would she-” “Starlight Glimmer.  Is supposed. To be dead.  Because she’s a goddamned magic communist.” “Is...is she dead in your world?” Twilight asked weakly. “My daughter killed her after she killed me.” “Killed-?” “I got better.” I took several deep breaths.  “Why is Trixie with Starlight?  Why isn’t she with Daring?” “Daring Do?” “Yes.” “Er,” Twilight's eyes darted around, “you know Daring Do is fictional, right?” “You know that Daring Do is perfectly real and uses the penname A.K. Yearling to write quote-unquote novels about her adventures.” “So you know the truth about that too,” Twilight said weakly. I sighed and sat back, putting my hooves to my face.  “I really, really need to get back to my own universe.  I mean, okay, not my universe, just the one I was in last.  Well, no, the one before the timeskip.” I frowned.  “Or was it…?” No, I hadn’t twisted the multiverse beyond my own recognition, don’t be silly. At any rate, I was still trying to sort it out when we arrived at Canterlot.  The other Elements were there and we headed for the castle, for some reason at a run.  I guess this really was an urgent summons. “Who’s this?” said Rainbow, glancing at me. “Long story,” Twilight panted. We burst into the castle throne room. “Girls, thank you so much for coming,” said Celestia. “What’s wrong?  What can we do?” said Twilight. “Nothing’s wrong!  Everything’s perfect!” Luna replied. I cracked up laughing.  All of them turned to look at me. I got my laughter under control, finishing up with a few claps.  “Excellent. Masterful trolling, ladies. The classic, ‘you have to come to Canterlot urgently’ and then bait and switch.” Twilight seemed annoyed, but also in mild agreement.  She looked back at the Princesses. “Who is this?” said Celestia. “Long story,” said Twilight.  “But really, why are we here?” Luna said, “Because of your efforts at keeping the peace in Equestria, there has been less and less for us to do.” Celestia went on.  “So, after much consideration, my sister and I have decided it is time for us...to retire!” Discord burst into the room, holding a notepad.  “Breaking news! The royal princesses retiring! I have so many questions!  Who’ll take over? Who’ll run Equestria? Will it be someone tall, dark and handsome?  Or will it be the Lord of Chaos?” “YOU’RE ALIVE!?” I shouted.  “WHY ARE YOU ALIVE!?” “Here we go again,” said Twilight under her breath. “You’re supposed to be dead!  I killed you because you’re such an asshole!” “Uh…” said Discord. I walked over and grabbed him by the collar, which was at least one nice thing about the guy because who else in a nudist colony like Equestria could summon gag clothing at the drop of a hat?  “Here’s the deal. Either you send me back to the universe where I want to go, or I’m going to kill you all over again.” “Guards!” called Celestia.  Half a dozen stallions in armor ran into the room. Leveraging earth pony strength, I threw Discord at them.  He actually seemed to go along with it. His snakelike body took out four of the guards.  The other two charged at me. I punched them both in the face and they instantly dropped. I mean, if you’re going to wear a suit of armor, that’s probably a place where you want the armor to be. Two more guards ran in.  I kicked a spear one of the previously defeated guards had dropped up into my hoof and used the blunt end to trip the first new guard.  I threw a fireball at the second one and set the tufty thing on his helmet aflame. He panicked and ran around in a circle until he got it off. Another dozen guards appeared.  I raised the spear. “Twilight, now would be a good time to use some of your stupidly overpowered magic.” “Oh, um, right,” she said. She stunned me. I woke up a while later sitting in the dungeon. Shaking my head to clear it, I let out a huge sigh.  “Amatures.” I went to work on the cell door. In fact, I was pretty sure I’d gotten out of this exact cell before. I suddenly heard galloping hooves and Twilight slid to a stop outside the door.  “I hope you’re happy!” she said. “Even locked in there, you may have doomed Equestria!” “You’ll have to be more specific.” “I was so caught up with accepting the transfer of power from the Princesses and taking care of Discord who you hurt that by the time I got word that King Sombra had sacked the Crystal Empire it was too late!” “Wait wait wait...King Sombra’s alive too?” “This time, I’m as surprised as you are,” she said.  “We defeated him once before.” “Yeah, I remember.  I fell out of the sky and punchsploded him.” “What!?  No! You weren’t even there!” “Not the point.  Different universes.”  I waved my hoof. “But more importantly, why the hell don’t people stay dead in Equestria?” “I think this might be an isolated incident,” said Twilight. “Click,” I said. “What?” “That was me taking a mental snapshot.  I’m going to use it to humiliate you when you’re wrong.  Anyway. So you want me to go kill him?” “No, I came to see what you know about him.  I don’t know how, Valiant, but you do seem to know things you shouldn’t.” “It would be easier if you just let me handle it.”  I opened the door and strode past her as Twilight began to sputter in consternation. She teleported in front of me.  “Get back in that cell!” I held out my hoof, full of iron filings and rust from the ancient bars, and blew it in her face.  She coughed, but more importantly the powdered metal in the air grounded out her magic and whatever spell she was going to throw at me. I was almost to the Royal Guard motor pool, or whatever ponies called the place they kept their vehicles, when Twilight caught up with me again. “Stop!” I looked at her over my shoulder, but kept moving.  “Or what? You can throw me back in that cell - which I’ll get out of again - while King Sombra keeps oppressing the Crystal Empire, or we can go defeat him.” Twilight ground her teeth.  “I’m not letting you out of my sight.” “You should call your friends.  That would make it easier.” “Oh yeah?  And what are you going to do when they’re here?” “Probably have the six of you magically back me up as I go and kill Sombra.  By the way, that means you’ll need the Elements.” By this point, we’d made it out to a couple of small airships painted in Guard colors.  I hopped aboard one and burned the mooring line away with a fireball. “How can you do that?” said Twilight, flapping her wings to land aboard the airship. “It’s earth pony magic.” “Earth ponies can’t do that!” “You think Pinkie Pie couldn’t throw a fireball if she tried?” That shut her up. We swung by Ponyville to pick up the other girls and then went to get the Elements which were apparently being kept by some weird geometric tree in a cave.  After that, we headed north. I stayed at my position as captain of the airship.  The others talked among themselves and kept throwing dirty and/or worried looks in my direction.  The weren’t talking to me, so that was fine with me. I distracted myself on the way by thinking about how nice a sextuple shot of tequila sounded.  I would get myself one just as soon as all of this was over. Heck, maybe a couple. Something about that nagged at the back of my mind, but I was currently in the zone on a mission to right the wrongs of the universe and decided not to explore a gaping hole in my logic. As we got within sight of the Crystal Empire, I noticed how intact it seemed to be.  Huh. Maybe it hadn’t turned into a deserted wasteland in this universe. That didn’t mean there weren’t still visible problems.  Black crystals had sprouted everywhere. “Okay everybody,” I said.  “This is where you get off.” “How are we supposed to get off?” said Rarity, looking over the side of the airship. “Twilight will do some magic or something.” “You seem to assume an awful lot about me,” Twilight huffed. “So can you teleport all of your friends or not?” She glared at me, but said, “And what are you going to do?” “I’m going to go kill King Sombra, like I’ve been telling you.” Twilight lit her horn.  The next thing I knew, all of us were standing at the foot of the castle. “Uh, Twilight?” I said.  “I specifically implied that I would stay on the airship.” “I’m not letting you out of my sight,” she said. I shrugged.  “Okay, whatever.  Good thing I set the autopilot.” Just then, the airship crashed into the upper floors of the castle. “We have to get up there!” Twilight shouted.  I followed them up the stairs. In the throne room, Sombra was just picking himself up from where the bow of the airship had crushed his seat.  He wavered unsteadily as we came in, but stood up to face us. Just then, due to wider-reaching structural damage in the upper tower of the Crystal Castle, an announcement bell previously in the belfry broke loose and came crashing down.  It landed atop Sombra, and set him vibrating like a guitar string. Mixed musical metaphors there, but it’s all good vibrations to me. “Yeah bitch, you got donged!” I shouted, spreading my hooves and leaning into his face.  His eyes were still going around in circles and his normally ethereal mane had sort of taken on the shape of the inside of the bell. While he was down, the Elements fired up their magic and wiped him away in a burst of rainbow magic, leaving a little grease spot on the floor and not much else. “You saved us,” said Cadance.  She, Shining Armor, and Flurry Heart were released from a prison of crystals to the side of the throne room.  I kept my distance. There was no telling what version of Flurry we were dealing with here. Twilight was still pissed at me, but it was impossible to say that I hadn’t helped.  Okay, the phrase she’d used was “suicidally reckless,” but whatever. Honestly, I thought I was more homicidally reckless. The airship was busted up, but Rarity sewed up a few patches and we managed to limp it to Ponyville.  Yes, it was supposed to go back to Canterlot, but with the guards I’d injured down for the count, it wouldn’t have been utilized anyway.  Plus, Twilight was a Princess, so she could do whatever she wanted with royal property. Stepping down in front of Twilight’s castle, I said, “Good work, team.  Now, I’m off to get smashed.” “Get what?” said Rainbow. “Drunk.” “Do you mean ‘get a drink?’” said Rarity, frowning. “Yeah.  I’m going to have so much tequila.  Mmm.” “What’s tequila?” said Twilight. I froze.  There it was.  The thing I had purposely put out of my mind.  That I’d been lying to myself about. That did not exist in this universe. I turned to Twilight.  “Let’s go to your lab. I’m going to need all the ethanol you have.” “Why?” “Do you want me to tell you, or do you want to find out?” “Does it matter?  At any rate, I don’t think I have any.” I considered that.  “Pardon me a moment.” I took a few steps away and then dropped into a fetal position.  “Oh God oh God oh God…”