//------------------------------// // Taxes and Fashion // Story: Returning Survivor // by Itchy //------------------------------// Mecha was sitting behind his counter, sighing. After Doctor Whooves won the contest by half a point, Celestia had come up to the three, and had requested that Equestria Idol be used on a more national scale. Having come up with it as just a way to compete, and considering Spike named it, the three quickly agreed to it, and were each paid 3,000 bits for the idea. Unfortunately, the bits came with the tax forms, which were currently frustrating Mecha, due to the fact that he'd done his taxes three times already, correctly, and come out with three different answers. Finishing of the last of the forms, he looked at the number, and promptly banged his head on the counter. “Greed's treasure chest,” he muttered to himself. “Another totally different, legally correct answer!” At this point, the bell above the door rang, and Doctor Whooves walked in to see his friend banging his head on the counter. “Um...” Doctor Whooves began, “is this a bad time?” Mecha stopped banging his head on the counter, leaving it laying there as he responded, “No. In fact, this is probably a good thing. If you hadn't shown up, I'd have ended up doing the same forms over a hundred more times, and possibly be driven insane.” Quirking his eyebrow, Doctor Whooves merely shrugged before saying, “Well, it's good to hear that you're not insane yet. Anyways, I'm here to give you back a ticket,” before he reached into the saddlebag he'd been wearing, and handed it to Mecha. Raising his head to see that the ticket was in fact one of the tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala that he'd handed to Doctor Whooves way back when, Mecha asked, “Did Ditzy Do decide to ditch you and the gala?” Shaking his head, his friend replied, “No. In fact, she got her own ticket for reasons that still befuddle me. In fact, she gets a ticket every year, and just doesn't go. However, this year, since she has a date, aka me, to go with, she accepted her ticket. So, you get your ticket back! Maybe you can use it to get your own date for the gala.” Staring at the ticket in front of him, Mecha snorted, saying, “Yeah right. What mare would go out with me? I get an hour of sleep every three days if I'm lucky, can't eat even a daisy sandwich without feeling nauseous due to my small stomach, and I reek of smoke and metal due to my work.” Doctor Whooves blinked, before asking, “Small stomach? That's new.” Mecha sighed, before pulling out a couple of tiny pills looking things from a compartment in his leg. Seeing the confused look at the pills, he rolled his eyes saying, “Emergency rations for the military. Sixteen of these things and you have the equivalent of a 2500 calorie day diet. I lived off these things for nearly two years, do you really think my stomach didn't shrink?” Getting a closer look at the pills, Doctor Whooves said, “I have to admit, these do not look filling at all. But that's irrelevant, as no one really eats at the gala, do they? Furthermore, I doubt they'd notice your sleep cycle unless they were an obsessed stalker, and if so, you've got bigger problems than putting them off with your sleeping patterns. Finally, nopony would really care about the smell, as you'd have to be right next to your mane or coat to even smell it. So toughen up and ask a mare.” Sighing, Mecha said, “I'll consider it, okay Doc? I just don't think it'll end well.” Looking up from the pills, Doctor Whooves smiled, and said, “That's all I'm looking for.” Glancing at the tax forms on the counter, he added, “And you forgot to do anything with the damages and insurance claims section,” before walking out. Blinking, Mecha looked at said section, before screaming, “LUST'S PANTIES DIPPED IN GLUTTONY'S DEEP FRYER LOCKED IN GREED'S TREASURE CHEST STORED UNDER SLOTH'S HAMMOCK WITH ENVY'S GAZE UPON IT RELFECTED BY PRIDE'S MIRROR BEING SMASHED BY WRATH'S WARHAMMER NEXT TO LUCIFER'S BED!!!!!!!*” “Excuse me!” said Rarity, having walked in during Mecha's cursing, “But that is no kind of language to use around a lady!” Blinking, Mecha responded, “Did you even understand what I said?” Blushing, Rarity said, “Well... no, but your tone spoke for you!” Sighing, Mecha replied, “Yeah, well, I hate taxes. But enough about my problems, what do ya need?” Taking a glance around the shop, Rarity said, “Well, I need a little metal work done for a dress I'm designing, as well as a couple of metal shoes to go with a few others, and Twilight sang praises about your work with the gift she sent for Shining Armor...” Nodding his head, Mecha told her, “Then come on up and tell me what needs to be done. With any luck, I get the order started as soon as Snips and Snails show up, and possibly done as well.” Walking up towards the counter while smiling, Rarity responded, “That would simply be marvelous darling! I have taken the liberty of drawing up what I need, as well as what I think would be the best metal for the look, but that is not my forte, so feel free to correct me if the metal can not be used.” Glancing at the designs that Rarity had levitated onto his counter, Mecha replied, “No no, I don't see a problem. In fact, I should be done around seven, seven-thirtyish if you want me to just take them straight to your store. “That would be excellent!” was Rarity's reply, radiating happiness. “And 40 bits,” Mecha told her. Nodding her head, Rarity said, “But of course! After all, if your craftsmanship is even a fraction of what Twilight says, then it is surely worth it. But I feel as if you are under charging me... I know! After I finish up with my friends' dresses, I can make you a suit to make it up to you! Yes, a nice, elegant suit, something that lives up to the shine that your leg produces...” she muttered, before glancing at the paper work on the counter. “Oh! You missed the utilities page,” she told him, before walking out, designing new outfits in her mind with each step she took. Glancing at the page that Rarity pointed out, Mecha repeated his earlier curse with such volume, that five minutes later Twilight Sparkle came in with a joint letter from the princesses saying to watch his language. LINEBREAKER “So Doc, did you ever figure out why Ditzy gets her own ticket to the gala every year?” Mecha asked his friend at their weekly lunch with Big Macintosh. “Well, yeah. Have to admit, it caught me off guard, but makes so much sense,” Doctor Whooves replied. “Well?” Mecha asked, leaning forward. Chuckling to himself, Doctor Whooves replied, “Turns out, she writes the Daring Do series,** and as the author of the best selling series currently in Equestria, she gets an invite every year.” Mecha's and Big Macintosh's jaws dropped, eyes going wide at this news. “Really?” Big Macintosh asked. “Yeah,” Doctor Whooves said. “Turns out she writes under an alias so she won't get mobbed by fans whenever she goes out for a walk. Furthermore, the stories are based on the tales that her grandpa used to tell her about her families old business.” “Her family used to be treasure hunters?” Mecha asked. “Nah, archeologists. Although, they knew several treasure hunters, several of whom show up in the stories, as well as the legends that are the basis for all the treasures,” Doctor Whooves told them. “Now, it's Big Macintosh's turn to pay the bill, right?” “Eeyup. By the way Mecha, ah think Rarity is lookin' for ya,” responded the large stallion. Turning around, Mecha said, “That she is. Well, nice talking to you gents, but it appears I have business to attend to.” Getting up, he walked up to Rarity, noticing her disheveled look, which slightly disturbed him, knowing how much she cherished her looks. “Um... do you need me for something?” “Ah, Mecha! Just the pony I was looking for,” she said, eye twitching. “You did such a wonderful job with my last order, that I figured I should come to you for this one as well. Unfortunately, you weren't at the shop, and your apprentices said that they could not give me a price for my order, and thus could not accept it without your approval.” “Ah, yes, that's actually their next lesson,” Mecha replied, before adding, “Are you, uh, okay?” “Okay? Why yes, I am most certainly okay! In fact, I feel simply marvelous, divine in fact! But onto business. How much for this order?” she responded, pulling out a couple of papers with magic, levitating them in front of Mecha. Glancing at the designs on the pages in front of him, Mecha quirked his head at them. They were vastly different from what she asked from before... and the eye twitch clearly meant something, but he just didn't have a clue as to what. Sighing, he finally gave her an answer of, “It'll cost 55 bits,” and took the designs with him as he walked away, barely hearing Rarity's cries of thanks. LINEBREAKER Mecha was walking towards the fashion show that Rarity was hosting, while talking to Spike. “So,” Mecha started, “who'd you book for the music part of the show?” Spike responded with, “I managed to find somepony that goes by DJ-PON3. She's suppose to be amongst the best there is, and happens to be passing through town on her way to another gig.” “Hmm...” Mecha mumbled to himself. “DJ-PON3... where have I heard that name before...” “YOU!” was the only clue he needed to put the pieces together. Pointing at him angerly with her leg was Vinyl Scratch, aka DJ-PON3. “Uh... hey there!” Mecha greeted, clearly trying to diffuse the situation. “It's been a while, huh?” Eye twitching, Vinyl slowly walked forward, with Mecha taking a step back for each of her steps forward. “Do you know that I still can't enter A Salt & Battery?!? Because of you, I can't eat at my favorite restaurant! I can't even order take out from the place!” “Now, surely you're over reacting!” Mecha tried to bargain his way out of the angry mare's fury. “After all, I was the one who fought the owner, not you! Surely the recognize this and will let you in?!” Getting even madder than before, she replied, “Exactly! Except, they won't let me in since I was on a date with you at that time, so...” Gulping, Mecha realized he'd backed himself into a wall, literally. Trying on lass try to reason with Vinyl, he said, “You'll let me go as a gesture of good will?” Shaking her head, Vinyl punched her hoof into the other, and said, “Oh no... I'm going to make you suffer as much as I have... which means you get to face, MAH BASS CANNON!!!” Before pulling out a giant speaker, that separated into a cannon, that blasted Mecha into the wall behind him with a large blue beam, knocking him unconscious as he hit the ground. LINEBREAKER Mecha was once more laying in a bed in the hospital, opening his eyes. “Ugh...” he muttered to himself. “Mental note, avoid all ex's and failed first dates...” Taking a moment to look around, he noticed that one of the nurses apparently decided to put a plaque that said Mecha's Bed above the bed he was currently residing in. At this point, Doctor Stable walked in, eye twitching. “Mister Mecha,” he started, “if I didn't know any better, I'd say you enjoyed breaking your ribs!” Sighing, Mecha told him, “It's not that I enjoy breaking my ribs, it's the universe that enjoys it.” Eye twitching even more, Doctor Stable said, “Either way, if you come back one more time with broken ribs, I will personally see to it that you be encased in an iron suit, and will weld it around you if I have to! Understood?” Eyes wide at the threat, Mecha nodded his head, stunned at the doctor's behavior. Suddenly shifting into a smiling doctor instead of a scary one, Doctor Stable said, “Good. You can check out anytime then,” before trotting out the door. Still shocked from earlier, it took Mecha 25 minutes to realize what he had said, before bolting out of the room and out of the hospital. LINEBREAKER Mecha walked into Rarity's shop, having gotten a message that the suit she said she'd make him was complete. Taking a look around the shop, Mecha saw her in the back, looking loads better than the last time he'd seen her, and quickly approached her, saying, “You sent for me?” “Ah, Mecha, darling!” she said. “Great timing! I had just pulled your suit from the line! Go ahead, take a good look!” The suit in question was currently clothing a manikin, and a burnt orange color. The sleeves appeared to slowly warp into a metallic orange, and the ends even appeared to have an edge to them. The collar of the suit covered part of the sharp, silvery tie which Mecha thought would likely draw attention away from his leg.*** “Not bad, not bad at all,” Mecha told her. “Of course not darling!” Rarity said. “After all, I only make the best, especially for those who supply me with the materials to make my outfits.” “One question though, are there pockets on the inside?” Mecha asked. “I thought you'd ask that,” Rarity replied, “And went ahead and included several in the design.” Smiling, Mecha looked over the suit one last time, saying, “I'm going to look awesome in this... like a walking, flaming weapon!” “That, my dear,” Rarity said, “Was the intention.” *As mentioned before, the worst curse in Hell **Daring Do? Ditzy Do? Doesn't it seem like a good connection, or am I just crazy. ***I honestly suck at clothes descriptions... the idea was conveyed through Mecha's line later AN: I personally hate doing these, but I need to get this out. First, I'm looking for a beta reader. Looked over some earlier chapters, noticed some errors grammatically speaking, and a beta would've most likely caught them. And secondly/finally, I want to know if you guys want me to write a prequel of sorts of Mecha's time in Hell, so I set up a poll online, which you vote via texts. So, to vote, text 34458 (Message, preferably your vote) to 22333. Note, this only works for American numbers. Other option is to go to http :// pollev . Com, and in the message box put 34458 first, then your message/vote.