//------------------------------// // Chapter 24 - Books // Story: Off The Mark // by Goldfur //------------------------------// We split up into ones and twos as we explored the crystal castle in different directions. It was quickly obvious that just like the library tree, it was much bigger on the inside than the outside. I paired up with Twilight, wanting to gauge her reactions to her new abode. She and I later discovered Trixie wandering through the corridors, passing by virtually identical doors, hopelessly lost. Rainbow Dash had simply sped through the place until she found something of interest. Spike had apparently found the kitchen, while the other mares had made their own discoveries. It hadn’t taken Twilight long to figure out that there actually was a logical pattern to the rooms and quickly proved it by successfully nominating what she expected to find behind doors which I would then open and confirm her deduction. We steered Trixie out onto a balcony and Rainbow rounded up the others so that we could have a meeting to discuss the new addition to Ponyville’s skyline. However, Spike excused himself to do some hasty shopping to stock the basics for the kitchen. “Trixie supposes that now that you have a castle of your own, you will be spending much more time here,” the blue mare said with a slight frown. “Don’t think that this will exempt you from your current duties!” Twilight rolled her eyes. “Sweet Celestia! I’ve just got the darn thing! I’ve not had the chance to make any plans yet. I imagine that it’s going to take me the best part of a day just to check this place out, catalog its facilities, and write up a plan of action.” “Well, darling, the first thing that you will need to do is shop for some furniture,” Rarity said. “I do believe that aside from those thrones downstairs, there isn’t a chair, couch, or sofa in the place. Not even so much as a cushion! And unless you plan to eat off the floor, I suggest that you get a table or two while you’re at it.” “And beds!” Rainbow added. Trust the prismatic pegasus to think of that. “Yes, yes! Trixie realizes that this place desperately needs furnishing… and some signposts,” she added in a low murmur. “However, the Great and Powerful Trixie is referring to the direction that the diarchy will take from now on.” Twilight tilted her head and frowned a little. “What do you mean, Trixie?” “Isn’t it obvious? Ponyville has always been your home despite the inconvenience of commuting to Canterlot. Now that you have your own castle, Our Little Ponies will expect you to rule from here. How do you intend to deal with being so far from the seat of government and still perform your royal duties?” I had to admit it – Trixie had a point. We had been so caught up in the wonder of the new castle that none of us had thought of the ramifications yet. But Trixie had. Perhaps because she didn’t want to get saddled with all the work, but the credit still went to her. Twilight was thoughtful for a long moment. “I’m going to have to think more about this. I’ll be needing some time to sort through things and figure out what our game plan will be. I’ll use the weekend to get a head start.” “And if you cannot be back in Canterlot for your scheduled appointments?” Twilight gave her co-ruler a hesitant smile. “Perhaps you could cover for me?” Trixie rolled her eyes. “There’s more than enough work for two alicorns at the moment,” Trixie said, ignoring the fact that everyone here knew her wings weren’t real. “Having taken the day off for the award ceremony, we need two Princesses on the job on Monday.” “I’ll keep that in mind, Trixie.” A smirk grew on the blue mare’s face. “If you don’t make it, the Dutiful and Diligent Trixie may have to appoint a new Princess.” She stood up on her hind legs and waved dramatically in my direction. “May I introduce the future co-ruler of Equestria – Princess Marklestia!” I gaped and I stared at the grinning mare. I started slowly shaking my head, and then faster. “Nope! No bucking way! You’re not doing that to me!” I wasn’t even in my pegacorn form! “What are you complaining about, Princess? You already do half the work,” Trixie pressed, her grin getting wider. Twilight snickered and said, “Trixie has a point. Think of your responsibilities.” “Nope! Not a chance! You’ll never make me!” I spun around and jumped over the railing of the balcony, not worrying about the possibility of a crash-landing. The sound of the laughter from all the mares faded as I hightailed it out of there as fast as I could. Thankfully, the two eventually worked out a compromise that did not involve me. It may have been a joke, but those had a habit of backfiring on me lately, so I took no chances. I stuck strictly to advising Trixie and keeping my mouth shut otherwise. However, it wasn’t long before the new routine settled in. Now that I could use unicorn magic, I needed a teacher. Twilight was happy to add me to her class in Trixie’s quarters and bumped up the frequency to every day when she was in Canterlot. Being in Celestia’s old chambers also served the purpose of hiding Marklestia from prying eyes. Rumors of Celestia’s return and subsequent disappearance were flying through the more disreputable tabloids, and I had to be especially careful not to make a public appearance. We also had to bring Trixie’s personal guards into the expanding group of ponies sworn to secrecy about Marklestia. Very quickly, I found that my natural talent at unicorn magic was roughly the same as my natural talent at aerial flight. Yeah, that bad. While Trixie’s recent exercises had her levitating half a dozen items of different weights and materials, I was left staring at a sawdust-filled foal’s toy sitting in the middle of the floor. Actually, calling it a toy was something of a stretch. A small, round burlap sack with two buttons sewn on was a far more accurate description. Twilight told me that in her youth, she practiced with a similar toy named ‘Mr. Smarty Pants.’ Mine was roughly the weight of a foal and I was expected to treat it as such to improve my precision and control. So far I had ripped the buttons off, torn the top half from the bottom half, thrown it into the ceiling, all four walls, and once off the balcony. Twilight did not find my difficulties amusing and accused me of not really trying. Trixie, on the other hoof, was always reduced to tears of laughter and had started to give the ‘foal’ nicknames. The most recent were: Colt Concussion, Filly Fracture, Wreck-O-Mended, and Sir Bursts-A-Lot. Yesterday, I had given Trixie the idea of using stage props from her previous career and she was now able to maintain three juggling showers of five balls each, though she would invariably drop one or two when attempting to shift to a different pattern. What’s more, this exercise had captured her interest and she showed a genuine passion for improving her skills. That, however, was yesterday. Today, we were listening to Twilight drone on about magic theory and thaumaturgical equations. In this area, both of us were bored to tears as we felt the same way about the incomprehensible scrawling the purple alicorn wrote on her chalkboard, her hoof dancing with her passion for the subject. In contrast, I imagine we both had the same unenthusiastic and slightly hostile stare aimed at our teacher. I shoved Trixie with a shoulder. “You’re stupid.” Like me, she continued to glare at Twilight as she poked me with a knee. “Well, you’re dumb.” Push. “Magic is dumb.” Jab. “Then you’re made of magic.” Ooohh. Good one, Trixie. “Better than what you’re full of.” I heard her gasp. She was familiar with that phrase as I had used it to describe certain nobles on occasion. She raised her voice, turned towards me, and shoved me with both hooves. “Stop pushing me!” I faced her and windmilled my forelegs. “Stoooooooooooooooop!” She did the same, matching my tone to completely drown out Twilight’s lecture. “Stoooooooooooooop!” Our teacher finally noticed that her class was no longer even pretending to pay attention. “Mark! Trixie! Stop acting like foals!” I took my cue. “You’re a meanie! Steady Flight is a much cuter teacher than you!” The former showmare was just as quick on the uptake. “Teacher, I need to go to the bathroom! Can I get a hall pass?” Twilight groaned and covered her face with her forehooves. When she looked up again, both Trixie and I burst out laughing, holding each other up for support. The Princess of Magic tossed her chalk to the tray at the bottom of her chalkboard. “Very funny, you two.” Neither of us bothered to tell her that the cause of our merriment was the white line on her lavender coat that streaked across her face from bottom to top. Twilight frowned. “Fine. We’ll get started on practical applications then. Trixie: teleporting items to you from across the room.” The blue unicorn groaned. She had not mastered anything larger than a cherry pit so far. “Mark: levitation. Keep in mind that you are putting too much effort into it. Your magic is more than strong enough to do the task easily.” As Twilight started reviewing the process of object teleportation to Trixie, I sat down in front of the bane of my existence and tuned them out. I tried to gently lift it upwards with the same effect as this normally had. Nothing. This had been my problem all along – either my magic was too weak to move the item at all, or it was strong enough to fling the bag around like a button-enhanced missile. I thought about my difficulties, wondering if there was a different way to approach the problem. I checked my wristband – about thirty-five percent. Invariably, when I drew on my stored energy, it would come out too fast, although I had to admit that at least with flying, I was getting much better at regulating the outflow. Presumably, I would eventually get that kind of control when tapping my unicorn magic. Was there a way to “pre-charge” an item so it would respond to just a light touch of my magic? That was something I had not attempted. I let out a deep breath and touched my horn to the sack. I concentrated on dumping some of my unicorn magic into it, though I was not sure how much. Better too much than too little. After a while, I checked my wristband. About ten percent now. That should be plenty. Raising my head, I noticed that my effort had been rewarded with a golden glow emanating through the tiny holes in the canvas. Perfect. I reached out and tried to levitate the sack with just the smallest amount of my magic. Nothing. I tried my standard amount next, still very controlled. The bag jerked a bit but stayed on the floor. I frowned as I considered the problem. Maybe it just needed to be forced off the floor and then it would float freely. I gave the bag a sharp pull upwards with a strong burst of magic. Burst was right. The sack shot into the ceiling and disintegrated, spreading glowing sawdust in all directions. When I opened my eyes, I saw the entire room bathed in a golden glow that seemed to coat every surface, including the parts of the two mares that had been facing the blast. Trixie looked at the room in wonder. “Ooooooohhhhhh!” The effect was very pretty, I had to admit. Twilight glanced around then focused her unhappy gaze on me. Before she said anything, I noticed something odd out of the corner of my eye. Just before the last of the glow dissipated, I thought I saw a black spot on the wall next to the room’s large bookcase. I walked over and started to feel the unbroken expanse of marble with a forehoof. “Mark?” Twilight trotted up on my left. “Did you see something?” Soon afterwards, Trixie came up on my right but said nothing. I heard the door to the chamber open. “So what happened?” I turned to see Rainbow Dash enter, followed by the rest of the Elements. “I was flying below your tower and saw a puff of golden magic come out from your balcony, so I gathered up the girls.” Trixie waved away the two guards who had also entered. They bowed and closed the door behind them as they left. Rarity sneezed. “A bit dusty in here. When was the last time your maid did her rounds?” Trixie said. “No mortal housecleaning staff can keep up with Mismark Quells. His talent at creating Chaos is second to only… ah… one other.” I grinned. Accidentally calling on a certain Lord of Chaos was not a good idea, and even when you did want to summon him it wasn’t without risk. Just because he was a friend didn’t stop him from being true to his nature. My hoof then found a depression in the wall. Lifting that hoof showed nothing but solid stone. I moved to the side. “Twilight, would you tell me what you feel right here?” She walked up alongside me and ran her hoof along the surface, then lit up her horn. She gave a few experimental raps to the stone. “It feels like solid marble. Scans show nothing to the contrary.” I carefully reached out my hoof. Twilight gasped when the front tip of it disappeared into the wall. I rotated my hoof around. “It’s a circular depression. Maybe two inches wide. I don’t know how deep.” Then I noticed what was sticking out in my upper view. I stared at my horn then looked questioningly at Twilight. She nodded. “Try placing it inside then using a small amount of your magic.” I hesitantly lined up my magic appendage to where my forehoof was pointing. I heard the mares around me hold their breath as I slowly sunk my horn directly into the wall. When I bottomed out, it felt like the hole had been made with me in mind—it fitted snugly on all sides. I guided a bit of magic into it. CLICK To my left, the bookcase moved away from the wall about an inch. Gently, I pulled straight back until my horn was free. Twilight was closer to the side of the bookcase and pushed it away from the wall. It rotated on some hidden hinges and all of us craned our necks to see what had been concealed behind it. What we saw was a chamber beyond shrouded in darkness. I blinked and looked at the nearest window in Trixie’s room. This was the outer wall to her quarters. There should be nothing but sky beyond it. “A dimensional portal?” I asked Twilight. She looked at the edges of the doorway and the floor of the room beyond, her horn glowing. “I think so. The floor consists of Alusian Granite. I think the room was carved out deep inside Canterlot Mountain. I suspect this is the only way in or out.” She levitated one of the door wedges from the front of the room and secured the bookcase in the open position. I heard voices behind me. “Well, ain’t that somethin’.” “Huh! And I thought I knew every place in Equestria that could have a party.” “Awesome! Just like in Daring Do and the Curse of the Spider King.” “Princess Celestia’s own secret chamber… fabulous!” “Should we go in there? I mean… is it safe?” Twilight turned and started to move for the portal. “Wait!” I said, holding out a forehoof to stop her. She glanced up at me and raised an eyebrow. I turned back to the yellow pegasus. “Thank you, Fluttershy.” I looked back down at the purple alicorn. “Have you ever been here before?” She shook her head. “Then it stands to reason that Celestia could have put up some wards to prevent anypony else from entering, or at least until she had done so.” Twilight’s eyes widened and she stepped back. I lit the end of my horn with the matchstick spell. It gave off a dim white light and was the easiest and first spell a unicorn ever learned. I was no exception. I swallowed and poked my horn through the opening, then when nothing happened, stepped through. The chamber was suddenly bathed in light as torches along the walls lit with a peculiar white flame that had to be magic. A wind swirled around the room, lifting some dust and replacing the stale air with fresh. I moved aside and looked back as Twilight entered, her horn bright. When she stood next to me, her horn aura winked out and she stared open-mouthed at everything around us. Before following her gaze, I glanced next to the portal we had just exited. Sure enough, there was a hole in the stone wall, doubtless to allow a return journey. I trotted forwards and let go of the matchstick spell, glancing at everything quickly while the rest of the girls came in. The room was perhaps forty feet in length and width, with the center space empty. The vaulted ceiling was made of the same red granite and was high enough overhead to allow limited flying practice. The walls held a collection of weapons racks, ponykin forms holding different sets of armor, display cabinets, tall dressers, and a number of paintings slid into a storage framework that held them so they would stay vertical. Twilight pointed to an irregular line of dull grey that cut across the ceiling. “Nullstone. That vein would make it impossible to teleport in or out of here, plus make it invisible to any type of magical scan. It must have taken an incredible amount of power to create the portal this close to the vein … probably both alicorns working together.” The girls spread out and were talking animatedly about what they found. “What is that?” “I think it is a hoof-carved wooden figure – you know, like the kind foals get as a circus prize.” “A scarf. A rock. A pencil. This cabinet is filled with mementos. I bet every one is a cherished memory.” “I wonder how old that fauchard is? It still looks sharp.” “Isn’t that a halberd?” “Naw. No axe blade.” “How do you know so much about polearms?” “Ogres and Oubliettes, of course.” “Silk pajamas! And I think this is Neighponese fine-weave… but the silkworms that made this were all lost during a typhoon hundreds of years ago!” “That there is one mighty handsome stallion. The painter did a great job!” “Actually, they prefer to be called artists, darling.” “I wonder… was this a shelter? A safe hiding place?” “I don’t think so, silly! No food, no water, no entertainment!” I walked up next to Twilight. She stood gaping at two bookshelves that were set by themselves on one side of the room. One held books that were all bound in different types of animal hide. The ones on the top shelf were various shades of black and made my hair stand on end just being close to them. Twilight and I looked at each other and I knew exactly what she was thinking. I gently took the book closest to me on the lowest shelf. I held the forest green volume out for Twilight to inspect, turning it this way and that. “Dragon hide,” she said, shuddering. After a deep breath, she continued. “No markings on the spine or covers.” She looked up and nodded. I sat down and pulled the book into my lap, putting a hoof on the flap that held the book closed. I tried to lift it but it wouldn’t budge. I then tried holding the matchstick spell again, then a simple door opening spell, followed by a door unlocking spell. Nothing. Twilight put her hoof on my shoulder. “A mystery for another time.” Trixie came up to us. “What did you find, Grand Vizier?” I glanced back. “These are Princess Celestia’s spellbooks.” I heard all conversation cease and the clip-clop of everypony approaching. “Inside these tomes are all the magic spells that Celestia thought worthwhile to preserve.” I glanced at the top shelf. “Perhaps including volumes from Sombra or copied from ponies equally as vile.” I sighed as I stood and returned the book that was in my hooves. “Without a doubt, the magic spells needed to create and possibly repair mirror portals are in these books, but I can’t open them… not yet anyway.” I then looked carefully at the volumes in the other bookcase. There were seven rows of books, the top six shelves containing ten identically sized thick tomes. The spines bore sequential numbers: 1 through 64. While the top set of books was the most worn and certainly the oldest, every book was in remarkably good shape. I reached out and took volume 64. To my surprise, it did not have a flap holding it closed and it opened easily in my grasp. I looked down at a blank page, perhaps halfway through the book. I sat back down and felt the breath of seven mares over my shoulders as they jostled for position. I flipped backward and soon found the most recent update. I read aloud. “Ten days before Hearth’s Warming, Year Three of the 2 Sisters. Our efforts in Zebrica have borne fruit, and with it, the end of Zebrican warmongering against their eastern neighbor. Tribal Leader Thrush is to be commended. If we can ever convince him to leave his current position, he will have a safe home in Equestria. Abyssinia remains a problem, but our three agents there believe they will be too busy with internal divisions for the time being. If the political situation goes sour as quickly as I think it will, I will need to introduce them to each other for a ‘liberation’ mission.” “Her private diary,” breathed Twilight Sparkle. “I had no idea she kept one.” She looked up to the top row of books. “Maybe going all the way back to her first days as ruler.” Trixie frowned. “More importantly, the Solar Princess did not bother to record why she was leaving in a hurry.” I flipped back a page to find a numbered list. “Twenty days before Hearth’s Warming, Year Three of the 2 Sisters. The One Hundred Hottest and Studliest Stallions in Equestria as voted on by Me.” I heard Applejack’s voice moving back into the room behind me. “Now that there is jus’ plain invadin’ her privacy. Ah cain’t cotton any a that.” I narrowed my brows. “Big Macintosh Apple is listed here.” I heard gasps from behind me and in a moment, the orange earth pony had pushed her way up to look over my shoulder. “Lemme see that….” I pointed with my hoof. “Seventy-third?! T’aint no way in Tartarus that there are no seventy-two stallions better-lookin' than him. That’s an insult to all Apples!” She frowned at the page. “How in tarnation did Donut Joe get all the way to twenty-fifth?” I looked back. “Great donuts and coffee?” I proposed. Every other mare nodded their heads in agreement. “And what’s this ‘Mountain Blood is always number one’ supposed to mean?” I sighed and closed the book before any more bickering could start. “Despite Applejack’s reasonable argument that we have no place poking around in Princess Celestia’s private diaries…” This got a glare from the farm pony but a guffaw from Rainbow Dash. “…we actually do need to poke around in them.” I waved a hoof at the bookshelf. “Somewhere in these volumes is almost certainly the whole story or at least part of the story about what was so important that the Royal Sisters had to run off like they did. The question is, how do we find it?” “We don’t,” answered Trixie. “We task somepony to read through the books and separate the wheat from the fairly entertaining chaff, as it were. Somepony with outstanding organizational skills who knows Celestia as well as any of us.” “I’ll be happy to,” beamed Twilight Sparkle. Trixie glared back at her. “The last thing you need right now, Princess, is another time-consuming side project. No. I was referring to Raven Inkwell.” Twilight jumped a bit, then seemed to deflate. “Oh. Yes, I suppose she would be a good choice.” I pulled the alicorn into a hug with my wing. “Raven will report back to all of us regularly, and I’m sure she will have questions to ask about specific magic spells and whatnot.” The purple mare smiled a bit, her good mood returning. “Yes. That sounds good.” Pinkie bounded up and gave Twilight a hug from the other side. “If you like, I can finish your face-drawing. Would that make you feel better, Twilight?” The lavender mare stared at the earth pony blankly. Pinkie pointed with a hoof. “You know, finish those white lines on your face.” Twilight’s mouth opened and her eyes went wide before glaring at Trixie and myself. With a quick glow of her horn, the chalk line was wiped away. All the mares present started to chuckle. I turned to Trixie. “I think she was happier when she was using her muzzle as a chalkboard.” The blue mare smiled back. “Such a dedicated teacher.” Somehow, our witty comments failed to erase her scowl. I turned to the rest of my audience. “Ladies, as neat as the stuff is in this room, I recommend we go back and leave everything else here.” I waved Celestia’s Diary, volume 64 in front of me. “For now, we have everything we need.” I got some grumbles and lots of glancing around. “Just ten more minutes, darling.” Rarity jogged off towards a cabinet without waiting for my response. The rest of the Elements took that as their cue and likewise scattered across the room. Twilight watched them leave, shrugged her shoulders, and nosed the book in my hooves. For her part, Trixie just raised her eyebrow at me, perhaps curious if I could corral the other mares in the room. Defeated, I sighed and stretched out on the floor with the book in front of me. Trixie and Twilight happily lay down on either side, each resting their head on one of my shoulders. I opened to the first page. Instead of reading aloud Celestia’s musings on modern aqueduct design, I substituted my own story. “Once upon a time, there was a stallion named Mark Wells. He quickly became aware that he had no say in the matter whenever the two princesses brought all their friends.” I heard giggling in stereo. Trixie said, “Or any other time.” Twilight was just as much help. “Better to learn that now than suffer disappointment later.” More giggling. I rolled my eyes. I was starting to get an idea how long that “ten minutes” was going to take. “Then our hero Mark Wells became the dashing heroine Marklestia, thinking this was the only way to be taken seriously in this mare-run world. Tragically, his noble sacrifice was in vain and still he was ignored and every brilliant idea pooh-poohed.” “I’m sorry, what was that?” “I didn’t catch it either. Must not have been important.” I heard snickers and a hoof-clop somewhere over my back. The things I would do to help these two princesses get along. I paused at the door to my quarters and said to the Royal Guard stationed there, “Good evening, Crimson Boulder.” The large earth pony gave me a small smile and replied, “And the same to you, Your Lordship.” “I believe your shift ends in about a quarter hour, right?” “Yes, sir.” “Good. When you are relieved, I would like to talk to you in my room.” “Sir?” “Unless you have a previous engagement?” “No, Lord Wells.” “Excellent. I’ll see you soon.” I then entered my quarters where I found Steady Flight waiting for me. “Hi, Mark. How was your day?” “Not bad. Destroyed another practice dummy. Made an interesting discovery.” I divested myself of my apparel which Steady took to put away properly in my wardrobe. “May I ask what you found?” “We found Celestia’s private diaries. We’re hoping to discover something in them that could reveal why she and Luna rushed away so unexpectedly. The fact that they didn’t enlighten anypony suggests that it was a private matter for the Royal Sisters, thus could be only found in the diaries.” Steady looked thoughtful. “I wonder what else you’ll find?” “Well, you didn’t make it onto her One Hundred Hottest and Studliest Stallions in Equestria list.” His eyes opened wide and his ears perked up. “Say what?” I chuckled. “I’ll tell you about that later. Right now I’d like you to prepare for a guest. I’ve invited Crimson Boulder in for a chat when he gets off his shift.” “Oh? May I ask why?” “A couple of reasons, one of which is that I’m hoping to learn something from the corporal’s point of view.” “Okay. I’ll lay out extra cake and coffee. Did you want me to hang around?” “Definitely. You’ll soon learn why.” Steady nodded and got to work. I moved an extra chair to the coffee table where Steady and I would have our evening chats before I went to my bedroom’s en-suite bathroom to freshen up. I timed it nicely, getting back to my chair just before a loud rap on the door announced my visitor. Steady let the Guard in, saying, “His Lordship is expecting you.” The formality was for the benefit of the relief Guard. Until I set the tone of the meeting, we had to keep up appearances. “Come in!” I said. “Take off your helmet and anything else you’d like to, then make yourself comfortable.” I indicated the chair I’d placed for him. A little hesitantly, Crimson Boulder took off his helmet and set it aside along with the spear that was part of his standard equipment. With the headpiece off, the enchantment that anonymized the Royal Guards was lifted and revealed the stallion’s crimson coat and purple mane. He walked over and sat in the chair which, despite its solid construction, creaked under the weight of the large earth pony. “You wanted to talk to me, sir?” he asked. “Yes, indeed, but first of all, that’s the last time I want to hear you call me ‘sir’ this evening. Understood? My name is Mark.” “Uh, yes s– um, Mark.” “Second of all – lighten up. This is just a friendly chat between you, me, and Steady here.” My valet and good friend took the cue to drop the formal act. He placed a tray of pastries and a large mug in front of Crimson before sinking into his own chair. “Yeah, if Mark wants to be informal, don’t be concerned about pussyfooting around him. Ignore his titles and relax.” “What he said,” I added with a smile. “Now – help yourself to coffee, or would you prefer tea?” “Coffee’s fine. Umm… may I ask why you wanted to chat with me?” “I’m glad you asked. I have two reasons, actually. First of all, my circle of male friends is pathetically small. Oh, I’m acquainted with a lot of stallions, but aside from Steady Flight, the only guys I hang out with are Spike and I suppose Discord. I’d like to remedy that.” Crimson Boulder blinked in surprise. “Why me?” “Because you smile,” I replied enigmatically. “I don’t understand.” “Of all the Royal Guards that I deal with, especially those who watch my quarters, you are the only one who ever gives me a smile when you greet me.” “Oh. Actually, I’ve been reprimanded a few times for that. I’m supposed to maintain a neutral expression at all times.” “Can’t keep it in though, can you?” I asked with a grin. “No, I can’t help myself sometimes.” “And that’s why I chose you. You seem to be a competent Royal Guard without your natural exuberant friendliness being completely repressed. I’ve gotten Steady to discreetly look into your off-duty habits, so I knew a little about you before inviting you in tonight. Basically, you seem to me to be my kind of guy. So, do you think you’re up to making friends with a small pegasus with a big title?” Crimson chuckled and I finally saw him start to relax. “I suppose I can do that.” “Great! Don’t let your coffee get cold, and help yourself to the pastries. I think that you’ll enjoy hanging out with Steady and me if this works out. However, as I said, I have two reasons for asking you in tonight. I’d like to pick your brain.” “Oh? In what way?” the earth stallion asked before taking a large bite out of an apple turnover. “I’m looking for insights into Equestria’s military. After the recent altercation with Tirek, I believe a shake-up is needed, but I need some education in those matters before I start shooting off my mouth in ignorance. While you won’t be the sole source of my edification, I want to get an insider’s viewpoint and experience. Do you reckon that you can do that for me, Crimson Boulder?” “I’ll try my best, ah, Mark.” “Awesome! Let’s enjoy these pastries and coffee first, then we can get down to business.” Not surprisingly, Crimson Boulder was a little wary of my unexpected offer to be friends, and so it took a while for him to completely relax. It’s not as if it was a one-way thing either. I was taking a chance with asking a Royal Guard with whom I’d exchanged only a few words of greeting into my personal space, but I genuinely wanted some more male buddies and I had a good feeling about him. As the evening went on, we both got a better appreciation for each other, and with Steady there being obviously at ease with his supposed superior, he finally let his guard down and chatted without reservation. We didn’t just talk about the military though. I found out that he was a bachelor like me, although not without fillyfriends. He liked ten-pin bowling, so I told him about my first disastrous efforts. After he finished laughing, he invited me and Steady to have a game with him later that week which we accepted. We found that we had a pub that we liked in common, although I liked it more for the craft beer that they served rather than the barmaids that Crimson liked to flirt with. After several months in Equestria, I was gaining an appreciation for the finer points of feminine pony beauty and had to agree that they were easy on the eyes. We would have chatted for a lot longer except that Crimson had to turn in for the night to be fully rested for duty the next day. I promised that we’d chat again tomorrow evening before Steady let him out. When the door had closed behind the earth pony, Steady said, “Nice guy. I like him a lot.” “Me too. Really earthy sense of humor, which I suppose is not too surprising.” “Are you going to tell him about Marklestia?” “Not yet. I think we both need to be more familiar with each other and build some trust before I let him onto that secret.” Steady nodded. “I’d play it safe for a while. His indoctrination into loyalty to the alicorns might cause him some angst. Even though your alter ego is only a pegacorn, you still look exactly like Celestia barring your cutie mark.” Recalling how the citizens of Ponyville had reacted, I had to agree. “Don’t worry – deep friendships take a while to form. I’ll wait until he’s ready for that.” “So – did you learn from him what you wanted to know?” “Yes, for the most part. Now I want to have a chat with someone higher on the chain of command and see things from that point of view.” “Who did you have in mind?” “Prince Shining Armor.” Steady blinked. “You don’t aim low, do you?” I grinned. “Helps to know ponies in high places.” Once he learned that I was researching the ineffectiveness of the military in significant recent events, Shining Armor set aside half a day to meet with me. I came back from the Crystal Empire with pages of notes and a decent idea of what I was going to present. It took a week to get everything ready, and a dry run with Shining Armor let me do some fine tuning before his wife arrived the following day. The next morning I was as ready as I would ever be. I just hoped the others would forgive me for what I was about to do. Trixie, Twilight, Cadance, and Shining Armor all filed into the small conference room in Canterlot Castle. Shining put up a shield spell to keep everypony else out, and his sister put up wards to prevent anyone from listening in. Because no known magic could stop scroll delivery by dragonfire, Spike or the Guild of Mages could still reach us if an emergency arose. I braced myself – this was not going to be pleasant. “Thank you all for agreeing to this summit meeting. I neither expected nor wanted the title of Knight of the Realm with the rank and responsibility that came with it, but I assure you that I take it very seriously. With this in mind, I have undertaken a review of Equestria’s military readiness to cope with extraordinary circumstances and found it extremely wanting. As I am not a military expert, I consulted with Prince Shining Armor to verify my findings and identify areas where we desperately need to make improvements.” I looked at them with a frown. “Let’s start with where we are right now. I’ve already heard what Shining has to say on the matter, so I’d like to learn what everypony else has done or plans to do. What changes were made in the Royal Guards and the Equestrian armed forces as a result of the Changeling Invasion?” The three mares looked at each other, then Twilight answered. “Additional research was started to detect changeling magic and counter their illusions. New spells have been created and existing ones modified. Sweeps are done throughout the castle on an irregular schedule. Biographical data has been compiled on all castle staff members and military ponies. Random members of both are questioned informally to determine if they recall these unimportant facts that no changeling infiltrator would know.” Trixie continued. “A bounty on changelings, living or dead, has been extended to all nations, including agreements to share intelligence on their race. To date, we have not shared our additional countermeasures with any groups except for the griffons and of course the Crystal Empire.” “And do we have any defectors or live specimens? Do we know about any other changeling hives? If so, are they a threat too?” Cadance said, “No to the first two questions, and unknown to the last.” I looked at the pink alicorn. “And what about military tactics? How has the Royal Guard, the Crystal Pony military, and the Equestrian Navy and Army changed to better deal with the threat?” She looked to her husband, but he sat impassively. I had to give him marks for that. Cadance looked back to me. “After a six-week study, the senior military leadership determined the problem to be lack of training. Troops are being rotated through—” I held up a hoof to stop her. “Same question with Tirek. What has changed to deal with that kind of threat?” Twilight shifted uncomfortably. “There is no preliminary report out yet, although we’ve been promised one in four weeks’ time.” “I’m sure Equestria’s enemies will be gracious enough to wait a month or two while we get our act together,” I replied sarcastically. I sighed and frowned, gripping the skin at the top of my muzzle with a hoof. After waiting a full minute, I asked, “Does anyone here think that is good enough? Any of it?” Trixie said, “In your role as Grand Vizier and now Knight of the Realm, if you have suggestions on how to improve—” “I have already brought up the need for a vastly improved communications system; if I had others, I would have said so already. No, if I just had suggestions, this meeting would not be necessary. The situation is far too potentially catastrophic to simply make ‘suggestions’. ” Looking around the room, I saw that I certainly had their attention now. “Let me tell you something about my world that you’re really not going to like but you need to know and understand. I apologize in advance for the distress that I am about to cause you. A century ago, we used to approach war in a way similar to how you ponies do now – respect for the enemy’s basic rights; allowing bodies to be removed from the battlefield; keeping conflict away from civilian areas; that sort of thing. And then, everything changed.” I stood up and started pacing. “A hundred years ago, the opening months of war resulted in ten thousand humans dying and ten thousand more wounded on each side, every single day. Soon, there were no more soldiers left to throw into the grinder and all the rules of war went out the window. Killing civilians. Poison gas attacks. Nonstop bombardments of explosive shells that would last for days. The next war was worse. Cities of hundreds of thousands killed. Entire populations killed or starved to death. Millions dead.” Twilight vomited up her breakfast, quickly followed by Cadance. Trixie was trembling and went pale. I waited until they had recovered somewhat before continuing. I pointed a foreleg to the side. “Somewhere out there, you have an enemy that is perfectly willing to do that and more to you. Chrysalis would have enslaved all ponykind and bred you like carp to use you as nothing but a food source. Tirek would have continued his rampage and let every last pony die, not to mention all other beings that rely on magic for survival. Shining Armor has enlightened me about major threats from the past such as windigos that could have destroyed Equestrian civilization. And from what little I’ve gathered from our foreign intelligence, I’m sure there are worse out there.” I straightened up. “Here – let me give you an example of what war can be.” I pulled two brass cylinders from a cloth bag I had sitting on the desk. One end of each had been filed and polished into a blunt point. The smallest was about half an inch long. The largest an inch and a half. “Imagine this is flying through the air at the speed of sound at a line of Equestrian soldiers. Now picture this being done accurately from three hundred yards away. Now imagine each enemy soldier can cast out ten of these per second, all from a hoof-held device that requires minimal training. That is what the science-based technology from my world could do. With the addition of the magic of yours, the lethality could be made much worse.” I tossed the larger cylinder to Shining Armor. I had not shown the dummy shells to him earlier. “You have one of the strongest magical shields in Equestria, right? If this was travelling at twice the speed of sound and all that kinetic energy hit a point on your shield the size of the tip of this shell, what would happen?” The prince rolled the brass cylinder on his hoof. “If I was protecting a city, the area around the impact would be weakened for several seconds. If my shield was just protecting myself, it would stop the shell but shatter in the process. The feedback would prevent me from casting a new shield for around a minute.” I turned to the remaining Equestrian leaders. “Waiting six weeks to be told that everything in ‘the book’ is just fine and soldiers just need to better understand what is in ‘the book’ is no longer acceptable. Your enemies have read ‘the book’ and are using your incompetence and predictability to defeat you.” I slammed my hoof on the table. “I want every senior member of the military and Royal Guard to be fired. Let go. Told their services are no longer required. That would send the right message. That doing things the same old way is no longer acceptable. I don’t want the likes of General Forthright telling me or anyone else in authority to mind our own business because he ‘knows better’.” Twilight spoke. “I … I don’t think military regulations will allow this. There are limits on what the princesses are allowed to change.” Shining Armor said, “Actually, sister, if a declaration of war is made, then you and Trixie would have the authority to do so. Nevertheless, I believe that is going too far.” I waved a hoof. “If you can’t stomach that, then give them the option of retiring or being demoted back to Lieutenant rank. If they can prove themselves to be competent enough to be promoted again, so be it. As Knight of the Realm and the top-most authority under the Crown, I insist upon it.” No pony spoke, so I continued. “My job, the job that you foisted upon me, is to make sure Equestria and the Crystal Empire are ready when, not if, the next enemy comes. There are smart ponies in the services that can solve these problems and make new strategies. Tactics from the single soldier all the way up to full army level. Equipment improvements. Taking the information from the foreign services department and feeding it into strategy sessions and adjusting our tactics.” I placed a deck of playing cards on the table. I picked up the first and showed it was a blank card that now had my writing on it. “Using what I remember from Earth’s conflicts, our literature, and even several role-playing games, I put together a set of fifty-two scenarios and challenges for our potential new top officers and non-coms. I’ll also be asking soldiers to provide their own suggestions. Shining Armor picked out sixteen individuals who I’ll run through the first session later today. Shining will be disguised as a generic Royal Guardsman and will take notes. We hope to have recommendations for promotions by the end of the week. We’ll also likely have a list of ponies that simply can’t adjust to the new reality of the threats to Equestria. They can serve Equestria in other ways than be in the military. Either they decide on their own to leave or we can help them out the door. After one year, I want to see a military force that has an effective plan of action for any eventuality we can foresee and knows how to formulate one for those that we can’t.” I looked around the room. “Any questions? Objections?” Twilight stood up, a bit shaky but determined. “Mark, I had no idea your world was capable of so much… darkness. It’s a miracle that you came out of that environment as the person that you are.” She took a deep breath. “The magic of Harmony and Friendship are real here, Mark. I’m afraid that if Equestria goes down the path your world did, then all that magic would die.” I smiled reassuringly. “That’s why I’m not advocating the use of weapons like those on my world. That’s also why I used an emetic against Tirek rather than something that would have killed him. I want to preserve Equestria’s way of life, but to do that I need ponies to be prepared for everything up to and including the worst possibilities. Ponies who can think, not just act. Pony soldiers need to be confident in their ability to defend their nation. Let’s face it, Twilight – the last two conflicts showed how weak the Equestrian military is right now. Only through radical action will it improve in time for the next. I got lucky with Tirek – we can’t rely on luck in the future.” Shining said, “No, Mark – we won because you thought outside the box, and that’s exactly what we need to be able to do too. We relied entirely on our conventional magical abilities at a time when magic only compounded the problem. You came up with a solution which used Tirek’s ability to consume magic against him. That’s what you’re trying to teach us, and that’s why you’re the ideal pony for the job, even though you don’t want it.” As much as I hated to admit it, it took a non-pony like me, or at least like I used to be, to think differently from the normal ponies. And that’s why I was stuck with this job. If I could not get back to Earth and Equestria was going to be my permanent new home, I wanted to protect it to the best of my modest abilities. Maybe Harmony had this in mind for me from the beginning, but I didn’t care anymore. I had friends here that I would do anything to protect, and if it took a former human like me to do it, I would not be found wanting. I deliberately chose not to wear my badge of office, Knight of the Realm medallion, or Pink Heart of Courage to the classroom. The soldiers I was looking for would not be affected one way or the other by trappings of power. Besides the teacher’s desk at the front, there were sixteen chairs in the center and four small tables, one in each corner. Shining held a clipboard in his magic and stood behind me, the regulation armor and helmet rendering him anonymous. The chairs were filled with an interesting set of young officers and not-quite-so-young sergeants, all in civilian dress or none at all. Each sat at attention as the last of them to arrive found a chair. Two crystal ponies, four pegasi, four unicorns, two thestrals, three earth ponies, and a griffon made up the class. To a last one, they did not stare directly ahead as they waited. Instead, their gazes wandered around to the other occupants, most frequently to me. That was a good sign – inquisitive minds that chose not to suppress the curiosity their training had attempted to drive out of them. It also meant I didn’t need to introduce myself — they would already know who I am and my position in the Equestrian government. The moment the last one was seated, I nodded to the door. Shining Armor closed it with his magic and the walls, ceiling, and floor glowed as the room’s privacy wards activated. I pointed to the thick tome on the edge of the desk. “Who can give me the title of this book?” Every hoof and claw went up almost simultaneously. I couldn’t help but grin. I looked at the closest student and nodded. She was an earth pony with two crossed anchors as her cutie mark: one gold and one silver. “Sir. That is the Equestrian Military Handbook, Revised Edition.” I looked to the thestral on her left. Her cutie mark was an open book and a quill pen. “And when was it revised?” “Sir. Two hundred and fifty-seven years ago, next month.” Hmm. I hadn’t known it down to the month. I looked to the back at the crystal pony mare. “And after that major revision, what are the extent of the changes made on a yearly basis?” She blinked. “Umm… sir, I believe the only updates are to keep the troop and population levels current.” I nodded. “Do you know where I found this? In a used bookstore a short jog away from the palace. Nothing illegal about it being for sale there. It’s not like something that ancient and codified can be kept secret anyway.” I stood up and walked in front of the table. I nodded to the lone griffon hen. “And what do you think Equestria’s enemies do with this illustrated guidebook to all of our tactics and procedures?” “They use it to find our weaknesses and exploit them.” I let that hang in the air for a few moments. Without looking, I tapped the volume with my hoof and it toppled into the wastebasket below. “Today’s class will be about changing this. From this point forward, everyone is at ease and a full partner in coming up with solutions. I will present a scenario and you will all have to work in teams to determine possible solutions. You will present three possible approaches and defend why you chose your favorite.” I picked up the deck of playing cards from the table and held it up. “I’ve written out fifty-two scenarios as a starting point. At the end of our hour together, I’d like you to suggest your own. They can cover any aspect of our joint mission to protect Equestria and the Crystal Empire that you feel could be improved.” I shuffled the cards loosely and flipped the top one so I could read it. “Ah! Princess Celestia has returned but she is insane.” I looked up. “In a matter of hours, she killed every citizen of Vanhoover. Delegations consisting of ponies she personally knew and cared about have all been killed as well. Your intelligence has revealed that she will be advancing towards Canterlot next after a known amount of time. You have 100% confidence in the time estimate.” “Each of you is in a group of four that is closest to a corner table. Each group has a different amount of time to prepare for her arrival. I pointed to the different tables in turn. Group 1: You have four hours. Group 2: Four days. Group 3: Four months. Group 4: Four years. Sergeant Scratchy…” I nodded to Shining Armor who raised an eyebrow. “…will be observing but not participating. Each group has an hour to make their recommendations. Begin.” I let Shining walk around with the clipboard while I sat at my desk, making observations. Swiveling my ears to listen in to each table in turn, I was again impressed with the caliber of minds that Shining had found for this preliminary class. I had not actually chosen the scenario randomly, but to weed out any old guard that had their priorities wrong. Not one balked at the notion of opposing their former ruler for the sake of the ponies they had sworn to protect. After twenty-five minutes, I called a halt. Everyone turned to me. I smirked. “No, this is not the mind game where you were supposed to be done in half the time you were allotted.” That got some chuckles and smiles. Apparently, everyone was more than familiar with that trick. “Instead, the teams are going to share the ideas you have come up with so far. If you are sitting at the outside corner of your table, stay there. Otherwise, move to the table closest to where you are sitting. Each new table will have one member from each old table. Continue.” The ponies and griffon rearranged themselves and discussion resumed. “Sergeant Scratchy” gave me a quick grin then went back to cycling around the tables. I gave the teams a five-minute warning then called time. Each had nominated a presenter and defended their conclusions. I let Shining do the majority of the questioning while I wrote down notes to supplement the extensive ones already taken by Shining. The ideas ranged from producing a clone to fight Celestia (perhaps precipitated by certain rumors), to producing clouds of nullstone dust, to overpowering her with a thousand hidden unicorns at the outskirts of town, to reactivating the Elements of Harmony, to forming a mutual-defense pact with Queen Chrysalis. The last one was the most surprising but was well defended by the speaker arguing that everything that had been developed to detect and counter the changelings could be tried surreptitiously during the chaos of battle, likely resulting in a drastic reduction of the threat the changelings would hold in the future. I wrote down Lieutenant Race Sulky as one to watch. After the participants had provided a couple dozen more scenario suggestions, I thanked every pony and hen for coming. After they had left, Shining Armor took off his helmet. “Were you satisfied, Grand Vizier?” “It’s still Mark. And yes. All of these soldiers were outstanding. I suspect you don’t have another group that promising lined up for the second session?” He shook his head. “All these were the best of the best. It will be hit or miss from now on. You should have saved the ‘Celestia’ scenario for some of the ponies that accepted demotion.” I waved a hoof. “I wanted to use it now to gauge reactions. I should have picked up more quickly that this was not a typical group.” The Prince sighed as he sat down. “I have to admit my complicity in all this, Mark. I saw many of these problems while I was in the Royal Guard. I tried to suggest better ways to prepare guardsmen for their duties. My ideas were appreciated but rarely acted upon. Once I got to the top position...” he paused, then sighed. “I’m afraid Celestia was even less interested in having the force be more than occasional policemen for the generally law-abiding citizenry. I had to threaten to resign my commission just to get the best quality weapons for every soldier under my command.” I smiled. “I think your fiancée at the time would have screamed at her aunt for days in the full Royal Canterlot Voice if Celestia had accepted your resignation.” He snorted. “Wasn’t on my mind at the time. I should have pushed harder. Much harder. The result of my failure, you already know.” “Well, you now have the opposite problem. By the time we’re done with these sessions, we will have too many ideas to pursue all of them.” He gave me a genuine smile. “A good problem to have. I assume that since you brought it up, you already have a solution?” I nodded. “Cost-Benefit Analysis. Something Raven is already somewhat familiar with, at least in general terms. You score different alternatives based on their risk; possible benefit; and the resources needed in ponies, time, and bits. We also have the advantage that no pony is better than your sister at evaluating ideas on new fields or applications of magic.” “The hardest part is getting her to delegate the research. She’s going to hate that.” “She has to. There will be too many important projects going on at once. And that’s in addition to all of her other royal duties. Besides, after the first round of projects are complete, she’ll have a team of researchers that will allow her to multiply what she could have ever done on her own.” “And there’s the carrot.” Shining chuckled as he got up, stowing away his papers as he put on his saddlebags. “Trixie has several ideas on how our nations can project the appearance of a formidable military during this period when the chain of command is still being determined. Cady is tearing through the procedures of the departments in the castle to speed up the approval process for everything, and yes, I do mean everything. But now, it would only be polite to meet our mares for dinner.” He glanced back to me with a questioning look. I shook my head and grinned. I likewise put away my notes and card deck then donned my panniers. I lifted the Equestrian Military Handbook, Revised Edition out of the wastebasket and set it at the edge of the desk again. I trotted through the door he held open for me. “I think you hang around your wife a bit too much. Her nosiness is rubbing off on you.” # # # # # # # # #