//------------------------------// // Leaving the New People for the Old People // Story: Ultimate Battle of Ultimate Pony Destiny // by Haku1013 //------------------------------// “Decepticons? What are those?” Twilight asked Optimus, who merely shooed her away. “That is a question that must be answered another time. For now, you must get your friend out of here.” Twilight nodded her head in agreement as she watched Pinkie sob over Rainbow Dash’s body, which began to stir under the pink ponies constant waterfall of tears. With a grunt, Rainbow managed to pick up her head, only to meet a vicious hug from Pinkie. “Oh Dashie! Are you ok? When I heard you were hurt, we all ran as quick as we could to get here. And we did get here, We all saw you lying here asleep, but you weren’t asleep! And I went all ‘huh!’ and so I ran to you and told you to wake up, but you didn’t wake up since you weren’t really awake!” Pinkie continued as she hugged Rainbow’s head tightly. “That’s cool to hear Pinkie... but right now... can’t.... breathe,” Rainbow said. “The Great and Medicinal Trixie believes that the pink one should not hug the rainbow one’s head so tightly, as she needs some way to breathe,” Trixie explained as she pried Pinkie off of Rainbow, the latter glad to take in some air again. After a moment, Rainbow began to notice her surroundings and the people in it. “Hey, um, where are we? Ow!” Rainbow shouted as she held her side. “And why does it feel like I just got hit by my own sonic rainboom?” “We are in, as one may call it, a cave,” Deadpool answered, having set himself next to the downed pegasus. “And you ended up getting hurt when you were attacked by...” He trailed off. “Yo, Optimistic, what did you say happened again?” Optimus turned away from the ponies and towards Deadpool. “She was attacked by what I believe the ponies call a ‘manticore.’ But what I wish to know is why a human is on this planet, let alone one such as yourself. I have not seen one of you kind here since we arrived many weeks ago.” Deadpool scratched the back of his head through his mask. “Well, long story short, we went through some weird tunnel made of light. Boba Fett, this guy we have tied up in a shed, said it was some sort of wormhole, but I don't think it was.” “Oh?” Twilight asked, “And why’s that?” Deadpool shrugged. “The hell if I know. I’m more of ‘shoot-it-until-it’s-dead’ kind of guy, not the Egghead type.” Turning back to the cyan pegasus, Deadpool spoke. “You good to walk, RD? Or do I have to carry you? Please tell me you’re good to go. I normally only let girls ride me at certain times, and I’d rather not get you drunk off your ass and drag you back to my place.” Moving onto her feet, Rainbow wobbled a bit before finding her balance. With a nod of her head, she took a step forward, only to let out a cry of pain and fall onto her side. “Careful Dashie,” Pinkie said as she helped her friend up, “You ain’t feeling too well. Let Deadpool carry you.” Rainbow only let out an annoyed grunt as the pink part pony helped her onto Deadpool’s back. When Deadpool was sure he had firm hold on Rainbow, Deadpool began walking towards the exit. “Welp, this isn’t good.” “Why not?” “I don’t know any good bars around here!” And with that, Deadpool left the sight of everyone in the cave, his rainbow passenger letting out a groan. “Yo! We leaving yet? Last I checked, we left Whatshername and Rorschach alone with that Boba guy and Banner. And from what Ol’ Weasel told me, Boba Fett is one tough burrito!” Deadpool called out. Twilight’s eyes widened as the realization hit her. They did indeed leave their friends alone with a bounty hunter. From space. Who had, from she could tell, a lot of experience with weapons. Specifically ones that were meant to seriously injure, and/or maim other people or ponies. Looking through the massive hole in the stone ceiling, Twilight was able to to see that the sun had begun to set, and if they were going to make it back before it got dark, they would need to leave soon. “Mr. Pool is right, we need to leave. It’s getting late and not only did we leave the others behind, but Rainbow needs to be taken to the hospital,” Twilight explained. Optimus nodded in agreement. “Yes, and to ensure your quick arrival, Hot Rod,” Optimus called to his fellow Autobot, “Take the group to the edge of the forest.” Giving a quick salute, Hot Rod transformed into a sports car and drove off to to the entrance of the cave to catch up with the three who had already left. “Hey guys! Wait for me!” he shouted as drove off. Trixie, who had since walked behind Twilight, spoke next. “The Tired and Exhausted Trixie thinks we should leave for now, Twilight. Trixie needs her beauty sleep, as it is getting late.” Twilight turned to Optimus. “Well, I guess we’ll be taking our leave for the day, Mr. Prime. But I do assure you,” she continued, “We will be back for some more answers.” Twilight left with a kind smile on her face, leaving behind both Optimus and Grimlock alone. Trixie followed the purple pony out, obviously trying to lead the way instead. Once exiting through the hole they had come through, they were met with the sight of both Pinkie and Deadpool trying to shove Rainbow in the backseat of Hot Rod. “No way am I getting into the back seat! I called shotgun!” Rainbow shouted as she held her own against the two beings. “No way RD! I’m the only human, therefore I get the front! And besides, I need to extra room!” “For what?!” “For Pinkie of course! We were going to play tic tac toe on the way back, and Pinkie already has one seat reserved for the dice,” Deadpool explained. Rainbow could only reply with a confused ‘huh?’ before being pushed through the door. Taking this chance, Deadpool quickly opened the front door and entered as fast as he could, Pinkie following. With a slam of the door, Hot Rod let out a loud sigh of relief. Opening the back door again to let in the two remaining ponies, both of whom entered rather slowly, expecting some sort of trick from the rainbow pony already inside. Neither pony needed to spend an hour cleaning their manes if Rainbow managed to push them into the mud while trying to escape. However, it soon became obvious that Rainbow wasn't going to try anything when both Twilight and Trixie entered the car and closed the door. “Hey! Why doesn’t Trixie get a window seat?” Trixie asked when she realized that she had ended up sitting between both Rainbow Dash and Twilight, both of whom had started to stare out the window as Hot Rod sped through EVerfree Forest. “Because I’m injured,” Rainbow Dash explained. “Because I get car sick,” Twilight explained. Trixie stared at her dumbfounded. “What?! This is your first time in a car of any sorts!” “Yes,” Twilight said, “but I am sure that I will get car sick, and trust me, for when I do, you’re going to want me by the window.” Trixie slouched in her seat with a ‘humph’ and simply pouted for the remainder of the ride. When Hot Rod came close the edge of the forest, not far from Fluttershy’s house, he came to a stop and opened the doors to let the group out. Amazingly, Twilight had not gotten car sick, something Trixie was rather ticked off about. “Wait,” Twilight started, “Why not take us all the way to the hospital? It’s still a long ways from here, so won’t it just be easier to take us all the way?” Hot Rod, still in his vehicle mode, simply shrugged. “Optimus said only to the edge of the forest. I think it’s because the whole town would go crazy if a random car just went blazing through. I mean, do you guys even have cars here?” Twilight nodded her head in agreement. “Well, yes, but not that many. Actually, the last time I saw a locomotive of any kind that wasn’t powered by Pony Power alone was the Flim Flam Brother’s contraption. You make a good point.” With that said, Hot Rod made his way through the forest again, intent on making it back to the base. When the sports car left their sight, the group had started up once again, Rainbow once again riding on Deadpool’s back. “So why can’t I fly? I need to get some air in my system.” Rainbow asked. “Trixie believes it is because you were attacked by a manticore. We have no need for you to become even more damaged than you are now,” Trixie stated. Rainbow let out a bored sigh. During this time, Deadpool and Pinkie had started to sing a song to pass the time. “MAYYY-H-E-M! I’m gettin’ hired for some MAYYY-H-E-M!” The two sang. “You can blow up a boat! You can strangle a goat! You can jump go-carts over MOAAATS!” Twilight let out a chuckle at the duo’s comedic lyrics. “Oh wow, you guys are just so broken,” Twilight said with a smile. The walk back to town continued as such for quite a while, until they arrived back to Fluttershy’s cottage again. Everything seemed normal at first glance, until a scream filled the air. “No! Get away from me!” “Oh, I’m sorry, but-” “I said stay away!” The group quickly made their way towards the door, slamming it open. Inside the cottage stood a half naked human cowering in a corner, holding a spoon up defensively, while FLuttershy hovered a little away, apparently trying to calm down the man. Rorschach lay on the floor, unconscious. Deadpool rushed to the fallen hero. “Rorry! Nooooo!” Deadpool shouted as he held Rorschach. “Why, god, why?!” “What are you doing?” Rorschach said, slowly gaining consciousness, right before Deadpool knocked him out again with the butt of his sword. “What does it look like? I’m trying to win an Oscar!” Deadpool told the once again unconscious man. “What is going on here?!” Twilight screamed as she ran into the cottage. The man instantly screamed again. “Good god, not another one!” “Not only that, but I’m here too!” Deadpool said as he stepped in front of the lavender unicorn, extending a hand in friendship. “Nice to see you Banner, it’s been too long.” The man, deemed Banner, stared at Deadpool. A minute passed without anyone moving, everyone else still waiting by the door. The man look to Fluttershy and back to Deadpool before he got to his legs. And swiftly jumped into the hooves of Fluttershy. “Get me away from that maniac!” The man said. “Quickly, before he gets the Hulk to come back out!” “Liked him better,” a voice moaned. Rorschach picked himself off the ground, rubbing the back of his head. “Least HE doesn’t hit me while my back is turned,” Rorschach said as he pointed his finger at the man accusingly, and then to Deadpool. “And you! What the hell was that!” Deadpool shrugged. “What? I wanted an Oscar, and I’d have gotten one if not for that no good Colin Firth! I’ve never even seen ‘The King’s Speech’!” Rorschach reached for Deadpool’s neck, about to once again break the mercenary neck. It may not kill him, but it sure did have a satisfying feeling. “Whoa, anypony mind telling me who this guy is?” Rainbow asked, “and what happened to that big, green guy?” Banner fell from Fluttershy’s arms, who quickly apologized and said that she was only used to carrying two or three bunnies at a time. Banner’s glare said it all. “I AM the big, green guy,” Banner said once he picked himself up, dusting off the remnants of his pants. “Once the Hulk calms down, he becomes me, just as when I get extremely agitated or angry, I become - wait, why am I explaining this to a talking pony?! Deadpool!” Deadpool appeared next to the man, fixing his neck back into place. “Yes, you called?” “Deadpool,” Dr. Banner began, “would you mind telling me why we’re surrounded by a group of ponies and a masked man who seems like he should be taking on some crazy maniac in downtown New York?” “Well, Dr. B, long story short, you crashed the ship, not me of course, onto a planet full of talking ponies. Luckily you crashed into the cool one; one thousand miles to the right and we would be on the G3.5 Pony Planet. As for Rorry, well, you got me. But he sure is a fun guy to be around!” Deadpool explained as he reached his arm around Rorschach. “Don’t touch me,” Rorschach replied as he twisted Deadpool’s arm off. Trixie finally walked through the door, obviously waiting for an invitation to enter, and stood next to him. “What took you so long?” Rorschach asked. “Unlike the others of Trixie’s entourage, Trixie waits to be let in. The only reason Trixie walked in now is because Trixie needs screen time too, and because the blasted writer loves me.” “Hurm,” was all Rorschach said. Screen time? Writers? Ponies always seemed rather crazy to Rorschach, some of them going against physics. Like the pink one. Rorschach let out a shudder as he remembered the his first meeting with Pinkie. But it was only recently that everypony, no, everyONE started talking even crazier than usual. Need to be careful. Almost thought like them for a second there, Rorschach thought. What’s the matter with talking like the ponies? “Nothing, nothing bad at all,” Rorschach started, “Just think that I should stick to my original lingo - on no now I’m doing it.” “Doing what now Rory?” Pinkie asked, snapping Rorschach away from his thoughts only to see everyone staring at him. Rorschach thought quickly. He needed a response to show that, unlike everyONE, He wasn’t going crazy. He needed a quick phrase, nay, a monologue for what he thought was the best solution. He needed something that would finally show everyone that he wasn’t crazy, that he still thought like when he was on Earth. He needed something drastic. “Hurm.” Everyone slowly moved their attention away from Rorschach, moving the subject back onto Dr. Banner. “So Mr. Banner,” Twilight said, “from what I have been able to gather from Mr. Pool, you are quite a man of the mind, correct?” “If you mean a man of science, then yes. I one of Earth’s top scientists. I mainly on Gamma Radiation before... well, I think you’ve seen who was created.” “Oh, you mean TIH?” Pinkie asked as she bounced off a wall. Banner raised an eyebrow in confusion, to which Pinkie let out a laugh and a snort, which caused Deadpool to let out a laugh and a snort, which caused everyone else to raise an eyebrow in confusion. “What, you mean you guys really don’t get it? Huh, and here I thought I was the dumb one,” Deadpool stated. “Pinkie, care to state the obvious for our less smarter friends?” “Of course my killer companion,” Pinkie said with a british accent. “It refers to, my friends, The Incredible Hulk. Need I say anymore?” “Trixie thinks that the two crazy ones should wait outside for a while. All in favor?” Everyone raised their hands/hooves, even Pinkie and Deadpool. “Yay! We’re playing outside! Wolverine never let me outside before!” Deadpool squealed as he ran out with Pinkie on his heels. “Tag, you’re it!” She shouted right before the door slammed shut. “Ok, um, so what were you saying Mr Banner? I mean, if you want to tell us that is,” Fluttershy whispered. Banner nodded his head and sat down on a chair. “Sure, if you guys don’t mind hearing a long drawn out story that probably doesn’t make any sense.” “Trust us, once you’ve been around Pinkie Pie for as long as us, you get use to those types of stories,” Rainbow Dash laughed. “Ok then. Well, it all started when a distress signal was detected on Planet Sakaar, where the Hulk ruled as king...” Fools. They think a simple rope knot can stop me from gettin my bounty? It’ll take more than that to get rid of Boba Fett. They even left my helmet on, as if they couldnt make this any easier. All it’ll take is a twist of the wrist aaannnnd- gotcha! Ha, and Greedo said this wrist knife wouldn’t come in handy. Boba Fett slipped out of the ropes, rubbing where the ropes had been a bit too tight while he looked around the small wooden shed that he stuck into. The walls were covered in tools and what looked like food for several kinds of animals. Ignoring them, Boba moved towards the door, which was strangely left unlocked. Stepping out into the light, Boba scanned the area, seeing nothing that could block his escape. However, a carrot found it’s way hitting Boba’s helmet. With an annoyed grunt, Boba peered downward to see a rather ticked rabbit stomping his foot. A swift kick sent the little thing flying clear across the trees. Ok, that felt alot better than it should have, Boba thought. It’s as if I just did what so many others have wanted to do, and just me doing it allowed all of their combined hate to flow through me. A sudden crash and scream made Boba turn in surprise, seeing the cottage that the scream had come from. Walking low, he moved to a window and saw the pony that was with his bounties. Unfortunately, neither of them were with her. Instead, she was with the man who he first met on this planet; Rorschach, if his memory still worked with that kick to the head. And there was another person that he hadn’t seen. He was a small, thin man. He was without a shirt, and his purple pants were in horrible condition. Almost as if they were stretched out to fit a more larger person. Possibly a large, green, destructive creature that may have a large bounty on his head, Boba thought. Eh, nothing for me to worry about. Wait, what’s he doing with that pan! Rorschach, look out- oops, too late. Man, he’s going to feel that in the mourning. Loud clopping filled the air. Boba turned and saw the rest of the ponies moving quick towards the cottage. Running around the corner, Boba waited for them all to run into the place (something that the azure one seemed to not want to do) before leaving the area. He didn’t have to go far before running into the edge of a nearby forest. And then it hit him. Literally, hit him. It was carrot. Not this again. Boba turned to face the rabbit again, intent on sending it soaring through the sky at light speed, only to come face, well faces, with a large mob of animals. Boba scanned the group, counting several dozen large birds of prey, some bears, and dozens upon dozens of other rabbits. And at the front stood the white little pest, wearing a rather cocky smirk. “Clever girl,” Boba whispered, “but not clever enough!” Boba reached towards his waist where he had his EE-3 carbine rifle. But what he found, however, was empty space. Looking down, Boba realized that the ponies must’ve taken his only weapon. The animals took a threatening step towards Boba, who slumped over as he quickly thought up a plan. “Well, if you can’t beat ‘em, fly away from them!” He shouted as he quickly jumped into the air, hi arms moving to activate his jetpack... only to find that he was without it also. Boba landed onto the ground, the animals now snickering at him. “Well, now this is just awkward.” Needless to say, Boba ran as fast as he could. “I hate this planet!” He shouted as the animals chased him through the forest. Late chapter is late. I have no explanation, except that this is just how I roll. As soon as I start a story, I get the first two or three chapters done in no time... then I enter into a random hiatus for several weeks/months. The reason for this is that I never really think things through, and I get easily distracted. I blame youtube.