//------------------------------// // The Dark Horse Rises // Story: Just a Little Batty // by I Thought I Was Toast //------------------------------// “The bombs are in the bay.” Mom’s words bucked down the door to my room and sliced through my dreams of the world’s biggest mango-durian pie. Instantly, I was flailing to get my glasses and get out of bed before the air raid siren that was Dad went off. I was almost to the door when he burst through the wall in a manic frenzy—the bags under his eyes doing nothing to stop him from giggling like a schoolfilly—as he scooped me up and bolted towards the door where Mom waited with a strained smile. “Screeheeheeheehee!” Dad twirled me around him once as he ran through several more holes. “It’s time. It’s time! It’s time! Are you ready to be a sister, Night?! For nigh is the second coming!” “I’m gonna be a sister!~ I’m gonna be a sister!~” I might have been awake in record time, but my head was still stuck in the dreamlands with the giant dura-mango. Even as I laughed with Dad, I had the strangest feeling I was forgetting something. “Tempered….” Mom set a hoof on his withers as Dad got to the door and bucked it down like he had the rest of the house. “You hear that, world?!” Dad roared into the white-grey of pre-dawn. “The pups are on the way!” “Honey.” Mom tempered her voice, and my own giggles died down as she shook an oblivious Dad. “Hrmm?” Dad finally turned to nuzzle Mom like his life depended on it. “Say whatever you desire and it is yours, oh sweet glory of my life, the morning star that blinds me so. Your knight in midnight armor is here.” “Yes, I know you are, and I love you for that.” Mom pecked Dad on the cheek. “But you need to stop embarrassing yourself. If you’re even half this bad when the foals get here, we’re gonna have a few more weeks of winter.” “Wait…. You mean the launch bay isn’t open?” Dad blinked several times, rubbing at his eyes as a massive yawn overtook him. “But puppers?” “It’s still a little early for that, Tempered.” Mom rolled her eyes and smirked. “Did your training with Night derail you so hard that you forgot that we agreed to start running drills?” Dad bit his lip, looking at several of the new doors in the house before turning back to Mom with a smile. “Oops?” “Oh, this is a bit worse than an oops.” Mom went for the lips this time. “You’re lucky you’re so cute, you lunk.” Wobbling over, Mom leaned down to squint at me. “Although that doesn’t excuse you two staying out so late last night. Honestly, Night, you don’t look like you’re in any shape for the test today.” “Test?” Test. Test, test, test, test…. What was— “Oh, hay no!” I backpedaled a few steps before turning to stampede for my room. “I’m not gonna be late, am I?” The clock sat there, silently, judging me. “No, no, no, no, no!” I made another door next to Dad’s new entrance as I bolted back to the front door. “No time to eat or shower! Love you both! Gotta go! Bye!” After giving each of them a hug, I threw myself out the door. “Scree!” With a shriek, I nose-dived into Ponyville. The wind sunk its fangs into my wings as I zipped and zooped through the streets, trying to tear them off me like I was some delicate little butterfly. “Hah!” My wing clipped a lamppost as I swerved around the corner. “You think you can stop me?! I’ve eaten maggots with more bite than you!” “Heya, half-pint, you mind keeping it down a bit? You don’t have to howl to the moon this early.” “Scree!” I almost took a bite out of Rainbow Dash as she whizzed up to my side—easily coasting along with me once there. “Hey! No tasting the rainbow!” Rainbow laughed as she looped around me. “Seriously, what’s the rush?” “Sorry! Didn’t mean to! Can’t afford to be late!” I left full sentences behind as I pumped my wings harder and harder. “So my two new wingponies really are coming in for an early landing, then?” Dash grinned as I took another turn for the final stretch to the castle where the Canterlot airship was already docked. “Nope! Dad was just—” I swerved wildly as Scoots burst from a side alley with Rumble gripping to her back for dear life. “Dad was just being a goof!” I looked at the scooter besides us now. “Oh, sweet Nightmother, guide me. I have to be late if you two are almost beating me.” “Hey!” Scoots spared a glance my way as Rainbow snickered. “I set my alarm early today!” “Not early enough, though.” Rumble chuckled. “Not funny!” Both Scoots and I thwapped him as hard as we could while barrelling down the road at top speed. “Uh, wait? Is this about that junior guard test thing Twilight was going on about?” Rainbow waved a hoof. “Don’t worry! You’re fine! Combat is the last thing on the list.” “That’s not the problem!” Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Stupid wings! I didn’t even use you when I was climbing the mountain! Why were you cramping now?! “We’re gonna be late, and Sergeant Smiles is gonna get mad, and you never want Sergeant Smiles mad at you.” “So many wing ups.” Scoots shivered. “You guys want a lift, then?” Rainbow looked from the airship to us. “I can totally get you there in ten seconds flat. “Yes! Please! Anything to stop us from being late!” I almost crashed us both as I latched onto her hooves. “Ack!” Rainbow squawked. “Geeze, half-pint, settle down. It’s not like they’ll send you to magic kindergarten if you’re not there on time.” “But she’s done that to cadets who were older than us!” “Say what?” Rainbow blinked. “You need to seriously chill. I was joking.” “Just get us there and she’ll calm down.” Scoots sighed, falling back to bite down on Rainbow’s tail. “At least, I think she will. Sometimes she’s worse than Twilight.” “Like I could ever be as good as a prin—” The rest of my bad dad words were drowned out by the sonic boom pulling us into the castle before a single second had passed. Through the halls, up the stairs—Scootaloo’s scooter bouncing all the way—three screaming fillies and a steely-eyed missile mare streaked for the docking bay. “Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee—” There was a flash as Princess Twilight teleported before us only to dive to the side as we hurtled by; the unlucky guard that tried to tackle her to safety sacrificed himself beneath Scoots wheels for nothing. “—eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” Sweet Luna, it felt like forever, even if it was only seconds. “Smell ya later, squirt!” Rainbow dropped us off and zooped off with a laugh. “I gotta a lot of napping to do if I wanna catch you kicking flank later!” I was left with my head spinning as I stumbled over four left hooves, barely able to squeak out a goodbye. “Aww, yeah!” I could feel Scoots jumping up and down as she waved. “Just you watch! I’m gonna be the best one in the ring!” “Except for Night and me.” The insubordination was strong to my right. “Now keep Night steady while I find her glasses.” Oh…. That explained why everything was so white…. The sun was probably just peaking out on the other side of town. I shook my head, almost flopping to the side as the world slowly realigned. Closing my eyes, I let out a few clicks to get a feel for the dock, and I crawled towards what was either my glasses or a pair of aviator goggles somepony had discarded. “Nopony will be getting in the ring if Sergeant Smiles gives us the boot.” I grumbled as I poked about and clicked every few seconds for another view. “I can’t believe Rainbow took us to the docks. We would have made it on time if she’d taken us to the training room!” “Hey! Cut her some slack!” Scoots huffed. “She got us here ahead of time, didn’t she? As far as I’m concerned, we’re early now. If the sergeant has a problem with that, then she can—” “—bake you into a chicken pot pie and feed you to your platoon commander like the mince meat you are!” I jumped. Scoots squawked. Rumble stomped out a salute just like I’d drilled into him. And then there was a crack as his hoof came down. “Ooops….” “Tell me you didn’t step on my glasses.” It took every inch of willpower to only growl at him. “Ummm… what if I tell you I ground them into dust instead?” “Oh, I am so going to—” “Attention!” A gravelly voice erupted from by the airship, and I burst into motion on instinct. “Feldmarschall approaching!” Oh horseapples…. A field marshal? We weren’t ready for a field marshal! “Fall in and line up, cadets!” My squeak hitched a little as I kept clicking away like mad, grabbing Scoots and Rumble as I flew past and tossing them into the fuzzy mish mash of movement that was everypony else scrambling to get where they needed. Because of course they weren’t already in line like they should be. Shoving everypony in place with just a little more force than necessary, I bolted back to the front lines and snapped a salute. My aching everything just cried to go back to bed at this point, and I couldn’t stop a tremor or two from shaking my entire body even as three more ponies stepped onto the gangplank. “Presenting, Feldmarschall Fledermaus!” Something in my brain broke as the guard from before and one of the new ponies flanked the other two. “As well as his guest, the esteemed Lady Selene.” Who? “Now, Rank.” The Feldmarschall Fledermaus gave a wheezy chuckle that held just a hint of its former thunder. “Ah told ya that you could call me Flittermouse.” “Forgive me, sir, but I’m Center File, sir. Front Rank is to your left.” “Eh?” Lord Flittermouse looked back and forth. “Ah coulda sworn…” He snorted. “Young folks these days, I guess. Lookee here, son. Ah was born in the boons and ah’m proud of it! Ain’t no confangled, fancy new title from the Queen o’Loons is gonna change that.” “Sir, you’ve been a field marshal for over thirty years. Your position is by no means new, and Princess Luna was not the one who promoted you to—” “Po-ta-to, po-tah-to!” Lord Flittermouse waved a hoof. “Ah’ve been telling you city slickers for years you need to loosen up! Ya didn’t give me the dark of night before ol’ black snootie came back, did ya?” “Feldmarschall Fledermaus, please.” Both guards were fidgeting at this point. “We have a schedule to keep to.” While the rest of the platoon snickered, I was internally squeeing like a fanfilly. I barely remembered to bark at them for talking out of turn because I was too busy trying to click a good picture of the legendary warrior that was gracing us with his humble presence. “Let it rest, Flitter.” Lady Selene giggled as she looked between her companion and his prey. “Trust me, there’s just no reasoning with some of them.” My ear flicked at the sound of her laugh. Starlight… and… silver bells? “Princess Luna?” I would have blinked if my eyes hadn’t been so tightly screwed shut. The giggling increased tenfold as the two guards immediately winced. “And see! Ah told you foals that disguising her was a waste of time!” Lord Flittermouse cuffed both the guards in the back of the head. “At least ya can act better than sunny flanks!” “You also bet I would last at least five minutes.” There was the hum of powerful magic and then my ears flattened for a moment from the feedback of Princess Luna’s transformation. I made an indentation in my skull as I saluted twice as hard, though, and the rest of the platoon thankfully followed suit. “Ah did indeed, Princess.” There was the jangle of a few bits being exchanged. “Go and buy yourself something sweet with that.” “All in good time, Flitter.” I could hear the grin in Princess Luna’s voice as she trotted down plank. “We’ve yet to breach the gates.” Her hoofsteps put her closer and closer to my broken glasses, and when she stopped right on top of them it took everything I had not to squirm. I could hear the scrapping of plastic on crystal as she picked up the pieces from the ground, just one of the many ways I’d already failed her today. When she sighed, it was like a buck to the chest, and only the presence of Sergeant Smiles and Field Marshal Flittermouse kept me from collapsing at the sound. “Oh, my little Nightingale….” There was the hum of a spell and she started walking towards us again. As she stopped before me, I couldn’t help the shiver that went down my spine, or the twitch of  my wings as I imagined the face she no doubt wore. “You really must be more careful….” There was suddenly the familiar weight of glasses on my face once more, and I blinked to find The Night Eternum smiling at me; my face burned with the intensity of a thousand moons. “This the little pup you told me about?” Wrinkled, wirey, and very, very hairy, Flittermouse’s arched brow gave Apple Bloom’s sister a run for her money as I finally laid eyes on him. He was a far cry from the barrel chested behemoth all the books always painted him as. “You’re the Feldmarschall Fledermaus?” I squeaked as his gaze went from sparkling merrily to eyeing me like a hungry lion. “Screep!” “And what if Ah am, ya little whippersnapper?” “I… umm… I…” Even as I kept myself locked in my salute, I cast my gaze to Princess Luna and Sergeant Smiles for help; one was hiding her smile behind her hoof, while the other just stood silently at attention with this itty-bitty frown. “I thought you’d be bigger?” Must. Not. Bite. Lip. “Well, Ah ain’t.” He frowned. “Not anymore. Make assumptions like that in the field and you’ll end up dead faster than you can say you’re lebensmüde.” His tail flicked so fast it whip cracked. “Rank and File! Fall in and move out!” In an instant, the accent was gone as he walked down the plank with perfect poise and a stoney facade that would make a cragodile look cute. He took his good, sweet time reaching us, everypony else sweating bullets instead of snickering like they had been. My wings started to itch; they wanted air so badly, but I didn’t dare to move while he cast his hungry gaze among us. The urge to yell at the others to stop twitching was strong, but I knew it would only single me out from the herd. “I must say I am disappointed, Smiles. This is far below your usual work.” “Sorry, sir. I have no excuse, sir.” There was the curtest of nods. “It’s much tougher to break foals than fresh cadets when I can’t use my usual methods.” “I didn’t say it was your fault, Sergeant.” He waved a hoof towards her as he scrutinized us. “But I have to say I expected more after all the glowing recommendations you sent us about your newest bunch of recruits—” The gaze of death itself briefly turned on me. “—and their ‘natural’ platoon commander.” W-what? My eyes trailed over to Sergeant Smiles, but she kept staring straight ahead. “You there! You’re posture is off! You can’t just lean on one hoof like a slacker!” He pointed at Rumble. “And you look like a weichei with how much you’re shying away!” Sweetie Belle. “You three look like rabble rousers and thugs with how much you’re giving me the evil eye.” Diamond, Bloom, and Scoots. “And I know your uncle enough to know he taught you better!” Silver Spoon. One by one, he shredded into everypony else but me. One by one, I felt all their failures piling on my back. Was I the only one who was going to pass? I should have… I should have spent last week training everypony! I didn’t need to climb that stupid mountain! “And you… the prodigal platoon commander…” As his gaze fell upon me, I couldn’t keep back my sniffles anymore. “Your posture might be better than more than half of the soldiers under me, but I think we both know why you failed all the same.” “Look alive, cadets, because every single one of you is failing your first test right now!” He stomped a hoof. “Think long and hard on just what a lack of proper diligence cost you today. Am I an old coot? Yes! But I am an old coot who is fully capable of taking on most of the guards you all aspire to be! The only one of you who bothered to keep themselves at attention the whole time was your bloody platoon commander! Do you know what that tells me, cadets?” He glared at us in the ensuing silence. “It tells me that your leader has failed to do her job! She had a weeks warning to whip you all into shape, and she spent it working herself to bloody death instead of training you!” As the tears started flowing freely, I finally slumped under the weight of everything. “Now drop and give me twenty-hundred, maggot.” Flittermouse growled from over me. “One hundred for everypony you failed.” “Hey! Leave her alone you big jerk!” In an instant, my friends were by my side—all of them, the whole platoon. They all broke rank for me. “Can’t you see you’re making her—” “Guys, stop…. He’s right….” My whispers cut off their cries of outrage faster than the field marshal had caused them. “But— But— But, Night!” Diamond set a hoof on my withers, but I shrugged it off to fall into position and start my wing ups. “One. Two. Three. Four….” As I worked, all my friends stared in silence. They didn’t get it like I did. I could see it in their eyes as I forced myself to get going. “Five. Six. Seven. Eight….” I could already feel the burn starting to sink in after yesterday’s trip through Tartarus. “Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve….” There was a whimper from one of the girls—I couldn’t see who with the sweat starting to sting my eyes. It was pathetic, really. I might not even hit fifty. “Thirteen…. Fourteen…. F-fifteen—” I collapsed for a minute or so, too tired to keep going. Before Flittermouse could finish opening his mouth to order me to start back up, I flailed and pushed again. “Fifteen….” That was all I could do before I collapsed once more. “You know that’s not how real soldiers do it.” Flittermouse’s steely gaze was like a spear to the heart. “One….” I whimpered, falling back onto the ground. “One….” Again. “One….” And again. “I can’t….” I curled up into a ball. There was an angry, insubordinate nicker as Rumble dropped on to his wings. “One. Two. Three. Four….” And Diamond followed him. “One. Two. Three. Four….” As did the girls. “One. Two. Three. Four….” And Silver. “One. Two. Three. Four….” Everypony in the platoon hit the floor to do push ups—the whole platoon but me counting off as they rose and fell. As one they worked to one hundred each, Rumble getting everypony in synch as he sounded off. And when they finished? “There we go….” The accent was back. “Well done, youngin’s! Such fire! Such loyalty! Ah think ya all just went and passed your first test with flying colors!” Wait…. What? I had just gotten up to topple back to the ground in confusion. “That is the first dang time I’ve ever seen everypony drop in years, Smiles. Good on ya!” “I do my best, sir, but they wouldn’t be near this good without Dark Horse here.” Son of a sun witch! Dad never told me that they did tests like this in the Junior Guard! Flittermouse was smiling at us, the loon under moon. “Ahhh, they’re always so precious the first time ah strike the fear of the sun witch in ‘em…. How was your first real taste of being in the guard, youngin’s? Ah’m not scaring too many of you away, am ah?” “Does it smell like you did?” I muttered into the dirt. “Does it smell like you did?” Sergeant Smiles echoed me with a smirk and a smart salute. “Dad told me a story like this….” I groaned from the ground. “You planned this! You planned this, and I didn’t see it coming!” “You bet your bridle we planned this, Dark Horse.” Sergeant Smiles snorted. “Your platoon already aced all the usual tests two months ago with how much you’ve been pushing them.” “Then why the—” Rank and File flinched from a thestral word so colorful that reading it in Dad’s catalog of curses gave me a headache. “—did you just put us all through Tartarus and back!” I gave a squeaky snort as I stomped my hooves and flared my wings to shield the ponies at my back; I didn’t catch Sergeant Smiles smirk until it was too late. “We’re just a bunch of foals!” “Yes, you are.” From where she’d been quietly observing, Princess Luna sighed. I… I walked into that one didn’t I? “There it finally is.” Flittermouse nodded towards me as I bit my lip. “Ya can see the problem now, can’t ya?” “You were worried I was pushing the others too hard….” I sunk to the ground. “That’s putting it lightly, Dark Horse.” Sergeant Smiles cackled. “Your merry little band of misfits has a performance record to rival most third years by this point. I tried to warn you last week that you didn’t need to work yourself to death, but did you listen? No… you couldn’t hear me from atop that bloody mountain.” I looked away. “Even the best guards have their limits… I learned that lesson from dad yesterday!” “Oh, I’m well aware of that, Dark Horse.” Smiles smiled her signature horseapple-eating grin. “A little batty came and told me that last night before carting you off to your bed. I also know that you were the only one in the platoon pushing themselves like that—” She glowered at Flittermouse. “—which I repeatedly told all those big wigs in brass when they started freaking out. Ponyville ponies are just that crazy; they spawn heroes faster than the nexus.” “Ah can see that, Sergeant.” Flittermouse shook his head. “If ah had known just how batty they were, Ah wouldn’ta held back when Bitter Bite took me to the ring over this.” He spat to the side. “Bloody loon needs to learn to let that grudge of his go.” He smiled at us. “Ah mean, just look at the little tykes—all full of solfire and plasma. It’s rare to see such fierceness in youngins these days. Woulda been a crime if Ah’d scared them off.” Leaning down to me, he held out his hoof. “Ah do hope ya can forgive me for all this, Platoon Commander. How about ah give ya some special training tips over lunch? Ah gotta a couple ways ya can push yourself more without breaking every bone in your body.” “Well…” I looked down. “Ah promise that they ain’t too heavy for foals.” Flittermouse grinned, pulling a sash from his uniform. “Ya ever hear of the Way o’the Bat?” “No way….” The sash called to me as I reverently reached a hoof out to touch it. “Dad told me it was a myth!” “Your dad—” Princess Luna giggled. “—is well on his way to becoming a Grandmaster.” “But— But— But—” Betrayal! “Ya put this on and work your way through the rest of the day, whippersnapper, and Ah’ll talk to your dad about letting ya study under him. That sound like a better goal for ya to work towards?” “Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!” I was bouncing on moonshine as I snatched the blindfold from Flittermouse and replaced my glasses with a world of darkness. With a few clicks, I quickly reoriented myself and fired off a salute. “I won’t let you down, sir!” “Easy now, youngin.” The field marshal chuckled. “We got a few hours of rest and a nice hearty lunch before ya need to be calling me that. Just call me Flittermouse.” “Screeheeheeheehee!” He wants me to call him by name! “Sergeant.” He respectfully saluted Smiles. “Mah stomach demands that ya take us to the chow hall!” “Roger, sir!” With a crisp snap of her salute, she turned to open the doors for us. “Fall in and move out, cadets!” I stomped a hoof and everypony quickly fell in rank behind me. Marching to the mess hall never felt so good! We passed! We passed! And there was still so much more to do! We could run drills, and we could do the obstacle course, and we could spar… all of it without needing to take the Luna-forsaken test! Today was gonna be awesome! “Atten-tion!” By the power of lunch and friendship, my squeak had everypony rigid and ready in less than half a second. “To the front, salute!” Everypony’s breathing was measured and calmed as Sergeant Smiles and I had taught. As I stomped my hoof and saluted, I could hear the synchronized woosh of everypony puffing out their chests, and my own puffed a little more at the sound. As I counted to ten in my head, I managed to keep an ear on them with my clicks. Everypony was in position; Princess Luna and Feldmarschall Flittermouse were directly in front of us—observing us from the castle gates. The audience with everypony else was somewhere off to the left. At least, I think it was…. I wasn’t sure what else that mess of feedback could be. “About face!” I hit the count of ten and bellowed once more, everypony a little less in synch that time. “Forward, march!” One-two. Three-four. One-two. Three-four. Our hooves thundered in time with each other as we made our way to the front of the courtyard. “Halt!” A few of the guys stumbled in the back, almost crashing into the rest of us, and I had to take a deep breath to shove the butterflies back down. This wasn’t a test anymore…. It was just for fun…. We were showing everypony what we learned…. What we learned… Maybe… I could test the troops a little? “Wheel, right!” I grinned impishly as a few foals turned left automatically like every other practice we ran. “Screehee! I said right, guys! Come on, now! It’s just like a game of Sun Witch Says!” There was some scattered laughter from the audience, although I could hear Smiles snort from wherever she was watching. A couple giggles from the rest of my friends had the leftees scramble to turn right, and— “About face!” Sergeant Smiles hollered from somewhere above us. I acted on instinct, doing a one-eighty and waiting a second or two for more orders. Everypony else was not so lucky. Somepony from before just completely tripped themselves up, and there was a series of cries as the rest of the squad fell like dominos. “Oi! Get yer bum outta my face, Rumble!” I couldn’t help laughing as Pip’s voice told me the two of them were stuck at ground zero in the pony pile. “Enough lollygagging; back to it, cadets! Atten-tion!” Everypony responded much quicker as Sergeant Smiles barked again. “And if I were you, I’d listen to platoon commander Nightingale this time!” “Sorry, guys, I couldn’t resist.” Rubbing the back of my head, my smile faded a little as I poked at the ground. “At least you’re having fun with it….” Scoots grumbled with several murmured agreements from the others. “But if Rainbow saw that, you’re going to get clobbered in the ring later.” “You can try!” I puffed out my chest. “Now, forward, march!” “Halt! Right wheel! Present spears!” Pulling in front of the castle one last time, I had everypony twirl their toy spears in an extra dramatic salute. “At ease, everypony. At ease.” Princess Luna and Feldmarschall Flittermouse chuckled before us. “That was a wonderful display of your comradery.” She nodded. “Especially from you, Nightingale.” “Screeheeheeheehee!” Even though I could hear her sly princess-y smirk, I danced on tippy-hooves. “Yer parents are all waitin’ for ya on the bleachers.” Flittermouse gestured behind us. “Go and take a break ya wee rascals. Ya earned it.” “Mom, Dad! Did you see me?! Did ya? Did ya? Did ya?!” I sprinted off into the thick cloud of chaos that was the stands, clicking madly. Ponies were everywhere, smiling, laughing, talking. It was all I could do not to run into folks there was so much— “Screep!” I squeaked as I tripped over something—I couldn’t even tell what in the din. “You okay there, champ?” There was a chuckle as Dad instantly swooped in from wherever he’d been hiding to help me up. “I would have been down sooner, but I was talking to your moth—” “Don’t you run from me, you lunkhead!” Mom gasped as she landed beside Dad with a solid thunk, briefly turning to me to peck me on the cheek. “I’m not done with you yet!” Woah… Mom was huge right now. How’d I miss her and Dad in the stands when she stood out like a bloated, hungry sun with every click. “Ixnay on the ellingyay, dear.” Dad looked from side to side. “I already told you I had nothing to do with her blindfold.” “Umm….” I squirmed uncomfortably, taking a peek from beneath the blindfold to risk the hungry, hungry sun. Was I not supposed to accept it? “Well who was it then?” Mom was fuming more than Princess Celestia that time I ate her aracha. “It’s a secret.” Dad looked away. “I swear if this was another one of Mercy’s insane gift ideas….” “It wasn’t Mercy, dear.” “Tempered, honey, I love you more than life itself, but if you don’t tell me who started her initiation before I count to three, then you’ll be sleeping on the couch for a year.” “But I—“ “Two years! You know as well as I do that your little secret organization isn’t nearly as secret as you like to pretend. One!” No, no, no, no, no! Dad didn’t deserve the couch for something I did! I ran in front of Dad. “It was—” “Ah do believe ah said you could tell your wife what ah did, Tempered.” “So it was you!” Oh, horseapples…. The last time Mom had that look on her face we had ended up in the Undercity stockades. “Morning, no!” “Mom, no!” “Let me go, you loons! I can take him!” Mom was threatening to roll right over us she was so insistent. “I call for Schattenkrieg, you filthy son of a wombat!” “Mom, stop!” My neck burned with fire. “You can’t call a decorated war hero that!” “Why, sure she can!” Flittermouse laughed. “Ah deserve it after what ah put you through earlier.” She squinted at me for a moment before glaring at Flittermouse again. “Now explain the blindfold. I told Tempered I didn’t want her to join the Way until she was a full-fledged adult, no ifs, ands, or buts.” “Awwwwwww…. But why?” I loaded my double barrel slingshot with 200mm bullets, firing pure, grade A, weaponized sadness from my eyes. “Ah am a mite curious about that myself.” Flittermouse frowned. “Ah think it would be good for her to have somethin’ to strive for.” “She already works herself to death for the Junior Guard.” Mom scowled. “Aye, she does.” Flittermouse gave a toothy grin. “And if she’s anything like me, it’s because it ain’t quite what she needs. Ah think we can both agree the Junior Guard is supposed to be fun for the foals at the end of the day—” Mom huffed but didn’t disagree. “—but some whippersnappers aren’t always looking for fun.” “I like fun, sir….” I squirmed at Mom’s hooves. He nodded towards me. “Ahhhh, but how much do ya love training yerself more? How much does the taste of discipline and order make ya want to sing a shanty as ya lead your troops to the ends of Equestria and beyond? Is the Junior Guard really enough for you?” “I like training a lot, sir….” I mumbled, looking down as I avoided answering the whole question. Flittermouse snorted. “Still haven’t learned to dodge properly, soldier.” I let out a squeaky whine, and Mom quickly wrapped me in her hooves. Nuzzling deep into her chest, I barely managed to whisper. “Sometimes I want more…” Blasphemy! “There. Ya see that, Morning?” Flittermouse smiled. “Knew what Ah was dealing with the moment Ah read Smiles’ report. Honestly, she reminds me o’ me at that age.” Me? Like a decorated war hero? My neck heated to a thousand degrees. “She needs more than just the Junior Guard can give her or she’ll go batty trying to make more of it herself.” He sighed. “If you’re that worried, then Ah’m sure ya can can set a few ground rules with Tempered for her training. Just give her something more to work for. Do that, and she’ll only worry about having fun with the rest of her friends in the Junior Guard.” Mom was silent for several moments as she continued to scowl at Flittermouse. “Morning, I—” Dad stepped forward. “We’ll talk about it later when I can think straight.” Mom grunted, clutching her side as the twins tried to hug me too. “For now, let’s just see if we can get to the training room before Night misses the best part of her first inspection.” “Are the twins acting up again?” Dad rested a hoof on her side. “Yes.” Mom pecked Dad on the cheek. “And before you ask, no, I don’t need a doctor—not yet. They might be bucking me about like I’m their foal’s first punching bag, but I’ve taken worse from you, you lunkhead. Another hour or two won’t kill me.” “If you say so, dear….” Dad gave Mom a few advanced nuzzles that made me squeak and look away. “I love you.” “I love you too—both of you.” Mom sighed, pulling us both closer with her wings. “Now march or we’ll miss out on all the fun.” Leaning down to rest his head on Mom’s stomach, Dad growled softly before wrapping his wing around Mom to help her off the stands. “Behave yourselves, you two. You hear?” Mom winced as the twins kicked in reply. Flittermouse was already long gone as we finally made our way to the sparing area. The door to Training Room A stood open, and there was already audible gasps and groans leaking into the hallways. As I stepped inside, our little colony finding its way to the audience, I turned to see a work of art. “Heeya!” Diamond lifted poor, little Pipsqueak into the air, flipping him over her back and pile driving him into the sand behind her. “Woah….” I blinked, unused to seeing Diamond so… “Woah indeed.” Dad chuckled as he gave me a nudge and a wink. “She could still use a bit more training, though. Maybe you ought to give her some private hooves-on tutoring?” Huh? “You might want to think about it if your mother won’t let you in The Way.” Oh…. Oh! He was being serious. For a second, I thought he was suggesting— I shook my head to clear it of stupid, icky thoughts. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea….” “Aww, come on, champ! You’d be a great teacher!” Dad grinned. “What do you think, Morning?” “I think we agreed to wait on talking about this until later.” Mom sighed, slumping against Dad a little more. “Thank you for trying to think of other options, though. You think we’re too late for Night to get her turn?” “I don’t see my name on the bracket board!” I had to hop on my frogs to get a good view of the tournament listing in the back. “I’ll go talk to Smiles.” With a peck on Mom’s cheek, Dad lumbered back to his hooves and edged along the bleachers towards the VIP section where Princess Twilight and Princess Luna were. I took up Dad’s slack as he left, quickly moving next to Mom to keep her upright. “You didn’t push yourself too much, did you?” I snuggled up under her wing as Scoots now wrestled Silver Spoon in the ring. “Excuse me, young lady?” Mom snorted. “Who’s asking who if they overworked themselves?” “Sorry….” My ears wilted. “Don’t be.” Mom chuckled, pulling me closer. “Now you know what it feels—” Scootaloo gave a raspy squawk as Silver got ahold of her wing. Both Mom and I winced as a few feathers came loose, but we winced even more when Scoots turned to bite Silver in retaliation. “—like.” As the match ended with Silver letting loose and tossing Scoots out of the ring, Mom leaned down to nuzzle me. “Try to keep today in mind the next time you want to climb a mountain without any help.” “You say that like I didn’t learn my lesson.” I pouted. “Oh, I’m sure you did.” Mom pulled back for a moment to smile at me. “But you are your father’s daughter at heart; it’s only a matter of time until you forget everything in the heat of the moment.” “You know you love us for it, though.” Dad rumbled as he squeezed back in with a bag clutched in his fangs. “If I didn’t do go batty now and then, we never would have gotten married. Hay, Night wouldn’t even be here right now if I hadn’t—” “I don’t think Night needs to hear about the time we went to Wurstfest right now…” Mom’s entire body burned a deep, new moon black. “…where everypony can hear you.” “Not my fault you didn’t take my invitation literally.” Dad grinned as he set down the bag. “Tempered….” “Alright, alright.” He turned to look at me. “Sergeant Smiles said not to worry, sport. You’ll get your turn.” He opened the bag and hefted me my sabatons. “She said you’d want these, though.” “I will?” I poked the claws lining the edges to see if they needed a blunting enchantment or not. “I’m not facing Sergeant Smiles, am I?” “Eeenope. That was my first question.” Dad shook his head. “All she’d say was that the dark horse always sweeps the competition away last second.” “That sounds like a sun witch saying.” I pouted. “Well, I mean, she was Solar Guard.” Dad rustled his wings, tilting his head to the side and humming with a smirk. “You know how they are.” “Yes, we do.” Mom squinted at him. “Care to rephrase that, dear?” “Mares are mysterious creatures.” Dad stuck his tongue out. “Be glad you have a few good years left, Ni— Ow!” I giggled, hugging Mom for a few more moments before pulling away with one last squeeze to sabadon my hooves. Apple Bloom had Rumble in a headlock in the ring, and that meant the semifinals were almost up. After Silver and Bloom had a go at it, I’d be up, so it was best to start limbering up now. “And lo! What a wonderful series of matches this has been!” As Rumble finally tapped out after five whole minutes of fruitlessly struggling, Princess Luna’s royal presence thundered through the room. “You have a most entertaining platoon here, my Ponyville friends!” The crowd’s stomping applause could barely compare to her, but they were definitely trying. “Still! Something has been… lacking in these festivities! A duel is just that, a duel! It is a one on one confrontation! Ponyville has long been known for friendship, so let us see just how far your foals’ comradery runs!” Luna smiled at me, and her grin could make the sun fear for its light. “Come hither, young Nightingale, and lead the strongest in your platoon against my chosen champion this day!” Dad gave an audible gulp from beside me as his face scrunched worse than the time he tried to make Grandma’s three cricket chili. I looked up at him and squeaked—not sure if he was better than the alternative of Flittermouse—while Mom just sighed and shook her head. “You didn’t realize what you were signing up for, did you….” “Eeenope.” “Remember what I said about forgetting things in the heat of the moment?” Mom gave me a tired smile before she nudged Dad forward. “Go on then, you lunk. Give those fillies anything more than a hairline fracture, though, and I’ll put you in a full body cast so thick that Captain Spitfire will use photos of you in all her motivational safety talks.” “Nightmother, why do you forsake me?” I swallowed as Dad made his way to the arena, and I had no choice but to follow or leave Silver and Bloom to their fate.The two of them looked back as Dad’s shadowed loomed over them—the only sign of their surprise the extra arching of their brows. “Oh, now that just ain’t fair.” Apple Bloom tilted her head back, sizing up our mark as only a true crusader could. “Life isn’t fair.” Silver adjusted her glasses. “If it was, I wouldn’t have been born with a silver spoon in my mouth.” “Girls.” I interjected myself before they could really get going, leading by example with more stretches to make myself limber. “Not. Now.” “How the hay are we gonna beat your dad, though? He’s pretty much bigger than all three of us combined!” Apple Bloom spread her hooves out. “I’m sure our fearless leader knows best.” Rolling her eyes, Silver joined me in stretching. “One does not simply walk into the ring and defeat Dad.” I solemnly intoned. “You’ve never seen him when he’s serious.” “Well, there’s gotta be something we can do!” “It depends on the rules of engagement.” I took a deep breath. “Princess Luna has got to have something up her hooves to make this fair.” I glanced at my sabatons. “Well, something more than these.” “Are you ready, young Nightingale?” There was enough mischief for a mob of imps sparkling in Princess Luna’s eyes. “Always, my Princess!” I snapped a salute. “Very well, then.” She cleared her throat. “Citizens of Ponyville, the time has arrived! Behold, my champion!” She gestured grandly to Dad, who waved sheepishly as the whispers around us grew bigger. “The rules are simple!” Princess Luna flared her wings as she bellowed out to the crowd. “If Captain Tempered Mettle restrains any of the platoon for more than five seconds, that soldier is out! If all three platoon mates are taken out, they lose! If any one of the platoon can survive for ten whole minutes they win! And if the platoon manages to down their opponent?” She smirked. “Then they will not only win, but they will each also receive either a boon of ten thousand bits from my own personal coffer, or a full paid scholarship to The Royal Sisters Military Academy when they come of age!” The announcement of the prize brought an uproar from the audience so loud it rattled my teeth. Both Dad’s and mine ears splayed back at the noise, while Princess Luna just grinned like a loon under moon and waited for them all to settle down. “On my mark, then! Three!” “Arrowhead formation, now!” I fell back a little so there was a bit of distance between me and dad, my squadmates scrambling to follow. “Two!” “The only way this is going to work, girls, is if we stay on the defensive. Forget the prize.” The amazing, awesome, incredible prize…. “One!” “Stay in formation and we can do this. When he grabs one of us, the other two need to immediately converge on him to get them away, got it?” “Got it!” By the Nightmother, I wish they’d finally learn they don’t need to salute me…. This really wasn’t the time. “Begin!” Luna shot a flare of magic into the air, stepping out of the ring to personally watch the battle unfold. Dad and I instantly tensed, stalking each other in circles. Hunter and prey. Monster and herd. His eyes searched for a weak spot in our formation as I led them around the ring. “Today going to be the day, sport?” He flashed his fangs in a grin. “You know it doesn’t count if it’s not one on one.” My wings twitched as he feinted to the left for a moment. “Well if that’s how you feel, why don’t we just even it out?” He charged straight for me, and I leapt to the side with a flap of my wings. Neither Bloom nor Silver were as fast, though; Dad tackled them, putting them each in a separate headlock as he used his wings to keep his balance. “Girls!” I rushed right back in to help, but I’d pushed too hard with my wings. Stupid. Stupid! Stupid! I was working with earth ponies! I couldn’t use my wings like that! “Ahhhhh! Get him off!” Bloom managed to kick him in the cannon hard enough to drop her before she turned to give a full force buck to free Silver. Dad dropped Silver to back off before the second hit could land, though, and leapt back with a flap. “Whatever happened to staying in formation?” Silver grumbled as she rubbed her neck. “Sorry!” Even as I winced, I kept one eye open just for Dad. “Won’t happen again! I pro— Hard left roll, now!” Without looking back, I tucked myself in and leapt, rolling to my feet to find Dad swiping at where we’d just been. The girls were safe behind me, though—my order carried flawlessly through. And so we resumed stalking each other once more—the crowd’s roars returning to baited breath. “We ain’t gonna be able to run forever, Night.” Apple Bloom rolled her shoulders as she followed me. “I know my limits. If he keeps charging us like a goose with a noose, I won’t even make it to eight.” “You think I don’t know that?” I hissed. “My record is only five minutes, twenty-two seconds!” I glowered at Dad as he chuckled. “We’ll just have to stick it out.” “I can hear you, kiddo.” The chuckles became a full on laugh. “You think you can outlast me? Endurance is my highest stat!” “Hay no!” I shot back. “But I know we can make ten minutes!” “And why not go for the gold, champ?” “You’re the one who always said I should play it safe!” “I’m also the one who said you could climb a mountain.” I bit my lip but said nothing. “You know you want to!~” He leapt again, and we rolled to the right. Before we were even up, he did it again. And again. And again. Wait. Where was Apple Bloom? “One…! Two…! Three…!” “Night!” Silver barked at me as we charged back in to buck Bloom free just before Luna finished counting to five. “You have to give us something now!” “I don’t see you trying to come up with a plan!” I pulled them both back with a gusty flap. She was right, though…. We needed something and we needed it now. I cast my gaze over the hulking form of our imminent doom. There had to be some sort of weak spot. A chink in the armor. A wound to open. Something! There! As Dad charged us again, I saw the tiniest shift in how he ran. He was favoring one side over the other; he’d actually felt Apple Blooms kick to the cannon. If we focused it enough so he couldn’t keep charging… “Roll left!” We dodged again, and I used the roar of the audience to hiss out a whisper. “Next time I call a roll to the left, roll in and buck his cannon again. We’ll have one chance; give it everything you got.” “Roll ri— Scree!” I didn’t have a chance to make sure they’d heard—Dad coming right back in to grapple me before I could get away. I used his size against him, crawling about him in a flurry of hooves that kept him trying to get a grip on me. “Hah! That’s my girl! Just like I taught— Arrrgh!” Dad roared as I sank my fangs in his wing to hamper his mobility advantage. “Son of a wombat! That’s your mother’s move! Come here, you!” He finally managed to snag me, holding my squirming form up with a triumphant grin. “Victory is mine! Any last words?” He booped my snoot. The foal. “Roll left!” I lunged forward to bite his frog in his brief moment of confusion; the girls lunged forward like I’d ordered. There was a loud crack as two sets of earth pony hooves met bone, and the resulting roar threatened to cave the room in. The stream of bad dad words was constant and unending as I was dropped on my hooves, but before I could take advantage of our momentum Dad gave a shaky flap back. The crowd was now silent save for Mom and Princess Luna. ”That’s it, sweetie! Make your momma proud!” “Well done, Nightingale! Well done! T’was a fine ambush, indeed!” In the quiet, the jingle of bits could be heard as a chuckling field marshal paid the Princess her due. “Really, Princess? You bet against me?” I’d never seen Dad pout like a kicked puppy before. “Neigh, my champion. I simply bet on your daughter giving a good fight!” “That would be her mother’s training kicking in.” Dad scowled at the crowd. “Thank you for that, honey!” “You’re welcome, dear!” I couldn’t help but giggle. “So do we win?” Apple Bloom took a tentative step forward. “Of course not.” Princess Luna, Mom, and I all spoke without a hint of hesitation. “Now… he gets serious.” “Beg pardon?” Bloom blinked as Dad cracked his neck like a thunderbolt. “Say what?” Silver took a step back as Dad took a deep breath and the room seeped a few shades closer to black. “Playtime is over.” Dad’s fangs got a little bigger as they gleamed in the darkness. “And I get to see just how much my little light in the night has learned.” “Get ready to run, girls.” I tensed myself for the flight of my life. “It’s the only way to win.” “W-what is he even—” “Run!” I tackled Silver to the side as Dad’s eyes flicked to her and he melted into the shadows to surge up behind her. “Keep running! Don’t stop! He can’t get a lock on you if you’re always moving!” Apple Blooms mouth kept opening and closing as she tried to finish her sentence. Her eyes were glued to Dad, wide with fear as he loomed over her with the true grin of a loon under moon. “V-v-v-vampony!” What?! No! It was just a bit of thestral… magic…. Aw, horseapples…. I don’t think I ever told her about that trick…. “Run Apple Bloom! It’s only—” Too late. She was wrapped in a bear hug to struggle fruitlessly as Princess Luna counted to five. Every time she kicked his cannon, he scrunched his face in pain, but he was trained to not let it stop him. “Five! Apple Bloom has been eliminated! Four minutes and thirteen seconds remain!” Wait. Really? Score! I’d beaten my personal record! Too bad there was no time for a victory scree. The crowd was in an uproar again, but I didn’t care to listen if it was good or bad. Silver was smart enough to stick with me and run, and Dad was in no shape to jump from the shadows all willy-nilly. As long as we kept moving, he’d tire himself out trying, and that meant his only option was going to be— With another deep, measured breath, Dad stomped his hoof, plunging the room into a darkness so deep and unnatural that even I couldn’t see through it. “Come on. Come on. Come on!” I sent out a rapid fire series of clicks and pulled Silver back as she blindly turned toward Dad while running with me. “We only need to last a few more minutes!” “Give in to the Dark Side, Night.” I screeped as Dad reached a hoof into the shadows and it shot up in front of me. “We. Have. Cookies!” “That line didn’t work last time, and it definitely won’t work this time!” I reared back to run the other way until he jumped the rest of himself behind us. “Cookies!” “Screep!” I almost tripped trying to get away; Silver did trip, and she was lost to the cookies. “One…! Two…! Three…! Four…! Five! Silver Spoon has been eliminated!” No! We were so close! I could hear the crowd cheering my name! My friends were rooting for me! “You can do it, Night!” Diamond was the loudest. “Give it to him!” Rumble next. “Rip his head off.” That had to be Scoots. “But not literally!” Thanks, Sweetie Belle. “You better win after he dun scared the apples right out of me!” Apple Bloom gave a tired yell. “Avenge us!” While Silver sounded anything but. “And these aren’t actually that bad….” Squinting my eyes shut, I let it all wash over me. “I can do this…. I can do this…. I can do this….” “One minute left!” “I can do this!” For once, when I looked inside to reach out to the moon, the moon pulled back. “Screeeeeeeeeeee!” I slipped through the shadows and dropped on top of Dad with my most savage battle cry. “Huh?” Dad had only a split second to realize what was happening as I appeared above him and dropped down. “Hah! That’s my— Ow! Oh! Oof! My leg! Let go of that! Ack! What is with you and biting today? You’ve already made your point!” In the last few moments of crucial struggle, a madly laughing Dad pulled me off his back and pinned me with three seconds to go. Three seconds was not enough. “And the winner is the bat platoon of Ponyville!” The crowd’s cheering wasn’t quite enough to drown out Mom as my little brothers decided to steal the spotlight for the first of many times. “Tempered… I know now is a bad time, but the bombs are in the bay.”