"Maybe today," Fluttershy said, licking the last of the oatmeal from her bowl.
Angel Bunny didn't even look up from his breakfast carrot.
Which almost made the Stare flare up in Fluttershy's gut, but she breathed steadily till it faded and she could say in a more or less civilized fashion, "I will not have you implying such things about Applejack!"
One of the rabbit's eyebrows rose slightly.
"I know it's been a week!" Fluttershy waved a hoof at the calendar. "You remind me every day!"
Ears drooping, he gave Fluttershy a glance that sent guilt washing over her. "Oh, Angel Bunny, I'm sorry. I don't mean to get upset, especially when you're just concerned for my happiness. But Applejack, she...and I...and we..."
She had to let her voice trail off. That she was confused didn't surprise her much: she usually was in one way or another. Mostly it was because she had so much trouble finding the words to describe what was going on inside her, but ever since Rarity had told her about Applejack's broken heart—
The fire hit her so hard this time, it pushed her to her hoofs; leaving her bowl on the table, she stomped outside into another beautiful Spring morning, only three birds left tapping their beaks at the remains of the seeds Fluttershy had scattered before seeing to her own breakfast. Fortunately, fewer birds meant fewer startled looks and frantic leaps skyward for her to feel guilty about.
Except—and this was what confused her—she didn't feel guilty. Yes, she was angry, but this was something worth being angry about, was something every pony, every bird, every cow and stoat and rabbit in or around town should be angry about! That Applejack, who had saved Ponyville all on her own more than once, who everypony knew they could count on any time they needed help, who was the best pony anywhere in the whole wide world, that she had opened her heart for the very first time only to get it slapped back into her face! It was wrong in every way that anything could be wrong, and whenever she thought about it, Fluttershy could barely keep her hoofs on the ground, wanted to storm straight to Sweet Apple Acres and demand some answers!
Because as much as she loved all her friends, Applejack was... Stopping, thinking, searching for the word, Fluttershy finally came up with 'special.' Yes, Applejack was special, had been special since the very first time Rainbow Dash had introduced her. Self-possessed but never self-serving, self-deprecating but never self-conscious, she'd immediately made Fluttershy feel welcome, something that Fluttershy hadn't felt anywhere in years.
She made her feel safe, too, made her feel that, no matter what the problem was, they could find the answer together. Like during that whole horrible dragon experience! Without Applejack, Fluttershy was sure she wouldn't've survived! So it would just be returning the favor to track down whoever'd hurt Applejack like this, give him a stern talking-to, and make him understand what a terrible thing he'd done!
Except—and this thought deflated Fluttershy's anger so much, all she could do was blow out another breath, step into the shade of the big oak beside her house, and settle into the grass—Rarity was right. Applejack had always kept her private life private, so much so that Fluttershy had even heard Twilight make a joke once about Applejack's apparent lack of a social life. It was another reason Fluttershy had always felt so close to her: Fluttershy's little wiggler had kept her from dating, and Applejack had just never seemed interested in the concept. So if Applejack needed some time to get over her own heartbreak before helping Fluttershy get her own heart broken—
But that might not happen! she wailed internally. When I showed my wiggler to Applejack, she didn't run away screaming! And Big Macintosh, he's her brother, isn't he?? He should react the same way she did!
Which let the fantasies she'd been doing her best not to think about burst into her thoughts: she and Big Mac getting married, her moving out to Sweet Apple Acres, the whole Apple clan taking her into their family. And best of all, most wonderful dream of all wonderful dreams, Applejack would become her sister-in-law! So she could see her and talk to her and be with her every day! It set Fluttershy's heart to beating fast, drove away the last bits of her anger, got the sun shining inside her the same way it was shining outside.
Everything would turn out all right, she told herself. She would have Big Mac with Applejack's help, then she would help Applejack find a new beau, a beau worthy of her—though Fluttershy couldn't think of anypony off the top of her head who would fit that description. Still, that's what would happen, and they would all live happily ever after!
***
The road from town up to Fluttershy's place had never seemed so steep; Applejack thought about stopping to take a quick rest ev'ry couple dozen steps even though she weren't anywhere near tired.
Well, not tired in any way that a rest'd help her with...
Nothing to it but to do it, she told herself. Apple Bloom was at school, Granny Smith was off playing canasta with her cronies at the senior center, and she'd nearly nailed Mac to the floor back home, told him he'd better be all cleaned up and handsome in the parlor when she got back with Fluttershy. And as fretful as he'd looked, the excitement in his scent told her he'd be there.
Only thing was, of course, she couldn't help wishing that he wouldn't be, that he'd run away and leave Fluttershy to—
No! She gave herself a mental slap. Fluttershy's done made her choice, and it's Mac, not you!
Thinking those words, she'd found the past couple days, worked better'n the spell to keep her lacinia closed and her hindquarters quiet. She still had her shameful dreams, but that was just stupid biology acting up. No way was she gonna let it take over her life the way it almost had.
She crossed the bridge outside town, saw the porch of Fluttershy's house sticking out 'round the next bend, took a breath, and caught the full, round, gorgeous scent of the pegasus like a hoof to the chest, her resolve shattering and her lacinia twitching. Quick as a bunny—No! Don't think of bunnies!—quick as she could, then, Applejack started the spell going in her head, felt it smooth her middle, and following her nose, she made her way around the house to the side yard, her heart picking up at the sight of Fluttershy nestled among the roots of the big oak.
And because she wanted nothing more than to stand there the rest of her life and drink in that perfect picture, she cleared her throat, stomped her hoofs good and loud, and called out, "Morning, Fluttershy! How's y'all been?"
Fluttershy started back, her neck twisting around, her eyes wide and alarmed and hitting AJ even harder than her scent. "Oh! Applejack! Good morning!" She sprang to her hoofs. "I'm sorry I didn't hear you before; would you like to come in for some breakfast?"
Yes! parts of her screamed, but Applejack pushed the impulse away. "Already ate, thanks." She forced herself to wink. "Besides, I reckon there's somepony out at the Acres might take it amiss if we kept him waiting."
A quiver shook Fluttershy from the tips of her ears to the end of her tail. "Oh! You...you mean he...he...he—" Her voice rose to a squeak so cute, AJ's knees almost buckled. "He really wants to see me?"
Swallowing, she somehow stayed steady. "I told you, sugar cube: Mac's crazy about you."
"Even with..." Fluttershy's head dropped, her mane half-covering her face. "Even with my wiggler?"
Emotions threatened to flood her again, so Applejack shoved a couple pallets of mental sandbags against 'em. "Only one way to find out," she managed to say.
Not looking up, Fluttershy nodded, took a shaky step, then another, and Applejack couldn't stop herself, was completely unable to keep from moving to her side and bumping her with her shoulder. "He ain't a dragon, y'know."
That got Fluttershy's attention, made her glance over with a smile and slowly lift her head. "You're right," she said. "He's the brother of my very best friend in the whole wide world!"
Applejack put on her best confused look. "Rarity's got a brother?"
Fluttershy laughed, nudged Applejack's shoulder with her own, and AJ filed the memory of that touch away for tonight when she was alone in her room. She gestured with a hoof, and Fluttershy started across the grass for the road, Applejack falling into step beside her.
The trip through Ponyville and out to Sweet Apple Acres was exquisite torture, another couple words Applejack was sure she'd never used afore, but again, nothing else described what she was feeling, walking alongside Fluttershy like ev'rything was normal, saying howdy to folks they met, answering Fluttershy's brightly-stated comments about how pretty the day was with whatever mumbles she could manage to squeeze out. 'Cause this was it. Soon as she got Fluttershy to the farm, it'd be her and Mac, and Applejack'd be on her own again.
Of course, Fluttershy'd prob'bly be moving in once she and Mac got hitched, and being so near to the only pony who'd ever flipped her flap, well, AJ expected that was gonna be a mite unsettling.
She'd live, though—same as always—and someday find a good stallion somewhere to carry on the family with her since Fluttershy didn't appear to have the mare parts for foal-bearing in the two quick but absolutely unforgettable views she'd had. But still, as the barn came into sight through the orchards around them, Applejack took a breath, blew it out, and resigned herself. No pony was ever gonna make her feel the way Fluttershy did, not even if there was another half-stallion, half-mare anywhere in Equestria.
Fluttershy had gone quiet, and as Applejack pushed the weight of her thoughts out of the way, she also noticed the sour stink of fear in Fluttershy's luscious scent. Not daring to touch her again since she was pretty sure she wouldn't be able to stop, she just muttered, "It's gonna be OK."
"I know." Fluttershy's voice trembled, but her steps didn't falter. "And since you'll be there, I won't—"
"What??" She barely stopped herself from shouting it. "I ain't gonna be there!"
At that, Fluttershy froze. "You...you...you...you have to!" she squeaked. "I can't be alone with Big Macintosh when I show him my wiggler! He might...I mean, what if he...if he..." The words kept getting higher and higher like her throat was squeezing in till it was too tight for the words to get out.
"All right, all right." No possible way AJ could stand being in the same room with Fluttershy opening her beautiful self again and not go completely crazy. So— "This has gotta be personal between you and Mac, see, but I...I'll be right outside, OK? Right outside and waiting for you two to come out all happy and together. All right?" Without thinking, she touched a hoof to Fluttershy's chin, turned her head so the pegasus had to look directly at her—
And the rush of warmth and love and trust that filled those eyes almost undid Applejack's ev'ry resolution, almost sent her leaping forward, wrapping Fluttershy close, pressing her lips to hers, telling her the whole unvarnished and honest truth—
Which would destroy Fluttershy, would destroy Big Mac, would destroy ev'rything Applejack believed about herself, and would let consarned biology win in the end.
Stepping back, then, tearing her hoof away, keeping the smile on her face, she gestured to the house and said, "You go on in, sugar cube. Nopony else's home, and he's waiting for you in the parlor."
A moment, then Fluttershy whispered, "Thank you, Applejack." Her steps toward the front door were so light, AJ didn't think she was touching the ground though her wings stayed clenched against her sides same as they usually did.
At the porch she looked back, and Applejack gave her the biggest grin she could. Soon as Fluttershy drifted inside, though, the silent explosion in her chest nearly made AJ leap to her hoofs and start running—where, she didn't care; just away from here, away like her Mama, away like her Poppa, away from the choice between her mind and her body, between ev'rything right and natural and ev'rything warped and biological.
And she did start moving—not running; no way in sweet green Equestria was she gonna let herself actually do that—but, well, she couldn't just stand there in her own front drive and stare at the house like an idjit. She could be chopping firewood or oiling wheelbarrows or any number of mindless jobs that always needing doing 'round the place.
Glad to have any sort of a plan, she turned, stumped away from the house and crossed to the barn, muscled the door open, all the while refusing to let her ears stretch after any stray sound that might come drifting out of the—
The slam of a door, the clatter of big hoofs, panicked panting: AJ spun, stared back at the house, an all-too-familiar red figure bounding across the yard toward the north forty, his mane, nicely combed for once, tangling as he ran, his polished hoofs already dusty.
Staring a moment, then sprinting after him, she shouted, "What in tarnation?? Big Macintosh! Hey! What's the idea??"
He wasn't moving fast—not that he could outrun her over distance anyway—so she caught up pretty quickly, had to wrinkle her nose at the fear steaming off him. "Hey!" she shouted again, stretching a bit to get out in front so he'd be sure to notice her. "You big coward! You ain't running out on Fluttershy, are you??"
"Fluttershy!" he blurted, stumbling to a halt. "She—! I mean, he—! I mean—!" He swallowed so hard, Applejack could see the bulging gulp travel down inside his neck. "I can't even rightly tell you what I mean!"
Applejack waved a hoof. "I knows all about it, you dang galoot! But what did you—??"
"You knew she had a—a—??" His already wide eyes got even wider. "And you didn't tell me??"
"How could I?" She stomped the grass. "We both knows it right now, and you still can't say it!"
"But—!"
"But nothing!" Rearing onto her hind legs, she grabbed Big Macintosh by the collar and shook him till he rattled. "What happened to—??"
A streak of yellow caught the corner of her eye, and Applejack turned in time to see Fluttershy vanishing beyond the trees. "I couldn't—," Mac was saying, "couldn't do nothing but stare when she started opening up, but when that...that...when it come out, I...I—" For all that he was already bright red, Applejack had always been able to tell when Mac was blushing. "I reckon I maybe turned and ran..."
Applejack realized she was panting and sweating almost as much as he was. Because if— "Then you don't want her??" she just about yelled.
"Her??" Big Macintosh stared at her like she'd grown wings and a horn. "I ain't even rightly sure she is a her no more!"
With a joyful whinny, Applejack pushed away. "Big brother, might be you just saved my life!" And she took off for the road to Fluttershy's place faster'n she'd ever run before.