//------------------------------// // Chapter twenty three, Hayburger Helpers: Menial riddles. // Story: Airship Mauled // by Darkonshadows //------------------------------// -Fizzle, Ponyville Hayburger- “Okay Jade, why is Sekhet here?” What did she do this time, I had to watch Jade like a griffon, eagle or even a hawk at all times to make sure she doesn’t go overboard. “Just some prevention setup.” What kind of prevention setup Jade? “Do you remember this one? You measure my life in hours, I serve you by expiring as my lifespan sours. I’m quick when I’m thin and slow when I’m fat, the wind is always my enemy no matter where I sat.” Yeah, Sekhet has been shooting a few riddles at Jade every now and then, she was also paying for and drinking a lot of coffee roasted personally by Flamberge. She’s been here since breakfast and wasn’t leaving for some reason. What was Jade up to? Or was it Sekhet that was up to something? All I knew was that things were going pretty well for our lunch period. “A candle.” Jade answered without batting an eyelash as she started frying some onions rings, Sekhet nodded at the back of her head as if Jade could see that action. “A simple wave from me can lead to imminent dangers, as I can twirl and drag you around in a dance as if we weren’t complete strangers. When I fall, I can save or endanger many lives in a manner most profound. When severely lacking my company, you might want to help pull me up from the ground. You need me more than I need you, which is fair to say, but too much of me can be the real end of your day.” Okay, Sekhet was definitely going for a record today. While she did make riddles with answers we’ve heard before, it was always worded quite differently. “Give me a minute Sek, that’s a pretty good one.” Jade sent me a smile when she turned to where I sat at the counter, I was waiting for the next order to walk in. This was really quite boring work and I don’t think I could do this forever, I wanted to get out there and show every pony what I can do. “I offered Sekhet to stick around after making sure most health code violations can be avoided and she took me up on it. So how has your horn been feeling lately? Are your exercises with imbuement and magic training helping you use it more easily?” “Yeah, my horns okay Jade, stop worrying about it. I’m getting better at controlling it… even if it’s like trying to scoop up a lake with a leaky bucket full of holes.” That was the closest analogy I could get to what using my magic is like. “If anything, I’m currently almost being bored to death by this job.” “Hey, at least you’re being paid for all this tedium.” Not that it really helped with the boredom Jade. “I’m not getting all the money we make from this, so do not imply that I’m being greedy. Though as a rogue I probably would want to be a little greedy and take half of Flamberge’s earnings.” In response Flamberge grunted angrily and was about to say something, only to whimper when Jade shot him a dangerous sharp eyed look. How did Jade keep cowing that drake with a scathing glance alone? I thought dragons were more aggressive and made of sterner stuff than that. My reservoir of magic was only getting bigger, but my control of it was lacking and the bleed off effect was increasing the amount of magic I had to work with each time by expanding the pool into a lake and then possibly further into an ocean. It was a struggle to even do directed blasts of magic, but what I could do was always powerful and then some. Even with my increasing capacity, I was losing a good chunk of my magic for every spell I tried to do even if it was as simple as lighting my horn. It was a constant struggle to gain an edge in keeping control of it all, but I was sure I could do it. I could probably rival an alicorn with my magical output, but I wouldn’t ever recommend a unicorn damage their horn to be like mine. I really wanted to make Kuril proud of me and I wanted to impress Jade by getting strong, I… sometimes felt lacking in comparison to Maries. I wanted to be more important, but I hadn’t exactly figure out how to do that yet. I’d get there one day and then… I might actually feel worthy of Jade’s or Maries’ attention. I was important enough to mom, Jade and Maries at least, though we needed to have a discussion about Maries in what she sees in me and Jade. I can kind of see what Jade sees in Maries at least, she was strong, intelligent and was quite capable of protecting us tooth and nail. Maries’ appearance was a little difficult to think of in a fond light at first, but after a while I grew to appreciate them as individuals and as a collective entity. They were naturally beautiful, It was kind of like how Jade was beautiful even when she cared so little for being feminine. It wasn’t like I or Maries were winning a beauty pageant any time soon, unless chimera held beauty pageants, though Jade might be able to. It was a matter of getting Jade to wear a dress and telling her to act completely like an airheaded idiot we accuse her of being sometimes, she would only do one of those things for me if asked and I knew which one of those she would choose in instant. It was kind of hard for me to see Jade as plain by Abyssinian standards. The picture mom had of the queen of Abyssinia looked nice. She wasn’t overly attractive to me, but apparently by Abyssinian standards said Abyssinian queen was quite a beautiful queen among queens. Female cats being called queens made me think of the queen bee analogy mom told me about when she explained the finer points of life and reproduction. My face went red at a few new implications I just realized about my education in the birds and the bees. “Hey… hello… Fizzle!” Jacky shouting in my face made me yelp and almost tumble out of my chair, thankfully Jacky grabbed me and pulled me back into a steady position. I had gotten a little lost in thought. “I did what you asked and checked up on the stallion that claimed to be an inspector, he actually is a health inspector. His name is Forward Closure, he filed for a warrant this morning and is going to give you a notice about it in advance. He’s also a bit down on his luck lately, he really doesn’t do much here in Ponyville. Oh and can I get an order of fries, some ketchup and onion rings?” “Well that’s nice to know… Jade, kid gloves!” It needed to be said and I did so, because Jade doesn’t hold back on going full petty kitty mode when someone issues a threat to her or those she loves. I’ve seen what she is capable of and know she can do some really evil things for a good cause. “Give me a little credit Fizzy, it’s like you expect me to go off the deep end on that Closure guy.” It sounded like Jade was already working on Jacky’s order. Given a chance and an opportunity to do something when in the vein of her general petty kitty mindset, Jade would totally do something if she thought she could get away with it. That is… if Jade hadn’t already… darn it Jade! I turned to Sekhet with a panicked look in my eyes. “I know not what Jade plans, but I can tell you that I wouldn’t be able to stop it at this rate if it’s already set up. Jade doesn’t fight wars or battles to win, she fights to severely annoy and she’s quite successful at it. Makes me wonder if all her enemies will gather together to bring her down.” With that the goddess took another sip of her coffee, I felt something drop in my stomach. “The food here is not to my taste, but dragon made coffee is always nice.” -Inspector Closure- I walked in calmly, I would do a proper inspection. Learning that I might have been a bit too full of myself and had my head thoroughly dug into the clouds in my hubris, I delivered a notice of intent to inspect the premises in a few hours from now. No pony had gotten sick yet, but Sell Hard did say that establishments like this tended towards the unhealthy. So far I didn’t see anything unhealthy about it, but I had a job to do if I’m to pay the bills this week. I really needed a job that paid better. It was quite kind of Sell Hard to charitably give some money to me so I could make ends meet. -Maries- “Well we’ve been given a notice of today’s inspection and two future inspections over the next two weeks. I’ll be in charge of making sure everything is ship shape, while we’re here at the very least.” There was a rough tapping on the ‘to go’ window nearby, attracting our attentions. Moving over to it we opened it to see a pony recoiling at the sight of us. Just another average day for us. “Welcome to Hayburger.” Mara started. “Home of the hayburger.” Maria continued. “May we take your order ma’am?” Marie asked in a friendly tone as she rose up overhead. “Lands sakes, a chimera working at our local Hayburger, Big Mac is never going to believe me when I tell him about this! Sorry, but uh, you almost gave me a heart attack there. I can see your good folk, you know, since you’re actually wearing a uniform and all. I can tell your hardworking and just trying to get by like we do down on the farm.” The recoil became less fear and more curiosity, which happened much faster than usual and this kind of confused us. She eventually took her hat off her head and fumbled around for a scrap of paper within the inner lining. “Ah here it is, six Ponyville Pounders, four orders of fries, two orders of ketchup on the side, a fried blooming onion with three tubs of dipping sauce and one Cerberus Special extra Tartarus Sauce… I still don’t understand how granny can eat something so Celestia darned spicy.” “Eh, we prefer sweet and savory ourselves, a bit of cottage cheese wouldn’t go amiss either.” Mara stated conversationally. “We’re known as Maries collectively, I’m Mara. My sisters are Marie the snake head and Maria the goat head.” “Pleased to meet you Maries, I’m Applejack.” This Applejack was a somewhat interesting pony. “How much do I owe you for the order?” -Sell Hard- I couldn’t find any rats, mice or other pest this morning to help with my plans. It was like the area was picked clean of pests by some unseen force of nature. Speaking of plans, it was about time someone went to order something at the take away window, now to make my move! I lifted the bucket and ran forward. I tossed the amounts of my efforts last night, a riled up bucket full of bugs flew towards the window and the mare that just got caught in the crossfire. So there was a little collateral damage, I didn’t care. It wasn’t illegal to own a bucket full of bugs nor was it illegal to toss them through the window of a restaurant in the effort to get it shut down, I checked. Though this could technically count as assault, I doubt anyone would side with the beast at the window and my victory was assured. Only, neither of them were touched and my plan to get at least one bug into the restaurant failed spectacularly, especially when the mass of bugs suddenly turned around in midair and came at me. I suddenly found myself covered in bugs, all of them itching, biting and scratching. I of course kept calm and made my way away from the establishment like any business pony would under the situation. I would be back once I found something more capable of causing this place a problem. -Maries- Did that pony have to have such a shrill voice? It left our ears ringing somewhat. He also ran pretty fast while he was screaming about the bugs he incidentally covered himself in. While Mara and Maria took care of addressing if Applejack was okay, Marie decided to give Jade a flat look. Jade glanced at us from where she was already frying the blooming onion order already masterfully chopped open by Blade as soon as it was ordered. She smiled in an adorably innocent manner, it was as if she expected that to happen. -Jade- “Is the answer water?” I asked of Sekhet who was in the midst of getting another cup of coffee, apparently caffeine couldn’t effect gods nearly as much as it did us mortals. It did give them plenty of energy though, unicorns shouldn’t have too much or else their magic works faster than they can control. “Yes it is, also you certainly called it on the bugs.” This was the first time I heard Sekhet snickering, it was kind of cute. “Though the stallion was quite predictable to begin with.” “Yet figuring out my girlfriends takes a while, mostly because they’re too busy trying to figure me out.” It was true, but at least Maries and Fizzle weren’t fighting over me and I wasn’t fighting them over the other. “So a magician boasted that he could hold his breath under water for six minutes. A child heckled him by stating they didn’t have to hold their breath underwater and could do so for ten minutes. The magician taking the boast in earnest, bet the child couldn’t do it for a thousand bits. How does the child win? Mind you the child didn’t have magic that allowed them to breathe underwater like you can.” Well I thought that that was a neat one from Sekhet, a little wordy of a riddle for my taste if I’ve ever heard one like it before. I could breathe underwater, but I doubt magical alchemy was an answer to this one. How would a normal being… oh… interesting. Exactly, like sticking out your tongue and touching your nose. Only in a different way, simple is as stupidly complex does. “The child obviously filled a glass of water and held it above his head, he’d then be under the water for the next ten minutes." Giggling a bit, I finished up the fries Applejack ordered. "Funny you should ask that one in a restaurant where someone can order a glass of water.” I doubt I’d ever see Rarity here, too low class for the persnickety one. The only other pony I hadn’t seen come in here was Rainbow Dash and she didn’t live here yet. “Correct.” It was nice to see Sekhet become more relaxed when I answered her. It took an hour or two before the next incident, when Sell Hard ran in followed by a really angry looking manticore. Fizzle leapt forward, excited at the prospect of having to fight it with her hooves.