//------------------------------// // Take me out to the ball game // Story: Prank War! // by Ashfur //------------------------------// "So, that's the plan. You in or out, Pinkie?" "Nicky, if you think for even a second I'm gonna miss out on a shot at comparing my baking to the royal chefs, you're crazier than Discord! I am one-fundred percent in!" Pinkie cheered. "But how did you get all the way to ponyville without the princesses knowing?" "Oh, they know I'm here. They just think I'm here to drive Sparky up-the-walls bonkers with an old joke from my world. Like, almost a century old." "Oh! Well, if you're gonna go after her, let me know how it goes! And while you're here, why not order some snacks?" She leaned against the counter, smiling. "Each cupcake comes with a free cupcake!" Nick pondered for a moment. "Odd way of saying 'buy one, get one free', but sure. Give me... uh... two of those vanilla ones with the blue frosting. Looks like it's three bits." Pinkie gathered up the requested treats and put them on the counter enthusiastically. "Alright, do you wa-" "DON'T. YOU. DARE." The doors of the cutie map room swung wide as Nick pushed in, and Twilight looked up from her notes to greet him. "Nick! I heard you were visiting today. How are things in Canterlot? Anything fall apart? No angry mobs?" "What kind of town do you live in that those are normal questions, Sparks? Seriously. But I'm fine, ya crazy purple bookworm." He walked over and ruffled her mane with a hand before scratching her ears. "Any cool science on this side of the mountain?" "Nothing you'd understand without college-level understanding of magic, and I know you aren't there yet, so I'll just say I made a spell that lets me teleport better." "And the old one doesn't work as well?" "It's complicated, but it's just more efficient on my mana reserves and moves the target futher. I plan to use it to help set up for the CMC's baseball game next week. They never stop helping all those foals who haven't earned cutiemarks yet." "Oh, baseball? I was on a baseball team once. We all had nicknames. Nicknaming players is a time honored tradition in human baseball." "What were their nicknames?" "No, What was one of their nicknames. He played second base. The others had different nicknames. Like, he played left field." "Who played left field? You just said he played second, and I don't know who played second base!" Nick threw his arms up in faux annoyance. "Sparky, slow down! You're getting it all wrong. Who was on first!" "I'm asking who was on second, Nick!" "What was!" "I DON'T KNOW!" "HE PLAYED THIRD BASE, YOU PURPLE GOOF!" "BUT-" Twilight took a moment to catch her breath. "Alright, I have a feeling that there's a miscommunication here. Why don't we start over? Nicholas Abernathy, my dear friend, please tell me the name of the player that defended first base." "The name of the player who defended first base?" Nick asked. Twilight nodded, her mane and tail beginning to fray slightly. "Oh, he played centerfield." "No, WHO PLAYED FIRST BASE?!" Nick clapped his hands happily. "Now you're getting it! Who was on first." "That's not what I mean- wait a minute..." "Would you be upset if I told you Wait a Minute played was our right fielder?" Twilight pulled out a pen and paper and started writing notes. "No, hang on, I got this. You said 'Who' was on first, right?" It only took a few minutes for Twilight to figure it out after that. "I gotta admit, Sparky. You were hilariously mad at first, but I've never seen you deconstruct an argument that fast, and I made it harder than the original with more names!" "Well, once I got the trick, the answers just fell into place. So, correct me if I'm wrong here. 'Who' was on first base. 'What' was the second baseman, and 'I don't know' was on third." Nick nodded. "Correct so far. That's as far as the origional joke went, though." "Well, I'm sure it was funny the first time! Maybe we should try something similar on Rainbow, she'd take ages to get it. Moving on, 'Like' played left field. 'Wait a Minute' took up right field, and 'The name of the player who defended first base' was the centerfielder. Clever with that one. So, who was the pitcher?" "No, he played first." "Nick..." "Fine. The answer is We didn't have a pitcher." "Who... no. Which player threw the ball then?" "The pitcher, obviously." Twilight stomped the ground. "You just said there was no pitcher!" Nick grinned again. "No, I said our pitcher was 'We didn't have a pitcher'. You need to listen better, Sparky." Twilight grinded her teeth in frustration. "Fine. I suppose I should have seen that coming. Now, what was the name of your catcher?" "I forget." "Nice try." Nick seemed to deflate a bit, beaten. "Dang. Thought I'd get you with that one." "Aw, feel better. Now, did you have a designated hitter?" "Oh, his name was ...." Not long after, Nick appeared above the Canterlot Castle moat and fell in. Swimming back to the surface, he took a deep breath. "Whew! She really did improve that teleport, didn't she?"