//------------------------------// // Doubt // Story: Normal and Blank // by BurningQuill //------------------------------// The quill’s point hovered and danced over the page, unable to make contact with the parchment stretched upon the table. The violet glow waved and maneuvered the writing utensil in no organized or coherent manner in direct reflection of its wielder’s thoughts. Twilight Sparkle, with her newly acquired status as Princess and newly acquired race as Alicorn faced the toughest task she’d ever encountered: getting started. The former unicorn’s reputation as the single most obsessively-organized creature in the world didn’t carry over into something about which she knew nothing. When she was only a scholar and librarian, she knew all the facts to organize into a thesis that must have slaughtered acres of forest. As a student, she knew exactly what needed to be written and how to word it. As a friend, she knew what to say in what order to help, and what to say in what ways to be the best friend her friends needed (though letting slip word of Spike’s crush on Rarity still remained a black mark on her otherwise perfect record, relatively speaking, of course). She was a princess now, and the blank parchment showed just how much she knew of being one. What am I even supposed to be doing? Celestia, Luna, and Cadance had much more experience due in no small part to their longer-than-usual lives. They each took the reigns of different countries and handled running them, leaving the newcomer, Twilight, to get accustomed to her new responsibilities… …just as soon as she figured out what they were… The purple alicorn had no country to run, no throne to fill, and no real direction. No objectives, no duties, no real purpose. So… why am I here now? The profound despair caused her to groan and throw down her quill. The collision between desk and cranium was unintentional. “Princess, are you alright?” The tough masculine voice caused her to jump. Along with the crown and obligations, Twilight also hadn’t gotten used to armed guards on standby at all hours. “I’m fine, Sergeant. Thank you for your concern.” “My honor, your highness,” he answered as he bowed out of the room. What am I supposed to do when the guards are here for me? Am I still supposed to be formal, or can I be more relaxed? Is a princess even allowed to be casual with them, or must I be strict all the time? Why do I understand less every second? One thing hadn’t changed and would remain her only security in her time of adjustment: her home, the Golden Oak Library of Ponyville, would remain her residence and her castle. Spike at least had been doing more work around the library, taking the more menial chores off Twilight’s mind, but now he was doing more work in maintaining the library than she was. Is it really my library anymore? A wisp of green smoke entered the window, swirling before Twilight and solidifying into a postcard resting on the table. Twilight picked it up with her magic and examined the photograph of Spike and Rarity decked out in shiny new and decorative mining equipment. The two waved, leaning against a mine cart with Spike’s shovel resting on his shoulder and Rarity’s flashier-than-necessary silver-handled pick axe held up with her magic. Three large medals hung around their necks denoting 3rd, 2nd, 2nd. Twilight flipped the card over. Dear Twilight, We wanted to thank you again for giving Spike time off for the Gem Hunt, he’s been doing so well! We’re sorry everypony else was so busy, but we promise to bring you all souvenirs (We think they might let us keep some of the gems we mine). We haven’t been doing bad, either; we placed in the top three in every event so far. Spikey’s Wikey’s been an excellent worker and needs a party when we get back (hint hint, nudge nudge). Tomorrow we go through the gravel and mud field, and here I thought digging in mud alone was bad enough yesterday. There are four more rounds to go so wish us luck! (Rarity needs no luck, she has Spike) We miss you all so dearly and can’t wait to be back home. Your dearest friends and #1 assistant, Spike and Rarity P.S. I wanted to wait until morning to send it, but Spike insisted you were still awake at this obscene hour. I hope we didn’t trouble you. Twilight smirked, setting the postcard on her table. Spike knew her so well. They’d be gone for another week but the absence of her number one assistant made Twilight realize just how lost she truly was. She’d give anything right now to have him here, making some snide comment about how she was over thinking this. She needed him to tell her to calm down and say she was worrying over nothing. Sadly, he wasn’t here; he was off being himself and loving every minute of it. That’s because he doesn’t have a crown to fill… Twilight drew a small to-do list she’d been keeping and added “#263: Write reply to Spike and Rarity” before groaning and realizing she still did not know how to send a letter straight to a dragon like Celestia did. She’d have to send it by mail or just wait until the two got back. Casting the list aside and looking once more to her empty parchment, Twilight released a frustrated sigh of exasperation. She would pick this up again tomorrow. For now, she notified the guards of her exhausted journey to Luna’s realm of dreams. Perhaps she could gain some guidance there. * * * * * * * “Would you pick up the pace?” The sky buzzed and swam with the beating wings and hooves of the pegasus weather team. The sky that was supposed to be cloudless two hours ago still had blots of condensed moisture razzing them for all their efforts. The noon sun was warmer than usual, causing discomfort for those having fun, and a choking chafe for those hard at work. Weather captain Rainbow Dash hated moving slow and hated being behind schedule. Part of her job being to remind the whole team of that fact. “Come on who’s securing these, and why do they keep drifting back?” Pegasi, having an incredible influence over meteorological phenomena, could control the wind as well. Despite popular belief, however, this control was by no means absolute. The natural wind continued to drift back over the town, bringing storm clouds back that had only seconds before been cleared. “Dash, why can’t we just bust them?” asked a black pegasus, wrestling with a hefty cloud of his own. “By all means, Thunderlane, go right ahead,” Dash taunted. “Hit that storm cloud with everything you’ve got.” Thunderlane’s bravado evaporated more efficiently than his work ethic. The nervous glance over his shoulder to the rest of the team told Rainbow he’d wanted to show off. “If anypony else wants to do the job quick, please, buck the sky clear!” An electrical crackle and resounding rumble echoed over the town, accompanied by pained and startled vocalizations. “Anypony who would rather not be struck by their own lightning, will move these clouds to the drop zone over the farms to the north.” Grumbling but compliant murmurs answered and the team went back to work. Now Dash needed to watch her team work. Somewhere there was a loose gear in need of adjustments, and the error would be corrected on her watch. Blossomforth moved a large clump of clouds about three times her size with no difficulty. Flitter and Cloudchaser worked together to move a huge ball of storm clouds, again with no difficulty. The pair also took their time, though on closer inspection they appeared to be giggling and looking back. Rainbow observed Thunderlane carrying more storm clouds than he should have been in awkward poses in an attempt to show off his style, attempt being the operative word. Still, his cloud loss was minimal and did not account for the problems they’d been having. Finally, Rainbow saw the grey mare… Of course… Derpy sweated and strained to move enough storm clouds to build a whole apartment complex. Apart from the figurative breadcrumb trail she left, her jostling of her cargo caused the clouds to spark and pop. “Derpy! Hold it!” Rainbow ordered, flying down in a huff to deal with her subordinate. “Derpy!” Apparently Dash’s approach was sudden and unexpected as Derpy jumped in surprise, throwing herself against the clouds while turning to face her boss. The involuntary kick sent a bolt through her and Rainbow Dash, shocking the both of them. Dash glared back, her mane and coat singed and smoking. Derpy blushed and shrank shyly, her own blonde mane sizzling. I hate this part… Dash had to look Derpy in the eye, but which one? One sort of went down and to the left while the other was up and slightly right. Dash eventually elected to address the bridge of Derpy’s nose. “Derpy, what are you doing?” “I’m sorry, I was just trying to move the clouds like you said,” Derpy timidly responded. “You’re moving them alright,” Rainbow scolded. “You’re moving them where they don’t need to be and leaving them!” Rainbow’s agitation bubbled into her speech. “I- I’m sorry…” “Yeah. Sure. You just made a ton of work for the rest of us all day long,” Rainbow said. “Jus- just go home.” Rainbow set to work gathering the storm clouds drifting back over the town, calling other pegasi to help, leaving Derpy behind. * * * * * * * The choir of crickets sang along the banks of the stream below the bridge. Derpy stood with her forelegs over the railing, gazing down into the water. The calming flow helped ease her, but it still couldn’t quite finish the job. Tears dripped softly down her face while she looked upon her reflection illuminated by the yellow street lamps. At least she tried to look at her reflection. She’d be lucky if she could get one eye to focus at that range. I’m a failure… Derpy swallowed her sobs in a futile attempt to stifle her anguish. The pressure built up all day and only in solitude did she feel comfortable enough to open the floodgates. Derpy’s chest heaved as she cried, her face dampened with tears. The sliver of a moon passed the midnight position a while ago. She should be asleep by now. I can’t let her see me like this… Her. The whole reason Derpy refused to return home just yet. The reason she had three jobs. The reason she even got out of bed every day. Derpy’s precious baby. Her light. Her sweet little muffin. The hours spent meandering aimlessly through Ponyville, Derpy’s thoughts revolved around the little unicorn filly at home. There was no way she could face her baby with such a disappointment hanging over her head. The grey mare dismounted the railing and slouched toward one of the benches outside town hall. She lay down on the bench and closed her crooked yellow eyes, wiping her nose on her foreleg. I just wish I were normal. I wish I weren’t so different… for her. Derpy sat alone with just the Darkness and her thoughts. * * * * * * * “Do you know what subtlety is?” Cloudchaser cocked an eyebrow at Thunderlane. The black pegasus stallion went through his pre-flight stretches, which contained a few more muscle flexes than normal today. “What? The gunship needs to warm up before battle!” he jested. “Again, subtlety? Do you know it?” The bluish-grey pegasus, Flitter chuckled at the show as she signed in for work. The displays some stallions put on were very alluring. The rest were outright comical, and great for a laugh. Thunderlane, as always, remained undecided as to which he was. “Um, Flitter?” The smooth voice too young for the stallion who possessed it gave him away. “Hello, Caramel,” she greeted. The aptly-named and appropriately-colored earth stallion, Caramel stood blushing and averting his gaze. “Hi, um,” he stumbled. “You work today?” Flitter looked over her shoulder to the other pegasi, then down to the sign-in sheet in front of her. “Uh, yeah?” she answered. “Oh, right. Uh Sorry,” Caramel stammered. “Later tonight, um, when you’re finished… would you like to see a movie, or something?” Flitter knew full well this was coming. He had to be trying to be Thunderlane’s opposite. Flitter chose to respond with a line she’d been reserving for the immature Thunderlane himself. “I’m single, not desperate. Now if you’ll excuse me, the adults have jobs to do.” Flitter's rejection punctuated with a flip of the tail as she turned to rejoin the team, just in time for the boss to show up. * * * * * * * “Everypony, listen up!” Rainbow Dash bellowed. “We lost some time yesterday and the farmers need more rain. We’ll be gathering rain clouds over the farms again to make up for it. A shipment of fresh rain clouds has been dropped just north of town. Move them over the farms and spread them evenly. Any questions?” An exuberant “No ma’am!” answered her with one “YEEA- uh NOOO!” thrown in. When they broke, Rainbow Dash saw a new face in the crowd. The new flier departed too quickly for Rainbow Dash to intercept, but set to work right away, gathering clouds about the size of a standard pull cart and transporting with no issue. I wasn’t told about any new hires… Rainbow Dash joined her team in moving the clouds, but kept a distant eye on the new one. Whoever this new mare was, she worked efficiently and without hesitation or distraction. She set to work ferrying clouds and not even glancing at anything not directly related to the task. Politely excusing herself when she got in somepony else’ way or waiting patiently when her own path was obstructed, she looked like she knew exactly what she was doing and how it was supposed to be done. Though Rainbow Dash had not touched the book in years, she recalled the Department of Weather Services Official Hoofbook had exact measurements for everything, including what volume of clouds was safe to push. Dash could not remember the exact volume, or what a square meter was, but she was pretty sure this new pegasus handled that exact amount. No more. No less. Must be from Cloudsdale. The weather capital did have higher standards and more regimented behavior. The thought eased Dash’s mind and she set back to work. Within the span only thirty minutes, a nice, cooling rain fell upon each of the farms: a new town record! “Great job everypony!” Rainbow Dash congratulated. “Only other thing on the schedule is clearing the skies over Ponyville! If you’re quick enough, there might even be a few pizzas afterward! My treat!” “YEEAAH!” The cheers went up and the group zoomed out over the town, dispelling the clouds over the town with their new energetic drive. Except one. The new mare set to work, but that spirit wasn’t present. Something was off, it was difficult for Dash to pin down. The mare moved with speed, precision, and energy, but lacked any feeling. No slouching from exhaustion, no bounce from excitement, not even a hesitant moment to think about the next move. She wasn’t working. She simply functioned and carried out every task. According to the book… The rules and regulations from Cloudsdale were annoyingly strict, so nopony followed them exactly. Nopony except her… Confident her team could handle this on their own, Dash went out to confront the new one. Drawing closer, Rainbow Dash could see she was grey. No other color. Just grey. Not even different shades of grey. Just a dull, lusterless grey. “Hey,” Dash called. “I didn’t know I had anypony new here! You did some good work, but who are you?” Maybe the Department sent her to evaluate me. My speech was pretty compelling, wasn’t it? The grey mare turned to face Rainbow Dash. Her calm but somehow alert demeanor was somehow foreign to Dash, but not unwelcome. Until Rainbow saw the grey eyes, that is. By Celestia, everything about the new girl was grey. Her eyes, her coat, her mane. Rainbow grimaced as she saw something disturbing and unnatural. This full-grown adult doesn’t have a cutie mark… Brushing aside the nervousness, Rainbow spoke. “What’s your name? In a calm, straightforward voice, the grey mare stated simply: “I am Derpy Hooves.” * * * * * * * The fresh-sewn rain clouds nourished the land and plants all around, softening the dirt as it worked. Having completed their work, the pegasi landed in the dry and sunny town for fun and relaxation. Further up the road, from beneath an old tree, the sodden and sullen Caramel watched. What was it this time? Caramel mentally lashed himself, berating yet another failure. How many times? How many times had he heard ‘no’ with a hateful twist? How many mares thought he was a waste of flesh and space? How many ponies- no, how many beings both living and dead felt he shouldn’t have been made? When you’re rejected once, it’s a stumble. When you’re rejected twice, it’s annoying. When you’re rejected three times, it’s frustrating. When all you’ve ever heard ‘no,’ you start to question your purpose. Thunderlane makes it look so easy… Thunderlane could show off anywhere anytime and chances were good there’d be a mare swooning somewhere in the crowd. What am I doing wrong? The stuttering hadn’t helped, and neither had the slumping posture. The nerves that always hit him whenever he spoke with a member of the feminine persuasion paralyzed him each and every time. They were unfamiliar to him, and that made them intimidating. I wish I wasn’t such a wimp…I wish I just didn’t care… Caramel should be going home. He should be taking care of the chores around the house. For now, his scattered thoughts and caustic emotions swirled too violently in his head. He needed to rest. With the rain pouring all around and rivulets dripping through the tree branches on him, Caramel closed his eyes and rested alone. Just the darkness and his thoughts.