//------------------------------// // Chapter 23 - Homes // Story: Off The Mark // by Goldfur //------------------------------// I finished spacing out and came to in my lounge chair. I had my robe on over my pajamas and the footrest was up. My slippers had fallen off at some point but I was too lazy to take my chair out of full-recline mode to get them. Through the window, I saw the neighbors’ white picket fences and perfectly manicured lawns, just like mine. I spotted Phil taking his recycle bin to the curb and waved. He saw me and waved back. Boy, I loved that guy. I looked back at the newspaper in my hooves… I mean hands and couldn’t really make out anything. Odd. I guess I really did need glasses. I turned to the comics just inside the back page and was happy to see that they were in perfect focus. Andy Capp and Peanuts never got old. “Honey, I made your favorite!” I heard from just in front of me. I lowered the paper and saw… “Pinkie Pie?!” It was true. The pink mare was right there in my living room, smiling her perpetual friendly smile. “What are you doing in my house?” She giggled. “Making sure you get enough to eat, hubby wubby!” Wait, what? She held a monster-sized pan of probably sixty chocolate cupcakes under my nose. “Germane chocolate frosting over triple chocolate cupcakes with molten fudge centers!” Warm, fuzzy feelings replaced my confusion. OK, those sounded and smelled pretty awesome, actually. I reached out to grab a couple. The earth pony laughed. “Save some for our kids, silly!” I felt a chill grip me and I froze before I touched the first cupcake. There were that many of them? “Kids?” I couldn’t help but ask. “Of course!” She turned to an entryway that I knew led to the rest of the house. “Come on in, girls!” “Girls?” I wondered in increasing panic. I fumbled for the lever on the reclining chair so I could release myself from my polyester fiber prison, but I couldn’t find it on either side. Small, pink copies of Pinkie Pie started pouring out of the entrance on every surface: floor, walls, and ceiling. Each pronked along and the mass started to converge on me like a cloud of locusts. As they appeared, I heard Pinkie drone on. “There’s Pinkamena, Pinklestia, Pinkalicious, Pink Album, Pink Rheus, Pinky Panky, Pinkerdoodle…” Her voice was drowned out by the swarm converging on me, each one calling out, “Daddy… daddy… daddy…” As they all started to jump onto the chair with me, everything began to go pink. The last sight I saw was Phil standing outside the front window, pointing at me with one hand while the other held his sides. He was laughing his ass off. I jerked awake to find Pinkie Pie leaning over me with a cupcake in hoof. “Hey, dreamy stallion! Tell me what you think of my super-duper-quadruple-chocolate wakeup cupcake!” I was lying back in a Divan with the rest of the Elements of Harmony groggily waking up around me. Trixie was sound asleep, using my barrel as a pillow. Looking back to the cupcake, I had no doubt this was a German… or Germane… chocolate masterpiece worth dying for. Not being stupid, I took it in my hooves. “Thanks, Pinkie, but please stay out of my dreams; they are weird enough as it is.” She laughed as she bounced away. “You are soooooooo funny in the mornings, Mark! I can tell you’re just kid-, kid-, kidding!” I remembered retiring back to the royal wing of the palace with all my friends and making several attempts to get the margarita recipe just right. I also had tried to outdrink Rainbow Dash and Applejack but found that my Marklestia form gave me no extra stamina and was the first to drop out. After changing back to my stallion form, I just sipped the excellent Sweet Apple Acres hard cider until Rainbow slid gracelessly under the table, snoring in defeat. “Well are all y’all gonna just laze the day away? Sun’ll be up soon an’ Ah don’t wanna waste it.” The orange mare was dusting off her Stetson and looked exactly zero percent worse for wear. Glancing over at a yawning Twilight, I saw her hop off of her couch with pep in her trot and a big smile. Everyone else present groaned. “Too loud!” protested Rainbow Dash, pulling her sofa cushion over her head. Rarity tried to cover her ears with a couple of margarita glasses – thankfully empty. I tore off a quarter of the cupcake and waved it menacingly. “Not everypony has earth pony constitution, you three. Not even remotely fair.” I popped it into my mouth and chewed. Delicious! My head was pounding and I seriously considered using the hangover cure potion. Today was a holiday in celebration of Tirek’s defeat (good thinking, Trixie), so maybe I’d just suffer through the morning instead. “What time is it anyway?” Twilight’s horn lit for a moment. “About fifteen minutes until sunrise.” I turned and waved the remainder of the cupcake under the nose of the blue mare draped on top of me. She opened one eye and it focused on the treat in front of her. “As your princess, Trixie orders you to unhoof that captive cupcake. Trixie hereby decrees that it is the property of the crown… specifically mine,” she added as she belatedly realized that this referred to more than one princess now. Twilight made a sound of mock protest. Trixie glared at her. “Trixie is sorely lacking in vital minerals and vitamins that can only be found in chocolate.” “I’ll give you half the cupcake if you get up now,” I said. The blue mare’s horn started to glow. I brought up my hoof as if to strike the base of her horn. Her eyes went wide and the aura winked out. “You wouldn’t! Not to a mare with a hangover!” I smirked. “My job is to help you perform your royal duties. And it is your turn to raise the sun, assuming the Guild of Mages is in better shape than all of us this morning.” Twilight trotted past, her nose held high. “I was going to offer to perform the sun-raising ceremony today, but since you are in such an unfriendly mood, I suppose you’ll do it after all.” Trixie groaned and fell back in the couch, holding a hoof to her forehead. After a few seconds, she slowly rolled off of me and onto her hooves, swaying slightly with her eyes still closed. I held out the remaining three-quarters of the cupcake. The scent enticed her to gently eat it out of my hoof, licking up the last crumbs. She sighed and started shakily making her way towards her chambers, only opening her eyes after jostling the couch. Twilight bit her lip. “Trixie, I could teleport you there, if you like.” “Celestia’s sake, no! My stomach is having enough trouble as it is. Besides, I’ve been in worse shape after spending a night celebrating. I should be able to make it there in fifteen minutes.” After leaning against the doorframe for several seconds to get her bearings, Trixie staggered down the hallway. Meanwhile, Applejack’s not-so-subtle prodding was producing the desired results. Soon, a grumpy and disheveled group of Equestrian heroes were digging into pancakes, toast, jam, and lots and lots of coffee. I saved a cup for the blue princess but she apparently decided to sleep it off after performing her royal duties. There was still a couple of hours before the next train to Ponyville would head out, so by mutual consent, we returned to the sitting room, which had now been thoroughly cleaned and set back aright. One thing I appreciated about the castle staff – they were very discreet and gave us our privacy immediately after finishing their duties. Sure, if you needed something, you’d have to chase somepony down, but on the plus side, all of us could speak freely. Rainbow Dash looked me up and down. “So, when are you going for the trifecta, Mark? You’re already most of the way there.” Without waiting for an answer, she turned to her purple friend. “Hey, Twilight! Do you think you could blow him up again? After all his moaning and groaning this morning, I think he could use some earth pony to toughen him up.” I remembered no such thing! Before I could respond, Twilight said, “Until I can get my lab back up and running again, I won’t be able to tell exactly what has changed about his new form.” She looked at me. “Does your wristband still work?” I tapped the device. It displayed a green bar showing I was at around fifteen percent. Twilight nodded. “Keep using your boot to regulate your charge until I say it’s safe not to.” I nodded. I was all about self-preservation. “Whatever did you do with that Chair of Horrors Ah heard about, anyway?” asked Applejack. “Gave it to the Griffon Ambassador. Funny you should ask that, Applejack. Back on my planet, the professions that use leather the most are farmers, furniture makers, bookbinders, and clothing makers.” The orange mare tilted her head and said dryly, “Really?” “Yep. Saddles, horse tack, chaps, whips, gloves – which are basically hoof covers.” “Hmmm…” The earth pony squinted her eyes and looked off in the distance. “Ah suppose Ah could see the utility in a material that hardy, if’n it didn’t come from where it came from.” Fluttershy turned to Rarity. “Is it true that… that animal skins can be used in fashion?” Curiously, the alabaster mare said nothing. Wanting to fill the silence, I answered the yellow pegasus. “Absolutely: Belts, purses, skirts, pants, jackets, corsets I suppose. There are a sheen and suppleness to leather that no synthetic material can match.” Now the fashion mare’s silence was getting very noticeable as she stared downwards impassively. Rainbow Dash moved up right next to her, studied her face for a moment, then broke out in a huge grin. “You’re blushing!” The mare spun so quickly to face the pegasus that Rainbow almost got brained by the fashionista’s horn. Rainbow’s quick reflexes saved her. “I am not!” protested Rarity. Her cheeks turned even redder. “Oh, my,” said Applejack with a growing smirk. “Our sweet innocent unicorn mare has a… ‘thing’… for leather.” “Absolutely not true!” said the object of everypony’s attention, her face getting redder by the second. I couldn’t help myself. “Don’t feel bad, Rarity. I should have known this would happen.” She cocked an eyebrow at me. “All those days with the forbidden piece of furniture in your shop, tempting you, calling you to enter its forbidden embrace.” Rarity sat a little straighter. Now her neck was starting to show color. “Tell me, Rarity, were you tempted to cut off a piece for a fashion project you had dreamed of for ages but never thought you would have the opportunity to actually try?” “I would never!” she gasped, holding a forehoof to her chest. “I didn’t ask if you did, I just asked if you were tempted.” She went back to sitting up straight and staring down at the floor. I smiled. “Was there any excess material on the bottom of the chair, Rarity? Or did you replace the underside of the seat cushion with a large patch of fabric? That is a common way that seats are constructed, so no one would ever notice the difference.” Every ear in the room was perked up fully and pointed towards the Element of Generosity. She said, “I will not deign to respond to this conversation any longer.” Pinkie Pie came up and pulled her friend into a hug. “Now, now, Rarity. There’s nothing wrong with liking what you like. Plus, now I know what to get for your next surprise party!” The fashionista’s eyes went wide and her jaw fell open. Then she just deflated like a popped balloon. Everypony laughed and came up to give her hugs and assure her she was still loved. With no court today due to everypony dealing with Tirek’s destructive aftermath, I basically had been told to take the day off while Trixie and Twilight worked together with various department heads to fix things. That they could cooperate so smoothly was a miracle in itself, and I wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth, pun intended. I really needed the time-out and I used it to spend the morning with my friends until they had to catch the midday train back to Ponyville. Steady Flight was absent due to him taking a leave of absence to check on his parents’ welfare, their hometown being one of Tirek’s victims. I was left with nothing to do, so I headed back to my room, perhaps to do a little reading. I lay on the sofa, staring at the ceiling, my mind a jumble of thoughts. I’d been like that for over an hour since I got back to my quarters and I couldn’t get motivated to move. Turns out that with nothing to do but think, I started getting depressed. That’s how Twilight eventually found me after the Royal Guard at my door let her in. Apparently, Princesses trump mere Viziers, even when the latter just wants to be left alone. “What are you doing, Mark? I thought you would still be celebrating the victory over Tirek like everypony else.” “Didn’t feel like it, Sparkles,” I replied dully. Twilight sat herself down next to me. “Why would that be? You have more reason to party than anyone as it was your strategy that won the day.” “I almost died, Twi. Twice. Tirek was about to squish me like a bug, and I nearly shat myself from fear. Then I absorbed all that magic and I would have exploded if my horn hadn’t suddenly started working. Have you ever felt so much power that it starts to rip you apart?” “No, I haven’t. I suspect that you were trying to contain an alicorn’s amount of power in your faux alicorn body, and it’s a miracle that you survived. But you did, Mark. You went into that fight knowing that you could be hurt or even killed, but you emerged virtually unscathed, and even improved!” I snorted derisively before concentrating for a moment. My body was enveloped in a brief flare of magic and I was suddenly in my Celestial form. “You can definitely change at will now?” Twilight asked. “Yes,” I replied in Celestia’s dulcet tones. “Easiest magic I can do right now. I can even tweak my form to suit.” “I noticed you have the short mane-style that you tried weeks back. It doesn’t affect your stallion form when you change back?” “Nope,” I replied, demonstrating it for her by returning to my normal stallion form. “The mane comes in full-size if I don’t think about it. Or the opposite extreme – I can make it stop waving around completely and have it hang like a normal mane. It turns an even pink then though. I didn’t intend that.” “I believe that was Celestia’s natural mane and tail color before her power grew so much that it took on its current look. Anyway, that seems to me to be another reason to be happy about how things worked out.” “Happy? Is that what Harmony wants me to be?” Twilight blinked. “Huh? What are you talking about, Mark?” “I mean… I fall into this world and almost immediately I start gaining friends, and not just any ponies but the Element Bearers. On top of that, I become an Element Bearer myself, weaving me so deeply into the fabric of Equestria that I can never leave. Then I get a new form that suddenly compensates for my faulty body, and it is bucking perfect! And even though it’s female, I’m more than comfortable with it. How can I not feel that the Magic of Harmony is crafting me to literally be Celestia’s replacement? And not only does that not deter any of my new friends, but it also seems to make me even more desirable. It may have taken a long while for it to sink in, but don’t think I haven’t noticed how you mares have been looking at me lately.” Twilight blushed a little before starting to reply. “But isn’t—” “Wait! I haven’t finished. So, not only do I have a perfect body, but now I can change into it at a whim and customize it too! How convenient! Everything laid out on a platter for poor Mark Wells, stuck as a pony in a world where he doesn’t belong. Let’s make him so happy that he forgets about going home!” Twilight looked shocked. “But… isn’t happiness what everypony seeks?” I surged to my hooves and stared down at Twilight from my vantage point on top of the sofa cushions. “I am not a pony! I am a human being!” I roared. Then I sighed and covered my face with a hoof. I settled down on my stomach as I regained my composure. “I was a human, but I’m afraid I’m losing my humanity – losing sight of what it means to be Mark Wells: a bipedal ape-descendant person from a world where the only magic is trickery. Day after day, I find it harder to recall what it felt like to walk on two feet, hold things in my hands, or manipulate them with my fingers.” I flicked my ears. “Moving these things is second nature to me now, as is my tail. I’ve become so acclimated to this world and this body that I feel like I’m being assimilated by the pony Borg.” Twilight looked thoughtful for a long moment. “I don’t know what this Borg is, but I’m sure of one thing – you are still the same Mark Wells that I met shortly after you came to our world. You’re the same thoughtful, considerate, helpful, intelligent, and above all, friendly person. That hasn’t changed in the slightest in spite of everything else that has taken place. Nothing has happened to you that you didn’t bring upon yourself. The girls and I make a big thing about friendship because it’s such a powerful force in our world, but nopony said that you had to make friends with us. Nopony told you to eat the poison joke. Nopony forced you to enjoy your new form with your friends. And certainly, nopony or force made you risk your life for them. Good things do come to good people, Mark Wells, and you’re one of the best that I have known. It’s no wonder that mares find you desirable. This isn’t Harmony trying to force you into our mold – it’s all you. You earned your happiness, Mark.” “And what about me losing sight of my humanity?” I retorted. Twilight gave me a half-smile. “It seems to me that humanity and equinity are pretty interchangeable. You didn’t really have to learn how to fit in because you already knew how. Oh, sure! There are a huge number of minutiae that you’ve had to learn and still more in the future, but they’re just the fine details that make us interesting. Our fundamental values are still the same. And once you get back to Earth, I’m sure you’ll pick right up where you left off.” She smiled slyly. “You might have to get used to wearing pants again though.” It was my turn to blush, especially when I saw where her gaze currently lay. Of course, I knew she was making a point of it, but I couldn’t resist anyway. “Don’t worry, Twi – I’m not going to start covering my firm plot in the meantime to preserve my humanity.” Her blush matched mine as we regarded each other for a very long moment before bursting out in laughter. After a bit, the purple alicorn turned serious. “Mark, there were never two beings more woven into every aspect of Equestria than Celestia and Luna – and yet, now they are gone, possibly forever. You are not permanently trapped here. If they could leave, so can you.” I couldn’t poke any holes in that argument, so I nodded. “Mark, is the problem really the form you are in or the people you miss? If you were able to regain your human body, would you want to stay? Or if your friend Phil were here with you, is there anyone else back there that would be worth giving up the life you have here? I understand that you miss your home and are afraid of it slipping away, but I want you to think about this differently. What specifically is worth the sacrifice of giving up your friends and life in Equestria and why?” I looked at my forehooves and considered. She was right. I had been thinking about loss from only one direction. I would need to re-evaluate my priorities. I looked up and smiled at my friend. “Okay – now that you’ve spoiled my perfectly good blue funk, why did you really come to my room?” I asked. “What can I say? We missed you. Besides, lots of ponies want to meet the hero of the day. There’s even talk about awarding you a medal.” “No, thanks. Not unless everypony else who helped me gets one too.” “See? That’s the Mark Wells that I have known since the start. You really haven’t changed where it counts.” “Thanks, Twilight. Sorry for yelling at you, by the way. You didn’t deserve that.” “It’s fine – I understand. And while I hope you get to go home someday soon, I hope you won’t mind if we appreciate the pony you are right now.” “I think I can live with that.” A thought suddenly occurred to me and I snickered. Twilight gave me a suspicious look. “What was that about?” “I just realized something. You have competition.” “What are you talking about?” “Just before you arrived after I defeated Tirek, Trixie called me her stallion. I don’t think she even noticed saying that. It only just dawned on me too.” Twilight goggled at me. “Trixie likes you that way too?!” I arched an eyebrow at her. “Too?” I smirked. She just blushed more and hurried towards the door. I followed, feeling much better. It was good to have close friends, but they were going to have to up their game if they wanted to claim this single stallion. The next day was back to work, but not quite as normal. With her home destroyed, Twilight moved into her quarters in the palace on a semi-permanent basis until an alternative was decided upon. Unfortunately, the majority of her laboratory equipment in the basement was damaged although her immortal microscope didn’t even get singed. Twilight explained this was because of Germane engineering. In any case, testing my changed condition and several of her side projects were put on hold for now. This meant that she could devote more time to palace duties, and both Day and Night Courts were held for a week. However, this was more out of necessity than opportunity because Canterlot was flooded with ponies seeking help for problems caused by Tirek’s assault on several towns and cities. Both Princesses worked hard to get through the throngs of petitioners, and Raven and I were kept extremely busy as a consequence. However, as many of the problems that were brought up were of a similar nature, we developed solutions that were applicable to the majority, and by the end of the week, the schedule returned to some semblance of normality. I was glad to be able to head off to Ponyville along with Steady Flight to have a well-earned break. My valet and friend had worked hard too, keeping me fed and refreshed and going on errands for me during the busiest time of my life. We both needed a couple of days without having to worry about anything more difficult than what to have for breakfast. Thankfully, Rarity had the sense to realize that I would not be in the mood to be a fashion model for her this trip, and even Rainbow Dash agreed to wait until the following day for some flying time. Spike had organized an Ogres & Oubliettes full-immersion game though with Discord. You might think I’d want to avoid a battle-themed game after fighting a real one so recently, but because the only consequence for a ‘death’ in the game was disappointment, I could enjoy the challenge along with Discord’s special effects. I managed to get Steady involved in the game too. He was a bit leery of the draconequus, but he mellowed as the adventure proceeded. I found that my attitude towards Discord had improved also. I was beginning to truly understand him now, and I realized that a being of Chaos needed to be kept involved and entertained to keep him from being annoying. His recent attempt to help with the Tirek situation had been motivated by friendship, especially with Fluttershy, and I think the Element Bearers had been vindicated in their decision to release him from his bondage shortly before I had arrived in Equestria. As I had said to others before – Discord was not an evil being. Just don’t let him get bored! Several days later, the Ponyville Town Hall thronged with ponies, both noble and common, there to attend a ceremony to honor those instrumental in vanquishing one of the greatest threats to the realm in centuries. As the site of the victory, this town was chosen over Canterlot to be the venue for the celebration, but many important lords and ladies still chose to travel to this small community for the event. I stood among the crowd while both Princesses occupied the dais. Not only was I not needed to be at Trixie’s side, but I was one of the ponies for whom the crowd had come to see honored for their part in defeating Tirek. I would have preferred to just let it go as a highlight in history, but Equestrians loved their pomp and ceremony, and they wanted to see the heroes who had saved them from a terrible fate. I wasn’t given a choice in attending when both Trixie and Twilight ganged up on me and commanded me to attend. Pushy mares! Anyone would think they ruled this country or something. The Ponyville contingent was gathered close to the dais. Cloud Kicker and her volunteer pegasi were all there, as was Zecora. The zebra looked uncomfortable amidst the crowd around her. I knew she liked her solitary lifestyle, and she preferred dealing with only a few visitors occasionally. She was a little overwhelmed right now, but Equestria needed to publicly acknowledge the contribution she had made, so she had agreed to go along with it despite her normal predilections. Of special note was one unusual spectator. Discord stood beside Fluttershy, looking a little impatient as we all waited for the ceremony to begin. Ponies were giving him plenty of personal space, and I could hardly blame them. He had only agreed to come because Fluttershy had gently but persistently asked him to. The event began with a fanfare of trumpets by the Royal Guard. With the crowd’s attention now focused, Trixie stepped forward to start the ceremony. “Mares and gentlestallions, today we are gathered to honor those ponies by whose outstanding efforts, Equestria was saved from a foe that threatened every being, a fiend who regarded us as little more than a source of magic that he craved for the power that it gave him. Tirek was a true monster, draining ponies of the magic that they needed to survive, and then left them to suffer. Many were too helpless to even do anything as simple as drink or eat, or get to shelter. Tragically, many ponies died as a consequence, and the Crown extends its deepest sympathies to those who lost loved ones.” Twilight then stepped up beside Trixie and continued the speech. “However, today we celebrate those whose actions saved many more from that sad fate. Knowing full well that they could be badly injured or even killed, they nevertheless took action against Tirek at his most powerful and won the day. For this, Equestria can never fully repay them, but we can give recognition for their courage and loyalty. The first that we honor today is the stallion whose bold strategy worked where others had failed – a pony who didn’t merely give orders but who led the offensive and nearly paid the ultimate price for it. Mares and gentlestallions, I give you Lord Mark Wells.” That was my cue. I stepped up onto the podium as the crowd cheered, even those who had never met or seen me before. It was a little daunting. I stopped in front of the Princesses and Trixie held up a medallion in the glow of her magic. She gave me a proud smile and I gave her a nod in acknowledgement. She then spoke up for the benefit of those listening. “Lord Wells, in recognition for your victory and loyalty, the Diarchs of Equestria proclaim you to be Knight of the Realm, and by this token hold authority only second to the Crown.” As she moved closer, I saw that the platinum disk had the raised images of the day and night alicorns chasing each other. A row of stars were similarly embossed in circles inside and outside the two figures. She then placed the medallion around my neck. I was shocked. They hadn’t told me about this part. I had only expected the medal that the others would be getting. Why had they done this? I had never wanted this much authority. I was quite happy just being Trixie’s advisor. The princesses weren’t finished yet though. Twilight spoke up next. “Sir Mark Wells, I am honored to bestow upon you the Pink Heart of Courage for your bravery in the face of the enemy.” She levitated the second ribbon around my neck. I was too stunned for words. I could only give them a deep respectful bow. “Please stand beside us as we honor those who helped bring about this momentous victory,” Trixie commanded me. I took up my familiar spot beside my Princess as she and Twilight turned to face the audience. Twilight said, “Even the boldest plan needs the help of others to bring it to fulfilment. The potion that Sir Mark Wells delivered to such great effect was brewed by someone who once was feared but is now respected for her skills in creating medicines and salves that have improved our lives. I call upon Zecora the shaman to step up.” The zebra joined us on stage accompanied by cheers and hoof-stomps. While they were not as loud as mine, they were still respectable and heartfelt. Trixie levitated a ribbon around her neck. “We bestow upon you the Pink Heart of Courage and name you Royal Potion-Maker to the Court.” Zecora gave a short bow and replied, “I thank you for this honor grand. Your loyal servant is at your command.” Twilight indicated that Zecora step to one side of the dais and Trixie then said, “Next, we call upon those ponies who helped distract and harass Tirek so that the plan of attack could be brought to a successful conclusion. First, I call upon the members of the Ponyville weather team who knew that they had no chance of winning against Tirek, but nevertheless attacked him so that the monster’s method of fighting could be observed and countered in the final offensive. Two of them provided a crucial blow that bought valuable time. The valor of these eighteen ponies is unsurpassed in all of Equestria, and for that, we award them the Pink Heart of Courage. First, I call upon the leader of the team, Cloud Kicker, to step up.” The lavender-coated mare came up while the crowd applauded to receive her medal from Twilight and then moved over to join Zecora. Trixie then continued with the rest of the team. “Blossomforth!” “Open Skies!” “Thunderlane!” “Clear Skies!” “Sunshower!” “Parasol!” “Icy Rain!” And so forth. Finally, all the pegasi involved in the offensive had received their medals and I thought that we were finished, but Twilight stepped forward to take over the speech. “While the ponies whom we just honored were responsible for the victory over Tirek, many others fought with great dedication before the enemy reached Ponyville. One, in particular, was instrumental in slowing down Tirek’s advance before he also succumbed to the monster. This person had little reason to fight for us, and yet he did so in the name of the friendship that had been extended to him. While he has had a checkered past, he has proven that he is one of us. I call upon Lord Discord to join us on this stage.” The crowd was stunned, and even I was taken by surprise. Discord’s jaw hit the floor – literally – before he gathered it back up and said incredulously, “Me?!” Twilight nodded. “Please step up, Discord.” The stunned draconequus stepped up onto the stage and Twilight levitated a medal up to him. With it settled on his shoulders, Twilight said, “Congratulations, my friend.” Unlike with the rest of the recipients, the audience just murmured in surprise. I stamped one hoof and then raised my forelegs to loudly clap my hooves. First one, then more and more ponies joined in. Eventually, everypony was clapping and a smile grew wide on Discord’s face. Trixie waited for the applause to die down before thanking all the honorees and ending the ceremony. Eventually, it was just the two Princesses, myself, and Discord left on the dais. I think Trixie was ready to leave, but I was watching the draconequus as he turned to Twilight. “Was this your idea, Princess?” he asked. “Yes, but Trixie and the Element Bearers all approved my nomination.” “But still you were the one to bring it up. You truly are the Princess of Friendship.” He snapped his claws and a medallion appeared around the purple alicorn’s neck. It was a golden circular disk with Twilight’s cutie mark embossed in tapered wedges of white and pink jewels. She lifted it with a hoof to read the inscription on it. “Best Princess.” Twilight grinned. “Thanks, Discord.” “You’re welcome. And now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a certain yellow pegasus whom I plan to celebrate with.” In a flash, he and Fluttershy were gone. “That was a wonderful thing to do,” I said to Twilight. The mare shook her head. “He earned it. I would not have believed it was possible when we first met, but he has learned the meaning of friendship and it needed to be acknowledged.” “Looks to me that worked both ways,” I said, pointing at her medallion. She giggled. “Yes, I suppose you’re right.” Then she paused and her eyes widened. “Could it be…?” she said so softly that I barely heard her. She then leapt off the dais, calling out to our friends. “Rarity! Applejack! Rainbow! Pinkie! Find Fluttershy! I think I’ve got my token!” I turned to Trixie and we exchanged puzzled glances. “This I gotta see.” She nodded. “Follow them, Remark Fells.” As we hastened to chase after the mares, I said, “By the way, nice of you to get my name right for once, even if it was just my surname.” “Trixie does not know what you’re talking about,” she replied. I chuckled. Yeah, sure. As we all guessed, Fluttershy was back at her cottage and she and Discord were celebrating with tea and cucumber sandwiches. She was a little surprised at the unexpected invasion. “Wh-what’s going on?” the shy pegasus asked uncertainly. “I think I’ve gotten my Friendship token!” Twilight exclaimed. “Oh. That’s nice.” “What the heck are you talking about, Twilight?” I asked. “That’s right – we haven’t told you yet,” the purple alicorn replied. “We recently figured out that we weren’t getting literal keys to the box. Instead, we have been receiving tokens as a result of embodying our Elements, such as a spool of thread for Rarity and a coin for Applejack. All the other girls got some token too for living up to the Element that they represent while under difficult circumstances, and now I think I’ve gotten mine from Discord.” “Yay me!” the draconequus said with a grin. “So, what happens now?” Trixie asked. “We take our tokens to the Tree,” Twilight replied. “Girls, go fetch yours.” Three mares scattered to grab their tokens. Fluttershy took her flower down from the shelf where she had left it, and Pinkie pulled Boneless, the rubber chicken she had received from Cheese Sandwich, from her mane. She explained that she had gotten an odd twitch and shimmy that morning that told her that she would be needing it. We weren’t kept waiting long by the others, and then we started to head off into the Everfree Forest to visit the Tree of Harmony. Discord was too impatient though, so he teleported us all to the cave. The six-sided box was there just as we had left it weeks ago. “So – now what?” Applejack asked. “There’s some way to use these tokens to open the box – I’m certain of it,” Twilight said, holding hers up. “They still ain’t exactly keys,” the apple mare pointed out. “Maybe you could transform them into keys like Trixie transmutes things into teacups?” I suggested, earning me a dig in the ribs from the blue faux alicorn. Trixie frowned at me. “If these items are the literal keys to Equestria’s future, the last thing you want to do is have me try to transform them.” Twilight shook her head. “Trixie’s right. Besides, something that is earned by earth ponies or pegasi should not need to be altered by unicorn magic.” “Or alicorn magic?” I asked. “No, that’s the same thing in this case. And if it was easy as that, we could have made keys from just about anything.” We fell silent as we all stared at the pile of ordinary objects that sat on the ground in front of us, completely at a loss for what to do from this point. Pinkie grabbed the rubber chicken, stood on her hind legs, and thrust it above her head dramatically. She lowered her voice a couple of octaves. “Oh, Great Tree of Harmony. We, your humble servants...” Rainbow Dash snorted. Twilight gave her a glare but Pinkie continued, “...present to you these offerings in the name of Friendship! Take them! Take them and rejoice!” She then spun the rubber chicken by the neck for a moment before letting it go. Boneless flew majestically towards the tree and hit dead center over the Element of Magic star. It squeaked once and slid... well... bonelessly down the trunk. Everyone just stared. Trixie said, “Well, we tried.” Discord scratched his head. “I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.” Trixie looked up to him. “Why choose just one?” He grinned. “Excellent idea!” Discord proceeded to point a claw at Pinkie, close his eyes and laugh uproariously. Seconds later, streams of tears poured from him as he sobbed. Fluttershy floated up to look him in the eye. “Discord! That isn’t very nice!” He stopped immediately and shrank a bit. His clawed hand fidgeted with his medallion. “Sorry, Fluttershy... Pinkie Pie. Still kind of new to this whole ‘friendship’ thing.” Pinkie bounced on her hooves. “No problemo, Discordo!” Twilight rubbed her chin with a hoof. “Maybe we have to touch our token to the Element that we each represent.” “Nothin’ easier,” said Applejack. Flipping her bit in a forehoof. “Y’all watch this.” With that, she flipped the golden coin extra high, turned around, and with a confident grin lashed out a rear hoof. The coin sailed through the air, passing cleanly over the crystal knot in the tree containing her jewel. The orange mare scowled and started to gallop around the tree. “Horseapples. Now Ah gotta go find it.” Rarity levitated her spool and it started to drift forward. “Betcha can’t hit it from here.” The alabaster unicorn looked over at Rainbow Dash as her spool hovered in place. “This isn’t a contest, darling.” “Not yet.” The blue pegasus glanced at me then whispered something into Rarity’s ear for a few seconds. They stared at each other and Rainbow increased her smile fractionally and nodded. The fashionista looked back at her jewel and narrowed her eyes. The spool made a couple of test movements towards the tree before she let it fly. The token arced gracefully towards its target, only to clink off of one of the white crystalline balls hanging from just underneath her target. The milky sphere swung back and forth for a moment on the blue vines that attached it to the branches. All eyes turned to look at the increasingly jittery mare as the sound of her failure clacked on the stones on its way towards the back of the cave. “Definitely more like laughing now,” Discord said. Then his eyes went wide. Slowly, he focused a very unamused stare at Twilight, his lips pulled into a tight frown. “Ah, heh, heh, heh,” tittered the purple alicorn nervously. “I think I’ll just place my token against the Element of Magic...gently.” Discord’s scowl only got more pronounced as she slowly flapped to the center of the tree. With deliberate care, the mare placed her amulet against the star. Pinkie gasped... but nothing else happened. I heard a scoff from my left. “You guys just aren’t doing it right. Heads up, Twilight!” The purple mare looked back just in time to see the Wonderbolt pin flying her direction. With a cry, she dove out of the way. It clanked off the topmost knot, bounced off two lower branches, and careened towards the crystal chest. A golden glow shot out from the box, stopping the pin in midair. It spun around three times, transforming into a golden key that slid into one of the keyholes in the chest. “I did it,” said the blue pegasus, her eyes and mouth wide. “I figured it out. I did.” “Trixie thinks luck played more of a—” the faux alicorn said, only to be cut off. The Element of Loyalty was already airborne, circling the Tree of Harmony with her trademark rainbow streak flowing in the air behind her. “I...” She circled again. “AM.” Once more. “AWESOME!” The last word was drawn out as she rocketed out the cave, into the ravine, then straight upwards. The echoes of her exuberant cry were audible for some time as they bounced off the rocky surfaces. “Do you think she’s coming back?” asked Fluttershy. I nodded. “If for no other reason than to brag some more.” Twilight practically pranced in place. “Quick everypony! Bring your tokens over to the chest!” In quick succession, Fluttershy’s flower, Pinkie’s rubber chicken, and Twilight’s amulet were likewise grabbed in the same golden glow, spun, and turned into keys that fit other openings in the chest. Rainbow Dash flew in to land next to the box. “Hey, girls! Did you see what I did there? How I cracked the puzzle that even our resident Royal Egghead couldn’t figure out?” I heard “Heads up!” from somewhere else in the cave. Twilight looked up and immediately ducked out of the way as a golden coin fell right where she had been. Just before it hit the chest, it was brought to a halt by the aura and seconds later a new key fit into the chest. A grinning Applejack trotted up. “Hah! Second time’s the charm!” Despite the near miss, Twilight was still grinning from ear to ear. “Girls, we’ve done it! Now all that remains is to unlock it. I think we have to do this together!” The mares each grabbed the key that had been their token. Twilight said, “Ready, on three.” “Ummm…” said Fluttershy. “One…” “Ummm…” repeated Fluttershy. “Two…” “Hey! Where’s Rarity?” asked Rainbow Dash. The fashionista’s sing-song voice came from the furthest end of the cavern. “Just one minnnuuuute!” The roughly teardrop shape of the cavern meant that the unicorn was now near the locus of the egg-shaped chamber. I couldn’t help myself. “Rarity! That sounds great! Just like you are on stage at a concert hall! Keep on singing!” Trixie stepped on my hoof. “No, don’t! You can follow your musical career later. We just need the token for now!” Rarity sang back. “Oooooh, just abouuuuut, darrrrlinnnnnnng! Therrrrrrre’s the spOOOoool!” Apparently, she decided the tasks were not mutually exclusive. Everypony smiled but those smiles faded after it became apparent that there was no follow up clopping of hooves approaching. Applejack said, “Rarity? Why ain'tcha hustlin’ back pronto?” A disapproving pause was followed by, “I was gifted the spool and the thread, which has come… well… completely unwound. Patience, please.” The five mares at the chest looked at each other uncomfortably. Discord, Trixie, and I were trying hard not to laugh. Eventually, Fluttershy dropped her hoof off of her key. “So… umm… Twilight. I understand you went to give a pep talk to the Canterlot Comets?” “What? Oh, yes! I gave them a motivational speech during halftime. Who knew that Canterlot had a professional hoofball team?” Rainbow coughed. “Really, Twilight? They’ve been in existence for eighty years. How long did you live in Canterlot, again?” The purple alicorn’s ears drooped. “Well… my whole life before I came to Ponyville.” She shuffled her hooves. “I guess I was a little focused on my studies.” “Ya think?” said Applejack. This was followed by more silence that was broken by Pinkie pointing upwards. “Look at that! The thread is still hanging off of some of those crystal chandelier type things up there, too.” I squinted. Sure enough, the thread could be seen hanging down on both sides of one of the vines under Rarity’s element, perhaps caught on one of the crystal spheres. Rainbow growled, “I hate waiting,” and flew over to the hanging string. “Don’t break it!” exclaimed all the remaining mares at the chest. “Not gonna,” the blue pegasus replied. She traced the part of the string that went straight down until she found the end. Gripping that in her hoof, she moved to within a couple of feet of the chest before the thread went taut. “Hey, Rarity! Give me some slack!” “I’m sorry, what was that?” was the answer called back and Rarity stopped spinning the spool in her magic. The thread sagged a bit. “Perfect! Thanks!” Rainbow Dash pulled the thread a few inches closer and the end glowed gold and rose off of her hoof. A sparking, golden flare raced up the thread towards the tree, leaving a thick glowing line of magic behind. Rainbow turned around to face her friend. “Rarity, look out!” “What?” Just then, the unicorn saw the golden ball of magical fire racing directly towards her from where it made a sharp turn high in the tree. With a scream, she jumped back and released the spool from her magic. Like the five other tokens, the spool spun around three times, warping into a golden key. “Yes!” yelled the Element of Loyalty. “I did it! Once again I—” Rarity’s key rocketed along the rope of magic into the tree, only to become tangled in two of the blue vines that hung under the knot containing Rarity’s cutie mark. The vines and attached white spheres leaned towards the chest and the cable of magic that led to it but made no further progress. “Awwwww! Come on!” complained Rainbow Dash. Trixie and I fell over ourselves laughing. I heard a cranking noise and turned to see Discord speaking into an antique wall-mounted phone, the candlestick receiver held over one ear. “Hello? … Yes, is this Harmony? … Can we order a new set of Element Bearers, please? This set is defective.” Trixie and I howled while the other mares glared at us… all but Fluttershy who hid her smile behind her mane. Rarity trotted up to the chest just as Rainbow Dash finished untangling the key from the tree. It quickly found its way to the box and slid into the lone remaining slot. Applejack frowned at the purple alicorn. “Twilight, Ah hold ya personally responsible fer what we’re all gonna endure for years.” The Element of Magic blinked. “What?” Rainbow swooped down to her place amongst the girls. “Did you see that? Rainbow saves the day once again! I tell you, without me, none of this would have happened, probably ever! I mean, I get it that we’re all equal here, but is it possible to be the greatest of all equals?” “That,” replied the farm pony. Twilight’s eyelid twitched once. She took a deep breath and smiled, looking around at her friends. “OK, girls. All together! One… Two… Three!” The mares each grasped a key and turned it. A rainbow beam burst from the top of the box to strike the Element of Magic embedded in the Tree. From there, it spread amongst its branches to the other Elements, lighting them all up in turn. Then each shone forth to envelop each of its Bearers, filling them with its power. I could barely look at them as they levitated into the air, bursting with the magic of Harmony. When the glare died down, I could see each of the six had been transformed with rainbow colors, enhanced manes and tails, and replications of their cutie marks. Garish but damn impressive! “Whoa! What’s happened?” Trixie asked. Twilight observed her friends’ appearance and that of her own. “I think… from the way that I feel… we now embody our Elements.” “It figures,” I said. “We could have used this when Tirek was doing his thing.” Twilight chuckled. “I suppose we could have, but then you would never have had the chance to show how much of a hero you could be. By the way, why are you Marklestia right now?” I blinked and then looked down at my legs. White. “Huh? How did that happen? I didn’t intend to change.” “It’s all this Harmony magic, darling,” Rarity spoke up. “You’re as much in tune with it as us, remember? Substitute Element of Magic?” “Makes sense to me,” Twilight said with a smile. I then noticed that Discord was shaking like a leaf. “I can’t stand it!” He snapped his claws and was covered in bright light. When it faded, he was wearing an incredibly ostentatious tuxedo with every color of the rainbow in stripes across the bow tie, cummerbund, lapels, sleeves and pant legs. He continued in a dramatic tone while holding a paw to his forehead. “The fashion peer pressure! It was just too much for me to stand!” Looking over at Trixie, I saw she was now wearing some sort of sundress with a ginormous hat, also with rainbow stripes everywhere they shouldn’t be. At Trixie’s shocked look in my direction, I steeled myself to look back over my body. I probably shouldn’t have. I was dressed in a black G-string that was clearly visible through a rainbow-hued fishnet mini-dress. A multi-colored garter belt and pink hose did not make me feel any more covered. “Discord!” I boomed, doing a decent impression of the Royal Canterlot Voice. I had to be loud to be heard over Applejack’s laughter. “What?” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “Too conservative?” I narrowed my eyes. He sighed. “Fine.” After he snapped his claws again, I was in a standard wedding dress with a spiraling rainbow that started at my neckline and twisted about me three times before fanning out into my train. A bouquet of carnations of every color completed my ensemble. After looking myself over, I couldn’t believe it, but I said, “Better.” “Golly, Mark,” drawled Applejack. “Ya plannin’ on getting’ hitched to all the Elements today?” “Not better.” I returned to glaring at the draconequus. He rolled his eyes. “You mares and your picky, picky, picky.” After his next claw snap, my outfit matched Trixie’s. Good enough for now. Abruptly the whole cave started trembling and a burst of power came from the Tree of Harmony. The box and its keys flew upwards and smashed through the roof of the cave, disappearing in a rainbow streak. We stood there stunned, not knowing what the heck was happening. “Does anypony else think that we should be following that box?” I asked. “Good idea!” Twilight said as she lit up her horn. Moments later, we had all been teleported to the outskirts of Ponyville. From there, we could not miss the newest addition to the landscape on the other side of town – a huge crystal tree-shaped castle. As we stared at it, the girls’ forms reverted to their old selves, and I hastily changed back to my stallion body, hoping that I hadn’t been noticed by any visitors to the township. “Ahem!” I got Discord’s attention. After he snickered once at the sight of a stallion in an ill-fitting dress, he made the clothing on himself disappear and Trixie and I reverted to our previous garments. “Sweet Celestia! Where’d that castle come from?” exclaimed Rainbow Dash. “A gift from the Tree, perchance?” Rarity replied. “But whose is it?” Twilight asked. Rainbow Dash lifted off the ground and crossed her forelegs across her chest. “Well, since I was the driving force behind solving the mystery of the crystal box of mysteriousness, and I had the biggest hoof in getting two of the tokens to transform, it’s clearly mine. I’m gonna call it, ‘Rainbow’s Monument to Awesomeness Castle’.” Applejack glared at Twilight. The alicorn’s ear twitched and she said, “I guess that means you’ll be giving up your home and will be ground-bound from now on. You’ll probably be spending all your time cleaning it.” The blue pegasus waved a forehoof lazily. “On second thought, I don’t really like the colors all that much.” Discord laughed and looked at Twilight. “Isn’t it obvious, Princess? It’s yours!” “Ah think Discord’s got the right of it, sugah,” Applejack opined. “Of course it’s yours, silly!” Pinkie exclaimed. “And now we have to have a castle-warming party!” Twilight blinked. “I suppose all of you are right. Let’s check it out.” We walked towards it, passing several stunned residents of Ponyville and some bemused tourists along the way. Spike was one of the former and he joined our party. I explained what had happened as we headed for the main doors and entered the castle. We all gaped at the huge foyer that eventually led to a large round room that contained several thrones made from the same crystal as the castle. The high backs of six of them were adorned with the cutie marks of the six Element Bearers, while a smaller one next to Twilight’s was bare of markings, although it was obvious whose it was. “Sweet! I get a chair too!” Spike exclaimed. “It’s interesting how they’re arranged so that we would all be facing each other,” Twilight pointed out. “I don’t need no high-falootin’ throne,” Applejack declared, a slight curl on her lip. “Well, I think that they are perfectly marvelous!” Rarity replied as she flounced up to hers and hopped upon it. The cutie mark on the back of the chair lit up. Pinkie Pie pronked onto hers with a similar effect. “I don’t think I deserve a throne,” Fluttershy almost whispered. Discord strode up to Twilight, rubbing his chin. “Hmmmmm... I suppose it is a step up from the old place, but I just don’t know if it was worth trading away the medallion I spent so much time conjuring up from nothingness.” Twilight laughed and pulled one of Discord’s legs into a wing hug (he was rather tall). “Oh, Discord! Now, whenever I see the pink crystal in these walls, I’ll be reminded of our friendship.” Discord’s mouth opened a bit in surprise and then he smiled broadly, even wiping a tear away. “While you’re all staring at some chairs, I’m gonna explore the rest of this place!” Rainbow Dash streaked away. I looked at Twilight and said, “I’m with Dash. I think we should check out this new home of yours.” The purple alicorn looked uncertain. “I don’t know if I could call it a home, Mark. Oh, it’s beautiful, but it seems a bit… cold to me.” “You just miss your library still, don’t you?” She nodded glumly. “Best to keep your mind off it then. You’ve been given a magnificent gift, Princess – one that undoubtedly has exciting potential, considering its source. Shall we see what we can discover right now?” I waved a hoof in the general direction of Rainbow Dash’s exit and gave Twilight an encouraging smile. The alicorn hesitantly returned it before replying. “You’re right, Mark. I already have so many questions.” “Consider this to be a test then, and the right answers will get you an A+.” Twilight grinned and her eyes gleamed. If there was one thing that mare loved, it was acing a quiz! # # # # # # # # #