The prince, as Apple Bloom, held on tightly to Scootaloo. He discovered that little ponies smelled subtly different. He also noticed that Scootaloo was even faster than she had appeared. With rapidly beating wings, they were traveling at an entirely uncomfortably fast pace through town. The other ponies were a blur of shapes as he held onto her for dear life.
With the sound of skidding, they came to a stop.
"Hey! Is that Apple Bloom?" Sweetie Belle was seated on her haunches, looking quite perplexed. "Wow, you practically bounced back from nothing."
Scootaloo stepped down from her scooter with Apple Bloom attached to her. "Uh, we're stopped. Why are you so edgy?"
Sweetie Belle gasped loudly. "Maybe she's shy because she just got hurt and she's scared." She hopped up to her hooves and sprang towards Apple Bloom. "It's alright, your friends are here!"
The prince forced himself to release Scootaloo. "Ah'm fine, promise. Uh, what are we doin' today?"
Sweetie tilted her head. "You forgot? I mean, I guess that isn't that surprising..." She turned and pointed at a humble-looking house. "We're here for him."
Scootaloo nodded softly. "We never helped someone so old before, but..."
The house looked familiar. The prince tried to place it desperately as the other two went right up to the door and knocked on it. Would he be helping some adult pony get their cutie mark?
"Who is it?!" called a gruff male voice. The door's top swung open and a donkey's head came into view. Cranky eyed the three crusaders. "Someone lost their kids."
Matilda's head came into view beside his. "Oh, the crusaders. I called them, darling."
"What fer?!" He was scowling at them. "I don't deal with anyone's kids."
Matilda gently poked him from behind, turning into a soft petting that seemed to take the edge off of him. "I asked them to come and talk to you, dear. You need a purpose, besides being my husband, as lovely as that is."
"Yeah?" He hiked a brow at her. "What's yer purpose?"
She sank to her haunches. "Well, to be fair, we'll let them talk to both of us. A little outside perspective could be good for both of us."
Sweetie and Scootaloo shared a look before glancing back at the prince with a communal shrug. He smiled a little. This was looking a little nuts, but he was intrigued. "Don't you worry none. We'll figure thin's out. Let's all head inside and get all comfortable like."
The lower part of the door swung outwards and they all headed inside. Soon they were in the living room, crusaders scattered about the room with the couple side-by-side on the sofa. Matilda gestured a hoof at a tray. "Have a cookie if you'd like."
None of the enterprising foals turned it down, even the one only wearing the body. It was a sweet treat that tasted mildly of pumpkin. As she chewed, not-Apple Bloom began to talk, getting crumbs on the floor. "So! Let's start with Matilda." He didn't know much about Matilda, but he was curious. "What did you do, when you were younger?"
She laughed gently at that. "I had a long and successful career, but I've put that behind myself." She gestured at Cranky and then herself. "We're both retired. Therein lies the challenge."
Sweetie tilted her head. "If you're retired..."
"--Doesn't that mean you already won?" finished Scootaloo tilting her head the other way.
Cranky waved at the two of them. "See? We don't need any stupid purposes. We already did that. Thanks for coming, you can go now."
The prince bounced forward. He didn't want to give up that easily. "Just because you're retired doesn't mean you have to give up on doin' anythin' at all! Yer still alive, so ya wanna do thin's, right? What do you like to do?"
Matilda put a hoof at her chest. "I enjoy attending the social functions of the town. Watching the ponies of Ponyville compete and make merry makes me happy in turn. I enjoy being a friend and a bright spot in what might be a dull day." She leaned forward, fluttering her long lashes. "You can think of me as a more sedate Pinkie Pie if you'd like."
The prince doubted Matilda could hold a candle to the terrible wonder that was Pinkie Pie. "That's somethin', an' you?" She looked to Cranky with a big smile on his little filly face.
He grunted softly, going quiet a moment with only little grumbles before he reached for Matilda with one hoof. "I have all I need right here." He pulled her close. "My best and closest friend."
"Close enough you put a ring on them." She kissed his cheek gently and they softly laughed and nuzzled, looking quite happy for a small time.
Sweetie awwed appreciatively. "I hope when I get married I'm that happy..."
Scootaloo stuck out her tongue. "Not sure I'm up for that sappy stuff, but alright..." She pointed at Matilda. "You enjoy group settings and hanging out with others." She pointed at Cranky. "And you want to be with her."
"And no one else," he added with a grunt.
"Aw, don't be like that." She gently nuzzled one of his ears. "You've had fun before..."
"They sometimes have food I like," he admitted with a soft shrug, looking unconvinced.
"I understand you." All eyes turned to not-Apple Bloom. "Really, ah do." He put a hoof on his chest. "You're in a big crowd, all the eyes. They all run on rules you don't... always get and everyone else seems to get it like it's nothin'. Then they get angry when you don't get it. They never gave a manual for this, but they expect you to just... know it, always judging and frowning. Makes you wanna frown right back at 'em!"
Cranky's head slowly tilted at the almost-ranting little filly. "I, uh... yeah... kinda like that. I mean, Matilda gets me, you know." He leaned against her gently. "She never gets upset with me over something stupid, so we can be mad at important things."
Matilda rolled her eyes softly. "Or we could try not being angry at all?"
"Feh."
Sweetie leaned in towards the prince. "Where did that come from? Nevermind, we're onto something!"
Scootaloo nodded in vigorous agreement. "It's alright, Cranky. We're not here to judge."
"I mean technically." Sweetie rubbed behind her head a little. "But we're not here to be mad or make fun of any...creature. We want to help!"
Matilda nodded towards the three small ponies. "Yes, hon, they only want to help, if you'll let them."
"What if I don't want to be helped. Pinkie tried to help me once before, turned out--"
"--She brought me," reminded Matilda. "It didn't end that badly.
"... Yeah... there is that..." He shrank a little and huffed out a low sigh. "Alright, I'm listenin'."
The prince bobbed his little head, ears erect and directed at Cranky. "I get it, really. After tryin' to play that game so many times, you jus'... kinda want to be left alone. It's less painful to, you know..." He shuffled on his little hooves. "Better to not play than to keep losing all the time. It really isn't fair..." He was lost in his own thoughts, rambling, "people don't even see when you're trying so hard."
"Y-yeah..." Cranky lifted an ear briefly at Apple Bloom. "How? I mean, you have friends." He pointed to Scootaloo and Sweetie in a broad wave. "Yer talkin' like you ain't had no one. I mean, really, you even have a family and they love you."
"Apple Bloom has those thin's!" he spouted before turning cherry red. All eyes were on him. "I mean, uh, sorry. I was... usin' a therapy technique ah read about." She laughed nervously, a hoof behind her head just behind her ribbon. "To understand a pony, you have to step into their hooves, right? Sorry, got kinda carried away there."
Sweetie Belle coughed into a hoof. "Regardless, I think we have a better understanding of the situation, and you, Cranky. I, for one, welcome you just as you are. I think a lot of ponies would be happy to do the same."
Scootaloo bobbed her head. "Yeah! I mean, you're a little cranky, but that's literally your name. It's cool." She waved it off like it wasn't a big deal. "We came over today just as quickly as we would for anyone else."
Matilda leaned back against him. "And that was very nice of you all. What do you recommend?"
The prince looked at Cranky directly, matching his eyes. "What do you want, more than to be left alone? More than even her?" He pointed at Matilda with a thrust of a little hoof. "What do you really want? What... are you too scared to think about so you just... hide?"
"I don't hide!" he hotly defended, hopping up to his hooves. "Now look here. Just 'cause you read some fancy head shrinkin' books or whatever doesn't make you no expert." With an angry snort, he pointed to the door. "I think we've talked enough for one day."
All three fillies shrank at the blunt dismissal. He had messed that up, even in a disguise. Some part of him had thought, riding Apple Bloom, he would be able to muddle through. It had worked before... Maybe... "Come on, girls."
Sweetie nodded at Matilda. "You have a nice day, both of you."
"If you want to try again, let us know." Scootaloo joined the retreating and defeated crusaders.
They met up just outside. Matilda was in the doorway, the bottom closed, the top opened. "I'm sorry about that. He's not really angry... I'll calm him down. If you're willing, I really would like to try again." She gave a gentle and unsure smile. "I think he could be happier, and if I can do that for him, I want to."
"Are you still talking to them? How much do you owe them?!" came Cranky's voice from inside.
"Just a moment." She coiled on herself and produced a small pouch that she set down just outside the house. "Here you are, for your trouble today. Thank you, all of you." Even as the crusaders waved, she retreated inside, the door closing behind her.
Scootaloo turned to Apple Bloom. "I don't know what book you read, but it didn't really work."
"I have to agree." Sweetie nodded her head. "You just made him more defensive. I mean, kudos for your attempt." Her little horn glowed as she picked up the bag and nodded. "For the crusader fund." Without even thinking about it, she took some out and held it towards Apple Bloom.
The prince accepted his curse-given share and tucked it away. "Sorry. I was..." He felt increasingly awkward. He had fallen into the trap he had just been describing. He broke a rule in that dense text of human, or pony, interaction. The rules he'd never been allowed to see, just expected to follow.
"It's alright." Sweetie patted the prince's back gently. "We all have our off days. We tried. We won't be defeated by one sour customer."
"Got that right!" Scootaloo thrust out a hoof towards them. Sweetie's hoof joined it an instant later.
The prince hesitated a moment before reaching out more timidly, tapping his little hoof against theirs. That felt nice and he smiled. He wasn't alone, even if it was with a borrowed identity. "Well, that's done... What's next?"
Sweetie pointed off. "Well, for you, you have to get back to the farm. If your sister finds out you weren't doing official crusader business and didn't come to help with the harvest, she'd be really annoyed."
Scootaloo trotted towards her scooter. "I can give you a lift if you want. We'll get there in a flash!"
A flash of terror was all that the prince could see, but there was little reason for Apple Bloom to say no.