//------------------------------// // I - The Proposal // Story: Five Crazy Trials to Date Pinkie Pie // by B_25 //------------------------------// ~ I ~ The Proposal “What happened to your eye?” At least she was concerned. “Lost a fight back at the bar. Do we have any extra coffee left?” “Machine's still on in the kitchen.” I'd stepped into the living room of the castle. Twilight was sitting on the sofa closet to the fireplace, a book between her legs, a cup of coffee hovering in her magic. “Help yourself to the rest of it.” So I did. I came back into the living room cradling my cup of caffeine. I took the couch on the opposite end of Twilight. We didn't say anything at first. Sitting around was what we did first. Twilight and I were smart. Well, she was loads more intelligent than me—but that's not the point. We were smart, not social. We could be at times. Anypony else, we'd throw our minds at them. Talking about whatever, gauging similar interests—sometimes it could be a game for us, trying to hit a perfect discourse. Weird how talking to others was made into a game, but then again, Twilight and I were plenty of weird in our own right. “So... what did you do today?” “Besides the fight?” “Besides the fight.” I thought about it. I'd woken up and skipped the shower, sitting in my room and looking at books. I meant to read some of them—books recommended by Twilight, though I never willed myself to read them. Gaze at their spines? Sure. I did that plenty. Imagine myself reading them? Only all the time. Actually reading them? Rarely. “Cleaned around the library, I suppose.” I leaned back into the sofa, sighing in relief as I sunk into the softness, something which my sore and beaten back appreciated. “Chased down on some late check-outs only to end up renewing the books.” I sipped my coffee. “Everypony had a good reason. Or their good reason was a lie, anyway." “At least ponies are reading books,” Twilight said. “At least ponies are reading books,” I said. And that's about how most of our interactions went. That's how we talked. Wasn't our fault. We didn't have a whole lot to talk about. Sometimes, we tried learning things the other liked so we'd have something to discuss, to bridge this gap between us. But nothing worked. The air always became awkward, and even when we cleared it, we'd just retire to our rooms. “Say, can I ask for a favor?” “May.” “Pardon?” “You're asking for my permission something.” Twilight looked up from her book, though when she saw my confused face, her stoic expression softened. “It's not a matter of you being able to do something; it's a matter of me allowing you to do something. You would use the word may instead of can.” “Oh, right.” I shook my head. “It's always the small things screwing me up.” “The small things become everything, Spike,” Twilight said. “And watch the language when you're inside the castle!” “Right right, my bad.” Bad. I felt bad around Twilight. Moments like these made showed that I was failing her, that I had failed her, that her teaching and wisdom were wasted on a fool unable to learn. When Starlight became her student, I was happy, happy because Starlight wouldn't screw up can and may. “So may I ask you for a favor?” Twilight looked guilty for a second. “You may.” “Can I... may I have some time off this week?” I asked her, being quick to take another sip. “Just a few days. Or a day.” I exhaled. “Or however much time you're willing to give me.” Twilight tilted her head quizzically. “Are you going away somewhere?” “What? No!” I said, blinking. “Well, maybe. I don't know.” “You don't want the time just to sit around in your room, do you?” “No," I replied. "Just wanna ask a mare out on a date.” “D-Date?!” Twilight exclaimed as her thighs squeezed together, closing her book. “You're going to date a mare? Who?! Who is it?” She sat straight. “Oh my! Did Rarity finally say yes? Was that why you got into a fight at the bar?” “Nah, none of that.” I waved my claw dismissively. “That was just Mac and I going at it. He was kind enough to give me some dating advice after beating my face in.” “I swear, Spike, when will you just leave Mac alone?” Twilight shook her head. “I'll have to have a talk about him with Applejack.” I wanted to tell Twilight how I started the fights, how I started all the matches, and how I lost all of the fights fair and square. She didn't believe that the first time. I doubted she'd believe it now. In her mind, I was innocent of most things. Even when did I screw up, there was a reason behind—reasons based on my physiologic or psychology and stuff like that. Sometimes, I wasn't sure if even Twilight believed all that. “He told me that I needed to start getting out more after the right,” I went on, staring into my cup. “Said that I gotta start going to places on my own, making friends on my own, and learning things for myself. Said I didn't stand a chance with Rarity without that.” “Listen, Spike. I like Big Mac. I really do!” I lifted my eyes to gaze at Twilight—she was staring at me back. “But that stallion hasn't been in many relationships himself. What he may think is good for you may not just be true. I doubt he said whatever he did to try and hurt you.” Twilight paused for a second as if she was searching for something in her mind. “You seem very troubled right now. Is everything okay with you?” I narrowed my eyes. “Of course everything is okay with me!” I glanced down my and along my chest. “I mean, I may be a tad sore from the fight. Definitely tipsy from the shots.” I looked back up at her. “Besides that, I'm fine.” “If you say so, Spike.” Twilight let her legs spread and the book open. “So what then? You wanted the time off to go try dating some mares?” Her purple lips curled into a smirk. “Just go walk about town down on your knees?” “Something like that.” I chuckled while my heart pricked. “I'd just wear a sign and offer some bits to the first mare that stopped.” I chuckled some more, shook my head some more, and felt something indescribable some more. “But... Nah. I don't think I have the guts to do that. Just going around town and asking mares out... heart's beating at the thought of it!” “So what are you going to do then?” Twilight replied. “Just date an imaginary mare and see how that goes?” I laughed at that one. “Not a bad idea, but no, that's not it.” I leaned forward to put my cup on the small table between Twilight and me, making sure to take a final, big gulp of coffee while I did so. “According to Big Mac, there's a mare in town that will date anypony. Pony, griffon, even dragon. Doesn't matter if they smart or suave.” Twilight scrunched her muzzle. “Wait. You're just going to date a mare that's willing to date everyone?” “Uh, I guess?” “Even though she's gone on countless dates?” “Maybe that's made her an expert on dating?” “Please, Spike,” Twilight replied. “Any mare who keeps going on dates probably is probably doing something wrong.” “Guess I can't fight your logic on that one.” I did though. I really did want to fight her on this one. But Twilight was smarter than me. She could beat me in any verbal fight. It was best to always follow in her logic. “But... I feel like I should still give it a try, y'know? Just get out there and do something.” “Go where and to do what?” “I... don't know.” “You won't get anywhere by not knowing anything.” Strangely enough, Twilight then offered my a smile. “But you obviously seem stressed and tired Spike. I... I know how much it can hurt not having somepony special at this stage in life.” She giggled in a way that hurt my ears to hear. “Just look at me! Nopony special has taken me yet, b-because I'll always have y-you, you and our friends to keep me company!” I let out a sigh heavier than a rest. “That's true. All of our friends are special to you.” “And to you,” Twilight said, still smiling. “So how about we make a new deal. I'll give you a few days off—but you can't spend them being lazy in your room!” She got up from the sofa, levitating the book behind her. “You can choose a friend to spend some time with. Maybe see if they can cheer you up!” Twilight walked up to the side of my couch, rearing up enough to kiss my cheek. “You know that I love you, right, Spike?” “I know you do.' “And that I'm always here for you?” “I know you are.” Twilight smiled in a way that seemed fake. “Go and take some dating books from the library.” Twilight walked past me and in the direction of the kitchen. “And rent them out properly! You need some experience with mares? You've been around us enough to know what we're like!” Her giggles echoed from well behind me. “Those books will give you the rest of that 'experience' that you need.” “Thanks, Twilight,” I said to her, before lowering my voice. “Because reading always scored you a guy.” “Did you say something!?” “N-No!” “Alright then!” Twilight's voice became louder as her hooves clopped back into the living room and behind my couch. “I'm off to bed, then. You coming up?” “Think I'll stay down here and get some reading down.” I turned and lifted my legs onto the sofa, lying back on it, staring up at the purple face peeking from overhead. “Been a while since I've slept down here anyway.” “If you say so.” Twilight leaned down to kiss my forehead—the contact reminded of me when I used to be a baby, and when her kisses mattered a lot more to me. “I'm heading up now. Please put out the fire before you go to bed.” She giggled as her neck pulled up. “We don't need a repeat of last time.” I chuckled. “Agreed.” Twilight went to leave but stopped by the doors of the living room. She looked back over her shoulder and at me. “Oh! Did you decide who you wanted to visit?” I couldn't stop the smile on my lips even if I wanted to. “Yeah,” I said. “Been a while since I've helped around Sugarcube Corner.” The next day came, and I was not ready for it. I could write a crappy book about all the reasons on how I wasn't ready. Twilight's stupid advice didn't help much either: read some dating books, and then you'll be a pro! What the heck does she know about love or dating or anything of that! All she did was get my heart beating quickly as I realized just how hard it was to get a mare. Appearance was the first thing. Attractiveness was the second thing. Character was the third thing if you didn't have the second thing, though the first thing could help you have the second thing—sort of. I dunno. My research material was mostly magazines; the kind that told me about the past affairs of Princess Celestia. Reading about how to get a mare ended up making me more afraid of Pinkie Pie. There were many reasons to be scared of Pinkie Pie. Just... never thought dating her would make my heart began to race. The magazine said my heart was supposed to do that because it meant I was in love. But I didn't love Pinkie. I was just scared of asking her out for... whatever reason. So I got drunk. I don't remember getting drunk, but I did and got into a fight that I won. I thought I won it. My snout was hurting. Maybe I didn't win that fight after all? Guess it didn't matter. What mattered was the water splashing against my face. “Wakey-wakey!” the voice sang as the rest of the water splashed against the ground. “And do a shaky-shaky! Hey ya, Spike!” “And good morning, afternoon, or evening to whoever you are!” I sat up, rubbing my eyes. “But... ugh, was the shower necessary?” “You wouldn't wake up, silly!” the voice was tinged with energy, invigorating me more than the coffee. “I tried poking you at first. Poke poke poke! I poked you all over, but nothing seemed to work! You're a real hard sleeper. You know that?” “I'm too asleep to notice.” “Oooooh! That was clever!” “Thanks.” I chuckled, finally opening my eyes. “I always try my best when... aw crud.” “Crud what?” Pinkie Pie said, looking around. “I don't see any crud around here!” She pulled a telescope away from her eyes—and pushing it against my own. “Do you see any crud around here? Maybe somepony named crud?” “All I see is griffon making out with a donkey,” I said, slowly tilting my head as I watch. “And they're getting into it. Whoa. They keep that up, and they just might make a kid in that alleyway.” “Spike!” The telescoped pulled away from my eye, something soft slapped my shoulder. Behind me, Pinke stood on top of some step.“You should know better than to peep on others. How would you like it if somepony choose to peep on us right now?” “They would just see us talking?” “How about they choose to peep on you while you were in your bedroom?!” “They would just see me sleeping?” “Good point.” Pinkie let the telescope collapsed into itself, stuffing it inside the recesses of her mane. “Guess there's nothing wrong with watching someone when they're not doing anything wrong.” She shook her head. “Or maybe it's wrong to do something wrong just because somepony else is doing something wrong!” I closed my left eye. “But isn't it wrong to do something wrong even if someone else isn't doing something wrong? Like, breaching privacy or something?” “That is so true!” Pinkie exclaimed. She then gasped, covering her mouth with a hoof. “Wait a second! Doesn't that mean I'm a wrong pony for watching you sleep?” I blinked. “Where was I sleeping anyways?” “On the steps of Sugarcube Corner!” Pinkie Pie stepped out the way, gesturing up at the candy inspired establishment. “I don't know what time you got here, and I super-duper don't know why you're here, but I've been watching you sleep ever since the sun came up! Or I think it came up?” She looked up to the sky and smiled. “Yup, the sun came up. I'm not imagining things.” There was so much to catch up on that my hungover brain almost refused. But I was having fun at the moment, despite needing to hurl, and my heart beating because, well, it needed to beat for me to live, but beat harder because of the mare that was supposed to become my own. “Going back to the whole wrong thing, I think you're in the clear.” I used a claw to wipe any lingering moisture from my brow. “Watching ponies sleep is usually considered creepy, unless you're dating that pony, in which case, I guess it becomes romantic?” My heart pricked when I said 'date.' “But we aren't dating!' “That... that's right.” I gulped. “We're not dating. B-but that doesn't make it c-creepy though!” “It dooooesn't?” Pinkie tilted her head, her puffy mane bouncing from the movement. “How come?” “I guess it goes back to the concept of social perspective.” I always felt fake whenever I tried to talk fancy like manure was spilling past my lips—but no one could pick up on the smell. “If a guy watches a girl sleep, then almost everything considers that creepy.” I exhaled sharply. “But if a cute girl watches a guy sleep, well, not anyone seems to have an issue with that.” “Wait!” Pinkie clopped her hooves together from behind me. “Does this mean I'm a cute girl, Spike?” I glanced over my shoulder. Pinkie Pie stood tall on all four of her hooves, her fluffy chest caressed by a sudden breeze. Her eyes curved upward, colored blue, just like the sky, but she possessed far more energy inside them. She was pink all over, and I was too scared to check out her flanks. “Of course you are, Pinkie.” I went back to looking forward, hoping she couldn't see my shade of pink on my cheeks. “That's another thing most ponies would agree with.” I then cleared my throat. “Anyway, back to the... thingy.” “Back to the thingy!” “Right.” I cleared my throat again, but that didn't help it from clamping. “So there isn't an issue with a cute girl watching a guy sleep because... because...” I blinked, questioning this line of logic. “...because cute girls can have whatever they want, I suppose. They wouldn't prey on a sleeping guy if they can already have whatever they want?” “That's how that works?” “Mostly, I think?” I let my claw flop on the ground next to me. “Forget that. Look, it's true that somepony shouldn't do a wrong thing just because somepony else is doing a wrong thing, but sometimes, we have to do a wrong thing to stop somepony else from doing a wrong thing.” I wasn't sure if I was speaking smart or speaking pure idiot. “But aren't you still doing a wrong thing?” “Well, you'd stop doing the wrong thing once the other pony stops doing a wrong thing.” “I guess I get that.” I could hear something heavy collide against the ground—I was still too scared to check out her flanks. “But aren't you still as wrong as that somepony else because you're doing the same amount as wrong as them.” “That depends. You're probably not doing the same amount of wrong as they are.” I stood up, hearing and feeling my back crack. “Your steps are not a free hotel, and I was wrong to sleep on them. You had to splash me with water to wake up, something you were right to do, so customer and ponies could get into the store.” “So I'm the right mare, and you're the wrong dragon?” That line hurt me more than it should've. “In a way, yeah.” I did my best to stand tall, crack my neck left and then right, and not let on how utterly afraid I'd been rendered in under a second. “So you've done nothing wrong here, Pinkie.” “Only you, you wrong pony!” Pinkie gasped. “And you're not even a pony, so that makes you even more wrong!” I risked a glance over my shoulder, and luckily for me, her eyes were closed. “Is that how it works, Spike?” My head shot forward just as her eyes reopened. “Not... sure, to tell you the truth. Sorry.” “Meh, it's all silly anyway,” Pinkie said, somehow dismissing the entire conversation and the stress associated with it. Her voice was welcoming, accepting, enough so that I slowly turned around. She was standing on the top of the steps, expression alive and eyes glinting, a hoof extended and pointing at me, like she was declaring something. “Now then, Spike the Dragon, what is it you want from Miss Pinkie Pie!” Aw, crud! Was I supposed to ask her out here? Glancing around, we were alone together in the morning—not even shuffling came from inside the store. But still, I felt exposed out in the open. I hadn't planned how I was going to ask her out. In fact, I'd gotten drunk so I could forget all about it and, if I was lucky, maybe drunk me could do it for me. But here I was, hungover, a game of logic leaving me drained, a mare of such fluffy cuteness demanding something of me. I had to get out of this. I had to lie, to make something up, to escape back to my room and think about this again. Twilight told me that anything could be won by thinking and planning, and equally so, lost by rushing and feeling. She was right. I wasn't ready. Pinkie kept looking at me, smiling at me, pointing at me, wanting something from me. She looked so cute and open, so pink and fluffy, so everything alive and energetic, questioning everything and leaving the answers to someone else. She was fond of starting and loved it even more when others came in to end, because that way, they would be together. I just... had to say something that would end this quickly, safely, and not make me look even more like an idiot. “Will you date me?”