"What's it going to be, Princess?"
I mean, WHAT— A — Jerk!
And yes, I do know how ironic that sounds coming from me, but let's be real here. This guy comes outta nowhere, sucks up the magic from, apparently, an entire continent, wages a one centaur war against EVERYONE, and has the prairie-oysters to make demands when the Master's fought him to a stalemate?
I mean, I didn't even get to help! And I'm her imp!
The only thing I even got to light on fire was that dumb tree and I'm pretty sure that got stomped into dust during one of those flybys.
Oh, and I suppose using hostages is little bit of a low blow.... but we are talking about an Imp's standards, so that's kind of par for the course.
...
Hell, I'd punch him in the balls if they weren't the size of a pair of wagons and several stories in the air.
Not to mention, you know, the whole centaur balls thing. Not really my cup of fel, but I mean, you know, if someone else likes it?
Whatever. He's a fekking jerk.
And the Master took it like a BOSS.
Yheah, after standing there for a few seconds, she just kind of lit herself on fire and leapt at him, and before you know it we had the largest fekking barbecue this side of Draenor.
Except, that didn't really happen. Like, at all.
The Master just kind of stood there, looking all shocked, as her minions cried out not to do it. And props to them for being such capable actors... the traitor was shouting "Don't do it Twilight!" and the assassin, that butter yellow black widow, even sounded like she meant it when she said she wasn't worth it.
And the elder god? He actually sounded sad, which, I mean.... ELDER GOD so you can't really trust anything they say... but he sounded sad when he mentioned that the assassin ~was~ worth it... that she had taught him that "friendship is magic," that he had friendship and magic, and that now... well now, he didn't have either.
That's... actually kind of deep. Cheesey, corny as hell, but deep.
And, in a way, he was kind of right.
The Master didn't need to slaughter everything she saw, didn't need to invoke terror and undying loyalty in her victims, didn't need to surround herself with legions of mindless thralls just to do day to day things. She didn't need to yell. She didn't need to summon avatars of chaos and death to get her way.
She had minions who WANTED to help her. And...
...
... and who she was willing to protect.
Those she was willing to help.
And, I guess, if that didn't work, she could always just burn their skin off, torture their families, and blow the world if half if she got really upset. But she didn't NEED to.
But before she could even start to summon a world shattering dimensional rift, which is completely understandable given the circumstances, Tea-wreck just had to open his mouth and preempt her total victory with a sucker punch of etiquette.
Seriously, that stuff's grade-A overpowered. If the Legion knew of the tome the Master's been teaching me with, there wouldn't BE a resistance anymore.
He just interrupted the Master's planet destroying dimensional rift spell by invoking etiquette... he just shouted out "ENOUGH! I want an answer, and I want it now!"
Boom.... the Master never saw it coming.
But she must have planned for it because, no sooner had her spell died, then she started looking at her minions and her eyes flashed this little hint of light.
...
And she surrendered.
Just like the fat white one and the loud blackberry one and the cotton candy mind-screw had in the castle. Just.... up and gave it away.
Because the Master said, "I will give you my magic, in exchange for my friends."
Tea-wreck smiled, snapped his fingers, and her minions dropped to the ground, leaving the elder god stuck in a bubble.
And then she went and screwed us all over when she followed it up with "All of my friends."
Tea-wreck was even surprised. He gestured back, "After the way he has betrayed you, you still call him a friend?"
And the Master just growled out "release him."
-~oOo~-
Now, don't get me wrong, I know I don't understand this ~etiquette~ thing, but I'm not sure that trading away all your magic in a bid to save six minions and an ELDER GOD from a nigh-unstoppable being capable of insane amounts of destruction is the wisest of things for someone to do.
On the other hand, I'm just an imp and sowing chaos and destruction ~is~ kind of my thing.
But still! The MASTER shouldn't even be considering something like that! Well... unless it's all a ploy to get him to release her allies before unleashing immense amounts of destruction upon him, thus eliminating the threat and reducing the overall difficulty of finding new and capable minions.
That must be it. The Master is simply playing the fool to take advantage of the giant, bloodthirsty, centaur who is approaching deity-level power.
Any second now she'll unleash Hell and we can all dance in the flaming remains of his entrails, feast upon ill-gotten goods, and revel in the absolute superiority of the Master's diabolical plan!
Any second now...
...
Aaaaaand, Tea-wreck just snapped his fingers, released the Elder God, and sucked the Master's magic right out of her horn.
Yep. We're screwed.
WHAT THE HELLS?!?!?
So, of course, because the universe loves to mock us, that titanic red abomination just lights up like the village orphanage on free-flamethrowers-for-pyromaniacs night, and starts howling like he's in pain.
And gets bigger.
Way bigger.
Like, hells, one of the Dreadnaught Fel Cruisers big.
He ends up towering above the remaining trees, dwarfing all around him like some sick parody of an abusive high schooler in a kindergarten full of mentally arrested kittens with a predilection for being used as kickballs.
Don't give me that look. He's enormous. MORE enormous. Like, the tallest trees from that evil forest nearby, the ones that have been around for hundreds, if not thousands of years? Those come up to his hips.
And while he's roaring and flashing all the things that will need to apply large amounts of bleach to erase the image of his naked ass, the Master just collapsed to the ground and lay there for a few moments.
Her minions all ran over, checking on her, while Tea-wreck continued howling.
And then, the Eldrich abomination wandered over, and fingered a small golden triangle while murmuring "Tea-wreck tricked me into believing he could offer me something more valuable than friendship, but there is nothing worth more. I see that now." He bowed his deformed head while his snake-like body twisted and coiled idly. Finally, his blood tinted pupils shifted to stare at the Master as his sickly yellow eyes sucked at my sanity. "He lied when he said that this medallion was given as a sign of gratitude and loyalty... but when I say that it is a sign of our true friendship, I am telling the truth."
And with that, he hung the golden artifact around the Master's neck.
I wanted to run and scream. I wanted to rip that tainted relic from her neck and hurl it into the blossoming heart of a natal star. I wanted to drown in a swimming pool of pie filling while gargling rhinoceros tears... of course, that last one was probably the result of my mind shattering under the influence of a mad god of chaos, but the point still stands.
Elder gods do NOT give favors, and they are NOT to be trusted.
And then, the Master looked up as the orange sweatstain asked if she thought that was the last one they needed.
...
Honestly, I have no fekking clue what they're talking about, but when I find the fractal remains of my damaged psyche, I'll be sure to light her on fire for looking at the Master.
And then, the bauble shimmered, just like the Master's eyes had. The Master gasped and spun, ordering us all to follow her to 'the chest', before running off.
Oh... don't mind me. I'm just going to be dragged along behind while the world is unmade. You know... since Tea-Wreck just slurped down ALL OF HER MAGIC!
Well... I certainly hope the Master has a plan, because otherwise I'm going to be unemployed in very short order. Hey! Don't give me that look! The Legion has job placement. This place has flowers and teddy bears and probably has unemployment checks and civil servants. This is some kind of candy-coated hell and I am NOT cut out to be any kind of productive member of society.
Well... maybe if they have an opening at the DMV, that's kind of like torture.