//------------------------------// // The Night Before... // Story: I Blame You // by Whitestrake //------------------------------// “I'm glad you changed your mind, Taylor” Shining Armor was grinning ear to ear, which, given the facial anatomy of equines, was very difficult. “I told you he'd come around.” Jay was right, especially after what he told me of Cadence being a complete bitch. Well, general rudeness was expected, we were human, but slapping away an offered hand is uncalled for. Which, of course, was my reason for being here. “I just wish we could have left the city.” I understood why Celestia hadn't let us out, Shining Armor had a barrier to keep up, we couldn't just go for a trip to Las Pegasus. Still, we were going to have fun with this bachelor party. I take back everything nasty that I've ever thought about Armor, I actually kind of felt bad for him. I don't know how many friends he has, if any, but his squad-mates were unable to attend. If we hadn't shown up, he would've been alone right now. “Las Pegasus sounds a lot like our Las Vegas.” “It's alright, if you like drinking and gambling.” Shining Armor shrugged, right as he'd captured my full attention. Alcohol isn't really my thing, I only drink on occasion, but I'm a damn shark at blackjack, and that was a wonderful opportunity to earn money. Well, earn is a loose term, really depends on how you apply it. “I hope you guys don't mind me being nervous.” “Understandable, you've got a big day coming up, just don't leave the bride at the altar.” Jay was joking about him getting cold feet, er, hooves as it were. Not really the sort of thing you can pull a punchline from, but he was trying. “All that matters right now is having fun, just the three of us on the town.” “Before we get started, I need to lay down some ground rules.” This was important, the Bro Code dictated the ancient and absolute rules of bachelor parties. “If anyone asks, we don't remember anything. Not a damned thing about tonight will ever be spoken of again, unless it is between the three of us, alone.” “You say that like we're going to get into trouble.” Armor looked a little put off at the idea of running wild. Of course, as a captain, he was held to a higher standard. Good thing photography of the groom-to-be was forbidden to prevent scandals until after the ceremony. Word of mouth, however, was still well and good, not that hanging out with two mythical creatures wouldn't damage his good name. “How are we supposed to pull off amnesia, anyway?” “Already taken care of, my horny friend.” The unicorn blushed at my humor, surprising what embarrassed ponies, unicorns and their horns, pegasi had their wings, earth ponies had a thing for flanks, even a passive joke could be seen as adult comedy. To answer the captain's question, I produced a flask from the back of my pants, where I usually kept the revolver. It was high powered grain alcohol, about one-eighty proof, fresh from the Griffin Pridelands. “All we have to do is show up with this bad boy empty.” “Where did you even get that?” Jay was obviously very surprised by my resourcefulness. That, or he was shocked that I'd managed to get my hands on booze without any sort of identification. Either way, I had definitely pulled one over on Canterlot's system of laws. “Liquor store.” I unscrewed the flask's cap and took a whiff of the stuff. With a few coughs, I found out very quickly that I had gotten my money's worth. Damn, no one bring a match anywhere near me for the next few hours, maybe the next couple of days. We should probably mix this up before we drink it, so we don't vomit our guts out. “The one at the corner of Chapel Boulevard and Eclipse Avenue?” I was genuinely amazed that the straight laced stallion knew the den of vice that I had procured the distillation from, maybe he was an acquaintance of the old griffin that owned the place. Maybe the guy had a bit of a wild streak in him, after all. The thought brought a small smile to my face, it wasn't every day that I had this number of opportunities stretched out before me. “The very same.” We shared a nod, familiarity with the city would be invaluable in the event of an attack, God forbid, and it was a wonderful excuse to subtly share our knowledge. Besides, a little dirt dealing never killed anybody, a lot, however, has been the deaths of countless people. “Second rule for tonight: No communication with outsiders, that includes fiances, marefriends, coltfriends, spouses, family, in-laws, and future in-laws.” “You done this before, or something?” Jay was a little taken back by my progress, or maybe it was the fact that I hadn't asked him to help. I really don't know which, but it was a guess, that had to count for something. Right? “You've rattled this off like you rehearsed it.” “This speech has been used by innumerable individuals when their friends were being hitched to the old ball and chain.” Shining Armor looked a bit offended at my honest opinion of the institution of marriage, but seemed pleasantly that I called him a friend. “You just don't have the culture to understand the tradition.” “What else does this tradition involve?” I think the stallion was a little nervous about the night's events, human culture could be shocking to the small equines, even the most family-friendly activities could be considered too obscene for every day conversation. “Where are we supposed to go?” “Oh, you know.” I blew over the flask's mouth, making a small whistling noise. I put on a small smile, trying to ease the unicorn as much as I could before dropping my next bit of humor. “Strip clubs, bars, maybe a brothel or two.” “WHAT!?” Both Jay and Shining Armor looked at me like I’d gone insane. I was kidding, of course, and they knew it, but comedy was the universal killer of nervousness. After a few moments, we shared a long laugh, even some passing guards grinned as the heard us. “I'm never going to get used to you two.” Bro-fists/hooves were exchanged as the white stallion recovered from the cacophonous revelry. Despite my earlier opinions, Armor was turning out to be a pretty cool guy, even with the law enforcement job. We joked around for about another hour, taking jabs at one another, all in good fun. But, sunset was upon us, and we needed to get down to business. With Canterlot's lights twinkling below the balcony, I brought the flask out again. “Gentlemen, tonight shall be recorded as the wildest night in Equestrian history.” I brought out three shot glasses, and poured some of the clear drink into each of them. “What happens, we shall never speak of, it never happened as far as we know.” I passed a glass to each of them, and raised mine in celebration. “To Shining Armor and Princess Cadence, may the two of you have a long and happy marriage.” The others moved to drink, but halted as they noticed that my arm was still. I wasn't done, not until I said everything I needed to. “But, more importantly, may this be a night that we won't remember, but we shall never forget.”