Chapter Seventeen
The End of the Dream
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It sounded like a lullaby. Something Fluttershy might play for Sky Shimmer to help her fall asleep. It invited her back to dreams, and Fluttershy longed to accept. But it also called for her to wake, and as much as she fought it, that held the stronger pull.
Some part of her knew, even before she dared to think it. Some part of her had known the moment it happened, when the first flashes of terror had reached her even in her dazed state. Some part of her had known, and it had tried to keep the rest of her from finding out.
But it had failed.
Fluttershy opened her eyes. Her vision was as blurry as her memories. There were white and blue and lights, and that was all she could see of her surroundings. The soft music followed her into consciousness, not a dream after all. It clashed with a harsh and steady beeping sound, neither noise concerned with the other. Her mouth held a horrible dry taste.
The worst was the way she felt, though. She didn’t hurt. There was no sensation as simple as pain. She felt wrong, as if she wasn’t in her own body. She didn’t try to move, not at first. She didn’t want to. She wanted to fade back into the blissfulness of sleep.
Because if she was awake, she would have to think about what had happened. She would have to acknowledge the only logical outcome. She would have to know what she would be told when she asked the question she would have to ask, and she would have to hear the words even if she didn’t want them.
If she was awake, she would have to face the fact that she felt hollow, and she would know exactly why.
A sharp breath brought the sound of music to an end. As the lullaby faded, so too did the dream. Fluttershy was awake.
“Fluttershy?” Rainbow asked.
If there had been even a sliver of hope that she might get to sleep again, Rainbow’s voice had shattered it. Fluttershy tried to say Rainbow’s name, but her voice could not form anything as coherent as that.
“Fluttershy! Oh my God!”
There were sounds first. A guitar knocking against a hard surface, the strings resonating slightly with the force. A chair scraping against the floor. Three footsteps.
Then a blur of many colors entered her field of vision. Fluttershy’s eyes adjusted slowly as she stared up at Rainbow.
“Fluttershy! You’re awake!”
Even as dazed as she was, Fluttershy could tell Rainbow sounded happy. She tried to speak again, to slightly better results. “R-Rainb…”
“Hold on! I’ll get a doctor!”
“W-wait…”
Rainbow disappeared from Fluttershy’s field of vision. She took a couple of steps away, then returned after a moment. “Okay, I paged the doctor, so someone should be coming.”
“I… what…”
“Shh, take it easy.” As her vision adjusted, Fluttershy could make out Rainbow’s worried expression. “You’ve been out a while, Shy. Let’s just wait for the doctor to get here.”
“How long…”
“Uhh…” Rainbow looked away for a second. “A week. You’ve been out for a week.”
“Su… Sunset…?”
“Oh my gosh!” Rainbow disappeared again. “That’s right, I have to tell her!”
Fluttershy finally felt the pain as she moved her arm. It made her suddenly realize that her whole body hurt, but she ignored that. Even though moving her arm from her side to her stomach was a short distance, it took tremendous effort.
Still, she had to. She had to see, even if she knew what she would find. She didn’t have a choice.
She knew. She knew before her hand ever reached her stomach. She knew before she’d woken up. Fluttershy knew, and yet, she couldn’t believe it. She didn’t want to. She wanted to believe that her stomach would be even bigger and firmer from the week she’d slept, from Sky growing, from things being the way they were supposed to be.
But her stomach felt soft and didn’t protrude. There was nothing there aside from excess fat that her body had stored in preparation for Sky. Her fingers tightened around the thin fabric that covered her. It hurt to grip, but she barely noticed.
For years, Fluttershy had practiced crying quietly. Even when she was safe from Stormy Skies, she would always make as little noise as she could when she cried. This time, however, Fluttershy screamed. The sound hurt coming out of her throat, but that was nothing compared to the pain in her heart.
“Shy!?” Rainbow ran back to her side immediately. “Woah, okay, maybe… Maybe you should ease up on your grip there…”
It took a second for Fluttershy to register that Rainbow had taken hold of her hand. She was trying to get Fluttershy’s hand back to her side, but that wasn’t going to happen. Instead, Fluttershy grabbed Rainbow’s arm with her other hand and held as tightly as she could.
“R-Rain… Rainb-bow… Sky…” Fluttershy could barely get the words out through her tears to begin with, but at Sky’s name, her crying doubled. Instead of the question that she didn’t want to ask, guttural noises forced themselves out of Fluttershy’s mouth.
“Shy, I’m…”
Rainbow trailed off, and Fluttershy continued to cry. She barely noticed Rainbow’s presence, although she continued to hold her hand. She barely even noticed when someone else entered the room.
“Fluttershy?” a woman’s voice said. “I’m Doctor Caring Heart, and I’ll be taking care of you. I brought you some water. How are you feeling?”
Fluttershy didn’t answer. She didn’t even stop crying, although it subsided somewhat as the doctor approached.
“She just woke up,” Rainbow said. “And, she… she’s not taking it well.”
“Fluttershy, can you hear me?” Caring Heart asked.
“Y-yes…” Fluttershy turned to face Caring Heart, lifting her head a little bit.
“Good. And how about your vision. Can you see how many fingers I’m holding up?”
It was still a little blurry, but Fluttershy could make it out well enough. “Three.”
“Very good. Do you think you’d like to try drinking some water?”
It hurt to stretch her arm out for the cup, but she didn’t have to reach far. When she saw Fluttershy move to take it, Caring Heart brought the cup nearer to her hands. She waited until she was sure Fluttershy’s grip on it was secure before letting it go.
Swallowing also hurt, but it eased some of the dryness in her mouth. She didn’t need the doctor’s reminder to take little sips slowly; she didn’t think she could manage to do otherwise.
As Fluttershy drank, the doctor checked the beeping device next to the bed. “And how are you feeling? Any severe pain or discomfort?”
“Everything… hurts.” Fluttershy tried to look over her body a little better, but she was covered in a blanket. All she could see clearly was that she was in a blue hospital gown and that she had an IV sticking out of one arm. There was another tube that seemed to come from her face, and she realized it connected to her nose. She wasn’t sure how she hadn’t felt it before, and it made her wonder what else was going on with her body that she was unaware of.
“I’m not surprised. Frankly, it’s a miracle you’re alive. Does any part of your body hurt more than the rest?”
Fluttershy wasn’t even sure of that herself, she hadn’t had the chance to properly take inventory of how she was feeling at all. But it didn’t matter, there was one thing that she couldn’t keep avoiding. “My… my daughter…”
The doctor turned to her and Fluttershy could read it on her face. They had both known it was coming, even if they both had already known the answer. “I’m sorry, but she didn’t make it.”
The words struck worse than any blow ever could. Even though she had already known. It wasn’t like she’d even been foolish enough to hold any hope. She had known, but she had still needed to hear the words. And they hurt worse than anything she had felt in her life.
Everything else was suddenly unimportant. The doctor and Rainbow both tried to get Fluttershy to respond, but she couldn’t care. It didn’t matter. Nothing did. How could it? How could life just continue on when Sky had been taken from her?
Sky. Sky Shimmer. Her perfect little baby girl, who had come into her life unexpectedly and then had become the center of her world. She had been nothing more than a small bump and the occasional movement, just a scan on a computer screen, only a few months of discomfort.
And yet, she had been so much more. She had been the focal point of everything Fluttershy dreamed about. She had been the source of Fluttershy’s happiness. She had been the reason for her to keep going.
Fluttershy hadn’t even once stopped to think about that. How everything had been for Sky. She had found a job so that she could support her daughter. She was learning to drive so that she could bring her to the places she needed to go. She had taken time off from school so she could focus on being a mom.
Sky Shimmer had been everything. And now she was gone.
Although she was done crying, at least for the moment, Fluttershy completely detached from what was going on around her. When she proved unresponsive to questions, the doctor proceeded to examine her as best she could. Fluttershy didn’t speak, but she didn’t resist either.
The world would move on, but Fluttershy did not have to move with it. If the doctor found anything worrying in her examination, she didn’t say. Or perhaps she did, and Fluttershy simply hadn’t heard. It didn’t matter. Nothing did.
That belief was called into question when the door opened. Fluttershy didn’t bother to turn and look at who entered, not until she heard Sunset’s voice. “Fluttershy…”
Fluttershy turned and their eyes met. Sunset was the only person who was going through the same thing, the only one who could truly understand what Fluttershy felt. Fluttershy looked to her for some sign of understanding, some knowledge that they were together on this. Instead, she found Sunset smiling.
“You’re awake.” Sunset walked across the room and gently took hold of Fluttershy’s hands. “I was so scared. I thought… I thought you’d…”
The doctor addressed Sunset. “Her vitals are good. A little weak, but well within expectations. But she’s been unresponsive since she heard about her daughter.”
“Could you give us a little bit?” Sunset asked without taking her eyes off Fluttershy.
“Of course. Page me when she’s ready to talk, or if there’s any sign of problems.”
The doctor left the room, leaving Sunset, Rainbow, and Fluttershy. Although Fluttershy expected Sunset to talk, it was Rainbow who spoke next. “I’ll step out to call the others and let them know Shy’s awake.”
Sunset nodded. “Good idea, thanks.”
Then Rainbow left and it was just the two of them. They were silent for a moment more, until Sunset finally spoke. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up, I couldn’t keep calling out of work. But I left as soon as I got Rainbow’s message.”
“Sky…”
Sunset’s gaze fell to their hands. “Shy, I’m… I’m so sorry…”
The tears came again as Fluttershy had to face the fact there were some problems that even Sunset couldn’t fix. Sunset didn’t say anything. What was there to say? No words could ever make things better.
Instead of words, Sunset sat down beside her. They were cramped on the tiny hospital bed, and Fluttershy was too sore to attempt to make room for both of them, but it didn’t matter. Fluttershy leaned against Sunset, who put an arm around her back and gently nuzzled against her head, and it meant more than words possibly could.
The two of them stayed pressed together in silence as Fluttershy cried. In the past, moments like this would bring Fluttershy comfort until she finished crying. Now each tear only made her feel emptier, and the only comfort Sunset’s presence could give was that she didn’t have to be empty alone.
Even when Rainbow returned, Sunset remained where she was. “Applejack and Pinkie are on their way. Rarity wanted to call, but I told her it probably wasn’t the best time.”
“Thanks, Rainbow,” Sunset said.
“So, uh…” Rainbow shifted nervously. “Feeling any better, Shy?”
When Fluttershy didn’t answer, Sunset did for her. “I think it’ll be a while before she’s really feeling better.”
“Yeah, of course…”
“Uhm.” All eyes turned to Fluttershy. “What… what happened t-to Sky?”
At first, no one answered. Fluttershy pulled away enough to look at Sunset, who was looking elsewhere. Fluttershy took a shaky breath before asking again. “Sunset, what happened to our daughter?”
“We buried her.” Sunset’s lip shook as her mouth tried to form more words.
“She’s at Sweet Apple Acres,” Rainbow added quietly.
Sunset rested her head on Fluttershy’s again, and she felt tears drip onto her shoulder. “You woke up,” Sunset said, voice shaking. “When Sky was… when she was born. You woke up, but you didn’t… say anything. Just… screamed. Then you went back to sleep.”
“I don’t remember that. I only remember being in the car.”
“Good. It’s better. That was just… just pain.” Sunset wiped her eyes, although the tears continued to come. “I didn’t know what to do without you. What you’d want. They were going to cremate her, but we thought it’d be… better to have somewhere to visit her. And the house is… who knows how long we’ll live there. But Sweet Apple Acres will always be there, and it’s… it’s…”
Fluttershy placed her hand on Sunset’s cheek and swallowed her own tears. She tried to answer, tried to tell Sunset she approved of the choice, but she couldn’t speak. Instead, she nodded and hoped that Sunset would understand.
Hours passed in a blur. Once Sunset managed to stop crying, she asked Fluttershy if she was ready for the doctor. In truth, she wasn’t, but she did want to get out of the hospital. If answering the doctor’s questions was the only way to do that, then she would answer them.
The doctor didn’t ask Sunset to get off the bed, so she remained beside Fluttershy. Many times during the examination, Fluttershy felt like locking up again, but Sunset was always there to bring her back. Still, it was hard to talk when she knew it was only a normal routine for the doctor, hard to imagine anything could ever be normal again.
Pinkie and Applejack arrived while the doctor conducted her exam. Pinkie ran over to the bed as soon as she was in the room, hugging both Fluttershy and Sunset together. A stern look from the doctor and gentle guidance from Applejack brought her to the side of the room. She cried quietly as she sat between Rainbow and Applejack, who both did their best to comfort her so the doctor could finish.
There didn’t seem to be any cause of concern, so the doctor left with the promise that someone would be by to check on Fluttershy soon. Things should have gotten easier then, but without the script to follow, Fluttershy was forced to find her way through the maze of conversation on her own.
Everyone had the same things to say. They were so happy that she was awake. They had been so worried about her. No one mentioned Sky.
It was hard. Everyone was so happy. Fluttershy understood. They were happy because she was alive, they had been scared. She would feel the same way if any of them woke up from a week-long coma. But Fluttershy’s world had crumbled, and everyone else was just so happy.
Everyone except for Sunset. She put on a good act. She even joked around a little bit when Applejack said that she’d practically lived in the hospital for the past week. But then her eyes would meet Fluttershy’s, and the pain would be there. Even when she laughed. Even when she smiled.
It was later than Fluttershy expected by the time someone came to see her. It was a nurse, and she brought another glass of water and a plate of food for her. She gave her the water right away, although she kept the food on a table out of reach.
Seeing it made Fluttershy realize how hungry she was, but there was a bigger question on her mind. “Can I go home?”
The nurse frowned at the question, and Fluttershy knew the answer. “The doctor wants you to stay overnight to make sure you’re feeling better before you leave. There’s no sign of anything to be worried about, but it’s important to be sure.”
“I want to go home.”
“Shy…” Sunset placed a hand on hers. She hadn’t moved from the bed since she’d arrived. “This is important. And… if anything happens, we don’t have a car to bring you back.”
No one had mentioned that. “The car doesn’t work anymore?”
Sunset frowned and looked away. “Yeah, I… I don’t know how much you remember, but it completely flipped over. But don’t worry about that right now, we just need to worry about you.”
Fluttershy couldn’t bear the thought of sleeping in the hospital, not after she’d already been unconscious for a week. Thankfully, Sunset seemed to know what was on her mind. “I’ll stay in the hospital with you all night, so you won’t be here alone.”
It wasn’t like she could really argue. She hadn’t even tried to stand yet, and she didn’t need to try walking to know she wasn’t going to be getting around on her own. What choice did she have? “Okay…”
“Can she change into regular clothes?” Sunset asked the nurse.
“Not with the catheter in. And she’ll be stuck with that until she’s removed from the IV and nasogastric tube.”
Fluttershy found herself feeling embarrassed and self-conscious. She hadn’t even realized that she was hooked up to a catheter, although she knew that was only logical.
“How long does she need those for?”
“Lucky for you, I brought something to see about removing that nasogastric tube now.” The nurse took the plate of food he’d set aside earlier and brought it to Fluttershy. “I heard you’re a vegetarian, so I thought celery and potato soup might be a good bet.”
Alongside the soup, there was a bread roll and a cup of fruits. It looked similar to a school lunch – utterly average. Fluttershy managed to sit more upright, as much to show she could move on her own as to get more comfortable, and Sunset adjusted the bed so she could still lean back if she wanted to.
She tried a spoonful of the soup first, and found it was only slightly warm. Still, it tasted amazing. She could hardly believe how good it was, and began eating ravenously.
Her appetite seemed to amuse her friends. “Heh, I never knew anyone to eat hospital food like that,” Applejack said.
The nurse laughed. “It’s just as bland as it looks, but that’s what happens if you haven’t had any solid food in a week.”
“Don’t worry, Shy,” Pinkie said. “We’ll get you something nice and tasty soon!”
“This is great,” Fluttershy said.
“Be careful when you do start eating better food,” the nurse said. “Stick to blander food at first and work flavors back into your diet. Not that you’ll have to worry about that while you’re here, though.”
The nurse waited while Fluttershy ate, wanting to make sure she could eat the more solid food as well. Although she was still hungry when she finished, the nurse told her that she’d have to wait for more; no matter how much food her body wanted, her stomach could only handle so much at a time. The nurse left them with a bag in case she wound up not being able to keep the food down, then left to check with the doctor about removing the IV and catheter.
“Feel a little better with something in your stomach?” Applejack asked.
“A little.” It was true in a sense. Physically, Fluttershy was starting to feel just a bit better, even if she still felt horribly weak. In the sense that truly mattered, however, Fluttershy wasn’t sure if she’d ever feel better again.
“You’ll be good as new in no time!” Rainbow insisted.
Pinkie walked to the foot of the bed. “Maybe we can start exercising those legs while we wait. Come on, try lifting your left leg for me!”
“Uhm, Pinkie? I’m not wearing underwear.”
Pinkie facepalmed. “Oh, right. Okay, everyone to the other side of the room so Fluttershy can move her legs without worrying about us!”
It was a good idea, and it might help her get out of the hospital. But Fluttershy didn’t have it in her to go along with it. “Not right now, Pinkie… I, uhm…”
“Everything okay, Shy?” Rainbow asked.
Fluttershy looked around the room at all her friends, letting her eyes fall on Sunset last. “I’m… happy you all came.” That wasn’t true. Fluttershy wasn’t happy about anything. But it was good her friends came, and that was the sort of thing she was supposed to say. “But, I, uhm…”
“It’s been a crazy day,” Sunset continued for her. “For Fluttershy more than anyone. I think she’d like some quiet for now.”
“I’m sorry…”
“No need to apologize,” Applejack said.
Although Rainbow looked momentarily upset, she soon smiled comfortingly. “Yeah, we’ll see you tomorrow, right? And by then we should be able to bust you out of here!”
“How about me and Rainbow drop the bike off at your house?” Applejack suggested. “Rainbow can drive it, and I’ll follow behind and bring her back to get her van. Then when y’all are ready to leave, I’ll come pick ya up.”
Sunset looked at Fluttershy then tossed Rainbow the key. “Yeah, that’s a good idea. Thanks, guys.”
“No problem,” Rainbow said. “And call us if you need us.”
“Of course.” Fluttershy couldn’t manage a smile as her friends left, but she would at least keep it together as they said their goodbyes. “Can, uhm, can someone call Rarity for me? Tell her I’m sorry for not calling myself, but…”
“Aww, she’ll understand,” Pinkie said. “I’ll give her a call.”
“Thanks, Pinkie.”
They all hugged Fluttershy and Sunset in turn and echoed Rainbow’s sentiment about being a phone call away. Rainbow and Applejack left first, with Pinkie following behind them. As she reached the door, however, she stopped and turned back.
Even though they’d just hugged, Pinkie walked back to hug Fluttershy again. Her voice was much softer than usual as she spoke. “I… I’m really sorry about…”
Fluttershy had to hold in the tears threatening escape, but she found she appreciated what Pinkie was trying to say, even if she couldn’t quite get the words out. “I know. Thank you, Pinkie.”
As they pulled apart, Pinkie looked like she too might start crying at any moment. But she held it together and offered one more sad smile as she turned to follow the others.
The door shut behind her, and Fluttershy and Sunset were alone. At first neither of them said anything. They didn’t even look at one another. While their friends were with them, Fluttershy had been so focused on keeping herself together that she wasn’t exactly sure what to do now that she didn’t have to.
“I’m sorry,” Sunset said eventually. “I’m so sorry… This is all my fault…”
“It’s not your fault.” It was almost an automatic response. There was no way Fluttershy could blame Sunset for what had happened.
“But if I’d paid more attention, none of this would’ve happened.”
“Sunny, please,” Fluttershy said, voice thick. She leaned her head against Sunset and wrapped both arms around her. “Please, it’s not your fault.”
Sunset didn’t answer, and Fluttershy wasn’t sure if she understood or not. It wasn’t Sunset’s fault. Fluttershy didn’t just believe that, she needed it to be true. She needed this to be anything, anyone’s fault other than Sunset’s.
Sunset held her, and that was answer enough. It wasn’t long before Fluttershy started crying. Not long after that, Sunset did as well. Neither of them spoke, neither of them had anything to say. The only sound was their tears as they tried to fill some of the emptiness with each other.
The silence between them spoke louder than words could. It spoke of all the firsts they’d never see. First words, first steps, first day of school, first crush. It spoke of lullabies that would never be sung, of cuts and scrapes that would never be kissed.
It spoke of lessons that they would never have to learn. Of never having to find out the best way to chase a monster from a closet. Of never having to remember how to relate to someone so young. Of never having to learn that their precious baby was no longer a baby as she grew into a woman.
It spoke of silence. Of never hearing the sound of little feet through the house. Never hearing songs sung in a language adults weren’t meant to understand. Never being asked for ‘just one more’ after a bedtime story. Never hearing a little voice say ‘I love you’.
It spoke of emptiness, which was all that remained for them.
It had been a long night, and a long day followed after. The evening had seen the nurse return to remove the catheter and IV, followed by her first steps. Fluttershy had felt weak on her feet, much more so than she had expected. It was like learning to walk again, as if since Sky would never be able to experience first steps, Fluttershy had to take them for her.
Dizziness and atrophied muscles made it a challenge, but one worth taking. Being mobile again meant she was able to wear her own clothes, and Sunset had thought to bring both pajamas and regular clothes. She had to keep the hospital gown on, but she was able to wear pajama pants with it, and it did make her feel just a little more at ease.
It did little to make the night bearable, however. Sunset had finally been told to stay off the bed so Fluttershy could rest, but she snuck back to it in the night. It was cramped, but lying with Sunset in the dark was a far bigger comfort than wearing her own pants had been.
In the morning, Doctor Caring Heart returned to check on her again and do more tests. The three of them went for a short walk to work out her legs and show that she’d be okay when she left, and Fluttershy hid how tired it made her. She was still told it would be a little while before she was discharged, although even Sunset didn’t really understand why.
Their friends visited one by one, keen to not overwhelm her again. Pinkie snuck Fluttershy in some food, which was a godsend after the small meals the hospital provided. Rainbow played them songs on Fluttershy’s guitar, which had been the one she’d been playing when Fluttershy had first woken up. Rarity cried when Fluttershy called her, giving a similar rundown as the rest of her friends had the day before. Applejack came in the evening, and insisted that she’d be there until they left.
In the end, it was with reluctance that she was discharged that day at all. They were advised that it would be better to keep her under observation for at least a few days after she’d been out for so long. Fluttershy had refused.
If it had only been home waiting for her, she wouldn’t have been able to. She wanted to go home, but she had never been able to stand up for herself enough to challenge a professional opinion. But she had somewhere else to be, and she was not waiting a moment longer than she needed to.
She walked out of the hospital leaning on Sunset. Applejack walked on her other side in case she needed more support, although she managed well enough without it. Getting into Applejack’s truck had been difficult, and she needed Sunset’s help to do it, but getting away from the hospital was a relief.
Sunset sat in the back next to her, leaving Applejack alone in the front. She drove noticeably more carefully than she normally would as they exited the parking garage and entered the city streets.
“Here.” Sunset held out her hand for Fluttershy, her locket dangling from it.
“Oh.” Fluttershy’s hand reached for her neck for a moment. She hadn’t even realized she wasn’t wearing it. “Did you have that the whole time?”
“Yeah, but I… I wanted to wait until we were leaving to give it to you.”
Fluttershy looked down at it. The chain was broken, and the locket itself was scratched up. When she tried to open it, she found it was stuck shut.
“I’m sorry, I know it’s really important to you…”
“It’s okay.” Fluttershy held it up to look at it in the light, relieved that she still had it at least.
“I don’t know how it came off, but I found it when I was going through the car. I was looking for something else, actually.”
“What, uhm… what happened with the car?”
Sunset frowned. “Well, it’s totaled. Only thing we’ll be able to do with it is sell it for parts and scrap metal. But for now, we’re still waiting on the insurance company.”
Applejack grunted. “Course they’re bein’ right pains in the ass about it.”
“Yeah, but the important thing is you’re okay,” Sunset said. Fluttershy frowned and her hands went to her stomach.
The car ride made Fluttershy feel dizzy, although she kept it to herself. She didn’t want to worry the others, and especially didn’t want to have them bring her back to the hospital. She couldn’t go back there, not while they had somewhere far more important to be.
In part due to her dizziness and in part because she didn’t feel much like talking, Fluttershy kept her focus on her window. The city rolled by slowly as they drove through, approaching the outskirts of it block by block.
Sweet Apple Acres had always been a favorite place of Fluttershy’s. It felt like a slice of nature set apart from the rest of the city. There was the apple orchard of course, as well as a substantial flower and vegetable garden Granny Smith had started many years ago. It was also right on the edge of Everfree National Park, which Fluttershy had loved to visit long before she’d known Applejack.
And now there was something else to draw her in. Applejack parked in the front and they all got out, Fluttershy with Sunset’s help again. But instead of going with them, Applejack turned towards the house. “I’ll give you two a bit. Let me know when you’re ready.”
Sunset nodded, then placed an arm around Fluttershy’s back for support once more. She led them off to the side, away from both the house and the road, closer to the apple orchard.
They didn’t talk as they walked. All day, they had found precious little to say when they were alone together. Still, it wasn’t just because she was weak on her feet that Fluttershy leaned against Sunset.
Although it was tucked away enough from the road that passersby wouldn’t notice it, the grave was easy to see as they approached. The dirt was still freshly turned, and there was a wooden cross to mark it.
Fluttershy broke away from Sunset and ran forward. She was unable to keep upright and fell to her hands and knees as she reached the grave, and she didn’t attempt to stand back up. Tears came freely as she looked down at the spot where her daughter lay.
Sunset kneeled beside her and placed an arm around her again. Fluttershy couldn’t tell if she was also crying over the sound of her own sobs.
She pushed herself onto her knees and reached one hand to the earth, feeling the still loose soil. She couldn’t bear to think that her daughter was under there. Her other hand reached for her stomach, where Sky should be.
It wasn’t right. Fluttershy had been allowed to live, while her darling Sky Shimmer had not. Sky was innocent, pure. How could she be taken from them without even a chance at being alive?
Sunset reached both arms around her and buried her face into Fluttershy’s hair. Sunset’s body shook against her own, and Fluttershy found herself holding onto her so tightly, as if at any moment Sunset might be taken from her as well.
“It’s not fair!” Fluttershy gripped Sunset even tighter.
“I know…” Sunset muttered between sobs of her own. “I know…”
There was something about seeing the grave. Something about feeling the dirt, and about knowing who it covered. It was real in a way that nothing at the hospital had been. It was real, and it hurt. It hurt in a way that Fluttershy had never known anything could, even after losing her mother. Fluttershy could feel the pain in her chest as her heart broke yet again.
The pain didn’t stop. Eventually the tears did, but only because her body was giving out. After everything that she had experienced since waking up, it was finally too much, and Fluttershy was ready to give in.
Sunset’s sobs subsided as well, but the two of them remained in front of the grave. They sat clinging to one another, if not as forcefully. Fluttershy took a better look at the sight they chose. It was further from the house than she expected, decided so it would be out of the way no doubt. Far enough from the orchard so they wouldn’t have any reason to worry about tree roots upending it. Indeed, it was almost closer to Everfree than to Sweet Apple Acres, and a patch of wildflowers grew nearby.
Fluttershy found herself standing, and Sunset followed after. She walked over to the flowers and kneeled to pick some. Sunset joined her, picking her own bouquet.
When they’d each gathered enough, they returned to the grave to place them on the soil. It hardly seemed like enough, but then, nothing ever could.
“We should plant flowers here,” Fluttershy said.
“Okay.” Sunset’s hand found Fluttershy’s. “I wanted to wait until you were awake to pick the headstone. Applejack made this one for now.”
Fluttershy nodded. She let go of Sunset’s hand to hold onto her instead, and they didn’t say anything else. Fluttershy had hoped to find some sort of peace by visiting Sky’s grave, but she wasn’t sure peace would ever find her again. She had found something close enough, at least.
It was night by the time they walked back to the house, still in silence. Sunset knocked on the door, and Applejack soon answered. “Was wonderin’ if y’all were comin’ back. Do ya wanna stay and eat, or feel like headin’ home? Course you’re also welcome to stay the night if that’s what ya wanna do.”
Sunset looked at Fluttershy and read the answer on her face. “I think we’d like to go home.”
Applejack nodded and stepped outside. “Figured as much.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a key, which she offered to Sunset. “Why don’t you take my truck? That way if y’all need anything or wanna go somewhere, ya don’t have to worry about anything.”
Sunset hesitated. “You sure?”
“Yeah, I won’t need it for a few days. I reckon ya ain’t been shopping once without Fluttershy. Figure the two of ya might wanna do that tomorrow, or just go out or whatever. Besides, we got Big Mac’s truck if we need anything.”
Sunset took the key. “Thanks, AJ.”
“Don’t worry about it. Just one condition though.” Applejack put her hands on her hips. “You two get yourselves somethin’ good to eat tonight. Lord knows ya both need it.”
Sunset showed a weak smile. “Alright, alright. I’ll stop somewhere on the way home.”
Applejack grinned. “You better, or else you’ll have me to answer to.”
They each hugged Applejack and said their goodbyes, then turned towards the truck. But before they got too far, Applejack stopped them. “I know it doesn’t mean much, and ya won’t believe it, but… It’s gonna be alright. Things get better.”
Fluttershy wanted to take comfort in the words, but she couldn’t. She just stared at the ground and waited for Sunset to find some answer for them. “Yeah. I’ll see you soon, AJ.”
“Take care, you two.”
They resumed walking to the truck, and Sunset again helped Fluttershy get in before going around to the driver’s side.
When she got in, Sunset simply stared down at the key in her hand for a moment. Fluttershy knew Applejack’s gesture was well-meaning, of course, but she couldn’t help but wonder if it just made things more difficult on Sunset.
She wanted to say something to comfort her, to remind her that she had every confidence in her driving, but the words didn’t come. After a few moments more, Sunset started the truck and drove away.
“Hungry?” Sunset asked as she drove.
“I don’t know.”
“Me either. AJ’s right though, we should eat. You especially.”
“Yeah, I just…” Fluttershy frowned.
“Yeah, I know.”
Since Fluttershy couldn’t bring herself to ask for anything specific, Sunset chose for them. She picked a diner that they both liked and they ordered their meals to go. Although Fluttershy wasn’t really in the mood to eat, her body was still making its own demands on that front, so she knew that she wouldn’t have any problems getting food down.
Then what? Another night like the last one? Sure, it’d be in their own bed, but she didn’t see sleep coming. And while sharing the same silent misery with Sunset gave its own sense of comfort, Fluttershy had felt more than enough misery over the past few days.
Sky Shimmer was gone. She was gone, and she was not coming back. Fluttershy didn’t want to find out what that would mean for her future, but she would all the same when the time came. Fluttershy was not a mother, and there was no sense in trying to be one anymore.
“Can we stop somewhere else?” Fluttershy asked as they drove away from the diner.
“Of course. Where did you have in mind?”
“Uhm…” Fluttershy felt a pang of guilt, but she ignored it. Anything would be better than dealing with what else she might feel during the night. “The liquor store.”
“The what?”
“Or wherever you get wine and stuff.”
Fluttershy didn’t look at Sunset’s expression, but she could hear the frown in her voice. “Shy, you know you shouldn’t –”
“I just don’t want to hurt.” Fluttershy inhaled sharply. “You feel the same way, right? And… and that’s supposed to…”
“It doesn’t make the pain go away,” Sunset said. “Believe me. It just… Makes you care a little less that it’s still there.”
“That’s enough.” Fluttershy could feel the pain growing in her chest again. “I don’t want to feel anything, Sunny. Please, just for tonight…”
Sunset was silent, but she turned down a street that Fluttershy knew didn’t lead to their house. Fluttershy kept her eyes pointed at the floor. She didn’t want to look at Sunset, didn’t want to read her reaction. She didn’t even want to look out a window, for fear of seeing her own reaction reflected in it.
They pulled into a parking lot, where Sunset told Fluttershy to wait for her. Fluttershy understood – Sunset had a fake ID, but Fluttershy didn’t. If they both went in, they might both get ID’d, and then they wouldn’t be able to get anything. Still, it had been the first time that Fluttershy had been truly alone, and she hoped Sunset hurried.
While she waited, thoughts of what Sky would think plagued her. It was ridiculous. Sky wouldn’t have been able to think anything, even if she had been alive. And yet, Fluttershy still felt the disappointment all the same.
Mercifully, Sunset was quick to return. She brought two bottles and set them on the seat behind them. One was a wine bottle, which she recognized. The other was square, and Fluttershy wasn’t sure what was in it. She’d seen bottles like that growing up, however.
As she expected, they didn’t speak for the rest of the drive home. Fluttershy wanted to find something to say, but even simple topics proved impossible to focus on.
It felt odd to return home. It should’ve been comforting. Fluttershy wanted it to be comforting. But all she felt was a sort of resignation.
She brought the food inside while Sunset brought in the alcohol and Fluttershy’s guitar. She stopped to take a look around as she entered the house, unsure of exactly what she was looking for. Whatever it was, she didn’t find it.
Fluttershy set the food on the living room table and sat down on the couch, preferring that over the wooden kitchen chairs. Sunset disappeared into the kitchen for a moment, then came back with cups and utensils for dinner.
“We gotta eat too,” Sunset said as she sat down. “We’re already being irresponsible enough by drinking.”
“Okay.”
Sunset placed two little shot glasses on the table and grabbed the square bottle.
“What is that?” Fluttershy asked as Sunset poured.
“Whiskey. It burns, and you’ll hate it.”
Fluttershy expected Sunset to explain why they were drinking that, but she just drank hers. “Better to get it all in one go.”
Fluttershy frowned at the drink, half expecting Sunset had purposely gotten something horrible to discourage her. But she wouldn’t know until she tried it, and they also had the wine too.
She followed Sunset’s advice, drinking the whole thing in one gulp. It was worse than Sunset made it sound, painful as it went down her throat. She was left coughing afterwards, and her eyes watered.
And yet, the pain somehow helped. It pulled her away from the pain in her chest to focus instead on the drink. Fluttershy understood Sunset’s choice, and when she turned to face her, she could read the pain in Sunset’s face. It chased away her doubts and she knew this was something they both needed.
Wordlessly, she held out her glass for another.
~ End Act II ~