For as far as her eye could see, it was completely dark.
“Derpy…”
She looked around slowly, but it was still dark.
“Derpy…”
“Who said that?” She asked warily.
“Derpy...ake up...diot.”
“Oh, I get it.” Derpy smiled widely--it all made sense now. “You're my conscience!”
“...at?”
“Like that silly stage play, Finding Zemo!” She laughed an airy laugh at her conscience, floating somewhere in the darkness. She idly wondered, where exactly. “But they were at the bottom of a really dark cave with...uh, monsters and stuff. Conscience, are we in a cave? Is that why its so dark?”
“Stop mumbl...ike a moron...wa...up!”
She scrunched her nose up. “Uh, you're breaking up. What did you say? Repeat the last part ag--ow!”
And then, with that painful pinch, she was back in the world of the living.
Derpy winced away her mild discomfort to focus on blinking her vision back to normal...only to regret it moments later. It didn't take a rocket surgery-ist to realize that she was tied up against a very cranky looking raccoon and was being carried only by a single metal pole--like a shish ka-bob. The Ravagers were all chuckling and chittering amongst each other, surrounding the two of them like hungry sharks. She could spot Groot being held in the tiniest bird cage she had ever seen, cramped beyond believe and very angry. Behind him, that blue dude with the broken fun was also bound and prodded along every couple of steps or so. And further beyond him, all of the…’nice’ Ravagers were in a similar predicament.
“No!” Derpy gasped aloud. “We've been captured!”
Rocket growled. “I'm gonna kick you right in your moronic little face if you say something obvious again.”
Derpy looked ahead of them to see that they were on a fairly desolate planet, traveling through a giant field of garbage and rotting metal parts. They were going towards a spaceship of massive proportions, like a miniature mountain parked in front of their unofficial path. The entry doors for the ship were open, ready to accept the pirates and their prisoners.
“What is that?” Derpy asked worriedly.
“I was wondering that myself, ” Rocket might have tried to shrug, but it was hard to do so when tied up. “This planet might be a Ravager outpost.”
Derpy looked it over once more. “Oh, good. Does that mean they're just gonna keep us prisoner and not kill us?”
“Don't count on it.” One of the pirates smirked at them.
Well, there was good news and bad news about being on the Ravager outpost.
The good news is that no one liked the original plan of what to do with their prisoners. The original plan was that they would fly up into a remote section of space and then push them all out into the great black vacuum, one by one. Thankfully, everyone found that plan to be, apparently, ‘too kind a death for them’. So no one decided to give anyone that kind of execution. That was the good news.
The bad news, as Derpy had come to find out, was Goom.
Courtesy of one of the more gleeful of their executioners, she was told that when they first claimed the planet, they discovered a giant, really deep hole in the ground that housed a great beast. They described it as fifty feet tall, with skin like decaying flesh and rock, as well as a massive head, beady eyes and a gaping maw. It was a creature that was always hungry and provided great entertainment to watch when it was fed something. It had limited linguistic skills and referred to itself as Goom, which made sense to her as the bad news when that Ravager said they would all be fed to Goom.
Her stomach churned unpleasantly when they entered the massive room, caused by attacking stenches from everywhere. It smelled absolutely horrible, like a thousand rotting bodies had once been piled up in here. Her stomach flipped more when half of the floor cracked open via a mechanical hatch. It revealed a mammoth, gaping hole that dissolved into pure darkness and nothing more. When the cheering Ravagers all gathered themselves around the hole, whatever was inside slowly awakened.
“HUH…?” A vibrating voice shook their bones. “FOOD? FOOD FOR GOOM?”
“Yeah, here's your food!” A Ravager kicked one of the ‘nice’ Ravagers forward and watched him fearfully tumble towards the hole. “Fresh and piping hot!”
The unfortunate pirate didn't quite fall in, thanks to his arms grabbing onto the edge to keep him from going any further. Even that wasn't enough to stop him from being grasped by two humongous fingers, which pulled him down with little effort. The screaming was there for a while but it was soon silenced by the wet crunch of bones, a slurping gulp and then a satisfied--
“BURP!” The hidden giant sounded like it was smiling, and Derpy wished she didn't have that kind of mental image in her head. “GOOM'S COMPLIMENTS TO CHEF.”
“There's more where that came from!” The same pirate grinned maniacally and laughed. “Awright, boys! Throw ‘em all in!”
Derpy folded her ears back as the air began to fill with the sounds of horrified screaming, abrupt crunching and thunderous laughter. She caught sight of one of the prisoners (Tullik, if she heard it correctly) being pushed past that Kraglin guy into the hole, cursing them all on the way down. Kraglin looked just as sick as she did, and she would have offered sympathy if she wasn't so scared out if her mind right now. They had had at least a minute or so before they would be cast down to the literal belly of the beast and crunched into a disgusting pulp.
She tried to get a good look at her death row companion, but couldn't twist her head around enough. She could only see the side of his head. “Uh, R-Rocket? What a-are we gonna do?”
“I dunno. I'm thinking.”
Derpy looked back at the dying prisoners, then tried not to throw up. “Well, uh, I-I don't know about you but I really, really don't wanna die.”
“Well I'm not exactly eager to meet my maker either.”
“I know, so could you p-please think of something? I think I…” Her vision blurred as she hyperventilated. “Is it a g-good sign if y-your life is flashing before your eyes? I'm seeing a whole lot of my life! I don't wanna relive Kindergarten!"
“Just shut up! I'm trying to think! Actually, ” Rocket snarled at her in frustration. “No! You get us out of here, if you’re so desperate!”
“I can't think straight when I'm desperate!”
“Then I guess we're both gonna die.”
“Why are you always so mean to me?!”
“I am not mean! I have never acted more nicely to anyone else than you!”
She whimpered as she looked around for any sign of a saving grace. Just ahead of them, she saw the blue guy with the broken fin being punched by that nasty pirate dude with the weird face. He snarled at the blue guy as he set blood. “You’re the one what killed those men, Yondu…by leading them down the wrong path. You pushed them down to their deaths because you're flawed!”
Other Ravagers cheered as they saw the scuffle. “Because you’re a weakling!” Derpy winced as he hauled Yondu back up only to be punched again. The pirates cheered for their nasty leader. “And incompetent! Excommunicated by your own people! Pathetic! It is time for the Ravagers… to rise to glory once more, with a new captain… TASERFACE!”
The pegasus’ mind blanked, and she stared at the pirate leader with a slack jaw. After a moment of listening to the bandit horde laugh and applaud their captain for his words, she finally found the ability to speak up over the voices. “...Excuse me! I said, Excuse me!”
Everything fell deathly silent, as the Ravagers all blinked at her. Taserface glared daggers, but didn't move. “What?!”
“Um...I just…” She wrinkled her nose at him. “I just want to be clear that I didn't mishear you. Your name is...Taserface?”
He nodded suspiciously. “That's right.”
Derpy grinned brightly, somehow not realizing that she was stalling for time against a gristly fate. “That is awesome!”
The Ravagers all murmured in agreement, and their captain chuckled sheepishly. “Ah. Well, thank you. I try. Believe it or not, some people don't appreciate the name.”
“Well, that's just silly! It's really cool!” The pony shook her head in disbelief, but smiled again. “So how does it work? Do you have to eat batteries? Can you talk while your face is doing the thing? Show me!”
He squinted at her. “I--what?”
“Your face thingie! Tase someone! Show me!”
“...my face is not an actual taser.”
“What?”
“I can't tase people with my face.”
Derpy instinctively glanced back at Rocket and found that he was also exchanging a confused look with her. He turned towards the scarred being. “Well, if you can't actually tase people with your face...why is your name Taserface?”
A ravager coughed. “He was tased in the face!”
“Symbiotes, man!”
“NO! That is a greatly exaggerated rumor! I chose the name...” He went silent to create dramatic suspense for everyone, but exploded with a roar. “...FOR METAPHORICAL PURPOSES!”
His troops all cheered louder than ever, clearly satisfied with the odd and not-very-helpful answer. The two furry prisoners on the other hand, were more confused than before. “Okay, ” Derpy responded when the noise died down. “...metaphorical for what?”
“For, ” He explained eagerly. “It is a name what strikes fear into the hearts...of anyone what hears it!”
Everyone, his pirates included, made sounds of either confusion or reluctant agreement with that. But Derpy suddenly perked up. “Oh, I get it! Like an actual taser striking electricity into your heart.”
Taserface grinned. “Exactly!”
“Man, that is dumb.” The pony remarked in disapproval. “I would have gone with Arrow Guy. Then you’d be striking fear in hearts like an arrow. Oh, scratch that--” She nodded to Yondu, who was slowly losing his guilty frown in favor of something more annoyed. “He's the arrow guy.”
Rocket nodded. “Yeah. He--you should try Plasma Bolt.”
“Just shut up! I am in the middle of something here!” Taserface eagerly unsheathed a sizeable dagger and leveled it with Yondu's neck. “Udonta, I have waited a long time for...for…”
He couldn't continue over the sound of snickering and giggling, which made his face scrunch with fury. The Raccoon was the one doing most of the laughing, but it was apparently infectious to the pony. He glared at them, expecting the laughter to stop, but he quickly lost his patience. “WHAT?!”
Derpy stifled her giggling. “Why are we laughing? Aren't we about to die?”
“I know, I know! I am so sorry! This is unprofessional of us...but…” He trailed off into a fit of laughter again and struggled to catch his breath. “Oh man--I just keep imagining you waking up in the morning, sir-- looking in the mirror and then in--all seriousness-- you're like… ‘You know what would be a really kick-ass name? TASERFACE!!!’ Ah Ha Ha Haaa!”
While the new Ravager captain began to turn red with anger, his subordinates fought to contain their own amusement with the Raccoon. Some had their dams burst when he kept laughing, joining in a melody of snickers. “Yeah,that's how I hear him in my head! Ooh, looka me--i'm tAsErFacE!”
Derpy smiled at seeing that their captors were getting more distracted, and decided it'd be best to help out.
“I can't begin to imagine what his alternate choices were! Hold your nose, here comes TaserBreath!” That really got the pirates laughing, so she continued with whatever popped up in her head. “Or FartHead! Huh? Huuuh? No…?” Seeing that the Laughter died down reluctantly, the pegasus rummaged her mind for any other funny insults she knew of. “ Uh, BoogerCheeks? Baron Buttface? No? How about..uh...HairyBeard?”
She paused when Rocket nudged her and leaned in when he began to whisper something to her. She scrunched up her snout, clearly unamused. “Scrotum Hat?!”
The entire scene erupted into a late night comedy show, complete with an audience dying of pure cachinnation. The Ravagers leaned on each other as they wheezed and pointed fingers, while even Goom guffawed at the insult to end all insults. Groot kicked his legs at the hilarious scene, his own tiny laughter lost amongst others. Derpy didn't quite understand what was hilarious about such a disgusting moniker, but if it was enough to stall for time then--
“SCREW GOOM!” She squeaked when Taserface's dagger pressed against her neck and his roaring voice sprayed spittle in her face. “I’ll kill you two myself!”
Rocket grinned at him nonetheless. “Well, dying is certainly better than having to live an entire life as a moronic shitbag who thinks Taserface is a cool name.”
Derpy swallowed nervously as the blade pressed in harder. “uh, Rocket? Now is not the time to--”
“I think that's enough killing for today.”
Taserface stood up sharply as Nebula made her presence known, having walked inside during the immense laughter. Her poise was held in disinterest with what was going on but looked ready to dart if anyone made the wrong move towards her. A chain was held in her hand, trailing down to the metal collar around a familiar pony's neck. Despite the look of things, her prisoner looked undeniably calm about the whole thing.
“Maud!” Derpy tried to wiggle free, a vain attempt on her part. “Let her go, you...you...robot face!”
Nebula sighed through her nose. “Wow. That really hurt me.”
“Hmm. The daughter of the Mad Titan.” Taserface warily regarded her, as did his many followers. It was clear that her reputation was about as dangerous as it was well-known. “Taking in pets, now? You're supposed to be the biggest sadist in the Galaxy.”
“That was back when daddy paid my bills--times are changing. Now...the Priestess wants to kill the fox herself. And he has bounties on his head in at least 12 Kree provinces. I don't even need to remind you how much of a wanted man Yondu is…” She narrowed her eyes at the Ravagers that whispered to each other and spoke up louder. “I assure you… I am not as easy a mark as an old man without his magic arrow or a couple of yammering woodland beasts…”
She glanced down at Maud without an ounce of emotion to play over her features. “ I want aboooout...10% of the take… and a couple more things...if you don't mind.”
Taserface glared at her but seemed wise enough to know just who he could take on. He turned to signal for the remaining three prisoners to be thrown in their cells.
“Kraglin! Tend to the robot’s needs.”
“There’s extra rations on board, in case the food don't last y'all.”
“It will suffice.” The cyborg remarked, marching forward at a pace that her prize could keep up with. She looked only ahead of herself and never at Kraglin, who kept making nervous movements. “And my money? What of it?”
“Money? Oh yeah. We'll wire the ten percent once we get the bounty money.” There was uncomfortable silence for a while. But when they neared the ship’s docking bay, Kraglin gave a mild cough. “...So, you uh...think them Kree'll execute the captain?”
Nebula sneered. “Why would they execute Taserface?”
Kraglin looked a tad more crestfallen than before. “Right. I...I-I meant Yondu.”
“The Kree consider themselves the most merciful race. I'm certain it will be painless unless they decide he deserves misery with his death.”
“I see...Well, uh. Here's your ship.” Maud and Nebula gazed down from their heightened view through the glass, witnessing a ship at rest. Shaped like a ragged crescent shape, it's obsidian hull glistened like black ink in the light. Dangerous looking miniguns hung like giant bats from the belly of the aircraft. “Again, we'll have your pay wired soon...Whatcha gonna do with it?”
“What?” She asked.
“I--your pay. Just curious about whatcha gon’ do with it?”
Nebula continued to stare out of the window as if she hadn't even heard him ask the question. Her eyes sought out the reflection of herself in the glass and soon found it when she made out the glinting metal pieces of her face. She could not see the luphomoid part of her body beyond the cybernetic parts no matter how hard she squinted.
“...My life...has not been one worth living for the longest time. As a child...my father would have Gamora and I battle one another in training. Some days it was mere sparring and other days...it was a wonder I ever survived. Every time we clashed, and every time my sister prevailed… my father would replace a piece of me with machinery… claiming he wanted me to be her equal--to also hold the title of the fiercest woman in the galaxy. But she won. And she won, ” Her teeth gritted, tightly pressing against each other. “ Again and again, and again-- never once showing me mercy. I realized that my father was not the only one who stole pieces of me...it was his daughter.” Her fists hardened and shook the more she thought about it. Flashes of memories played; pleas spilling from her lips, the emotionless stare on her green face. “...So after I’ve murdered my sister… I will purchase a warship unlike any other-- a hell with every conceivable instrument of death. I will hunt my father like the filth that he is, and I will tear him apart slowly--piece by piece--until he knows some semblance of the profound and unceasing torture I know: Every. Single. Day.”
“...Jesus, lady--I was talking about a pretty necklace or something! Don't ya care about fashion choices?” Kraglin took a few careful steps back after that brief, dark moment and started back in the direction of his fellow pirates. “ You really are the biggest sadist in the galaxy.”
Maud watched him go silently and didn't do anything until he finally disappeared around the corner. She frowned without emotion, and yet it told Nebula enough. “Don't start, Maud. That was a lie. I will keep my word and...talk things out, as you put it. But I will kill her if things don't go as I hope.”
Maud tilted her head as she leaned down and unbuckled the metal collar. “Are you actually going to hunt your father down and kill him?”
Nebula groaned softly. “Don't tell me you want me to reconcile with my father too.”
“No.” When her blunt response got a surprised frown, she continued. “From what you told me, he sounds like he would sooner kill you than apologize. Besides, we're already barely getting by with this agreement. I prefer to take things one at a time and we're already dealing with Derpy and Rocket.”
“The fox will be free if we do not come back for them by then. They now have all the time in the world to prepare one of their daring escapes.” She gazed beyond the glass once more. “Now lets make haste, before Taserface changes his mind.”
Maud produced the world tiniest smile, one that was almost missed by her cyborg companion. “Ha. Ha. Ha.”
Nebula shot her a questioning look. “Uh, what?”
The pony shrugged. “Taserface.”