“Why does Pinkie smile so much?” Twilight Sparkle had finally asked the question. She’d finally said the six words which had been bothering her for so very, very long. She’d finally gathered up the courage to ask why Pinkie Pie had to smile so much.
It was a question that nopony had asked since Pinkie Pie had first moved to Ponyville. It was a question that bothered Twilight, itched her, scratched at her mind in a way that she had to satisfy, had to figure out. It wouldn’t let her do anything else. And it was the one question everypony incessantly refused to answer, like the question was a taboo among Ponyvillians.
Twilight had asked Rarity first, who’d dodged the question, tried to give excuses. Then Fluttershy, who’d shied away, locked her doors and not said anything. Then Rainbow, who’d flat out refused to answer and slammed the door on Twilight. Then everypony else in town, who’d closed and barred their doors when they heard the question.
And then finally, Applejack. Applejack was the only pony who’d given her so much as a clue to the answer. And it was only one sentence.
“You want to know the answer to that question, you go ask Pinkie Pie.” So she’d trudged all the way from Sweet Apple Acres to Sugarcube Corner in the middle of a rainstorm, with the wind blowing mud into her face. And she’d trudged all the way up the stairs in the sweets building, and walked all the way down the hall. And then, she was standing in front of Pinkie’s door, waiting for the pink earth pony to open up and answer.
“Come in, Twilight…” Twilight entered. She quickly cleaned herself up. She looked around, squinting in the darkness that encompassed Pinkie’s normally bright and cheery room. After her eyes finally adjusted to the darkness, Twilight saw Pinkie’s room in a horrible state. Clothes were all over the floor, books were piled on top of each other, balloons were deflated… and then she saw Pinkie sitting on her bed.
Her mane was flat. It drooped down to the floor in a depressed manner and split and tangled in random places like it hadn’t been brushed in days. Her eyes no longer held the light and cheer they had before. Her entire body looked faded and weak, like the pink mare was just barely managing to stay upright.
…And yet, she still smiled. It was a weak, sad, afraid smile, but still a smile. It was a smiled that hid so much pain, but it was still a smile. It it was a smile that couldn’t even be considered a real smile, but it was still a smile. And it was exactly the smile that bothered Twilight so.
“So… you want to know about my smile.” Pinkie’s words were weak, raspy, and most of all, quiet. Twilight only nodded. Pinkie took in a shallow breath and sighed.
She has to help.
“…Well… I suppose I knew this day would come. But… I had hoped that it wouldn’t come for a long time.” Pinkie looked away. Twilight followed her gaze, to the black-out curtains that blocked out the light. They blew gently in the soft wind that leaked through the windows. In the silence, Twilight could hear the faint pattering of rain outside. The wind was eerie. It blew around Twilight legs and in her ears, moaning like a ghost.
Twilight looked back to Pinkie. Pinkie was now staring directly at her.
“You’re not going away, are you, Twilight?” Pinkie’s voice was ghostly. It was eerily monotone, devoid of all life and happiness. Twilight could see the shadows hiding in Pinkie’s eyes.
“…No.” Twilight finally spoke. “I’m not.” Pinkie’s eyes grew darker. She looked down.
“…You know, Twilight… until now, I thought I could just ignore my problems. Just push the darkness back into the depths of my mind and never have to deal with it again.” Pinkie pause for a long while. Twilight’s ear twitched. “…Guess I was wrong.” The smile never faded. It unnerved Twilight.
I have to keep smiling.
“…My parents were right all along, I suppose. They always told me, ‘Smile, Pinkie Pie! Smile and the demons can’t get you!’ I wish I’d listened to them.” Twilight watched Pinkie stroke her mane repeatedly.
“I could’ve… should’ve listened to my family when they told me to stay with them. I should’ve stayed home. They could’ve helped me there. They could’ve given me medicine. Could’ve kept the demons away. But… they can’t now.” Twilight saw a crack in Pinkie’s smile. A corner of it, just a tiny tip, curved down instead of up. Pinkie noticed and corrected it. She squinted her eyes shut.
“Why do I not listen to them, even after all these years?” Pinkie sighed a long, tired sigh. Twilight saw Pinkie’s cutie mark breaking up into pieces bit by bit.
I can’t give in.
“Pinkie… your cutie mark…” Pinkie put a hoof out to stop Twilight.
“I know, Twilight. I’ve known about that for a long time now. I just… always hoped it wouldn’t happen.” Pinkie looked at her fraying cutie mark.
“But, Pinkie--”
“Hush, Twilight. There’s nothing that can be done. I already checked.” Pinkie laughed a sorrowful laugh. “I looked through every book in that silly little library of yours, but nothing was there.”
“Silly little library? I--”
“I’m not insulting you, Twilight. That’s not what I meant by that. This just… happens at this point.”
Must keep going.
Pinkie sighed. Twilight bit her lip.
“Pinkie… you shouldn’t be smiling. I-I don’t know why you’re smiling. This seems like a serious problem you’re facing.” Pinkie looked at Twilight again. Her eyes were now impossibly dark.
“I know I shouldn’t be smiling. I know I should be crying for help.”
But I have to.
“I know I should be showing fear or sorrow.” Pinkie’ smile broke a bit more. She only felt it with her hooves this time. She didn’t fix it.
“A-and… If I frown, even the slightest bit, t-then they’ll… t-they’ll…” Pinkie shook her head. Her smile returned to normal.
“They’ll what?”
I can’t tell you.
“Who’s they?”
“You can’t know.”
“Why can’t I know? Is it ‘They’? Is that why?” Pinkie only nodded.
“But I just can’t tell you.”
“I-I understand, Pinkie.” Pinkie’s smile became a little more genuine.
“M-maybe I could help you.” Pinkie shook her head.
“No.”
“Why not?” Twilight’s ears folded back. Pinkie was silent. Twilight answered her own question.
“‘They.’” Pinkie only nodded.
“And ‘They’… are doing this to you?” another nod. Twilight looked away.
It hurts.
“I can’t tell you any more, Twilight.” Twilight only nodded. “I shouldn’t. It’d be bad.” Pinkie’s smile faded a bit.
“I wish I could tell you more. I really, really do. But I can’t.”
“I-I know, Pinkie.” Twilight attempted a comforting smile.
“I-I don’t to keep smiling. I don’t want to.” Pinkie looked at her hooves. “But I have… to keep smiling.” Pinkie looked away.
I don’t like it.
“W-what do you mean?” Twilight was scared that she wasn’t scared.
“I-I have to. I just have to.” Pinkie began rubbing her hooves nervously. Her grin turned psychotic.
“Pinkie?” Pinkie began rocking herself.
“I-I… I can’t let it show. I can’t let it escape.” Her ears twitched. “I-I can’t let them know I failed.”
I don’t want it.
“I have to keep smiling… I have to keep smiling…” Pinkie put her hooves on her head. Pinkie’s smile began turning into a frown.
“W-what…?”
“Have to keep smiling… T-they’ll hurt you… T-they’ll hurt her…”
But I need it.
“I-I can’t stop…”
“A-Are you…?” Twilight felt chills run down her spine. She could barely hear Pinkie muttering something to herself. The smile was nearly gone now.
“Pinkie, A-are you alright?”
“T-Twilight…” Tears began running down Pinkie’s cheeks. Twilight shivered. Her ears twitched.
“Y-yes?”
“D-do you have demons too?” Pinkie frowned.
And she has it.