Dear Spike,
I can not believe it! I can not believe that you have reverted back into wanting Rarity so bad that you would actually swap who you should get the gift for. I thought you had got over that crush but apparently not. What shocks me even further is that you would go and sing a sappy song for her. What shocks me the most is that she kissed you and now you're probably going to go start writing wedding invitations. Sorry Spike but you can not use the castle for the wedding. I'm sure your crush would want the wedding in Canterlot anyway.
Shocked You Got Rarity to Kiss You,
Your Owner
Dear Slave Driver Twilight,
You know what, you have no idea how happy I am that Rarity kissed me! She kissed me and I didn't even have to give her my birthday supper! I can feel it now, we're going to be getting married, our wedding will be in Canterlot and best of all, your parents will have to pay for it! This truly is the best Hearth's Warming Ever!
Soon to Be Rarity's Husband,
Spike
Dear Rainbow Dash and Discord,
Thank you so much for the huge monster! It will be perfect for my animal sanctuary, well once Discord returns it back to its normal size. Both of you know how much I love animals! Again thank both of you so much!
Loving Animals,
Fluttershy
Dear Fluttershy,
Rainbow was stressing so much about what to get you for Hearth's Warming but I knew exactly what you would want. I just made it bigger and meaner so you could tame it and show off your animal taming skills. We are both happy you like it.
Giving You Animals as Gifts,
Rainbow Dash and Discord
P.S. Just wait, that thing will wind up in Tartarus eventually just like Manny the Manticore because future writers will be too lazy to come up with anything else to stick in the background there. - Rainbow Dash
Flim and Flam,
Y'all are nothing short of a bunch of con-pony assholes. Seriously, conning ponies out of their money by selling shitty dolls? Ah should have known y'all would only be doing this to expand your resort. Y'all should be ashamed of yourselves.
Still Hating Your Guts,
Applejack
Applejack,
Come now, we were only doing it so we could pay the insurance costs so we could reopen the Wild Blue Yonder! Just wait until we tell that pegasus friend that YOU are responsible for us not being able to bring back that ride. Her and the rest of the Gold Horseshoe Gals are going to be so upset.
Knowing Crash Will Be Upset,
Flim and Flam
Dear Twilight,
Oh it was so cute to see you freaking out again! You have no idea how much I have missed seeing who was once my star student reverting back to her old ways. You know something, it brings back so many wonderful memories. Remember back when you freaked out over the friendship letter? Remember when you freaked out over exams before you matured? Remember when you freaked out over what to get your parents for Hearth's Warming the first year you lived with me? It brought back so many memories. You probably won't believe this but as your adoptive mother, seeing this made me tear up a bit.
Missing the Old Days,
Your Stepmother....Princess Celestia
Dear Princess Celestia,
What? In the past you would have burst into laughter over seeing me freak out! Never once did I think that YOU would get all sappy over it! Ok, we've had a ton of bad moments, years and years of bad moments but hearing you say this is all I need to know that you truly do view me as like a daughter. Please, I'm tearing up too now. I just wish all our moments could have been like this.
Your Stepdaughter,
Princess Twilight Sparkle
Dear Pinkie,
You're still as much of an overly sentimental crybaby who thinks she has to please everypony as ever. What I would like to know is where the hell you get all this money. Oh wait, those bakers you live with probably gave it to you. Damn it must be nice to only have to bake things and baby sit while Marble and I have to bust our flanks for fourteen hours a day, seven days a week. One thing I know for sure, you would never survive living out here now, never.
Your Hardworking Sister,
Limestone "The Best Pie Sister" Pie
P.S. Oh could you bring that yellow pegasus out to the rock farm sometime? Marble and I really need a release and we need a good sub.
Dear Limestone,
Look, there is no reason for you to be such a bitch, it is Hearth's Warming Eve after all and you better not even think about Fluttershy! I will tell this draconeqqus friend of hers that can rip the very fabric of reality with his claws and he will send you two to another dimension!
Looking to Protect Fluttershy,
Pinkie Pie
To the Writers,
One or two seconds is all? You know something, that is horribly disrespectful to the two most powerful ponies in all of Equestria. The least you could do is sometime write an origin story about us so that not everypony thinks we just materialized out of thin air or have been around since the beginning of time. It would be much appreciated.
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia and Princess Luna
To Celestia and Luna,
Look, it is not entirely up to us. If the big brass doesn't give us permission, we can't do it. You know, we would love to but please don't stress us out over this, we have enough problems already. Not only do we have to get ready for season nine but we have to think about what will happen next. We aren't sure if we'll even have jobs after that, well jobs involving My Little Pony anyway.
Sincerely,
The Writers
To the Writers,
You gave us next to no time. Now we are very unhappy about this but could you please do a special involving Hearts and Hooves Day where we get one another gifts, admit our love for one another and become marefriends? We would greatly appreciate it and we both know that many people would be happy as well.
Hoping to Be A Canon Couple Someday,
Starlight and Trixie
Starlight and Trixie,
We would but Twilight banned the celebration of Hearts and Hooves Day, remember? We certainly don't want to see you two ran though Twilight's torture devices, alright?
Looking Out for You,
The Writers
Discovery Family,
What the hell is up with this? You released a Hearth's Warming special and Nightmare Night hasn't even arrived yet! Now nopony had to say you had to wait clear up until right before the holiday but you could have waited until after Gluttony Day to release it!
Wondering Why,
The Fans
To the Fans,
Look, we did this when we did because it wasn't that far past the end of season 8 and the show would still be fresh in the minds of those who aren't truly devoted to the show. Not all the fans watch the reruns religiously like the author of this troll fic does. Hell a lot of you ignore our network from the end of the season clear up until the beginning of the next season. Hell you should be happy Hasbro gave you a Hearth's Warming special at all!
Best Regards,
Discovery Family