The following is a non-profit fan-based work of fiction. My Little Pony Friendship is Magic and all subsidiaries are owned by Hasbro studios, DMX media and Lauren Faust.
Cheating Death
Written by Wilizin
Edited by HoovesMcCoy, AuthorGenesis, and Anonymous
Chapter 2 - Water
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When I say the words “Everfree Forest,” what comes to your mind? A haunted forest filled with ghastly creatures that want to kill you? A densely packed area crammed with as many trees and shrubs as possible? A forest which has the unfortunate implication of being pure evil? How about all the above? Well, I hate to be the one to burst your bubble, but from what I saw the forest is none of those things. If I were to describe it I’d say it looks like a normal forest you could find out in the country.
I was no botanist but I could at least tell there was more than pine surrounding me. Cedar, elm, willow, there were trees from different biomes all surrounding me, like an all you can tree buffet. The underbrush was filled with many a fern and brush, hopefully none of it poisonous. Sounds of birds and other forest creatures surrounded me in a chorus of wildlife. Thankfully the sound of a jaguar or other large animal was not one of them. In comparison to what I was expecting, this forest seemed rather tame.
I saw what looked like a wolf in the distance, however the wolf kept said distance. Which was probably a good thing for him lest he tangle with me and my fists, though admittedly I’d probably be torn to shreds. I examined the trees and bushes around me; they looked like the same kind I studied in horticulture class, so at least this world had some familiarity to it. So, chock all that scary stuff up to good storytelling and creative license between interdimensional barriers.
You may be asking me, “How are you so sure this is the Everfree then?” It might have had to do with the freakishly huge ruin behind me that was obviously the Ancient Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters. Which if I remember my pony history, means that I’m very deep within the Everfree, oh joy. That would mean walking, and a lot of it. Well, when trapped in a forest... make like the romans do, or something.
Only then did I start to realize just how dangerous of a situation I had gotten myself into. If I was going to survive, I would have to determine what I had at my disposal. For one, I was still in the clothes I was wearing when I had… died.
Two, while the clothes were with me, none of the objects I had were. Cell phone, wallet, loose change, bus ticket, everything that was within my pockets was gone. I guess it was true that you couldn’t take your material wealth into the afterlife. I wasn’t disappointed though. How useful was a dead and out-of-range cell phone and some foreign currency going to be in a forest?
Three, all my survival skills were from my experience as a Boy Scout and whatever I could remember from the internet. The problem was that I quit Boy Scouts years ago, and I don’t have the internet at hand to help look anything up, leaving all my skill in the hands of my memory filled with bad comedy routines and cat pictures. With my head more clear, I decided to explore the surrounding area.
The castle was impressively tall. Stone walls extended skyward while vines and other greenery grown around and up the base. The line between forest and castle had long since faded and the two were intertwined in design. A couple trees seemed to grow right out of the walls and vines hung from stone windows like curtains.
I walked around to the front of the ruined castle and found a large stairway leading toward its entrance into the building itself. This castle must have been grand back when it was in use, but now it was a ruin with holes in the walls, broken stained glass windows and a few fallen towers. The large arch that held the doors to the castle had lost one of them, while the other barely hung onto the wall with only one hinge remaining attached.
“And yet this place is still in better condition than my high school was.” I said to myself, chuckling. As interesting as this building was it was not my destination. No, my real goal—the reason why I flipped-off death and screwed with afterlife paperwork—was to find that small town which I knew so well and yet had never seen with my own two eyes, Ponyville. I laughed at myself, “Damn, if I wasn’t already in Equestria, I’d swear I’ve gone mad… Then again maybe I am and this is all a figment of my imagination.” I hit myself in the head. “Nope. I can still feel pain… also I can now taste the color green. Odd. Hope that passes.”
After confirming that this was indeed real life and not some fantasy, I proceeded to look out for nearby landslides, lest I face some harsh reality. So opening my eyes, I looked up to the sky to see… the sun directly overhead, so I guessed it was noonish. Of course I was known for horrible estimation, so I took that with a grain of salt. Now I just had to work my way backwards from how the story went in the show of how they got here to the castle.
“Okay, so it would be bridge, spooky trees, manticore, river, and then cliffs.” I mused audibly, trying to work the path that the main characters had followed in those first two episodes. “Or was it bridge, river, manticore, spooky trees, then cliffs?” Of all the times for my memory to fail me, it would have to be right now. I shrugged, since I at least knew the general direction and if there was a path or something like it, I could easily find my way out of this forest and to some civilization. I also had at least half a day to do it, so I was rather confident that I could pull that off.
What I wasn’t so sure about, was my ability to survive the wildlife. I may have not been mauled yet, but that didn't mean that a chimera wasn’t hiding behind that bush around the corner waiting to strike. I hoped that maybe, just maybe I’d be able to avoid meeting any unsavory predators on my trek. Especially manticores, that would be as dangerous as it would be cliche. Though it could be worse, I could meet a dragon, or lich, or a Jehovah's Witness. Those last ones are a tricky bunch to hide from. I chuckled at myself before moving on away from the castle.
There was a dirt path that lead away from the ruined castle. After seeing it was the only path around I began to walk down it and towards what I hoped was civilization. In just a few minutes I came to the bridge I had remembered seeing on the show, and it was just as rickety and dilapidated in real life as it was in fiction. I gave the ropes a tug and they gripped the posts they were tied to firmly. It seemed safe enough, so I placed one foot on a board. It let out a groaning creak as it supported my weight. Slowly, I moved forward each step causing the boards to strain underneath me.
“Okay, I can do this.” I reassured myself, “Just don’t look down. Don’t look down. Don’t loo- FREAKIN’ HELL IS THAT A LONG WAYS DOWN!” I grasped the ropes on either side to sturdy my now quaking legs. You know that cartoony canyon that the coyote would always fall down? This was one of those, and I didn’t think cartoon physics applied to me. Swallowing my fear, I nervously continued onward, but I had gone only a few more feet before I heard a rapid tapping right behind me, so I turned around to see there was a bird behind me. It looked like your average woodpecker but it was where it was standing that made me nervous. The woodpecker had decided to make one of the supporting beams for the bridge its current perch and it was looking right at me.
“Hey little birdy.” I said in a soft tone to it. “You shouldn’t do that to that beam it’s what’s-” The bird ignored my request and continued pecking at the ropes connected to the support beams. My eye widened in shock and I flailed at the bird motioning it to stop. “No! Nononono! Stop you stupid bird!” I implored the woodpecker. I would have moved toward it, but I was already halfway across the bridge and was unsure if running to stop it might have the bridge break under my haste. The bird stopped thankfully, it looked right at me and… smirked? I swear to God that thing SMIRKED at me! It went right back to pecking on the rope while I started to dash to the other end of the bridge.
“Crapcrapcrap!” I cried as I ran down the bridge, the boards under me groaning and splintering under my weight. Suddenly one of the boards broke and I grabbed onto both of the ropes as my right leg fell through the bridge. My heart felts as though it might jump right out of my chest as I nearly fell through the bridge. Pulling myself back up, I slowly put my foot onto the safe plank that I was standing on, only for the bridge to lurch with a snap. I looked back to see that the woodpecker had pecked through almost half of the rope, and it was starting to strain. I lunged for the other side of the bridge which was now only about ten feet ahead of me. The bridge dropped again as more rope was cut by this murderous bird. I staggered only for a second as I put all my strength into one last sprint for safety. I heard a loud SNAP behind me and I leapt forward, flying through the air like a rock. The bridge gave way beneath my feet and I sailed like a graceful blimp to the edge of the cliff. My chest slammed into the cliff-side and I scrambled to cling onto anything to keep me from falling back. I was just out of reach of the support post but luckily there was an exposed root of a tree that I was able to cling to.
“Whew, that was way too close.” I said to myself. I pulled myself onto solid ground and enjoyed the nice, safe earth. I looked over at the woodpecker on the opposite side of the cliff who was still sitting on the post from which he had tried to murder me. He took to the air, chirping. It sounded like what I could swear was a Woody Woodpecker laugh. Great, so the woodpeckers around here are murderous psychopaths who watch cartoons. The sooner I was out of this crazy forest and away from everything that wants to kill me, the better.
With the bridge behind me I was one step closer to my goal. Thankfully, there was still a path before me which I could use to guide myself out of the forest. Leaving the bridge behind, I walked further into the woods. The trees soon became much sicklier looking and increased in numbers. In addition, brush and thistle bushes increased in both size and thickness. Soon the tree tops began to cover the skyline blocking out most of the sunlight. I had to squint to be able to see, and even then my sight was still very limited. While I walked I kept a lookout for any marker or landmark that could lead me through this mess.
After an hour or so the path beneath me soon disappeared and the ground became uneven. I started looking at every object hoping that one would look the least bit interesting or different and that it could give me some sign to the direction I was moving in.
“Tree…Tree…Tree… Brush…” I said to myself realizing that everything around me was practically the same type and shape of tree. It was like God had gotten lazy and just went “Ctrl + C” and “Ctrl + V” all over the place. The scenery to this forest was becoming more repetitive than a dubstep remix of “Hey Jude”. I sighed, knowing I was now hopelessly lost in the woods. “Hehe, lost woods.” I said chuckling and started to hum a familiar jumpy tune. My mind wandered back into counting the trees as it seemed to be the only thing to break the mind numbing bore-fest that was this forest.
“Tree… Tree… Brush… Tree… Manticore… Tree… Tr-” I stopped, I was hoping that I had hallucinated for a second there. I looked behind me and unfortunately I had not had a momentary lapse in sanity. There sleeping between two trees was a slumbering manticore, and DAAAAAAMN was it big. Its body was about the size of a Hummer and its scorpion tail was curled around itself like a giant kitten. If it wasn’t such a hulking behemoth of muscle that could kill me I would have thought it was quite adorable.
The manticore purred as it slept, like the thrumming of a muted chainsaw. I slowly backed away from the creature not wanting to wake it up and decide I would make a late afternoon snack. I turned around slowly and began to tiptoe away as quietly as I could. Then having a moment of genre savviness, I looked down to check for any branches on the ground. There just so happened to be one right where I would have stepped next. I smirked at my smug self, and stepped over the branch. No sir, I wouldn’t fall to any old clichés. I then walked face first into a low hanging branch and stabbed my eye with a pinecone.
“MUTHA’ FA-” was all I shouted before I slapped my hands over my mouth to block me from screaming obscenities. I turned around hoping that I hadn’t woken up the manticore only to see its golden eyes staring right at me. It looked irritated that I had awoken it from its slumber, and then it licked its lips. I ran away screaming like a scared little girl.
As I ran I could hear the underbrush being crushed behind me as the manticore gave chase. I ran in a zigzag pattern hoping it would slow down the beast, but it seemed to just plow right through everything in its path. My heart was pounding and my eyes were darting all over trying to find an escape or something I could do to slow down the beast. As I was looking everywhere but where I was running, I tripped over an exposed root and fell right in front of a smooth-looking tree. I scrambled to my feet and turned around to see the manticore not more than ten feet away from me ready to strike.
“Now now, kitty. I’m sure you’d want something much tastier than me. I mean… I’m nothing but skin and bones!” I said trying to reason with the monster. However, it seemed content on making me its breakfast and it leaped through the air right at me. I dropped to the forest floor and narrowingly avoided its claws as they impacted with the tree. Then something happened that I didn’t expect, the tree bent. It bowed like a bendy straw and stretched backwards. The manticore was confused by this—as was I—but its confusion was immediately replaced with panic as the tree shot back to its original position and catapulted the manticore through the air and above the tree canopy. I heard its roar as it sailed through the skies and crashed into the ground about several hundred feet away.
I stood there totally baffled by what just happened. I gave the tree a flick with my finger and it bounced a little. Then I got it, it was a RUBBER TREE. I laughed at the absurdity of it, until I realized that the manticore was coming back for me, only much more angry than before. I took off running again hoping that I had a good enough lead on the manticore that I’d be able to lose him. Ahead of me I heard a sound, which I recognized as roaring water! I doubled my efforts to move ahead, since if I could cross the river the manticore would lose my scent and I’d be home free!
I broke through the tree line to see a raging river ahead of me. It looked to be about 50 feet across and I could only guess as to how deep it was. Unfortunately, there was no time for being picky, as I had a raging furry death machine behind me and my options were limited. I dove right into the river and swam for the other side. The current was quite strong and I found myself moving more downstream than across the river. I heard a roar behind me and my eyes practically bulged out of their head. On the shore I had just left was the manticore running after me as the current carried me downstream.
I started swimming downstream with the current hoping I could escape it this way. The manticore, however, was stubborn and kept up with me as I went further down the river. I swam as fast as I could, my legs kicking and my arms swinging as hard as possible. Panic was a great motivator sometimes; it’s amazing what fear of being eaten does to you. In my mind, I was reliving all those summer camp memories of swimming.
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“No Jarod NO!”
“Let’s see how long you can hold your breath underwater DORK!”
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Ah, childhood memories.
I stopped swimming and decided to turn around to see how far I had gotten away from the manticore and was surprised to see he had given up! The manticore just stood at the shoreline and looked at me as I drifted further away from him. Ha! He must have realized that his brute strength was no match for my superior intellect, and I bet he… Why was the manticore waving and smiling at me… And why did I hear a faint rumbling sound?
I turned around to face the direction of the current and there was a faint mist rising in the distance. My brain’s gears slowly moved as I tried to think of what I was heading toward. Then it hit me, more accurately a partially submerged tree right in my nards hit me. Then it hit me why the speed of the current had increased.
“CRAPCRAPCRAP!” I shouted. I tried to swim to shore but the current kept pulling me back. I lashed out my hands to find a stone or log that I could grab onto, but all the rocks were covered with so much algae I couldn’t even get a solid grip. I turned around to see I was nearing the crest of the waterfall. It was in this moment I decided to face my fate with as much dignity as I possibly could.
“This is BULLSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII…” I yelled as I went over the edge. The waterfall was much higher than I anticipated and my heart practically leapt from my ribcage when I realized how high I was from the ground. The wind rushed past my ears, muting the roar of the waterfall. I closed my eyes and braced for the inevitable stop. I then hit the water with a loud crack and everything went black.
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I opened my eyes to see that I was not where I once was, in fact this place looked startlingly familiar. There was nothing but white all around me and… Oh crap I just died again didn’t I?
“Oh back so soon?” said a voice that I instantly recognized. I turned around to see Death tending to a fish tank that extended infinitely into the distance. “Such a shame; I had hoped you would last longer.” Still smug as ever, Death chuckled as he floated down from the impossibly wide fish tank. “Oh well, we cannot all be perfect. Now if you would not mind coming with me…” Death held out his hand motioning for me to take it. I, however, just stood there and stared at him. This didn’t match up, since if Death wanted to, he could have taken me by force. Why was he “asking” me to come with him? Shouldn’t he have total power over the dead or something like- And that’s when my cleverness shined through a second time that day.
“I’m not dead yet am I?” I said with a wide grin at Death. He flinched for a second but immediately regained his posture.
“No, you are most certainly dead. Falling off a cliff will do that to you.”
“I fell off a waterfall.” I retorted while moving to stand up.
“Well then, you missed the water.” Death was obviously grasping at straws, I almost felt bad for the guy… almost.
“No, I think I get it. I’m not dead yet. And you want to trick me to go with you so I’ll really die!”
“FINE! Congratulations. You figured me out. Still does not change the fact that you are going to die anyway.” Death shouted as he flipped his arms in the air.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“I MEAN, you are still unconscious, and there is no way I am going to allow you to wake up.” Death said to me with that usual smug attitude of his. That meant I was trapped in some sort of dream, and I knew there was one surefire way to wake up from a dream. I walked calmly up to Death and grabbed him by his robe. “Oh what, you think you can threaten me with violence? I am not scared of you mortal.”
“Oh but that’s the beauty of it, you aren’t the one I’m scaring.” I smiled as evilly as I possibly could.
“…WHAT?” were Death’s last word as I threw him straight into the giant aquarium. The glass shattered into a million pieces all the way down as far as you could see. Then came the torrent of water as it flowed towards me like moving wall. When it collided with me I felt the water rush to my lungs and my mind lit a fire with a need for air.
I struggled to move up towards the surface, and I felt it getting brighter and warmer. My lungs ached with every stroke and I started to become lightheaded. I was moving too slow, the surface was so far away, I couldn’t do it. Then I felt a deep rumbling above me, I struggled as hard as I could to get closer to the sound. My mind began to fade back into unconsciousness. “No not when I’m this close!” I thought to myself. The rumbling started to fade as I moved closer and closer, and my world began to darken once more.
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“Guaaaaah!” I inhaled as I broke the surface, then reeled back as I coughed out the water that had been plaguing my lungs. The coughing hurt badly, but I was relieved to have gotten some fresh air. I slowly paddled over to the side of the basin and flopped down on solid ground. I breathed deeply trying to catch my breath. “Oh ground… I will never leave you again.” I said between breaths. I flopped onto my back and looked up at the sky. It was much darker than it had been, and the shadows cast on the cliffside were long. It must be nearing evening, which meant I would be stuck in the forest overnight. Stuck in the Everfree, with murderous manticores and weaponized woodpeckers.
“Hehehe,” I chuckled at myself and my situation. “Like I’m gonna’ let a few animals kill me.” I stood up with my arms still very sore from all the swimming I had been doing. I looked at my current surroundings and was relieved that the forest wasn’t as dense here. In the distance I could see a mountain that stretched high into the sky and it didn’t appear to be that far away. I reasoned that that would be as good a landmark as any to head towards. Maybe I could even get a good look at the forest from up there. After wringing my shirt out of the excess water I marched toward my new goal with completely renewed and drenched vigor.
“No way in heck am I dying before I hug a pony!”