Playing House

by Krickis


vi

“God… I… I’ve never done this before, but… But I don’t know what else to do. I know that there’s no reason for you to do anything for me. I know I’ve never believed in you, and… even now, I can’t really bring myself to believe this will work, but… I need to try.

“I wish I did believe. I wish I thought Sky was in heaven, and that we’d be together again someday. I wish I could think that maybe Rose had to go when she did so that someone was there to look after Sky until Fluttershy and I get there. I wish I could give life and death meaning like that. I really do.

“I just can’t. I can’t. No matter how much better it would be, I can’t believe that. But… but Fluttershy does. She believes in heaven, and in you, and in all the stuff that’s just too good for me to wrap my head around.

“I think… that’s the part that really gets me about the whole thing. I think that it’s hard for me to believe anything as good as, well, as you could actually exist. I think for me… Fluttershy is the closest I can come to that. She’s so good, she’s the best thing someone like me could believe in.

“She… she doesn’t deserve this. She deserves to stay here with the people who love her. You know that. You have to know that. If you’re real, you have to know that Fluttershy doesn’t deserve to die.

“And if someone does, if someone has to go, then please… let it be me. I’ve done so many bad things that I’ll never be able to take back. I’ve tried to do a few good ones, but I know that doesn’t make up for it. But Shy… she’s perfect. Or as close to perfect as anyone ever could be. So please… let it be me instead of her.

“…There was something that happened. That night at the lake those years ago. Something that I never understood. When I was under the ice, I couldn’t see anything. And then… I saw the sun. I knew that was the way to go, and if I hadn’t, well… Applejack wouldn’t be here today.

“But that’s impossible. The sun had set, and the no light could get through the ice. I know that, but I saw it, and it led me to safety. I kind of always thought… maybe that was something. Maybe I didn’t just imagine that.

“And now I’m thinking… If you did that, if you helped me get Applejack to safety, then maybe you can help me now. Show me what to do. Give me, I don’t know, some sort of sign that I can use to figure out how to help Fluttershy.

“I don’t know what I’d do without her. And I know she’s too good for me, and that I could never deserve someone like her, hell, I don’t deserve to be happy at all. So even if she hates me, even if she wants to blame me for everything that happened and never wants to see me again, just…

“Please let her wake up.”