Ponyville Pawn Stars

by TimidWolf


Episode 4: If the Shoe Fits

I'm Cash Money, and this is my pawn shop. I work here with my sire, Old Money; and my colt, Big Hoss.

Everything in here has a story and a price. One thing I've learned in all my years in Ponyville, is that you never know what is going to trot through that door.

This is Ponyville Pawn Stars.

As another day at the Silver Saddle Pawn Shop started, Big Hoss trotted into work that morning with an uncharacteristic spring in his step. He smiled and whistled happily as he made his way through the showroom and toward the back office. Cash saw his son coming and knew exactly what was up.

My son is this happy twice a month for one reason and one reason only, he said on-camera. That's because today is payday at the shop. He's almost never in this good of a mood, even on his birthday. Which is exactly why I chose this day to enact my plan...

"Alright Pops, where's the ledger?" Big Hoss asked as he entered the office. "Time to sign for that sack o' bits that makes this job mean something."

"Sure thing, son," Cash said as he pulled a large hardcover book out of his desk drawer with his teeth. He tossed it upon his desk, opened the book and flipped to the current payroll page where everypony would sign for their wages. Big Hoss already had a quill in his mouth, but before he could sign next to his name Cash put down another piece of paper on top of the page.

"What's this?" Big Hoss asked.

"Just some training for the office, nothing major," Cash explained. "Just sign it and you can have your pay."

"Okay, whatever," Hoss said as he signed the paper.

"Great," Cash said as he slid the paper away and closed the book. "Now let's go."

"What the...where are we going?" Hoss asked.

"You and I are going to do some sensitivity training this morning," Cash said.

"What? 'Sensitivity training?'" Hoss asked as he motioned to Old Money and Derpy. "Are they going, too?"

"Nope."

"Is anypony else in the shop going?"

"Just you and me, son," Cash said.

Big Hoss narrowed his eyes at his father. "Alright, pops, what's with the bait-and-switch?" He asked. "How come we're the only ones going to this 'sensitivity training' today?"

"Well son, I'm starting to get concerned about us. Ever since you started working here we've been arguing a lot," Cash said.

"We've always argued, Dad," Hoss said. "Ever since I was little we've argued. In fact, it's kind of our family tradition. Why fix it now?"

"Because I'm afraid it'll start affecting the business, and when it does it'll make things even worse between us," Cash explained. "Last week Derpy suggested..."

"Derpy?!" Hoss exclaimed. He turned to glare at the gray mare as she snacked on her breakfast muffin. She stopped eating and smiled nervously as Hoss asked, "Derpy, what did you tell my dad?"

"Um, well," she said, "I just kinda told him that I've seen you two yell at each other a lot, and that I knew a great counselor you guys could talk to..."

"A counselor?" he asked. He looked at Cash and continued, "You said this was training, not therapy."

"It is training, son," Cash said. "Think of it as training in being better and nicer ponies."

"Well if that's the case, shouldn't Gramps be in on this, too?" Big Hoss asked. "Why isn't he going?"

"Because I'm old," Old Money cut in, "and you can't teach an old pony nothin'."

"Come on, son," Cash said as he started to walk out of the office. "We have an appointment, let's go."

"Fine," Hoss said indignantly. He started to walk with his father before he turned around, went up to Derpy and said, "Listen, you're my friend and I'll probably appreciate this idea of yours later. But if you ever suggest something like this to my dad again, let me just say that you better inspect the next few muffins you plan to eat in this store before you take that first bite."

"Big Hoss! Let's get a move-on!" Cash called.

Hoss joined his father and left Derpy with a wide-eyed, concerned look on her face as she looked at the muffin in her hoof.

About a half-hour later, a yellow earth pony mare trotted into the shop and walked up to the counter where Old Money and Derpy greeted her.

"Hi there!" Derpy said cheerfully.

"Hello," the yellow mare said.

"Good morning, young lady," Old Money said. "What can we do for you today?"

"I have something odd here that I hope you'll be interested in buying," she said before she stuck her nose into the saddlebag she wore, pulled out a shiny brass and glass object and set it on the table. "I'm pretty sure that these are eyeglasses, but they have four sets of lenses on them."

"Hmm," Old Money thought aloud. "Well, they are some kind of glasses and they're definitely odd. Hey Derpy," he said as he looked at her, "I think we've got something to fix those peepers of yours."

"What're you talking about, boss?" She asked. "There's nothing wrong with my eyes. You're the one who can't read those forms lately."

"Well," the yellow mare said as she looked at Derpy's crossed pupils. Then she looked at Old Money's eyes, which were nearly obscured by heavy eyelids and wrinkly bags beneath them. She continued, "maybe once you buy them from me the two of you can share them."

I can see just fine, Old Money said in his on-camera interview. I just hold those forms extra close to my face 'cause I want to make sure my employees are doin' business they way they're supposed to. In any case, these particular glasses aren't for reading or just to see things better. They're a specialized tool and they can be particularly hard to come by.

"How did you happen to get these?" Old Money asked the customer.

"I was cleaning out my mom's attic and I found these at the bottom of a box," she answered. "She said she had them for many years but couldn't recall where she got them. Do you know what they are?"

"I certainly do, miss," the old stallion answered. "These are binocular magnifying glasses. They're the kind of thing used by a watchmaker, jeweler or maybe a toy maker in order to see his work better. Whenever they needed to set tiny gears or put small details onto things, they'd put these on and get real close to whatever they're workin' with." He scooped up the glasses in his hoof, looked at Derpy and said, "Here, put these on so I can show her."

Derpy let Old Money put the glasses on her face. He pressed down on the tiny arms connected to each lens to lift them out of the way of the large lens, making her yellow eyes look big and bulbous. "Whoa," she said as she looked around the store with them.

"Now she can see things a little closer - and clearer, I'm sure - than before. But if she wanted to look extra close at something, she would just move these other lenses like this," Old Money said as he pushed each of the arms on one set of lenses until all three were in front of the main lens. "Now the lenses are at full power, and she can see even the smallest details."

"Yeah, I'll say!" Derpy said as she looked at Old Money's hoof. "Your hooves look kinda gnarly, boss. Do you bite them? Ever heard of a hooficure?"

"Alright, you, that's enough," Old Money said as he pulled the glasses off Derpy's face and she blinked her vision back into focus. He put them down on the counter and asked the yellow mare, "So how much do you want for them?"

"Well, they look pretty old," she said, "so how about a hundred bits?"

"I'd be a buyer at sixty-five," Old Money countered.

The customer thought for a moment and asked back, "Could you do ninety?"

"Nope. Seventy-five is as high as I'll go."

"You sure you can't do eighty?"

"Seventy-five, miss," Old Money said firmly. "They're old and interesting, but they're a little too beat up and scratched for me to offer any more."

The yellow mare looked over the glasses one more time, nodded and said, "Okay then, fair enough."

"Very good," Old Money said as they shook hooves. "Let's go do up some paperwork. Derpy, take these glasses and tag them. Go ahead and wear them if you need to see the form better."

"Yeah, okay boss, right after I let you break them in!" Derpy said as she picked up the glasses. She put them on her head but not over her face and took them to be tagged.

I think I got a good deal for them, the customer said on-camera outside of the store. They were just sitting in the attic collecting dust and nopony was about to start using them. But if anypony looked like they needed to see the eye doctor, then those two probably should. Maybe they can share those glasses until they get their own!

Just outside of town, the camera followed the father and son earth ponies as they walked up to the tree where they were about to meet with their "sensitivity training counselor."

"Dad, how can you be sure this is a good idea?" Big Hoss asked. "It's not like she's a real doctor or anything."

"She comes highly recommended, son," Cash said. "And so what if she's a doctor or not? I didn't think you cared that much about this appointment."

"I don't, but if we're going to do this I want it done right," Hoss said. "I mean, for crying out loud, Dad, she's got birdhouses hanging all over her tree like some crazy bird lady."

"That doesn't matter. Now pipe down," Cash said as they reached the front door. He knocked on the door with a front hoof.

A moment later it opened and revealed a lovely yellow mare with flowing pink hair. She greeted them softly, "Oh, good morning, Mr. Cash, Mr. Big Hoss. You're right on time. Please, come in."

"Thanks for having us over, Fluttershy," Cash said as he and Big Hoss walked in.

Cash talked to me the other day about his concerns with his son and asked if I wouldn't mind helping him address them with Big Hoss, Fluttershy said on-camera in front of her house. Well, I was more than happy to help. After all, I believe it's important that in a family business like theirs, everyone in the family is happy, kind and supportive of each other. Cash laughed at me when I said that to him, so I had a feeling that this might be a little more difficult than I thought...

"Thank you for coming," Fluttershy said as she closed the door behind them. She motioned to a couch pulled up to a table. "Please have a seat. Would you like some tea?"

"No, thanks," Big Hoss mumbled.

"Tea would be great, thank you," Cash told her.

"I'll be right back," Fluttershy said as she walked into the kitchen area and started prepping the tea.

The two colts sat on the couch and waited for Fluttershy to come back with the tea. Big Hoss slouched way down on the couch, like a schoolcolt waiting to be seen in a doctor's office. Cash nudged him hard in the side.

"Sit up, son," Cash whispered with a rasp, "and at least pretend to want to be here."

"I am," Big Hoss whispered back through gritted teeth.

Fluttershy came back carrying a tray in her mouth with a small teapot and three teacups. "Here we go, sirs," she said after she put it down on the table. She poured a cup for herself and Cash.

"Thank you," Cash said as he picked up his cup and took a sip.

"And Mr. Big Hoss, I went ahead and brought you a teacup just in case you changed your mind," Fluttershy said as she picked hers up and sipped it.

"Thanks," he mumbled.

"Okay then," she said as she put her cup down and took a seat on another sofa at the table. "Let's get started. First I have a little paperwork we need to take care of." Just then, a fluffy white bunny holding some papers and a quill hopped onto the table. "Angel here will help me record the findings of our meeting today."

"Her assistant is a bunny rabbit?" Hoss whispered to Cash. "Real professional."

"Shh," Cash hushed him.

"Now, Mr. Cash, can I have your full name please?" Fluttershy asked.

"Cash Money."

Angel scribbled on the papers. "Occupation?" Fluttershy asked.

"Pawnbroker."

"Number of children?"

"One," he said, looking at Big Hoss. "And he still acts like a kid sometimes."

Big Hoss grunted at him.

"Thank you," Fluttershy said. "That's all for you, Mr. Cash."

"What, that's it?" Big Hoss asked. "You already knew those things about us, Fluttershy, so why did you have to ask?"

"It's just part of procedure," she explained to him. "Now, could I have your full name, please?"

"It's Big Hoss, you already know that."

"I'm sorry, but I need your legal name, not your nickname, if that's okay with you."

"What? Are you serious?" He asked incredulously. "I haven't gone by that name in years."

"Just answer the question, son," Cash said.

Big Hoss grunted again and glared at his father. Cash glared back at his son. Hoss sighed and said, "Fine."

"So," Fluttershy asked patiently, "your name?"

"Cash...Money," Hoss answered unwillingly.

"Cash Money...is there something after that?" Fluttershy inquired.

"Junior," Hoss blurted out. "There. My legal name is Cash Money, Jr."

"Thank you," Fluttershy said as Angel wrote on the forms. "And you're a pawnbroker as well?"

"Junior isn't, but Big Hoss is," Hoss said.

Cash elbowed him again and said, "Leave the smart mouth in the stable, son."

"Okay then," Fluttershy said. "Now, I understand that you two are having some problems communicating with each other. Cash, would you like to share your feelings about this issue?"

"Well," Cash said, "I feel like I'm really trying hard to show Big Hoss how the store is run. But often times, when I'm trying to show him the right way to do things, I get ignored and Hoss goes and does whatever he wants."

"Uh huh," Fluttershy said as she nodded, then looked at Big Hoss and asked, "Big Hoss, would you like to tell your father how you feel about what he just said?"

"All right," Big Hoss said as he looked at Cash. "Dad, you're a moron if you think I don't know how to run the shop."

"Um, Big Hoss?" Fluttershy interjected, "Let's try not to insult one another during our session. Instead, tell your father what you're feeling right now."

"Okay then," Big Hoss said with a hint of sarcasm. "Dad, I feel that you're a moron if you think I don't know how to run the shop."

Cash sighed. "Son, if you want this to work then you have to take it more seriously than this."

"Come on, Dad, you can't possibly believe this is supposed to help us somehow!" Hoss exclaimed. "I mean, look, we're talking to Fluttershy in a tree covered inside and out with birdhouses. And then then there's this bunny who..." He stopped to notice that Angel was scribbling something on the forms. Hoss pointed to Angel and asked Fluttershy, "What's he doing?"

"Oh, he's just writing down what happens in our session, so I can make a clear diagnosis," Fluttershy explained.

"'A clear diagnosis,' she says," Hoss repeated. "This is absolutely ridiculous. I must be going crazy..."

Angel scribbled on the paper some more.

"Hey, don't write that!" Hoss said to Angel.

Angel scribbled some more.

"I said don't write that!" Hoss repeated.

Angel kept writing.

"Stop writing!" Hoss yelled.

Angel wrote some more.

"Stop writing!"

Cash put a hoof to his face and shook his head. "This is going to be a long session," he said to himself.

Meanwhile back at the shop, Old Money dozed off at his desk. His lunch-hour catnap was interrupted by a small explosion that came from the front counter. It woke him up and he coughed on the soot that gathered in front of his face. "Damn it, Derpy!" He shouted in between coughs. "What did you do this time?!" He got up and walked to the front counter to find not Derpy, but a blue mare wearing a magician's hat and cape. He looked at her for a moment and recognized the pony. The explosion was, in fact, one of her trademark smoke bombs.

"Oh," he said as he coughed again and cleared his throat. "I know you."

"Of course you do!" She exclaimed. "For I am the Great and Powerful Trixie!"

Old Money shook some soot off of his mane and coughed again. "Good for you, young mare," he said. "Now I hope you've got something to sell me. Your little entrance just dirtied up my store and now I've gotta pay somepony to clean it."

"Well, Trixie would hardly call this place spotless to begin with, but that is beside the point. I do have something to sell you: something that will amaze and astound you. Behold!" Trixie said dramatically as she magically lifted her hat to reveal what appeared to be a crystal ball with an ornate brass stand balanced on top of her head. She lifted it off with her magic and placed it upon the counter.

Old Money looked at it for a moment, then looked at Trixie and said, "It's a glass ball."

"It most certainly is not, pawnbroker!" Trixie retorted as she lifted it off of the stand with her magic. As she made the ball glow and weaved it through the air, she explained, "This is, in fact, a magician's crystal scrying ball, passed down through generations of mages throughout the ages. It has transmitted visions of the past, present and future, and functions as a conduit to wonders beyond the mind's comprehension." She set the ball back down on the stand and its glow faded as she finished, "It's a must-have item for any pony worth their salt as a master of the magical sciences."

"Uh huh," Old Money said, unimpressed. "So if it's so great, why're you selling it?"

"Well, Trixie is making plans to travel and perform again," she said, "and even great and powerful ponies need a little startup capital for their endeavors."

"Okay then," Old Money said. "So how much do you want for it?"

"Trixie believes that five thousand bits is a proper price for a device of this awesome power!" She proclaimed proudly.

Old Money looked at Trixie with narrowed eyes. "Oh really?" He asked. "Five thousand for a glass ball?"

"It's crystal," she insisted.

Old Money sighed, sat down and tapped the ball with his front left hoof. "Miss Trixie, do you take me for an idiot?" He asked.

"Well, ask a stupid question..." She said.

The old stallion picked up the ball, balanced it on the end of his left hoof and rolled it along his foreleg. "'Cause you're a damn fool if you do," he said as he popped the ball into the air, caught it on the end of his right hoof and repeated the motion.

"Hey, what are you doing? Stop that!" Trixie ordered.

Old Money popped the ball into the air again and caught it on his head, then let it roll down his face and onto his left hoof before he placed it back upon the brass stand. "Missy, I've been appraising crystal since I was knee-high to a grasshopper," he said as he pointed to the ball, "and that ain't no crystal. It's glass. And it's cracked."

"You, sir, are the one who is cracked!" Trixie retorted. "Any imperfections you see are merely striations from the massive influx of magical energy this device has transmitted over years of use."

"My left hoof they are," Old Money said. "This thing is a novelty. It's probably one of the few things of yours that weren't destroyed when you brought that Ursa Minor through town."

"How dare you!" She said, appalled. "And for the record, the Ursa Minor incident was the doing of those schoolcolts, not Trixie!"

"Bottom line, Trixie," Old Money said firmly, "is I don't want it. So take your glass ball and see your way outta my store."

Trixie scowled, then magically swept the ball and stand off of the counter and back under her hat. "Fine then!" She huffed. "But rest assured, this is not the end. This will not be the last you've seen of the Great and Powerful Trixie!"

Another smoke bomb obscured Old Money's vision for a moment, then he caught a glimpse of her cape as she galloped out of the store. He coughed again and shook more soot out of his mane. "Derpy!" He called for her. "I need you to come and dust off the mess that the Great an' Conceited Trixie left behind!" He shuffled back to his desk, determined to finish his nap. As he sat back down in his chair he grumbled to himself, "Some ponies' foals..."

Back at Fluttershy's tree cottage, tempers were flaring between Cash and Big Hoss. Angel had quit writing and ran off some time ago, and Fluttershy's birds were so frightened by the yelling that they either took refuge in their houses or left the cottage altogether. Fluttershy herself was trying to keep the meeting together, but her timid pleas fell upon angry ears.

Our meeting today wasn't going nearly as well as I had hoped, Cash confessed on-camera. For most of the session Hoss and I were arguing over which pony made the other's life more miserable. Right now I feel real sorry for Fluttershy. I don't think any of her dealings with her animal friends could have prepared her for a meeting like this...

"Do you know what your problem is, Dad?" Hoss asked.

"I don't think I have a problem, but if you think I do then let's hear it!" Cash retorted. "You obviously think you know me better than I do!"

"Um, sirs," Fluttershy said meekly, "you two have been carrying on like this for forty-five minutes..."

"That right there is the problem!" Hoss said as he ignored Fluttershy. "You're so full of yourself!"

"If we could just step back for a minute, sirs..." she said.

"Oh, come off it, son!" Cash dismissed his son's accusation.

"It's true! You think you're so great because you have this successful store and nopony could spoil it," Hoss said. "That is, not until I started working for you. Then what happens? All of a sudden it's about holding the store together, and making sure I get responsibility but not too much because you're sure I'll buck it all up if I do!"

"Sirs!" Fluttershy protested softly. "The harsh language I'm hearing will not resolve the issue!"

"Well, what do you want me to say, Hoss?" Cash asked in exasperation. "You think those years of me bailing you out of the trouble you put yourself in hasn't at all affected my trust in you?"

"I got in all that trouble because of you!" Hoss accused.

"Oh really?" Cash asked. "How's that?"

"Because I was 'Junior,' remember? And 'Junior' was always getting made fun of! All the other schoolcolts were like, 'So your name's Junior, huh? Why were you named that? Because Rent Money and Milk Money were taken?'" Hoss explained, imitating a schoolcolt's voice.

"Okay, this is good," Fluttershy said. "Now we're getting somewhere..."

Hoss continued, "Seriously, Dad, 'Junior' is the dumbest name you could have given me. You really could have named me something better. But it's like you didn't even care enough to. So I had to become Big Hoss. And it got me everything: big attitude, big friends, big respect..."

"Yeah, and big trouble!" Cash interrupted. "Look, Hoss, I'm sorry you don't like your name..."

"I hate it!" Hoss yelled. "I've always hated it!"

"Okay, just hold on a minute, Hoss," Fluttershy said.

"But it's your name!" Cash yelled back. "You should have just sucked it up and accepted it!"

"Oh yeah, suck it up!" Hoss repeated sarcastically. "That's your answer for everything!

"Hey, the both of you be quiet!" Fluttershy screamed over them. The two stallions fell silent and looked at the fuming yellow pegasus, who was now flapping her wings and hovering over them. "Okay, you two! I invite you into my home, offer you some tea and pleasant conversation and what happens? You both yell at the tops of your lungs about each other, scaring all my birds and not letting me get a word in edgewise. Well listen here, you grumpy colts: I'm sure deep down inside, beneath all that yelling is a love that you both have as father and son. Otherwise why would you be yelling at each other in the first place? It doesn't make any sense! Big Hoss, I know you hate your real name, but could you understand for just a moment that your father named you that because he loves you and wants to continue a special legacy with you? One that only the two of you can share?"

Big Hoss pondered it for a moment and said softly, "Uh, yeah, I think I can see that..."

"And you, Cash," she continued, "can't you tell that your son is really trying hard to please you and earn your approval by being a hard worker and redeeming his troubled past?"

Cash also replied softly, "Well, sure, that makes sense..."

"Okay then!" Fluttershy declared, "Then my best suggestion to you both is to take some time to really try and understand how the other pony is feeling instead of reacting to the first thing he says or does. And I prefer that you two go and do that far away from me and my animals until everything's resolved. Now get out of my house!"

The stallions stared back at her blankly, unsure of what to say next. Fluttershy gently floated back down to her couch, looked at a clock on the wall and said softly, "Okay, I think that's all the time we have for our session today. Do we think we'll be scheduling a followup visit?"

Hoss could only muster an, "Uh..."

Cash then spoke up, "We'll let you know."

They returned to the shop later that afternoon. When Cash and Big Hoss came back, they entered the office area and saw Old Money doing paperwork at his desk. He was wearing the magnifying glasses and using all four sets of lenses to see.

"Gramps, what on earth are you wearing?" Hoss asked.

"Some magnifying glasses Derpy and I bought off a mare after you two left," he answered as he continued to study the paperwork with them. He looked like a mad scientist analyzing a complex schematic.

"Dad," Cash said, "if you really can't see what's on the forms, you should just tell me and we'll get you some real glasses."

"I can see just fine," the old-timer said as his bug eyes looked over the form. "I'm just studying all the details."

"Of what, that drop of ink?" Hoss asked.

"Ya'll think you're funny, don't ya?" Old Money asked sarcastically as he took off the glasses. He blinked a few times, looked at Cash and asked,"So how did y'alls training go today?"

"Oh, just great," Cash said as he sat in his chair. "We went to Fluttershy's house, had some tea and argued for about an hour before she screamed her head off about how Hoss and I really must love each other if we yell at each other this much. And then she kicked us out."

"That sounded like fun," Old Money said as he looked at something in the showroom, then leaned over in his chair to tap Cash with a hoof. "Tag, you're it. You got a customer up there."

"What? Seriously?" Cash asked, looking where his father just looked. "Dad, I just got back."

"You ain't been off the clock, son," Old Money said. "Me and Derpy have been workin' our tails off here while y'all have been getting your heads shrunk. Now get out there and make me a sale."

Cash grumbled something under his breath as he got up and trotted across the store to the waiting customer, a red earth pony colt with a black mane slicked back. He wore a large black saddlebag and chewed a wooden toothpick. Cash greeted him, "Hey there, can I help you?"

"You certainly can," the red pony said with a grin, keeping his toothpick between his teeth. "Are you Cash?"

"I am," he answered.

"The name's Slick," he said as he slipped his bag off, "and I've got a deal for you."

"You don't say..." Cash said as he wondered what this pony might have to offer.

Ponies like this make me suspicious, Cash said on-camera. The guy obviously thinks whatever he has is something that he's going to convince me to buy. Plus he just looks kind of shifty to me. I try not to judge others before I get to know them, but it's hard not to in this business. Everything about him is setting off all kinds of red flags in my head. I'll hear him out and see what he has for me, but I don't think I'll be able to trust him as far as I can kick him.

"So what've you got for me, Slick?" Cash asked.

"Word on the street is that you like famous stuff, am I right?" He asked back as he rummaged through his bag.

"I do if it's worth anything," Cash said.

"Well, feast your eyes on this!" Slick exclaimed as he pulled out a large wooden box, placed it upon the counter next to him and opened the lid. Inside was a tall and gleaming golden horseshoe with a familiar flourish at the front.

Cash stared at it for a moment and asked, "Is that what I think it is?"

"Yes indeed, my friend!" Slick said, "This is, in fact, a genuine solid-gold royal shoe made for and worn by our great leader, Princess Celestia herself!"

"Well, it sure looks like it," Cash said as he gave the shoe a closer look. He saw that the inside of the shoe appeared to be worn, scratched and dented from the continued impact of a hoof against the metal. He also noticed that the color of the metal appeared to be more yellow than gold in places. "Do you mind if I asked where you got it? You didn't sneak into her palace and steal it, did you? I shouldn't expect her to burst in here at any second demanding her shoe back, should I?"

"Of course not!" Slick said. "But I'd like to keep how I got this beauty to myself, if you don't mind. Besides, if I told you then you'd probably go lookin' for the other three, am I right?"

"The thought did cross my mind," Cash said. "Would you mind if I picked this up and looked at the bottom?"

"Be my guest," Slick said.

Cash put a front hoof into the shoe, lifted it out of the box and inspected the bottom of the shoe. It was also scratched and dented, presumably from years of walking along a variety of surfaces. He also noticed how heavy the shoe felt, more so than he would have imagined for a solid-gold shoe. "Wow, this thing is heavy. You have to wonder how she can walk around in four of these," Cash remarked. "And who would've thought the princess and I had the same shoe size?"

"It looks good on ya," Slick joked.

"Yeah, but I think I'd prefer something in a different color," Cash joked back. The two of them laughed and Cash put the shoe back in the box. "So how much do you want for it?" He asked.

"Well, for a royal item of this nature I would ask for fifty thousand bits from any other pony," Slick said. "But since I know you're a real reputable pony around these parts, and one who seems to know a good thing when he sees it, I'll offer it to you for half-price."

"Twenty-five thousand, huh?" Cash asked. He pondered this offer for a moment.

Okay, this is an interesting situation, Cash shared in another interview. We don't see many things related to royalty come into the shop, much less a shoe made for a demigod princess. I don't think my dad has ever seen something that's belonged to royalty come into this store before, so I can't really ask his opinion on this. I can't exactly ask Derpy to go fly down the street and ask the princess if she's lost a shoe. And I'm not even sure if I should judge the value of this thing as footwear or jewelry. But besides all of that, I'm still convinced that either something about this guy isn't right or something is rotten in Canterlot. So I think it's about time that I called in my expert.

"Well, Slick," Cash said, "I admit that I'm intrigued by what you've brought in here. But I need to know more about it before I can make you an offer. Since you won't tell me anything else about this shoe, I'd really like for my resident fashion expert to come in and take a look at it. You wouldn't mind waiting for a minute while I send for her, would you?"

Slick chewed on his toothpick for a moment, then shrugged and said, "Why not? Go ahead, I'll be waiting."

"Thanks, I'll be right back," Cash said as he turned and went to send for his expert.

Awhile later she arrived. The purple-maned white unicorn held her head high as she trotted into the shop and called, "Here I am, Mr. Cash! Ready to lend my expert opinion on your latest find!"

I am Rarity: resident fashionista, acclaimed designer and expert in all things fabulous! She proudly proclaimed to the camera. My designs are in constant demand and I strive to stay on the up-and-up in current fashion trends. Lately my boutique has been experiencing a surge in requests, so I have been constantly occupied with my work. But when I received Cash's message today I simply had to drop everything and see what had come into his shop for myself...

"Good to see you again, Rarity!" Cash greeted back to her. "Staying busy?"

"As always, Cash, but never too busy to help a friend," Rarity said. "So is it true? Do you actually have an item belonging to royalty in your shop right now?"

Cash motioned toward the closed wooden box. "In there," he said. "Slick?"

Slick put a hoof on the box, looked at Rarity and said, "How's this for royalty?" He opened the box.

Rarity looked wide-eyed at the shoe for a moment and her mouth opened a little. After a moment, she spoke, "Oh my goodness. Oh my word. Is that?"

"It is," Slick said.

"How in all of Equestria did you acquire one of Princess Celestia's shoes?" Rarity asked with equal parts astonishment and suspicion.

"He won't say," Cash spoke up. "He's keeping mum about the whole thing, so I need you to give this your best expert review in order to verify its authenticity for me."

"It would be my great pleasure to, Cash," Rarity told him. She looked at his customer and said, "Sir, I will need to remove the shoe from its box in order to conduct a proper evaluation. May I?"

"Go right ahead," Slick said.

Rarity used her magic to lift the shoe out of the box. She turned it around and around as she scrutinized it from every angle. The golden reflections off of the shoe's finish lit up her face in a yellowish hue. For nearly a minute she said nothing and wore a look of intense concentration upon her face.

Finally, she stopped turning the shoe around, looked at Cash and asked, "Have you made any offers on this yet? Did you see the jeweler's mark? Did you do any tests on the metal?"

"No, no and no," Cash answered. "I wanted you to check this out first, seeing as how you're probably one of the best experts on royalty in town."

"And it's a good thing you did," she said as she abruptly cut off her magic and let the heavy shoe drop back into the box, "because this shoe never did belong to the princess. It's a fake."

"What?!" Slick exclaimed as his toothpick flew out of his mouth. "Are you for real?"

"Absolutely, without a doubt," Rarity affirmed. "I know that every piece of metal Princess Celestia wears is custom-crafted by her own jeweler, who stamps his personal mark on everything he creates. I've seen that jeweler's mark for myself, and it's not stamped anywhere on that piece of scrap."

"Excuse me?!" Slick bellowed. "A piece of scrap?!"

"Yes, scrap's exactly what this thing is," Rarity said. "It might look pretty, but I couldn't detect a trace of precious metal in that thing."

"And how do you know that, missy?" He asked, becoming more livid.

"I could sense it through my magic," Rarity said confidently. "I am extremely adept at detecting precious metals and gemstones. But your piece has nothing of the sort. It's a dud."

Cash asked Rarity, "So you're positive that this shoe couldn't have belonged to Princess Celestia?"

"Without a doubt," Rarity said. "Somepony must have spent a lot of time trying to make this fake appear genuine. Even the wear patterns on it looked convincing." She then looked right at Slick and said, "A clever effort, but not clever enough."

Slick said nothing. He just stared coldly at her.

Cash then looked at Slick and asked, "You sure you don't have something to say about this?" When he didn't respond, he continued, "Well, I trust her judgement, so I'm afraid I'm going to have to pass. Sorry."

"She's wrong," Slick said indignantly. "She doesn't know what she's talking about. It's real."

"No, it's not, and I don't want it."

"Really? You're going to listen to this prima donna and pass this up?"

"I beg your pardon!" Rarity exclaimed.

"Yes, I am," Cash affirmed. "Now take your fake shoe and get out."

"What?" Slick asked.

"Did I stutter? I said get out of my shop."

"Do you know what your problem is?" Slick asked angrily.

"I've heard I have a lot of problems..." Cash muttered.

"Your problem is that you don't know a good thing when you see it," Slick said as he turned and positioned himself in front of one of Cash's counters. "I should've known that about you when I saw all the worthless junk in here!" Slick went up on his forelegs and gave the counter behind him a hard buck. The sounds of shattering glass, breaking wood and clattering merchandise filled the store, which scared nearby ponies and sent them running for cover.

Big Hoss heard this from the back office where he was doing paperwork. He got up from his work to investigate and saw the scene unfolding from across the showroom.

"Hey!" Cash was now in the angry pony's face and started to fume. "I'm telling you right now, get the buck out! You can walk out or I can drag your flank out!"

"Just who do you think you are?!" Rarity cut in as she stood on her hind legs and put up her front hooves . "Nopony destroys my friend's store or insults my expertise and gets away with it!"

Cash looked at her. "Rarity, don't," was all he could say before Slick landed a hoof across his face and knocked him to the floor. Now Slick got up in Rarity's face.

"You want some of this, lady?" He threatened.

Hoss saw Slick assault his father and cried out, "Dad!" He narrowed his eyes, gritted his teeth and scraped a front hoof against the floor twice before he took off toward Slick at a full gallop. "Look out everypony!" He yelled as the ponies in front of him moved out of his way. "Here comes Big Hoss!"

Slick was staring down Rarity when he looked over and saw Big Hoss charging toward toward him. "What the," was all he could say before Hoss jumped into the air and landed a piledriver on top of him. Rarity had dodged out of the way just in time as Hoss's hooves started connecting with Slick's face and body. In about ten seconds he had the con pony subdued, pinned to the floor with his forelegs wrapped behind his back. Big Hoss had his full weight on top of Slick as he strained to get free.

"Get off me...crazy pony," Slick said angrily. "I have...rights! I'll press...charges!"

Big Hoss pressed a hoof into Slick's back and he yelped in pain. "No, you won't," he said, "not after that scene you made here in front of all these witnesses. Good luck getting the authorities to believe your word over theirs." He looked at Cash and asked, "You okay, Dad?"

Cash groaned as he got up off the floor. "Yeah, I think so. The jackass rang my bell a little, that's all," he said. Cash looked at Rarity and continued, "Sorry about all this. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, thank you," Rarity said as he looked down at Slick. "I'm sure I could have taken this scoundrel myself, but it's good that your son stepped in when he did. Thank you, Big Hoss."

"All part of the job, ma'am," he told her. Then he leaned down and spoke into Slick's ear, "If I ever see you in this store again, I swear I'll drag you out back and whoop you like a Diamond Dog, you hear me?" Slick just grumbled back.

"Well then!" Rarity declared, "That was more than enough excitement for my day. It seems like every time I come by your shop, Cash, something volatile occurs. Like the day I got my pawn loan here and the strange explosion that evening..."

I won't stand for con ponies like this guy in my store, Cash said on-camera. I should have trusted my gut before this happened. If somepony doesn't want to tell me about the thing they bring in, like where or how they got it, then I don't want it. I'm glad that Rarity was here to call him on that, and that Big Hoss stepped up when things started getting out of hand. What he did kept other ponies from getting injured, which is always our biggest concern when deals go bad like this. His main job is to be a pawnbroker, though, not a bouncer. This situation has given me a lot to think about...

About an hour later it was time to close up shop. Big Hoss had Slick thrown out and he was assessing the damages the con pony caused. Cash sat at his desk in the back office, rubbing the dark bruise that had appeared on his face.

"You gonna put something on that, son?" Old Money asked as he put his hat on and locked up his desk for the night. "I don't think rubbin' it with your hoof is helping."

"Yeah, when I get home," Cash answered as he got up and started locking his own desk.

"I heard Big Hoss really laid it into the pony who broke my counter," Old Money said. "Did you teach him how to fight like that?"

"I wish I did," Cash confessed. "That must've been something he picked up when he was getting into trouble all the time."

"Well, he really took that bull by the horns," Old Money said as he started walking out of the office. "Things coulda got real bad real quick if he didn't step up. I'd think about giving him a raise if he wasn't already family."

"And if you weren't so damn cheap," Cash added.

"That too," Old Money said. "G'night, see you in the mornin'."

"G'night, pops," Cash said.

A moment later, Hoss walked into the office and reported on the damages to Cash. "Well, it's not as bad as we thought," he said. "The glass needs to be replaced, of course, and the frame is busted. But it looks like that can be repaired pretty easy. And thankfully none of the merchandise is damaged. We just need to pick all the glass out of it and move some stuff around until the counter's fixed."

"Good deal then," Cash said. "So the glass is taken care of?"

"Yeah, I asked Derpy to start cleaning it up awhile ago."

"And how's that going?" Cash asked. "No, wait. Let's just go see." He and Hoss walked out of the office and through the showroom to the remains of the counter.

Derpy was flapping her wings and hovering above the mess. Now she wore the magnifying glasses as she used a broom and dustpan to clean up. "These things are great! I can see every little piece of glass on the floor!" She told them as she swept two tiny pieces of glass from one spot into the dustpan while ignoring a large pile of glass nearby.

Big Hoss shook his head. "I'd better help Derpy with this or she'll be here all night," he said as he went to find another broom.

"Wait," Cash called and stopped Hoss. "You know what? Let me help her clean up. You get on outta here."

"Really?" Hoss asked.

"Yeah, go on," Cash said. "You did some good work today taking care of that situation."

"I appreciate that, pops," Hoss said. "You know I've always got your back, right?"

"I know, son, but it's not just my back you had today," Cash explained. "You had the whole store's back. None of our customers were injured and I'm sure they felt safe knowing somepony like you could act quickly if things got out of hoof like they did. I'm happy to have you on the payroll, and proud that you're my son."

"Aw, really?" Big Hoss asked. He looked behind at Derpy, who appeared to be engrossed in the cleanup job. Satisfied that she wasn't looking at them, Big Hoss went up to his father and hugged him. "Thanks, Dad. I love you."

"I love you too, son," Cash said as they finished hugging. "Now go grab your pay out of the safe and take off."

"You bet, I'll be right back," Hoss said as he went back toward the office.

Cash cantered up to Derpy, careful to step around any stray glass on the floor. "Hey, Derpy?"

She stopped and looked at him with gigantic googly fisheyes. "Yes?" She asked.

He reached up and slipped the glasses off of her face, which made made her blink and shake her head about. "Lose the specs," he told her. "They're not the best look for you anyhow." He set them down onto a counter next to the broken one.

Hoss came back with a brown sack of coins tied around his neck. "All right, guys, it's been fun today," he said. "See you all tomorrow."

"See ya!" Derpy said.

"See you then, son," Cash said.

He started toward the door, then turned around and walked up to his father. "You know, Dad," he said, "if you really want to, you can start calling me Junior again."

"Aw, really?" Cash said smiling.

After a moment, Hoss shook his head and answered, "No. Don't you ever call me Junior." He turned to walk out the door. "Later, pops."

"I'm still calling you Junior, Junior!" Cash yelled after him.

"Can't hear you!" Hoss yelled back.

Cash went to pick up the other broom and started sweeping with Derpy. After a moment, Derpy stopped and said, "Wait a minute, boss. You called him Junior. As in, Cash Money, Jr.?"

"Yeah, that's his legal name," Cash said. "He obviously doesn't like it, so don't mention it."

"You bet I won't," she said as she continued sweeping. "After all, he's not the only pony around here with two names."

"Yeah," Cash said as he swept some more. Then he stopped, looked at Derpy and asked, "Wait, what?"