"Come on lazy bones, wake up."
"Leave me be, Twi." you groan, trying to sleep.
"Guess again, HANDsome."
Your eyelids skyrocketed open as you turn to see the lyre-playing lurker looming over you. "Lyra, what are you doing-"
There, you realize you're no longer in Equestria anymore, but in what you could only describe as Discord's wet dream.
It had all the components. It's raining chocolate milk, Pinkie's beating up unreformed changelings in tight red spandex, Applejack's leading an army of apple-shaped tanks, pink fluffy unicorns are dancing on rainbows, and Twilight and Rainbow are bouncing on cotton candy clouds singing about how life with magic is fantastic.
Even Dr. Seuss and Weird Al would say tone it down a bit.
"Ugh, I've had enough of this Merry Melodies bull. The pink one's all the goofiness I need here, I'm out."
"Why so in a rush Anon?" Lyra huffs. "Don't you wanna spoon first?"
"Spoon?!" you exclaim. "Of course I don't wanna spoon! I'm getting the fork outta here!"
You get up and pick the ingenious tactic of running off into the unfamiliar land. It was nothing but pure madness from here on in. A giant Gummy slithers his long tongue up the side of your back as you walk up the spiral staircase of a strawberry cupcake. A flock of book-bats suddenly sweep you off the ground into the air. There, you see 'Pinkie-Pool' skydiving alongside a group of dorky looking superponies who all get struck down by flying bales of hay
Eventually, the weak book bats drop you out of the sky on your ass to confront robotic copies of RD chanting 'swag'.
You stagger further away from this insane world of insanity. A nightmare that you fear would last for eternity.
"Um, hi Anon."
That voice pulled you to a screeching halt.
"Fluttershy?"
"Y-Yes, I'm Fluttershy."
You pace around, examining the pony. "Eh, you may LOOK normal. But ARE you normal, Flutters?"
"I-I guess so...."
"You sure? No, no deep voiced profanity-spewing fat guy impersonation or anything?"
"N-No, I feel fine, I guess."
"Oh thank goodness. Come on, we need to find a way out of here."
"A-Anon, c-can I ask you a question?" the timid pegasus whispers.
"What is it? Make it quick."
"W-What's your fetish?"
"Say what's my WHAT now?!"
Suddenly, everything in sight crumbles away and dissipates as you're engulfed in pitch black darkness.
"Pony Stark, I don't feel so good!" Pinkie hollers.
"Thank Celestia, he's coming to."
You awaken to see two blurred figures hovering over you.
"Anon," one of their voices echo through your eardrums. "are you alright?"
Everything in sight soon becomes clear as you find yourself in the library in front of a concerned Twi and Star.
"I-I.....I-I-"
You belch out a wave of sprinkles and frosting on the two. "W-What happened?"
"You got served, that's what happened." Twilight states.
"Y-Yeah, SOFT serv-"
Spike's cut off from his drunken pun with a sprinkle/whipped cream-filled burp as well.
"We found you two outside the castle last night." Starlight adds. "And you kept saying you were a 'Goofy Goober'...whatever that means."
As you recover, you feel a firm object in your shirt pocket.
It's the nametag: The Man.
And a note:
"Come hang with us anytime, Man."
/)
"Oh...I remember now."
"Why'd you just eat your weight in ice cream anyway?"
"U-Um...I just...REALLY love ice cream."
"Well you can't just go gobbling everything in sight." the unicorn says, rubbing the whipped cream and leftover sprinkles from your face.
"Might I ask why?"
"Come on Spike." Twilight sighs. "Let's get you some ginger hale for your stomach."
"Ughhh, you'll never take me ali-"
He passes out.
With that, the alicorn drags the snoring dragon out of the room, leaving you two alone.
"Buck it, I'll come clean." she sighs.
"What is it, pal?"
Starlight hops on the couch beside you. "So, there's a certain party coming up in two weeks."
"You talking about the gala? I heard the girls chatting about it from time to time. Why?"
She scoots a little bit closer to you. "Well, I so happen to have an invitation to it...."
"Yeah?" you say, anticipation building up inside.
"Trixie's outta town..."
A little bit closer.
"Yeaaaaah?"
"I don't have a plus one at the moment..." she hums expectantly.
"Yeaaaaaaah?"
You're practically GLUED to the sly unicorn.
"Soooo...you think I should invite Sunburst to the gala?"
Your smile completely collapses as your whole world comes crashing down in a fiery, blazing inferno ball of intense heat that burns brighter than a thousand suns.
"W-What?"
"Sunburst. Think I should invite him to the gala?"
[What a cock tease!]
"U-Um...well I guess so, h-he's a pretty cool guy, I guess." you manage to utter.
[I'll get the gun.]
The cheeky unicorn bursts into hysterical laughter as she roughly pokes you in the shoulder. "I'm just messing around with ya Anon, don't be mad. Of course I'd ask you!"
[Oh thank Godlestia!]
"You sure? What about Sunburst?"
"Eh, he's catching up on his studies. You know, 'wizard business' and all." she states with hoof quotes.
"So does that mean...?"
"Anon, would you like to go to the Grand Galloping gala with me?"
Right then and there, your mind was blown. The castle blew up, Ponyville blew up, the PLANET blew up...
Wherever Thanos was blew up. You could barely contain your excitement, you were on the verge of exploding.
"C-Cool, sure. I-I'd love to go with you, pal. Sounds f-fun."
"GREAT!" she exclaims joyfully. "Don't forget to wear something that FITS you."
Starlight gives you a quick hug and a boop on the nose before happily trotting out of the room, leaving you to relish in your bodaciousness. This was incredible, you just had to pinch yourself.
[Ow.]
IT'S A MIRACLE!!!
You felt great, felt like dancing. Speaking of which...
You burst into Spike's room, startling the groggy dragon with your celebratory jamming session.
Fun fact: you are a wonderfully BAD dancer. All of your 'dope' moves, a little bit of the robot, a sprinkle of a jig, ALOT of shaking and convulsing and a little dash of Cotton-Eyed Joe. You continue to cut a rug as the amused dragon looks on.
"Sheesh, what's got you in such a good mood?" he asks.
"Starlight asked me to go to the gala with her!"
"NO WAY, BRO!" he yells.
"YES WAY, BRO! Dude I'm so psyched right now, I can just-"
Spike burps loudly, then guzzles down a bottle of ginger hale.
"Yeah, that."
"Ugh, well you might wanna start losing weight." he adds. "When it comes to Rarity's outfits, just one pound and you're done for. And in your case, that's alot of pounds."
"Aw, what are you talking about? I'm a perfect picture of health."
Now that he mentions it, the shirt jacket currently cutting off the circulation in your body does seem a little bit concerning. Nonetheless, you thought it was best to just suck it up...literally.
"I still don't see the issue." you strain.
"Dude, release."
You exhale and all buttons launch around the place one after the other until it reveals your bulging belly.
"This...could be a problem."
