//------------------------------// // Anti-Social Media // Story: Antics of Anon // by 23 KM To Nerdiness //------------------------------// You know, sometimes you amaze yourself with just how long you've gone without the dreaded weapon that is technology. Your player didn't count because that actually made you PRODUCTIVE. Instead of playing games about dealing with goofy monsters, now you're.....dealing with goofy monsters like Pinkie. But you constantly getting ponies interested in wanting such devices is NOT helping in the slightest. Not long before soon, the doctor could perfect the Android formula, or whatever, and make phones for you and everyone to mindlessly walk off cliffs with and inspire FillyWood execs to make a film about Jean-Luc Picard as a literal piece of shit. But, I digress. You're going on your casual definitely-not-a-date friendly stroll through the school with Starlight until you two spot Purple Smart scribbling with sticky notes on a few large bulletin boards in her magic. "Hey Twi, whatcha up to?" "Oh, hey you two!" she exclaims. "I think I've worked out this 'Facial Book' thing." "Facia-huh?" Starlight asks confused. "It's called Facebook, Twi." you sigh. "Not here, it's not. I'm calling it...'HoofBook!'" she says extravagantly. [How original...] you thought. "And how are you going to pull it off, exactly?" "Oh, it's quite easy actually. Everyone writes on these notes and post them here on this board about anything. Ya know, help the students connect more?" "I don't know, are you sure about this?" "Like I said Anon, trolls don't exist." "Like I said Twi, it's not THAT kind of troll." "Then why is it called that?" Starlight asks. " She had you there. Even you didn't know why it earned that name.... Actually, you DID but you're not gonna let the concept of fishing ruin your image. Fluttershy wouldn't approve. :( Before you could protest further, the giddy alicorn places the boards up in the school's foyer as one and sticks a note to it: 'Hey, there!' "Try it out." she asks eagerly handing you a note. You write on the paper and plop it on the board: 'Sup, Twi'. She teleports in a bag of tiny stickers and puts a heart-shaped one on your post. "Well...?" she says expectantly. "Got my vote." Starlight says liking your comment. "I'm still not sure about this but...fine." you shrug. "Eeeeeeee!" she squeals. "This is gonna be GREAT! I have other ideas like this! I call them 'InstaGriffs', 'SnapChangeling'-" she rambles on. [Geez, this mare has no originality whatsoever, huh?] Sometime later, halfway through class time, you notice the large group of students surrounding the board. Not one of them was without at least a sticky note or two. From what you could tell, it seems to be doing pretty well. Hell, you felt bad for the sucker who has to scratch off all those stickers. Wait a minute... Anyways, you maneuver through to the board and see hundreds upon HUNDREDS of notes covering up 99.9% of it to the point where more boards are nailed atop it. The egghead actually pulled it off. This 'HoofBook' has a note from EVERYONE. They were all just the casual hello's, humorous photos and goofy user names. But then one post catches your eye. #Lyr4 H.: 'Has anypony noticed how well-moisturized Anon's hands are? OMC, it's insane! Also, hi Anon!' "Hey Lyra." you sigh to yourself. [How the hell she get in here?!] your mind screamed. "THEY SAID WHAAAAAT?!?!" a voice boomed. Suddenly, Pinkie comes bolting through the crowd until she reaches the social board and scans every inch of it. "AHA!" she exclaims. "THERE you are!" "Woah, hey Pinkie what's going on?" She shoves a glitter-covered note into your face. "This slander!" #ChocolateMilk: 'Pinkie Pie sucks cake batter.' "It was CUPcake batter! Total difference!" she screams. You knew this was coming eventually. Never trust an a-dork-able alicorn! "Pinkie, if you're gonna take my advise once in your entire sugarcoated life, take it now. Walk. Away." The pissed pony bucks you aside, scribbles on a note and slams it on the board. #PinkiePieIsBestPartyPony: 'Party pooper!' Out of nowhere, the troll note's words fade away and reappear with more. #ChocolateMilk 'Sweet Celestia, 50 Shades of Hay was funnier than that. XD' You and the crowd tried hard to keep your 'You got owned' look hidden, to no avail. As the party mare prepares to ramble on with another note, you stop her. "Pinkie, there's a way around this." "HOW?!?!" she barks. ".....turn around." She pouts as she turns away from the board. "Feel better?" "I...I do!" she says in bewilderment. Soon, Discord poofs into view. "0h coMe cOme NoW. C4n't u taKe a j0k3?" he groans. "Damnit, Discord!" Everyone, including you, turn the other cheek. "C0mE oN, soMeOn3? @ny0nE?!" No one budges. Defeated, the comically-challenged draconequus teleports away. Before you could react, Pinkie boops a heart sticker to your nose. "It worked! Thanks Nonny!" As she hops off, the students surround you and stick hearts to you until your body is covered in hearts. And THAT'S how Equestria was made should stay without phones.