Dadonequus Discord (Book 2)

by CrazedLaughter

Chapter 42 - 'The Twilight Movie'

Everything was set up. You were all at your seats, with the snacks brought to all of you as promised. The room itself was rather similar to the one you created for you and Chrysalis for ‘Starship Troopers’, but with a ceiling painting of Discord waving to the audience below. The three of you had chosen to sit in the middle of the room itself so you wouldn’t be too far or too close to the screen. You yourself couldn’t help but stuff your face while Starlight patiently waited for the movie to begin. Trixie on the other hand, was just laying back with a smirk on her face, something Starlight took notice of. “Trixie, you were really amazing back there. Considering how you were up in Anon’s room, I really didn’t expect that from you. How’d you know Discord would give in like that? Was it really just a performance thing?”

Trixie chortled “That’s exactly what it is. I mean… Well... “ At that moment, Trixie’s arrogance lightened up as she looked to the two of you with a gentle smile “I knew he was putting on a show, given how he was at the booth and… well, this entire place, that part was obvious. As for why I decided to step up and outdo his poor acting was because… Because... “ Trixie sighed as her smile became brighter, and more cheerful “He was upsetting my friends, and I couldn’t let that slide. What the hay was with him anyway? Isn’t he supposed to… I don’t know… care about his family and friends?”

“Dad REALLY likes to play the parts he takes on, doubly so if he is using his cloning magic. I can almost guarantee that whatever Discord owns this place would have taken offense too. It’s just how it is.” You say as you take a sip of soda

“Seems like it, the one at the ticket booth seemed pretty worried when it came to you. I guess Discord is just being a gigantic goof. So when does the movie start? Only thing I see on the screen is Discord’s head in black and white” Starlight asked, taking a gentle nibble of a single popcorn puff.

“Well, I’d have thought he’d have previews and such prepped. you know, since he’s going all the way. Either we missed them or he just wants to get to the good stuff.” You mention. It’d be sad if there were no previews, you kind of want to see Discord acting parts in movies you know you have at least seen. Ah well…

“Well, get on with it then. I came here to see Twilight get utterly humiliated, not watch previews.” Trixie said as she grew impatient. And just like that, the lights began to dim as the screen changed, and Discord’s voice started to fill the room.

The screen showed a gigantic X on both cell phones and unicorn horns. “Thank you for choosing the Chaos Theater for your viewing pleasure. Please respect your fellow movie goers by shutting off your cell phones and magical horns, if you please.”

“Cell phones? What are those?” Trixie asked, confused. “They kind of look like one of those taser things.”

“I can explain that. It’s from my world, used to be able to talk to others from almost any distance. But they can be kind of noisy when they ring or when you are talking through them.” You explain. Trixie already knew as well that you were from another dimension. Being a friend of Starlight and yourself kind of meant it’d be ok to let her be in the know.

“Wow, I could use one those. “ Trixie giggled to herself “I bet I could spook Twilight by talking to her while she slept.”

“Actually… you and Twilight would have to have one to be able to do that. It’s like the intercoms and walkie talkies we use in Equestria, just not so close range.” You tell her

“...Mnnn…” Trixie then immediately lost interest, and slumped in her seat “So is the movie starting or not?”

The screen changed to Discord roaring like a lion, within a circle marked ‘Discord Productions presents’. Starlight giggled at Trixie’s annoyance as she began to relax. “I think it is. Well, I’m ready. Let’s see if the movie is as good as all this set up.” Starlight said as she popped a gobstopper. She let out a soft moan as she looked over to you. “Anon, this is pretty good. Is it true it lasts forever?”

You shake your head “Nah, sadly the everlasting part is false advertising.”

“Oh… Ok then.” Starlight then quickly popped half the box in her mouth, and started to gently suck. It then became apparent to you that she REALLY liked the taste.

“You alright there, Starlight?” You say as you notice the screen change to show a loudspeaker that said ‘presented in super realistic and ‘Hi-Def-ening’ quality’. Oh shit...

Even then, she started to pop a few more as her cheeks began to puff up with the candy “Mhmm, ahm pewfewctwy mfine mmm”

“Ok, because the screen just had a pun in it and OH NO!” You cover your ears as the sound suddenly becomes ultra loud for a moment. So loud, glass could be heard shattering around the room.

While Trixie got the same idea you did, Starlight was caught off guard, falling backwards off her seat as all the gobstoppers flew out her mouth and onto her and her mane. When the screen went dim again, things quieted down.

“Starlight?” You said when you looked back to see if she was ok. But she wasn’t, she was heavily annoyed as her mane frazzled every which way. Her fur and mane was also littered with gobstoppers and saliva.

Starlight slowly began to climb back on her chair as she groaned “That was uncalled for…”

But both you and Trixie let out a little giggle as Starlight did her best to straighten her mane. “C’mon Starlight, it’s Discord, remember?  You must always be on your hooves” Trixie said, trying to hold back another little giggle.

“Yeah yeah…” Starlight was now pretty damn grumpy, and yet she still popped a few gobstoppers in her mouth, and began to gently suck.

“Starlight, c’mon, Trixie is right.” You say, hiding your smile “besides, the movie is about to start now, don’t let it ruin your mood. If it’ll make you feel better, I can make you more boxes of gobstoppers when I get the chance, You look like you’re pretty addicted to them.”

“Shush… I’m fine, and I’m not addicted to them…” She then shifted her eyes left and right, then whispered “But, if you could get me one that’s actually everlasting, I wouldn’t mind… I’m just saying.”

“Sure thing” Heh, adorable.

The movie finally began, with Discord standing in a spotlight in an empty void, microphone in hand. “Hello Everypony, Anon, and welcome to the show! Now, I don’t want to take too much time getting to the good stuff, but we all know a movie never ever starts at the climax. So, to get everypony in the mood, we’ll be looking through the eyes of Princess Twilight Sparkle herself. Everything you see will be in her perspective, so try not to get confused. Really, it’s the only way to get the best reaction out of all of you. So sit back, relax, enjoy the snacks, and prepare to laugh!” Discord then started rubbing under his chin as the spotlight began to dim “Hm, that almost rhymed, perhaps I can do something with that later.”

And so, the movie opened up in the cutie map room…

“Spike, I just don’t know. You don’t find anything suspicious about that exam or Chancellor Neighsay doing a one eighty like that?” You said, sitting at your chair in front of the cutie map as you nervously tap your hooves on the map itself.

Your trusty assistant, Spike, just shrugged, calm about the whole situation. “I mean, Princess Celestia would have totally told us if something went wrong with that exam. But she didn’t, so there’s nothing to worry about as long as Anon and Scootaloo are ok. Besides, everypony thought it was totally rad! I think it was just a stunt to rile up the crowd. As for Neighsay, the guy probably just realized how important your school really is. It’s not like you’re gonna screw up or anything. You’re Twilight Sparkle, you wrote the book on friendship, literally! What’s he gonna do? Get somepony to spy on some of your future students just to find out one of them isn’t on the up and up? Pfft, c’mon, that’s not gonna happen. One, everycreature that’s coming is doing it to learn about friendship, which has nothing evil about it. Two, even if he did manage to get somepony to do it, it’d probably be some total dunce who wouldn’t know anything about anything. C’mon Twilight, you’ve had a rough day, why don’t you just take a nap and relax? You won’t be able to focus on opening up that school if you’re all tense like this.”

“I don’t know, I really should go and make some final checks.” You said, feeling tense about the quality of your plans for the school.

“C’mon, one nap ain’t gonna do anything to your plans. Besides, how are you supposed to focus when you’re worried about that weenie, Neighsay? C’mon Twilight, it’ll be ok, I promise.” Spike assures you, patting your back to help release your tenseness.

You sigh, and slowly begin to stand “Maybe you’re right, Spike. I just need a nap, that’s all. Then I’ll be all ready to go” You take a stretch, and try to put on a more positive and determined face.

“That’s the spirit, Twilight! C’mon, I’ll even take a nap with you so we’ll both be ready when we wake up.”

And with that, you and Spike made your way up the stairs to your room. You just had to get Neighsay out of your head, he had no reason to do anything suspicious behind your back. And Anon and Scootaloo were ok, so it really wasn’t anything to worry about. When you see your bedroom doors, you let out a sigh of relief and begin to open them. “Thanks, Spike, really. If I put any more thought into all this, I think I might have Poppedagha!? Ow!” When you open the door, and step forward, you find yourself knocking your head onto something hard and falling back on your butt. “Hey! What gives?” And when you look up, you see a peculiar looking purple circle of some kind. It had two legs going down, and some kind of raised lever of some sort, colored in other types of purple. The main circle itself had a familiar two holes coming out of it. “What in the hay is that?” You say as you begin to stand.

“Dunno, wasn’t there before. Did you order anything, Twilight?” Spike asked, looking at with, confused about it’s presence.

“No… I don’t even… What’s it doing?” Suddenly, out of nowhere, a brown substance started to come out of it’s upper hole. You carefully go over to the brown sludge is was dropping, and lower your head to give it a sniff “Chocolate? Hmmm… two kinds of chocolate actually…” You carefully dip your hoof into it and get a glob, and then upon tasting it… “It’s definitely chocolate. Huh… It must be some kind of chocolate dispenser. I’ve never seen anything like it before, do you think Rarity sent it over? Or maybe it was Pinkie Pie, she does love sharing sweets. I kinda wish it’d stop making chocolate though, it’s getting all over the floor.”

“I dunno, something seems really off about it.” Spike stepped inside the room, looking upon what this thing may have been. As for you, you just stare at the other hole, what was that one for? Then suddenly, Spike started to speak out in a timid tone “Uhhhh, Twilight? This is… a statue.”

“A statue that dispenses...Wha!” Suddenly, a yellow liquid started spewing onto your face from the other hole. You haphazardly open your mouth to taste it, then let out a gentle moan when you realize it’s a really tasty and sweet lemonade “Mmm! It also makes lemonade, Spike! And it’s actually kind of tasty, you should try it. Definitely has to be Pinkie Pie.”

“T-Twilight, I don’t think it’s her… I think you should come take a look.” Spike really sounded shocked for some reason, what was troubling him?

You decide to enter your room, and notice that from the side, it really was some sort of statue. A four legged statue in the shape of…. Wait… “Spike?” When you got to the front, you saw that the statue bore a gigantic resemblance to you. However, it looked shocked, frightened, and as if it was trying to get up from a seat. It’s pupils were thin, and it’s wings were spread out frantically. That was… “Is that, me?”

Spike nodded “Y-yeah, and erm… The side we were looking at…”

“The side we were looking at? What does…” And that’s when it hit you. Your pupils shrank to the size of peas as your fur became pale. The yellow liquid coming out of that hole… And as you look at your brown stained hoof, the chocolate was… That was all… This was… This statue was when you thought Anon and Scootaloo were in danger… But you didn’t let loose anything… maybe a little of… but… no… NO! WHAT YOU WERE TASTING WAS!... “DSFDFDFSADSAAGROOOOOSSSDAFSAD” You couldn’t handle it, you fell over, gasping, wheezing, and spitting. “Spike! Spike! H-help... “ You coughed weakly “I can’t…”

“W-woah, hold on Twilight, you said it tasted like chocolate, didn’t you? And lemonade? Erm…” Spike quickly went to the other side to do something out of your sight.

“S-spike… w-what are you doing?” You said, feeling the horrid embrace of what you could only guess was death.

“Um, Twilight. It really is just chocolate and lemonade. It’s really tasty too, actually. I-I know it’s kind of gross, given what the statue is, but I don’t think it is what you think it is. I do think Discord did this though. Oh wait, no, it was him, there’s an inscription here: To Twilight, to use as the centerpiece of your school, your biggest fan, Discord. Wow, gotta say, Discord usually doesn’t do anything this vulgar. Wonder what made him do it.”

You slowly stood up, using your magic to quickly bring every toothbrush and toothpaste  imaginable to you. But in your haste, you screw up, and get slammed by a sudden army of mint and scrub. “Gyah!”

Spike ran back to you, and quickly swatted the toothbrushes and toothpaste dispensers away from your mouth. “Twilight, you ok?”

You gargled, spit, then groaned. You felt fresh now, but your face felt like it was hit by a huge wagon. “...mnnn”

“W-well, at least you smell minty fresh. Heheh… But seriously, um. I can tell you’re super upset right now. Um, but don’t worry, I’ll take care of the statue myself. And uh, talk to Discord next time I see him.” Spike, as he said this, looked a little eager to be alone with the statue. He wasn’t gonna eat from it, was he?! As for the statue itself…

You slowly stood up, and wiped at your mouth one more time. “Don’t bother, he won’t listen. Besides, you’re right, it is weird for him to pull off something so… yugh… I think somepony else may have given him the idea.”

“Somepony else? You don’t mean, Anon, do you?” Spike asked, feeling that is definitely what you meant.

“I… mnnn…” Did you really just want to outright blame him like that? Was this his way of celebrating? Was he mad at you again? Or was it really just Discord, who obviously did have some influence from Anon? “I dunno, I’m tired… I’m gonna take a na-GYAH!” Suddenly, the statue started to ‘cry’ without movement, shooting out creamy tasting tears from its eyes. Creamy or not, you once again felt disgusted and full of rage. “THAT’S IT!” You grab the statue with your magic, and throw it through the window and into the lake outside.

“Noooo!” Spike ran to the window and held his arm out “I-I could have made a bunch of delicious chocolate gem cake out of that… wait.” He then turned to you, confused “Isn’t that eventually gonna make the lake into a chocolatey lemonade?

Your eyes twitched as every fiber of your being shook in rage. You ran over to the window as Spike jumped to the side. Using your magic, you pull up the statue right as it hits the water and hurl it upwards with all your might into the sky. You then blast it into a thousand pieces with a powerful bolt of anger fueled magic. “There, it’s gone forever, nothing to worry about.”

“Y-yep, that statue is pretty gone.  Um, I think it sent some chocolate and lemonade every which way though.” Spike noted as he saw the explosion.

“Doesn’t matter, everypony can get over a little GYAH!” And with that, some of the choclatey blast fell back and smacked into your face. Your anger had already piqued, so you just felt a sense of a cold and deathly calm as you laid down on the floor “Spike, I’m going to take a nap now. Please have everything cleaned up before I wake up”

“Um, Twilight what about the chocolate on your face.” Spike asked

You were too stressed out and nerve wracked to really make an attempt at cleaning it off “I’ll take a shower later…”

“Yeah, but Twilight, that chocolate is just gonna harden up and-”

“I’LL TAKE A SHOWER LATER!” You shout, before losing all your will, causing you to fall unconscious on the floor.

Spike just sighed, put his claws to his hips, and shook his head. “Good going there, Discord. Sheesh… Well, better get this cleaned up. Gotta find a way to clean Twilight’s face too without disturbing her. Poor Twilight,  she didn’t deserve this. Her and the statue version of her. So many chocolate gem cakes…”

The End