~*~
Twilight shifted nervously from hoof to hoof outside of Discord’s strange, upside down door. It was hard enough getting into this weird plane of reality, harder still to be here at all, putting herself at Discord’s mercy. Nevertheless she knew that she was out of options. She had no choice.
At last, she mustered up her courage and knocked soundly on the door. The noise it made was similar to a bike horn. After a moment, she heard approaching footsteps, and the door opened inward. Onto the ground. Like a drawbridge.
Discord looked down at her, at first smiling, but then he seemed a little disappointed.
“Oh,” he said with a sigh. “I was expecting Fluttershy.”
“Nope,” Twilight said, trying to smile. “Just me.”
Discord, perhaps sensing that he was being a little rude, broke back into a smile, and gave Twilight an aggressive, tight, breath-stealing hug that lifted her off the ground.
“Well you’re still a friend, so welcome to my home. Whatever brings you to this part of the multiverses?”
Twilight gasped as Discord dropped her back onto the ground unceremoniously. She panted there for a second until she could get her wind back. Then, she shook herself, and looked back up at Discord, barely managing to retain her smile.
“Er, thank you… I just… wanted to ask you for a little help,” she mumbled.
Discord brightened considerably, and clasped his mismatched forelimbs together in glee.
“Help from me? Oh why how unusual dear Princess!” he exclaimed. “Tell me, what can I help you with? Need to turn the clouds into sheep? Want me to make Princess Celestia quack like a duck whenever you say her name? OH or perhaps that little dragon of yours needs to be put in a kettle and-”
“No no, nothing like that!” Twilight said quickly. “It’s a lot more simple than that. I think.”
Discord raised one bushy eyebrow.
“You think?”
Twilight fidgeted in obvious discomfort.
“Well… you see…” she said, stumbling over her own words. Then, like someone had opened a set of floodgates, everything tumbled out.
“I made these two new friends at the spa and they’re really nice.And we’ve been hanging around, you know, as gal pals, and it’s been wonderful. And we’ve done tea parties and sleepovers, but it’s my turn to host a party at the castle, and one of them suggested we do a pub night there, and I said sure, I didn’t even think about it. And… and… now the party is tomorrow and I don’t know what to do!”
Discord regarded the rambling princess incredulously.
“Why, it seems simple,” he said with a shrug. “You just have them over, and have fun at the party. Pretty straightforward, I thought a princess like you would be better at figuring something like that out.”
Twilight rolled her eyes and sighed in exasperation.
“No, the problem is… is…”
“…is?”
“…WHAT’S A PUB!?”
Discord simply stared at her a moment in disbelief. Then, he seemed to get a grasp on things, and a half, snaggletoothed grin spread across his face.
“Why my dear sweet Twilight,” he said in a deeply condescending tone. “Are you telling me that you’re so innocent and goodie-goodie that you’ve never been to one?”
Twilight’s cheeks flushed a deep pink.
“When you study all the time and then become a princess, you don’t exactly go out to places like that,” she muttered. “I’ve heard people say the word ‘pub’ but not much more than that. And you’ve seen, well, everything it seems like. So I figured you were the one to ask.”
With his bird-like claw, Discord scratched at his bearded chin. Then he nodded decisively.
“I do believe I can be of some assistance,” he said. “I think I can turn your castle into exactly the party atmosphere you’re looking for. I would suggest you take care of food, I’m certain Pinkie Pie can make the types of food you’re looking for. But I’ll take care of the ambiance.”
Twilight gave a hefty sigh of relief, and then narrowed her eyes at the creature standing before her.
“To be clear,” she said, “I want this to be a good, authentic party. Not too much Discord interpretation. Is that clear.”
The smile that crossed Discord’s face was almost ominous as he put out a paw towards her for her to shake. He placed the other across his chest, which swelled slightly with pride.
“Princess Twilight,” he said officially, “I promise it will be an unforgettable night, I won’t let you down. What are friends for, after all?”
Twilight did her best to smile across the small, rectangular table between her and her two new friends. The first of the two lovely new ponies she’d gotten close to was a cream white mare with the most beautiful flowing golden mane. In it, as well as in her tail, were streaks of pale pink, that strikingly offset her gold amber eyes. As she sat there, she used her gem-ringed horn to levitate an appetizer Pinkie had made to her lips. She crunched into it with obvious enjoyment.
“This is absolutely delicious!” she exclaimed happily. “What did you say they were called?”
“F-fried pickles,” Twilight stammered out. Her nerves were still so high, even though everyone seemed to be doing pretty ok. “Pinkie said they’re a quintessential pub food. And they’re really good with hot cheese dip too.”
The other pony, Crystal Wishes, stopped mid-chew. Her eyes widened.
“That,” she said emotionally, “Sounds incredible. Do you have any here?”
“I mean, yes?” Twilight said. “But I heard it’s supposed to, you know, give you ‘tummy troubles’ if you eat too much.”
Crystal’s eyes got even wider.
“That… also sounds absolutely true and not like something I would know from personal experience.”
She quickly grabbed another fried pickle and munched it down. Surrounding the basket of pickles that Pinkie had prepared was an assortment of other pub-related cuisine. There were quesadillas with sour cream and salsa, onion rings, pulled pork sliders, mozzarella sticks, and something called ‘poutine.’ It seemed to stick out a little, among all the other food, but Pinkie insisted that in other parts of the world, it was the perfect thing to pair with a chilly day and a cold beer.
As Twilight reached out and sampled one of the cheese and gravy laden french fries, she had to admit that they were really very good. She also glanced up at her other guest with more than a little concern.
Across the metal, food-covered table, sat a mare who looked to be almost entirely made of gold. She sat up tall and regal, occasionally tossing her well-cared for mane away from her gleaming horn. But something in her eyes looked so tired, and Twilight couldn’t quite place why. She’d said to call her Golden or AU when in public, and considering her rather uncomfortable name of ‘Golden Pants,’ Twilight could see why. When the mare spoke, it commanded attention, called for everyone to look her way. It was like she’d practiced it a million times. Now, here, at the table, she levitated her food so carefully and lady-like, that the nature of the pub food felt, to Twilight, like it wasn’t good enough for her.
She was almost embarrassed. And... oddly afraid of those quesadillas.
There was also this sort of cold, icy discomfort between the two ponies. Even though they had been hanging out together, Twilight had noticed that the two rarely spoke to each other. It was as if there was some unresolved feelings there, some sort of jealousy or even malice. But both were polite enough not to acknowledge it out loud in front of Twilight.
“S-so,” Twilight said haltingly to Golden, “How’s the quesadilla?”
“Nourishing,” Golden said with a short, dismissive nod. “It’s fine tasting, if a little simple for me. But I suspect it’s the healthiest thing on this table, and it’ll let me keep my figure. So well done on that.”
Twilight nodded, feeling a surge of relief rush over her. Then, Golden scowled a little and glanced around the room.
“Though, I have to admit,” she said hesitantly. “The decor is… a little dark. It’s probably what a lower class pub would look like, I’d guess. So I don’t think it’s… wrong. Just not what I expected.”
“Yes, I’m a little surprised too,” Crystal said slowly, glancing around at everywhere besides Golden. “It’s all so… dark. And metalic. And a little cramped.”
Twilight now looked around the small room that Discord had magicked into being inside the castle. Having never been inside a pub, she couldn’t say that it was or wasn’t authentic. But Discord had assured her that the small, windowless room was normal. That it was rather round-roofed, and the the tables were very simple. And that there weren’t many amenities. Why anyone would want to have a party in a place like this, she had no idea.
“Well… er… what would you change?” she said haltingly. “I did what I could but I’m open to suggestions.”
Golden glanced around once, then nodded to herself.
“More lighting, for one thing,” she said. “I like to see what I eat.”
“And maybe some cider or ale? And a bar to sit at,” Crystal added. “It would make it feel a lot less cozy. And maybe…”
Before she could say anything else, a loud, screaming siren began to sound. The mares all clapped their hooves over their ears and cried out in surprise and pain.
“What in Celestia?” Crystal shouted over the din.
“Good heavens the floor is wet!” shrieked Golden. She quickly leapt up onto the table with the food. “It’ll destroy my hooficure!”
Sure enough, water was filling the room quickly now, and all three ponies soon were up on the table, trying not to step in the cheesy french fries or crispy pickles. The siren continued.
“AWHOOOOOGA! AWHOOOOOOGA!”
All at once, Discord floated through the doorway, sitting on a life raft saying something in Russian along one side. He was dressed in a white naval uniform, complete with an officers cap, and bobbed up and down with the rising water. The siren noise was coming from a red flashing light and speaker on his back. HE was smiling broadly and laughing.
“She’s taking on water Captain Twilight,” he called out to the fearful ponies. “Do we dive or surface?”
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?” Twilight practically screamed.
Discord frowned.
“Is that any way to talk to me, after I threw you such a nice authentic Sub night party?”
Twilight stammered at him, making sputtering noises before she at last found the words to speak.
“I said PUB night!” she cried.
“I thought you said sub!”
“YOU KNOW I DIDN’T SAY SUB!”
Here, Discord’s frown evaporated into a grin and he let out a little laugh.
“But isn’t this more fun!” he chortled out. “It’ll be an unforgettable night, just like I promised! What are friends for, after all?”
And that was the last time Twilight Sparkle ever asked Discord for help.
-The End-