//------------------------------// // Friends // Story: Identify // by Waxworks //------------------------------// It was there, late at night that Spike found her. She was repeating the motion of stabbing herself in the eye. Every thirty seconds like clockwork she would shank her eyeball with the scalpel. It would heal every time, making a fresh, unbleeding wound in the same place. She repeated the motion again and again until Spike grabbed it out of the air. He hugged her and held on, saying nothing. It was him who cried instead of Twilight. Despite all the pain she had been through and the confusion she had experienced, she didn’t know what to feel. Spike’s sobs brought her out of her confused stupor. “Spike? What’s wrong?” she asked. “I’m sorry, Twilight,” he whimpered. “Sorry for what?” He didn’t answer her question. Instead he wiped his nose on her fur and patted her on the shoulder. “You should go visit Celestia, she’ll be able to answer all this.” Twilight considered his words, but shook her head. “I don’t want to bother her with this until I understand what’s going on. I may need to ask her for a sample of… herself. If she’s like me she’ll be fine, but I need to prove I have my research complete and—” Spike was crying again. She wasn’t sure what to make of it. He just cried, “It’s my fault!” “What? What’s your fault?” “All of this!” he motioned to the table where all her pieces were set up. Twilight realized it might be a little macabre for her to have pieces of herself out of a table. Spike didn’t seem curious, though, and almost seemed to accept it. “What do you mean, Spike?” she asked. “I mean… you’re my fault.” “I’m your fault?” She pulled away and looked at him, squinting. “How am I your fault.” “Celestia said we could keep it going like it was, but you kept needing to be reset when you got too curious. I wanted you to be left alone, but now we’re here! I can’t keep going it! It’s not okay!” “Wait, wait, wait! Reset me?” She pulled further away, horn lit and ready. “Explain!” Spike just cried harder. He dropped to the floor and wailed. Twilight almost felt bad for yelling at him, but he knew what was going on, and he might even know what was wrong with her and the castle. If she could get information from him, she wanted it. She needed to understand this. “Spike! Explain it!” She was angry and didn’t have time for him to finish. He was keeping secrets. He slowly calmed down and looked at her. He sniffled but nodded. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry. Give me a minute. I can explain most of it. I don’t know all the details, but I know what matters.” He looked at her hooves, not willing to look her in the eye. “Promise you won’t get too mad?” “I can’t promise anything. I’m confused and honestly a little scared. Just explain it and I’ll see how I feel.” “Okay…” he began. “The important part is; you’re not real.” Twilight felt both fear and relief. Spike was clearly being ridiculous. She was real. She’d stabbed herself with a knife, been hit by a discus, and even shaken some hooves. Princess Celestia was able to grab her and take her under a wing. She was as real as anypony else. “Spike—” she said, but he continued on. “And not like you don’t exist, you do! But…” He fidgeted in place, clearly unsure how to continue. “But what?” Twilight urged him on, unsure if she wanted to know or if she just wanted to keep it a secret and live without ever knowing what he had to say. At the same time, she knew she’d never be able to live without knowing. The curiosity would eat her from the inside out and she would inevitably seek out the answers herself. She prodded, pushing him on. “But you’re not Twilight,” he finished. “Spike,” she said, “I’m obviously Twilight.” She spread her wings and motioned to herself. “I look like her, I act like her, and I know her family. I’m Twilight.” “But, you’re not!” Spike wailed. “When you died making the mystery cure, I was so sad at having lost my only family, and Celestia said she could fix it! So…she did, and now you’re here.” “And… I’m not Twilight.” She tapped her chest. Spike shook his head. “So, if I’m not Twilight, who am I?” “I don’t know, but Celestia made you, and it’s been okay, but you’re not the same.” Spike moved in as if to give her a hug, but pulled away before he did. Twilight was too confused to really respond. “I’m… not sure what to think of this, Spike,” she said. “I don’t know how much I believe.” “I’m sorry…” “Please leave me alone for a while. I need to think.” “Okay…” When Spike left the room, Twilight was alone once more. She stared into space for a few minutes before turning to the pile of experiments she had left on the table. The smell of chemicals and faint smoke filled the air, not fully blown away by the ventilation in the room yet. She went to pick up the flesh and held the vials in her magic. She looked at each one in turn, her mind’s eye bringing forth the image of them under the microscope. Her body was made of materials that could bend and flex but weren’t normal cells. She was made of tiny things with gripping arms and flexible bodies, built to bend, stretch, and compress. She could see, she could use magic, and she could move as normal. Nothing felt different. Nothing seemed different. So what was different? In a seeming daze Twilight picked up the scalpel again. She drew it across her leg and watched as it healed. There was pain, but after what she had put herself through it was a mild discomfort. She barely felt it anymore. Spike’s explanation of what she was and what had happened seemed to make sense, but how much sense did it really make? She went over it all in her head, piece by piece, trying to recall what had happened. He said it was during the time she was trying to make the cure for the spell where she had twisted her friend’s cutie marks. She had completed it, brought her friends together to get them to help each other restore their cutie marks, then she had… finished the spell? She remembered light, then she remembered looking over her life with Celestia. All her history. Her entire life… That gave her pause. Everypony said your life flashed before your eyes when you died. Nopony could ever prove it, but she had walked with Celestia past doors that looked out over events in her life. Her time as a foal completing the entrance exam to Celestia’s school for gifted unicorns. Her time in the school. Her time studying more and more instead of making friends, and then… her time in Ponyville, when she was still a unicorn, making friends with everypony. If any of those stories could be trusted… If she had died, and she wasn’t actually Twilight, how much of what she remembered was correct? Was she just a fake? A simulacrum put together to fill Twilight’s place, like Spike said? It made him feel better, but how many other ponies knew, and how many cared? Did her family know? Would it matter if they did? Did they care, or were they just happy to be “related” to the princess of friendship? Then was the matter of the castle! It had built itself after the library was destroyed by Tirek. Was there Celestia’s hoof in that? Was it herself that built it or was it the elements of harmony? If she had died, would the elements even still be attached to her? Her friends got calls all the time for friendship problems. She had even been called herself! Twilight found her mind scattered. She simultaneously wondered about the way her magic worked, how the castle worked, and also about how her family and friends thought of her. Her mind whirled with thoughts of maps, friends, family, princesses, magic, and how it all connected. She couldn’t focus on any single one for very long before her mind went to another. This changed so much she didn’t know how to handle it! The world spun. Twilight next heard Spike’s voice sometime later. She came to herself still in the basement, laying on the floor. She lifted her head and looked over at the voice and saw Spike, standing near the stairs. He looked worried, and she could guess why, but she didn’t care. “What do you want?” Twilight demanded from her place on the floor. “I… just came to offer you something to eat.” “I’m not hungry,” Twilight said. She wasn’t, but she wasn’t sure if it was because she wasn’t real or because of some other reason. She assumed her body needed to eat, but what it was made of made her question that. That and she hadn’t felt hungry or heard her stomach grumble in all the time she’d been down here. Had she fooled herself all this time? “W-well, don’t wait too long, okay?” “Okay,” she said flatly. He left, and she stayed there on the floor, unmoving. More time passed without her paying attention. She lay there, pondering her life and what it meant to her without paying attention to the passing of the hours. Spike came again, but he merely stared without saying anything, and she didn’t speak to him. Once, she idly picked up the vial holding the burnt remains of her strange flesh. She threw it away and it shattered on the floor. “Twilight, are you okay?” A familiar squeaky voice asked. Twilight looked and saw Pinkie Pie in the stairs with Spike just behind her. She was carrying balloons and a card, along with a plate of actual food and a single cupcake. “Spike told me you weren’t feeling well.” “Ugh. I’m fine, I’m just not hungry.” “Everypony needs to eat, you know. Especially when you’re not hungry.” “I don’t want to. I don’t even need it.” Pinkie gave Twilight a small smile that Twilight found insufferable. She frowned as the pink pony invited herself in and put the plate of food on the floor next to her. She pushed it toward Twilight with a smile, who used her magic to push it back. Pinkie pushed it back, then Twilight pushed it away. Pinkie giggled and pushed it even closer, then Twilight picked it up and hurled it away. Pinkie dashed after it and caught it before it hit the floor. Somehow. Twilight was never sure how she did that. “Twilight, what’s got your rump-us in a grumpuss?” Pinkie asked. “It’s a long story, Pinkie. You won’t believe it.” “I believe in a lot of things, silly. Like Windigoes, and elements of harmony, and the mare in the moon (until she came down), and Tartarus and a whole bunch of other stuff!” She waved her hooves in the air. “Almost all those things are true, so what do you have to say that’s so unbelievable?” Twilight rolled over. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Pinkie followed her as she rolled over, staying in front of her face. “Well, if you won’t talk about it, will you at least eat? I know it’ll taste like ash, but you’ll die if you don’t eat.” “Probably not,” Twilight muttered. “I’m not willing to take that chance. Eat, please?” “If I take a bite will you go away?” “Yes, absolutely!” Pinkie beamed. Twilight grabbed a scoop of potatoes in her magic and shoved it in her mouth. She chewed noisily, losing scraps of it to the floor. She stared at Pinkie’s smiling face the whole time until she swallowed. “Now leave.” “Okey-dokey-lokey! I’ll bring more when it’s dinnertime! Thanks for taking a bite, Twilight! It means a lot!” She grabbed Spike on her way out, dragging him up the stairs. Twilight stayed there, seething for a little while. She didn’t know if it was good or bad that she felt something, but Pinkie had given her an idea: All her friends supposedly knew her well, and none of them had yet commented on her state. Did they know, or did they not? Maybe each one had some secret they shared with Twilight that would help her determine if she was Twilight, or not. It would be a start, anyway. Without a word to Spike, or even leaving the basement, she teleported to Sweet Apple Acres. She traversed the orchard, hunting for Applejack. If anypony was going to know something esoteric about her, it would be Applejack. The apple family made it a point to record everything about everypony in their family, so why would anything strange be forgotten about close friends? She found Applejack, doing as the mare was wont to do. A rain of apples came out of the tree into the basket and Twilight took that moment to approach. “Applejack!” she called. “Well, hey Twi. What’s up?” “I need to know if you know something different about me. Something nopony else knows, that only I would ever have known.” Applejack rubbed the back of her neck. Her hat tilted as she thought. “Ah don’t rightly know that ah do. Ever since we first met we’ve been friends, but ah don’t think anything’s odd or secret.” “How did we meet?” “Well shewt, Summer Sun Celebration. You came to check the food. We fed ya to near burstin’!” she laughed. Twilight stood there, silent. She was right. That was how it happened, but it wasn’t unique. Even Twilight remembered that. “Is there anything… else you know about Twilight—me, I mean—that might be different or special or something?” Applejack looked at her strangely. “Why you suddenly so interested?” She rubbed her neck. “I mean, there’s all the stuff we’ve done as the elements…” “No!” Twilight shouted. Applejack recoiled and glared at her. “I mean… no, that’s not good enough. That’s known by everypony! I need something unique!” “Twi, we’ve only known each other for a few years. I don’t think that’s quite enough time to make unique, secret memories or whatever.” Twilight groaned and lit her horn. She was gone in an instant, landing just outside Fluttershy’s cottage. She growled and grumbled in a small circle, then turned and stared at Fluttershy’s door. She pounded on it, probably rougher than she should have, and waited patiently for the mare to answer. She wasn’t that patient. She lifted her hoof to thump on it again but ended up stumbling in when Angel swung open the door. Fluttershy was right behind him. She rushed to help Twilight back up, helping her to her hooves. “Twilight, are you okay? What’s wrong?” Twilight turned her gaze on Fluttershy, who recoiled from the intensity of it. “Fluttershy! Tell me something only you and Twilight know!” “Me and—” she shuffled backward and Angel jumped in front of her, his paws at the ready. “Are you a changeling?” she said meekly. “No, I’m not a—” She thought about it and realized she couldn’t answer that with any confidence. “I need to know if you know anything about me somepony else doesn’t. I know how we met; you didn’t talk to me until you saw Spike, but what else? Something we know? Something secret!” “I… I don’t think so?” Fluttershy mumbled. “We haven’t known each other super long. Several years?” Twilight flung her head upward. “Ugh! Come on, anything! Please!” She moved toward Fluttershy, but was stopped by a paw on her leg. Angel was down below, glaring up at her. He shook his head. “Twilight, you’re scaring me. Please stop,” Fluttershy said. Twilight looked at her and finally realized how terrified the poor mare looked. She was hunched over, mane in front of her face. Her wings were tight against her side and she was holding herself sideways. Angel was angry. He whopped her in the foreleg and stamped his foot. “Fine.” Twilight lit her horn, and was gone. She reappeared in Rarity’s boutique. She looked around at all the dresses and saw Rarity, mane disheveled, needles and pins in her mouth and scissors and tape in her magic. The pins and needles dropped to the floor. “Twilight? Darling, what are you doing here? You look absolutely awful!” Rarity came trotting forward. Her magic deposited everything on a shelf nearby. She adjusted her glasses as she walked. “Rarity! The Grand Galloping Gala! Did I demand that my dress have all the accurate stars from the constellations and Starswirl’s bells?” Twilight shouted. “Well… yes, I mean, of course. That dress was simply dreadful! But why does that—” Twilight turned away, ignoring the mare. “No, everypony saw that dress, it was a joke, so a lot of ponies would know about it. We even put it on display! I need something else.” “Twilight? Darling, are you alright?” Twilight whirled on Rarity. “I’m not alright, and nothing makes sense!” She was gone in a flash. Rainbow Dash wasn’t home when she arrived. It made sense that she wouldn’t be, she was always off working with the Wonderbolts. Twilight barged into her house through the clouds, breaking apart a wall to get inside. “Rainbow! Give me something that’s only yours and mine! Something terrible! Something embarrassing!” She shouted into the empty clouds. She ripped through the dresser, tore open the closet, and strew everything about the room. There were no pictures of her, no stories, no journal entries. Just a few copies of Daring Do that she had lent and given to Rainbow Dash. Her signature was inside the cover. She took a quill and wrote on a nearby desk. Her signature was the same. There was no difference, but that was easy to recreate. Anypony could forge it. Anypony could be taught to forge it! “Dammit! This isn’t enough! None of it is enough!” She stood in the midst of the mess she had made. She thought about cleaning it up, but decided she didn’t care enough. She might not even be Twilight, and that meant she wasn’t Rainbow Dash’s friend, so she didn’t even need to care. She needed something better. More proof of her existence. She needed her family. With another flash, she was gone, leaving a piece of parchment fluttering to the floor. In the Crystal Empire, Shining Armor and Cadance were enjoying a moment of romance, sharing a dinner prepared especially for them while Sunburst was watching Flurry Heart. They clinked their glasses and were lifting the glasses to their lips when Twilight appeared in a flash. She was standing on the table, hooves in their food. Her eyes went first to Shining, then over to Cadance. She looked at Cadance and shouted, then started dancing. “Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake!” Cadance awkwardly joined in for the middle. “Clap your hooves and do a little shake…?” she helped Twilight Finish. Twilight sighed happily, but then her face went dark. “But even Shining knows about that now, that’s not enough! AGH!” She screamed. She turned to her brother. “BBBFF stands for ‘big brother best friend forever!’” she shouted. He nodded, confused. “Uh, yes?” “Of course it does! Tell me something only you know about me, Shining! Something I should know if I were Twilight Sparkle!” “But you are Twilight Sparkle.” “Tell me!” she raged. Her mane flopped wildly. The mess of hair was disheveled and crooked, uncared for for days. Shining Armor cringed. He had his horn on ready to cast a shield spell. The only reason he hadn’t was because it was his sister in front of him. “Uhhhh… what’s on page fifty-two of the monstrous manual in Ogres and Oubliettes?” Twilight shivered. She knew. Of course she knew. She’d always known. That was the hydra. It grows two heads when you cut off one. Armor: 5. Bite damage: 8. Twilight sat down on the table, squashing the potatoes. A plate slid off the table and clattered to the floor. Shining Armor and Cadance looked like they had calmed down. Cadance was cleaning up while Shining Armor reached out to put a hoof on Twilight withers. “Twili, are you okay? You seem a little… off,” Shining said. Twilight almost started crying. She felt it building, but she never made it there. That made her worry. Could she cry? Had she cried since she became a princess? She was sure she had. There was the invasion of Canterlot by the Storm King. Had she even been in danger, then? Could she have turned to stone like the others? Would her crystal castle have protected her or brought her back? How did it all work? Why did it all work? She had her memories of her family and friends, but what had changed it all? Celestia. Twilight’s horn lit up, and she was gone before Shining could touch her.