//------------------------------// // Chapter 26 // Story: Changing Lanes // by AutoPony //------------------------------// The cacophony of laughter is endless as it continues on and on, drilling through your hooves which have planted themselves over your ears. Still, you remain trapped, chained rigidly to the ground upon which you lay with no means of breaking free. But what does it matter? Where would you go anyways? At this point, you have to question when this all became fantasy. This exile to Tartarus has made no sense, but has anything else been believable? If the actions of this realm cannot be trusted to be reality, how can you consider a being just dropping in from another world anything other than a delusion? Perhaps this is your original exile, maybe Nightmare Moon is right. But is she real? Are you real? What is reality? Your head throbs with a migraine, the ceaseless questions straining your mind to what feels like its limits. It takes you a while to realize that Nightmare's torturous cackling has died off. Instead, you once again hear the rhythmic low rumble of an engine at idle. Sure enough, you raise your head from the ground and sight the same black car as earlier, parked mere feet from where you lay. "You aren't real, I am sure of that!" you shout in anger. "Leave me be!" But your cries are only matched by the mysterious machine, the engine revving up to a loud snarl, enough that the car lurches to one side slightly from the torque. As quickly as it comes, the revs die back down to a normal lopy idle, as if mocking you. You only glare in irritation rather than try to make sense of this uninvited guest. However, the machine acts as if it has heard your thoughts, the engine cutting off abruptly, in time with the driver's door creaking open. Now you are intrigued, focusing all your attention to the side of the car, waiting to see what comes out. You aren't forced to wait long, though you only catch a glimpse of... a starry blue mane...? The door slams shut, revealing the odd visitor - yourself. She stands there, eyeing you carefully but remaining silent and motionless. "What now?" you moan. This is supposed to be a place of punishment, not torture. Why all of a sudden is your whole understanding of - everything being turned upside down? "Are you all right?" your clone asks, audibly concerned despite her rather emotionless expression. Despite her inquisition, she remains where she stands, keeping some distance between the two of you. "Does it look like I am well?" you shoot back, a tinge of venom within your voice. The other Luna is startled by your harsh answer, but remains silent, apparently waiting for you to try again with less misdirected anger. "No, I am not all right. The whole reason I am here is that I am such a depraved mess," you sulk, dropping your gaze to your chained hooves. "But what is here?" is the response given back, almost as instantly as you finish. The question is odd enough that you snap to attention, away from your self-pity. Again, even as you stare at this doppelganger, she only awaits your answer. In fact, unlike your own demeanor, she remains calm and relaxed. "This is Tartarus, is it not?" you respond, asking your own questions now. The other Luna considers your inquiry but remains mum. It seems you are the one expected to be the contestant in this game of twenty questions. With the silence, you ponder your own uncertainties. Maybe this is an extension of Tartarus? If so, it is nothing like you've ever seen before. Thus, it likely is not, especially considering the way in which you arrived. "This is not the desolate wasteland we call Tartarus," you blurt with conviction. Your twin nods silently, closing her eyes as if in deep thought. "But it does seem to be some sort of prison, would that be safe to assume?" she asks. "Of course," you quickly chime in. "Do you not see the chains I am bound by?" The other Luna breaks her meditation and comes to attention at your response. Her bright teal eyes dance across your body for a moment, before focusing in on your identical pair of eyes. "Are you bound here against your will? Or have you chosen to see it that way?" You huff at her words. "Perhaps you need to get your vision tested, because clearly I-" Looking down, you're shocked to see your doppelganger is correct. The heavy chains and shackles that had bound you in this spot have vanished without a trace. Cautiously, you rise and take a few steps, assuring yourself of freedom. Shaken to your very core, you stare wide-eyed at the other Luna. However, she seems nonchalant about your epiphany, as if it were no big deal. "So, is - have I been doing this to myself the whole time? Without even knowing?!" you shout, exasperated. "Indirectly, but yes," she says. "The mind is not just the consciousness that we are aware of, but the subconscious, which can afflict our thoughts our dreams, all without one's realization." "I know that. Or, I thought I did," you say. This Luna reminds you so much of- well you. Maybe you aren't Luna...? "So this is a dream?" you quickly blurt out. As if everything else that had happened wasn't confusing enough, this encounter was beginning to make your head spin. "How can you be me, if I am... me?" "It is a dream, and yet, it is not," Luna replies cryptically. "Try your magic, and see if you can affect this realm in any way." She sits upon her haunches in front of you, patiently awaiting you to experiment. Needing no further encouragement, you focus, invisibly probing at your surroundings - or lack thereof. But you feel nothing respond to your efforts, no sense of malleability in the abyss surrounding you. It remains dark and lifeless, only further confounding your efforts to understand the situation. "Who are you, really?" you ask again, still feeling rather suspicious about the whole scenario unfolding as your eyes dart from Luna to the Superbird. She follows your eyes, glancing over to the car before turning back to you with a slight smile. "That was merely a way of snapping you from the vicious self-torture cycle place upon yourself," she replies. Abruptly, the Superbird begins melting away from the rear of the car forward, seeping back into Luna's mane until it has vanished completely. The show only hardens your resolve, your suspicions of this visitor peaking in an instant. "Answer my question," you demand. "You tell me this is and is not a dream all at once, and what you just did is not possible in the waking world. There are only two other beings I know of that can manipulate dreams, and for some reason, I am unable to do anything. Why should I trust you?" Your other self sighs and hangs her head, frustrated by your incessant prodding for an explanation. "I suppose it was to be expected you would be too curious about the why and who to listen for very long," she said, looking back up at you. "I will answer your most pressing questions, on one condition." "Tell me your condition, and I will consider it," you respond firmly. "Allow me to explain myself before flying off the handle." "Why would I be unwilling to listen? Unless..." Your mind makes the connections quickly with the pieces in place. "Yes," she says before her form suddenly grows taller, and her coat turns to black. "I came back, but not to argue, Luna. I came to help you, and to apologize." "Help me? Why should I believe that? Why should I not consider the idea that you created this dream and somehow have taken my powers away from me to see through the facade?" "Maybe you shouldn't listen to me. I did cause this mess within your mind I admit. But it was not my intention," she says, staring directing into your eyes. Surprisingly, you realize now her eyes have remained the same as yours, and the light blue armor she normally wears is absent. Lacking her feral eyes and normal attire, she poses a less threatening visage than usual. Especially considering her rather forlorn expression. "Have I ever created a nightmare, Luna?" she asks, the disappointment practically palpable within her voice. "In the years since our return, have you ever had to deal with a mess I created in the dream realm? You know as well as I do my name is just that - a name." As much as you would like to argue with her, Nightmare is right. You spend every night in the dream realm helping ponies with their bad dreams, and not once have you come across a dream that was altered or otherwise manipulated by an outside force. In fact, you have never encountered Nightmare Moon nor sensed her presence anywhere, aside from the back of your mind, sealed away. "Then what is this? Why can I not use my magic to change this dream?" you ask, somewhat calmer than you had been just moments ago. "Actually, why can I not even sense that this is a dream? I should at least be able to tell the difference between reality and fantasy." "You of all ponies should know nightmares do not present themselves as obvious to those afflicted by them. They are caused by troubled thoughts within the mind," Nightmare lectures. "I would assume that the fact this is more or less a sort of nightmare is the main reason your powers do not work, but..." "But what?" you ask, as Nightmare looks reluctant to continue. She remains silent for a time, avoiding eye contact with you. Finally, after a minute or so of near-deafening silence, she has her words carefully picked out enough to look at you. "I guess you really did not have memories on what happened directly before and during our time in exile. I am sorry, but your ignorance of the events angered me enough to force my memories upon you, and in turn, I guess - I guess this is what is considered a mental breakdown," she answers. Her horn lights up, its soothing blue aura expanding and lighting up the immediate vicinity before slowly rising up and away from her, steadily brightening. Eventually, the orb of magic grows large enough and bright enough to light the whole area, and you see now what she means in her explanation. All around, it looks as if the two of you are in a cathedral, with every wall, every pillar, the expansive ceiling constructed of panels of stained glass, in differing shades of blue and violet. You would consider it beautiful, were it not for areas where huge shards are missing, leaving an empty black hole in its place. Even where the glass remains, ugly, glaring cracks distract from the overall scenery. "What is - I don't -" You speak, but nothing of substance comes out, overwhelmed and confused by this construct of your own mind. "Your mind was unable to cope with the overwhelming surge of information all at once. I would assume that is not only why you've been having these absurd dreams, but have not been waking no matter what anypony tries," Nightmare responds. You snap your eyes back to the black alicorn. "What do you mean? How long have I been asleep?" you asked, surprised. "About two days, give or take a couple of hours by my last count," she says flatly. Her words hit you hard, taking the breath out of you. "So, what now?" you press, coming to grips with her news. Despite the rather shocking information, you remain calm. Perhaps you still don't understand the full scope of what she's saying. After all, a mental breakdown is not something that happens every day. "Now? I suppose all I can do is help you try to sort everything out. I don't know how much I can assist you. It was hard enough getting here, not to mention snapping you out of your intensive nightmare." She looks uncomfortable with the idea she has thrown out, fidgeting a bit where she stands while awaiting your response. "Why would you want to help me? After everything I've blamed you for over the years, after the way I have treated you? I assume there is some catch to this assistance," you reply, skeptical of her claims. Instantly, Nightmare's mood soured, though not in the way you would expect. Rather than lash out, Nightmare seems hurt by your distrust, her ears dropping along with her gaze. "As I said, I lost my temper, and I did this to you. I want to right the wrong that I created. I understand that you don't believe I can change, but at the same time, you now know you and I are truly two halves of a whole. I was once Luna, along with you." Her words send a chill up your spine. Now that you have your memories back about the events that occurred, you cannot deny the truth. And the truth is sickening. It was easy to live with yourself believing your abhorrent actions were not entirely pinned upon you, but now you know it was all you. The ideas, the actions, the betrayal. All you. "Stop it. I am not here to listen to you dwell upon the past and beat yourself over it," Nightmare scolds. You're about to ask how she even knows what you're thinking until you realize the walls are like a giant projector, putting your thoughts into pictures for her and you to see. Or at least make out, considering the shattered remains of the screen. "But how do I live with myself now? After what I tried to do, what I almost did to-" You have to avert your gaze from the images that pop up of your sister and that fateful night. When your rage and jealousy had nearly driven you to take a life. The life of your own sibling. A sibling that still stands by you to this day. Nearly upon the verge of tears as you struggle with your emotions, you feel something brush against you back. You take stock of your surroundings, finding Nightmare Moon have moved to your side. One of her wings cradles your form in its warmth. "You will live with yourself the way you always have," she says, patting you with her wing. "It was a mistake for which you have been forgiven. We learn from the past, but to dwell upon it is foolish, as it cannot be changed." "But I don't understand. How are you and I separate when we were once one being? Did I just repress the memories? It doesn't make sense," you argue. "And have I really learned anything? If I was capable of losing control once, I could do it again." "Halt your tongue," Nightmare commands at a near shouting volume, leaning in closer toward you. "I will answer your questions, but you need to stop torturing yourself, starting right now." She glares at you expectantly, her eyes momentarily flashing to their feral, predatory look you're more accustomed to. After a moment's silence and a nod of the head from you, Nightmare relaxes, her eyes returning to a mirror image of your own. "I'll tell you what I told Anonymous. The Elements of Harmony split me away from you. It stripped the anger and jealousy from you, which created me," she says, quickly raising a hoof. "Before you say anything, let me repeat, I have changed. No, I have done nothing to dissuade Anonymous from being with you. it is your lies that have made him suspicious of you, and willing to speak to me. I have merely lent an ear, and given advice and my own take and opinion of each situation." Hearing the truth explained so bluntly puts your whole world in a perspective to which you have been blind. Every time Anon would come to a new discovery that inched him closer to the reality of his situation, you would throw up another wall to stall him. You don't know what he would do if he were ever to find out you purposely placed Nightmare Moon with him. "Yet he must know, Luna," Nightmare interrupts again. "Do you see the vicious cycle you have fallen prey to now? Are you finally ready to face what has been your Achille's heel all these years?" "My Achille's heel?" you ask. The black alicorn nods in response. "The situation you face now and the one you faced so long ago seem so vastly different upon the surface, but they are identical issues," she says. "Tell me, what do you think was the reason for our issues that led to our exile?" "I was jealous of my sister. She garnered all the-" Nightmare Moon's raised hoof again stops you in your tracks as she slightly shakes her head. "You are correct in the sense of what eventually happened, but it was not the cause. The problem you have is you are so reluctant to talk about your true feelings. You could have told your sister how you felt, just as you could have spoken to Anonymous and revealed your feelings to him. Instead, you decide to keep it to yourself, bottling it all up over time because you fear that feelings are a sign of vulnerability," she explains. You feel as if somepony has sucker-punched you in the gut, blindsided by what Nightmare has to say. Yet, everything clicks with you, and everything she has explained falls into place. Thinking back, your sister had even asked in some of your darker periods of depression if you were okay, and you brushed her inquiries aside with 'I'm fine.' It always felt wrong, but at the same time, how would you talk to somepony that was part of the problem? But she wasn't part of the problem. She did nothing to negatively affect you. It was just what you felt. "Just as back then, you again faced a situation where you feared the vulnerability of speaking your innermost feelings and desires. Rather than put yourself out there, you suppressed how you felt towards Anonymous. Until your mind came up with... whatever you want to call the mess you cobbled together in haste. You can't keep doing this, Luna." "I know. I mean, I see it now," you lament. "I just - what if I had spoken out on both occasions, and been brushed aside or rejected?" "It is a chance you take, but do you really think your sister would not have listened and tried to help you? Do you really think she cares that little about you? After everything now, after being given a second chance after the things you have done, both to her and the land?" Nightmare proposes. You just nod your head in response, you have to agree with her. "You need to make things right, Luna. Stop this vicious cycle you have begun and trapped yourself in. It starts with telling Anonymous the truth, no matter the consequences," Nightmare says, standing stoic and expectant. Just the thought of what she suggests causes fear and anxiety to creep into you, thinking back to the dream you had earlier. But she's right, you can not keep going on with the charade you have continued to string along for months. As much as it hurts, you need to come clean, you need to change. "I want the same thing you do, Luna, the same thing everypony wants. Happiness, affection, peace," Nightmare softly states. "It has taken a while for me to let go of my past and the grudges I harbor, but I feel as if I am on the right track. I suppose it all sounds so odd coming from me, but we have seen ponies change for the better once thought irredeemable, so maybe it is not as farfetched as it seems." "Well, I certainly did not expect you to be willing to help me and talk to me," you say. Another more sobering thought crosses your mind; Anonymous did not try to help you. But to be fair, you never visited him in the hospital, nor listen to him when he drove all the way here from Canterlot. You have been far from kind to him in the last few encounters. "Anon tried his best, Luna, but as I said before, you had yourself wound tight," Nightmare Moon interrupts again, causing you to focus your vision again. Sure enough, your thoughts are played out upon the wall, but much clearer than they had been earlier. Many of the cavities and cracks that were once so obvious are now subdued, if not completely mended. "Somepony with a more intimate knowledge of how your minds ticks was the only way to reach you." "I find it hard to believe I am saying this to you, but thank you," you reply. The gratitude of even the simple thanks is enough to coax a small but noticeable smile from Nightmare Moon as she nods her head slightly. "Stop dwelling upon the past and use it to your advantage. Learn from your mistakes, do not regret them. Not needing to come back and sit in as your psychologist will be thanks enough," she quips. "Now, why don't you see if your power has returned to you?" Obliging her request, you focus your energy and let it loose upon your surroundings. Sure enough, the backdrop melts away, the surrounding memories and subtle hues reflecting your inner thoughts gradually returning to a starry night sky, the entryway to the dream realm. "Again, I apologize for... for what I did to your psyche," Nightmare announces. "I hope no permanent damage was done, but I suppose that will not be understood until sometime in the future. Just promise me you will set things right, yes?" "I will," you agree, already feeling the anxiety build as you start to consider how to go about telling Anonymous. It is a necessary evil, but you only hope he is as forgiving as your sister was.