Dear Twilight,
As you know, season nine is fast approaching and there is something that I really need you to do. I need you to release Dr. Fauna. You see, when I healed Fluttershy, I eradicated her lustful nature so she will no longer be desiring to have sex with her. To be completely honest, I have restored Fluttershy to a pre-Starlight seduction mode for the most part. Yes she will still be more assertive but she will be a sweet, naive pony instead of a sex crazed, abusive bitch.
Now regarding Tree Hugger and all legitimate law breakers and undesirables, keep them locked up and continue to torture them. Now I know it is going to be hard but the big brass at Hasbro has ordered that there at least not be any disharmony between you and Fluttershy. I am sorry it has to come to this but when God-Emperor Goldner demands it, it has to come to pass.
Now I do look forward to us growing closer as time passes and of course I look forward to ascending Starlight as well. I can't help but wonder, what if she was to do something huge and ascend without me doing it? Would she grow some and have a wavy mane and tail like Luna and I? Would she wind up just like her mama, I mean me? That would be pretty sweet, huh?
Hoping Starlight Becomes Just Like Me,
Princess Celestia
Dear Princess Celestia,
Ok, I will see to it that there is harmony between us but for Faust's sake, could you please quit bringing Starlight up all the damn time? I swear, the more you keep on talking about her like she is your daughter, the more I think my suspicions are correct. Like I have said, if she is your daughter, just take her up to Canterlot, ascend her and give her her birthright authority.
I am so sick and tired of you idolizing Starlight, especially when we are trying to return things to how they used to be. It is always Starlight this, Starlight that, what if this, what if that? Please, lets focus on repairing our relationship, not you ascending Starlight constantly, ok?
Sincerely,
Princess Twilight Sparkle
P.S. Wait a minute, you restored Fluttershy back to her PETA Girl state? Does that mean she will have forgotten about all the sex and have a virgin mindset again? Does it mean I can try to initiate her as a "friend" again?
Dear Twilight,
No you can not try to initiate PETA Girl as a friend again! Good grief, she crushed your heart and now that I have returned part of her mentality back to being an innocent virgin, you are wanting to screw her all of a sudden. I know you get needy but hey, you have Starlight to unwind with so PETA Girl is off limits to you. Remember Twilight, there can be no disharmony between you two and you trying to initiate her and her shooting you down time and time again and assaulting you will prevent that.
Making Sure You Don't Try to Initiate PETA Girl Again,
Princess Celestia
P.S. Also, aren't you and Cadence growing close again too? You have Starlight and Trixie and you have Cadence, isn't that enough?
Dear Princess Celestia,
Oh fine but don't be surprised when I start bitching about you not letting me try to initiate her as a friend with benefits.
Wanting PETA Girl,
Princess Twilight Sparkle
Dear Starlight,
I have some wonderful news for you! God-Emperor Goldner has given me the green light to ascend you. He hasn't said when I can do it but trust me, it will happen! What is even better is that he has green-lighted you meeting your mother. Now the ascension likely won't happen until the finale and you meeting your mother may not happen until right afterwards but the mystery of your mother will finally be solved.
Looking Forward to Season Nine,
Princess Celestia
Dear Princess Celestia,
Really? I'm finally going to get my wings? You have no idea how happy I am but let me guess, unlike Twilight, I am going to have to go through hell and back to get them. Well whatever it will take to get them, I will succeed. And I can not wait to meet my mother and ask her why she had to run off and allow my inept father to raise me.
Ready to Be Ascended and Meet My Mom,
Starlight Glimmer