I found myself sitting on the couch with my arm around Pomella. Not that I minded, but I did wonder how I went from stepping through a door too cuddling with a big blue bird girl? I heard Byron groaning and rubbing his head, and I turned to him to find him clutching his head in a hand, eyes closed tight and fingers slightly tense. “Ahhh I hate it when people do that…”
“What are you talking about?”
“That person had us go back in… and I think talked to us then took away our memories, I can feel a blank space where it happened,”
“... how often does your memories get taken away?”
Morrow, stepping in holding Inum to his side put in, “To be fair 4 of the people in this room have forgotten their entire lives before being a personification,”
“Sshhhh, if he says ‘I hate when people do that’ it means he remembers it happening before,” I responded, trying to imitate his voice but sounding more brain dead but deeper than usual. I could feel Pomella vibrating next to me, probably with laughter as she snuggled into my side. That was, actually mildly distracting so I missed what Byron said, but it didn’t really matter. After a bit of chat about what we each faced, Inum and Pomella staying mostly silent during the exchange. It was interesting hearing what their challenges were, especially Amelia’s how it pushed against her moral thoughts and what she actually thought was trully right. Interesting enough it seemed these were the ones Pomella and Inum listened to most intently, each with a thoughtful expression.
“Alright, I think it's time for us to head in for the night, I feel pretty tuckered out from all that,” Morrow cut in after a while, stretching his arms and yawning loudly. Everyone there agreed, and in seconds Pomella and I were the only ones left in the room, the other two retreating to their rooms. Then, I turned to Pomella and she turned to me, and then I got closer to her and she got closer to me and then -
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I looked at Morrow as he slowly pulled back the covers and pulled off his clothes, preparing to bed. I had already gotten into the bed and my own night clothes, watching him with tired eyes. I wasn’t sure how to feel about my own room, it had felt way too real. How far can an experience go before it becomes real, how far can you push something before something meant to be challenging becomes real? What makes some things real to you and mean something, and others as just something to do? All it is was how much it resonated with what you believed, what you thought - your opinions your very existence, when something you do hits one of those things it suddenly feels much more real. When your put into the experience and forget that it isn’t real, does it become real?
I was broken from my trance as Morrow gently pressed against me, wrapping one warm arm around my side and back, pulling the covers up over the two of us. I pressed to him, staying quiet and considering the storm of thoughts that was whirling around my brain. It quieted as a single shining thought emerged from the turmoil and made itself clear, making the flurry disappear. If you believe it's real, then its real. It doesn’t matter if others find it fake, or to be “just a game” or “just a puzzle” if you believe it's real then it simply is.
“So, my fallen angel what happened in your room? I noticed you didn’t talk about it when we were,” Morrow asked softly, breaking into my thoughts again with a gentle hand on the cheek. He had taken to calling me a ‘fallen angel’ for two reasons he claimed, one because I was so beautiful that I could be one - which I personally didn’t believe - and second he wouldn’t quite say or put into words, but I think it had something to do with the concept of death striking most as a bad thing yet being necessary all the same. I gave a gentle smile and placed a kiss just as tenuous as my smile on his cheek, resting my head in the crook of his neck. “It was more like Amelia’s then yours or Byron’s, it was… emotional,” I explained lamely, unable to find the right words. He was silent for a second, then slowly his hand began to brush my hair, his hands combing the flames as he pressed closer.
After another second, I sighed, and said softly, “There was a child and his grandfather, his grandfather was dead… and the child blamed me for it, it stung a lot… even though I knew in the back of my mind that he wasn’t real, that it was a big test it struck home. It made me see him as instead of a fake child, the parents, children or even infants of those I’ve had to kill and who have had to mourn for those lost, the ones who curse death for taking the ones they love and the ones who sob, cry and some who even kill themselves to join the ones lost… I cause death, and with it I cause sadness, hardship and strife for those who know the deceased,”
In the silence that followed my mind wandered again, thinking of others who might have the same problem I did. What did soldiers do to deal with the guilt, those who felt it? The person who stepped down on a corner to find a dead animal lying there in the rain? How can someone, anyone deal with the crushing feeling that death brings with it like a one hundred pound weight?
“But… it helped, I always worried and cared for those who I took from others, I love my job because its me helping the world, but I hate it at the same time and what it does to people who are left to grieve, it helped me address that hate and temper it… but its not gone,” I finished slowly, finding myself hiding my head into the crook of his neck so I didn’t have to look at him. I felt sad, but also good for getting it off my chest which was a nice feeling. Then I felt one of his long, warm arms wrap around me in a gentle hold while a hand gently coaxed my face up to look into his own, and we locked eyes for a moment.
He looked into my own, before leaning in close his lips meeting my own in a gentle kiss. I felt myself press against him and kiss back, feeling his hand slowly caress my back in a soothing manor. I felt myself crumple into his grip, my body finally relaxing under his gentle ministrations, small tears springing to my eyes. He pulled away from the kiss and gave me a caring smile, before speaking softly into my ear, “Death isn’t evil, you aren’t evil love and that is a truth of the world, while you can bring sadness you can also bring joy to the dead, for letting their souls leave their body and find their ancestors, there deceased loved ones and all those they cared about who passed before them,”
The tears that had sprung up began to roll down my face, leaving small wet streaks in their wake. I closed my eyes and buried my face into his shoulder as I felt my throat constrict as a sob tried to break out, muffled. His hand continued for a bit, then after a minute he spoke again, his voice ponderous, “In a way death, like you is beautiful... a living thing gets to experience the other side, never feel age, pain or anything else and then the body they leave behind feeds the very earth,”
“I-i’m not beautiful…” I muttered softly into his shoulder, even though I could feel the temperature of my face rise. He chuckled softly, and gently pulled me away from his shoulder to look into his face. His eyes were trained on my own, and I found myself caught into his eyes as they began to… change. The pale color they usually found seemed to almost melt, or it was as if other things suddenly crowded to spill over the white canvas of his eyes. Strands of purple, red, orange blue - all colors of the rainbow seemed to flow in his eyes, connecting in intricate ways and all at the same time swarming around in his eyes individually. I found myself staring, having never seen such a display of pure color as a smile slowly stretched his lips.
“My eyes can match every color in the rainbow, the spectrum in between and all the possible saturations and brightness-es that can lead to every single color known to man,” he said softly before one hand gently brushed a bit of hair away from my eyes, letting me look into his own eyes the colors flashing and swirling inside reminding me of a firework show’s final moments. “The only two that my eyes can’t turn happen to be white…” his lips quirked up a bit more as I felt my face blush even more as he finished, “... or black,”
“S-silly…” I mumbled softly, before leaning up and gently kissing him on the lips. Both sets of eyes closed, and the next hour the two spent the next hour cuddling together in blissful peace, worries put to rest with kind words and gentle actions. It was heartwarming enough that even Kabalig felt itself smile a bit, before puffing away in smoke to watch the other couple… or more like to watch them rather than watch Inum and Morrow, the opposite of what it had been doing milliseconds before.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was gently petting the back of Pomella’s head as the two of us laid on the couch together, or, more accurately, as she laid on me as I laid on the couch. She apparently found me more comfortable then the soft, velvety cushions of the couch beneath us which I found confusing, but that was what Pomella was. At the moment she was playing with her fingers and tracing them along my body, her cold touch sending shivers along my body.
“So Pomella, what did you see in your room?” I asked softly, trying to catch her eye. She had seemed a bit shy about the topic, and averted her gaze from my own. I noticed the feeling of her body became a bit colder, as if her reaction impacted her coolness. “Well… it wasn’t like what you described, it was all confusing and sad and…” she broke off, frowning a bit as if she was trying to find accurate words for the experience. I found myself thinking that her situation was something like Amelia’s, but then as I finally started to consider that possibility a bit more seriously she looked to me, her face stretched into a frown. “I was… at my old home, my old city and county but everything was covered in a thick layer of snow, the city was destroyed and so was my home, the barn the house.... Everything,” she explained softly, her eyes gaining a slightly haunted look that didn’t suit her young face.
I shuddered at the imagery, trying to think of what that would be like. I didn’t remember anything from before my life as an incarnation, including my parents or family. I found my attention snapped back to Pomella as she finished in a quiet, trembling voice, “My… my parents were dead, seeming frozen and crushed under the building and even their wedding bands which they had never taken off for all I can remember… were broken, like even their love broke in death,”
“W-wow… that's terrible…”
“I lost it… I screamed and screamed, my eyes were so filled with tears I couldn’t see but I know, I know for a fact that while I cried the world itself wrapped itself around everything I could see, the ruins of the city, my house even me got swallowed up for - well - I don’t even know how long. It had seemed timeless, like if I hadn’t been careful I could have never emerged,” she continued, her face slowly gaining a wondrous quality, her eyes widening as if she were taking in the moon for the first time. “Then we came back out, everything did and everything was fine… my family, which I thought dead were alive,” a smile stretched her face, even if it was a sad one and my arms wound around her tightly. She was silent for a couple seconds, then said softly, “It was nice to have a family again for a little while at least, even if they were fake… maybe I can visit them, but for now I’m alone,”
“Is that what you think?” I cut in suddenly, and she looked up at me surprised. I gave her a smile, and gently snuggled her close making her chirp in surprise as she was pulled much closer. “You're not alone silly birb, I don’t plan on ever letting you be alone and your family? They are still alive and well but they aren’t the only family you have,” I said, and her gaze turned into one of surprise and confusion. “We, me, Inum, Morrow all of them… we are your family now too, the family of personifications,” I said into her ear softly, and I giggled softly before oh so gently kissing the side of her neck. “Although I hope we aren’t sisters, I would rather be family from relationship rather than blood,”
Pomella looked at me, her face one of shock and bewilderment before a smile broke the surface, making her entire face seem to beam as she squealed and wrapped her arms around my neck and hugging tightly. “Yes yes yes yes yes! Finally!” she exclaimed loudly, smiling even more somehow before beginning to cover my face in quick and gentle kisses. I found myself laughing and trying to accommodate before calming her down after some time. Then, we exchanged one tender kiss as Pomella let out a happy coo.
Kabalig found itself smiling even more at the display before heading home, tired from the busy night. Tonight had been very, very successful. Now to get to its actual job…